[GUY]

Inside the workshop the brand spanking new Roulette Champion was currently heard at work. Specifically in the middle of doing some wiring to what appeared to be a gigantic computer. His face covered up with a welding mask. The sparks and flames flying all around. Very wrapped up into the project that he didn’t even hear one of his Oompa Loompas or Minions - whatever he was calling them these days, walk up behind him.

[ M I N I O N ] -- Ahem.

Their tiny little voice seemingly fell upon deaf ears of the champion. Leaving them no option but to try once again.

[ M I N I O N ] -- Aheeeemmmmm!

That time it was a little louder. Again it didn’t seem to make a difference. The facial expression of the tiny person looking that of someone that was very discouraged. Third time would be a charm. Shouting as loud as they could.

[ M I N I O N ] -- Your majesty!

Guy quickly responded in a startled manner. Almost dropping the T.I.G in his hand. Once he was able to collect himself from that first initial scare. He took a step back and lifted up his mask. Looking at orange tiny person.

[ G U Y ] -- Goodness my minion. Yew scared the heck out of King Guy. What can he do for you? Is it of importance, King Guy is da very busy right now?

[ M I N I O N ] -- Ah yes! You have a visitor, your royal highness!

[ G U Y ] -- Huzzah! A visitor? Who is it?!

[ M I N I O N ] -- Jester Calvin, sir.

[ G U Y ] -- Better never let him hear yew say that. His ego will be the big time bruised!

About that time four other minions were rounding the corner there in the warehouse. They were leading Calvin along. Based on the expression on the man’s face. It was clear he was already annoyed, but was that surprising? It didn’t take much to annoy Calvin when it came to any of Guy’s tactics. The excitement pouring out of Guy when Calvin was finally nearby thanks to the guidance.

[ G U Y ] -- My fren! My fren! Welcome to Guy’s warehouse of fun! Kekekeeke. Do you like?

[ C A L V I N ] --  Not even a little bit. It’s giving Michael Jackson vibes. It’s fucking weird. What grown man has a warehouse of fun or their own theme park in their backyard?

[ G U Y ] -- Michael was a saint. Yew watch your tongue!

A very defensive tone coming from the Roulette Champion. That was enough to have the minions all scattering away. Calvin raised his eyebrow some.

[ C A L V I N ] --  Riiiiight. Didn’t know you were so defensive about Jacko the Wacko. Anyway, what the hell are you doing?

[ G U Y ] -- Oh? Dis? He is in the middle of making his very own supercomputer with artificial intelligence. Going to call it the Brooke V2.
‘
[ C A L V I N ] --  Uh... why? And are you even qualified to be making supercomputers?! It’s kind of a bad idea we got someone like Elon Musk running around doing shit like that with A.I as it is.

[ G U Y ] -- Ehhhh. It’s something to do. Besides, Guy got bored with writing his three thousand four hundred and twenty three word diss track on Logan...

As soon as those words escaped his mouth. Guy made direct eye contact forward like he was looking at someone.

...Cue the freeze frame and record scratch sound...

Yep. we’re going there, Logan. Shit is going to get real. You wanted to fuck around. Soon. Very soon you were going to find out.

.. Unfreeze frame ...

Guy finds himself looking right back over towards Calvin. A smirk starting to spread across those painted lips a little wider.

[ G U Y ] -- And yiiiiiiiiiis! Guy is very qualified. More qualified than Elon. This is going to be the best thing evah!

[ C A L V I N ] --  I don’t believe that for one second. Turning that thing on is going to cause this entire place to blow up. Mark my words.

[ G U Y ] -- Got three trillion-billion dollars to bet, it doesn’t?!

[ C A L V I N ] --  I am not even going to offer a real response to that.

Calvin’s comments were almost immediately met with an eye roll from the Roulette Champion. Guy turned right back around and put his attention to his supercomputer. With a single push of the button. The screen of the computer lit up for a brief second before flicking and going back again.

