[The camera comes up from the dark, hard.
It's night, as the scene opens on the day-bright, video-screened, vault-arched roof of the Fremont Experience in Vegas, then pans down between Binions’ shining blue lights and a blast of light from the Golden Nugget.
It’s not the high-end part of the Strip- in fact it’s at least as cheesy as it is glitzy (there’s a gigantic RV center not a mile from here), but the place is almost wall-to-wall lit-up signs, video displays, bright-open casinos and tourists packing the whole area.
Right now, we’re panning across a scene that looks, dollars-for-donuts, like where that Balrog guy fights in that one video game… and into the frame wanders “Big” Steve Scanlon, looking very pleased with everything he’s seeing- and himself. He's holding a coffee, as usual.
People who’ve seen Steve before won’t be too surprised, but people unfamiliar with him are introduced to new, undiscovered depths to the word “unkempt”. He looks like a cross between Wolfman Jack, Lou Albano, Silent Bob, and a miniature Bluto, wearing 'get-a-new-pair-already' jeans, a plaid flannel shirt and a too-tight t-shirt with (for some reason), a ‘crossing sign’ style picture of a bull walking downhill on it. And wherever ‘big’ came from, it’s not height… he’s pretty short for a wrestler…
Steve ‘notices’ the camera, turns to it and lets fly a high-energy intro- like a cross between a carnival barker and a wacky morning radio DJ.]
Scanlon: Hey! S’up, Sin City! Clean out your ears and listen up- you might learn something, ‘cause you’re rollin’ with Steamroller, hangin’ with the Hangman…
[Scanlon jerks a thumb at Chett “Hangman” Hawkins, a man-mountain looming alongside Scanlon in his street clothes, and honestly the reason the crowd is parting to let them through- he’s easily head and shoulders over even the tall ones.]
[Hawkins silently favors the viewers with the slightest of nods. Both men keep walking and the camera along to handle it. Scanlon keeps going…]
Scanlon: …and LAST week, Lost Wages had the honor, pleasure and privilege of witnessing the World Debut of the undefeated tag team of me- the Providence Steamroller! The Streetfightin’, Headlinin’, Specimen of MANHOOD! “Big” Steeeeve Scanlon... and my partner, the Incarnation of Decimation, Master of the South Texas Deathride- “Hangman” Hawkins-
Separately, we rule. Together, we’re… the Aristocrats!
[Snap-hands “Cha-cha” gesture from Steve. Not from Hangman- he looks at Scanlon with a ‘yeah, I’m not doing that outside the ring’ expression. Steve barely noticed.]
Scanlon: Now we’ve got people talkin’- saying we’re gonna rock the house in the Tag Team Division. Oh no. Not true! We aren’t rocking the house in the Tag Team division… as of now, we ARE The House in the tag team division!
Hangman (deadpan): And in Vegas, in the end, the House always wins.
Scanlon (grinning): Damn straight, big guy! If we came here solo, these SCW boys might have had a chance in Hell. But we’re not. We’re a team, and so…
…I just don’t like their odds.
[Hangman nods in agreement. Scanlon turns to the camera and explains. They’re still walking.]
Scanlon: See, we’re not some scrubs teaming up ‘cause they can’t hack it solo. Oh, no- we’re an awesome twosome, badasses in stereo- we’ve been around the world, takin’ em all on and smacking ‘em ‘til the candy comes out, winning titles and stealing shows… and that was before we teamed up!
With us together, you’re looking at a combined… what, twenty? Thirty? No, near-on forty years of experience!
[Steve stops, in front of Mermaids Casino- an ungodly-loud “tiki bar on steroids”- and works out the math.]
Scanlon: Let’s see…I’ve been up and down the road since I was eighteen, making men cry, the women sigh, and driving lame-ass schmos clean out of the business, and Hangman here’s not just tougher than a boiled owl… HIS career started when he was… what was it?
[The camera sweeps across to Hawkins. The neon ceiling’s given way to bare steel. In the background a smiling light-up cowboy outside the Pioneer Club points a thumb at himself in a ‘check me out!’ way… a weird counterpoint to the real, cold, lethal Texan we see in front of us.]
Hangman (matter-of-factly): I was ten years old, when father put me in my first pay-fight. He said “fight”. I fought. I won. Haven’t stopped doing either, since.
Scanlon (back at the camera, as they keep walking): That’s a LOT of fights! And now, here we- teamed-up, hammer-down, rolling into in the Entertainment Capital of the World with a song in our hearts, a plan in mind, and the world in our hands.
Now, people have been coming up to us and asking-
[Steve cringes and adopts a timid, starstruck tone:] “H-hey, Big Steve? Hangman? What are you doing here?”
Scanlon (normally): And there’s really only one answer-
Hawkins: ‘Whatever we damn-well please. ‘
[Scanlon swings an arm wide like a game show host announcing a prize.]
Scanlon: “Ten points for the murder machine to my left!”
…but seriously, if you’re SCW talent, you’re wondering the same thing…. ‘What’s our plan’? ‘What are we here to do’?
Bit of advice… don’t worry about how the chessmaster's playin’, when you’re about to get rolled. Facts are facts, and the fact is we’ve just landed in your back yard, lookin’ for some REAL competition.
