The camera starts with a shot of the Gold Mine Gym, in Long Beach, California - The location of the next edition of Climax Control. The camera pulls away to see a mobile home, right in front of the main doors to the gym. The camera moves in closely to the white home, with dark tinted windows. Discarded beer cans litter the outside of the house on wheels, mostly by the door. The camera moves in towards the door as it opens, to show Brandi Shotze, standing in white denim shorts and a light blue T-shirt. Her hair is wild and messy, and no shoes on her feet. Brandi looks at the camera, her eyes half shut.
Brandi: Aw shit, cameraman, promo and all that shit.
Brandi shades her eyes from the sun.
Brandi: If I remembered this shit, I wouldn't have gone to that jazz club last night.... well I wouldn't have gone if I didn't mishear the word jazz, but not the point.
Before Brandi can continue, a police car pulls up outside of the mobile home. Brandi turns her attention to the two that step out, the first, a man in his mid thirties, the other, a young blonde female in her mid twenties. The two walk towards Brandi, as Brandi looks beyond the camera to the cameraman.
Brandi: I don't do well with authorities, so this might get a little wild, you have bail money, right?
The camera shakes from side to side.
Brandi: You have Christian's number though, right?
The camera moves up and down.
Brandi: Ok, if it gets to the point I have to shove his nightstick up his ass, y'all call Christian.
The police approach Brandi, the male taking the lead.
Policeman: Ma'am, we've had some complaint....
Brandi puts her hand up, stopping the officer in his tracks.
Brandi: Were the complaints about that ferret you got asleep on your head? Cause damn buddy, you should sue the con artist who made that wig.
The policeman's mouth opens, not sure how to respond to Brandi's comment. Brandi looks at the police woman instead.
Brandi: Yeah, he ain't got nothing left to say, your turn Barbie.
The police woman clears her throat.
Police woman: We've had complaints about your mobile home being parked here, it's illegal to have it parked here.
Brandi: Hell in some states sweetheart, it's illegal to kick a horse, but if it kicks me first, you can bet ya little flat chest that I'm kicking the damn thing back.
The police woman looks surprised by Brandi's comments, but continues anyway.
Police woman: It needs to be moved, not to mention all the littering, which I presume is yours.
The police woman points to the beer cans outside the mobile home. Brandi slowly shakes her head.
Brandi: What are you talking about darlin'? It was like that when I got here. In fact I parked right next to the beer cans, just because it reminded me of home. You know down south, they think you're poor if you don't have a pile of beer cans outside ya front door.
Brandi looks deadly serious at the police woman, but the man talks.
Policeman: They need to be cleaned up, and that thing needs to be moved.
Brandi looks back at the police officer with a smile.
Brandi: I forgot you was even standing there. I bet you was sneaking a peek at the ladies, while I walk talking away to Barbie, wasn't ya?
The police man looks shocked, shaking his head fast.
Policeman: No, I wasn't.
Brandi nods her head.
Brandi: You was, you have the look of a dirty old man that jumps out on people while wearing a brown trench coat. Lemme give you some advice there officer. If you're gonna jump out and wave the weeny around in public, please make sure the weeny can be seen by people without a magnifying glass, because looking at that peanut bulge you got there, you should stop being a dirty old man, you don't have the equipment.
The police officer moves towards Brandi.
Policeman: That's it, I've had enough of this.
Brandi looks at the cameraman.
Brandi: This is the point where you might wanna get Christian on the phone.
The policeman moves in closer to Brandi, who moves herself forward, the policeman, lightly brushing against her chest.
Brandi: He tried to grope the ladies!
Brandi lifts her knee, catching the policeman in the groin area. She flicks his hat off his head and lifts the wig from his head. She holds it towards the police woman.
Brandi: Knew it was a wig Barbie.
The police woman lifts the radio to her lips, calling for back up. Brandi turns back to the cameraman.
Brandi: Now this is the fun part, this is where lots of hunky police men all show up here and dive on me, throw me face first and cuff me. Every woman's dream.
Brandi turns her head towards the police woman.
