Blaze of Glory
In the immediate aftermath of the show, I was leaning against my car in the parking lot. My sister Adrianna was with me. It goes without saying I’ve been in this spot many times all while I am wondering if I’ll ever be good enough or if I should give up and quit.
I’m not going to sugar coat it. After the finals, and yet ANOTHER heartbreaker in Sin City Wrestling, I was downtrodden. I wasn’t shedding tears or anything, but I was definitely feeling that burden all over again. Disappointment was the dominant emotion going through me, which is natural especially when this latest wound is so fresh.
“Are you going to say something? I understand you’re… disappointed…” Adrianna said while I sensed her fear that I was about to beat myself down again. I didn’t respond right away, going through some thoughts. However, these were different thoughts. I wasn’t saying “I’ll never be good enough” or “ maybe I should retire”. That was the old Myra prior to High Stakes. Disappointed as I was, I wasn’t in self-abuse mode. Yet, my brain was in overdrive with nothing but questions.
The biggest question?
“Why?”
That was the first of many.
“Myra?” Adrianna said while I continued to think.
“Why do I keep falling short when I’m so close?” I asked myself in my head. At the very least, it was an upgrade from “I’ll never be good enough”.
“Why does this keep happening to me? Why am I struggling so much to take that final step? What am I missing? What do I have to do to make things different?”
While I was trying to figure out answers to all of these questions in the light of the latest heartbreaker, Adrianna was doing her best to get my attention.
“Don’t do this to yourself again, Myra…” she said in a worried tone of voice. “Please don’t beat yourself up over this like you did before. Don’t relapse. Please don’t waste six months of progress right now over this. You’re too strong and you’re too good for that. You can be disappointed, I get that. But don’t let this consume you the way the other ‘heartbreakers’ have.”
I still wasn’t responding, trying to figure out some answers.
“Damn it Myra! At least tell me you’re okay! I’m worried about you knowing how you think about yourself after something like this and how you beat yourself up so much…”
At this point, I couldn’t ignore my sister anymore.
“I’m hurt, I’m sad, I’m disappointed. I can’t hide that. I can’t lie about that. But, something that I can at least tell you right now is that I’m going to be okay.”
I could hear Adrianna’s sigh of relief. She wasn’t fighting me on my feelings. She even embraced me to help me feel better.
“I understand. I know how much it sucks to go through this again. I was just wanting to make sure you weren’t going down the same road you’ve gone down many times before… especially after the Amber losses and all of that…”
“There’s so much that I want to figure out… especially why I can’t take that final step, why I’m always falling short when I’m so close and all of that… but… I’m not beating myself down over this. So many wrestlers would go through the same thing I went through last year and they’d be done. I managed to come all the way back from the gutter to being back in the title conversation in six months. It’s something to be proud of even though I’m not FEELING proud right now. I just know that there’s some missing pieces… and right now, I don’t know what it’s going to take for things to be different next time.”
Adrianna gives a bit of a smirk realizing that this time, I wasn’t playing a victim.
“I’m glad that you’re trying to figure out how to be better instead of…”
“Adri, that Myra is gone…”
“I was only making sure that you weren’t collapsing again or thinking about giving up. You’re in too good of shape right now to be giving up the fight…”
I could only scoff at this, showing some defiance in the face of adversity.
“Giving up the fight isn’t something that has crossed my mind at all…” I said, much to her joy. “I just want to go back to the hotel and see Kimberly…”
Adrianna nodded in understanding as we both entered my car to head back to the hotel. On the drive over, some more thoughts were flooding me.
“I’m not letting this bring me down the way the prior heartbreakers did…” I thought to myself, feeling that spark ignite my soul. “...tonight wasn’t the outcome that I wanted, but the fight is NOT OVER. I’m not about to cry and wonder if I’ll ever be good enough… because I AM FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH! That’s NOT the question anymore and it never should’ve been. Another opportunity WILL come. But what the hell do I do when it happens so that things end differently next time?”
This question stayed stuck in my head as we headed back…
Later…
Walking back into my hotel room, I saw Scotty with Adrianna’s twins and with Kimberly… who was in tears as she glared at the television in front of her. Losing the finals might have been a heartbreaker, but seeing my daughter distraught was the worst feeling in the world.
