My mother knew that ever since Into the Void, I was feeling glum. She knew that this was especially so since the calendar turned to June. But as we were taking a stroll through some of the vortexes that Sedona was very famous for, she knew something was very wrong especially since the vortexes usually helped me pull through the dumps but that doesn’t always work.
It’s especially worrying for her since the last time that didn’t work, was of course, 2020, with the infamous summer of hell where I went on a complete downward spiral. What she didn’t know, however, is that the gloominess that I was going through wasn’t even because of the outcome of that world title match.
“It’s okay to talk about the loss if you want to…” my mother said with a sigh. “You know how I feel about that place and I don’t ever want to think you can never talk about it with me.”
I paused and turned toward my mother, not sure what to say at the moment.
“I know that match didn’t go the way you wanted it to and I know you’re tired of the hard luck when it comes to the world title over there…”
“Mother, I’m not even upset or even down in the dumps about the outcome….” I admitted.
“Why are you so glum, then?”
“It was some certain words… the way I was treated. I think it’s so clinically psychotic that someone can interpret words the way Kayla interpreted mine. I think it’s so fucking trippy that something so little as not saying a certain thing on social media at a certain time gets you compared to Crystal and gets you buried in a bunch of lies. I know Roddy and I talked about how things are supposed to be different this time but it really just feels like dealing with you know who all over again.”
My mother didn’t know how to respond when I finally admitted that things weren’t exactly okay.
“It’s just… I don’t get it. I don’t understand it. I do what I have to do. I am just… you know… me out there. I don’t try to force anything. I don’t even try to make people like me. Yet, I’ve taken notice since I went back there about how all these people are like ‘she’s exactly the same’ and saying that I’m ‘arrogant’, and I’m this lie and that lie and…”
I gave a bit of a defeatist sigh at this point. Even in my first run in SCW before my father had passed away and I had gone off the rails, I was dealing with this same crap. Even then, I wasn’t TRYING to be disliked. I wasn’t necessarily going out and seeking the approval of other people then either, but it’s basically gotten to the point where I was basically fed up all over again with the slander and the garbage the other Bombshells threw my way.
“...I don’t need to tell you how toxic that culture is in the locker room.”
“Andrea…” my mother says as she approaches me. “In a weird way, and by no means am I EVER going to condone your behavior all those years ago or the person you allowed that company to turn you into, you were actually kind of justified in turning that leaf.”
“...I was?!?!?!” I asked, clearly feeling a bit tripped up because my mother of all people was saying this. “I treated people horribly. You realized the monster that I turned into, right?”
“You did nothing to deserve the mistreatment that you got at the beginning. We’re talking about the same place where tweeting that your first loss was a ‘delay of the inevitable’ was spun into ‘she’s arrogant and she needs to be humbled’ when that was clearly not what you meant to do. Now you take one promo where you didn’t even say anything BAD about Kayla and it turns into ‘you’re another Crystal Hilton’. Tell me, Andrea. How does something so insignificant get blown up out of proportion? How does not tweeting a certain thing at a certain time to someone else’s liking turn into ‘you’re disrespecting me’? You know, it’s crazy. You’re not a social media person at all anymore and this type of crap is exactly why…”
“But the moment I tweet anything anyone can take out of context, I’m getting it right down the fucking throat in an opposing promo…”
I let out a sigh coming to the realization that I was about to reveal to my mother.
“That locker room is never going to accept me, mother.”
My mother actually smiled at this, much to my surprise.
“I’ve been waiting 5 years for you to say that and again, your feelings are purposely justified and the way you turned that leaf then? Justified. You went WAY too far, as you know. You can only help yourself and focus on yourself, Andrea. At the end of the day, they’re just empty words by shallow people. You shouldn’t pay them any mind at all. I can tell you’re far happier and much more into your other place…”
“You know, the five year anniversary of my dad dying looming in the clouds doesn’t help either…”
“Maybe this is a time to honor him by remembering something that might help you here…”
My mother gave me a reassuring embrace at this point.
“He’s the only one that can really pull you out of a situation like this since he knew the wrestling business far more than I ever could. You talk about your other company and you’re passionate and into it. Whenever you talk about SCW, you come off like you’re burdened.”
