Tennessee Whiskey plays softly in the back of a rather expensive hotel suite as a man in a large towel around his waist walks around the room after having taken a rather long shower. The man is checking his phone to see if he has received any messages before dropping it on the bed.
Man: Good Grief, I knew that Denver was a filthy town. But the dirt on my phone is really disgusting, I need another cleaning service to make sure I am not residing inside a shithole like this.
He reaches over towards a shirt, puts it over his impressive physique of his upper body before turning towards the closet in order to grab some boxers. Nonchalantly dropping his towel before putting on the boxers before turning his attention to whatever tights he is going to wear.
Man: So let me see, I got an interview with one desperate chick… So I guess these will do.
He reaches over towards a pair of knee high shorts before putting his feet inside a pair of flip flops before admiring himself in the mirror.
Man: Damn, I sure as hell am making Sponge Bob look good.
He smirks as he looks down at the blue shirt with the cartoon character imminently being portrayed. He lets his hands travel his flat stomach before turning his attention towards the door of his hotel suite and wanders off towards the elevator before travelling towards the hotel restaurant.
Man: Yup, clearly desperate.
There we see Pussy Willow putting the final touches to her makeup before dropping her makeup kit when noticing her appointment arrive to their table. She quickly runs her fingers through her hair, blushes as it is obvious to anyone that she has blatantly gawking at him before he takes a seat in front of her.
Man: Hi toots, can we please get this over with??
Pussy Willow: Yes of course Jack, let me just get prepared.
Jack Daniels: I would prefer you refer to me to the biggest star in this company, or at least Mr. Daniels. Because we aren’t on a equal level okay?
This causes Pussy Willow to blink, clearly not having anticipated this remark from the newest member of Sin City Wrestling.
Jack Daniels: Hello??? Earth to dumb broad, do we have contact???
He rolls his eyes as Willow snaps out of her deer that stares into the cars headlight state, looking down upon her notes with all the questions that she wants to ask him before nodding her head towards the camera crew.
Pussy Willow: Okay, are you guys ready??
She then gets the thumbs up before someone counts back from three to zero as Willow turns her attention back to Jack Daniels with a look of a professional reporter.
Pussy Willow: Welcome to the inside scope with Pussy Wilow, today we have an in depth interview with one of the newest signees to Sin City Wrestling in Jack Daniels.
She smiles politely while biting on her lower lip for a second or two while looking up and down his impressive physique.
Pussy Willow: Mr. Daniels, I want to thank you for agreeing to this interview. How do you feel about performing in Sin City Wrestling??
Jack Daniels shakes his head before turning his attention towards the camera crew as he puts his hand up.
Jack Daniels: CUT!!!
He then turns his attention towards Pussy Willow and is clearly not amused.
Jack Daniels: Look Willow, I bet you are a decent reporter and stuff. But if you want to know how I am doing right now then I would suggest you look up on my social media network, because I have a special section that I use to keep the millions of dork ass fans entertained by posting an either happy smile or a sleeping one. Because that’s what they all care about, but I am here to talk about important things.
Pussy Willow: Well, I did ask you how you feel about being part of Sin City Wrestling??
He sighs as he shakes his head
Jack Daniels: Why don’t you give me your cards and let me pick out the questions that you should be asking me.
Willow hesitantly hands him the cue cards, he flips throught hem before throwing half of the cards away before grabbing a pen and writes down some questions before handing them back to Willow.
Jack Daniels: There you go, now you will show the world the true potential of being a reporter.
He gives her a cheesy smile and winks before Willow swallows a bit before looking down upon the cards.
Pussy Willow: Dear Mr. Daniels, why is it that you should be the highest paid wrestler in the world???
She looks back up towards him, witnessing him taking a sip from a glass of whiskey while raising his eyebrows before placing the glass back upon the table.
Jack Daniels: Good question sweet cakes, I will explain to you why. So if I were Mr. Underwood and Ward I would take notes, because they don’t want to hear from my lawyer in the morning.
He smirks for a second before turning his attention back to the written down question.
Jack Daniels: So I understand that your lack of intellect would assume that the current world champion should be the highest paid entity of the company. Right??
Pussy Willow: Uh, yeah right.
Jack Daniels: WRONG!!! Because let’s be honest, the jerk off that is currently holding that championship has got the charisma of a near sighted chihuahua. He has got one liners that quite honestly bores me to death, it gives you pimples
Pussy Willow: WHAT??!!!
Willow reaches her hands towards her face while grabbing the makeup kit to check her face out with the small mirror.
Jack Daniels: Trust me, that shit won’t cover up that problem even if you tried to dump your face into acid sweetheart. But that’s beside the point, I understand that his normal wages would be like minimum but that championship fee would allow him to stay above bankruptcy. Just imagine what the company would have to pay when I finally put some shine to that leather strap of his.
