OLD HISTORY AND NEW HISTORY
Narrator: Thanks for joining me today. We have a new wrestler in Sin City Wrestling. His name is Felix Hernandez. His nickname is FELIX THE CAT. He wrestled with Bill Barnhart way back in the days of Asylum Wrestling Alliance. With those comments out of the way I turn you over to Felix for his direct comments on his upcoming match in Sin City Wrestling.
When the broadcast comes on our screen we get a camera shot of Felix Hernandez, who has the nickname of FELIX THE CAT, sitting on his couch in his living room at his house in Athens, Georgia. The camera person assigned to Felix informs him that they are going live broadcasting right now so Felix launches into his comments.
BACKGROUND INFORMATIONs
Felix: Thank you for joining me at my home in Athens, Georgia. I am starting out my comments with background information so that you know who I am and where I used to work in the wrestling business. My name is Felix Hernandez. Growing up I loved watching the cartoon titled FELIX THE CAT. Although it was an old cartoon it was quite entertaining. Felix carried a bag with him that he called his MAGIC BAG OF TRICKS. When Felix got in a bind, or people were chasing him, or he was about to get injured, he would open his Magic Bag Of Tricks, reach inside, and when he pulled his hand out it always provided Felix it was always the item he needed to fend off the attack. So since my given name is Felix Hernandez, and I loved the FELIX THE CAT cartoon, I use the name Felix THE CAT Hernandez when I wrestle.
Felix is done presenting his first item of information.
Felix: I am friends with both Bill Barnhart and Bea Barnhart. I became friends with Bill when both of us worked in Asylum Wrestling Alliance. Bill held every Championship they had and I held several but not all of them. After Asylum Wrestling Alliance closed their doors me and Bill went to different wrestling federations with Bill finally ending up here in Sin City Wrestling. When Bill found out that I moved to the State of Georgia and that I am living in Athens, Georgia, which is about 40 miles East of Lawrenceville, Georgia, where Bill and Bea live Bill called me and now I am an active wrestler in Sin City Wrestling.
Felix flashes a smile into the camera.
Felix: As you know, if you read my Bio Sheet, that I am from Athens, Georgia. Athens is the home of the University of Georgia. They have held so many College Football National Championships that all the other teams are jealous. Want to know something really interesting? Several months ago all the football experts are already predicting that The Georgia Bulldogs of the University of Georgia will win the Championship this season also and this is way before the College Football season starts. Just like the Georgia Bulldogs continue to win games, and win Championships, you will watch me win wrestling matches, and win Championships, here in Sin City Wrestling.
Felix finishes his second item of information. He excuses himself to walk into the kitchen to get something to drink. He returns in front of the camera with a Classic Coke in his hand.
SPECIFIC COMMENTS
Felix: Now that I am done giving you background information on how I came to know Bill and Bea Barnhart I will now present information that is specific to my assignments here in Sin City Wrestling. The first item I wish to present is that Bea Barnhart is officially serving as my Manager in addition to her serving as Bill’s Manager. I know with Bea in my corner as my Manager that those wrestlers who want to interfere in my matches or attack me backstage that Bea is watching my back and will take them out.
Felix pauses his comments and takes a drink of his Classic Coke.
Felix: The next item I wish to present is that I am not one of the biggest wrestlers in the business, by size, but I am also not the smallest in the business. I am 6 feet tall and I weigh around 165 pounds as listed on my Bio sheet. I am 35 years of age which is 5 years younger than Bill Barnhart and one year older than Bea Barnhart. My alignment in wrestling in Sin City Wrestling is NEUTRAL. What that means is that I am in the middle between a FACE and a HEEL. That simply means that since I am in the middle I can lean either towards being a total FACE or a total HEEL depending on how my opponent acts.
Felix again pauses his comments to take a drink of Classic Coke.
Felix: The final general items I will present is my association with Bill and Bea Barnhart and general items concerning Sin City Wrestling. As I already mentioned Bea is not only the Manager for Bill but she serves as my Manager also. Since the regular Tag Team Division is in what I will call in an ON-HOLD status then teaming with Bill for a Men’s Tag Team match is not in our immediate future plans. However there is still the possibility of teaming with Bea in a Mixed Tag Team event. Did I come to Sin City Wrestling to challenge for Championships? Nope! I am not the type of wrestler who demands shots at Championships. When Sin City Wrestling Management feels they want me to challenge for a Championship such as the World Heavyweight Championship, Roulette Championship, or Internet Championship, then I will accept their offer.
SPECIFIC COMMENTS CONCERNING MY OPPONENT JACK DANIELS
Felix: Well, Jack, you seemed to have been selected to be my victim at Climax Control 396. I already told you where I used to work as a Wrestler. I already told you that I have held numerous Championships so obtaining Championship Gold is not a rare thing for me. I honestly don’t care that you are three inches taller than me and you carry 85 pounds more weight than I do. Your height will not be an advantage for you. Although you carrying 85 pounds more weight than I do, which means you may be able to maneuver me around somewhat the fact remains that I am quicker than you as I don’t have to carry extra weight around the ring.
Felix gives a thumbs-up into the camera.
Felix: Awwww...you don’t like it when I insult and demean you? To be honest I don’t care if you feel put down and insulted considering the vile comments you hurl around at everyone. If you want to hurl insults my way I could care less. But when you hurl insults on people who did nothing wrong. . .well. . .that crosses the line in my eyes. I’m not here in Sin City Wrestling to say nice things about opponents to appease their desire to be noticed by other wrestlers and fans. Too many wrestlers in Sin City Wrestling are just looking for attention because they know the fans don’t care about them. If you can take the good comments from others, but not the bad and insulting comments from others, then maybe you need to walk out the door and get out of the Wrestling business.