[ C A L V I N ] --  Ha! See, I tried to tell you!

[ G U Y ] -- Hold up! Hold up! Guy has the old Nintendo cartridge trick still to do!

Right away he blew into one of the ports. Instantly the computer found itself lighting up. Within a couple of seconds right there on the screen was a Blonde woman with some very large ... well you can imagine ... featured. Guy looked proud as ever seeing the computer on. Calvin on the other hand is now more confused than ever.

[ C A L V I N ] --  What the hell is that?

[ G U Y ] -- Silly man! Yew don’t listen. Guy told yew, dis is Brooke V2. Very-very advanced Artificial Intelligence. Open your ears, Cal. Gahhhh!

[ C A L V I N ] --  I heard what you said the first time. Why does it look like that? It’s creepy looking.

[ G U Y ] -- Yew gonna say Logan’s Brooke isn’t creepy looking?! That’s a very outdated A.I. Program! Das the wun yew should judge.

[ C A L V I N ] --  Dude, I don't even know who the hell you are talking about.

[ G U Y ] -- That’s okay, no one else does either. But his Brooke can’t even be slightly original and it’s meant to be A.I. Come on! Guy has seen Blue Lagoon. It wasn’t a good movie. Brooke Shields isn't a good actor... But the point Guy is trying to make this is the better version of what he has!

[ C A L V I N ] --  What does it even do?!

[ G U Y ] -- GAHHHH! Finally yew asked. Guy was waiting. Watch this!

He was as giddy as could be when he finally got to show off what his hard work had created. Turning to the supercomputer.

[ G U Y ] -- Brooke, version two!

The A.I. on the screen instantly reacted to being spoken to. The blonde batting her eyes a little bit as she spoke. In a very robotic voice.

[ B R O O K E . V 2 ] -- Yes! My wonderful King. How may I assist you?

[ G U Y ] -- Dis right here is Guy’s fren. He is very skeptical of King Guy’s abilities to make yew a functioning tool. Could yew please tell me who my fren is?

For a moment just a couple of ‘beeps’ and ‘boops’ could be heard from her. Letting her beady little eyes from behind that computer screen scan him up and down.

[ C A L V I N ] --  This is stupid.

[ G U Y ] -- Just yew wait.

[ C A L V I N ] --  Pull your head out of your ass for onc---

[ B R O O K E . V 2 ] -- Calvin Brandon Harris. Born November 18th, 1988. Semi-Retired American Professional Wrestler. Married to Alessandra Reynolds-Harris. Father to Vanellope and Oliver. Currently residing in Seattle Washington!

[ G U Y ] -- Huzzahhhhhh! What did Guy tell yew huh?! What did he tell yew?!

[ C A L V I N ] --  You moron. It just repeated the opening couple of sentences off of my Wikipedia page.

[ G U Y ] -- Nu uhhhhhhhhhh!

[ C A L V I N ] --  Yes it did!

[ G U Y ] -- Yew still a non-believer! Guy will show yew once and for all.

[ C A L V I N ] --  This is already been a giant waste of my time!

[ G U Y ] -- Brooke, verison two! Are you aware of who Logan Hunter is?

For a second or two there was silence. The eyes of this woman bouncing back and forth there on the screen. Like it was ‘processing’ information.

[ B R O O K E . V 2 ] -- Logan Hunter? Yes. Yes. I know who he is.

[ G U Y ] -- What do yew think of his hair?

[ B R O O K E . V 2 ] -- It’s wack!

[ G U Y ] -- What do yew think of his promos?

[ B R O O K E . V 2 ] -- Also wack!

[ G U Y ] -- And his wrestling? What are your thoughts?

[ B R O O K E . V 2 ] -- Triple Wack!

[ G U Y ] -- Kekekekeke! Ooooohhhh! Give King Guy one random fact about Logan. First random fact that comes to mind!

Once again there was a small amount of silence amongst them all. The ‘beeping’ and ‘booping’ being heard for a few seconds. All before that very robotic female voice announced the fact Guy had asked for.

