[We reach Steve Scanlon, in mid-preparation for his and Hangman Hawkins’ title bout. He’s actually… working out. This is a sight heretofore unseen by human eyes… he’s no kind of gym rat. He must be REALLY taking this one seriously.]
[Sweat is cascading down his brow- right into a headband reading “Steamrolla!” (Including the “a!”. It’s a one-of-a-kind, never-produced merchandise item. Apparently, nobody wanted Steve Scanlon workout gear. Who knew, right?]
[Steve sees the camera, and starts talking to us.]
Scanlon: This is it. This is where we sort the ones who win, from the excuses and spin. The real deal. The big one.
Me and Hangman? We’ve come a hell of a long way to get here. We’ve left a bunch of wreckage in our wake. We didn’t do all that just to come in second.
No- this Is where years of honing our craft comes to a point… and we use it to slice those belts clean off the waist of Peterson and Williams.
[He stops what he’s doing, and gives us a ‘I’m gonna level with you’ look.]
Scanlon: I’ve been wracking my head trying to think of one thing those two schmendricks have over me and the Hangman… and can’t think of one. Thing.
Either one of them got more on the ball than me? No.
Either of them got the killer instinct of the one-and-only Hangman Hawkins? Nope.
Either one of them got the experience of either of US? “No”, and “no”. Put them together? STILL “no”.
Do they even have a team name? No. The Aristocrats win, again!
[He makes that weird ‘snap cha-cha’ gesture that they do in the ring.]
Scanlon: I can't think of a single thing they have over us...
And even they can't seem to come up with a reason why, come to think of it! The way I hear it, it's all "it'll be a challenge", and "I can't wait to show what I can do". and all that happy horsecrap.
The only thing they have, that we don't, are those titles.
And that, friends and foes, is easily fixed.
Count of three, watch it be.
Courtesy of the Aristocrats-
Shootin' for the moon,
and hittin' like Apollo,
Easy to come after, but a HARD act to follow!
[And with that, he goes back to work. Seriously, it's like watching Bizarro Steve in action...]