Pussy Willow drops her makeup kit as she realizes that she has to be a professional.
Pussy Willow: Err, yes… I….
But Jack Daniels holds up his hand in order to stop her from continuing her stammering.
Jack Daniels: But they need to hurry up and hand me that championship opportunity on a silver platter, I mean seriously. I have to open up a mediocre show by facing captain caveman??
Pussy Willow: Felix “The Cat” Hernandez is a rather highly respected wrestler Jack..
Jack Daniels raises an eyebrow in annoyance as that catches Willows attention.
Pussy Willow: I mean Mr. Daniels.
Jack Daniels: That’s better, but to respond to your remark…
He coughs out loud before spitting on the floor as he turns his attention back towards Pussy Willow.
Jack Daniels: That’s what I think of Felix his experience, seriously. If I had a Dollar every time that someone told me that he has completed every level on Mario Bros Cart than I would be a jerkoff that’s cross eyed. But I get it, we apparently are a circus that likes to entertain the crowd with clowns and animals. I mean seriously, a Bulldog lover and now a cat lover??? What’s next?? We are going to experience two ants waging wars on who can crawl up inside the ass crack of the guy people call the Troll.
Pussy Willow: But…,
Jack Daniels: Did I tell you that you could interrupt me?? NO I DIDN’T!! So shut up and educate yourself!! Because I am perfection, I am the guy that Underwood and Ward have been wanting for years without even knowing it. But when you hire perfection then there’s a price tag that you need to pay and lets be honest, I was a reasonable man when they approached me for taking a minor pay cut. But when I opened my bank account this morning I realized that they weren’t joking when they said that they are having a minor financial dip. Hell, they could not even pay for my manicure that I take every single Friday!!
Willow is unable to respond as the rant continues.
Jack Daniels: So I figured fine, I will take a full 150 percent of every merch ever being sold of every superstar on the roster of this company. Only to realize that they don’t have got anything to market, do you know how that looks like for a business man like me?? No wait, don’t bother trying to answer that question as I have realized you haven’t outgrown your sweet sixteen era in the hopes of ever meeting the prince in shiny armour while being dragged around on his steed. And before you ask, that’s a difficult word for a worthless horse alright!!!
Pussy Willow: Uhm.
Jack Daniels: But then at least I figured that I would have gottent he opportunity to headlight the shit show, only to notice that I am booked in the opening match against a washed up has been of a nobody. So to the owners of this company? I am sure as hell going to demand to pay me for any mental health problems I may endure in the near or far future, but I doubt that they have paid their insurance company in the last years.
He turns his attention towards the camera with an urgent look on his face.
Jack Daniels: So all of you local runts, bear with me and donate all the scrappy money that you can spare on my Gofund page.
He turns his attention towards Willow, who is still startled
Jack Daniels: And quite honestly Willow, I am appalled to see you dress up like a drunk.
Pussy Willow: EXCUSE ME??? I am not the one that walks out as if he is a trailer park trash!!!
Jack Daniels: Oh wow, I hope that Felix writes that down. Because I have quite a feeling that his verbal offence will still be at the level of me being a bad man. I mean, that is the way they talked to others back in the fifties right???
Willow looks puzzled
Pussy Willow: Err….,
Jack Daniels: Never mind, I will come up with something to educate this old man. I will explain to him that there is something else to do than crapping out simple minded one liners that nobody listens to in this modern era.
He slowly rises from his seat as Willow looks up towards him with a puzzled look on her face.
Jack Daniels: I am sorry sweetheart, but frankly? I really don’t give a damn what you came up with for future questions or even those who I came up with. I need to get myself prepared for a wonderful sauna and massage from hopefully the least ugly twin sister of The Joker who plays for a local basketball club.
He takes a deep breath while whispering something in the hope that nobody will hear it.
Jack Daniels: I just hope that the date that I have tonight does not have the same deer staring into the headlights kind of look, because this chick sure as hell cannot match her looks to her brain cells that she got packing.
Pussy Willow: Oh thanks…., wait… HEY!!!!
But Jack Daniels has already left the restaurant before Pussy Willow could finally realize what he was referring to. She looks around angered before taking a sip from Jack Daniels drink, realizing that it was the heaviest glass of whiskey that she has ever drank.
Pussy Willow: Damn, I hope that this guy is as good inside the ring as this drink.
The camera’s catch up with Jack Daniels, who is walking up towards the elevator as he is heading back towards the hotel suite that he is staying.
Jack Daniels: You aren’t seriously going to tell me that you are going to share this elevator with me right??
But Jack doesn’t await the answer from the camera crew as he steps in and turns around.
Jack Daniels: Fine!! But just know that I am going to kick you out of my hotel suite if you even consider setting foot inside it.
