Where you stand.
Things had been icy. To say the least. Since the birthday bullshit I had been making myself scarce. Coming home from the gym, showering and going to bed. Keeping my door closed and eating when everyone else was gone or asleep. It wasn’t out of fear, don’t get that shit twisted. It was out of frustration. But, as crushing and soul destroying as the “party” had been it did offer me one thing I had been lacking in the last year or so.
Clarity
I know what I am, what I always have been. And now, well it’s time to embrace that shit. So, it is time to leave. To move out, to walk away before I do something I’ll regret. Packing is the easy part, doing it quietly, not so much. Moving around my room and deciding what I wanted to keep and bounce. I had been good at cutting ties in the past. Just need to ask all my exes about that. Matt Shields, Billy Danielson. They both knew what it was like to watch me leave.
But this was different. Finn and I weren’t together, he had not done anything to actually hurt me. But his inaction had led to pain and suffering.
My pain and suffering.
As I fold clothes and put them in my bags I can’t help but feel guilty. Something I very rarely feel. Normally if I know someone will be hurt or frustrated by my actions I don’t care. I let it roll off my back like water off a ducks ass. This time however, I felt it. Deep in my stomach and raising past my heart. Could have been heartburn I suppose. But, I needed to know just the same. I turned around and opened the door going to step out but coming face to face with Finn.
”Oh….hey.”
He had his arms folded over his chest, looking just behind me to see my bags sitting half packed on my bed. He grumbled and shook his head. ”So, you were going to tell me that you were moving out or just do it and hope no one would notice?” I shook my head and leaned to the side, against the door frame. My arms folding over my chest to match his stance. ”I know you haven’t been around as much, but trust me, we’d all realise you were gone.”
I scoffed and rolled my eyes turning back into the room, Finn followed and looked over everything. The general chaos that my bedroom was usually in had changed to an even more random mixture of chaos and disorganization. ”Are you sure you would have noticed? It’s not like we’ve said anything more than one or two words to each other in the last month and change.” Finn ground his teeth together. He was frustrated. I could see it. And a good friend, a normal person would back away and let them think for a moment. But, I’m not normal. ”I guess you’ve been too busy with Emily and her schemes to notice.”
Finn growled and narrowed his eyes moving sideways and leaning against the wall.
”Nothing to say to that huh? Typical” I threw my arms up in frustration, now it was his turn to push my buttons and unfortunately for me the fucker knows just what ones to push. ”Not sure what I was expecting.” I moved toward him, my hands balled into fists as I kept them hidden under my folded arms. ”She heard us talking, she heard me tell you all about why I hate my birthday, why I never celebrate it and why I hate parties. She knew the pain she was inflicting, she knew what it would mean and she did it anyway.”
”Emily was just trying to help you, that's what she told me anyway. She sees that you don’t trust people and wants to change that. Probably for my sake.”
I deadpanned him, I just stared ahead, looking right through him. But, Finn stayed silent. No more defense toward her or concessions toward me. ”So, she’s either a vindictive cunt, or a stupid cunt.”
I tolted my head and shot him a grin, Finn rolled his eyes and pushed out a frustrated and angered breath. ”I don’t want you to go.”
”Why not?”
More silence. Finn shook his head, obviously struggling with what to say, or rather, how to word it. I gave him as much time as I could, turning back away from him and continuing to pack. He moved forward, grabbing my arm and groaning. ”Kayla stop!” I sighed heavily and looked down and shook my head again. Why did he care? This was bullshit. ”You don’t….you don’t need to go…this is your home…”
Home
I turned away, pulling my arm from his grasp and getting right in his face. That was the last button to push. ”I can’t live in this house with HER anymore. Don’t you get it? This whole arrangement is fucked up and I can’t do it anymore.” I could feel myself slipping. Everything I had held back, everything I had bottled up over the last year. ”I can’t be your side girlfriend Finn. The one you come to to actually be yourself when being the fake “Finny” gets too much. That isn’t fair to me…or you.”
”That isn’t what I’m doing..”
”Then you are blind as fuck…” I closed my eyes and swallowed hard, trying to push all that anger down, trying to keep it there and not let it escape. ”I look at how Aiden looks at Callie, or Dickie at Amelia, or Miles and Carter. I see them and how they act and I realise……I’ll never have that…or be that…” I trailed off, I revealed more than I intended. Finn was silent, dumbfounded by what I had said. And then I saw it in his eyes, the look that had infuriated me so much last time.
Pity
”Kayla I-
I put my hand up, shaking my head to stop him as I felt the tears well up again. I pushed out a breath that stuttered. ”I’ll never be what you need. And I made peace with that.” I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes before turning that sadness inward and turning it into anger. ”But, you can’t force me to stay here and watch it….so please…Finn…” I took in a deep breath and felt my entire body shake. ”Let me go…”
He looked shocked, his jaw stuttering as he stepped back and let out ba sigh. It was filled with sadness and regret. But he also had no idea what to say. No comforting words, no objections, no fight. He moved through the door and I realized. Emily must have taken that too…
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So, I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit tonight
Three
”Is anyone shocked I’m still the Internet champion? Anyone? Anyone at all?”
