Immediate closeup of the Troll’s face as the camera for his vlog is turned on and he sits back in his comfortable yet outdated desk chair that has seen better days. He leans back, the picture perfect example of cocky confidence with his hands clasped on his belly and fingers interlaced together.
The Troll: Hey, yo! It’s your boy, da Troll! Funny way to kick things off this time around, isn’t it?
He scrunches up his face and shakes his head in the negative.
The Troll: It’s really not. You see, the Golden Girls is one of those overrated sitcoms from the worst era of television history - the eighties. Still, it is a piece of history and I have to admit my mom watched the reruns every day on her television. It’s really nice to see her enjoy something and get her well deserved laughs in. She gets her Golden Oldies on the television, but me? I get mine inside of the ring apparently. I mean…
He rolls his eyes quite brazenly.
The Troll: “Chronic” Chris Page? I mean, seriously? Who pissed in the Cheerios of the matchmakers this time around and why am I being the one made to suffer for it? Okay, it wouldn’t be the FIRST time that I stepped inside of the ring with the Golden Girls of SCW - or in this case, I suppose it’s the Golden Guys. I mean…
He holds up a hand and starts counting off of his chubby sausage-like digits.
The Troll: “Bulldog” Bill Barnhart. Fugly as he is, he’d have to be Blanche because he’s always going about lying about his age and thinking he’s all that. Mac Bane? He’s Dorothy, because he acts all big and tough but back him into a corner like I did and he becomes a blubbering, whiny mess who deep down is really just a scared little girl. “Godly” Ken Davison is tied with Matthew “the Raven” Knox on the old, senile one of the group … Sophia? Which brings us, of course, to “Chronic” Chris Page who is the dumb one of the group - Rose. Now he has shown a bit of brain s now and again, just like that character did, but it’s few and far between because this week, you haven’t heard jack from him. And why? Because deep down he’s seen what I’ve accomplished inside of this business and he knows that I’m a force to be reckoned with! So, he’s hiding. That’s smart. But will he stay hidden?
He closes his eyes and shakes his head.
The Troll: Of course not. That’s because that made up storyline of a reputation his overpaid PR Agent has eaten away at his brain, making him believe his own hype. He really BELIEVES that he is this legend in the business and that he’s held ALL of these championships and been in ALL of these Hall of Fame ceremonies.
He huffs and stares into the camera.
The Troll: There is nothing more pitiful than a man who can’t accept the reality that is staring him right in the face. Sad, huh? Now I would have HOPED that in recent events, that the world would be a happier place. The Republicans - MY PEEPS - won the House! Huh? Huh? And of course, there’s the fact that your boy here…
He does the RVD thumbs pose.
The Troll: Has officially got game. My lovely Kitty showed up and kicked the balls of that sad O’Malley so hard he gave himself a hummer. Haha!
He laughs and claps his hands together. He wiped a gleeful tear from his eye.
The Troll: That was so great! But…
He sighs.
The Troll: People aren’t happy for me. If nothing else, they’re insulting me even more and… insulting my beautiful Katherine too! THAT … will demand a reckoning! And I thought when my Mom fainted last week, it was because she was so happy for her beautiful baby boy but sadly… no. She fainted because she was sad. And WHY was she so sad?
*THUMP!* *THUMP!* *THUMP!*As if on cue…
Mom: GABRIEL!
The Troll sighs.
The Troll: Yes, Ma!?
Mom: I’m not talking to you!
The Troll: Okay Ma!
Mom: I just can’t believe you! After I tried so hard to raise you right, imagine! Going off and starting something with that girl and breaking the heart of that poor Miles boy!
The Troll stares into the camera, shaking his head and jetting a thumb up.
The Troll: That’s why!
