(Os was used with Mark’s permission, Carter and Aron were used with Chris’s permission)
It was the week of Summer XXXTreme IX and for Krystal. It was not just her first Summer XXXTreme as a member of the SCW Roster but her first PPV as a champion! But Krystal would have to fight to keep that title around her waist as Maki and Bea Barnhart were eager to wrestle that title from around her waist! Maki had served as Krystal’s first challenger at Climax Control 304 in a losing effort whilst Bea had stolen the title from Krystal following the match only for Krystal to take things into her own hands and take back the title the following week, can Krystal retain?
Krystal’s balcony suite, Sun Princess Cruise Liner, the high seas
Sunday the 11th of July 2021, 18:00pm
Ugh! If I hear that fucking chorus one more time I’d be half tempted to jump overboard!
In case it wasn’t obvious, me and Makayla are now checked into our balcony suite on board the Sun Princess Cruise Liner ready for a week of rest and relaxation before I defend the Bombshell Roulette Title at Summer XXXTreme, or at least I will be once the fucking football’s over.
“Just our luck that we got the suite next to the football fans.” Makayla sighed as she got her laptop set up, I was on my gaming/streaming PC (because I’m not about to let this cruise stop me from streaming) making sure my equipment was in working order.
“Tell me about it, the rest of the roster doesn’t know what a real sport is.” I responded as I rolled my eyes before double-checking my mic. “By which I off course mean, Rugby.” I added before I heard that guitar lick again. “That’s it!”
“You’re going to complain to them about the noise?” Makayla asked as I got Grove Music on and searched for Within Temptation, I looked up and shook my head.
“Knowing my luck? We’re next door neighbours with Mark Ward and before I know it, I’m stripped off the title, taken off the card and slapped with a title shot ban that makes Jessie’s ban look like a slap on the wrist!” I responded as I started playing the live double album “Elements”. “So instead, I’m combatting that shit song with Within Temptation!”
“Seems like overkill if you’re using that to combat a poorly sung song about football!” Makayla scoffed with a laugh before I made sure to put it as loud as I could. “Everything set up for the stuff we discussed earlier?”
“D&D and the retro video game tournament?” I asked before motioning to a suitcase in the corner. “My retro consoles, games and associated stuff is in there, Mark Cross has already said that he’s going to crush everyone at Street Fighter.”
“Real question is, which version?” Makayla asked as she turned to me.
“I brought as many versions as possible that I could find in my collection, I’ve already cleared both that and the live show with the cruise staff.” I responded as I typed away at my computer. “Each console has its own TV that I tested to make sure that it works on it, barring any technical issues this should go smoothly.”
“Don’t jinx it, we both know that if anything can go wrong with tech, it will.” Makayla reminded me and I nodded before I picked up from where I left off.
Sun Princess Cruise Liner, the high seas
Monday the 12th of July 2021, 18:00pm
Oh, the fun we’ve had.
It didn’t take long to get a set-up close to what Critical Role used for live shows set up in one of the lower decks and well, the only requirement for fans/fellow wrestlers who wanted to check it out was that they’d wear masks during the show, which was being live broadcast to my Twitch channel, largely because I had been considering this idea for a while and this seemed like a good place to test run it.
“Okay, you guys are in the castle waiting for the king to grant you access to the dragon’s mountain top lair.” I explained to the party as I went over my notes, Carter was sitting next to Ari and Makayla was sat next to me with Os and Aron sitting on the far side of the table. “As you enter the king’s court, you see that he is accompanied by his beautiful queen and his offspring, Prince Erick and Princess Eloise, what do you want to do?”
“How is the prince?” Ari asked and the party collectively groaned, she was still playing her bard Meri though now she had multiclassed into Cleric, don’t ask. “Looks wise I mean?”
“He has clearly inherited his mother’s good looks but if he has noticed you, he seems more concerned with stately matters.” I explained before putting on my best authoritarian male voice. “You have entered my lands to slay a dragon? Why would we rely on foreign adventurers when our armies are just as capable?”
“Your highness, if I may.” Carter chimed in as he cleared his throat. “We believe this dragon to be an adult blue dragon, if not an ancient one, if you send your men after this beast your armies may be decimated.”