[ B R O O K E . V 2 ] -- It is a proven fact that Logan Hunter has never pleased a woman in his entire life. Despite his desperate attention seeking claims as to otherwise. He is still very much a virgin.

[ C A L V I N ] --  Well, I don’t know that’s a surprise by any means. Anyone that brags about fucking someone on twitter. Usually doesn’t get laid at all.

[ G U Y ] -- His girlfren is an Elon bot anyway. How do you bang-bus-bro that?!

[ C A L V I N ] --  I do not have an answer and--

[ G U Y ] -- Hey Brooke, version two. How do you bang---

[ C A L V I N ] --  DO NOT ASK THAT!

Guy didn’t even get a chance to finish getting those words out. Before Calvin had cupped his hands over the champion’s head and face. Making sure to press hard so anything that was said was muffled and hopefully not picked up by the A.I infused supercomputer. At this point Guy was showing that he was a whole lot smarter than what people have him credited for and that was a very dangerous situation.


Home Depot.

That’s the sign Calvin as he looked up from his phone as the car was pulling into the parking lot. This was not a good sign. Glaring at Guy who was finishing pulling into the free space in front of the building.

[ C A L V I N ] --  What are we doing here?!

[ G U Y ] -- Guy needs a shovel.

[ C A L V I N ] --  Where’s your wallet?! Show it to me right now!

[ G U Y ] -- Why are yew da paranoid?!

[ C A L V I N ] --  Maybe because the last time you went to a home depot. You stole a bunch of ladders. Kept them at my school’s gym and got me locked up because of it.

[ G U Y ] -- Psht, old news! So old news!

[ C A L V I N ] --  I’m not going in there with you and show help me god. If you...

[ G U Y ] -- Blah blah blah blah!

Guy made a motion with his hand of someone that was talking too much. Finding himself climbing out of the driver’s seat and then closing the door behind him. Skipping away he went to the front doors of the building. The very second he was insane he was hunting someone down. Anyone that could help him on his search for the ‘perfect’ shovel. Focusing an older man.

[ G U Y ] -- Huzzah! Good sir! Could yew help King Guy?

The old man was nearly startled by the excitement.

[ O L D . M A N ] -- Help you?

[ G U Y ] -- Yiiis. Guy is in need of a shovel. A very good. Very trusty. Very diggy deep in the dirt shovel.

[ O L D . M A N ] -- Son. I think you have me confused with someone else. I don’t work here. I’m just doing a little shopping myself.

[ G U Y ] -- It has to be a shovel that really does some damage when yew crack someone over the head with it. Make the delusion become un-delusional. Make the crazy a little less crazy. Gots to do reverse effect type stuff!

Clearly the older man’s words had fallen on deaf ears with Guy. He kept walling alongside the old man describing what he needed.

[ G U Y ] -- Oooh, do yew happen to have shovels that combat against wizards? Guy needs one with that tew. Logan seems to know about situations before they happen. Very unfair advantage with his wizard ways. Gotta beat it out of him!

[ O L D . M A N ] -- Wizards? Sonny. You’re not really making much sense. Are you sure you are even in the right place?

[ G U Y ] -- Of course! Dis is the best place in town to find the shovel. Guy knows all about it and yew are going to help me find just the right one to bury Logan Hunter so he never ever ever ever ever shows his stoopid face ever again.

[ O L D . M A N ] -- But I don’t work here. I told you that.

[ G U Y ] -- Nonsense! Guy knows a man that knows his shovels when he sees one!

Maybe just maybe thankfully for the older gentlemen. Something caught Guy’s attention out of the corner of his eye. It forced him to stop and gasp out loud in pure excitement.

[ G U Y ] -- She’s perfect! She is just perfect!

By then he had rushed right up to what caught his eye. It was an all Golden Shovel just hanging there on the wall. He snatched it up with both hands and held it out in front of him seemingly admiring it.