Hangman (to camera): Got any?
Scanlon (to Hawkins): I honestly don’t know that they do, Hawkman. And that brings us to this week’s marks, Sinful Depression-
Hangman (correcting): It’s “Sinful Obsession”, Steve.
Scanlon: You sure? They got that “Despair” guy, and when you put on their tapes to study, it sure made me want jump off something tall…
Hangman: No. It’s ‘Obsession’, I’m sure. Despayre and Gabriel. Two boys playing at being sinners, thinking that makes Sin City their city… two dudes in for a rude awakening.
Scanlon (aside to camera): And when the Hangman calls you ‘dude’… it ain’t good.
[to Hawkins]: Come to think of it, I think I know this Gabriel guy…
[He holds his hand about 5’10” off the ground…] …maybe six-foot-even in his heels…
[…then makes ‘oooh, magic!’ hands.]…has a Criss-Angel ‘man of mystery’ thing going on?
Hangman: That’s the one. Despayre’s his wacky sidekick. They used to be Deadly Sins.
Scanlon: Thanks, Hangtime, I remember now... I HATE those guys! Know why?
Hangman: The suspense kills me.
Scanlon: They’re working our side of the street!
[The Aristocrats frame the shot now- they’re almost at the head of the street with the whole garish thing behind them. A flashing sign says “CASINO” behind Hawkins, as if we forgot we where we were and thought it was a monastery. Scanlon stops and taps the camera lens, as if to get SO’s attention.]
Scanlon: HEY! You guys out there!
Thinking you’ve got this covered? Got this town wired? Creeping everyone out with your headgames and goth crap and spooky nickames? Getting people thinking you’re this big smoky something, when you’re just nothing, painted blue? That’s a really great racket you've got- good scam!
We’re shutting it down.
What have we got? Over here we got Despayre, trying to work his issues out in the ring like it’s Doctor Phil time, and over there we've got Gabriel doing his Sigfried and Roy shtick and making me wish he’d do a one-way Vanishing Act. And he thinks he does mindf**ks.
[To SO]: You think you know headgames, buddy? You ain’t seen nothin’ yet! I'm tellin' ya right now- and it won't help ya- I’ll flip your mind like a damn cheese omelet- then Hangman’ll scramble your brains!
[To Hawkins.]: And it’s not just the crap clothes or even the emo act that bugs me- you know WHY they’re going down like steers in a slaughterhouse?
Hangman (dryly): Because they’re outsized, out-experienced, outgunned and outclassed?
Scanlon: No.
Hangman: Because I like high-flyers, for the way they bounce high when I slam them off the canvas?
Scanlon: No.
Hangman: Because magic tricks are for painted-up birthday clowns?
Scanlon: No.
Hangman (done playing): …Go on, tell me.
Scanlon: MARKET INEFFICIENCY!
Hangman (‘wtf’?): Market inefficiency.
Scanlon: Damn straight- see, I’ve shut down promotions clean across this Alliance, and they all had one thing in common. They had surplus guys- just hanging around! And what do I see here? Two guys who used to run with FIVE guys being the Deadly Sins!
[To the camera, pointing between himself and Hawkins]: Look here- we do it in TWO!
Hangman: I call dibs on “Wrath”.
Scanlon: I got Ambition.
Hangman: I have my Pride.
Scanlon: I’ve got The Gimmes, I admit…
Hangman (done playing): Hell, you cover all seven, all on your lonesome…
Scanlon (not arguing): See, that’s what I’m talking about! Five guys doing the job of two! Two guys doing the job of one! Waste of space, waste of flesh, waste of TIME! Sinful Confession-
Hangman: -Obsession-
Scanlon (On a roll): -get set for aggression, and spinal compression! You’re on my hitlist, schmendricks!
Hangman: Mine too. You’re not on notice because I hate you. You’re on notice because we’re better. You think you’re bad men? You haven’t MET any bad men. But you’re gonna. Briefly.
You know, Steve? It’s been far too long since my last necktie sociable. Let’s send these boys up the ladder to bed.
Scanlon (to camera): He don’t say much, but I LIKE the way his mind works!
People! Come see the damn-blasted worst beatdown you ever saw in your life, ‘cause we’re making roadkill out of those two posers!
Sinful Obsession! Get set to regret, ‘cause you’re staring down the double-barrel shotgun of pain that IS the Aristocrats!
[Looks, Points up]: Shooting for the moon
[throws a haymaker with the same hand]: And hitting like Apollo,
[Two-handed ‘Bring it!’ gesture]: Easy to come after…
[“Check US out!” gesture]: But a HARD act to FOLLOW!
[Grinning, Scanlon walks off across the street, past the Golden Gate, the iconic Plaza Hotel. It’s like he’s come home… the camera follows him a bit, then pans back (past a sign reading “THE RAT PACK IS BACK!”… and we see Hangman, calm as a coma. He raises his hand in a chokeslam gesture, then whips it forward.]
Hangman: Short drop….
[…and mimes a horrific impact.]
Hangman: …sudden stop.
[And then he just walks off, as we fade out.]
