[Andrew]

SAL WHO? DOESN’T MATTER AS SAL DARIUS WON’T BE HEARD FROM AGAIN AFTER OUR MATCH

Narrator:  After Into The Void XII where Bill Barnhart was runner up in the Roulette Championship Ladder Match he now struts into Climax Control 361 to face off against Sal Darius. I now turn you over to Bill Barnhart at the Gold Coast Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada, where he and Bea and their English Bulldog are staying during Climax Control 361.

The scene shifts to the Gold Coast Casino where Sin City Wrestling is holding their event Climax Control 361 where Bill Barnhart faces off against someone named Sal Darius. We see Bill and Bea in a restaurant in the venue and they’re sitting at a table having breakfast. Their English Bulldog, Iris, is not with them as she is not allowed in the restaurant so they left her in their hotel room and they will bring food for her when they are done today. The camera person attending to Bill Barnhart tells Bill and Bea they are going live broadcasting so Bill and Bea get ready to present comments for Bill’s match.

FUNDRAISING EVENT TO BENEFIT CHILDREN’S HEALTHCARE OF ATLANTA

Bill:  We arrived in Las Vegas the other day and I held one of our fundraising events where we raise money to donate to Children’s Healthcare Of Atlanta in Georgia. These fundraising events always pits me against Iris in various contests. Regardless of which of us wins the competition all the money raised is donated to Children’s Healthcare Of Atlanta. What me and Iris are really shooting for is the bragging rights over the other until the next fundraising event.

Bea:  The previously completed fundraising competitions between Bill and Iris included a Pizza Eating Contest which Bill won. Another fundraising competition between them was a Lasagna Eating Contest and Iris won that one. The next fundraising competition was a Farting Contest which Iris won. Although Bill is known for letting loose some of the most noxious farts known to mankind Iris out-did Daddy Bill on that day so she was one-up on Daddy Bill. This recent contest was a Burping Contest between Bill and Iris. Of course Iris wanted the win so she would be up on Daddy Bill 3-1 and Bill, of course, wanted to win this one to make it even at 2-2.

Bill and Bea pause to eat some of their food before continuing.

Bill:  Iris has, in the past, won a Burping Contest over me but let’s be honest here and let everyone know that I can let loose burps that can knock cars off the road, and trains off their tracks, and occasionally I have knocked small airplanes out of the sky. So when we started this recent Burping Contest I knew I was going to slam dunk Iris and walk away with the win which tied us as 2-2 so we will have to do a tie-breaker in the near future.

Bea:  We had great attendance from the fans when we held this Burping Contest between Bill and Iris. We held it in the parking lot to ensure when the two of them let loose with loud booming burps that they wouldn’t likely set off the sprinkler or fire alarm system inside the arena. How do we rate these burps? Good question. We have professionals in the area of sound and they have numerous microphones set up around where Bill and Iris drink huge amounts of various carbonated drinks then let go with their burps. The winner isn’t the one who lets out the loudest burp even though volume is one of the criteria. There are also factors involved in the judging including the duration of the burps and the smell emanating from Bill and Iris as they both end up drinking a large amount of carbonated drinks.

Bill and Bea continue eating more of their food and they are nearly done with their meal.

Bill:  Bea started the timer, which had a 15 minute time limit, and me and Iris took off downing various carbonated drinks. I went directly for some 2 Liter bottles Coke, 7-Up, and Doctor Pepper, while Iris decided to work on Seltzer Water, Mr. Pibb, and Lemon-Lime soda. Iris let out a few loud, but not very noxious, burps while I was able to let out some extremely loud and foul-smelling burps that had some of the people in attendance passing out. I saw that Iris was getting desperate and when she went for a bottle of Grapefruit soda I knew she had just lost the event to me. Iris desperately downed the entire 2 Liter bottle of Grapefruit soda and she ended up puking it all out instead of letting out a loud burp. Knowing I had the Burping Contest won I decided to celebrate by downing one last 2 Liter bottle of Doctor Pepper and I let out an extremely loud roaring and stinky burp that knocked a few people unconscious at the event and blew out a few car windows. All Iris could do was lower her head to the ground in a sign of submission and defeat.

Bea:  So with Bill’s win he tied Iris at 2-2 and we’ll be having a tie-breaker event in the near fugure to raise funds for Children’s Healthcare Of Atlanta. We don’t want to repeat the Pizza or Lasagna eating competition and we don’t want to repeat the farting or burping competition. We’ll try to come up with something that both Bill and Iris will feel comfortable with while at the same time making both of them nervous. I will let you know when I come up with something for them.

Bill and Bea finish their breakfast and then they ask their server to bring the breakfast items they ordered to bring to Iris in their room. The server brings the items for Iris to their table and Bea pays for the meals and then Bill and Bea stand up from the table and start walking to return to their hotel room.

SAL WHO? DOESN’T MATTER WHAT HIS NAME IS AS SAL DARIUS WON’T BE HEARD FROM AGAIN AFTER OUR MATCH

Bill and Bea have returned to their hotel room along with the assigned camera person to present comments on Bill’s upcoming match and to present to the viewers what they say and do. As soon as they walk into the room and Iris smells the food they brought for her Iris gets so excited that she is barking and spinning around and bumping into the furniture. Bill and Bea place the food on the dining table as they try to calm Iris down. The camera person is getting all this action and we are sure the viewers are amused.

Bill:  Calm down Iris! Yes we have food for you from the restaurant but you need to relax and wait until we can get the food into your food dish for you to eat.

