[Steve Ramone]

 Steve won the Ball Pit Match (yes, really) against Bruce Evans but he was far from done last night on Climax Control as he would later have a confrontation with the reigning “King” Despayre which resulted in two things, Steve’s finger getting bitten resulting in that particular seg being cut short and Despayre signing a match between them at the last minute for the following Climax Control.

However, Despayre wasn’t just satisfied with a match with Steve as he added a stipulation to the match and made it the Main Event of the evening, so what was the stipulation? Well not only would the title of king be up for grabs but Despayre was willing to put his guaranteed title shot on the line (which he received as a result of winning the King for a Day Match) meaning that if Steve won he could go after any champion he wanted, the bosses agreed to this and made it official for this week’s Climax Control from Laughlin, Nevada but can Steve win?

Local Karaoke Bar, Las Vegas, Nevada
January 11th, 2016, 18:00pm

I swear to go, SCW had better start administering rabies tests!

You wouldn’t think that a disease like rabies would run rampant in a wrestling company, animal shelters? I’m pretty sure that they put down any animal that has that disease and with good reason but that’s beside the point, not only was the current king out of line but as soon as I take my rightful place as king (which will be this Sunday) I’ll ensure that Despayre is tested for Rabies!

Well that and I’ll get the bandage on my finger removed since it should be heeled up by then.

My point is that I beat the man that Despayre put me against in the Ball Pit and whilst you could make about a dozen jokes about the fact that the man I beat was “Blaque Hart” Bruce Evans who was forcibly ejected from the closet last year and that I beat him in a Ball Pit the fact remains that I won the match that Despayre set up to punish me for the midget comments I made the week before and I pretty much forced Despayre’s hand and made him make a match between us for the following Climax Control whilst he was still in charge.

Good thing that the bosses decided to go ahead and make the match official!

Anyway unless you’ve been under a rock all day for some reason you’ve probably heard that the music world has lost (yet another) legend in David Bowie to cancer just after he released a new album to boot! Now I’ll be the first to admit that I am not the biggest David Bowie fan around, in fact the only song of his that I know off by heart is that villain song he sung for that fantasy movie called Labyrinth.

Why are you shocked by that news? I could’ve sworn that it was obvious that my main genre is Heavy Metal and all its Sub-Genres!

But regardless tonight at Karaoke me, Cyrus and Andreas are going to pay tribute to the man himself with a cover of Dance Magic Dance with me on vocals/David Bowie cosplay and my bodyguards on backing vocals.

Where’s Charlotte in all this? Well if you had actually paid attention to my Twitter feed earlier you’d know that she refused to be seen in public with me dressed as David Bowie in Labyrinth and whilst I did initially cancel my cosplaying plans we were able to reach a compromise, meaning that she’s back at the house looking after the kids and Dio and besides, after our argument last week I figured that she needed some space.

“Up next is Steve, Cyrus and Andreas with what Steve described as their tribute to the Late, Great David Bowie!” The announcer called out and we made a break for the Karaoke stage, this wasn’t our regular haunt, for one thing Andreas was getting funny looks from the other patrons for his Obituary Inked In Blood t-shirt and anyone who owns the album can guess why, it’s a normal karaoke club with at least a third of the songs being 80s pop songs and the heaviest song on the list is Poison by Alice Cooper, great song don’t get me wrong but not very heavy, anyway there were some cheers from the audience but some looks of confusion from people who had obviously not heard about David Bowie’s death. “Yes, unfortunately David Bowie died this morning.” The announcer added before noticing the get-up I was wearing. “And I don’t want to know what that guy does on weekends!”

“I’m a wrestler if you must know!” I responded to him before the announcer left the stage and we took to the stage grabbing a mic each, there was some laughter from the audience when they saw me in my David Bowie cosplay complete with 80stastic hair. “You remind me of the babe!”

“What babe?” Andreas asked as the sympathizers kicked in.