“Make a persuasion roll.” I informed Carter out of character, and he did so, picking up his D20 and rolling it.
“That’s a sixteen on the die with no bonuses.” Carter informed me and I nodded before checking the DC.
“Luckily for you, that matches the DC.” I responded before getting back in character. “Very well, I will need to consult with my war council but as you have travelled far, I will allow you to stay in the castle for the night.” I responded in character and the party nodded. “Several hours pass and you are escorted to your rooms on the second floor of the castle, what do you want to do?”
“What floor is the prince on?” Ari asked and I sighed, it was part of her characters backstory that she would seduce every prince she came across in search for her prince charming and when I started the campaign, I had no idea how literal Ari was being.
“He’s on the fourth floor.” I responded before getting a map of the castle out. “Prince Erick and Princess Eloise sleep in their private quarters up here, the king and queen sleep on the sixth floor at the very top of the castle right here.” I added as I pointed to the floor in question and then I saw the gleam in Ari’s eyes. “I’ll remind you that the king posted guards outside your door, and they are not going to let you go up to the prince’s quarters!”
“Fine, guess I’ll climb up the side of the castle, Spider-Man style.” Ari responded and I gave her an odd look.
“Ari, that would require an athletics check with disadvantage, your strength stat is so low that it’s a Negative 3 penalty.” I reminded her as I messaged my forehead with my free hand. “You are welcome to try but if you fail, that’s a lot of damage.”
“And before you ask, I won’t cast featherfall on you if you fail.” Aron chimed in after checking his character sheet, but Ari was determined as she rolled two D20s.
“Okay, first role was a natural twenty, but this is disadvantage so that’s probably going to waste.” Ari responded before she rolled her other die, and when it stopped her jaw dropped. “NO WAY!”
“TWO NATURAL TWENTIES ON A DISADVANTAGE ROLL?!” Carter exclaimed as he stared at Ari’s die in disbelief. “Where was that luck when we were fighting the Troll in the last session?!”
“Luck of the draw sometimes, and just to clarify, the Troll was a Dungeons and Dragons monster long before Gabriel Thomas Wank joined the SCW Roster to avoid being kicked out by his mom.” I responded before turning to the audience briefly to clarify that. “Okay, so you manage to scale the outside of the castle wall, there is considerable difficulty because you are not the most physically adapt member of the party.” I added before turning to the others. “Everyone except Ari, roll perception checks to see if you hear Meri climbing the castle wall, I’ll do the same with the guards outside her door.”
You have got to be kidding me. “Okay, that’s a five from me, with bonuses, so I’m fast asleep by this point.” Makayla responded as she and the others made their roles, Os held up a card that simply said “what Makayla said” whilst Aron and Carter rolled high enough to hear her. “What about the guards?”
“They are probably losing their jobs in the morning because I just rolled a Natural One.” I responded with an exasperated sigh and the crowd laughed as Aron and Carter mimicked poking their heads out the window.
“Meri, what are you doing?!” Carter called out to her in character as Pussy Galore, the Tabaxi fighter,
“I’m off to seduce my true love!” Meri called back and I got my dice ready to have the guards do another perception check with advantage because there was no way they weren’t shouting this.
“You’re going to hurt yourself!” Aron called out as Kristjan, the party’s wizard. “Physically and emotionally! It’ll be the last castle all over again!”
“Okay, Ari, keep making athletics checks as you climb up the castle walks, I’ve got another perception check to do, with advantage because you guys are clearly shouting these words.” I instructed the party and they nodded as I rolled my die. “ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!” I yelled out as I rolled a one and a two.
“You want me to put those dice in dice jail babe?” Makayla offered as she held up a box that had been marked “dice jail” and I wasted no time in passing the die down the table so that Makayla could put them in the box, meanwhile as I grabbed two fresh D20s Ari kept succeeding in her roles somehow until eventually.
“Okay, Ari, you have somehow made it to the fourth floor with no one hearing or spotting you.” I told Ari as I messaged my forehead in annoyance. “But you’re not at the prince’s window yet, you have to pass these windows first.” I said as I pointed to the three windows between Ari and the prince, it was then that I saw Carter and Aron chatting in character before they turned to me.