Felix stands up and walks to the front door of his house. He then opens the front door and while holding the door open with one hand he motions to the open doorway with his other hand.
Felix: Feel free to willingly walk out of the door of Sin City Wrestling if you can’t deal with negative comments. And once you have stepped through the door when you leave Sin City Wrestling I will make sure that I give you a hard kick in your ass and then slam the door into your ass!
Felix lets out a loud laugh.
Felix: What else would you like to know about me Jack? You can look at my Bio Sheet to see what moves and holds I have available. However you need to know that by looking at my Bio Sheet that I only listed half the information about myself. There’s a lot of information on moves and holds and several other things that you and the other wrestlers are not being told and you will find out what those other items are during matches against me.
Felix returns to the couch in his living room where he sits down on the couch to continue his comments. He picks up his can of Classic Coke and finishes drinking it. Felix then returns to looking into the camera to continue his comments.
FINAL COMMENTS
Felix: Well, Jack, what in the world are you thinking now that I got some comments sent your way? I make the assumption that you are upset because I am standing up to you and throwing your insults back into your face. On top of that you, along with everyone else, want to know what, if anything, I have in my Stainless-Steel Briefcase which I call my Magic Bag of Tricks. Sometimes it is better for a person to be ignorant of the facts than to know something they are not entitled to know and the facts would devastate them and drive them into insanity. So, Jack, there is a lot about me that you don’t need to know. Then again if you really want to know then come talk to me and I will tell you those devastating things and your head will explode.
Felix flashes a huge grin into the camera.
Felix: So what, if anything, do I have in my Stainless-Steel Briefcase? Inquiring minds want to know right? The briefcase might be empty. Then again it might not be empty. It might contain weapons. It might contain items that mentally disables my opponents. It might contain nothing so that I can drive others insane with them trying to figure out what is in my Briefcase. For damn sure I am not going to open the briefcase and reveal the contents while I am live broadcasting. For damn sure I am not going to bring my Stainless-Steel Briefcase to the ring for our match, open it up, and reveal to you what is inside of the Briefcase. Why am I being like that you ask? For eternity writers who write horror stories, or scripts for horror stories, have relied on a basic principal and that principal is to make the viewers think of what might happen rather than to flatly showing them what is going to happen to them anticipating that something is about to happen is far more terrifying than knowing what is about to happen.
Felix quickly stands up and gives a horror movie monster pose into the camera. He then lets out a sinister laugh before sitting down on the couch again.
Felix: Jack there are a few more things I want you to know. I do not fear anyone or anything. I may not be the biggest wrestler around but I more than make up for it with dedication, determination to the sport of wrestling, and a brilliant mind. You may have several good moves and holds but I have many better moves and many counters to your moves and holds. Facing me makes you, as my opponent, lose your confidence to the point where you will be moving away from me more than you try to move towards me. You will try every move and hold you have and I will counter every move and hold you try. Yes, Jackass. . .I mean Jack. . .I really am that awesome.
Felix gives two thumbs up after he delivers those demeaning comments towards Jack Daniels.
Felix: So, Jack, in closing I would like to comment that I’m glad we are opening Climax Control 396 with our match. This allows me to thrill the fans and put the scare into the other wrestlers who are watching while I easily destroy you. I am one of those wrestlers that other wrestlers tend to consider as a joke and that they feel they can easily take me on and defeat me. You all can dream on all you want. Your dreams will not come true as I am your worst nightmare! Why would I say that? Go watch several of Felix The Cat cartoons. Every time thugs, punks, or criminals, go on attack against Felix The Cat he opens his Bag Of Tricks and the Magic Bag Of Tricks always provides Felix The Cat with the perfect item with which to defeat the thugs, punks, or criminals. Think I cannot do the same as Felix The Cat? Pay attention during our match so you can watch and learn how I obtain and use what is necessary to win the match against you. Have a great time leading up to our match because once I soundly defeat you there will be no more great times for you.
Felix stands up and motions to the camera person to walk with him to the sidewalk in front of his house. When the two arrive on the sidewalk we notice there is a bottle of Jack Daniels and a Cat on a chair. Felix walks over to the chair then looks into the camera.
Felix: Jack. . .In closing I want to give you a demonstration. Everyone knows that when you hold a cat in your arms while holding your arms out in front of you, with the cat’s back facing the ground, when you drop the cat it will always manage to flip itself upright and land on their feet without injury. Please watch and learn.
Felix picks the cat up and turns the cat so the cat’s back is facing the sidewalk while holding the cat at arm’s length. He drops the cat and the cat flips and lands safely on the sidewalk. Felix does this with the cat two more times and the cat successfully turns upright and lands safely on the sideway those two additional times. Felix then looks into the camera while picking up a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Felix: Watch this and learn from it Jack.
Felix holds the bottle of Jack Daniels at arms length over the sidewalk. Felix then drops the bottle of Jack Daniels and the bottle slams into the sidewalk shattering into dozens of pieces and spilling all the whisky onto the sidewalk. Felix looks into the camera to comment.
Felix: So, Jack, what is the lesson you learned today? You learned that when a cat is dropped it will always land on their feet when dropped. You also learned that when you drop a bottle of Jack Daniels whisky onto a sidewalk it is shattered and broken and the whiskey is destroyed. Not a total loss though because Jack Daniels is literally one of the worst whisky on the market. So the lesson learned here is that cats are high quality and Jack Danials is cheap and low quality whiskey. So what you have is ME equals a high quality CAT and YOU equals broken bottle of Jack Daniels cheap whiskey. Lesson has been learned. Class dismissed!
Felix informs the camera person that he is done with his comments. The camera person calls into the Network to inform them that he will be cutting his camera feed. Then the camera person cuts their camera feed and our screen goes dark.
