The camera fades in to Ben Jordan standing in front of a mirror in a bathroom, standing in just the now famous Wile E Coyote boxer shorts last seen on new years eve. Ben looks in the mirror, smiling at himself as he splashes water on his chiselled jawline.
Ben: Looking decent this morning Benny boy, knicker dropping good my old son.
Ben grabs a nearby towel, padding the water droplets down from his cheek.
Ben: Really gotta focus on this J Cup stuff. Been proper distracted lately with that Crippler geezer, the over the top flirting Misty's been throwing my way, yeah, she so wants big Ben, and well, watching the shocks and turns of the ACW and SCW shows, plus getting Mickey out of the shit more times than I can count, but nows the time to focus on the J Cup.
Ben flips the towel around his neck, drying off the side of his head.
Ben: Most focus against Wizard, PRA's Wizard. This is actually pretty cushty, to be facing a dude who thinks his a Wizard.... I say that, I think of a Christmas song.
Ben clears his throat and sings.
Ben: Oh I wish it could be Christmas, everydaaaaaaaaaaay. When the kids start singing and the the band begin to plaaaaaaaaaaaa-ay, oh oooooh oh, I wish it could be Christmas, every daaaaaay, let the bells, ring out, for Christmas.
THUMP THUMP THUMP.
The sound of fist to wooden bathroom door is heard, echoing around the bathroom. Mickey Carroll's voice is heard on the other side of the door.
Mickey: What the fuck are you singing Christmas songs for ya fuckin' muppet? It's not Christmas.
Ben turns around
Ben: Focusing on Wizard mate.
Mickey: Idiot, you're meant to be focusing on the PRA wrestler called Wizard, not the seventies British Glam Rock band Wizzard!
Ben turns around, opening the bathroom door to see an angry looking Mickey leaning on the door frame.
Mickey: Thought some poor bastard was strangling a cat in there for a while.
Ben shakes his head and walks past Mickey, throwing the towel around his neck towards the floor.
Ben: I'm covering bases son. See, this Wizard dude looks like he's onnly shown up a handful of times in PRA, not many promos floating around of his, so I figure we better cover all bases here. He could be any kind of wizard. He could bee copying anyone, including the seventies British Glam Rock band.
Mickey: Are you gonna be singing Wizzard shite all day?
Ben shakes his head
Ben: Oh no Mickey my old son, we're going on a wonderful journey today.
Mickey: Bollocks.
Ben: What?
Mickey: When you say something like this, you're leading up to one of those fantasy style promos, aren't ya?
Ben looks at the camera and nods, before turning back to Mickey.
Ben: Would I do that?
Mickey: Yes ya fuckin' would!
Ben shrugs.
Mickey: Before you do, could you put some clothes on at least. No one wants to see you walking around dressed like that.
Ben smiles and clicks his fingers and the scene completely changes.
A dark castle is seen in the dead of night. Mickey Carroll is seen standing in front of it, looking around curiously at his new surroundings.
Mickey: I knew that plonker was gonna do something like this!
Ben's voice is heard in the background, although Ben can't be seen.
Ben: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU CONTROL THIS THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING?!?!
From out of the sky Ben appears holding what seems like a broomstick in his hand, landing with a thud on the ground!
Ben: Think I broke my arse.
Mickey puts his hand down, pulling Ben to his feet, the camera behind Ben. Mickey stops and looks at his friend.
Mickey: You look fuckin' stupid.
The camera spins around to show Ben wearing a black cloak with purple trim, a white shirt and stripped tie. On Ben's face, very round glasses.
Ben: Wanna see my wand?
Mickey: No ya perverted bastard.
Ben: Not that wand!
Ben reaches in to his pocket and pulls out a thin black wand with white tip.
Mickey: Just no.
Ben looks disappointed
Mickey: Can we go do something different. Potter's for kids!
Ben: But...
Mickey: No buts ya tosser, new scene please, and grow the fuck up!
Ben pouts
Ben: At least ya said please.
Ben clicks his fingers and the scene changes once more.
A tornado is seen in the distance, crashing away as Ben and Mickey are seen on a road, both dressed in normal clothes.
Ben: Well this isn't very wizard like.
Mickey: Doesn't look like home.
Ben: There's no place like home.
Ben looks at the camera and winks
Ben: That's your first clue of where we are.
Mickey looks down at the road.
Mickey: Yellow bricks? Why thought those were a good idea.
