Therapy
For as long as I can remember I have had a certain way of dealing with being upset or having anxiety. Even from a very young age if I felt sad or angry I would go and exhaust myself through getting rid of energy. I’d go for a run, do cardio or play volleyball. Anything and everything to get rid of energy and work out.
But, as I got older I realised I needed more.
Others I knew, friends and even my sister. They had their own forms of therapy.; Talking to someone, connecting with them and getting through issues to try and be happy. It won’t work for everyone.
And didn’t and wouldn’t work for me. Sure, I can ask for advice, have a conversation.
But to get all my issues out, to feel better, human, calm. Well, there’s nothing like lifting wrights. Working out cleanses me, it calms me. It makes me feel better. Others use religion, talk to their preist or pastor.
But to me, the gym is my church.
Rock music, my hymns.
But, what happens if that sanctity is broken? What happens if it is invaded and you no longer feel as if you can cleanse yourself through the only way you have ever known or had worked? Where do you go? What do you do? And how would that affect you?
Cause and effect.
It had been a few weeks since talking to her mother about Aron. A few weeks since she had heard anything from her. The second Zoey left the large two story mansion in the city limits of Atlanta, she knew that it would be a while till she heard from her. But, they were now in a waiting game. Both of them were stubborn. A fact Zoey knew. But in the past, whenever Zoey had made a decision that her mother didn’t like she would be the one to cave. She would call, message or travel to see her.
This time, Zoey told herself it was different. That she wasn’t going to bow down to her mother and let her dictate her life, her choices or her happiness. However, that didn’t mean this entire situation didn’t weigh on her mind. When she was with Aron she was happy. He would listen toi her and share everything about himself and his family so freely. With Aron there was no hiding.
Not from him, not from who she really was.
He was the first man she could be herself with and know he wouldn’t feel threatened. After all, Zoey was over six feet tall, almost two hundred pounds, she was intimidating almost every woman she would meet and most men outside the wrestling business. But, not to Aron.
He accepted her, accepted everything. She could rant about her mother or the stupidity of some of her peers and he would never judge her or switch off. He would listen intently, give welcome advice or sometimes, very simply, hug her. He knew what to do and when and how. And she was able to do the same for him. So why didn’t her mother understand? And why did Zoey care so much?
Alicia didn’t.
She stopped caring a long time ago, about their mothers opinions, thoughts and what she wanted from them both. Alicia switched off, she walked away. And now Zoey had done the same thing, all she felt was guilt. But, here she was, at Wolfslair in New York, back in her “home” state since leaving Georgia, moving close to Alicia but just down the road to the gym. Zoey had been training the house down. Almost like a woman possessed. Cardio, weights, submission wrestling, striking. Anything and everything Zoey was doing. All to be the one thing that she wanted to be in this world.
A champion.
She had her earbuds in, now being able to hear anyone as a random mix of songs blasted in her ears to keep her motivated. From classic rock greats like ACDC and Foreigner to more modern bands like Bury tomorrow and motionless in white, it all served a purpose. To motivate Zoey and get her to train harder, move faster and become the best she could be. And with every rep, every step and every move she felt a little piece of that frustration, anger and anxiety chip away.
Behind her, Alex Jones took a step toward her and shook his head folding a piece of paper in his hand, Zoey reached down and grabbed a large metal bar, standing up and pulling the bar in a deadlift, grunting as she did, Alex’s eyes widened, surprised she was lifting about the same as he was able to. But as she set the bar down he reached out tapping her on the shoulder, Zoey looked behind her, popping her earbuds out. ”Sup?”
Alex held out the piece of paper and shook his head. ”Your mom called. Said she wanted you to go see her..”
Zoey blinked, taking the note and reading it with a sneer before rolling the paper up and slipping it in her pocket, she turned and popped her earbuds into her ears before going to turn and continue, Alex raised an eyebrow and laughed. ”I’ve spoken to her before, but she seems very..stern this time….whats up?”
”Nothin.”
Alex groaned and shook his head, folding his arms over his chest in an annoyed way. ”Kiddo, I have watched you come in here the last week and murder these weights, you seem more focused than usual while also being troubled at the same time…now this…and your sister has been tight lipped…”
She swallowed and straightened her back, undoing her wrist straps and turning to face Alex. ”My mom is….a little…”
”Controlling..”
”Yeah.” Zoey chuckled and threw her arms in the air pacing back and forth. ”She is trying to get involved in my love life. Refuses to believe I found a good man in Aron…she’s just pissed off she can’t dictate my life…Alicia was always like that but…this is kind of new for me…” She scratched the back of her neck. Alex just listened, taking it all in before sighing and reaching out patting her on the back.