“Well, my other place… it has cancers like everywhere else does, but not like this…”
“I’ll leave you alone for a minute. I think you need to figure this out on your own. All I can tell you is, don’t let any of it get you down: your father’s unfortunate anniversary, the locker room you have to deal with, none of that crap. I’ll be back in a bit.
My mother assured me once more that things were going to be okay. But as I sat down on the large, flat rocky area that we were chatting in, that gloominess was really getting to me. The combination of my father’s passing anniversary as well as the unfortunate realization that the other Bombshells were never going to accept me had me going through a bender. All I could do was take my mother’s advice and sifted through many of the lessons that he taught me when he was bringing me up in this business. I could remember the first time we ever had a serious conversations about peer interaction in the business…
2019, months prior to signing with SCW.
For all the disdain that I have personally held toward the SCW Bombshells locker room for basically most of my career there, the truth of the matter is that Sin City Wrestling has never had the absolute worst locker room environment for me. That would be the company that I had wrestled at BEFORE I was even there. For a while, that perspective helped me pull through some struggles, but at the same time, that wasn’t necessarily working anymore.
I remember sitting on the couch with my father as we were just having a conversation. He then brought up my career out of nowhere as he was prone to doing when he felt like he needed to spice up the conversation and the fact that I was in the dumps like I was in the current day drew his attention.
“So what’s the name of that place again? The one that you hate being in?”
“That’s not even important anymore, Dad. They just closed shop.”
“Oh did they?” he asked and I nodded. “Thank god.”
My eyes widened with surprise considering my father was against changing promotions. I could still remember when he got on my case for leaving one back in 2016.
“What do you mean ‘thank god’? You’ve never wanted me to change promotions.”
“This one that you were in was fucking garbage, Andrea. It’s a bunch of ass clown nutjobs stock in the 90’s who rely on poking fun at ‘woke’ than actually putting in a good product. They’re very chauvinistic and you have a bunch of jackasses that don’t evolve with the times. I don’t know how the hell you even had success there.”
“Grown ass men reducing me to a damn sex object…” I said with an angry sigh. “...grown men stuck in 20 years prior trying to dictate what that company should be and always getting in my way saying I don’t deserve this or that I am incapable of that. When I had my one and only world title shot and lost, that was basically a spirit breaker for me because it felt like all of those old blowhards were right all along.”
“I don’t know how you could find a worse locker room than that. But, there’s something that I need to drill in your head right now…”
My father grabbed my hand and when I turned to look at him, I could tell that he was very much serious. The look in his eyes definitely had that aura that he wasn’t fucking around at all.
“There are two things that you can be in this business, Andrea: a victim or a champion…”
My eyes widened some as I wasn’t expecting him to say that nor did I even understand what he was getting at.
“Take this promotion you were in that just closed with all their He Man Women Hater bullshit, okay? You’re in a hell of a situation here. Someone of your youth and caliber who still has the whole world ahead of her should have no issues finding a place to work at all. You can be the champion and find that other place and you can succeed a hell of a lot more than they were ever going to allow you to succeed in that place that just closed. You can win your first world title and then go right back to those people and shove it up their ass and show them what they fucking missed out on… or… you know… just let them be right about you and prove that you don’t have what it takes. There’s no in between here, Andrea.”
“...so….um… what is the victim path exactly?”
“Giving up and not going anywhere else and letting their stupid sexist nonsense define the rest of your career, that’s what. That’s why I didn’t want you to quit your first company when you did because you were letting those idiots define you. You can go down the dark path, say ‘fuck the world’ and sell out every moral fiber of who you are so that you don’t get pushed around anymore… but that’s still letting those bastards define you. You’d still be their victim. You admitted yourself that when you had your one world title match in the place and didn’t win, you basically gave up.”
I sighed, knowing all too well how true that was.
“You decided to be the victim and decide that you were done dealing with that place and by the grace of god, that place didn’t last much longer after that. It’s a tough business, Andrea. I warned you about that for years and I never wanted you to go through this type of thing. Really, the choice is yours. You can fight through this and you cn just be happy with yourself and be the best that you are capable of being as you move forward or you can just lie down, give up, let the haters win and let them be right about you. This isn’t worth being in the dumps about for so long, got it?”