[ G U Y ] -- Oooh dis is nice. Guy can get his proper 2003 Papa H on with this. What do yew fink my fren?

[ O L D . M A N ] -- It’s uh? It’s nice I suppose? It’s just a shovel though.

[ G U Y ] -- No!

[ O L D . M A N ] -- My goodness sonny! You are passionate about your shovels!

[ G U Y ] -- Dis is the best shovel! The perfect shovel. The shovel that will go down in history for the burial of Logan Hunter. Yew and everyone else will respek it!

In that excited manner Guy raised the shovel over his head and shook it about in celebration. That was all the old man needed to see. Things were clearly getting a little out of hand for his liking and he decided to sneak away. All while Guy lowered that shovel back down in his hands. To once again get lost in the beauty of it all. This entire situation with Logan and Guy was about to get all that more interesting.

... Promo time. Cause you know, it needs to be announced. Kekekekeke ...

Cameras were finding themselves rolling in. A little bit of sun peeking through those heavy clouds there in the Denver sky. All of the sudden someone could be heard yelling at the top of their lungs.

“Ahhhh daaaang yew. Yew stoopid clouds! Yew ruining da photo-op!”

A quick cut from those cameras to reveal the SCW Roulette Champion, Guy standing there shaking his fists at the cloud. Very much giving the ‘old man yells at cloud’ vibes, but what people didn’t know was there was a method to the madness. Guy’s eyes shifted to the cameras right away. A devious smirk crossed his painted lips.

“Oh hello thurr. Sorry to scare all of Guy’s minions. He gib those Logan Hunter vibes right now isn’t he? All the yelling, screaming, and shouting randomly into the void like an emo-kid. Just need to add a couple of F Bombs to see edgy, a swoop of dumb hair, and King Guy has the impression of him down to a tee!”

Guy could just be letting that signature little snicker escape him.

“Don’t worry though Minions. Your King is never evah gonna be anything like the narcissistic and clinically delusional Logan. Nuar. He is way better than that. Regardless of what dummies say... However, Guy does have some bad news. He very-very unfortunately has to waste some precious promo time once again talking about him. Forcing Guy to dig deep into his brain to come up with something new, exciting, and fresh to say about his loser. All while everyone knows. Everything Logan does is just rinse and repeat.”

“Same format. Same logic. Same wordage. Same boring context. Same montoned ass voice. Same lifeless energy. Just over and over and over again... Guess making a mockery out of him last week. Embarrassing him last week. Showing him first hand he can never compete on Guy’s level. And taking the championship from him last week. None of it was good enough for the Holy Christian Man and Hot Stuff Old Stuff. Cuz dey is making Guy face him again. With Guy’s championship on the line. Tragic. Just very tragic. Yew agree with him right?!”

Letting a very small eyebrow raise consume him. Any other time the fans of SCW would have been a hundred percent behind him. Yet, over the last few weeks. He had done some things that might just only have seventy five percent behind him...

What?
You really thought we’d say less than that?
He’s still facing Logan Hunter. No one likes him! No one!

With that being said Guy was transitioning the championship that he had sitting on his shoulder. Wanting to make sure it was truly front and center in order to make sure it grinded Logan’s gears a little more.

“Lots and lots of blasphemy has been thrown around in the last week. Lots and lots of lies have been told. Lots and lots of stories have been fabricated. All for da sake of trying to benefit yew. To try and make yew look like yew are the victim in all of this. But big ol’ newsflash for yew, Logan. It’s not working. First reason being the only one telling this narrative is your little posse. You, Maria, Brooke. Oh and probably not your friends, but share a brain like yours so probably are your friends, Harper and Cassie. Throw them in there too, kekeke.”

“And the second reason it’s not working is because yew cannot hide from what facts are. Yew might think that telling lies and stories. You might think that bending the truth will somehow change the fact to be what yew what it to be, but that’s not how it works at all. Fact is Logan. Yew are not good. Yew have never been good. Yew are never going to be good. Yew is scum at the bottom of a very-very dirty barrel. No matter how much yew yell into the void about being great. It is still at the end of the day non factual. The name Logan Hunter will never hang with da legends of J2H...”