”For what it’s worth, I think you are doing the right thing…it’s your life…but…,sort your shit out with your mom….this kind of stuff can affect everything. And I mean everything. Your personal and professional life…” He raised his eyebrows. Zoey turned, understanding what he was trying to say and giving Alex a small nod.
Ya win some….
”Ya win some, ya lose some…”
Zoey leaned forward, a fedw strands of hair falling down over her eyes as she let out a small grunt.
”Losing sucks. It does. Since I came back to wrestling though, i essentially picked up where I left off. When i first stepped into the wrestling world and followed my my father, brother and sisters footsteps I knew I was going to be running up hill. Or, more poetically, ice skating up hill. My father was a legend in Japan, he was “mid” in the US, my brother couldn’t get over the stigma of being Jason Maxwells kid. But…my sister became one of the best…”
“And at 21 years old I had to be better than perfect. I had to step into a world where my sister was known and feared and I had to break out. And I did. I started destroying everyone I was put in the ring with, I became a star on my own and then, well, then I let myself fall into a bad place. A bad relationship, bad moments. And then….I walked.”
“I left at the age of 22, and spent 2 years in the wilderness, 2 years of doing NOTHING.”
“I had to come back, I had to.”
“So, since I came back last year, since I stepped foot in SCW I have done everything to be comfortable in my own skin. To accept the fact I am part of this family and I have to live up to my own standards. Not anyone elses. And I believe I’ve done that. One on one very few people, if any can stand up to me. Tempest did, but every single loss since then has been because of someone else. Miles Casey and Joe Montuori, I lost opportunities. Now, I forgave Miles cause he’s a good dude, he’s an SCW loyalist and he felt bad…”
Zoey shrugs and pushes to her feet.
”Joe, well, you know what he did?”
She pauses, waiting for someone to ask “what” yet of course, no one is there.
”He bounced. Joe took his ball and went home. Some legend right? Legendary bitch. So, now here I am left to pick up the pieces. And SCW has decided, along with Roxi herself, to take myself and Ariana, pit us against one another and whomever comes out the other side gets to face off against Roxi one on one for the Bombshells title. A match and an opportunity I have been calling for, and am glad to have it.”
“Meanwhile Ariana gets an opportunity for the Bombshells title after failing spectacularly for the Internet title…”
“Think about that for a moment. She lost to a champion, before her shot, then was the one who topok the fall, costing a champion the title, only to be given a shot to go face Roxi. And, hey, I get it, Roxi wants new blood going for that championship since it has been locked in the same group for a while now. But, Ariana, honey, you don’t belong here. You don’t belong at this level, you don’t belong 9in the ring with someone like Roxi.”
“See, Roxi Johnson, love her or hate her, is a legend. She’s a champion, a pioneer. A woman who took the male dominated world and exploded into the mainstream and is beloved and respected everywhere she has gone.”
Zoey laughs to herself and shakes her head.
”You, are not on her level. And never will be….So, if I lose to you. If I let you, somehow get passed me and fail to send you back where you belong then Roxi won’t get that challenge she wants, needs or craves. She will get new blood in the World bombshells title picture, but, it won’t be the kind of challenge she, or that championship deserves. Me on the other hand?”
“Who can stand up to me one on one aside from Tempest? Who can say they have beaten me?”
“Mercedes Vargas failed. Jessie Salco failed. Sam Marlowe failed. So what makes Ariana believe she can beat me and go on to face Roxi? Well…Blind ambition and delusion is a hell of a drug. See Ariana will tell us all how she promises to succeed and beat me and go on to face Roxi, she’ll stomp her feet with some inspiring speech and try and make believers out of all of you. She will forget her losses, mention her wins and her Roulette title reign…”
“I accept my losses, I own them. I own the fact Tempest beat me, I own the fact Miles and I lose, that Joe and I failed. I own them, I push myself to be better because of them.”
“Ariana won’t. She won’t learn, she won’t move up in the world and use her losses as fuel. She will run her mouth and do everything she can to get people to forget her failures and losses. So, if she steps in the ring with Roxi, well, it’ll be a joke. Roxi will win, Roxi will walk away still craving competition and fresh blood in the division. But…what if I win?”
Zoey smiles, her black painted lips curling up.
”Roxi will get a challenger who will throw everything into the match, who will come at her with the type of venom and power that she has never seen. Shit, Roxi is a comic book fan right? Me coming for her will be like Doomsday coming for the head of superman. Ariana coming for Roxi will be like a random criminal coming after deadpool. It would be a joke. And I refuse to let that happen. So this week, I’m going to stop her, I’m going to get this train back on the track and go on to face a legend…and take the throne…”