Kayla pauses and waits for a answer that will never come. Because no one else is there, it’s just Kayla. In her hotel room, overlooking part of the great wall outside Beijing.
”No, no one is. See, I am one of the best professional wrestlers in this company. I have been since day one when I sauntered my shapely ass into SCW. And I have had nothing but blow back from the veterans in the company as well as all the others who waltzed in around the same time who hate me because I have reached levels of success that they can only dream of. I have held this championship three times, three. You know the other three time champion in this titles history? Roxi Johnson…”
“So I’m in esteemed company. But, I have records in my sights, aside from being the only woman to have two reigns over a hundred days with this I am also getting ready to surpass Myra Rivers total days as champion, but, that isn’t all. I want all thew records. I want to have the most defences, the single longest reign, I want it all. I want my name to be the one people think of when they thing of the SCW Internet championship.”
“And then, and only then will I be satisfied enough toi allow one of you lesser peeons to hold this championship while I move on to other, greater moments.”
“The mos frustrating thing though, if it wasn’t for two hiccups on my reigns I would have already reached the longest single reign milestone and the most defences. And lets be honest here, those other two, well, maybe they should have never been able to hold this. As great as Melissa is she only got to touch the title due to my idiot opponent this week. And the fake retiring checkpoint grabbing narcissist who fluked her way to holding the Internet title should have never been in the ring with me to begin with…”
Kayla shoots a cocky little grin and shrugs before continuing.
”However, after being Dawn Warren down like the forgettable bitch she is and skipping past Laura Phoenix I find myself in a familiar yet annoying position. See, a few months ago, while being involved in a match against someone I actually saw as a threat, Ariana Angelos decided to get involved. She, through pure luck and happenstance was dropped into a triple threat match between myself and Melissa. It was a position she didn;’t earn, a position she was not prepared for….”
“Does any of this sound familiar?”
“Because it sure as shit feels familiar.”
“Like history repeating itself.”
“And after that triple threat, where she COST ME the title, I was able to reclaim it. To take back what was mine. But, I did that after I handed Ariana another loss. See, every single time Ariana has stepped up to me, anytime in her career and while I have been here, shes failed. Spectacularly. And every, single, time it’s the same thing with her. She says she can beat me, she says I’m arrogant, she rants and raves like it’s going to matter and in the end it doesn’t because SHE doesn’t. Because SHE can’t learn from her mistakes and much like us having to face one another time and time again her history with her mistakes are doomed to repeat itself.”
Kayla moves away from the window, picking up a small cup of tee and taking a sip with her pinky out. Being careful not to spill any…people hate it when you spill the tea.
”This time, however. It has higher stakes. See, if Ariana is somehow able to beat me she gets a Internet title shot. Yes, this girl who has a horrible record this year, and last year, and anytime in this company, who has never been able to beat me, who I accused of gettuing handed shit, is once again getting HANDED SHIT. See, Ariana shouldn’t have this opportunity. She shouldn’t be in the ring with me. But, the fact is she has been handed this and expects to be able to take advantage of it.”
“She thinks her desire to be the Internet champion will somehow outshine my desire to humiliate her and make her look pathetic.”
“Pfft she underestimates my pettiness..”
“But, there is a shining light here Ariana. See, I have been given more than just a carrot dangling in front of me, more than just the chance to beat you again and prevent you from getting a shot at a championship that is above you. When I beat you, I will be able to name my own opponent. I will be able to pick the person who gets a championship opportunity over you. And I know what most are thinking.”
“You all think I’ll probably pick Bae Barnhart or some other talentless lowlife to defend the title against.”
“Shit if I wanted to get an easy defense, I’d just leap out of the ring and allow Ariana to win by count out…”
She sneers, turning her upper lip upward with a smirk. She’s kind of a bitch.
”No Ariana, I want to beat you so I can name someone worthwhile who I believes deserves it. Whether that be Laura Phoenix because as much as I hate to admit it the old hag did push me to my limit, or maybe I could pick Tempest, the giant wrecking ball who deserves way more than she’s been given. Or shit maybe I should face the woman who WHOOPED YOUR ASS at Summer Xxxtreme, Georgie Washington.
“Wouldn’t that be a novel concept? People getting things because they win and deserve them, not because they’re living off pass glories like a certain someone who just challenged for the Bombshells title, or people who just get handed things like you.”
“Now, I’m not saying that you are incapable of earning anything Ariana…”
“Because you are, everyone is in some way.”
“If you beat me, then yes, you will have earned a title opportunity. But look at the difference between us Ariana.l I lose, I learn from my mistakes, I come back better, faster and stronger. I did it against Keira, I did it against Melissa and if you are able to get va fluke win over me then you better believe I will be doing that against you. And I really, really, really don’t want to waste my time facing you twice. I would much rather face one or more of the woman I just mentioned. All of them have done something to earn a shot and all of them are more of a challe nge than you…”
“And that is all I have ever wanted, challenges. And instead, I get stuck with you. And that is the most disappointing thing since Twitter became “X”...”
