[Andrew]

WHO THE HELL IS AH FON SO?

Narrator:  Okay. Okay. Okay. I had a conversation will Bill Barnhart before I came on camera to present my opening comments. I understand that Bill Barnhart has been making fun of his opponent, Rodrigo Afonso by playing word games with his name. Nothing like Bill Barnhart having a little bit of fun leading into his match against Rodrigo Afonso for Climax Control 374. I now turn you over to Bill Barnhart in Vallejo as he and Bea get ready for Bill’s match in San Francisco for Climax Control 374.

BILL AND BEA BARNHART IN VALLEJO, CALIFORIA

The scene shifts to a shot of Bill and Bea Barnhart at a house in Vallejo, which is near Napa, California. We’re wondering why they’re in Vallejo instead of staying at a hotel in San Francisco near the Bill Graham Civic Auditorium. We notice a man and woman with Bill and Bea and we hope Bill will let us know who they are. Bill acknowledges the camera person and then he and Bea begin their comments for Bill’s upcoming match at Climax Control 374 against Rodrigo Afonso.

Bill:  Thank to everyone who has tuned in to hear my comments concerning my match at Climax Control 374, in San Francisco, at the Bill Graham Civic Center. I’m wondering who my opponent is because I think his name is AL FON SO so my question is WHO THE HELL IS AL FON SO? Yeah, okay, I’m having fun at the expense of my upcoming opponent. Har har har!!

Bill laughs for a time before he continues with his comments.

Bill:  As you see me and Bea are not at our home in Lawrenceville, Georgia, and we’re not at the Bill Graham Civic Auditorium, and we’re not at our hotel in San Francisco. We’re at the home of my Niece and Nephew, Kathy and Ken North, in Vallejo, California. When they found out Sin City Wrestling was coming to San Fracisco, and that I was wrestling at this event, Ken and Kathy asked if we could get them great seats as me and Bea did in Los Angeles and San Diego for the son and daughter in-law of our neighbor and friend, Andrew, in Lawrenceville, Georgia. Of course we could and we have done so as Ken and Kathy have been wrestling fans since they were children. Ken. . .Kathy. . .as we did for Ador and Anna, the son and daughter in-law of our neighbor and friend in Lawrenceville, Georgia, we have reserved two front-row seats for you. We want you to enjoy the show and watch your Uncle Bill kick Rodrigo Afonso’s ass!

Kathy:  Thank you Uncle Andy. You know that me and Ken have been wrestling fans since we were young kids.

Ken:  We’re looking forward to the exciting wrestling and most of all to watch you make short work of Rodrigo Afonso.

Kathy:  We will remain quiet from here out Uncle Bill. We don’t want to take away from you presenting your comments for your upcoming match.

Ken and Kathy excuse themselves and move into one of the other rooms of their house so they will not interfere with the comments Bill and Bea are airing. Bill and Bea turn to focus into the camera again.

HOW DO BILL BARNHART AND RODRIGO AFONSO MEASURE UP?

Bea:  Before I present the statistics on how Bill and Rodrigo measure up in their match I wish to inform those of you who were not watching Climax Control 373 that I defeated Harper Mason by pinfall. Of course, as always happens, some people have stepped forward to accuse me of grabbing the wrestling tights of Harper for an illegal pin. Yeah. . .yeah. . .yeah. . .keep up with the false accusations and Karma will come and get you!

Bill:  I watched your match Bea and I didn’t see you do anything that would cause your pinfall win to be tainted. Well done on the win Sweetheart!

Bea:  Okay. . .getting back to how Bill and Rodrigo measure up in this match. Bill is 6 feet 4 inches and 240 pounds while Rodrigo Afonso is 5 feet six inches and 170 pounds. Giving up 10 inches of height, and 70 pounds of weight, to Bill is. . .well. . .overwhelmingly difficult to overcome. Sorry, Rodrigo, but you are falling short in many ways in your match against Bill.

WHAT DOES A WISHING WELL HAVE TO DO WITH THIS MATCH?