“Yeah, I do…”
“So what’s it going to be? Are you going to fight through this and move forward or are you going to just let everyone else be right about you even though you know in your heart that they are wrong?”
I knew what the answer was, especially since the choice that I made to be the ‘champion’ and not the ‘victim’ in this particular instance led me to signing with Sin City Wrestling back in 2019 to begin with.
I snapped back into the present moment as I looked out into some of the wilderness that was right in front of me. I could almost hear my father repeating the same questions all over again.
“I never thought I would be in the same cross roads I was five years ago…” I reflected. “I have three choices: I give up, go home and just let Kayla and everyone else that has ever said a negative word about me to be right…
Easy call, right?
I say ‘screw everyone’ and cave in, give them exactly who they think I am even though it’s not REALLY me and just sell my values down the river… AGAIN…
And then what? Prove I really am no better than Crystal Hilton?
Or I can take the road I should’ve taken five years ago: Move forward, stay true to who I am, don’t give in to the bitches, the critics, the bullies, the slanderers with nothing better to do. I find a way through this metaphorical forest and I overcome this and eventually get to the place I want to be in this company. I can be the victim and do the first two things I mentioned… or I can be the champion in this case and just soldier along… everyone else be damned.
I’m not going to go on a ‘fuck everyone’ rampage and do the same thing that I did five years ago when I was in this same situation after that cruise ship…
But the truth is, I’ll never be accepted in that Bombshells locker room and I am always going to be a target of derision, slander, lies, and so forth just because… well I don’t know WHY exactly this has always happened to me in SCW.
It’s like Myra always says: the only one that really knows the truth about you… IS you…”
The tears that just strolled down my face, a physical manifestation of just how pained and tired I was of how I generally get slandered and mistreated by any given opponent in SCW, got wiped away quickly.
“I know it’s hard to accept that truth…” my mother said behind me, having overheard my entire reflection. “...but you’re better off just focusing on being who you know you are, who you know you can be and never worrying about making anyone else that isn’t you happy. Alright? They can interpret things about you, twist things about you, exaggerate things about you and so on, but that’s THEM… not you, alright? You can push back and push through this and keep this darkness from invading your heart and soul again. I believe in you and you may be the only daughter I ever had, but you’re the best one I could ever want. Don’t forget that, alright?”
“Thanks mom…”
“”If your father were still here…”
“He’d want me to keep fighting this. I made the mistake five years ago of giving up… and I’m not about to make the same mistake again…”
“Good…” my mother said as we stood up and then finished the rest of our leisurely stroll.
June 13, 2025
A cabin near Pikes Peak near Colorado Springs was probably the perfect getaway from things considering all of the emotions that were completely going through me at this point. I wasn’t fully out of the glum mood I was in just yet, but by the time the camera came on me, I had recovered enough to be able to pull through and find the light at the end of the tunnel. I wasn’t exactly fiery as I had been known to be, but I knew that going into this Sunday, I had to make a statement of some kind.
“Let’s get the obvious out of the way. Into the Void didn’t go my way. It’s shitty. Yeah, I admit it. It’s shitty. It’s very fucking familiar to me. But one thing that I know now that I didn’t know five years ago is that it’s not the adversity, it’s how you react to it and five years ago when I was in the situation that I was in: a tailspin to say the least, when everything that could go wrong, DID go wrong, when I was sitting on that damn cruise feeling sorry for myself and feeling like I proved someone very overrated and unimportant in the grand scheme of things right, when I felt like I had let everyone down, I was presented with a choice: I could fight my way through this and somehow pull through to be even better than before or I could just lie down, take it, let everyone else win and just raise hell on everyone else because of my own insecurities becoming someone that I never truly wanted to be in the first place. Five years ago, I made the worst fucking mistake of not just my SCW career, but my entire professional wrestling career period: I let everyone else that ever had a negative thing to say about me win.