“The babe with the power.” I responded as the song started to pick up.

“What power?” Cyrus asked and I turned to him.

“The power of voodoo.” I responded and I couldn’t help but grin as I heard audience members doing the routine with us.

“Who do?” Cyrus asked and I grinned.

“You do.” I responded as I started dancing, badly but I danced all the same.

“What do?” Andreas asked as he tried not to laugh and my grin grew wider.

“Remind me of the babe.” I responded before launching into the cover of “Dance Magic Dance” from the Labyrinth soundtrack and you know what? The crowd was actually into it……until I started singing which wasn’t helped by the fact that Cyrus and Andreas were doing Death Metal Growls as backing vocals, then the jeers came, and then the off chants came, what do they think this Britain’s Got Talent (and before you ask I happened to catch an episode of the show whilst SCW was in England last year)? Still I finished the song and took a bow causing the Bowie wig to fall off. “I regret nothing.”

“Err, give it up for Steve, Cyrus and Andreas!” The announcer called out as I bent over to pick the wig back up and we quickly left the stage before heading back to our booth. “Well hopefully Sophie and Amanda will be better with their cover of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.”

“I told you that we should’ve stuck to the Metal Karaoke bar.” Cyrus commented with an annoyed grunt as the two ladies got up on stage, they were both in their early twenties and whilst Amanda had blonde hair that went down to she shoulders Sophie had dark brown hair that went down to her waist, needless to say both girls were attractive and were wearing revealing outfits though given the fact that it was an unusually warm day in early January (even for Vegas) I wasn’t surprised. “But no, you had to do your tribute to David Bowie and the metal club doesn’t have any David Bowie on the Karaoke list.”

“I’ll make up for it next week, we’ll go to our regular club and basically pretend that we were never here.” I responded as I took a sip from my beer and watched the girls cover Cyndi Lauper which was only marginally better than our cover, then again they are both noticeably drunk so that might be playing a part in it. “Pretty sure they’ll never let us return here after that performance anyway.”

“Good point.” Andreas nodded in agreement as he took a sip from his drink. “Where’d you get that costume any? Jareth isn’t exactly a popular Halloween costume.”

“I had it custom made for a Halloween Fancy Dress Party years ago, during my hiatus from wrestling.” I responded as I took another sip, yuck even the beer here sucks but it was the cheapest the bar had on tap. “I was looking through my closet the other day and happened to stumble across it, I was planning on saving it for SCW’s Halloween show but then David Bowie’s death happened and inspiration struck me.”

“Well it’s a good thing that Dance Magic Dance is just a three-minute-long song because if we were up there for much longer something else might’ve struck you, namely an empty beer bottle.” Cyrus pointed out and I couldn’t help but agree with that statement as the girls finished their cover though at this point I was just drowning out the covers by playing Motorhead in my, well, head. “Anyway, it might be a good idea to head home before the crowd realizes that we’re sitting here.”

“Things are still tense between me and Charlotte, it wouldn’t hurt to give her a few more hours alone in the house.” I responded before I noticed that Sophie and Amanda were making their way over to us, at first I thought that they were sitting at a booth behind us but nope, they were coming this way. “If you want me to apologize for my singing then I apologize for nothing! I usually sing metal songs, not 80stastic villain songs.”

“Actually that’s not why we’re here.” Amanda said with a laugh, her accent sounded like it was from one of the Southern States so she and Sophie must be here on vacation or something. “Are you Steve Ramone from SCW?”

“Yes, I am the greatest wrestler alive even if I’m not currently dressed the part.” I responded with a grin as I turned to the very drunk girls who giggled. “You want an autograph or something.”

“Actually we were kinda wondering if we could sit with you for the night.” Sophie said, again with a Southern accent, as she scratched the back of her head awkwardly. “We know it’s kinda awkward but our boyfriends recently broke up with us and you seem like a funny guy.”

“Well I do try my……” My response was cut short when Cyrus covered my mouth with a polite smile on his face.