The camera man lifts the camera up and down as into agreeing with Jack Daniels before stepping in. The camera zooms in on Jack, who suddenly threatens to head butt the camera as if to say he is coming in too close. This causes him to zoom out again as Jack hums along the tuen that is being played inside the elevator before stepping outside the elevator as it has reached the top level of the hotel.
Jack Daniels: Lets get that beauty nap before I have to dress up for that charity dinner. Yeah that’s right folks, Jack Daniels is the type of guy that is willing to spend thirty minutes to an hour of my life that I will never get back because some broad is willing to waste her money in being entertained, entertained in a way that she will never forget. So do me a favour, go back to whatever you were doing before you are going to be finding yourself outside of someone’s balcony and drop you like a bad habit, just like I did to that Willow chick.
With that he winks at the camera before heading off to the hotel suite as the shot fades
How to make a litle kitten purr, purr, purr….
The shot opens up inside Dazzle Denver, a Jazz Club in Denver, Colorado. There we see a Jazz Quartet play some classic jazz. There we see a man seated at a table in the corner along with a beautiful woman as they are having a conversation while enjoying the music.
Woman: So you are passing through Denver? Are you a business man??
Her gaze roams all over his rather impressive physique, something that would be rather difficult to hide underneath the rather expensive jacket. His fingers are tapping around the edge of the crystal glass that is almost empty except for the small amount of whiskey. He turns his gaze towards the blonde woman, smiling as he nods his head politely.
Man: Business man?? Yeah, something lie that.
The woman places her elbows upon the table, resting her chin on her hands as we can see a twinkle in her eyes.
Woman: Interesting, I just love a man.
She stops halfway her sentence as she seductively licks lips before finishing her sentence.
Woman: That likes to take charge.
The two share a few words while the man pours some more whiskey in both of their glasses, this goes on for a few more moments before the woman excuses herself as she heads over towards the ladies room as the man admires her seductive walk before turning his attention towards the camera for the very first time.
Man: Welcome to fucking Denver, Colorado. A city that could be compared to a helium balloon, making it harder to compete at the thin oxygen level. A perfect scenario to sperate the men from the boys. But in my case separating the men from a generic caveman. It’s as if I see a love child gone wrong when classic Magnum PA and Higgins had too much of the bourbon while enjoying the sunset at the Hawaiian beach.
The man shakes his head before rolling his eyes, clearly annoyed over the fact that he is discussing about someone that he considers to be underneath his level.
Man: I thought I had seen it all when I was back at school, being taught that ancient creatures like dinosaurs and sabretooth tigers are extinct, but when I laid my eyes upon a picture of Felix “The Cat” Hernandez made me realize that I needed an extra injection to protect myself from rabies and fleas and whatever crawling things that is hiding behind that moustache. Fuck, I am going to demand that Sin City Wrestling is going to send an exterminator to kill whatever moths that are housing there.
The man brushes his fingers through his impressive hair, turning his eyes towards the camera as he puts the glass of whiskey towards his lips.
Man: Hmmm, that tastes so good. Oh before I gallantly forget, let me introduce myself. I am THE newest signee in Sin City Wrestling, overshadowing each and every fucking prospect that has come and gone through the doors of this class B company. I mean, sure it is fun to identify yourself with every deadly sin that has ever been imagined by someone that has a thing with the super natural.
He sighs as he nods his head and smirks.
Man: My name is Jack Daniels, oh yeah just like the grade A whiskey that drives men to drunks and women desperate to find out whether I am as smooth as Tennessee Whiskey and as sweet as as strawberry wine. And all I got to say Felix, is that the woman that can handle the class A smoothness that I bring to the game has not even born yet. That includes Denver’s own Barbie…., or was it Tina??
He scratches the back of his neck while talking to himself, trying to remember the name of the blonde before shrugging his shoulders.
Jack Daniels: Whatever, it is not like you will understand the position that I am in Felix. Because the only advances you may have had was from the local skunk that you came across when you were lost inside the desert hasn’t it?? I mean, a thin white stripe would look better across your back then the common yellow streak that causes you to crap down your stinking pants old timer.
He sips from the glass of Jack Daniels, letting out a sigh before nodding his head as he pours some more in the same glass.
Jack Daniels: So who am I to talk all this mumbo jumbo towards a man that took his entire identity from an ancient cartoon character, a weak rip off version of Tom or Garfield, well I will gladly educate YOU and every jackass that is in this company.
He unbuttons the top button of his blouse as he takes another sip from his glass of whiskey.
Jack Daniels: First of all, I have been a multi time kickboxing champion, I have been in this profession before until I got bored. Bored I tell you, because when I looked across every opponent that I have squashed I only noticed that there were only poor rip offs of me. It’s like comparing Jack Daniels to some syrup that I am sure old timers like you like to take hours to drip inside that mouth of yours as cats sure love to lick right??
He winks into the camera before continuing.