Bill:  As most of you know I grew up in Oakland, California, and moved to the State of Georgia in August 2012. One of my favorite places to go while I was growing up was to Knowland Park which is a nice park off of Golf Links Road in Oakland and they also have a Zoo. Since we’re in the San Francisco Bay Area for Climax Control 374 I took a trip to Knowland Park. I noticed they now have a Wishing Well installed. I decided to have a bit of compassion on my opponent, Rodrigo Afonso, so I walked over to the Wishing Well and dropped a Quarter into it. My wish at the Wishing Well is that although I know I will have an extremely easy win over Rodrigo Afonso I also wished that I do not hurt Rodrigo so badly that he will have to retire from the sport of wrestling. See? Everyone thinks I’m a jerk and don’t care about my opponents but they can see by my gesture at the Wishing Well that I wish no serious damage to Rodrigo Afonso as my opponent at Climax Control 374.

Bea:  Oh, Bill, I wish I was able to go with you to Knowland Park and see you do your thing at the Wishing Well. I was so excited to meet your Niece and Nephew, Kathy and Ken, that I wanted to stay with them to get to know them well. I know you grew up in Oakland so I wanted you to be free to travel to the places you wanted to go to in order to relive some memories from your youth.

FANTASY ISLAND PARODY

Bill:  Most of you know, or you should know, that I enjoy having fun in the sport of wrestling and occasionally I do a parody skit to help people smile and understand how awesome I am as a wrestler and how pathetic my opponents are. This parody skit is a Fantasy Island skit and I hired actors to portray Mister Roarke, his assistant Tattoo, and my opponent Rodrigo Afonso. Enjoy the parody skit and I’ll return to make comments after you watch the short parody skit.

The Network starts broadcasting the videos of the short parody skit of Fantasy Island that Bill gave to them. We see the actors portraying Mister Roarke and Tattoo on Fantasy Island, and there is a sea plane approaching, and we hear Tattoo utter his trademarked line.

Actor Portraying Tattoo:  DA PLANE! DA PLANE!

The actor portraying Mister Roarke pats the actor portraying Tattoo on the shoulder as the sea plane lands on the water and docks at the pier. The actors portraying Mister Roarke and Tattoo greet the guests as they get off the plane. The last guest to debark from the plane is a short man, maybe around 5 feet 6 inches, and not very heavy or muscular.

Actor Portraying Mister Roarke:  I have checked all the guests off the list except for one. I take it you are Rodrigo Afonso?

Actor Portraying Rodrigo Afonso:  Yes I am. You must be Mister Roarke and this little guy (pointing to Tattoo) must be your assistant Tattoo.

Actor Portraying Tattoo:  Don’t get cute with me just because I am a Dwarf do you hear me! Just because I am a small person doesn’t mean I cannot kick your ass! Look at yourself! You’re pretty small to be a professional wrestler! I hear you have a match against Bill Barnhart so you need a miracle to hang with Bill Barnhart for more than five minutes before you take the loss to him!

The actor portraying Rodrigo Afonso starts arguing with Tattoo and Tattoo is deflecting his comments as nothing affects Tattoo too much. Mister Roarke tells the two to shut up while he discusses the visit of Rodrigo to Fantasy Island.

Actor Portraying Mister Roarke:  Tattoo you go to our office and take care of registering the other guests while I have a chat with Mister Afonso.

Tattoo turns and walks to the Fantasy Island office as directed by Mister Roarke. The actor portraying Mister Roarke has a conversation with the actor portraying Rodrigo Afonso.

Actor Portraying Mister Roarke:  What do you expect that I can do for you here on Fantasy Island?

Actor Portraying Rodrigo Afonso:  I want you to give me the overwhelming ability and skills to defeat Bill Barnhart at Climax Control 374. I am coming into the match 10 inches shorter and 70 pounds lighter than Bill Barnhart so I want you to give me something that slides me ahead of Bill Barnhart so I can win the match.

Actor Portraying Mister Roarke:  Apparently you did not read the extensive legal agreement I sent to you, to read and sign, that you acknowledge what we can, and cannot do, here on Fantasy Island. Me and my Staff can help you to find courage, strength, or abilities, that you didn’t know that you had. But from what I know of you I know that you lack the courage, strength, abilities, and the size, to take on and defeat a seasoned veteran wrestler such as Bill Barnhart who is extremely accomplished. I am sorry but we here at Fantasy Island cannot perform miracles. We can only assist people to find their inner abilities and hone those inner abilities to their benefit. Since you have the wrong concept of what we are able to do here at Fantasy Island I must turn down your request. With that said please get back on the plane and return to the mainland. I will have my staff issue you a full refund, plus 20 percent, to compensate you for not being able to be helped here on Fantasy Island.

