[Mark Ward]

 Post all roleplays for this match, in this thread.

Good luck!

[Celeste]

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Crystal Clear
A 60 Minutes Special on Crystalline North...


*Ticktock Ticktock Ticktock Ticktock Tick!*

The image of a stopwatch is seen on the screen for a moment as the infamous ticking of the 60 Minutes can be heard as we return from commercial break.  We fade in to see a music video for Crystalline North's infamous song "Romani".  Dressed in gypsy style clothing, the famed singer walks through a mystical room of velvet and gold.  The voice of Paula Zahn comes over the video as the music fades to playing lightly in the background.

Paula Voiceover:  Ageless.  Timeless.  Effortless.  These are just a few words to describe the enigmatic Crystalline North.  From her daring course into bringing witchcraft into the main stream, to being toted as "The Mother of the Antichrist", another word to describe "Glistening Springs" singer is... controversy...  For this edition of 60 Minutes, we get to sit down and prod the mind of Crystalline North.

We fade into a nice, well lit room with khaki colored couches, and glass tables with a golden colored lamp that Crystalline looks at, admiring it as she points to it, mouthing something to Paula before the music fades out entirely and Crystalline composes herself, folding her hands over her black ruffled skirt.  Paula looks toward the camera with a smile on her face as she brushes an invisible hair out of her face.

Paula:  For 60 Minutes, I am Paula Zahn, and I am sitting here with a woman who needs no introduction.

Crystalline:  Oh... stop...

Crystalline and Paula share a chuckle as Crystalline looks over toward the camera, giving full view of the pentacle hanging from her neck, the silver shining in the spotlight.

Paula:  Crystalline North.  Crystalline, you are a very busy woman.  Since 1974, at the age of 18, you started out with Sleetwood Hacks.

Crystalline:  Correction.  As soon as I joined, we changed the name of the band to Crystalline North.  Well, we should have...

Again, both ladies share a chuckle as Crystalline reaches over to her left, and picks up a glass from the table, taking a sip of water before replacing the cut back on the table.

Crystalline:  "Hack" is not synonymous with Crystalline North.  See, I believe that you are what you put out into the universe.  I've never minimized myself, or the energies I put out.  It is what it is, Paula.

Paula:  Some people would call that arrogance.

Crystalline:  Arrogance suggests that I rub my fame and fortune in the faces of others.  I am a star, and I know I am a star.  I project myself as a star, because...

Crystalline motions for Paula to finish her sentence, which she hesitantly does.

Paula:  You're a star?

Crystalline:  Exactly.  But, what no one else seems to know is that we are all stars.  We are born of the stars.  What are ducks born from?  What are chimpanzees born from?  Why would stars be any different?

Paula clicks her pen as a bit of a facetious expression comes over her face.  She waits for the right opportunity, leaving Crystalline a bit confused.  Paula sets her pen down on the table as she adjusts herself in a professional manner.

Paula:  You know... you might be on to something.  You made your fame as a singer, and your ex-husband did the same.  However... your daughter seems to have made her fame in a rather different way...

Crystalline is immediately stunned by the topic matter at hand.  She places her hand to her chest as she gasps in exasperation.  Disbelief, and a bit of outrage resonates on her face as she looks off camera where a murmured voice can be heard telling her to react.

Crystalline:  Why, I never...  Leave it to a reporter to turn a positive, uplifting interview into a bashing in two minutes flat.  My daughter is a good child who found herself in a very unfortunate situation...

Paula:  Multiple...

Crystalline:  SOME very unfortunate situations.

Paula:  She stabbed a lunch lady with a spork... in the eye.  She left an elderly woman brain damaged from giving her a swirly in the mall bathroom toilet.  She crashed a car with a friend in the passengers seat for saying Johnny Depp was hot, because that was "her crush".

Crystalline listens to each situation described by Paula, however, it isn't anger that resonates on her face.  She simply nods her head as she hears just a few examples of the deplorable acts of violence her daughter has done at the age of 17.  She shrugs her shoulders.

Crystalline:  She is a troubled child.  Some children inflict pain upon themselves, while some inflict it on others.  At least she's not despressed, right?

Paula:  I'm not sure how to respond to that.  Someone who is depressed can be treated much more easily than a sociopathic, hormonally crazed teenager.  Your daughter has been caught on tape, entering a Black Friday event at Walmart, strictly to get into fights with strangers.  Who does that?

A clip comes over the screen of a 17 year old blonde Celeste walking into said retail store with a cart, after the crowd has already formed.  The security footage finds her searching for rowdy crowds, and when she finds some around a Furby display, she grabs a shopping cart with an infant sitting in the seat, and she charges forward, ramming it into a group of people.  She plows through them with a sick smile on her face before pushing the cart aside, picking up a woman in her mid thirties from the ground, and she flings her across the aisle into a video game security case, shattering the glass before turning around and punching a late twenties male straight in the face.  The video continues as the voices play over the horrified screams.

Crystalline:  My daughter... has a passion.  She is on medication for it now.  It is self medication, but it is medication.

Paula:  Your daughter is facing serious time, Ms. North.  Seventeen counts of first degree assault, property damage, and kidnapping.

Crystalline scoffs very loudly as we see Celeste rip a Furby from a small child's hands to bash it across the face of a nearby woman.  Once the woman is on the ground, Celeste does a very vivid impersonation of an elbow drop, ramming it hard into the woman's sternum.  As she gets up to celebrate, the scene switches back to the interview room where Paula looks completely disgusted.  Crystalline looks like she can't believe the last petty charge.

Crystalline:  Kidnapping  She gently strolled the child over so she could pick up some awesome deals.  That cart was clearly in her way.  And who in Hades brings a child to an event where they are likely to get trampled all over?  That mother should be in trouble for child endangerment. Just saying, Paula.

Crystalline stands up from her seat as she weakly picks up a chair.  She shakes her head as she mutters to herself.

Crystalline:  Please forgive me, Goddess...

Crystalline swings the chair, almost weakly at the lamp that she was previously admiring.  She looks to Paula almost apologetically as her shoulders raise up.

Paula:  Whuh... what are you doing, Ms. North.

Crystalline:  I figured if I wrecked the set, you wouldn't be able to air this interview.  I don't want you trashing my baby girl's name.  I tried so hard to keep her out of the news, and...  UH!

Crystalline crashes the chair against the glass table, shattering it before flipping the frame over toward Paula, who evades it swiftly, looking almost horrified.

Crystalline:  I'm so sorry, Paula.  I will gladly pay for all damages.

Crystalline yanks a microphone pole down, using it to knock out a few lights on the set as the mid fifties woman struggles, apologizing under her breath.

Crystalline:  Bill?  William?  Can we get everyone in this room to sign gag orders, please?

Paula:  You are a crazy woman!  Besides, all of that was caught on camera.

Crystalline sucks air through her teeth, again apologizing as she walks over to the camera, and gently knocks it over.  The screen cracks, but the video is still recording.  That is, until Crystalline begins to bludgeon it with the speaker pole.  After several good tries, the screen finally goes fuzzy for a minute... until a quick voice is heard as we fade in from black to the inside of a dimly lit bedroom.

Jared:  You sure it's okay to record over this?  It says "IMPORTANT: DO NOT DESTROY".

Crystalline is lying down on the bed with a cigarette between her lips, and black lacy negligee barely covering her body.  She inhales from her cigarette and shrugs her shoulders.

Crystalline:  It's probably just from some interview where I wrecked the set because I didn't like the questions.

Jared:  Which one?

Crystalline shrugs again as she flicks her cigarette across the room, tempting Jared toward her as she licks at her lips.

Crystalline:  Close the door.  I wouldn't want Celeste walking in and getting the idea that we're getting back together.

Jared walks over toward the bedroom door, and closes it as he laughs heartily, rubbing his hands together.

Jared:  Awright sexy.  You ready for this dumb Irishman to lay there while ya use him like a meat pole?

[Fade... Oh Goddess, please fade...]


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Girl Interrupted
#NP "The Nutcracker Suite Op. 71a" by Tchaikovsky
Huntington Hospital Della Martin Center; Pasadena, California (December 1st, 2012)


"I like... really wanna lose four pounds.  My target weight is one hundred and seven pounds.  I'm at a hundred and eleven.  I'm such a freaking fatty..."

This girl will not shut the fuck up.  Aww, I have a bit of an ass, so I'm going to complain about it.  Bitch, I want to stab you in the face with a crayon at this point.  I'm staring at her, with her perfect dark brown hair running down her shoulders like a chocolate fountain, and those big brown eyes that remind you of a puppy jumping out of a gift box on Yule morning, it's eyes lit up by the bright, colorful bulbs on the tree.  Except, we're in a fucking mental hospital, and they are lit up by bright flourescent bulbs that never shut off.  She is pointing out all of these non-existent flaws on herself, and yet she doesn't seem to notice that my hair looks like a blond birds nest with six week old roots.  That's what this place does to you.

"I don't know how you stay so skinny.  What are you on?  Meth?  Coke?  Or do you just throw up more?"

Insulting.  Fucking insulting.  I look up at her in a manner that suggests I want to fucking kill her, and yet, those eyes...

Me:  No.  I'm vegan.  I don't put a bunch of shit into my body like corn syrup, fatty animal carcasses, and hormone induced milk and eggs.

Well, other than street opiates.  But this girl doesn't need to hear that.

Girl:  Oh?  So, like... no bacon?  No omlettes?  Like, what do you eat for breakfast, or whatever?

Me:  Oh, I don't know.  Cotton balls and ice cubes.

This girl is a moron, because she gasps.  She actually believes me.  She's trying to figure out how one could live off of cotton balls and ice cubes.  Idiot...

Me:  It's a joke, honey.  Oatmeal, fruit, meat substitutes, almond milk...  Try it.  You'll drop at least 2 pounds right away.

Girl:  Really?  Oh my god, that would be so great.  Then I wouldn't feel like Rosie O'Donnell on a bloated menzie day.