Brandi: Might wanna tell them that ya in danger and need muscle men cops sweetheart, might as well make it worth my while.
Brandi switches her view back to the cameraman.
Brandi: Might wanna make that call now.
**********
Brandi sits behind the bars of the local police station cells. She lays on the bed, looking through the bars as people walk past. A policeman leads down a woman, short skirt, high heels, and a lot of make up on. Brandi sits up and slowly shakes her head as she looks at her walk past.
Brandi: They didn't nick that bitch for embezzlement.
Brandi calls out to a nearby police officer, a well built man.
Brandi: Hey Butch, any chance of a beer in here? My buzz is wearing off.
The man looks up and shakes his head.
Brandi: Well how about you take that shirt off and wave it above your head, give me a buzz in a different body part?
The policeman ignores Brandi, Brandi lays back down on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. A tap on the cell is heard.
Brandi: Oh, muscle cop has come back.
Brandi sits up to see an unhappy looking Christian Underwood staring at her. Brandi shrugs her shoulders.
Brandi: Meh, close enough.
Brandi sits up and looks at Christian.
Christian: Want to explain why I'm having to bail one of my wrestlers out of jail?
Brandi: Because Mark and Erik are too busy drilling spy holes in to the ladies locker room, so you was the only one free to come down here and rescue me?
Christian scratches his head.
Christian: Well I did see those two with power drills earlier....
Christian trails off, before looking at Brandi seriously.
Brandi: Last time I saw a look like that, I was about to get spanked and not in a good way. Here's how it happened. I saw police uniforms, then got the urge to be underneath a few of them, with big muscle men in the uniform, just for the hell of it, so I kneed a cop in the balls, turned him in to a farmer.
Christian: A farmer?
Brandi: Yeah, gave him a couple of acres. Anyway, it did the trick and it was so worth it.
Christian: I'm disappointed.
Brandi: That you didn't think of it first?
Christian: A little bit.
Brandi: Next time, we'll do it together and someone else can bail us out.
Christian: Like Bo.... where is Bo?
Brandi stands up, moving towards the bars.
Brandi: Teaching. It's what humping bull does when he's not wrasslin'. Now, any chance y'all can get me outta here and get me in the drunk tank? I tried to get in there earlier, but wasn't drunk enough. Told them to get me a six pack and gimme half an hour and I will be but they looked at me like I was crazy. Folk in Cali wouldn't know a joke if it came and bit them right on their asses!
Christian: They don't share your southern wit.
Brandi: Nope, but sure as shit seem like a lot of them only share three brain cells and two of those ain't working right.
Christian: This is the only time I'm bailing you out.
Brandi: Don't worry your sweet little man lovin' ass about it, next week, Cookie might be around, she'll keep me out of trouble.... or join in, depending on how hammered we get.
Christian signals the nearest officer, the "muscle cop" and points to the cage door.
Brandi: Ah, he's no fun, I tried to get him to get his pecs out and he ignored me.
The cop walks over, unlocking the cage door and sliding it open before winking at Christian. Brandi shakes her head.
Brandi: Well that just explains everything. You got a wink and you don't even have a pair o' T-Bombs.
Christian smiles at Brandi.
Brandi: He prefers a D-Bomb and I don't have one of them!
The cop gives Brandi a funny looks, but Christian puts his hand on Brandi's shoulder.
Christian: Can we get out of here before you get arrested again?
Brandi: With them thoughts going through your head about muscle man there, I ain't gonna be the one getting arrested.
Christian turns away, leading Brandi out.
Brandi: I know you turned away to show him your ass.
Christian: Shush!
The scene fades as Christian smiles.
**********
Outside the mobile home, albeit, in a different location than earlier, night time falls. The moon shines down on Brandi as she sits in the doorway, looking out on the area she's parked in. A hip flask sits next to her, while she holds a beer can in her hand - yes, the same brand as you may or may not have earlier. Brandi looks in to the camera.