The Actor portraying Rodrigo Afonso is about to argue with Mister Roarke over the decision but then he realizes that arguing with Mister Roarke is futile. The Actor portraying Rodrigo Afonso gets back onto the sea plane and we watch as the plane takes off to return to the mainland.

Actor Portraying Mister Roarke:  *sigh* Some people want to come to Fantasy Island and have a gift handed to them. They fail to thoroughly read the legal agreement that legally states we on Fantasy Island cannot perform miracles. . .we can only help guests realize that what they want to achieve is within them and and until they can find their inner success on their own then nobody else can give it to them. *sigh*

The Actor portraying Mister Roarke walks to the Fantasy Island Office and Tattoo asks him if they were able to help the last guest Rodrigo Afonso. The Actor portraying Mister Roarke starts to explain what happened with the final guest who was asked to leave Fantasy Island. As the two walk out of camera view they continue discussing that guest’s request and the reason they had to deny their request.<

The scene returns to a shot of Bill and Bea Barnhart.

Bill:  There you have it! Not all guests on Fantasy Island are able to have their wishes granted. If a person cannot find what they need inside of them for damn sure they cannot expect the Staff at Fantasy Island to be able to give them something they don’t already possess. All the Staff at Fantasy Island are able to do is try to get guests to realize what they are looking for is inside of them and they have to find it for themselves.

Bea:  I feel sad for Rodrigo but, oh well, that’s how things go sometimes.

Bill:  I don’t feel sad for Rodrigo at all.

SOMETIMES THINGS ARE BEYOND BELIEF

Bea:  Bill recently discussed with me some things that are beyond belief, or they are things that are impossible to happen, or just odd to the point of being silly. I didn’t initially get the analogy but after Bill explained it to me I understood.

Bill:  I want to bring up some items that take place in SpongeBob SquarePants episodes. You might think talking about things in SpongeBob SquarePants episodes is strange but let me put these items out there and then see what you think. Everyone in the SpongeBob SquarePants environment lives under the sea in the town of Bikini Bottom. So how come we have the following. . .

People go to the beach and the waves are washing up on the shore. How can you have a beach under the water where water that is under the water washes up on the shore?

Mister Krabbs is a Crab right? So why is his daughter Pearl a Whale?

How can the people of Bikini Bottom go camping and build a campfire when they are under water?

Patrick Star is a Sea Star. His Grandfather is a Sea Star. His Mother is a Sea Star. His Father is a Sea Star. But Patrick’s sister Squidina is a Squid. HUH?

Bill flashes a smile into the camera.

Bill: How can all these unbelievable and impossible things happen? Because SpongeBob SquarePants is a fantasy so things that are impossible are possible in that environment. Now, Rodrigo, you may think you’re in a fantasy environment where can do all types of impossible things just as the characters in SpongeBob SquarePants do in every episode. If you think you’re going to defeat me, a wrestler with a hell of a lot more experience than you, 10 inches of height over you, and 70 pounds of weight over you, then you’re damn sure living in a fantasy world. The problem, Afonso, is that although you’re living in a fantasy world, where in your mind you can imagine doing things that you’re not capable of doing in the real world, you are still not able to out-maneuver me, you are not able to apply holds to me to make me submit, and the only thing you are able to do is take the loss to me. Damn sure sucks to be you in our match!

Bea:  Don’t you think you are being a bit too hard on Rodrigo Afonso?

Bill:  Nope!

Bea:  Okay.

DREAM INTERPRETATIONS

Bill:  Rodrigo we all dream when we sleep. Some not as much as others but we all have dreams. When I remember dreams I’ve had I go to the website DREAM MOODS and get the interpretation of those dreams. I would like to present some of my dreams, and their interpretations, to you at this time.

Bea:  This sounds interesting,

Bill:  I saw a computer in a dream. The computer was working perfectly in the dream. That symbolizes technology, information, modern life, with new areas of opportunities being opened for me. Sounds good to me Rodrigo. While I’m having areas of opportunity being opened to me you are having doors slammed in your face denying you opportunities.