Ben looks back at the camera
Ben: Clue two
A noisy chattering is heard and Ben and Mickey look at each other. From out of nowhere, lots of little people appear out of nowhere, surrounding Ben and Mickey. Mickey looks to Ben with a smirk.
Mickey: Not following the story right, eh Benny boy?
Ben shakes his head.
Ben: Nope. Just having a giggle son.
Mickey: So if this is your rules, your little fantasy, I can do whatever I want?
Ben nods.
Ben: Sure, give it a whirl.
Mickey looks down at one of the munchins and picks one up, spinning it around, so it's back is towards Mickey. Mickey drops it, and kicks it square in the seat of the pants, sending it flying an unrealistic distance across the trees.
Mickey: Finally, a parody where I can have some fun.
Mickey looks down at the rest of the munchkins, looking in shock.
Mickey: Now piss off before I do the same to you lot.
The munchkins scatter in all different directions and Mickey looks towards Ben with a proud look on his face.
Mickey: David Beckham couldn't have kicked that munchkin better.
Ben nods in agreement and the two look up the road, to show a castle.
Ben: Well that wasn't there five minutes ago.
Mickey: We should head up there, maybe it's a boozer shaped like a castle.
Ben: Good plan my old son.
Ben and Mickey start to walk up the road.
Mickey: Not doing the skipping thing
Ben: Me neither son, me neither.
The two move on a bit further down the road.
Ben: Oh, we're off to see the wizard....
Mickey: No, just no.
Ben: No fun today Mickey. Can I sing Somewhere Over The Rainbow?
Mickey: I've heard you sing, so no.
The two walk on a but a moan from a field is heard. Ben and Mickey stop and look at the field to see a scarecrow.
Mickey: Fuck him!
Ben nods and smiles at Mickey but a screech is heard in the air. Ben and Mickey look up to see three creatures flying towards them.
Mickey: We're at the flying monkey part, eh?
Ben: Yep geez, we are, but I got a plan, follow my lead.
As the monkeys fly closer, Ben throws a huge right hand, knocking one of the monkeys flying out of control.
Mickey: Love the way you think.
As the second comes closer, Mickey nails it with an almighty punch, sending it flying away in the distance. The third stops sharp and turns, flying away before it gets withing punching range.
Ben: Yeah, you better run.... well fly!
Mickey shrugs and the two walk on down the road. Another moan is heard, from the side of the road.
Mickey: Tin man?
Ben looks past Mickey.
Ben: Yep
Mickey: Fuck him too
Ben nods in agreement but a cowardly roar is heard just down the road.
Ben: Not even gonna go there.
Mickey: Damn pansy lion.
Mickey turns towards where a lion is hiding behind a bush.
Mickey: Yeah, talking to you, what ya gonna do about it?
The lion turns and backs away.
Ben: That's what I thought.
The two continue to walk down the road.
Ben: The amount of time this is taking, would think people are trying to stop us from getting to that bloody castle.
Ben and Mickey get closer to the castle but a puff of smoke appears before them. A pale looking woman, about five foot six, long dark hair and emotionless look on her pasty white face.
Mickey: She looks like that bird from SCW
Ben: I thought the same.
Mickey: What a witch!
Witch: Silence you two idiots and listen to your Queen.
Ben looks at Mickey
Ben: Sounds like her too.
Witch: I said silence!
Ben whispers to Mickey.
Ben: Is it odd that being told what to do is a bit of a turn on?
Mickey: Nah mate, people pay good money for that.
Witch: I am the wicked witch of the west and I must stop you from going in to the castle.
Ben: Why sweets?
Witch: Ugh, you annoying Cockney!
Ben whispers to Mickey again.
Ben: Is it weird I'm now more turned on?
Mickey: Just keep it in ya pants sunshine, no one wants to see your todger.
Ben: She does.
Witch: I do not!
Ben looks at the witch.
Ben: Your mouth says no, but your eyes say bend me over and spank me baby!
Witch: Fucking idiot.
Ben: Wooooooow, witch got a dirty mouth, I like it.
Mickey growls.
Mickey: Listen lady, can you just do your part so we can get out of this poxy fantasy world and get back home.
Ben: Yeah, no place like home and all that bollocks.
Mickey gives Ben a stern look.
Mickey: You're not helping mate.
Ben: Not trying to geez.
Mickey smirks at Ben, but Mickey just points to the witch.
Mickey: Just shut up and let her get on with it.
