Cactus Pete’s travels part two.
We cut back to Vinnie as he sits in his beat down chair while drinking from a glass of Tequila, he has his book across his lap while Pete is playing with Iris as he is throwing a ball for her to catch.
Vinnie: Welcome all to the second part of the highly anticipated tale of Pete, what some of you may have already considered to be the revelation of storytelling since the Lord Of The Rings. So I encourage you Senor Pete Jackson to buy the rights, just don’t try to mil it into a trilogy senor… Pete is very bad in action sequals
Pete turns around, taking his eyes of Iris who bumps into him while holding the ball inside her mouth. This causes Pete to fall backwards while Iris is yelping with a lot of pins sticking in her nose before running in circles around Vinnie’s chair with Pete following her.
Vinnie: Case closed.
He coughs a few times before opening the book, he looks where he had left off before nodding his head in confirmation before coughing a few times.
Vinnie: So the last time you and I spoke was when I told you that Pete stayed at a nice Bed and Breakfast, having a donkey Juanita that he liked very much.
This causes Iris to stop in her tracks before growling towards Vinnie, clearly not wanting to hear anything else about a different woman…. Even if it was a donkey.
Vinnie: Let me rephrase, Juanita was a very helpful donkey, who in no way had any relational interest with Pete…. She likes four legged horses like the one from the Zorro tales.
This causes Iris to yelp in satisfaction as she starts to run around again while Pete gives a sign of saying pfew to Vinnie before continuing to chase Iris.
Vinnie: Pete decided after a few days staying in the Bed and Breakfast that he wanted to search beyond the border of our city boundaries. To search for the unknown, to boldly go where no cacti has gone before.
Vinnie looks up from his book as he lifts his glasses from his nose.
Vinnie: Well technically that is incorrect, we all know that cacti are being found everywhere around the world. But it is what excites the reader no?? I mean seriously, what do you expect from a potted plant that has got no two feet??
He lowers his reading glasses and continues to read.
Vinnie: It took him several days of travelling by day and sleeping at night, having issues at times to set up his tent. But luckily Juanita was a helpful donkey, using her massive back for him to throw his tent over and spend the night sleeping quietly and not having to worry about any rain.
He turns a page as he coughs a few more times.
Vinnie: At one point Pete got lost, every morning he came back to the same bed and breakfast, realizing that apparently Juanita had gotten to like the Burrito’s that they were making in the Bed And Breakfast, making him become very desperate. Realizing that this way he would never get to far places like Texas, Oklahoma or even New York a name that sounds so nice that they called it twice.
He takes a sip of his tequila as he continues.
Vinnie: But he persevered, it did not stop him from coming up with he brilliant idea of asking the host of the Bed And Breakfast to give him a handful of burrito’s wrapped in his backpack for him to make for his Juanita in order for her not to get homesick.
The referring his Juanita caused Iris to stop in her tracks, causing Pete to bump into her backside before she turns around with a growling look on her face that causes Pete to back off pleading with her.
Vinnie: Oh wait, I see a notification from Pete to remind me to erase this part, worried that if Iris found out that he had some moments where Juanita had to comfort him for missing Iris would cause to have issues with Iris.
A loud bark can be heard as the sounds of a potted plant being chased throughout Vinnie’s house is obviously heard over the marble floors.
Vinnie: Luckily I am a man of my word and I will do so next time that I pick out the book from the shelf, I just need to place a reminder here for me not to forget.
Vinnie places a post it that reads for Vinnie to remove the personal part in the story.
Vinnie: Luckily Pete learned to be a very good cook, causing Juanita to forget about the Bed and Breakfast that caused him to finally reach the borders between Mexico and Texas. Luckily Pete had not forgotten his passport as well as his working visa. Pete wanted to prove to the world that he could earn his very own money and not to rely upon me….
Vinnie looks up as he puts his hand before his mouth as he whispers something into the camera.
Vinnie: (whisper) Sadly something that Pete no longer does as I have to pay for everything once more.
He looks over his shoulder, realizes that his friend and the dog Iris are nowhere to be seen as he smiles.
Vinnie: Pete’s cooking has garnered so much notoriety that there has been a branch of Fast Food Restaurants being created, inspired by his cooking. So you have the Double Whammy Pete Burger with hot peppers, you got Chicken Salad with beans and peas, but most of all his royal flush ice cream has topped the charts of many sophisticated Mexican and beyond our borders.
He closes the book after putting a marker at the spot where he had ended.
Vinnie: Ice cream that contains chocolate, little nuts, a cone where you drop the ice cream inside off as well as vanilla and the hidden secret that was unknown to all of you until today.
Vinnie looks around as to see if he sees Pete lurking around before letting out a sigh of relief.
Vinnie: Pete would kill me if he knew that I would give away his hidden secret, but here we go.
He pulls out a little box of M&M’s and smiles.
Vinnie: That’s right, M&M’s… nobody would have seen that coming and nobody would expect something so simple would be so awarding. Now I know that when M&M’s finds out that we are using their property, that Pete would get a lawsuit on his cacti behind that he… or should I say I could never repay.
He rolls his eyes before putting the little box back into a pocket
Vinnie: But I can trust you amigo’s not to tell right???