“Goth, Drake Green, or Finn Whelan. Your name is never going to truly stand out among da current crop of top dogs. Yew know da HB Carters, Miles Kaseys, Kevin Carters, or Eddie Lyons. Heckin’ crap bro. Yew name is barely standing out among Bill Barnhart and Justin Smith. If dey applied themselves a little more. They’d be better than yew without breaking a sweat. Yew on everyone’s punching bag. Yew are da laughing stock of Sin City Wrestling. Yew already know yew aren’t liked. But yew should also know dat Guy isn’t the only that feels this way when he says no one takes yew seriously.”

“Not even a little bit. The roster hears yew goofy name and everyone chuckles. But your King gets it. He gets that the reason yew are really lashing out right now is because of something yew fink belongs to yew. Because of something yew fink got stolen from yew. Because of something yew fink doesn’t belong on Guy’s shoulder. Yew are lashing out and losing your ever loving mind because of this...”

Guy finally took the Roulette Championship off his shoulder. Holding it out right in front of the cameras. His smirk only gets wider.

“Da Roulette Championship. Your current obsession and the source for all the drama. Heck da source for all your pain. Like Guy said yew fink this belongs to yew, but let’s go ahead and be real shall we? Let’s peel da curtain back just a little. Did yew REALLY earn this championship? Did yew REALLY prove yew were da BETTER wrestler? Did yew REALLY win this championship? Cuz da way Guy sees it. Regardless of the W next to yew name in the history books. Facts are still facts. Yew LUCKED your way into this championship. Guy could really put it out there, but yew been crying enough about being buried. So he will spare yew, but yew know exactly what Guy is talking about.”

“Somehow in the back of your head. Yew got to know what Guy is saying is correct. No one that has a win loss record or three and seven is a legitimate threat. No one that loses six matches in a row. Suddenly somehow someway manage to string it all together to win a championship out of the blue like yew did. No one that loses six matches straight. All against creditable and better opponents. Can suddenly blink and they’re good enough to just tackle a championship off of someone that was credible and steam rolling everyone they were facing prior to you. Yew can say whatever yew want, Logan. Yew can keep lying. But this is not how da real world works!”

“Yew got lucky and luck doesn’t go far in da wrestling biz amigo. Nu! Nu! Eventually, yew gotta prove yourself and luck only lasts for so long. It’s nawt a guarantee it will be there next time. No sir, not at all. And that’s the very situation yew found yourself in last week. Just three weeks into a title run. Yew had to defend it. Yew had to prove yew were truly a champion. Yew had to back up all that poop that’s been coming out of yew mouth making it smell like shitake mushrooms. Based on all da ego. All that beating on your chest yew do. Based on how much yew got on the twitter machine and brag about how gewd yew are. Yew should have been ready for anything and everything.”

“Yew should have been a true champion ready to fight, but that’s not what the reality of fings are. That’s not what the fact was. Yew got through Justin. Yew got through Bill. But that’s where yew luck ran out. That’s when talent had to come in. That’s where yew had to dig down deep. Only for yew to fail. Yew fumbled da Ball or this case yew fumbled the championship. So Guy picked it up and scored a Homerun Basket with it! Because das what talent does. Guy has all the talent. All da abilities. He is da fantastic wrestler. Yew just dog poop and it showed. That sucks for yew. Yew are da one to blame. Yew are at fault for not being good enough to win. Whine, cry, and scream at yewself, doofus!”

As it should have been expected at that point. Guy found himself snickering out loud. Everything about his tone was sarcastic and it was aimed to just mock the hell right out of the previous champion. He pulled the championship back. Placing it back over his shoulder. Continuing to beam with confidence.

“And now we’re set to face off dis week. Yew are getting your rematch...”