I know she's being serious, but I can't help cackling at it.  That sounds like something I'd say if I cared about how much I weighed.  The only thing that makes it more weird though, is the fact that we're listening to seasonal music in the background.  Oh, and the fact that we're both surrounded by raving lunatics.  Wait, does it count as being surrounded when you're one of them?

Girl: God, girl.  You're so fun to talk to.  What's your name?  Mine is Fabianna.

Me: I'm the evil overlord of the underworld, here to wreak havoc and misery on everyone I come into contact with.

She nods her head as she listens.  Have I said that this girl is like a puppy?  She totally doesn't understand what I'm saying, but she's so loyal that she's doing her best to pretend she does.  I sigh as I look over toward an orderly accompanying an emo kid laughing hysterically as he mouths something like "They're coming for you.  They're watching." or some other psycho bullshit.  I turn back to Fabianna and crack a smile.

Me: ... but you can call me Celeste.  So what brings you to the wonderful world of Della Martin?

Fabianna:  Well, I went four days without food, and my cousin totally thought I was trying to kill myself.  So she made me eat, and then like... I stuck my finger down my throat and started puking?  Then, I went to find some medicine, like Pepto or something, because it has zero calories?  And instead, I wound up eating like six rocks of crystal by mistake.  So I'm on suicide watch.

Wow... is she... serious?  Someone needs to keep this girl on a leash.  I simply nod my head, thinking the story is over, which it is clearly not.

Fabianna:  And so those cuffs in the ambulance were so tight, I kept trying to loosen them up, and I was kicking and screaming, because I was strung out on meth, and I scratched up my wrists and almost died.  Then, when I got to the hospital, apparently I tried to fling myself from a window, but I knocked myself out on the window.  Worst... day... ever...  What about you?

Me:  I tried to kill five people at a Black Friday sale, and my mom thinks I'm a heroine addict.

Fabianna: Oh, but you accidentally stuck a needle in your arm and didn't know there was heroine in it... ugh, been there...

Blink.  Blink... Blink blink blink!  Hang on, I need a moment after that one.

Me: Uh, no... I knew.  How do you...?

Fabianna:  So, I know Black Friday at Niemand's can be so crazy, and I don't think you're insane for trying to kill someone over Prada.

Me:  It was Walmart, and it wasn't because of a sale item.

She laughs as she reaches across the table and smacks my arm playfully.  Unfortunately, she makes me color outside of the lines.  I grab onto her bandaged wrist as my eyes widen.  If she didn't look like a sweet latina puppy doll with rainbows and sparkles coming out of every oriface, I would have snapped her arm off.  But, the nurses are looking at me, and I can just see the relfections of needles in their eyes, fucking sadists.

Fabianna:  I... I wasn't making fun of you.  It's just... most people in this place are rich.  My cousin made sure before she put me in here.  I... I didn't think anyone in here shopped Walmart, except the techs and janitors.

I let go of her hand, calming myself down.

Me:  I don't care about that, but when I'm coloring pictures of Tweetie Bird popping out of a stocking... I expect you to not mess me up, kay?

She slowly nods her head, that ponytail bobbing quickly as she does.  She adjusts the cuff around her arm, wincing a bit as she quiets down.  She looks around the room, clearly looking for somewhere else to be, but when you're locked up in a mental ward... there's not a lot of places to go.  There's the fresh junkie in the corner who is scratching herself all over, to the point of making herself bleed, but she told Fabi to shut the fuck up, at the top of her lungs.  Sadly, in her two day stay, I'm the one who has been nicest to her.  Now I feel bad... kinda.

Me:  Just so you know... I hate you.

Fabianna: I'm... sorry.  I can go talk to the old lady over...

She points to the woman who is singing some sort of messed up nursery rhyme that reminds me of the old lady in "The Memory Remains" by Metallica.  Screw that.

Me:  No.  You're going to listen to me you self absorbed bulemic Barbie.  I hate that you have the nerve to call yourself ugly and fat.  I mean, I've seen some cases walk through here, and you don't even compare to them.  You could be a model, or at the very least a classy porn star.

She places her hand to her chest as a tear wells up in her eyes.  She tries to speak, but a light breath is all that escapes as she mouths "Thank you" about three times before her pretty little lashes flutter and she looks up at the ceiling.

Me:  Like my mama always said, you are a star, because you were born from the stars.  You are what you put out into the universe.  Dream big, but live bigger.  You're my best friend in here now, so long as we are in Della Martin.  If I ever hear you say those things about yourself again, I'm going to make sure your head goes through a window at this hospital.  Are we clear?

My blood is seriously boiling.  But, I don't really understand why I care so much.  I've spent time around self-destructive bulemia cases.  I mean I hung out with Paris, Lindsay, and Nicole for fucks sake.  I grew up down the street from the Olsen twins.  I never told them to stop being... themselves!  But, they never told me I had a problem either.  They never cared, but this girl... Fabianna... she cares enough to try to make this place just slightly better while she's here.  Me?  At this point, I'm pretty sure I'm a lifer in this joint.  I might as well make the most of it then, right?


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Photo Op
#NP "Deck the Rooftop" by Samba
Vancouver, British Columbia (December 1st, 2015)


I watch as Fabi and her fellow models set themselves up in a bed, and I'm beginning to wonder which prediction became true.  This is the set up for a holiday themed porn, but it's not so classy, other than the faux fur on her head and around her neck.  She is wearing a snowflake themed white and charcoal onesy catsuit thing, and her hair is frosted, as she is ready to become immortalized once again.  This weird reggaeton music I guess helps to promote fun for a natural appeal to these holiday pictures selling... wait, what is she selling?  Right before the photographer begins snapping pictures, Fabi winks at me and blows me a kiss, as if thanking me for giving her the courage to make something of herself.  She then returns to business as I look around the room at all of the bulemic models in the room.  One of them accidentally knocks over a glass ornament, and as she bends over to pick up the broken pieces, she cuts herself.  She sucks in air through her teeth as she cries out softly from the pain.  I can't help myself, but I'm drawn toward her.  Toward her bleeding finger.  It's like I can hear it singing to me, more uplifting than the heartiest yule tide carol.  Like the voices of the heavens are calling to me.

Model:  Excuse me, but can I help you?

I don't say a word.  I just stare at her finger as the river of crimson runs down it gently.  A trickle.  I look at her as I attempt to say something.  Instead, I just grab her hand and hold the bleeding finger closer to my face, studying it.  Like the ambrosia of the gods, I can't help but want more.  It's like a drug that I just need more of, even if only for my eyes to see.

Me:  Here, let me help...

AHHHHHH!

I "accidentally" throw her hand against a nearby glass table, causing it to crack and scrape at her hand.  I think I almost had an orgasm there as I shake at the sight of the blood rushing out for her knuckles.  I can't even pretend to be sorry as I just watch as the horrified twig girl rushes off for bandages.  Fabi is stuck in model mode, but I know she saw what just happened, and she's instantly regretting inviting me along for this girls day at work thing.  Good!

I look at the droplets showing her path toward the bathroom, and I can't help but follow them across this swank studio apartment.  I make it half way there before I spot a wrought iron spiral staircase.  I slowly walk my way up to the loft portion of this apartment, with a beautiful view of the city, and no one around to hear my insanity... well, except you guys, right?

Me: How I missed that... I'm no stranger to blood.  I was born of blood, and I live by blood.  So, doesn't it just seem fitting that I lust for blood?  If you think about it, don't we all?  I mean, we can hide behind leather bound fairytales of saviors and morals.  We can hide behind crosses, stars of David, hijabs, or pentacles, but deep down, we are only human, right?  We want money.  We want sustainance.  We want leverage.  We want to be the best, and we sacrifice blood to get these things.  We sacrifice our own, and the blood of other beings.  Why fight that?

I look down to my purse, and I pull out a cigarette.  I press it between my lips as I pull out a lighter from my jacket pocket.  It takes me a few strikes to finally light it.  I savor it for a moment before exhaling, with a smile on my face.

Me:  Is it because we feel that the higher power doesn't want us to?  Is it because the trees are trimmed, the streets sparkle with multi-colored lights, stockings hang from our mantles, and Santa Claus is coming to town?  We don't want to make his naughty list?  Trust me, I've been a very bad girl, for a very long time, and unless he's hiding coal in my Tiffany's collections, or my first class tickets to Berlin... I don't think it matters much.

I look forward at the sparkling lights of Vancouver, lit up even brighter for the holiday's I speak of.  For a moment, it makes me pause in awe, feeling like little more than an ant by comparison.

Me:  I can do all the bad I want, and I still get anything my little ole heart desires.  I have riches beyond belief.  I have more jewelry than I could ever possibly want to wear.  My closet is bigger than some people's homes.  I want for nothing... except for the one thing money and power can't buy... a name of my own.  That's something I have to make the old fashioned way.

I grit my teeth is a fake display of anger and rage before cracking a smile.  I look down to my cigarette before bringing it back up to my full cherry red lips.  The ember glows brightly as I suck in the harsh, delightful smoke, tapping the end of the cigarette so that the forming ashes fall slowly to the ground well below my feet.

Me:  That starts when people see how serious I am about wrestling.  You would think they would have gathered that when I could have advanced to the next round of the tournament, but stepped back to give it to someone who has put in more time in SCW than I have, but no.  Or, the time I defeated a namestay in SCW, who holds records for lengthy title runs.  No, not as many title runs as some blumpkin fetish film star like Amy Marshall, but real, quality, lengthy title runs.  The kind that actually matter.  Did they?  Haha, no.

As I'm looking down, I see the blond model girl whining to the shoot coordinator as she has her hand wrapped in a towel.  I watch as she runs off crying, and the shoot coordinator gently walks over to Fabi, who professionally stays on point despite listening to this man beg her to stay for another round.  Tanya Harding, bitch!