Brandi: Now I was gonna do this in the day time, but I had a little problem with the law, so now we had to put a light on that ol' camera and you get to talk to me in the dark. Now y'all got to see the fun side of me, but here's to the bitches who don't remember me. I'm like a coin, I got two sides, I got the fun lovin' Brandi, that could drink y'all ass under the table, and I got that side of me, that likes smacking holes through people. It's all good fun being the party girl, but I love to smash some uptight bitch in the chops, to bring her down to reality. Now I still keep my eye on SCW and I see all these new faces I haven't had the pleasure of smacking, and I hear about this Blast From The Past II Tournament and you know what I think?
Brandi takes a sip of beer.
Brandi: I think YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH! Fucking eh!
Brandi cracks the can between her fingers.
Brandi: Felt like forever for those teams to come out but I get a straight up Englishman, who sounds fuck all like Hugh Grant, I can live with that just about, then I see the other teams, shake my head and think I got a chance in this thing. So I check out the little preview and see I'm against some wise guy rapper and some bitch who's less active than I am and I haven't been in an SCW ring in a long ass time, standing in my way.
Brandi waits for a few seconds before continuing.
Brandi: Now I know Simon's gonna smack the shit out of Ringo, but I just have one thing to say to Ringo. You look like you're thirty five for fucks sake, and rapping? Grow the fuck up numb nuts, you're not even any good at it and rapping is a young man's game. Time for you to turn in the bling, go buy yourself a folk guitar and act ya fucking age. I'm actually embarrassed for ya, hate to think what ya family must feel like.
Brandi puts the beer down and picks up the flash, unscrewing the top and taking a gulp. She puts the cap back on and puts the flask back on the floor next to her.
Brandi: Needed something stronger to wash the image of an old looking man trying to make words rhyme. Just yikes!
Brandi shudders.
Brandi: So yeah, that embarrassment out of the way, let's focus on that chick they call Lizzie Short. Now I didn't know this until I was informed by someone, that Lizzie is a bitch that swings both ways, that will fuck anything that wants to throw her a sympathy lay. I bet you left a big nasty patch where ever you was sitting when you found out your skinny ass was gonna be in the same ring as me and the girls
Brandi grabs her chest.
Brandi: I bet you sat there, got a little tingle down south, knowing me and the girls was gonna be up close to you on Sunday, but sorry, your skinny ass does less for me than a woman does for Christian. If your hands even come close to touching my babies, I hope you've got a good dentist, cause I'll be knocking a hole so big in those teeth of yours, you'll be able to park a bus in there. There must be a reason your lil' ass never gets on a show unless ya sucking up to Kennedy. I think the reason is pretty simple, other than the fact y'all face looks like it's been smacked flat with a frying pan repeatedly, but my guess sweetheart, is you're just not that good. My guess is you have nothing to offer that's different from so many other characters, people just don't wanna see you. It's pretty desperate that you have to be involved in another couples relationship, cause you're a little bit too rough around the edges to get one of your own.
Brandi picks up her beer can.
Brandi: I know, almost like the pot calling the kettle black. I know I ain't winning first prize in no beauty contest, but at least my face don't have a tiny lil' ass sitting on the front of it. Just means when I get in the ring with you on Sunday, I get to beat two asses.
Brandi takes a gulp of her beer, crushing the can between her fingers and throws it on to the floor.
Brandi: Gonna probably get arrested again for that, so Christian, if ya watching, same time tomorrow.
Brandi picks up her flask, her fingers on top of the cap.
Brandi: The truth is little Miss Short, your last name shows you how long your SCW career is gonna be after I'm done with ya, because y'all see that wrestling is just not for you. Y'all see that you'll be better off flipping burgers, or serving me beer, because wrasslin' ain't gonna be for you after Sunday. You'll be looking for a new career by the time I'm done whooping ya ass all around that gym. Y'all see that the game ends for you real soon. Sorry bitch, you're just the first who gets her ass kicked by the returning me.
Brandi flips the top off the flask.
Brandi: See you Sunday, feel free to have nightmares between now and then, cause you're gonna hurt like hell come Monday.
Brandi drinks from the flash as the scene fades out.