“Guy could have made a big stink about it. Guy could have yelled at the clouds. He could have whined and cried about how unfair it was. He could have said rematches aren’t a fing around here. When there’s plenty of proof of that throughout the years. He could have even said the Holy Christian man and Hot Stuff Old Stuff is cruelly and unfairly punishing Guy by forcing a rematch as punishment for what he did last week King Guy had the right to do what he did. That was in the rules. He didn’t do anything different than others haven’t done themselves!

“Yew know it. I know it. All of Guy’s minions know it. That’s a fact! But yew see since Guy isn’t a baby back bish like yew. He didn’t do any of that. He had no problem at all with the rematch happening. No problem getting in the ring with yew again. Why would he have a problem with it? Guy has beaten yew twice now... Oh right. Guy shouldn’t bring up the first time he smacked yew around right. Considering yew no sold it. Like yew do very often with most of the matches yew get slapped stoopid in! But Guy doesn’t live in fantasy land like yew. He lives in reality.”

“And in living in reality. It means that Guy very much has to pull one of the tricks out of yew playbook by going into business for himself. Only difference is, it’ll work out for him unlike when yew try it. Nothing yew do is going to stop the outcome of this match. Nothing yew say is going to have any kind of effect on how this match plays out. Yew do not have pull with the company. Yew cannot throw your weight around in this company. Guy can though. It’ll show when he gets yew in that ring on Sunday and ends up being yew from one side of the ring to the other without breaking a sweat.”

Essentially with those words. Guy was giving himself a pat on the back. By no means at all was he doing himself any favors when it came to Logan. Then again, it was safe to say he wasn’t all that concerned.

“Logan. There is just two fings yew really need to focus on the next couple of days. Guy wants yew finking about it every single day. He wants yew obsessing about it every single day. He wants it to drive yew crazier and more delusional than yew already Guy is quite literally giving yew the blueprint on what is going to take place on Sunday. Those two things are dis...

“Guy is going to pull out his golden shovel, beat yew over the head with it, toss yew in a shallow grave, and he is going to leave yew Out Of Commision. Permanently might Guy add. Yew will not come back from this. It will officially be the end of Logan Hunter and the entire concept of what yew want yewself to be. That’s just the first thing. The second thing yew need to obsess about is how Guy is going to do what yew couldn’t do.”

“For starters he is going to have a successful title defense. He is going to show that talent is the key and he is going to show what being a real champion is all about. Then for every day following this title defense. It’s going to be better than every day yew held it. Guy will make the Roulette Championship mean something. He will make it entertaining. He will make it a sought out after championship.”

“It will overshadow everything you ever did in twenty one days. Proving without a shadow of a doubt what Guy had said from the beginning. Yew are nothing special. Yew are easily forgettable. Yew would just be better off leaving this company and leaving the wrestling biz as a whole. Never showing yew ugly face ever again, but since yew don’t listen to advice and it won’t be that easy. Guy just gonna punch yew in you face!”

“Punch yew in it over and over and over. Until your brain becomes so riddled with da C.T.E that someone like Antonio Brown is going to look like they are a normal human being. Punch yew all in your stupid face until it bleeds and yew are begging for mercy. Punch yew in it until your face is da unrecognizable. In da end Guy gets to have fun. Guy gets to come out on top. And Guy gets to remain champion!”

There was a small wink that left the right eye of the reigning Roulette Champion. That resulted in Guy finding himself walking forward. Stepping right on by the cameras having them on his back. Before he got too far, Guy turned and looked back over his shoulder.

“Kekekeke! Yew played the game of eff around and find out. A game that yew lost big time. Now cope and seeth over it you fookin’ loser!”

That snickering was as loud as ever. Guy turned himself back and began to continue on with his journey. Everything he had said was everything he believed. It was likely not going to be well received, but who really cared? All that mattered in the end was the outcome and that meant Guy leaving with the Roulette Championship still in tact. That’s when the cameras faded on out.