Me:  I've been trying to do this the zen sort of way, but that hasn't exactly been working out for me.  I love violence.  I fucking love it.  Why else would the daughter of a rock star, former model slash actress slash singer slash you name it... Okay, I failed at all of those things.  Even being the daughter of a rock star.  Who knows, I just might fail at this wrestling thing too.  But, something about wrestling isn't like all of the other things.  I tried to make sense of it, I really have.  Why would I spend money to get my ass kicked and go home looking like I just got out of a bar fight?  Why would I lose money to fight for some crappy indy company when I could easily throw mama's name around and get into something much... much better than SCW?  Why am I just a statistic in a line of movie stars, magicians, models, and other elite's of society who spend money to work for SCW?

Why?  No, seriously, why would I do that?  It sounds stupid, doesn't it?

Me:  It isn't about the money.  Money, I have.  I don't need more.  Maybe that's why these others do it too, I don't know.  But, I'm not one of society's elite members.  I'm just a white trash, former junkie, sociopath who happened to be born to a family with money.  I am not one of them, I just live like they do.  I will make my own name in this business, and I respect the business enough to start from the bottom.  Like... the very bottom.  Once I've graduated from this shit hole, I will move on.  But, until then, I am a Nobody, living amongst Sombodies.

I gently twirl the cigarette around between my index and middle finger as I try to process what I'm even trying to say.  I guess I'm the Homocidal Queen and the Tangent Queen...

Me:  I've proven what I can do in the ring when put against some of the best SCW has ever seen.  That was easy.  That took no sacrifice.  That isn't even a taste of what I'm capable of.  Some people have asked me if I was crazy for agreeing to a taipei deathmatch in my fourth professional wrestling match, ever.  I am crazy, and I'm surprised that you haven't picked up on that yet.  I'm just a different kind of crazy.

Inhale. Exhale.  Sean Jackson style.

Me:  You know, I'd love to say that this match with Jessie Salco isn't personal.  I'd like to pretend I don't have cuts all over my back.  I'd love to say that this is just a stepping stone to bigger and better things.  But, I'm not a liar.  This match with Jessie Salco is very personal.  Everyone sees her side of things.  I stalked her in a mask for a month.  I followed her to her wedding.  I've attacked her with lead pipes, chains, chairs, and everything but the kitchen sink.  And for what?  Why have I done this?  What reason could I possibly have for loathing that piece of shit mosh pit trash?  Because, unlike my "sister" Alexis...?  I give a damn about my Nobodies family.  I stick up for my own.  When Jessie Salco was bullying my brother, Tim, on Twitter, on shows, and in promos, I got tired of waiting for Little Miss Sunshine to step up without her hood to correct Jessie.  I saw the pain that Tim hid behind his hood from the things she was saying about him.  I was put down by a Mean Girl, so I know exactly how it feels to have nobody stick up for you.  I watched Johnny Tsunami stick needles in his arms and between his fingers and toes.  I watched Kris Halich join in on the hazing.  I watched Alexis Edwards sit back and literally do nothing while us Masked Nobodies were forced to hide in the shadows and wait to be called upon.  Connor, Tessa, and I waited until we couldn't wait any longer.  We cooked up a plan to shut her up.

It hasn't worked yet, but the beautiful part is that the plan isn't finished yet.

Me:  I antagonized Jessie on a much more mental level.  I gave her hope when she got one over on me.  She thinks she's invincible, but guess what?  She's not.  She eats, breathes, shits, and sleeps like everyone else.  And now that I've pushed her to the point of making this the most brutal match she's ever taken part in, she's fallen right into my trap.  And as I'm pounding her face until it looks like ground beef, right as she's about to pass out from shock, knocking on Heaven's door... I'm going to hold my glass covered fist high in the air, as it sparkles in the light, in a disgustingly sweet red glow from her own blood... I'm going to let her, and everyone know... that this one is for Tim, right before I hit the Homocidal, and knock her out.  And when my arm is raised high in the air by the referee, and everyone sees what I'm truly capable of, that's when I'll be finished with little orphan Jessie.  That's when everyone, including Alexis, better be on alert.  I fight fair, but I don't fight friendly.  Just ask Jessie in about a week, after December 2 Dismember...

As I walk back toward the stairs to go see Fabi, once she's finished her second round of the photoshoot, I pause, leaving my hand resting on the rail.

Me:  And since last time went over so well with one whole response... I'm going to extend the offer once again for a little Holiday getaway cruise to the Bahamas.  All expenses paid, with a free performance from Crystalline North herself.  Tweet to @CelesteNobody with #IWatchedCeleste .  No contests, no restrictions.  Just prove me wrong, that people actually do pay attention to things around here.  Maybe this time, I'll get two tweets?

I smile like the bitch I am before I blow a fake kiss toward the camera.  Being around models turns me into such a cunt.  Oh well, it's time to go out and see Vancouver with Fabi.  Later!

[FADE]

[Jessie Salco]

 RP Title: Two bitches enter, one will leave on her own two feet.

Months have passed since Jessie’s problems with Celeste North, or the Masked Nobody, began at the last Climax Control before Summer XXXTreme III this past, well, summer but that will all come to ahead in two weeks’ time at December 2 Dismember III were the two Bombshells will square off in one of wrestling’s most brutal matches, the Taipei Death Match.

How the match worked was simple enough, both Bombshells would have their fists taped and dipped in glue before having shards of broken glass glued to their hands and considering the history between Jessie and Celeste it was easy to see why Jessie had gone for that match type, first Celeste followed Jessie to her wedding a few days before the last Climax Control before Summer XXXTreme III and continued to stalk her in the weeks that followed.

For most of that time her identity remained a mystery until High Stakes V where the Jessie and Celeste teamed with Steve Ramone and Tim Staggs respectively in a Mixed Tag Team Cage Match that not only saw Jessie’s team emerge victorious but that wasn’t all as Jessie finally unmasked the Nobody revealing herself to be Celeste North.

Their feud didn’t end there, two weeks later Celeste was competing alongside her stablemate Alexis Edwards in a Triple Threat Match that served as one of the opening matches of the Going for the Gold Match and, despite Jessie joining Belinda and Jason on commentary, she didn’t get involved as Celeste practically threw the match so that her teammate would advance by pinning Kate Steele but after the match Jessie attacked Celeste with a chair making it clear that she wasn’t done with Celeste.

A few weeks’ later Jessie made her challenge known and Celeste readily accepted however the bosses wouldn’t make the match official unless they signed a waiver in a segment that was overseen by Erik Staggs and they signed it without hesitation and, following a brutal brawl that resulted in them being taken to separate hospitals, the officials made the match official for December 2 Dismember III.

This match has been made official and they were set to face off at December 2 Dismember III but with how long this feud has been building up you couldn’t help but wonder just how bloody the matchup between Jessie and Celeste will be but can Jessie put the feud with Celeste to rest and win?

Hotel Restaurant, Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Tuesday the 1st of December 2015, 18:00pm

You have no idea how much I’ve been anticipating this match!

You should know the story between me and Celeste North by now, how she was a pain in my ass since before she was known as Celeste North and things only escalated after I unmasked her during the Mixed Tag Team Cage Match at High Stakes V and now it’s coming to ahead at December 2 Dismember III right here in Canada and the last stop of SCW’s world tour, it’s been a hell of a ride with its ups and downs but it’ll be worth it when I destroy Celeste in the Taipei Death Match.

Do I have any regrets? A couple, not unmasking Celeste sooner, getting mixed up in Steve’s feud with Tim Staggs and doing that suicide dive onto the glass at the last Climax Control.

But regrets aside there’s only one thing that I care about going into this match and that’s kicking Celeste’s ass! Hell I went with the Taipei Death Match in the first place because I wanted to deliver an epic and brutal ass kicking that’ll make the infamous blood bath between Misty and Roxanne look like a Bra and Panties match by comparison and it just so happened that the Taipei Death Match was the first match that came to mind.

That’s not to say that I won’t be hurting as a direct result of the match, hell I was already hurting as a direct result of the contract signing.

*flashback*

After the contract signing the bosses arranged for me and Celeste to be taken to different hospitals in order to avoid another brawl and let me tell you something, the only reason why I waited until today to do my promo can basically be summed up in the following sentence, I was having surgery done to get the glass out of my back and arms.

How did it get in my arms you ask? Well whilst I was withering around in the broken glass I ended up slamming my arms into the glass on instinct and, well, yeah, you can guess what happened next.

It was my first time I surgery and it felt weird waking up from surgery I’ll tell you that much, I always figured that it was like waking up after a night’s sleep but instead I felt even groggier than usual but that might be the anaesthetic wearing off or something.

Well that and my back and arms hurt like hell.

“Jess, I’ve seen you stage dive from some crazy heights and jump into circle pits that had you compete with guys that made you look like a small child, not that that’s difficult given your short stature but still.” Jake commented as I came too and I looked around, Shane was there as I expected but there was another face there and it was someone I hadn’t seen since my wedding, my sister Katie. “And that was still the craziest thing you’ve ever done!”

“Give me a few years and I’ll top that.” I responded with a grunt as I shifted my weight and turned my attention to Katie. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

“Yeah well, after I saw my sister dive back first onto broken glass I kind of had to fly in.” Kate responded as she shook her head. “Seriously Jess, what were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that I wanted to get one more blow on Celeste and that the Suicide Dive was my best option.” I responded with a frown. “I didn’t see the glass until I was mid dive and by then it was too late for me to stop.”

“That explains the glass in your back but what about your arms?” Katie asked and I frowned.

“Blame instinct, once I realized how much pain I was in I smacked the floor with both arms out of instinct and well, you know the rest.” I responded with a wince. “What’s the damage report?”

“The doctors were able to get the glass out without any difficulty you’ll have some scars in the areas where the glass was embedded, namely your upper back and arms, but they’ll fade with time.” Shane responded and I grinned at that. “Only thing is that we both know that scars like those don’t fade overnight.”

“Good.” I responded earning confused looks from my husband and my siblings. “I may have caused these scars by doing that dive but it’s Celeste that’s ultimately responsible, if she hadn’t decided to go after me then who knows? Maybe I’d be competing in the Queen for a Day Match instead and besides, this way I can show how dedicated I am to destroying her.”