Ben rolls his eyes and both men turn to the witch.
Witch: I have come here to stop you by any means possible, you will not go in to that castle.
Mickey: Let me get this straight lady, you're willing to stop us going in the castle by maybe killing us.
Witch: If I have to
Mickey: In that case, lemme just have one more beer.
Mickey reaches in to his pocket and pulls out two cans of beer, handing one to Ben.
Ben: Where'd ya get these from?
Mickey: I don't know, this is your fantasy.
Ben and Mickey slam the cans together and pull back the rings on the can. Beer flies in to the air, catching the witch on the face, causing a sizzle sound.
Witch: I'M MELTING!!!
Ben: I don't wanna waste a good beer but....
Ben takes a mouthful of the beer in the can and poors the the rest over the witch, forcing her to melt.
Ben: Little help here?
Mickey looks down at his beer.
Mickey: Fuck off! I'm not wasting good booze on her.
Ben points at her firmly, causing Mickey to roll his eyes.
Mickey: Fucks sake. You owe me Benny boy.
Mickey pours the rest of the can of beer over the witches head, causing her to melt in to the ground. The duo look down at the melted witch.
Ben: This creates more questions than answers.
Mickey: Meaning?
Ben: If liquid melts her, she couldn't go out in the rain.
Mickey: Couldn't shower either, but she did stink a bit anyway.
Ben: Couldn't work up a sweat.
Mickey: Should be glad she wasn't a porn star than.
Ben laughs and Mickey smiles widely.
Ben: Only the perverted will get that one.
Ben steps over the melted witch and he and Mickey continue to walk down the yellow brick road. Stopping outside the castle. Mickey leans in to push the huge wooden door in front of him. The door swings open.
Mickey: I'm a strong bastard in this fantasy bollocks.
The two walk in to where a huge hologram head is floating in the air. Mickey and Ben stare at it, as it's voice booms out.
Head: WHAT BRINGS YOU TWO BEFORE ME!?! YOU SHOULD NOT DISTURB THE WIZARD!
Mickey whispers to Ben.
Mickey: Now look what you've done, gone and pissed off a floating head.
Head: But as I sense you have come a long way, I will answer one question.
Ben turns to Mickey.
Ben: Right son, we can ask him anything we want here and get the answers we want. We should think about this.
Mickey smirks
Mickey: Don't worry Benny boy, I got this.
Mickey clears his voice.
Mickey: Oh great wizard, myself and me mate here would like to know... where is the nearest boozer?
Head: At the bottom of the yellow brick road.
Mickey: Ah bollocks, we just came from there.
Head: That will be all.
Ben: Mickey, you fucking turd! I coulda asked for the key to win the J Cup!
Mickey: Yeah, well you made me waste that beer on the half melted witch!
Ben turns back to the floating head.
Ben: I got one more question for you.
Head: Do you have a problem counting?
Ben: Nope, one tequilla, two tequilla, three tequilla, floor.
Head: I gave you one question, your friend asked. Now I am tired, I must rest.
The head disappears from sight, Ben shakes his head at Mickey.
Ben: Could have asked the head thing anything, and you asked where the nearest pub is?
A sneeze from behind a little red curtain is heard. Ben walks curiously over. Mickey looks at the camera.
Mickey: You know the story. This is where ya all find out who's been yanking our plank playing wizard.
Ben pulls back the curtain to see SCW personality, and Despayre's stuffed (yes stuffed) teddy bear, Angel, behind the curtain with a wizard hat on his head. Mickey shakes his head.
Mickey: Whoa, whoa, whoa! We can all this way to find a teddy bear? That's it, I'm out of here. I'm going down the pub. You can do the rest of this fantasy bollocks on ya own.
Mickey turns and walks away.
Ben: Mickey!
Mickey's voice is heard off screen.
Mickey: Nope, you do the rest of this shite on your own. I'll be in the boozer, be a beer on the bar waiting for ya when ya done that focus part you always do.
Ben looks down the camera.
Ben: I could do with a pint.
Ben looks back to Angel.
Ben: See ya later mate.
Ben clicks his fingers and the scene changes once more
A snow covered mountain is seen, the sound of Carl Orff's O Fortuna plays in the background. Lightning cracks in the background as a man in a flowing white garments, down to the floor. Silver lines covers part of the white cloak. On the man's head, flowing white hair can be seen under a white hood. A long white beard is seen on the man's face, flowing down to his chest. In his hand, he holds a gold stick. The camera moves closer to see the eyes, instantly recognised as Ben. Ben puts his free hand out and the music quiets down. Ben's voice booms out in a regal sounding voice.