“I’m going to cast invisibility on myself and Carter’s character, then we’re going to sneak up to the fourth floor.” Aron informed me and Carter nodded to confirm it. “Because we’re basically along for the ride at this point!”
“Considering what Ari’s trying to do, that could’ve been worded better!” I pointed out and the crowd laughed as did Makayla. “Fine, make stealth checks with advantage, Ari, what are you doing?”
“I have no way of knowing which room the prince is occupying right?” Ari asked and I nodded as I started to get a sense for where she was going. “I’m going to peak into each room until I find the right one.”
I’m going to need alcohol for this. “Okay, make stealth checks as well as athletics checks Ari whilst I check my plans for each room.” I said before looking at the plans, whilst that was going on Carter and Aron successfully made it up the stairs. “The first room is Eloise’s room, make a perception check.”
“Got it.” Ari responded before rolling her die. “Nineteen with bonuses.”
“You see Princess Eloise all right, her royal garments are spread across the room, and you can hear moaning from the bed as Eloise is having a threesome.” I explained before rolling my D12, anything above or below six would determine the outcome and I rolled above. “With two of her handmaidens, I won’t go into detail, but it is a very steamy session.”
“Hmm, Eloise is a closet lesbian? Might be useful for blackmail later…….” Ari trailed off before noticing my raised eyebrow. “Not saying that out loud by the way.”
“That could’ve ended badly.” I mused before motioning Ari to move on. “Carter, Aron, where are you guys?”
“We are just passing Eloise’s room do we hear the noises?” Aron asked as he checked the castle’s map, I motioned for them to make a perception roll and they did. “Nope, I don’t hear shit!” Aron added as he held up his natural one.
“I, on the other hand, hear it clear as day.” Carter said as he held up the natural twenty. “Are there any guards posted outside her room?”
“No, it seems that Eloise gave them the night off, likely so she wouldn’t be interrupted.” I responded as I shook my head. “Why?”
“First I’m going to peak in to confirm that I’m not hearing things.” Carter explained before rolling high on the stealth roll and doing so. “And I’m going to lock the door so that she doesn’t get disturbed.”
“Not where I thought that was going, I’ll admit.” I admitted as Carter rolled high enough to go undetected. “Ari?”
“I make a leap to the next window.” Ari responded before making her roll, and then her face dropped. “Oh no, oh no, OH NO!”
“Don’t tell me you just rolled a one?” I asked and Ari nodded reluctantly, and I quickly turned to Aron. “Aron, Kristjan is a Divination Wizard, if he knows where Ari is approximately, he can save her from more than a few broken bones.”
“Just putting it out there that if he does fuck this up, I’m not healing her unless she gets knocked out.” Makayla chimed in as she shifted her weight. “Besides the fact that Keyleth’s asleep, this was bound to happen sooner or later.”
“Ahh, some of the old tough love huh?” I asked and Makayla nodded. “Aron, can you save her?”
“We’ll soon find out.” Aron responded before rolling his perception check with disadvantage. “Lucks on your side Ari, that’s a nineteen and an eighteen, I’m using my divination magic to turn that one into a sixteen.”
“You haven’t even reached Erick’s room and you’ve gotten lucky.” I joked getting a laugh out of my players and the crowd. “Okay, at first it looks like you’re going to slip but then you are caught by a familiar face. Price Erik.” I explained before putting on my best surprised male voice. “You’re that bard from the adventuring party, what are you doing?”
“I came up here to save you,” Ari responded before picking up her dice. “I’ve been in search for my prince charming all my life and I know you’re the one!”
“You’re trying to seduce him, whilst he’s trying to save you from a painful fall?” I asked Ari and she nodded without hesitation. “Make a seduction check, disadvantage because I can’t think of anything less romantic than this!”
“Hopefully, I’ve used up my last Natural One of the night.” Ari commented before rolling her die. “Nineteen and……...” Ari trailed off as her face lit up. “Natural twenty!”