“There’s no talking you out of the Taipei Death Match, is there?” Katie asked and I shook my head in response. “Jesus Christ Jess, you saw what happened at the end of the last Taipei Death Match SCW held!”

“Yeah I know but even if I wanted to back out of it the waiver I signed at Climax Control means too things, SCW won’t be held liable for the carnage inside the ring and that we can’t back out of it unless we want to be sued for breach of contract.” I responded with a frown and Katie sighed when she realized that there was no turning back from this point. “Even if there wasn’t such a stipulation in the contract I wouldn’t have backed out of it, I knew what I was getting into when I challenged Celeste to the match and when I signed the waiver and I intend to see it through to the end.”

“As long as you know what the match will mean for your health then I guess I can’t stop you.” Katie sighed in resignation before one of the few English speaking doctors, we were still in Mexico at the time, stopped by to tell us that visiting hour was up. “I guess I’ll see you at December 2 Dismember III.”

“Will do.” I responded as they got up to leave.

“Oh and before we forget Jess, the flight to Canada is scheduled for early in the morning and the doctors will be discharging you tomorrow, try to get a good night’s sleep.” Jake added and I nodded in response before they left my hospital room.

*end flashback*

Like Jake said, I was discharged from the hospital early this morning, around 8:00am Mexico time, where the boys picked me up and drove me to the airport so that we could catch our flight, that was a few hours ago and after getting settled in to our hotel and finding out that Slayer was headlining Bloodstock again not long after we arrived in Canada, in fact we found out just as we arrived at the hotel.

But I needed something to take my mind off the pain so we decided to go down to the hotel restaurant for dinner, besides we haven’t had a chance to look around the city yet so we don’t know it all that well.

“So, how are you feeling Jess?” Jake asked after we ordered our appetizers and entrees, I was on pain killers at the time and had brought down a cushion from me and Shane’s hotel room to make sitting down a bit easier.

“I had my pain killers before we came down and they are helping quite a bit with the pain.” I responded as I shifted my weight. “And as awkward as it is the cushion is helping a bit.”

“Well with any luck your back will be fine next week.” Shane responded as he took a sip from the drink he ordered when we sat down. “How about we change the subjects, what about Slayer headlining Bloodstock again?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I fucking love Slayer.” I responded as I pointed to the Hell Awaits T-Shirt that I was currently wearing. “But them headlining again? I know Twisted Sister are also returning headliners but they headlined back in 2009, by the time Bloodstock rolls around it’ll be three years since Slayer last headlined Bloodstock and that makes me worried that they are going down the Download route.”

“You mean by cycling around the same headliners every few years?” Shane asked and I nodded in response. “Well a festival that’s been going on as long as Bloodstock is bound to have some repeats with each new festival anyway, there are some exceptions off course.”

“Yeah, As I Lay Dying played in 2008 and considering the legal troubles that the singer has faced recently I don’t see a new tour happening any time soon.” Jake nodded in agreement as the waitress brought over our food. “And then there’s the bands that just broke up without any controversy.”

“Jake, the day that you tell me about a band that broke up without any controversy is the day that I give up on metal.” I responded as I rolled my eyes and I continued to eat. “Ex Deo doesn’t count, they went on hiatus so that Maurizio could focus on Kataklysym and his management company and they are returning with a new album in 2017.” I added when Jake went to say something.

“Point taken.” Jake responded before trying to think of another band. “You win this round.”

“And I’ll win every round afterwards.” I said confidently before continuing to eat the food, once we finished the meal, entrees included we got up knowing that the meal would be covered by SCW.

“So, what now? I know you have a promo to do Jess so shall we meet up upstairs?” Shane asked and I nodded in response

“Let’s.” I responded as I handed him the cushion to take back up to the room and we left the restaurant, the boys went up in the elevator whilst I took the stairs and, after a couple of minutes of looking around I found a dark spot to do my promo, mostly because I didn’t want to give people the wrong idea.

“Before I get started Celeste, let me show you something.” I said as I turned around and started lifting up my top, I stopped lifting it just underneath my bra but the it was enough as the cameraman got a nice view of the scars I got from the brawl on Sunday, I pulled my top back down and turned around. “Enjoy the show Celeste? Those scars are from our brawl last Sunday on Climax Control and I’m sure there’s a few others on my body as a result of said brawl, why did I bring them up? Simple, I was willing and able to cause some significant pain to myself in order to hurt you before the Go Home show ended, just how far will I go in the Taipei Death Match?”

I asked as I folded my arms.

“To be honest, I’m not so sure myself, hatred can make a person do some crazy shit in the ring after all but don’t take my word for it, just look at everything I’ve done up until this point! I nearly powerbombed you through a windshield during that crazy brawl that lead to the Mixed Tag Cage Match, I whipped you in the Mixed Tag Team Cage Match, I attacked you with a chair after you were eliminated from the Going For Gold Tournament in the first round, I was the one who laid out the challenge in the first place and last but not least I was willing to do a suicide dive onto a floor that was covered in glass just to get to you, all because you had to go and make it personal.”

I said as I shook my head.

“I’ve made no secret of the fact that I can’t stand The Nobodies especially Tim Staggs and if it weren’t for the fact that you took my comments towards your buddies so personally that you followed me to my wedding just to mess with me then who knows? I could’ve been in the Queen for a Day Match, or maybe I could’ve feuded with Alexis instead but no, you had to go ahead and stalk me for a number of weeks before finally revealing yourself and even then you hid behind your mask until I remove it from your face at High Stakes V.”

I said before scoffing.

“Actually, looking back at everything that’s been going on over the past few months has made me realize something Celeste, you’re a coward! You hid in the shadows rather than confront me directly, you hid behind your mask until High Stakes V when I unmasked and even after I unmasked you the hiding continued, even after I attacked you following the Triple Threat Going for Gold Match between you, Alexis and Kate Steele you couldn’t bring yourself to confront me directly until I made the challenge and even then you came prepared with weapons, granted I attacked you with a chair first but I didn’t break it over your empty head, as satisfying as that would’ve been, because I wanted to make sure that you had enough in you for one more match against me and, well, here we are!”

What’s that? You think I’m done? Nope!

“But wait, there’s more! When you played mind games with me a while back you had your own posse of Masked Nobodies backing you up even though your four inches taller than me and eight pounds heavier than me, during the massive clusterfuck of a brawl the only reason we didn’t make as many appearances as Steve and Tim is because you kept running from me rather than confront me until I eventually cornered you in the parking lot and last but not least at High Stakes V you used Tessa Flannigan to get a cheap shot on me before I unmasked you, you’ve been running from me since you arrived in SCW Celeste but in two weeks’ time they’ll be nowhere left for you to run.”

And I’ll make sure of that myself.

“Oh and one more thing, tell Tessa that if she even thinks about getting involved in the match I’ll be punching her just as hard as I’ll punch you and come to think of it that woman can’t seem to stop being someone else’s lackey, can’t see? First she was in the Mean Girls and now the Nobodies, also wasn’t she a mole in the Mean Girls? I rest my case, anyway back on point, you may be a brawler Celeste and I may be a high flyer but you want to know what the big difference is between you and me?”

The answer may surprise you.

“Experience, I’ve been wrestling since I was twenty one years old and I made my SCW debut at the age of twenty two, in that time I’ve wrestled a number of different match types to varying degrees of success and whilst this is my first Taipei Death Match I have a sneaking suspicion that it won’t be my last but more to the point, when I’m done with you your talentless hack singer of a mother won’t be able to recognize you!”

And that’ll be if I’m in a good mood.

“Just remember Celeste, you brought this on yourself! You could’ve just walked away from this back in August by not following me to my wedding, you could’ve just said “screw it, I’ll make my debut when Tim wants me too and forget about the much better wrestler that I plan to stalk” but no, you stalked me, you played mind games with me and at the end of the day you will live to regret your first six months in SCW.”

But will it be the end?

“Here’s the thing though, I don’t want this match to be the end of your SCW career, why? The potential for a rematch down the road and the possibility of me kicking your ass more and more, who knows? Maybe you’ll fall into obscurity like the so called “amazing singer” that you describe your mom as despite the fact that no one I’ve talked too has ever heard her sing and the ones who had described her as making Paris Hilton look like a competent singer but in the meantime get ready for the ass kicking of your life.”

It’s that simple.

“Oh, you thought that the Mixed Tag Team Cage Match was brutal? Bitch, this match will make that look like a Bra and Panties match by comparison because at the end of the day the bosses made us sign that waiver for a damn good reason, they don’t want to be held accountable for the violence that’ll ensue at December 2 Dismember III and for good reason, I picked this match specifically so that I could top the brutality of the Mixed Tag Team Cage Match and that means one thing, welcome to hell Celeste and I hope you enjoy your stay!”

And with that I decided to wrap things up.

“I’d like to paraphrase an old saying as I get ready to wrap this up, two will enter, one bitch will leave on her own feet and that bitch will be me! You may have started it back in August Celeste but believe me, I will finish it in the most brutal way imaginable and as you are being carried out on a stretcher after I beat the living shit out of you I want you to remember one thing, this could’ve been avoided if you had just walked away, this is the Heavy Metal Bitch Jessie Salco signing off, I hope you’re ready for a war Celeste because I sure as hell am!”

I started to walk up the stairs as the scene fades.

[Christian Underwood]

 Everything posted now counts towards the second RP period.

Second RP Period Deadline:
United States: 11:59pm EST Friday 12/11/2015
England: 04:59am Saturday 12/12/2015

[Jessie Salco]

 RP Title: “This won’t be a match, it’ll be a war!”

December 2 Dismember III was just a few short days away and it was an appropriate title for an event that was hosting a Taipei Death Match between hated rivals Jessie Salco and Celeste North, last week the words got very heated between the two women but on Sunday all the words that could be spoken between now and then will mean nothing once their fists are taped, dipped in glue and glass and they are let loose on each other.