The cameraman shakes the camera up and down, as if to say that he wouldn’t give away the secret.
Vinnie: Gracia’s amigo’s, I guess that is all for this wee… but please do come back next time as I will tell you about Pete’s mission to find himself his own home.
We hear a bark coming from a room next door, causing Vinnie to swallow.
Vinnie: I guess Iris found out that Pete has a place of his own, another secret I promised that I would not give away. But oh well, I guess I cannot stop something that I have already said…. So until next time amigo’s.
With that the shot fades as Vinnie starts to wave.
How to qualify for a chamber.
We can see Vinnie and Pete sit in the hallway of Christian Underwoods office, Vinnie is patiently whistling while waiting for his appointment with the co-owner of Sin City Wrestling while Pete is reading a magazine. We suddenly see Christian Underwoods secretary walk over towards them with a gentle smile upon her face.
Secretary: Hello Vinnie, I have to let you know that Mr. Underwood is still busy. So we want to ask you to be a little bit more patient.
This causes Pete to drop his magazine as he looks up to the secretary, who looks back at him before turning her attention towards Vinnie.
Secretary: Do you always take your cacti with you??
Vinnie looks at Pete, who looks back at him. He shrugs his shoulders before turning his attention back to the secretary.
Vinnie: Si…., why??
Secretary: I just wasn’t aware that your friendship is really this close. But can I ask what you two are doing here???
Vinnie sits straight as he starts to explain why he is here.
Vinnie: Good question, you see? I am here to ask Mr. Underwood about the chamber I am qualifying for.
The secretary looks puzzled.
Secretary: Chamber??
Vinnie: Si, you see. I am facing a mutual friend of my best friend in a qualifying match to qualify for the Elimination Chamber. But when I read that I was still left with several questions.
Secretary: Like??
Vinnie stops a moment, pondering how to answer that question before he has a light bulb emerge above his head.
Vinnie: Well first of all, is it a chamber with a view over water?? Does it have a balcony?? And more importantly is there enough room for me to put in my furniture inside??
The secretary looks at Vinnie with rather large eyes that reveals her insecurity of how to answer these questions.
Secretary: I… I am sorry, I am just a secretary Vinnie.
Vinnie: You know I love a window, I like to place flowers in front of the window as that attract birds bees and butterflies. The only true hope that I have that there’s a doggie entrance that is large enough for Iris to fit through. That dog needs a rather large space to pass through as she is rather… uhm ....
He looks over to Pete before turning his attention back to the secretary.
Vinnie: (whisper behind a hand) Well endowed…
Secretary: I….
But luckily for the secretary she is being saved by the opening of the door to the office of Christian Underwood as we see someone walk out with an angry look on his face.
Vinnie: I guess he didn’t got the chamber.
He turns his attention to Pete with a serious look on his face.
Vinnie: Just do what I told you to do Pete, make sure that you are very happy and always finish the sentence with sir… And where is your tie???
The two are bickering as the secretary just leaves them as the shot fades.
Amigo vs. Amigo.
We come back with Vinnie outside Christian Underwoods office as he is talking to Pete before noticing the camera.
Vinnie: Can you believe that?? I qualify for something but I will not own a chamber after a match is over. What is that all about?? And to top it all is that I have to face a mutual friend of my best friend in Bill Barnhart. Who came up with that idea??
He raises his arms in the air being clueless before letting out a sigh.
Vinnie: And even though it pains me to face this man, because I already got text message from Bill where he asks me not to hurt him too much. And I told him that I would shake Felix his hand before the match, but I cannot promise him that a nail could be broken during this match.
He holds his hands in front of the camera
Vinnie: But if I want to celebrate my return with my friend Bill inside that same chamber, then I have to beat Mr. Hernandez. A fellow Latino, an amigo. Someone that I am sure enough of will look amazing under a sombrero. That could play a nice guitar and sing mariachi songs. But that’s not what we are here, we are here to qualify for something huge!! Your own chmber and to win all the other chambers that houses other wrestlers. Because lets face it, me and Pete do not like crowded chambers.
Pete can be seen nodding his head in agreement.
Vinnie: But I promise you all to at least have a house warming party as soon as I have qualified for my chamber. Because I will invite all of you of my friends that have bought a ticket for the show that will watch me celebrate my new chamber with other wrestlers. And sadly Amigo Hernandez, I have to go through you.
Vinnie sighs
Vinnie: So why don’t we just have a great match Senor Felix, let us decide who the better amgigo is between the two of us… And let the better man fight for two inside that chamber, because I am sure that the other one will be sitting at home with Iris cheering me and Bill on. The team of Dos Senores reunite IF I beat you…. Can you imagine?? I sure can and that is what causes my heart to pound faster and blood to boil as a spicy chicken with hot peppers.
He smirks as he licks his lips
Vinnie: Something that only us two can enjoy is it not Senor Hernandez?? It will be a battle of the ages, past vs. Present… Ying vs. Yang…. Cheech and Chong…. But in th end it is going to be Senor Vinnie that will hit a sensitive nerve upon each and every single one of you… and that includes you amigo. Because there is only room… err chamber left for one final superstar and that is me. I am going to show the world that 2025 is the year of the Vinnie… Senor Vinnie.
With that he and Pete wave to the camera as the shot fades.