Ben: I AM THE WIZARD BENDORA! And this bloody beard is itchy. I am here to tell you about my wizard power. I do not have thunderbolts that fire out of my eyes. I do not have magic spells, I don't have a little magic wand. I do have this blinding gold stick thingy, but no wand. My power is seeing the future and I have seen the future, I have seen the light, I have seen exactly what happens. My powers of seeing the future, are phenominal. I have seen the future of the J Cup, I have seen this young man, who goes by the name of Ben Jordan, with his hand raised in the air, with his arms raised in victory, with the J cup being handed to him and a sht at NWA gold. I have foreseen the lot. Mr Jordan will be victorious, regardless of the apparent bigger names in this competition. I have seen this man's rise to power, rise to victory, rise through the ranks as clear as day. I have watched his first round match and this gentlemen, this Wizard geezer.... I mean Wizard gentlemen is nothing in this competition, a man who would just be here to make up the numbers in this tournament. His work has been very few and far between, which takes away from his justification of even being entered. Surely someone with a better standard has been denied a spot in this prestigious competition. He has somehow worked his unworthy self in to this show down. People like Mr Jordan are very much out in front of the rankings for this competion.
Ben slams the gold stick to the mountain, causing a crack beneath it.
Ben: It's clear for many to see the difference in class between Mr Jordan and Mr Wizard. We're talking Grand Canyon in gulf between them. I have seen this, I have viewed this with my own two eyes, I have nothing but belief in my abilities to see these things. I would spoil how easy this is for Mr Jordan, but indeed it was a nice warm up for bigger challenges, it was a big warm up for a certain challenge that lies ahead for him, but to say Wizard did not stand a chance, is to make the understatement of the century.
Ben scratches beneath the white beard.
Ben: Seriously, what the bloody hell is this face fuzz made out of?
Ben scratches furiously.
Ben: Screw it.
Ben pulls the hood back and grabs the beard, pulling it from his face, taking the white wig off too. Ben drops it to the side of his.
Ben: Sod this wizard bollocks, let the Cockney King return here. Let's get staight down to business here. Alright Wizard son? You make it bloody rough to talk about you being as you're so quiet. i mean are you actually a wrestler or I just wasted my poxy time talking about you today? I've looked for your promo stuff, just one to be found, it's pretty poor form from someone enter something as decent as this, when really son, you really don't belong here, do you? You're just not wanted here because you don't belong here, haven't earned the spot. Let me let you in on something here.
Ben looks at the gold stick.
Ben: Oh shiny!
Ben shakes his head.
Ben: Focus Ben.
The young Cockney clears his throat
Ben: Yeah, anyway. Gonna let you on something here. I didn't actually ask to be in this tournament Wizard. I'm pretty much the top ACW star, regardless of being ranked number two in ACW, considering I'm second behind the top champ, who just appeared and won the top belt. I've been here constantly winning and held the Maritime Junior Heavyweight championship for a long time. I didn't need to put my name down, people came to me, asked me to represent the home team. They needed serious talent to represent ACW, we're the home team, it was obvious I was gonna get the call. Me, Magni and for some unknown reason, Canadian Crippler, are the home team. Me and Magni, we got a friendly history, me and Crippler, well I whooped his arse last week, kept my gold, but there's a little sense of pride. See, this is an ACW tournament really and we have to sit and show you the talent we have in ACW and I am one of the biggest stars in the alliance, I am helping ACW look better and I will make this clear, ACW WILL come out of this tournament in front.
Ben winks
Ben: I know I got the backing of ACW in this thing. I know we don't all get on and I know emotions run high and all that shit, but I know when they're sitting looking at me in this tournament, I'm the one they're urging on. Someone called me one of the faves to take this tournament and they wasn't joking. I'm not in it to make up numbers, I ain't here to sit around and just get known. I'm here to win.... and maybe let Misty get on top of me for a two count.... but mostly to win and win I will. Wizard my old son, you're just the first of many.
Ben pulls the cloak off from himself, pulling out one arm and switching the gold stick to his left hand and drops the robe, to show himself wearing a silver suit, and white shirt.
Ben: Right, now I'm off for a pint with the ginger one, Wizard, I'll see you soon geezer.
Ben puts the stick over his shoulder and strolls away as the scene fades out