Jack Daniels: No, I am not going to apologize for the weak ass comparisons that I am God’s gift to every fucking woman out there, while your dream date is scratching your back against some scratching post that you cats cant resist. Just like some catnip right??
Jack Daniels lifts his hand, pretends to drop some tiny pieces of catnip on the floor while smirking like crazy.
Jack Daniels: You may not tell, even though I have been told that cats have eyes that can see through wall and shit. But underneath this jacket there are muscles upon muscles that you have not even thought was possible. I am a machine inside the ring and in the gym. There has not been a damn athlete out there that could keep up with me, let alone a cartoon reject like you.
Jack Daniels watches the jazz band, raises his glass in appreciation to their music as he continues to talk without taking his eyes from the band.
Jack Daniels: You see Felix, I am going to make an example out of you. I am going to put the entire spotlight upon these broad shoulders of mine, showing the world that I am more than enough to carry this entire franchise on these mountains of muscles that are born and bred from the state of Tennessee.
Jack Daniels cocks his left eye towards the camera, showing no inch of emotion.
Jack Daniels: I know what you are thinking, what good has ever come from Tennessee huh?? And the first thing that could be resembled as an idea is where a fat guy died on the toilet who owned some fucking home called Graceland. Well I am sorry flea ball, I am not the type of guy that shakes his hips and sings like a clown on steroids. I am the real deal, I am the type of guy that beats down someone to oblivion until you beg me to personally bring you to the retirement home the very same night. And the only reason why I will ever comply to dinosaurs like you is to make sure that they will throw away the key to your home, making sure that there isn’t any possibility that you can run off and somehow multiply with other flea balls!!!
Jack Daniels: But no, don’t worry little kiddo’s. Uncle Jack is going to prevent your worst nightmares to ever come true, because I am going to drive these knuckles into his forehead.
He closes his hands into two big time impressive fists as his stare gets colder and colder by the second.
Jack Daniels: Fuck, I need a warmup to begin with before I actually consider challenging someone that is worth my time to break a sweat. But I guess everyone is entitled to his fifteen minutes of fame, even if it is someone that his parents must have hated so much to name him Felix. I mean seriously Felix, was the name of Boo taken???
He grabs the glass of Whiskey and raises it in front of his eyes.
Jack Daniels: The only good thing for me to be the opening match inside a dump like this, is the fact that I will be the first to enter the first plane and head over to something more suitable to my taste. Oh I know, I should go and fly over to Disney World and watch the parade of successful cartoon character where losers like you are being screened to perform for puking kids and their parents.
Jack Daniels: That does not include you bub, because I have officially managed to obtain a VHS tape consisting all of your best matches. Now first of all, I have not even had a clue that those VHS players still existed in the modern era of streaming services. But the mere fact that I had to watch real close, because amongst all of those rip off strippers from Tijuana, Mexico it was hard to identify anything that resembled anywhere close to what I can do inside those ropes.
He slowly rises from his seat, straightening his jacket as he shows his rather expensive Rolex before he continues to talk.
Jack Daniels: I take pride in crushing hopes and dreams of those who either try desperately to escape the rough life of the Independent scene, or those who claim that they deserve every fucking opportunity to be the top dog in whatever company. And you know what the best part of it all is?? They will always come crawling back on their hands and feet while begging for more, something that I am sure you will do the same Felix. Because that’s your problem, you are just as addicted to this game of wrestling like you are to a nice plate of milk.
He smirks as he extends his arms before cracking his neck from left to right.
Jack Daniels: Because I am as smooth as Tennessee Whiskey, my every move flows like perfection as if you are listening to that Jazz Band playing. Because you cannot anticipate whatever move I will do next because just like a great Jazz song I am the most unpredictable human being out there. HELL, I am a machine just like I told you already a few moments ago. And I am gearing up to tell you and everyone else out there the truth. You can’t break me, you can’t compete with me and you can’t outshine me. Face it Felix, you got no chance in hell to beat me like Amber has a chance in hell to finally end up inside my bed as I have no desire to rock her world all the way back to Tennessee.
Jack Daniels: Face it old timer, I am doing you and everyone in the arena a favour by putting them through your in ring debut in Sin City Wrestling as well as your farewell match. And when I allow the official to raise my hand in victory I will tell him to f off after two seconds, because I don’t want to run the risk of letting my perfect body to crumble under the weight of lesser beings. One is bad enough already, so get ready Bub… I am going to make people forget you faster than I have already forgotten that Jezebel that is trying to pout those red lips of hers and practice to receive her very first kiss while being half your age.
He winks at the camera before finishing the glass and drops some money on the table as a tip
Jack Daniels: Something that will never happen just like you ever beating Felix, so go and curl up on whatever pillow you can find and cry yourself to sleep. Because I am a nightmare waiting to happen in a few more days.
He finally walks off as the shot fades to darkness.
