The Impact of leaving…
We sometimes don’t think of how our actions impact others. How a decision, made for the betterment and positivity of our own lives and mental wellbeing can send ripple effects to those around us. Of course, in the end we have to do what is best for us. What is best for the individual. You do not and never will owe anyone else anything. But, sometimes you make sacrifices for them. For loved ones and their lives. And if you don’t the guilt can be crippling. But what is even worse, what really can break you and hurt you, is not realising what you did hurt others. And them not understanding just how bad it was.
Ten years ago, Alicia Lukas returned from Japan. In her early twenties, barely out of her teens, she had lived a life that many others could only dream of. Or have nightmares of. From having to be in a relationship that was mentally and physically abusive. After feeling the sting of a rich piece of shit, after being a teenage mother and making the heartbreaking decision to run from that abuse and to leave her children behind she had to return. Return to her mother, her brother, her sister and fight for her children.
It had been eye opening. She went to Japan, a place that had always held a special piece of her heart. A place that her father had told her about before he left. A place where he made money, where he was treated as a conquering hero. Where the people of Japan embraced him and he learned more about professional wrestling than he could dream. So, with no other ideas, she ran to the east.
Her time in Japan opened her eyes. She learned to wrestle, falling in love with what her father once did, becoming very very good at it in a short amount of time as she took to it like a fish to water. In Japan, on those sweat drenched blood stained mats that she trained on, fought on and slept on. Violet Maxwell died. And reborn was a new woman. Alicia Lukas. A confident, tough as nails fighter who was not going to let anyone or anything hurt her or use her ever again. It was those three years of blood, sweat and tears that prepared her mentally to go home.
Seeing her mother, it was something she thought was going to be the hardest part. But, she was wrong.
Her sister refused to speak to her. The day after seeingh her mother for the first time she returned, knowing it qas a saturday, knowing her younger sister would be home from school. Alicia was excited to see her, excited to be able to reconnect with her. And as she walked in, as her mother Barbara gave her a small nod and didn’t explode at her, Alicia felt calm and happy, after all, her sister had to understand. She moved through the main foyer, out to the back where her sister was sitting, a book in front of her as she scribbled down notes. Alicia opened the sliding glass door and stepped out.
She couldn’t believe how much she’d grown. Her long blond hair tied back, a black leather studded wrist band tight around her right arm. Black eyeliner and she was wearing a black band shirt and jeans. Alicia smiled. ”Hey Mom, I’ll need to go to the library on Monday afternoon…”
”I can pick you up if you want.” Alicia answered and laughed to herself. Her sisters hand stopped, there was silence and the air changed, the mood went dark and Alicia couldn’t help but feel it. Her sister dropped the pen and sat back before letting out a deep breath, not even turning to look at Alicia.
Instead she swallowed hard and cleared her throat. ”I didn’t know you were back Violet.” Alicia winced, hearing her name yesterday from her mother was rough, but hearing it again from her sister made her feel sick.
Alicia stepped forward and smiled. ”I go by Alicia now, decided to use my middle name, and mom’s maiden name, get a fresh start ya know?” She smiled and tried to keep her mood and ntone warm and inviting, her sister refused to look at her, instead staring out onto the grounds, her eyes gliding across the luch green grass to the trees at the far end, past the marble sculptures that stood out there in the center. ”How have you been Rosie?”
Her sister sneered and shook her head. She finally turned to look at her sister, a frown on her face as she seemed angry, and more than that, hurt. ”Really? How have I been? Now you care? You fucking disappear for the last four years and just want to turn back up like nothing happened?” Alicia took a step back, she was surprised at how angry Rose was. But she tried to accept it. ”I’d just turned fucking 13 and suddenly you were gone, I called Ronnie’s and he was the one who told me…you’d run off, middle of the night…no goodbyes…nothin..” She tutted and rolled her eyes throwing her hand in the air and turning away.
Rose Maxwell had always been stubborn and strong willed. But this was different, she’d gone through puberty. Alicia remembered a 13 year old who looked up to her younger sister. Not this angry seventeen year old. Her long blond hair was like hers, her facial structure to. They booth looked more like their father than their ,other. Rose stood up, she was tall, taller than Alicia, she inherited their fathers height to. ”I get you’re upset, but you need to understand Rosie..I-”
”It’s Zoey….” She interrupted, Alicia tilted her head, Rose turned up her nose as Barbara shook her head standing behind Alicia. ”You’re not the only one who got sick of the flower name and went with their middle name…I go by Zoey…” Alicia turned to their mother, Barbara shrugged and took a sip of her iced tea.