Bea:  Iris we brought you the same breakfast items we ate in the restaurant. As soon as I get items prepared for you then I will have you eat. I’m sure you will sleep it off after your meal which is fine with us as we need to have Daddy Bill air his comments for his upcoming match against Sal Darius.

Bill:  Sal who?

Bea:  Ha ha ha! Okay Iris here’s your food. . .enjoy! Now, Bill, we need to get your comments for your upcoming match aired. Are you ready to verbally kick ass on your opponent?

Bill:  I’m always ready to kick ass on opponents, both verbally and physically, so let’s do this!

While Iris hangs out in the Kitchen area eating her food Bill and Bea sit on the couch to present comments for Bill’s upcoming match against Sal Darius.

Bill:  Sal let me start with an introduction of what you’re facing when you step into the wrestling ring with me. You have heard the saying people use that they HAVE BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT right? Well that’s the perfect definition of me. There isn’t anything in the sport of wrestling that I dealt with but wasn’t able to overcome. You can name any type of match, any type of weapons involved in those matches, and the violence that was inflicted upon me, and what violence I inflicted on opponents. The bottom line is that regardless of what opponents did to me, whether it was inside the ring, or attacks made on me outside of the ring, or on my way to the ring, or in my dressing room, I survived, I’m still here, and I’m still kicking ass! This Sunday it is your ass that is getting kicked by me!

Bea:  Look at what Bill endured recently. He got attacked during a match and yet he was ready to go when Management assigned him as Guest Referee for a Hardcore Rules Roulette Rules Match. The participants in that match had to use staple guns as the weapons required in that match. They decided it would be amusing to not only shoot their opponents with staples but they shot staples into Bill also. You would think attacking the assigned Referee in the match would be illegal but everyone let is slide without punishment.

Bill:  Even with those two matches and the attacks made on me I was assigned to a Four-Way Roulette Championship match at Into The Void XII for the vacated Roulette Championship. Before you start running your mouth and only make the comment that I did not win that match let me tell you, and everyone else watching, the entire story. The match consisted of Malachi, Peter Vaughn, Godly Ken Davison, and me. Who were the last two wrestlers on top of the ladder to remove the Roulette Championship off the hook for the win? Was one of those two wrestlers Ken Davison? No! Was one of those two wrestlers Malachi? No! The last two wrestlers trying to remove the Roulette Championship from the hook was Peter Vaughn and me. Did you even watch that match Sal? Did you take note that I had the other three wrestlers disabled and I climbed up the ladder and was at the top reaching up to try to grab onto the Roulette Championship to become a three-time Roulette Champion. Since the ladder was banged up during our match it wasn’t as stable as those of us in the match wanted it to be. As I was balancing myself at the top of the ladder so I could reach up and grab the Roulette Championship that delay allowed Peter Vaughn to climb the ladder and reach the level where I was located. He managed to knock me loose from the ladder then he grabbed the Roulette Championship and became Roulette Champion. I was NOT over-powered in that match and I kept going no matter what took place and it was just one of those things that happens in Ladder Matches and it wasn’t my night to become a three-time Roulette Champion.

Bea:  Well, Sal, there you have it! What did we give you? The truth. . .the whole truth. . .and nothing but the truth! Want to know what else is the truth. . .the whole truth. . .and nothing but the truth? Bill is going to destroy you so badly in your match that you are likely to go into retirement rather than remain in the sport of wrestling and continue getting hurt. Enjoy things while you can, Sal, as you won’t have much enjoyment remaining in your life after Bill disposes of you.

CLOSING COMMENTS

Bill:  Sal I wish to close with comments that might help you realize what a horrible thing you received when you were assigned to this match against me at Climax Control 361. I will give you information on things that have happened to me while driving around the Lawrenceville, Georgia, area bringing Iris to various parks for walks. Many times while driving Iris to parks for walks there are moron drivers who are in a hurry, or just not paying attention, and I always have incidents where another driver tailgates me and nearly runs into the back of my Hyundai Santa Fe, or they swerve over the center line and nearly hit my SUV head-on. Fortunately I’m an extremely alert driver so I’m able to avoid being hit by other vehicles. Keeping alert and avoiding accidents while driving relates perfectly with my wrestling.

Bill grins into the camera.

Bill:  Using the incidents while I am driving I will let you know how they benefit me in the wrestling ring. Opponents try to hit me head-on but I’m able to avoid their attempted hits. Opponents try to blind-side me from the side or from behind but I feel them there and I’m able to counter what they attempt. You see, Sal, my opponents try so damn hard to attack me, especially when they think I’m not aware of where the are located, because they are not aware that I know where they are, and I quickly counter their pathetic attempts and slam dunk them. Try all you want to Sal. Try everything you think might work against me. All you will do is fail. I’m planning on beating you down so hard that you’ll go into retirement after our match. Don’t believe me Sal? You’ll believe me this Sunday when I soundly destroy you in our match.

Bill appears to be ready to inform the camera person that he is done with his comments for today but he stops to provide one additional closing comment.

Bill:  Sal one of my favorite shows on television was Futurama and my favorite character in Futurama was Bender the Robot. In closing I will have the Network put up a graphic of Bender the Robot uttering one of his classic catchphrases which is what I utter to you now, Sal, as my closing comment at you and that catchphrase is:  BITE MY SHINEY METAL ASS! See you on Sunday LOSER!!!

After Bill utters his closing comments for today the Network puts up the graphic of Bender the Robot from Futurama.

After the graphic has been on the screen long enough for viewers to fully take note of it the graphic goes off the screen and then the screen goes dark.