A DOG COLLAR MATCH IS MY TYPE OF MATCH
Narrator: For those of you who either don’t know. . .or you are too damn stupid to remember this type of information. . .Bill Barnhart has probably participated in more Dog Collar matches than any other wrestler. That tells me that Justin Smith is in way over his head in this match against Bill Barnhart.
AT THE HOTEL ROOM OF BILL BARNHART LOCATED NEAR THE DENVER COLISEUM IN DENVER, COLORADO
When the scene opens we get a camera shot of Bill and Bea Barnhart in their hotel room located near the Denver Coliseum in Denver, Colorado, where Bill is assigned to a Dog Collar Match against Justin Smith who was one of the four participants in the Golden Briefcase match at December 2 Dismember V. Bill and Bea smile into the camera then their comments for Bill’s upcoming match begin.
Bill: To Justin Smith let me enlighten you. Yes you were in the Golden Briefcase match with me at December 2 Dismember V, but neither of us were able to obtain the Golden Briefcase. I came closest to obtaining the Golden Briefcase but it was Rodrigo Afonso grabbed the Golden Briefcase first. Oh well stuff like that happens and it happened to the three of us when Rodrigo obtained the Golden Briefcase.
Bea: It was a great match and I thought Bill was going to get the Golden Briefcase but sometimes wrestling matches turn out different than what you expected.
Bill: Justin let me inform the viewers how we measure up against each other in our upcoming match. I stand in at 6 feet 4 inches and 240 pounds and you stand in at 6 feet 5 inches and 250 pounds. You may be smiling right now and thinking that being nearly even in height and weight with me will work to your advantage. Nice line of thinking, Justin, but your thought process is flawed. The deciding factor in this match is not our height and weight. The deciding factor in our match is that I love Dog Collar matches and I’ve been in more Dog Collar matches than probably all the male wrestlers in Sin City Wrestling combined. If that doesn’t give you a reason to worry about our upcoming match that either you are an idiot or a fool as a Dog Collar match is my favorite type of match. I would wish you good luck in our match but I figured why waste a wish on something that will never happen?
Bea: I can confirm that Bill’s favorite type of wrestling match is a Dog Collar match. Bill loves this type of match as it allows him to beat down opponents and his opponents cannot get away from him due to being joined by each wearing a dog dollar and their collars are attached by a chain. And, yes, Justin, that chain can and will be used as a weapon by Bill on you.
Bill: Justin there’s one more item I wish to discuss before I move on to other items concerning wrestling. I feel that where a person comes from means a lot in the real world. I see you come from the State of New York. Yeah, okay, you don’t come from New York City where the majority of jerks come from but you are from the State of New York. I grew up in Oakland, California in the 1980’s and 1990’s. Although at that time Oakland, California, was becoming a worse place to live it still ranked better than at any time during the existence of New York. Me and Bea moved to the State of Georgia in August 2012 and this is where we have enjoyed living since that time. However I’m here to tell you that with my dislike of people from New York you need to come into our match knowing that I don’t like you. . .I probably never will like you. . .and I have a desire to hurt and destroy you. And what better type of match can I ask for than a Dog Collar match where we are attached by a steel chain attached to the Dog Collars which are strapped around our necks? I’m so excited that we have this upcoming match so that I can prove my superiority over you.
BILL AND BEA TAKE A SHORT BREAK FOR A VIDEO CALL WITH IRIS THEIR ENGLISH BULLDOG WHO REMAINED AT HOME IN LAWRENCEVILLE, GEORGIA WHILE THEY TRAVELED TO DENVER FOR CLIMAX CONTROL 381
Bill and Bea inform the camera person that they have a pre-scheduled video call with Iris, their English Bulldog, who remained at their home in Lawrenceville, Georgia, and she is being taken care of by their friend and neighbor, Andrew, while they are traveling with Sin City Wrestling. The camera person acknowledges this and the Network connects to the video call Bill and Bea are conducting with Iris and we can see both laptop computers so we have a view of Bill, Bea, and Iris.
Bill: Hi Iris! How’s my baby girl?
Iris: Woof! Bark! Whine!
Bill: The translation of what Iris said is roughly translated as she is doing somewhat okay but she misses me and Bea, who are Daddy Bill and Mommy Bea to Iris, and that she misses talking and having dates with Senor Vinnie’s friend Pete The Cactus.
Bea: Iris you know that we set boundaries concerning you and Pete The Cactus. You know that having video calls with him, and physically going out on a date with Pete, are only allowed when me and Daddy Bill are there with you. So you have to put your urges behind you and stop whining.