“Give us a moment to discuss this, ladies.” Cyrus said through gritted teeth and the girls nodded in response before I turned around and Cyrus removed his hand. “Steve are you crazy? Charlotte already strongly implied that she wants a divorce but hanging out with not one but two younger women than her who just so happen to be drunk?” Cyrus asked in a hushed tone.

“They never said that they’ll take me to wherever I live for a three-some, as much as I’d like that.” I responded as I rolled my eyes again in a hushed tone. “They are just looking for some company!”

“And that company could easily turn into sex with both of them!” Andreas pointed out in a hushed tone. “And it’s not like we can pleasure them, Cyrus is married and has a kid whilst I have a girlfriend who runs the farm in my absence.”

“And don’t even get me started on the possibility of you getting either, or both, of them pregnant.” Cyrus pointed out and I frowned in response. “If your antics over the past year hasn’t gotten Charlotte talking with a divorce lawyer then you cheating on her with two younger women and getting at least one of them pregnant will.”

“Look, even if it does come to that I’ll wear protection.” I said as I tapped my wallet. “I’ve got a couple of condoms in here that I keep encase Charlotte wants to bang in a public place for some reason, besides Charlotte used to invite her friends for foursomes back in the GWA days.”

“Yeah, used too.” Cyrus responded with a grunt. “Except she’s older, wiser and has a kid, and that’s not getting into the fact the only reason Charlotte got pregnant with Sophie in the first place was because a condom broke after the after party for the last ever Unleashed.”

“That was one faulty condom.” I responded before nodding towards them. “Don’t worry, nothing will happen.”

“We’re your bodyguards Steve, it’s our jobs to worry about you.” Cyrus pointed out as he folded his arms and I shook my head before turning to the girls.

“Come on ladies, there’s plenty of room.” I told them and the girls grinned broadly (whilst Cyrus and Andreas let out exasperated sighs) and they sat down next to me, Sophie on one side and Amanda on the other side, a few hours passed and we were very, very drunk, the only ones who weren’t drunk were Cyrus and Andreas and they had agreed to drive me home if I had gotten too drunk to drive, it was then that Cyrus checked the time.

“Err Steve, weren’t you meant to be back home by eight o’clock?” Cyrus asked and I nodded, that had nothing to do with Charlotte thinking about divorce but it had everything to do with Charlotte preparing dinner that night. “You might want to check the time, and missed messages.”

“What?” I asked with a look of confusion on my face before I dug into my pocket and produced my IPhone, I hadn’t noticed it until now but the girls were pretty blatantly feeling me up though that might be the beer talking, that or the codpiece. “SHIT!” I yelled out with a wince as I realized that it was 11:00pm, we had somehow missed over five hours during the course of the night. “Charlotte’s going to murder me!”

“No, she won’t.” Andreas responded as an idea popped into his hairy head. “Cyrus, you still have your home from your days in SCW don’t you?”

“Yes though Miranda and I mostly stick to Miami these days, well Miranda does.” Cyrus responded before he realized what he was getting at. “How will staying at my house placate Charlotte?”

“We’ll tell her that he got very drunk and he didn’t want Charlotte or Sophie……” Andreas said as Sophie looked up briefly. “Steve’s daughter.” Andreas explained and Sophie nodded before returning to what she was doing. “……to see him that drunk so we took his to your place for the night.”

“Good idea, I’ll text her on Steve’s behalf since I’m pretty sure that Steve’s hand-eye coordination isn’t that great right now.” Cyrus added and I slid the phone over to him. “I’ll come back in the morning and retrieve Steve’s car, provided it hasn’t been vandalized by drunk patrons.”

“How will they be able to tell that it’s mine?” I asked defensively and Cyrus just stared at me.

“Steve, your car has a custom license plate that says “Fearless1”, if there were any wrestling fans in attendance tonight they’ve likely put two and two together by now.” Cyrus pointed out and I nodded with a frown on my face. “What about them?” Cyrus asked as he motioned to Sophie and Amanda.