I swear, the dice gods are laughing at me right now. “Then come inside, quickly, it’s not like my sister is the only one who can have flirtations.” I said as Erick before succeeding on a strength check to pull her into the room. “You find yourself in what looks like a study, there are numerous books lining the bookcases and a desk in the far corner which Erick indicates that he wants to plunder your cave of wonders on.”
“Her what?!” Aron and Carter asked simultaneously, and I shook my head.
“Me and Makayla watched a musical parody of Aladdin last night, would be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen if it weren’t for Bea Barnhart’s promos for my title match.” I responded getting a laugh out of the players and crowd. “Okay, let’s get this “performance” check over with.”
We made the rolls and stared at them for a good minute before looking up. “Please tell me you rolled higher than a one?” Ari asked and I shook my head.
“Sorry, used my last roll to save you from a painful fall.” Aron said as he threw his hands up. “So, do they even get passed the “over the clothes action” stage?”
“One way to find out.” I responded before rolling my D12, nope. “The mood is quickly soured when you notice a stain on the prince’s trousers, in the area that you were hoping to ride all night.” I explained before I started to portray a mortified Erik.
“I try to calm him down, that’s a charisma check, right?” Ari asked and I nodded before she made the roll. “This dice is going to dice jail.” Ari quickly announced as she held up her natural one and Makayla reached over with the box.
“Okay, I think it’s time that me and Pussy intervened!” Aron announced before making a kicking motion. “We’re kicking down the door, grabbing Meri and taking her back to her room before things get worse, and just to make sure that we get her back to her room safely, I’m casting Pass Without Trace on the three of us.”
“Okay, that’s a plus ten to any stealth rolls you make but I’ll still need you and Carter to make stealth check with triple disadvantage because his sister and two handmaidens are in this room, and two guards are posted outside his room.” I instructed them and they nodded before motioning that they were carrying Meri over their heads. “I’m going to see how the prince takes this in the meantime.” I added before picking up the D12 and rolling it to see how the prince took the whole event.
Oh, sweet mother fucking Jesus on a pogo stick. “Can I get some numbers from Aron and Carter? And a strong alcoholic beverage?”
“Do I even want to know?!” Os’s card read as he held it up and I shook my head.
“No Os, but you’re gonna find out anyway!” I sighed as Aron and Carter borrowed one of Os’s cards to write down their results, all higher than my set DC because I’m the plaything of the Dice Gods today! “So, Meri, I take it you’re protesting loudly to literally being carried back to your room?”
“Loud enough to probably interrupt his sister and the handmaidens.” Ari responded as she folded her arms and I chuckled. “I want to be there for the prince.”
“Yes, and if you are caught with the prince, we’ll be thrown into the dungeon faster than you can say “horny jail”!” Carter responded and I doubled over with laughter at his statement causing my head to briefly disappear behind my DM’s screen. “What’s on the third floor Krystal?”
“The third floor is mostly servant’s quarters, ranging from the kitchen cooks to the guards’ quarters.” I explained as I pointed to the third floor. “If there are any guards on this floor, they are off duty and likely fast asleep.”
“So, no need for a stealth roll?” Aron asked and I nodded before they made their way to the second floor. “Are the guards still posted outside Meri’s room?”
“Yep, and what they see is our favourite bard floating towards them with a pouty look on her face.” I explained and the crowd laughed at that mental image. “One guard was drinking on the job and he’s going to spend the rest of the night looking at his drink with a bewildered look on his face, the other is fast asleep because that’s my best explanation for why they failed their saving throw earlier.”
“Okay whilst the guards are distracted, we open the door, throw Meri onto the bed, barricade the window with the dresser and lock the door.” Aron explained and I nodded. “I take it that’s a strength check?”
“It is but you might want to leave that to Pussy since she’s the fighter and all.” I responded and Carter made his roll, off course it was a natural twenty. “Okay so you yeet Meri onto the bed so hard that she almost misses the bed entirely, then you effortlessly move the dresser in front of the window without much trouble and then lock the door.” I added before moving things forward to the next day. “Okay, you guys get your long rest and all your stuff back, however Carter, Aron and Ari are getting inspiration points.”