Bea:  Okay.

Bill:  I saw a creek in a dream. The interpretation of seeing a creek in your dreams represents your personal energy flow and emotional state. To bad that probably the only creeks you see in your dreams, Rodrigo, are dried up meaning your life sucks.

Bea:  Damn!

Bill:  In another dream I saw an abandoned house. At first I thought that seeing an abandoned house in a dream would indicate a bad thing. But when I checked Dream Moods website it turns out that seeing an abandoned house means that you have left behind your past and you are moving forward, and successfully, into the future. Totally opposite of you Rodrigo. Sure sucks to be you.

Bea:  Those are very interesting and positive interpretations of your dreams. What else to you have to present for the benefit of Rodrigo Afonso?

Bill:  Closing comments.

Bea:  Bring on the closing comments!

CLOSING COMMENTS

Bill:  Rodrigo Afonso. . .please allow me to summarize the items I presented today and tell you, and the viewers, how the things I mentioned refer to you.

ONE:  I have 10 inches of height 70 pounds weight advantage over you. What does that mean? It means you’re in way over your head against me and I’m going to make you regret you signed your name on the Contract to wrestle me.

TWO:  I talked about going to Knowland Park in Oakland, California, near where I grew up. I told you I tossed a Quarter into their Wishing Well and wished that I didn’t have to apologize for the beat down I am going to give you on Sunday, October 1, 2023, at Climax Control 374. I still might apologize after I soundly defeat you in our match but I haven’t yet firmly decided if I will apologize to you or not.

THREE:  I had a parody video created to portray what might happen were you to take a trip to Fantasy Island to try to get Mister Roarke to grant you the ability to defeat me in our upcoming match. In that parody video I had actors portray the characters of Mister Roarke, his assistant Tattoo, and you. In typical Fantasy Island fashion Mister Roarke had to advise you that he is unable to give you something you don’t already possess. He further stated that all he can do is help you understand what abilities you have inside of you for you to develop. Unfortunately Mister Roarke and his Staff at Fantasy Island were not able to give you something you don’t already possess.

FOUR:  I mentioned all the odd and unbelievable and impossible things that take place in SpongeBob SquarePants episodes and tried to get you to understand how stupid and impossible those things are in those episodes. I also mentioned that you’re not able to perform impossible and miraculous things like those in SpongeBob SquarePants episodes so you’re at a major disadvantage against me in our match.

FIVE:  The last item I presented to you were some dreams I had and their interpretations as presented on the website DREAM MOODS. All the dreams I had came with amazingly positive outcomes which is thrilling to me. What about your dreams Rodrigo? It doesn’t matter because I’m so positive and excited to face off against you. I’m looking forward to defeating you so quickly that the Timekeeper may only have a few minutes from sounding their bell to start our match and sounding their bell to end the match as that is how quickly I’ll defeat you.

Bea:  Oh, my goodness, Bill!!! That was some amazing stuff you presented!

Bill:  I’m not done yet.. I have one more comment for you Rodrigo. So, Rodrigo, the fact that Management has put you, a wrestler way shorter and lighter than me, in this match against me, is like going to a Pitbull Dog Fight and they throw a Chihuahua into the fight against a much larger, stronger, powerful, Pitbull Dog, and the Chihuahua lasts less than two minutes. Good luck Rodrigo as you’re going to need all the good luck you can find to hang with me for more than a few minutes.

Bea:  I have to give you another GOOD COMMENTS exclamation Bill.

Bill:  Before we sign off on this broadcast I wish to invite my Neice and Nephew, Kathy and Ken, back in camera view so I can thank them for allowing us to broadcast comments for my upcoming match against Rodrigo Afonso.

Ken and Kathy return in front of the camera with Bill and Bea.

Bill:  Kathy and Ken are huge wrestling fans since they were small children. Me and Bea have arranged for two front-row seats for them at Bill Graham Civic Auditorium. Remember their faces as when the camera is showing action during all the matches at Climax Control 374 so that you will see Ken and Kathy enjoying the show and enjoying watching their Uncle Bill Barnhart destroy Rodrigo Afonso. Thanks for joining us today. Bye!

Bill and Bea are done with their comments and the camera person cuts their camera feed and our screen goes dark.