Jessie has made no secret of the fact that she hates the Nobodies and that fact incited Celeste’s rage, she started causing trouble for the young metalhead back in August when she attended Jessie’s wedding uninvited and has continued to be a pain in Jessie’s ass ever since, Jessie has described this match as the rubber match between them, the match to end the feud but you have to wonder just what is going through her mind as the day of the Taipei Death Match draws closer.

Regardless of the outcome both women were going to be bloodied at the end of the match and it was a good thing for them that the match was taking place in Canada where they had free healthcare because they will need it! But more importantly can Jessie prove that her last win over Celeste in the Mixed Tag Team Steel Cage Match at High Stakes V wasn’t a fluke?

Walking the streets of Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
Thursday the 10th of December 2015, 18:00pm

Nothing like a bit of last minute Christmas shopping.

Okay granted the fact that I’ve spent most of the year in countries where English wasn’t the first language didn’t exactly help in that regard but now, as the world tour is finally coming to an end here in Canada I can do some Christmas shopping with the boys, we have lists ready for our family members, I’m buying gifts for Shane (though he already has his big gift, a drum kit, ordered for him), Jake (likewise with a new Gaming PC since his old one gave up the ghost a few months ago and he’s had to resort to playing games on his laptop ever since) and Katie whilst Shane is buying gifts for his brothers and Jake is buying gifts for the other siblings, me included.

Granted the fact that I probably won’t be in any condition to do any Christmas shopping next week since I’ll be recovering from the Taipei Death Match against Celeste, regardless if I win or not.

Really there’s been three things that I’ve been doing since my promo last week, thinking, planning and tweeting though in the latter case my tweeting had a lot to do with taunting Celeste whilst I tried to think of ideas for what to say in my promo but aside from that I’ve been pretty busy this past week with trying to figure out some stuff.

But in the end it won’t matter, not if I defeat Celeste one last time.

“Okay, we have our lists, what do you say to meeting back up here in an hour?” Jake suggested when we reached the city centre, I had a quick look around and spotted my first destination, a guitar shop since Johnny was looking to take up the electric guitar and, well, I’ve been playing for a couple of years now so I have a rough idea of what to get.

“Sure, call me if there’s any trouble.” I responded and they nodded before walking off in different directions whilst I made my way over to the guitar shop. “Steve’s music store? I hope this place isn’t run by that egomaniac.” I sighed to myself before entering the store, I looked around for a bit and checked my list.

“Hi, can I help you?” A store clerk greeted me and I looked up from my list.

“Yeah actually, I’m looking for a guitar to get my brother for Christmas.” I responded as I pocketed the list. “Problem is that he didn’t specify a make and whilst I play the guitar myself I don’t know where to begin since I’m a beginner.”

“Sure, I’ll see what I can do.” The clerk responded as he motioned for me to follow him and I did so. “So your brother, is he a beginner too?”

“Well, he’s been wanting a guitar for a while but doesn’t make enough at his regular job to buy one himself.” I responded as I looked around. “Our tastes our really different as well, I’m a metalhead whilst he’s more into indie rock.”

“Never would’ve guessed.” The clerk joked and I laughed at that. “Is he looking for an Acoustic or an Electric?”

“That was pretty much the only thing he did specify, he’s looking for an electric.” I responded and the clerk nodded before we stopped at a pretty sick looking guitar.

“This is a B.C. Rich Metal Master, not exactly what your brother is looking for but it’s got a killer sound but if you want my opinion the Fender Stratocaster is pretty much ideal for a beginner.” The clerk explained as he showed me the guitar and I grinned, thinking about coming back tomorrow and buying it for myself. “This costs 419.99 Canadian Dollars, there is financing available but since it’s a Christmas present I don’t think you’re interested in that.”

“You’d be right there, how much for a Stratocaster?” I asked whilst I tried to figure out how much that was in US dollars in my head.

“Glad you asked, this is an American Deluxe Strat with a Maple neck.” The clerk said as he grabbed another guitar. “Just a fair warning, this is a lot more expensive than the BC Rich.”

“How expensive is it?” I asked with a curious look on my face, it wasn’t too much of a problem since I normally spend a lot of money on Christmas due to my large family size, hell aside from concerts and festivals Christmas is the main thing I save up for, and I had about seven thousand to spend this year which was split between the three of us and wasn’t counting the stuff I had already gotten for Shane and Jake.

“1, 959.99.” The clerk responded and I couldn’t help but whistle when I heard that price tag, good thing that my injuries will be covered by free health care. “It’s a top of the range model, your brother will probably love it.”

“I’ll take it.” I responded and he nodded in response before leading me to the counter, I wasn’t looking forward to getting this past the Canadian border but at least that’s Johnny taken care off. “Does this place take Credit Cards or cash?” I asked, mostly for myself since I withdrew the money earlier at a bank and I was planning on coming back tomorrow for the BC Rich.”

“We take both.” The clerk responded and I grinned before handing him the cash. “You’re not from around here, are you?” The clerk asked as he rung up the till and I nodded.

“Yeah, I’m here in Ottawa for a couple of weeks on a tour.” I responded as I folded my arms. “I’m originally from Florida but at the moment I live in Vegas.”

“Nice, I have family down in Vegas.” The clerk responded as he made the transaction. “You mentioned that you’re on tour, are you in a band or something?”

“I wish! Seriously though, I’m a wrestler.” I responded as he handed me the guitar in its case. “You may have heard for the company I wrestle for, Sin City Wrestling?”

“Oh you mean the wrestling company that’s holding that big show over at the TD Place Arena?” The clerk asked and I nodded in response, then realization hit him and his jaw dropped. “Holy shit, your Jessie Salco aren’t you?!”

“In the flesh.” I commented with a sigh as I glanced around, normally I didn’t like hanging out with fans, at least not as much as I used to back when I first joined SCW but at least this guy seemed decent enough. “Will you be at the show?”

“I booked my tickets as soon as the show was announced at High Stakes V, you bet I will!” The clerk responded with a grin before grabbing a pen and paper. “Could I get an autograph?”

“Sure, why not?” I asked rhetorically before setting the guitar aside and taking the pen.

“Can you make it out to Josh?” The clerk, now known as Josh, asked and I nodded before signing it and handing both the pen and paper back to him. “I’ve been following your career since you joined SCW, about time there was a metalhead wrestler.”

“Funnily enough those where my exact thoughts when I decided to become a wrestler.” I responded with a grin and Josh laughed.

“Even so, I still can’t believe that you are going through with the Taipei Death Match.” Josh added and I frowned, I knew this was coming to be honest since the match was the elephant in the room.

“Look, if I were having second thoughts about it it’s too late now and besides, I needed a brutal match to end this feud with.” I responded before shaking my head. “I have to get going, I have other gifts to buy.”

“Yeah, sure.” Josh responded as I walked off. “Will you be coming back at some point?”

“Yeah, I’m thinking about getting the BC Rich for myself, I’ll come back tomorrow to buy it though.” I responded and Josh nodded before I left, setting the guitar to my side I got my phone out to text Jake. “Got the guitar for Johnny, costs a shitload of money but it looks like a good guitar, what about you?” I read the text out loud before sending it and pocketing the phone and retrieving my list. “Okay, Craig wants some new lifting weights, where the fuck do I get that around here?” I wondered out loud as I looked around, I got a text from Jake and I answered it.

“We’ve got the other stuff for you, meet us by the car?” The text read and I grinned a bit at having the load taken off my slightly, I texted back “Yep” before making my way to the car and whilst I was at it I decided to do my promo.

“Twitter is a funny thing sometimes, it can reveal who is really a moron for instance and yes Celeste that is directed at you.” I commented as I carried the guitar under my arm. “From resorting to your default, clichéd tactic of calling me, a married woman who has no intention of cheating on her husband, a slut to a Twitter war that almost escalated to nuclear levels I have to wonder if this was really your idea all along or if Timmy’s pulling the strings, so to speak.”

But I digress.

“Then again Tim isn’t that smart either that rules that out, you keep calling me a true Nobody but all you really are is a Mean Girl in Nobodies clothing! I’d say think about it but even that’s too much of a stretch for you so I’ll keep it simple, every insult you’ve used is the exact same one, you even use the same tired uses of “irrelevant” to describe someone with ten times as much talent as you! I mean hell, all we need now is for you to get anorexia, bleach blonde hair, Botox, plastic surgery in general, ugly ass make-up and the truth will be plain for the world to see!”

Then again there isn’t enough Botox in the world to fix the damage I’ll inflict.

“Actually on second thought, don’t bother getting all that stuff before Sunday because it won’t matter, not after I fuck up your face so badly that it makes the entire Saw franchise look like Barney the Dinosaur by comparison! This Sunday night I’ll be competing in the most brutal match of my wrestling career, there’s no two ways about it! Hell I wanted this in the first place! And in the end the last thing you’ll remember is a fistful of glass colliding with your face!”

If my other arm wasn’t occupied I’d punch my fist into the palm of my hand for emphasis.

“Like I said last week, this could’ve been avoided if you had just thought for a second but let’s be realistic, thinking is a first time experience for you and your actions since High Stakes V have proven that fact tenfold! The point is Celeste that, by the end of the match you’ll be dreading the time that we step into the ring to face each other again no matter what the circumstances are behind it! You want to know why? The feud may end after this match but I’ll never forget the actions you took that started this feud in the first place!”

Unless I get Alzheimer’s later on in life.

“I could go on but I won’t, the only thing that matters in my mind is defeating you in the middle of that ring in one of the bloodiest match types in wrestling history and considering the other contenders for that title that’s saying a lot! I don’t know how much blood we’ll lose as a result of this match Celeste and quite frankly I don’t care, as long as I beat you in single’s competition that’ll be the only thing that matters to me!”

And with that I decided to wrap things up as I was nearing the car.

“Celeste, you can claim that my comments about the Nobodies caused this until the cows come home but the reality is that my comments had nothing to do with it, any intelligent person would’ve just ignored my comments and moved on with their lives but that’s asking too much of you, isn’t it Celeste? Then again you did come up with a great band name in Mosh Pit Orgies but that’s all the credit I’m giving you! This is the Heavy Metal Bitch signing off, get ready for war Celeste!”