”Ok…Zoey…” Alicia backed off and looked down. Zoey swallowed hard asnd shook her head. Alicia looked over at their mother again who again shrugged having no idea what to say. ”Look, I….I get I should have said something. But I was in a bad place. A very bad place. Ronnie was….” She trailed off, looking down at her arm where she could still feel Ronnies hand wrapped around her wrist to pull her back. Remembering everything, from a slap, to his yelling hurting her ears. It was all still there. Zoey looked into Alicias eyes and looked down too.
”I just…needed you…” Zoey turned away, Alicia looked at their mother who took the hint and moved back inside. Zoey moved to the bannister and leaned on it, Alicia coming up next to her. ”You know how hard it was, having someone you talked to about everything suddenly gone right when everything was becoming the worst?” She swallowed hard.
Alicia reached out grabbing her shoulder. ”I’m sorry, I am. But you have to understand Zo, I’m here now, here to help you and be there for the rest of your life…” She turned Zoey to her, smiling softly and looking her younger sister right in the eyes. ”And, if I hadn’t of run, if I didn’t leave…I don’t think I would have survived…and then…I’d be gone forever…” They stayed silence, Zoey just looked at Alicia and her expression changed. She tilted her head and her eyes softened. Alicia then answered a question Zoey didn’t even need to ask. ”It was that bad Zo….it was terrible…it was killing me…but, I’m still sorry..”
Zoey leaned forward, ase wrapped her long arms around her sister and squeezed, Alicia squeezed back and smiled. For the first time, she felt home.
Losses can help you. And hurt you.
Smash!. Boom.
The sound of a glass hitting the wall, smashing and falling to the floor is the first thing we hear. Coming in to Alicia Lukas, her hands gripping the kitchen counter of the hotelroom shes staying in for this leg of the Indian tour She growls and throws her hands in the air.
”I get it. There’s going to be alot of armchair warriors out there sitting behind their computers talking about how one loss shouldn’t define anyone while another section talking about how I just lost to Kate Diamond Steele Warren whatever the fuck. People talking about how my career is now over, because I got beaten by a fucking overrated wannabe rockstar. And, part of them are right. I lost to someone I shouldn’t have. I brought that bitch back to relevancy. I was the one who made people talk about her again and I was the one who made the fucking match matter. I was the one who did all the promotion, all the talk9ing, all the fucking work to get people to give a shit about Diamond fucking SDteele.”
“And what’s worse? I needed that win. I needed it to get back on the horse after I lost to Vargas. I needed to be able to hold my head high to get back to the position I needed to be. I needed to win and I wanted to win. Diamond didn’t need it, that bitch is like a dog chasing a goddamn car. She wanted it so bad and wanted to catch it, then when she got it she has no goddamn idea what to do with it. What did she do after beating me huh? What did she do? Did she take that win and make the division better? Did she parlay that shit into a winning run where it was a renaissance for her or her family?”
“Or did she try and step up to Roxi Johnson and get bitch slapped baclk down to irrelevancy where she belongs?”
“Have you noticed a theme here? People get a win over me, something that should be a goddamn rarity in this business and then do absolutely nothing with it. What the hell did Vargas do? Did she go and win the Roulette title? Nope. Did Diamond do anything? Nope, she just turned up, ran her mouth for twenty to thirty minutes about shit that didn’t matter, repeating herself at times and then when she had a chance to back it up…boom…lost..”
Alicia raises her voice, reaching out and slamming her fist on the kitchen counter so hard the bowl sitting on the sink bounced, the spoon inside rattling. She sneered and her nostrils flared. She was angry, she was hurt, she was disappointed in herself and the company.
”Most of the time when I lose, I’m disappointed, I’m hurt, but I can understand it. I can self analyze and see where I went wrong and where I need to improve. Those losses are lessons. It’s a personal mantra that for years has served me well as I have been able to learn and become a better wrestler and be someone who0 is hard to beat. And I have tried so hard to impart that knowledge onto people in this company. To tell people like Jessie Salco to accept their losses and learn from them, to tell women like Bea Barnhart that sticking their fucking head in the sand like moronic ostriches and ignoring their losses while lying about how good they are gets them NOWHERE.”