So this time around when I am faced with the same choice, I know better now and I know that I am NOT going to make that same fucking mistake again so if you expect me to eat those words whatever Kayla had to say about me going into Into the Void and that entire title match and allow a bunch of gross, exaggerated, unrealistic, truth twisting of whatever I said or did or whatever I didn’t say or didn’t do be true…
I got only one thing to say to you…
Get a hobby.
I get it, okay? Whatever my reputation is, I’ve earned that. I’m not fighting it. The hardest part of that whole ordeal wasn’t losing that world title match but basically having to come to terms with the fact that this locker room is… well… for lack of a sugar coat honestly… they’re never going to accept me. Some will always root for me to fail or they’re just randomly name drop me and throw a barb at me and say ‘oh she’s just the same’. I am who I am, alright? You don’t have to like who I am. You can take what I say and you can twist it to the most unreal bullshit that you can think of but it’ll NEVER be true because the truth of the matter is, NOBODY in this locker room knows me. Part of that is because, yeah, I’ve been distant. I don’t use social media nearly as much as I do. I don’t engage in the drama nearly as much as I used to and I sure as fuck don’t ignite it. I already know what to expect going up against Necra. I know how she operates based on how she acts and her supercilious arrogance that goes into every single opponent that she faces. I saw that self-negligence going into the chamber match where she was acting like she was going to be queen shit and that everything ran through her.
You were what? The second elimination in that thing, Necra?
And I’m sorry, I have nothing against Candy… anymore… but you expect me to be impressed with you beating her at Into the Void? Candy’s a sweetheart, but she also hasn’t been someone that people ont his roster have feared in many years and has barely moved the needle since she lost the SCW Bombshells Roulette Championship…”
I paused and bit my lower lip in a minor fit of realization knowing exactly how that comment was going to be interpreted. As the camera rolled on, I winced a bit and for a brief moment, I was left to my own internal thoughts that Necra, nor anyone, would hear.
“...fuck, the bitches are going to take that and twist it so far up my ass. Seriously. I can already hear them saying something about it. I can already picture my next opponent saying ‘oh this is proof of how ARROGANT you are and how you haven’t changed’....”
“Fuck it…” I said out loud. “I said what I just said because it’s the truth and I don’t see why I should have t sugar coat that to make anyone else in the locker room happy. I am who I am, Necra and if you don’t like that, it’s a you problem. So yeah, I’m going to straight up say it. You might be a Hall of Fame member, but the truth of the matter is that your comeback swing that you’ve had this year is not even close to a Rolling Stones epic and more along the lines of the Who putting people to sleep at the damn Super Bowl many years ago. Four Roulette Championships and a tag title are nothing to sneeze at, but since you’ve came back, I haven’t seen one match or remembered one moment from you that has wowed me or made me think ‘shit, I should watch out for her’. I won’t give you the lecture of how this is a far different division than what you left many years ago, but the fact that even all the way back when, when you were at the peak of your powers, you still weren’t a world champion at any point says it all. You’re someone that seems to coast on reputation and seems like she’s too fucking stubborn and stuck in her ways to ever evolve or be any different. That’s what I think of you, Necra. You do you and that’s fine. I’m not out to change you and I’m not out to make you change what you’re about, but that doesn’t mean that I am going to lie down and accept the fate that happened to me at Into the Void. Hell, let me be REALLY fucking honest with you, Necra…
I am coming into this match completely fucking pissed off.
I’m going into this knowing that I have to have this and that I have to make a statement. For as much as I am not impressed with your return run in the slightest, you’re STILL a Hall of Fame member and I am not going to overlook that. I went into my last match stating that I was confident enough to talk about being one of the best wrestlers in the business and being one of the best this division has ever had in spite of all the shit that I’ve been through and while the result of that match doesn’t necessarily SUPPORT that, that doesn’t mean that it’s a lie either. I am going to stay true to that belief and I am going to continue to grow, to overcome, to get better, to find a way to push through and achieve everything I could ever want to achieve in this company and in this business. I’m angry because the truth is, I am beyond tired of the toxicity of the locker room sometimes. It’s not even necessarily or even exclusively the slander that is said about me. You look around and you see a whole bunch of narcissism and shit like that. Sure, you’re going to have your people that are going to say that I am arrogant or that I’m a narcissist or whatever the fuck they want to say. I’ve heard it so many times that I’m just numb to it at this point. It’s a damn good thing I am distant from it all because the constant negativity, the constant nonsense that goes on around here, the constant egomaniacs that are running around and feeling like they need to run down other people and make up the wildest fucking bullshit about them that is not true, never will be true and never WAS fucking true… it’s just EXHAUSTING really.