I reached the car and the boys helped me get the guitar into the boot as the scene fades.

[Celeste]

 <img src=http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view1/2250195/stevie-nicks-o.gif>

You Make Sexin' Fun
Crystalline North... A Sex Symbol?


We fade in to the set of "Mudslide: The Crystalline North Story" where Crystalline North is sitting in the usual black leather chair.  She is wearing her black feathered dangling earrings, a long, free flowing tattered Bohemian style skirt, and a ruffled black blouse as her long blonde hair flows down her shoulders.  Her eyes pop from behind the light eyeliner, and her pearly white teeth shine behind her crimson lipstick.  She crosses one leg over the other as she looks up toward the ceiling, thinking a bit.

Crystalline:  I don't know that I would call myself a sex symbol.  Obviously, I'm attractive, even at my age.  Most women would hope to look half as good at half my age, but I think sex symbol is a little extreme.

Off Screen Interviewer:  Not many people can claim to have slept with Tommy Hammer, Tom Pretty, Don Eagles, Jared O'Keefe, and all of the members of Whiteserpent.

Crystalline:  Oh... I didn't really sleep with most of them.  It was all rumors.  Mostly oral, and mostly on me.  Except John Simmons... that tongue...

Crystalline rolls her eyes back for a moment as if reliving those long, sweaty hours all over again.  She sighs and wipes at her forehead before chuckling as she looks back to the off screen interviewer apologetically.

Interviewer:  It's okay.  The truth needs to come out.  But, to be fair, we didn't know about John Simmons.  Interesting...

Crystalline:  Oh yeah.  Very serpentine.  But sex isn't exactly what being a sex symbol is all about.  Being a sex symbol is about exuding a certain confidence and intelligence in everything that you do.  It's about setting a good example.  In the early 80's, I promoted safe sex with condoms and dental dams.  Nobody listened, because, why should they?  It's not like there's some sort of sexually transmitted disease that someone could get that could kill them in that day and age, right?  Boom, AIDS.  I hate to be a stick in the mud, but I told ya so...

Crystalline's southern accent pops out a bit more behind her lightly raspy voice.  She shakes her head as if she wished she had done more.  With a sigh, she looks back toward the camera and interviewer once more.

Interviewer:  So what you're saying is that, you have tried to set a good example for people through the years, by promoting individuality, while also asking people to conform to a uniformed way of thinking?

Crystalline:  Well, when you put it that way, you make me sound like a member of the Bush Administration.  There is no more original thought.  Kids these days like to pretend that every Facebook post or Tweet is somehow profound, even if it's just talking about what they had from Starbucks that day.  It's not profound, or earth shattering.  But, there is the road less travelled.  The high road, and no, I don't mean the one my former husband stays on all the time.  I mean the moral high road.  You can't find a map in a book, or by praying to a single god.  It is in your heart, and in your soul.

Interviewer:  So, you mean to say that the Catholic church is wrong for preaching against contraceptives?

Crystalline:  Amongst about a thousand other things, but no religion is perfect unless you feel it in your heart.  I feel close to Gaia, Mother Earth.  And in my heart, I believe that humans are sexual beings who should not abstain from experimentation, so long as everyone involved is safe and consenting.  If a woman wants to sell her body, who am I to judge her for it?  It's no different than modelling.  Turn on the television, and sex is all over.  It's either in your face, or it's being hidden in subtext.  We are a sexual society, but at the same time, we shame ourselves and each other for being sexual creatures.  Church scandal surrounding molestation would be totally eliminated, and children would be left unscathed by these men of cloth if we didn't supress and shame sexual desire with words like "Whore" and "slut" and "cum guzzling sperm dumpster".  Free love...

Crystalline looks to the camera as if she had just given an after school special monologue.  Her motherly warmth radiates from her smile as she pauses to let it enter our hearts.  After a moment, her eyes raise just slightly as the interviewer sniffles.

Interviewer:  Wow, those are some very powerful words there, Crys.  Had you not been a world renouned musician, spanning decades... you would have been a philosopher.  However, your music has proven to be a path to reaching billions of people across the world, and being named one of the top one hundred sexiest women of all time, coming in at number 69 sure doesn't hurt things either.

Crystalline:  Lots of immature perverts go to number 69 on any top one hundred, so it's just as good as being number one in my opinion.  It's not a contest, though.  That's one thing I've always tried to instill in my daughter.  Life is not about gain.  It's not about contests, or winning, or recognition.  It's about being happy in what you do.  It's about love.  Loving your fellow man, and loving yourself.  Anger and violence are dispensable, but love is forever... And the sex is always better when you're in love.

Interviewer:  So, it is no surprise that your daughter has gone viral in a number of films?

Crystalline:  I have gag orders sent out on the Walmart, Chuck E. Cheese, and Des Moines, Iowa incidents, so any copies of those violent altercations are illegal, and possession of those will result in jail time.  However, the one sex tape, One Night In Celeste's Vagina, I actually promote.  There's a link to it on my official website.  That Marilyn Manson is such a sweet guy.  He even wore the condom I gave him, before Trent brought the camera crew in my house, during the filming.  My point is that it promotes responsible sex, and safe sex is fun sex, unless you're married.  Then take those sheaths off and do it like there's no tomorrow!

Crystalline winks at the camera before puckering up her lips, kissing toward us all to leave us with a feeling like we'd just been kissed by greatness.

[Fade]


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Ladies Night
#NP "Blood, Milk, and Sky" by White Zombie
The Playmate; Vanier, Ontario


"I don't think this is such a good idea, ladies..."

Wah, wah, wah.... I tune it out as we walk up the grimey sidewalk to the sleaziest strip club I could find on Google Maps.  I'm wearing my favorite black sparkling spaghetti strap top with the white bra underneath that pops out, and my hair is done up like a gutter slut, in messy curls.  On one side of me is Fabianna, whining about something or another with her Catholic morals or whatever about strip clubs, in her knee high socks that scream "Fuck me, I'm a school girl".  And on the other side of me, I've got Tessa who is on the same page as me.  We want to go near lezz to vent some frustrations around horny old men who want to throw their money away on nothing.  I mean, it seems like a reasonable respone to being broken up with by my boyfriend, right?

Fabi:  I mean, every time Chad breaks up with you, you drag me to some dirty strip club, and I always wind up getting staph infections or ringworm or some other grossness from just being there.  And then you say you want to give up on guys, and you force me to make out with you, and I'm tired of being your fake lesbian part time girlfriend.  I don't even like girls, even if kissing you confuses me.

Tessa:  Yer good morals make me sick.  Can I please knock this cheeky bird out already, C?

Me:  No, Tessa!  She might be annoying as fuck, but she's my friend, okay?  Besides, if you punch her, she will be knocked out, and then it's not a girls night.  It's just a creepy wannabe lesbian couple hanging out in a strip club.  While that might fly on Twitter, it doesn't fly with me, you dig?

Tessa nods her head.  At least she understands, but Fabi still doesn't want to do this.  Some friend she is, right?  I mean, if her boyfriend broke up with her for the fiftieth time, I would totally make out with her in a grimey strip club to make him jealous.  And, I wouldn't bitch about it.  But, before I can tell her that, I get a text on my phone.

Me:  Oh my goddess, how pathetic is this.  "I'm sorry I broke up with you.  I should have just slept with this broad and not told you about it like a normal guy.  I think I've just been so lonely since you're always on the road and I needed some strange."

Fabi:  Not's not just pathetic, it's kinda messed up.  Like, really really fubar.

Tessa:  What a bloody wank stain!  Who 'as the vaginer in the relationship, you or him?

That right there, is why I love this blonde bitch.  I laugh as I pull open the doors to the strip club, flashing my I.D. to the bouncer as I walk right in.  Tessa flashes hers in a similar fashion, while Fabi reaches into her purse, searching for hers.  She's really taking a long time, and I'm dying for a drink, so I walk up to the bar, past the dirty old perverts that make my dad look high society.  They make up the majority of the crowd, but there are a few groups of businessmen sitting at tables in the corners, in front of empty pole dance tables.  I take my Pabst Blue Ribbon and wrap my lips around the bottle opening, tilting my head back as I size up the crowd.  Tessa comes up behind me and orders a Guinness and a shot of Jameson.  Tilting the shot back, she chases it with a long sip of beer before sighing.

Tessa:  This music is bollocks, and this crowd looks cheap.  Why did we come here instead of the nice one on the other side of town?

Me:  Because, I don't want a bunch of posh sillicone tits bouncing in my face.  I need a gritty night on the town.  You have your roughneck baby.

Tessa smirks as she looks away, knowing I'm right, as she tilts her bottle back.  She puts up with the Krewella song playing, and the dirty strippers prancing around on stage like they've got something to shake.  Fabi walks up to us and scoffs as she places her silver purse on the bar.

Fabi:  You guys couldn't at least wait five seconds for me to get in?  Forget you sluts then.

Tessa:  Belt up before I get brassed off.

Me:  Would you two just kiss and make up?  I'm about tired of hearing it.  This is my night, because in about a week, I'm going to be so ugly, no one will want to see me naked.  I'm going to live it up, but I needc you two to at least pretend to get along here.

Obviously I'm annoyed.  If I were a normal person, I'd probably be crying in my hotel room, in a robe, and face buried in a pint of Hagen Daas.  I think asking them to come to a strip club to see what's up is no kind of torture compared to that.  I slam my beer and place the dead soldier on the counter before holding my hand up and sliding my credit card over to the bartender, because this is going to be a long night.  He enters my card in the system and hands it back before handing me another.

Me:  Drinks are on Chad, so don't hold back.  Lets get fucked out tonight.

We walk over to an empty table in front of the stage, right in front of a redhead with an hour glass figure.  This bitch should be getting tips, but the guys are all about the blonde at the head of the stage.  Pft, whatever.  Cherry's got our attention.

Fabi:  This is so demeaning to women.  It promotes eating disorders and drug addictions.  It also promotes a false sense of what sexuality actually is.

