[We usually get to see elegant set-ups for promos- all sorts of buildup about where the man is speaking from, or what everything looks like. Who the interviewer is, all that.
This one, not so much. The light is too overexposed, there's some sort of whitewashed concrete-block wall... we might be in an alley. It's nowhere fancy, for sure. It's more like a paparazzi video than anything else.
What we are seeing is "Big" Steve Scanlon. Or, more accurately, we're seeing his hand, and through the gaps of his fingers, we see everything else.
The cameraman yanks back... and we can see Steve more fully. He looks off-camera... the mic doesn't pick up whoever's asking these questions.]
"What happened? What happened? Phase one's completed, now it's on to Phase Two. That's what."
"NO, I'm not gonna tell you 'what Phase Two' is. Just be glad I told you there IS a Phase Two for The Aristocrats, so you and whoever you're showing this to know to tune in!"
(Pause)
"It's none of your business where Hangman is. I can tell you what he's NOT doing. He's not out messing with Peterson an' Williams' brake lines. Nooo, sirr. That'd be illegal."
(Pause)
"They had Champion's Advantage. Takes a real moron to lose when you've got Champion's Advantage on your side. Everything tilted their way, okay? W-? No!I'm not talking about it, any more!"
(Pause)
"I don't 'owe' Hawkins anything. I didn't lose that match for us. It just sort of... happened."
(Pause)
"No comment."
(Pause)
"NO COMMENT."
(Pause. We can sort of hear someone asking if the "interview" is over.)
"YE- actually, no, wait."
"You know what... I'm gonna tell you a little story.
We used to have an NWA champion- back around '96, '97- his name was Randy Savage. They called him 'the Macho Man'...."
(pause)
"...shut up, it does NOT sound like a porn-star name! Philistine. Only guy that measures up to him, these days? Yours truly. The guy was the MAN. And one of the things that made him The Man was that he had this woman with him. Her name was Elizabeth. Miss Elizabeth."
[Steve gets a faraway look in his eyes, for a sec.]
"You shoulda seen her, you know? She was like the prom date that most of you shmos watching this on TwoYube or whatever, never had."
"She was, you know, his valet. Did everything for him- trailed around all over the place, doing the little bits of business outside the ring, coming out to cheer the Champ on, and then, stepping back when it was time to get to workin' or talkin'. Good stuff. GOOD stuff."
(Pause)
"Well, I bring this up, 'cause I always thought of them as the Perfect Wrestling Couple. 'Til recently of course, at the C-Cup in London."
(pause)
"C-Cup, J-Cup, whatever. Cruiserweight tournament, right? Bunch of light guys flippin' around? Honest mistake."
"Anyway, my point- and I'll get to it if you stop interrupting- was that one was the soft sensitive side, one was the Business side... it worked. To me, and a lot of people- they were the Perfect Wrestling Couple."
"Now? I dunno. We've got Misty coming out of this Cup, with the Cruiserweight title."
"And you know- well, my first thought is 'crap, now I can't challenge for it', since I'm- you know, a MAN, and we can't go wrestling women around here..."
[The camera quick-passes over Scanlon. Seeing what we're seeing- let's be honest here- Steve probably hasn't seen Cruiserweight in years. Possibly sometime in High School.]
"Second thought is either "She's the only one of her crew to bring home the gold" or "Ann Mau's gonna make coldcuts out of her". But that wasn't the big thing!"
"The big thing? I'm thinking 'we have our own modern-day Macho and Liz'. It's true. Really! A new Perfect Wrestling Couple. Right here, in SCW! A modern-day Macho and Liz.'... Misty and Staggs.
[he pauses a beat. Then, rubbing his chin, he continues thoughtfully...]
"...of course, I'm thinking Staggs is "Liz" in this case."
"You know, trailing the Champ around, cheering her on, backing off when it's time for the "Man" to talk- that sort of thing."
"And, I wouldn't blame him if he did! Misty's more of a champ than he'd ever be. Nah, if he wants to just valet the Champ around, more power to him. Down with Gender Roles and all that!"
[He raises a fist for a moment, in a mock 'fight the power!' gesture.]
"Even if he wants to be a househusband- Good for him, I say!"
"Aside from that? I've got nothing. Phase Two, though! Watch out for "Phase Two!""
"Now, scram."
[Camera cuts off, as he walks off.]
