[Andrew]

A DOG FOOD MATCH IS MY TYPE OF MATCH

Narrator:  Well good grief I don’t think they could have come up with a match better to drop into Bill Barnhart’s lap than a Dog Food Match where you win the match by slamming your opponent’s face-first into a bowl of dog food. With that said I turn you over to Bill Barnhart who is at the Broadmoor World Arena in Colorado Springs, Colorado where Sin City Wrestling will be holding their event Climax Control 397.

The scene shifts and the assigned camera person gives us a shot of Bill Barnhart and his wife Bea Barnhart at the Broadmoor World Arena in Colorado Springs. We notice that Bill casually dressed in Blue Jeans, a pink pullover shirt, and white and black sneakers and we also notice that Bea, who is his wife and Manager, dressed casually in black slacks, a white shirt with a frilly collar, and she is also wearing white and black sneakers. The two continue to stand in front of the wrestling ring at the Broadmoor World Arena as Bill launches into comments concerning his Dog Food Match against Justin Smith.

A DOG FOOD MATCH IS BILL’S TYPE OF MATCH

Bill:  Before I launch into devastating comments for the benefit of Justin Smith who is my victim. . .I mean opponent. . .for our Dog Food Match at Climax Control 397. . .I would like to comment the match of Felix Hernandes versus Jack Daniels from Climax Control 396. I have known Felix for a long time and we worked together for a time in another Wrestling Federation. Although Jack Daniels won the match that does not take away from the wrestling abilities and talent of Felix. Although Felix did not win his match his performance was great. Keep your eyes focused on Felix Hernandez so that you can be entertained and thrilled by his wrestling talent.

Bill launches into his comments concerning his upcoming Dog Food Match against Justin Smith.

Bill:  Greetings from the Broadmoor World Arena in Colorado Springs, Colorado. For those of you who may be new to watching Sin City Wrestling I am Bill Barnhart and this beautiful woman next to me is my wife, and Manager, Bea Barnhart. Bea is also an active wrestler in Sin City Wrestling. The KING FOR A DAY, who is the Guy With A Cape, assigned me to a Dog Food Match against Justin Smith, where the winner is the first one to slam their opponent’s fact into dog food, I decided I would open my comments by holding a video call with our English Bulldog Iris on our laptop computer. Our neighbor, and good friend, Andrew, is doggy sitting Iris for us at our home in Lawrenceville, Georgia, so he will get her online for our video call in a moment.

Bea:  I know Iris misses us but it is difficult to travel with Iris as not all hotels allow pets to stay with you in your room. We felt it was better to leave Iris at home and have our friend and neighbor, Andrew, stay with her to take care of her, feed her, and take her for walks in the park.

Bill:  The video call has been connected and I made sure the network broadcasting my comments on my upcoming match will air our video call as it is taking place. From the indication I am getting from our assigned camera person the image of Iris should pop up on the screen now.

The image of Iris on the video call comes up on the screen.

Bill:  Hi Iris! How int he world are you doing? I know you miss Daddy a lot and I miss you too.

Bea:  Same here Iris. I miss you so much and I know you miss Mommy. Soon we will get a break and be able to come home and spend a week or more with you before we have to travel again.

Iris:  Whimper. Whine.

Bill:  I know how you feel Iris. We both miss you so much. But Daddy Bill has a surprise for you and Andrew already knows about it. I have a wrestling match at Climax Control 397 against Justin Smith. It is called a DOG FOOD MATCH and the winner is the first wrestler to slam their opponent’s face into the dog food.

Iris:  Bark. Growl. Snarl. *translation:  Why would you humans waste perfectly good dog food by slamming someone’s face into it?*

Bill:  Well, Iris, there are a lot of gimmick matches in the sport of wrestling and this one just happens to involve dog food. You can watch my match against Justin Smith on television. Andrew will make sure you can watch my entire match.