“Our hotel is on the other side of the city we don’t want to be a bother.” Amanda responded and Andreas went to say something.

“Are you trying to ruin my marriage as well?” Cyrus asked once he figured out what Andreas was about to say.

“Just say that you offered them a place to stay for the night and paid for their cab fare back to the hotel in the morning.” Andreas responded and Cyrus scratched his chin in thought. “Given how much of a gentleman you are would it really be that much of a stretch for Miranda to believe you.”

“Good point, okay, Steve, Sophie, Amanda, you are staying in my guest room tonight, there is only one bed so you’ll have to share.” Cyrus explained and I grinned broadly. “Look, if you three end up fucking each other’s brains out it’s none of my business but Steve, try to keep in mind how tense things are between you and Charlotte already before you end up with them on top of you.”

“I’ll try but I can’t make any promises.” I responded and Cyrus nodded in response. “Anyway I’ll catch up with you guys, I got a promo to do.”

“Whilst drunk?” Cyrus asked and I nodded. “It’s your funeral, I mean people thought Jessie did her promo drunk last week when in reality she was drinking a can of coke but if you want to do it drunk then by all means.”

“We’ll wait for you by his car.” Sophie whispered into my ear before the two girls stood up gingerly and, with the help of Cyrus and Andreas, made their way out of the mostly empty club, it was at this point that I got started on my promo.

“Yes, I am drunk, yes I am dressed like the villain from a Fantasy Film from the 1980s complete with a wig, no, those facts won’t stop me from trash talking you Despayre!” I said as I held up my bandaged finger. “You have to be tested for rabies Despy, I’m sorry but there’s no other explanation for the fact that you bit my finger, I mean yeah I was prodding you with it but that was to make a point!”

I said with a grin on my face.

“But enough about the past, this week on Climax Control we will put the past behind us when we face off in the ring with your kingship and guaranteed title shot on the line, quite frankly I’m surprised that you were willing to put that much on the line and able to get the bosses to agree to it but do you hear me complaining? Hell no, this is a golden opportunity.”

I said as I shifted my weight.

“I have already beaten off the gay man you put in front of me, wait, no, that sounded horrifically wrong, let me rewind.” I said before trying to make a rewind sound with my mouth and failing miserably. “Close enough, I have already beaten Bruce Evans clean as a whistle so what makes you think that you can beat me just because you outlasted me in the King for a Day Battle Royal? Short answer is that you can’t and you know what else? Andrew Watts is still a pussy!”

Yep, I had to work that in somehow.

“The long and short of it is that you are a midget, your almost as tall as Tyrian from Game of Thrones only he’s better looking and me? I’m a giant compared to you and this aint Jack and the Beanstalk or David vs. Golliath, in the battle of small guy vs. big guy nine times out of ten the big guy always wins and this will be no exception.”

It’s that simple.

“Did I mention that you’re really short? Yes? Well I just mentioned it again so there! At the end of the day I will take my rightful place as king whilst you will be reduced to a court jester, hell last week on Climax Control it was almost like there was a jester on the throne based on the matches that you booked throughout the night, pancake? Musical Chairs? Paintball? What is this? A wrestling show or a kid’s game show from the 90s, you tell me!”

And with that I decided to wrap things up.

“I may be drunk and dressed like a David Bowie character but come Climax Control I will be sober and in my normal garb which is bad news for your Despayre! In fact, I think that my only obstacle in this match will be the fact that I will have to kick a lot lower than I’m used to so I can hit you with The Fearless Shot! This message has been paid for and delivered by “The Fearless King” Steve Ramone, the Champion and king that the fans deserve! Now if you excuse me I’m off to bang three hot chicks at once!”

I’m sure that sentence won’t come back to bite me in the ass as I gingerly make my way out of the bar as the scene fades.