Me:  Yeah?  Where did you hear that, because that feminist bullshit sounds too well rehearsed to come from you at the drop of a dime.

Fabi:  It's on this brochure some manly woman gave me while I was looking for my I.D.  Or... she could have been a womanly man.  It was kind of hard to tell.  But his paper is right!

Eyes roll as I can't even deal right now.  I love her like a sister, but I'm not in the mood to hear about making twenty percent less because I have tits.  Let her drink her banana daquiri and sit on her high horse.  I'm more interested in seeing Cherry shake her boom booms.  I can send her a few bills.  She's got spunk.  Tessa sits back, taking notes for Connor, while Fabi pulls out her phone, probably tweeting about this.  I hold out a fat stack of bills and flick my hand across the top of the stack, sending them down on her half naked body.  She gently slithers on her back, holding one leg in the air as the bills slowly fall on her body.

Tessa:  Get it ye hungry bitch, you!

Fabi:  I'm totally gonna bloat in the morning, but I need another drink.

Fabi finally starts to loosen up as she snaps her fingers in the air, motioning for another cocktail.  That's the fun girl I know.  She pulls a few bills from my hand as she tosses it over Cherry, letting them land on top of her as she hugs them in, sliding them down her g-string strap.

Fabi:  WOOHOOOOOOO!

Tessa:  This 'un isn't so bad afterall, C.  I don't have the want to slam me fist down her throat anymore.

Fabi:  Aww, that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me... well, today at least.

They hug it out, which gains the attention of a few men around us.  The attention is taken off of Cherry as a man shouts from across the stage, "Rub her back!"  Fabi, being the smart of course (eye roll) rubs on Tessa's back, her fingers getting lost in Tessa's mussed up blond tussles.  This makes the crowd cheer, gaining them more attention as an old sleaze next to us says "Squeeze in tighter so that she knows you mean it!"  Fabi groans, but not in a sexual way, as she squeezes Tessa tighter, and so tight that they nearly pop out of their tops.  Of course, there are even louder cheers.  By this time, Tessa is starting to feed off of the energy a bit as she tilts Fabi back slightly, staring down into her puppy dog eyes.  I can't lie, I'm smiling from ear to ear.  Yeah, normally I'm not about fake lesbianism, but tonight is not a normal night.  Tonight is a night where girls rule the world with their sexuality, manipulating all of the pig men.  The dollars start to slowly fly at them as Tessa holds the back of Fabi's head.  The DJ begins playing "I Kissed a Girl" by Katy Perry, which gets the bills raining a bit harder, but the cheers become almost deafening.  Tessa leans in for a kiss, and this is where something strange happens.  I get jealous of the attention.  I mean, this is my night, right?  I place a bill between my cherry lips and i lean in, yanking Tessa's head back, and I feed her the bill with my mouth to hers.  I drop a few over her head before I lean in and with my beer, taking a sip before I kiss Fabi right on the lips, and the crowd of swine goes nuts.  This is where I know I've got them.  I rub Fabi's cheek as she catches her breath, and I put one foot on the stage as the flashing lights reflect off of my black vinyl boots and lacy fishnets.  I hike my skirt up a bit and wind my hips.  That's right, all attention is on me now, bitches.  Nobody upstages Celeste North.  I flick my fingers, and I guess the DJ knows me all too well as he puts on "Blood, Milk, and Sky" by White Zombie.  The tribal feel of the opening causes me to move my head back and forth slowly as I step onto the stage, taking a once around the middle pole, letting my hair fall into my face.

Tessa:  I take that back, red... THAT is one hungry bitch.

Fabi:  Get it!

I almost don't hear them, but a faint smile on my face lets them know I barely had.  I lose myself in the music as the music gets heavier.  I bite onto my bottom lip as I grind my backside against the pole, sliding down, and then back up.  I roll my shoulders with the music as I turn around, showing off the cuts on my back from my latest altercation with Jessie Salco, but these dirty fucks don't care as long as the body is still steaming.  It gives them a Frankenstein/Fifty Shades of Grey feel that they can't seem to resist as a wad of bills separates in mid air, fluttering down at me as I slowly lose my top, sending it flying in the direction the bills came.  My white lacy bra with black lining shows as I walk up and down the stage, shimmying lightly to the music.  This is when I know I've got them, and I see the man with the largest wad of dough in his hand as I kneel down slowly, like pro stripper style.  I turn my wrist to an inverted position as I use my hand to lower myself to the stage.  Glitter and dollars stick to my perspiring skin as I give him the lioness stare, crawling closer to him as if I were stalking my prey.  Each movement of my hips cause my skirt to slide down just a bit more until I make it to the edge of the stage.  I slowly spin around, hanging my head back over the edge of the stage.  With no hands at all, I remove my skirt and let it hang from the heel of my left boot.  I let it fly on display as I hold my hand out, taking every bit of money this geeky middle aged man had before bringing my leg back, surprising myself at my own flexibility.  He slowly takes the skirt from my heel, unsure if I'm really giving it to him.  The perv takes a sniff, and I'm done with him.  Gross.  I flick my legs back and forth for a moment before leaning back up, in just my bra and panties.

Fabi:  YAAAAAAASSSSS!

Tessa:  Best girls night  ever...

I alternate lifting my legs up, showing my newfound flexibility for a moment.  After about four alternations, I lean up on my knees, bouncing up and down  rhythmically before grabbing onto the poll, spinning slowly as I look for my next target.  And that's when I see him.  Dark hair, slicked back, and a face tat.  A fresh white tee, and jeans that show off every inch of his pride, and sunglasses that hide the fact that he's staring right at me.  Without making a single sound, I move my lips, beckoning him to come forward.  He smiles, a gold tooth shining in the lights.  He takes a drag from his cigar, as if objecting, but I draw him in somehow.  He slowly walks forward, letting his cigar hang from his lips.  He reaches the stage, and he's got no money hanging out because he knows he doesn't need it.  As he approaches me, I reach forward, taking the cigar from his lips as I puff on it before taking it in fully.  I take his glasses off to reveal steel blue eyes that are cold like a serpent, almost sending shivers down my spine.  I hang his glasses from my bra as I replace the cigar to his lips.

Tessa:  She got over Chad pretty quickly, didn't she?

Fabi:  Oh em gee, she always does, but you'll see.  They will get back together in the morning.

She knows me too well, but that is tomorrow, and this is tonight.  I watch as Baby looks my body over, liking what he sees, all the way down to the cherry on my pelvis, drops of juice leading to my wonderland, and that's where his eyes rest.  A man who knows exactly what he wants is so hot.  But, a girl can't make it too easy.  No, not because of morals, but because there's no fun in easy.  I turn away from him, and slowly walk away as my cheeks bounce behind me with each slow step.  I look behind, staring right at him with a wink and a smirk as I go to work the other side of the stage, but I can feel those eyes resting right on me.  That's not the only thing I feel though.

Fabi:  Celeste!  Look out!

I guess Sillicone Sally, the blond who was dominating the stage, gets a little jealous as she belts me in the back of the head with her shoe.  A shoe?  Really bitch?  Really?  Baby groans as he holds onto his forehead in embarrassment, showing off his knuckle tats.  Sally lifts me up, and I'm ready to beat the shit out of her.  It's not my fault real women know how to get the attention of men.

Sally:  Nobody flirts with my man, bitch!

And there it is.  Baby is a taken man.  Apparently it's serious is Sally is wailing on me, pulling my hair.  Little does she know, I don't care if she messes up my hair.  It's already a mess.  I stand up as fast as I can with Tessa and Fabi scurrying to get on the stage.  I hold a hand up as the crowd goes wild.  I don't think they were expecting a catfight tonight.  But that's exactly what they're going to get.  I grab onto Sally's neck, and I whip her forward with a Snapmare that I learned from Vixen earlier this year.  She takes a handful of my hair, but it's whatever.  I return the favor with a free hand, pulling out chunks of her hair, stuffing them in her mouth.

Me:  And nobody makes me look like a punk.

She sputters her hair as she screams in agony.  I totally have this under control... until three more bitches come running down the stage.  Before I realize they are coming, they are already smacking me and tearing at my underwear, trying to embarrass me.  I grab two of them by the hair and fling them into one another when Sally begins bashing me with her shoe again.  Tessa and Fabi take this is their cue as they jump on the stage.  Tessa wraps her fur coat around one of the stripper's throats, choking her wildly as Fabi gets some weak ass punches in on one of the others.  But, this girl isn't exactly a trained fighter, so they are effective.

Fabi:  I got you, girl.  This ho is going down.

The crowd is going crazy, and it seriously feels like an SCW show right now.  I mean, besides the sleazy venue of course.  The numbers are growing against us as strippers come out with anything and everything in the back.  Folding chairs, mirrors, broomsticks... you name it.  A bunch of trashy, low rent strippers come out shouting many names at me, some of the most PG being "Dumb Bitch" and " Stupid Whore".  I'm game, and I know my girls are game too, but the sound of sirens make me think otherwise.  I stand up from over Sally, and I jump off of the stage.  Tessa and Fabi follow, but not after Fabi hits a pretty impressive gymnastics kick to the Asian one.

Me:  Nice...

Fabi smirks as Tessa wraps her fur coat around my nearly naked body and we go for the door.  I grab a bottle of beer from Baby's hand, and chug it as he grabs onto my arm.

Baby:  When will I get to see you again?

Me:  Considering where your dick has been... never.  It was good while it lasted Baby.

Tessa:  Let's blow, C...

I pat the side of his face as Tessa drags me out of the bar and into the cold night.  I didn't get what I was looking for, but I did have a fun adventure.  Goddess, I love ladies night...