YOU are one of the biggest offenders of everything that I just said in my interpretation because it seems like no matter what happens, especially if you lose, you’re able to just dismiss it as a fluke occurrence or you’re just acting like it never fucking happened. If that’s not narcissistic behavior then, I don’t even know. So yeah, you are damn fucking right I am pissed because really, I’m tired of having to hear vapid, empty people acting as if they know me from front to back and thinking that they’re suddenly my damn therapist or something. You’re an outlet that I have to take my anger out on because as far as I’m concerned, on this particular instance, you are more than just another opponent to me and you mean a hell of a lot more than just another win over a Hall of Fame member. You are the outlet that I am going to unleash my anger on because for me, our match is me saying goodbye to all the fucking bullshit that I have ever endured in this company from all the other Bombshells in the locker room and even, in one instance, a couple of times when I wasn’t even HERE! This match for me is a PURGE… of all the negative, toxic emotions I’ve ever had to hold in my heart because of my time here, of all the poison that I’ve carried in my soul for years because of this thing that went wrong, this bitch that should’ve gone to court for some of the lies levied against me, that thing that didn’t go my way, that cunt that took every fucking little thing that I did or didn’t do like a fucking insult that she had to be a two faced hypocrite and DO THE SAME GOD DAMN THING SHE SAID I DID…
And if any of you hear this and THINK that I am talking about YOU… you BETTER look in the mirror before you go off on your shady little subtweet shit and say “NOW THE REAL ANDREA HAS COME OUT”....
FUCK that… and FUCK YOU because NOBODY knows the real Andrea Jayda Hernandez except ME, got it? You get that, Necra? Of course not. You’re too old fashioned and stuck in your ways thinking that you don’t have to evolve or change a fucking thing to be successful. You can say whatever the hell you want, but you’re the vessel that’s about to be on the other end of this purge that I am about to unleash. This is a one shot deal. This is my way of flushing Into the Void, flushing the chamber, flushing High Stakes and hell, let’s just say flushing every ounce of bad vibes I’ve ever had to deal with in this company. Where I go after Sunday? That’s not exactly clear in the immediate moment. I know that I WILL have that world championship again sooner rather than later and when I do, I will have that reign that I’ve always wanted and I’ll be DONE with that one and done supercard shit but that’s for the near future. Sunday, I let it all out on you, Necra because the truth is, I am done with it all. No more poison in me. No more worrying about what someone else said about me. No more feeding into that shit. Sunday, I entertain it this ONE last time and then I go on my own way and do me. As long as the people that are behind me in the stands, in my family, in my life are behind me, fine. That’s great. I’m done seeking approval of other people so to everyone in the back that watches this, just know that you’re not going to throw your jabs at me and shade me like a little bitch behind my back without getting a receipt for it.
If you’re with me, you’re with me. If you’re not? So be it. I know most of you in the locker rom will never accept me and that’s fine because those in the audience? They do. My family? They do. My friends? They do. And to me, that’s all that matters. It just took me way longer than it needed to in order for me to come to that realization and I’m definitely not sorry about being in my own cabin or being a wallflower for the cruise this year. Necra, it’s really NOT personal against YOU, specifically… even though I know you’re going to say something VERY stupid about me and be just like so many others in the locker room have been when they go up against me. You just happened to be the person I wrestled against when I decided to purge all the poison I’ve carried with me for years.”
Finally, after saying that, I could calm down. I shut the camera off and the first thing that came to mind was knowing that the wrong people were probably going to dissect that and twist it into something it’s not.
Then I felt a sense of relief knowing that I accepted that was going to happen and that after I defeat Necra on Sunday, I wasn’t going to give a fuck about that anymore.