“Why Meri? She was the one who started that whole mess?” Aron pointed out and whilst Ari gave him a mock death glare, I shook my head.
“Because in all my time playing D&D, either as a player or a DM, that was some of the funniest shit I’ve ever seen!” I explained and Carter and Aron shared a look before shrugging as if to say “works for me” before they and Ari marked that on their sheets. “Even if the dice gods seemed to have it out for me in the worst way possible!”
“I’m almost afraid of what’s coming next.” Makayla sighed as I got ready for the next morning.
“Okay, so after you guys wake up and after you presumably unlock the door to Meri’s room.” I stated and Carter quickly nodded. “You hear a scream coming from the fourth floor.”
“All the way down here on the second floor?” Carter asked with a look of disbelief on his face. “I didn’t realize that The Troll’s mom lived in your game world.”
Oh, if only it was that simple. “Is anyone going up to investigate the noise?” I asked and Meri quickly shot her arm up. “You make it as far as the bottom of the stairs to the next floor before the guards stop you.” I added before putting on my best gruff male voice. “Visitors aren’t allowed past the second floor.”
“I want to investigate that scream.” Ari responded before picking up her dice. “So, Meri’s going to put on her best “puppy dog eyes” face to try to persuade them, I do have decent charisma so this should work.”
“Go ahead.” I nodded and Ari made her persuasion roll, it was good but not good enough. “Sorry lady, king’s orders, the prince has been found hanging from the ceiling of his study with a suspicious stain around his crotch.”
“Ugh, fine………. wait, what?!” Ari asked as her jaw dropped and the others shared her sentiments. “My attempt at comforting him was so bad that he killed himself?!”
“Yep, blame the dice on that one!” I responded with a sigh and the players shared a look. “What do you want to do because you can see the guards who were posted outside Meri’s door being read the riot act down the hall.”
“We’re leaving!” Carter quickly decided and the others nodded in agreement just as quickly before they quickly left the castle. “We don’t need the king’s permission anyway!”
This is just the first session off the week, these shows will be held daily until we depart from the ship, I need a strong drink for the next session.
Krystal’s balcony suite, Sun Princess Cruise Liner, the high seas
Monday the 12th of July 2021, 21:00pm
*Promo time*
Needed to unwind after that session so here we are.
“As I said last week, Summer XXXTreme has been my favourite SCW event for years for personal reasons, and now I have my first ever PPV title defence at the show this Sunday night on the Ship of dreams against Maki and Bea Barnhart in what will likely be my toughest title defence to date for one reason, the Ultimate X Over the Pool Match! Now that I’ve had some time to think about it, I realize that all it’d take for me to lose this title is a simple splash in the pool!”
I stated before hoisting the Bombshell Roulette Title over my shoulder.
“But at the same time, that applies to Maki and Bea Barnhart! Hell, Maki is practically a case study in how easy it is to lose this match because all she did was lose her footing in last year’s match against Seleana, Jessie and Keira eliminating herself and Jessie in the process, now history has already repeated itself this year as Maki failed to dethrone me in my first defence just a few weeks ago but even with only three competitors in this match, can history repeat itself again?”
I wondered to myself.
“Then again, that raises another question, if Maki and Bea eliminate themselves from the match, does that mean I automatically win the match and retain the title, or do I still have to climb across the structure as a formality? Either way, I boarded this ship with the Roulette Title and, if Bea doesn’t learn from her mistakes the last time that she tried to steal the title from me, I’ll depart from the ship with the Roulette Title!”
And speaking of Bea.
“Bea, Bea, Bea, you think you can go about calling ME a fake person after you stole this title from me?! Who the fuck do you think your fooling? Your equally idiotic husband?! There’s a movie quote that I’d like to throw at you right now so listen closely: what you just said, is one of the most insanely idiotic things I’ve ever heard, at no point in your rambling idiotic response where you close to anything that resembled a rational thought, everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it! I reward you no points, and may god have mercy on your soul!”
Taken from the only good Adam Sandler movie!