“But, sometimes there are losses where deep down you know you should have won. Times when you know a loss was total bullshit. That match against Diamond, a loss against Seleana and the one against Keira. They were all total bullshit that should have never EVER have happened. But I smiled asnd took it on the chin, I got angry, I vented, but I stayed the course in trying to make this place and the stupid, moronic sycophants that inhabit it better. But that, that loss where I don’t agree…where I can’t see where I went wrong..that’s the last fucking one…”
“If I know you’re below me, if I know I should beat you thrn from now on it won’t be about pinning you or making you tap…no…no that’s too fucking easy.”
“From now on…I’m going to hurt you bitches. Starting with my opponent this week. Ariana Angelos. Cause there is not any fucking way I should be losing to some go bot go gym bitch. This whole narrative of Wolfslair versus Go gym…it’s killing me. You guys think these kids are better than us? That Krystal is actually better than Zoey? Or better than Johanna was? Are you kidding?”
She scoffs and rolls her eyes pacing back and forth.
”Now, I can’t say someone like Ariana isn’t talented. Cause you are kid. You’re a plucky hard worker who turns up to every match ready to scrap and win or lose you know the person you’re facing knows that they have been in a fight. So for that reason alone I’m excited about getting in the ring with you. But good intentions and a plucky attitude doesn’t get you the respect you need to get ahead in this business. Do you know what does? Wins. Wins against big names. Wins against me, against Mercedes, Against Roxi, Against Amber whenever she comes back.”
“Wins against women like that will make you a star. And more than just a member of a gym. See, I have been in that position, I have been there, where you are a part o0f something bigger than you and yuou need to get it through your head that the people you train with might make you better, but they are also people who will try and overshadow you. So you need to be the best Ariana…and I’m sorry but you’re not. Krystal and Carter are both bigger stars than you and are both going to be for a long time.”
“Last time you and I faced Ariana…I beat you and I told you that I would be waiting. I told you I’d wait for you to fight your way back up to beat me. And you might think that it’s what happened…”
“But the sad truth of all of this Ariana? You didn’t fight your way UP to me, I lost my way DOWN to you. I lost to Vargas and Diamond and instead of going on to try and get MY title back, instead of getting matches against the best this company has to offer I’m now stuck facing you again, someone who was lest seen getting yeated out of the ring by Tempest like a fucking lawn dart….and that somehow means we’re on a collision course. So that tells me exactly what this company thinks of me…”
“I’m old news.”
Alicia grinds her teeth together and folds her arms over her chest.
”Nah, this company is now all about Melissa, Kayla Richards, my sister, Masque De Lune, Roxi…that is the direction this company wants to go and now I’m just another cog in the machine. I’m not the one to be feared anymore. I’m just a name on a goddamn match up sheet that gets stapled to a locketroom every week. And now I have to lower myself to face you again Ariana…”
“And yes, lowerr myself. That might seem harsh, and that might seem like a real bitchy thing to say. But you told me last time we faced that you had been working your ass off in SCU and now in SCW you were ready to take the world by storm. How did that go Ariana? Have you taken SCW by storm? Or have you just become another name on the list of average wrestlers in this company. You haven’t lived up to that potential you said you had, you haven’t lived up to the promises you made and now here we are again ready to go…”
“And this time I hope you got your facts streat. Considering you forgot an entire world title reign I had, rather convieniently.”
“You said my last world bombshells reign ended in 2019 when Roxi beat me. No, my last title reign ended when Keira beat me. And that was one of those three losses that I had been vocal about in my displeasure, Kind of strange I need to bring that up isn’t it? Almost like maybe you need to pay more attention or simply not bring up thin gs you don’t know about., Things like being the best and winning the bombshells world title. And see, that ki9nd of pressure, being the best for that long, winning awards like wrestler of the year. That pressure, that kind of focus that you need can break a regular person..”
“Something women like you fail to get or understand Ariana. But you will understand. You will feel it. When I stand above you and win our second match and show you that gap between us hasn’t shortened, when I show you I am still on a complewtely different level, then, well…maybe you’ll see what you need to do to really be a champion and to really be the best. Cause right now…you just don’t get it…and I’m scared…you never will..”