Bea:  Sorry we have to move on, Iris, but we have a limited amount of air time available so we have begin presenting specific information concerning Bill’s match at Climax Control 397. Thanks, Andrew, for taking care of Iris and keeping her feeling loved and protected.

Bill ends the video call and the image of Iris on our screen is taken off and we return to a shot of Bill and Bea in front of the wrestling ring at the Broadmoor World Arena in Colorado Springs, Colorado.

SPEAKING OF DOGS AND DOG FOOD

Bill:  I will be honest with you that feeding our English Bulldog Iris is a major chore. Why? Iris is a normal-size English Bulldog. The last time I weighed Iris she was 50 pounds. There are times when Iris isn’t feeling well and she eats less where she drops to around 45 pounds. Then there are other times when Iris turns out to be a bottomless pit and she eats so much that she can get up to 60 pounds.

Bea:  We try to maintain Iris at 50 pounds to help her avoid health issues from being overweight.

Bill:  With Iris we usually feed her Beneful dog food kibble. The way Iris practically inhales her food without chewing it much we found out he hard way that feeding her dog food that was bulky caused Iris to have a sour stomach and she often had a hard time to poop.

Bea:  We take good care of Iris. Now, Bill, it is time for you to launch into your comments concerning Justin Smith and your Dog Food match.

Bill:  We will begin our comments in a moment as I need to use the restroom quickly. I will be back shortly.

Bill excuses himself and the camera person informs the Network that Bill is taking care of business so they switch the broadcast over to commercials. A short time later Bill returns in front of the Wrestling Ring and the camera and the camera person informs the Network that Bill has returned so the Network switches back to the live broadcasting of Bill’s comments for his Dog Food match.

BILL COMMENTS ON HIS DOG FOOD MATCH AGAINST JUSTIN SMITH

Bill:  I will start with statistic information. Both myself and Justin are 6 feet four inches in height. I am 240 pounds and Justin is 250 pounds. What that means is I have the advantage in our match. After I made the claim that I have the advantage in our match the first thing that probably comes to your mind is that there is no advantage as our height and weight is equal and that you assume I don’t know what I’m talking about. I can hear the viewers, and Justin Smith, screaming WHATCHA TALKIN BOUT WILLLIS from the television sitcom Different Strokes. Don’t worry as I shall enlighten you.

Bea:  Tell them the truth Bill.

Bill:  So, Justin, would you like to tell me what in the hell you did to the Guy With A Cape to piss him off to the point that he assigned you to a Dog Food Match against me? I mean, come on, nobody ends up receiving an assignment against me with this type of stipulation unless they totally insulted, demeaned, and pissed off King Guy With A Cape. Damn!

Bea:  Damn! Indeed Bill!

Bill:  Justin we may be equal in height and weight but I have a huge advantage over you in wrestling skills and intelligence. You think you are tough while I know I am tough. You think you are intelligent while I carry a Genius level IQ of 130. I’ve watched enough of your matches to know you are slow, inept, off-balance, and hesitant, in your wrestling matches. All of those attributes cause you to be damaged goods and you cannot defeat me.

Bea:  Tell Justin what you told me about him being damaged goods.

Bill:  Justin Smith you are about as effective as a screen door on a submarine trying to stop water from getting into the submarine. You are about as effective as a NASCAR Race Car that has four flat tires and the Race Car is out of gas. You are less effective than a parachute that has rotting material on the parachute and the cords are frayed. You will be even less effective than those items against me in our Dog Food Match. There’s no way you can stop me from driving your face into a pile of dog food. Deal with that, Justin, as you have no other option than to deal with me beating you down and winning our match! But, Justin, if it makes you feel better I will try to win the match very quickly to end your suffering.

Bea:  Great comments Bill.

Bill:  I am done with my comments for my upcoming match at Climax Control 397. Thanks for joining us today. Bye!

After Bill’s final comment the camera person calls to the Network to let them know that Bill and Bea are done with their comments for Bill’s match at Climax Control 397. The Network quickly switches from that camera feed back to the regularly scheduled programming for this time slot.