“Disinfect the title by taking it to Char Kwan? That excuse is so idiotic and brain dead that it makes The Troll look intelligent! Bea, I used to think that you were a smart person, even in comparison to Bill, but whilst Fenris wanted to buy your husband a bear after you and him finally won the Mixed Tag Team Titles at Into the Void X, I only want to get you so drunk that your promos are actually fun to watch, especially since that Mixed Tag Title win will be the closest, you’ll ever get to another title win!”
Where does SCW find these people?!
“Let me make one thing as clear as day, when I attacked you to take back the title that is rightfully mine at Climax Control 305, it wasn’t me showing you my true colours, in fact, if anyone was showing their true colours in that whole event it was you, Bea! No, instead, it was me showing two things, one: steal my title again and you’ll get worse than a simple punch to the face and two, you for the coward and bullshit artist you are!”
I added before shaking my head.
“Besides, if I wanted this title disinfected, I’d have taken it home, not to another Bombshell who’s had her eyes on this tittle since I won it at Into the Void X! Hell, I had to disinfect it myself when I returned home to get the stench of a perpetual loser off it! At the end of the day Bea, this whole episode of our SCW careers showed you for what you truly are, a coward and a snake! You know you can’t beat me for the Roulette Title, you know you can’t beat Maki for the Roulette Title and you sure as hell know that I’ll succeed in my second title defence! That was why you stole the Roulette Title and THAT is why you’ll fail to win a title again!”
And now onto Maki.
“Don’t think I forgot about my opponent with the shit taste in sports! Maki, you did come close to beating me for the title at Climax Control 304 and even I’ll admit that I don’t know how that Roulette Title defence would’ve gone if Bea wasn’t there to stick her nose in someone else’s business, but the facts remain the same! The history books will remember that Krystal Wolfe retained the Bombshell Roulette Title in her first defence against Maki!”
But enough about the past!
“But tell me Maki, have you ever heard the phrase “almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades”? Because whilst it is true that you were a hair’s breadth away from beating me for the Roulette Title it won’t count until you beat me for the Roulette Title and much like England in the Euros Final against Italy at Wembley Stadium last night, you may have come close but in the end, it’ll be your foreign opposition that takes the win!”
That’s right, I’m going there!
“What? Did you think I was ignorant of the Euros Final happening in England just because I bad mouthed the sport? Please, on Facebook I’m friends with several people that I first met on UK/European tours back before the world went to shit and on Twitter? Good luck escaping over half your fellow SCW employees losing their minds over the football game! Including you Maki, and whilst you will fail to win a title yet again in SCW, I do have one thing to say that will connect this little tangent about the world’s most overrated sport to my wrestling promo!”
There is a method to my madness.
“Let me put it this way, my room is right next to a passionate football fan’s room, and they were playing a certain song over and over in the lead up to that final, how does it go again? Oh yeah, football’s coming home, it’s coming home, it’s coming! Pathetic, that song is one of the worst I’ve heard in a long time! But back to my point Maki, you see England didn’t bring Football home last night, did they? Instead, it’s going Rome, and this title is coming home with me and not you Maki but again, your used to failing to win a title in SCW by now, aren’t you?”
It’s that simple.
“I have one opponent obsessed with exposing the real me and one opponent obsessing over the inferior version of Rugby, yet they are more concerned with that than the one thing that SHOULD be their priority and that’s the title that I’m currently holding over my shoulder, the SCW Bombshell Roulette Title and this Sunday will be my second defence since I won it at Into the Void X, but it won’t be my last!”
And with that I decided to wrap things up.
“Bea, Maki, I’ve worked too hard over the past seven months for my first title reign to end after my second defence and at Summer XXXTreme IX on board the ship of dreams, this match will be a nightmare for the two of you! Bea can shout to the high heavens all she wants about how she didn’t steal the title from me and was going to give it back but if you believe her then I have a sweet deal on a bridge, just for you! And Maki? Her football team failed to win the Euros last night and this Sunday she’ll fail to win the title from me in much the same way, only this sport isn’t about kicking around a ball and falling to the floor at the slightest touch, it’s about kicking ass and after I send you both flying into the pool, I’ll retain the SCW Bombshell Roulette Title!”
I went to start my stream as the scene fades.