Iris: Whimper. . .Moan. . .Snort!
Bill: Loosely translated Iris stated that she feels deprived not being able to see Pete The Cactus and go on dates with him. Her moaning was her way of saying she knows why we put restrictions on her and Pete The Cactus. Her snort was her way of protesting the restrictions we put on her. Sorry Iris. . .just deal with it as you have no other choice.
Bea: We will be back home soon Iris. Enjoy your time with our neighbor, Andrew, as he loves you and takes care of you while we are traveling. Talk with you again shortly Iris. Bye!
The video call between Bill and Bea with Iris is done and the call is ended. The camera person then has full control of his camera by the Network and Bill picks up his comments from where he had to stop to conduct the video call with Iris.
ANALOGIES. . .DEMEANING SAYINGS. . .ETC. . .
Bill: As most of you know, or should know, I am often referred to as THE ANALOGY KING. . .THE KING OF DEMEANING SAYINGS. . .and I’m here to offer up a few of them for your enjoyment and enlightenment the viewers and my next opponent Justin Smith.
Bea: What is your first item to present?
Bill: The first one is a statement most people should already know. It goes THAT PERSON IS SO DAMN STUPID THEY CANNOT TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THEIR ASSHOLE AND A HOLE IN THE GROUND. Justin that statement is for you. You couldn’t tell the difference between your asshole and a hole in the ground. Being that you are that stupid how can you possible dare to compare yourself to me as a wrestler?
Bea: What is your next item to present?
Bill: This one is also fitting for our upcoming match. DON’T HIT A HORNET’S NEST. Justin I am like a Hornet’s nest in that I am full of speed, agility, and a low tolerance for stupid people. In case you have never seen someone either hit a Hornet’s nest with a stick. . .or throw rocks at the Hornet’s nest. . .or they try to smoke out the Hornet’s nest. . .let me tell you what happens when idiots try those things against the Hornets. The Hornets get mad. . .extremely mad. . .and all the Hornets in the nest. . .and there are a lot of them in a nest. . .come out and aggressively attack the person attacking their nest. Add to the conflict the fact that, unlike regular Bees who lose their stinger when they sting someone, a Hornet’s stinger stays attached to their body and each Hornet can sting you multiple times. So the comparison between me and you in our upcoming match is like a confrontation with Hornets. If you stir me up, like stirring up Hornets by attacking their nest, then as with the Hornets I will attack you, beat you down, and sting the hell out of you. Doesn’t that sound like fun Justin? Well it damn sure sounds fun to me!
Bea: Do you have another analogy or statement to present for the education of Justin Smith?
Bill: Thanks for asking Bea. Yes I do have one additional item I wish to mention for the education of Justin Smith. Justin there is a saying that someone who is incompetent and stupid that they are AS USELESS AS A SCREEN DOOR ON A SUBMARINE and for damn sure that saying fits you perfectly. Just as a screen door on a Submarine will allow water inside the submarine and it will sink to the bottom of the ocean so you are open to all that I throw your way dragging you down down down to where I win our match is one-sided, with me on the winning side, and I walk away with a smile on my face while you try to hide your tears flowing down your face from taking a loss to me.
Bea: Great comments Bill. Are you ready to make closing comments?
Bill: Yep!
CLOSING COMMENTS
Bill: Justin please understand that I don’t hate you. Please understand that I don’t want to beat you down so hard that you have to early retire from Wrestling. I don’t want to hurt you to the point where you are afraid to step into the wrestling ring again even if your match is against a Jobber. Other than entering matches against my half-brother Chris Shipman, I have never gone into wrestling matches with the intent to break arms and legs of opponents or otherwise damage them to the point where they make the decision to leave the sport of Wrestling rather than getting hurt and damaged again. I am a fair and honest person and wrestler However, Justin, you need to know that I have more tricks up my sleeve than a Magician has. Remember that when it comes to facing another wrestler. . .anyone. . .then I always go into the match with the intention of winning the match even if it means my opponent gets hurt in the process. Are you man enough to step into the wrestling ring with me at Climax Control 381 and give it all you’ve got or will you get half way to the ring and chicken out and return to your dressing room and hide behind the couch? Your decision to make. I’ll be waiting for you in the ring. Have a nice day Justin.
Bea informs the camera person that Bill is done with his comments on his upcoming Dog Collar Match against Justin Smith. The camera person cuts their camera feed and the Network returns to regularly scheduled programming for this time slot.