[Fade]


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Walking On Broken Glass
#NP "Walking On Broken Glass" by Annie Lennox
Venue unknown; Ottawa, Ontario



There is red everywhere.  On the walls, on the curtains, on the floor, in the plants... No, this isn't the set of a mass homicide, it's my super secret living accomodations for the last week and a half.  Today, I will not be living like a Nobody.  Today is about elegance and solitude, two things that do not come along with a gang of misfits who show loyalty by beating the living hell out of each other.  No, today is a "Me day".  I walk into the room, with a glass of red wine in hand, and I look at all of the amenities.  My ming immediately travels to the fact that it's far too quiet for my tastes.  I reach into my pocket, and retrieve my iPod.  I scroll past the usual trailer trash metal I prefer, to something much more elegant.  Yep, how fitting... "Walking on Broken Glass" by Annie Lennox.  So classy.  The opening piano chords play over the well hidden speakers as I stroll into the room, very nonchalant and shit.  I'm holding onto my wine like an elite socialite, gently swirling it around in the glass before taking a sip, savoring the taste.  There is a red velvet chaise lounge sitting in front of the fireplace, and the camera is conveniently facing me, so of course I'm going to walk up on that shit like a Playboy centerfold model.  My red robe parts just slightly to show off the pentacle necklace my mother gave me, resting against my bosom as I rest my bare legs on the seat.  Before I start this promo thing, I grab a remote setting on the end table, and I point it behind me, igniting the gas fire, setting the remote back on the table before I move my hair to one side as I stare at the camera with a bitch smile.

Me:  Well, here we are.  In just a few short days, I step inside of the ring with Jessie Salco.  The only reason why anybody gives a shit about the match, is not because of me.  I mean, of course... I'm a Nobody.  But, as much as my opponent wants to pretend to be a Somebody, she's just as irrelevant as I am.  The reason people care... is because...

I look down at my glass of wine, and there's only a few sips left, so it kinda looks stupid sitting in my hand.  I toss back the last sip, and then I stare at the glass for a minute.  I just have this urge to... CRACK!  I smash the glass against the arm of the chair, with one swift motion.  I look at the glass sitting next to me on the lounge, on the arm, and on the floor below me.  I pick up a single shard and hold it up.  My eyes rest on the shiny edges as I can't help but giggle.

Me:  ... is because this is involved.  Broken glass, tearing at the flesh of two unknown women who nobody gives a second thought to.  Jessie, I wasn't so eager to agree to our match because I like being in pain.  I'm not that fucked up in the head, sister.  Almost, but not quite.  I didn't agree to this because I want to destroy you.  I mean, it wasn't the only reason.  I mean, I did follow you around for two weeks, but that... honestly had to stop, because all you do is go to metal concerts and stay at your hotel.  Occasionally you go to a karaoke bar to sing metal songs, but that's really fucking it.  I mean, you're a loser in every sense of the word.  Destroying you won't be that hard.  No, the hard part is getting people to pay attention to the process.  That's where my little friends come in to play.  They are shiny, and it's a scientific fact that idiots like shiny things, and will most likely pay attention to anything involving said shiny things.  It's why Amy Marshall got voted Woman of the Year.  Her shoddy facial piercings were a great start.  But, she won so many titles.  Like... every single one, most of them in a year.

This really doesn't help my case much, does it?  Wait... there's more.

Me:  What people fail to realize is that, yeah, she won a lot of titles, but the reason she was able to do that with SCW's selective "Only one championship per person unless we really, like REALLY, want to fucking put you over for a night" rule is because she lost every title on the first defense.  She won the title, and then lost it before she could prove she was a real champion.  But, people patted her on the back, all seventeen times she won and lost a title in the same breath, because she had something shiny.  People paid attention to her for that reason, and that reason alone.  And, the only reason people even realize you're not a butch roadie for SCW is because she carried you through a one match victory to win the tag titles... which, to be fair to Amy... you lost for your team.  I guess she buckled under your weight.  But, it's no wonder, because she can't even carry a championship for very long before buckling under that weight too.  I know it sounds like I'm being a bitch... but that's because I'm acting like a bitch... No, wait, it's not an act.  This isn't personal, Amy.  I just couldn't think of someone else who uses shiny objects to get noticed as much as you.

I shrug my shoulders, because I don't actually care who I offend with what I say.  I like Alexis, and if I go on Twitter once or twice a week, with the sole intention of pissing her off, then why am I going to care what some former porn star, or the apparent size queen of SCW thinks of me?  But, for the sake of focusing on the enemy here, let's not get two strung out cum dumpsters on your back, now Peaches.

Me:  The fact that Amy was the superior wrestling between you to is what made me realize that this match had to have tacks or broken glass involved to make people pay attention to your destruction instead of going for a shit break or to get more popcorn.  People saw that I was able to do something you have never once done in your career, in beating Mercedes Vargas.  Now, it's time for them to see what I'm capable of when I'm pissed off.  Nobody wants to really see me pissed off, because, much like your face before I even get to rake it beyond recognition... it's not pretty.

This is where I'm done looking hot.  This isn't about showing off my looks, or my wealth.  It is about making a fucking point, so here it goes.  I stand up from the chaise lounge and I step on a few pieces of glass.  Oddly enough, I don't care... but that could be because I'm still picking pieces of glass from my shredded up back.  I walk over to the mantle over the fireplace where I spot a beautiful flower vase.  I pick it up to inspect it further, while continuing on.

Me:  I said it before, but apparently you and everybody else needs a reminder.  When you fuck with my family?  I fuck with you.  But, when I fuck with you, it's ten times worse than anyone could ever imagine.  I spare no expense, be it money, pain, or blood.  I lay it all on the line.

I smash the vase against the marble flooring before picking up the glass candelabra before giving it the same treatment.  Some frilly fake flower sitting under a glass globe?  I am not the beauty, I am the beast, so bitch be gone!  Smash!  The ballerina figurine?  Bye.  And I'm done with the trinkets.  I start walking slowly across the room as the cameraman follows me.

Me:  This match is very much business, but it's also for pleasure.  I'm not going to sit here and say that I'm not going to get a scratch, because I will.  I fully expect this bitch to come at me full throttle.  I expect to have to wrap my fucking face for a month.  I already reserved a hospital bed for both of us, because it's on.  She doesn't realize how personal she made this, long before I made any of this personal for her.  She can multiply the anger and bitterness she feels by at least ten.

No more Ms. Nice Nobody.  I pick up the fire poker on my way over to the dining room hutch.  I waste no time in swinging it at the glass doors, shattering all four within seconds.  I groan as I tip over the hutch, causing all of the china to shatter as soon as it hits the ground.

Me:  You can make all of your little tweets about how you're going to deck the halls with my blood, and how you're thankful for the opportunity to tear me apart.  Aside from the fact that everyone knows you're either an idiot, or you're lying to yourself, therefore rendering every word you said as pointless... I have an equal or greater hatred for you, fueled by the fact that I seem to be the only female Nobody under a wrestling contract who actually gives a shit about someone other than herself.  Watching Alexis galavant on Twitter with one of the single worst human beings I've ever laid eyes on next to Delia Darling is just gasoline over the heated fire burning inside of me.  Listening to her talk about running around "getting into trouble" with the biggest douchebag prick on the planet, instead of taking notes on what it actually is to be a Nobody, is the kindling for this hatred, Jessie.  It should have been you and her in this Taipei Deathmatch, but since Alexis is more concerned with her social standing, I gladly stepped up to put the first of many, MANY SCW bitches in her rightful place.  Not in the name of Celeste North, but in the name of The Nobodies.

As I'm talking, I'm legit tearing shit up.  I mean, swinging that poker at the glass end tables, coffee table, kitchen table, lighting fixtures...  It's not pretty.  Aside from the windows, nothing glass is safe.  I go into the kitchen, and I think I'm coming off as a bit crazy... like Shining "HERE'S JOHNNY" crazy, as I'm breaking glass doors to cabinets, glassware, and vases like my life depended on it.  Once I literally see no more glass, I stop swinging, and I stop talking.  My nearly naked chest is heaving, sweat is beginning to pour down my face, and I'm kinda laughing about it all.  All while my hair is partially covering my face.  With each hard breath, a few strands of hair move out of my face until there are only a few clumps.  I run my hands over my forehead, wiping them away, along with a bit of sweat, as I finally catch my breath.  I stop and look around for a second before I spot the camera.  I rest my eyes on it as I walk over to a cabinet draw that is not busted wide open.  Figures I'd miss the one that I actually needed to open, right?

Me:  I never claimed to play nice.  There are no limits to the levels I will sink to prove a fucking point.

I pull out a roll of duct tape, and waste no time in wrapping it around my knuckles, and down to my wrist of my right hand.  I move along to my left hand as I begin to speak again.

Me:  Jessica, I am already bored of you.  The only thing that keeps me hanging on to this bloody vendetta with you is that I like to have the last laugh.  You'll have to kill me to take that away from me.  I will always come back, Jessie.  I won't rest until you have learned your lesson not to fuck with the Nobodies... even Alexis.

I wink, because I know Alexis is watching this, and I know that she knows I'm one hundred and ten percent serious about the undertones of what I've just said.  Once my wrists are secured with tape, I pull out a large bottle of glue, and pour it over my taped fists.  It's a lot messier than I had expected, as globs of it fall off of my hands, but there's enough to get my point across.  I begin slowly dragging my knuckles through the broken glass on the countertop.

Me:  This is not the most dangerous weapon in this match, Jessica.  I hope you realize that, because you definitely are not acting that way.

As I walk back through the dining room toward the living room, I reach down to gather up bits of the glass from everything I've broken along the way, all the way back to the fireplace mantle.  I stop for a second, turning back to the camera.  I slowly walk forward to the chaise lounge, and I lie down, propping my feet up as they gently leak blood from the many, many cuts on the bottom of my feet.

Me:  The most dangerous weapon is the one that doesn't care what happens to it, so long as it's enemy goes down with it.  That would be me, fucktard.  I'm the most dangerous weapon in this match, and surprise, I have my finger on the trigger, bitch, smoking barrel aimed for your empty fucking head.  I'll see you on Sunday, Jess...

No need for dramatics, and no need to offer an extravagant cruise to anyone who actually watched this to the end.  My point has been made clear, and I'm finished, nothing left unsaid.

[Fade]