“Kimmy?”
My daughter looked at Adrianna and I. When she saw me, she lost it. She cried some more as she grabbed a pillow and buried her face in it, trying to hide from me. I could hear an occasional sob coming from her.
“Oh gosh…” Adrianna said with concern in her voice as I walked over to my daughter. I tried to console her, but the moment I touched her, she went off.
“Don’t TOUCH ME!” she said, much to my surprise and my dismay knowing that I had something to REALLY be torn by now… “...you said you were going to win this time and you DIDN’T!”
“Kimmy, I’m sorry…” I said, but this only caused her to get up from the bed and walk away from me to hide behind Adrianna. “...I know what I said and I’m sorry that it didn’t happen.”
“IT NEVER HAPPENS!” Kimberly blurts out. “It NEVER happens… NEVER!!!! Why do you ALWAYS lose in the end? ALL THE TIME!”
“Kimmy… I…” I paused, clearly exasperated by the fact that she was coming at me so emotionally.
“...why can it never happen, Mommy? WHY? Why is it that when you’re so close, you never WIN? I’m so tired of this…”
“And you think I’m not?” I asked her, not knowing what else to say.
“Every time, mommy… every time… you tell me you’re going to win the world title or win this other big thing and you get my hopes up and then you NEVER win! I’m ALWAYS disappointed! Why do you always LOSE? Why do you always have to DISAPPOINT ME?”
My eyes widened with shock while my heart sank.
“...I… disappointed you?” I said, feeling that shock hit me so hard that I couldn’t breathe.
“Yes… and it’s not the first time…” she said, alluding to the heartbreakers from before. “The same thing last year… the Amber stuff… UGH… every time you LOSE in something big, it hurts me so much! I cheer for you and I tell everyone that you’re going to win and then when you DON’T… Mommy, it hurts so much… YOU hurt me so much…”
“Kimmy… I don’t… I’m sorry… I don’t mean to…”
“I’m TIRED of EVERYONE laughing at you and saying all these mean things to you because you keep LOSING when you’re so close. I’m tired of being laughed at in school and now when spring break is over, the other kids are going to be like “HAHA YOUR MOM LOST AGAIN!”...”
“I’m not trying to hurt you, I promise. I don’t want you to be sad because of my wrestling career. I never want you to be crying because I lost a match. Kimmy, you know I’d never hurt you or make you feel like that…”
“But you DO…”
“I’m sorry you feel like that and I wish there was something I could do. I don’t do it on purpose. I’m trying really hard, you know that. I’m tired of it too…”
“You’re my hero mommy…” she reminds me. “Heroes aren’t supposed to let people down. If you can’t come through for me, I’m going to be hurt and I’m going to be sad….”
The guilt was enough for tears to form in my eyes. I wasn’t feeling guilty about losing the match or anything, but knowing that I had been a constant letdown to the person that means more to me than anything else in the world was a different kind of heartbreak that I wasn’t prepared to cope with. I wasn’t concerned about being the best wrestler I could be, but now? I was questioning if I was even a good mother at all. I knew Kimberly meant well, but her words really tore me up inside.
“I can only say ‘sorry’ so many times. I don’t ever want to feel like I let you down and I’m sorry that I have, okay? I’m going to find a way back from this and next time things are going to be different. This isn’t the end, alright? I’ll be better and stronger from this and next time…”
Kimberly cut me off by covering her ears. This really caused me to let out a sigh, feeling defeated that I wasn’t going to get through to her.
“Kim?” Adrianna said, causing her to quit covering her ears. “You want to go to the bakery to get some cake?”
She looked at me and I nodded, all but giving her my approval.
“...sure, aunt Adrianna…”
“We’ll be back…” Adrianna said as she hugged me. Scotty took care of their twins and stood by the door with Kimberly.
“Thank you…” I said to her.
“...you’re not a bad mother…” Adrianna whispered to me. “I know you feel horrible right now, but you’ll make it up to her. I know you will…”
Adrianna and company walked out, leaving me to my own thoughts. I sat on the bed and in my lonely moment, I was the one crying now. I never imagined a worse pain than losing a match, but hearing from my own daughter that I’ve let her down so many times was something that really destroyed me. I opened up the drawer and pulled out my mother’s journal flipping through all the pages until I got to the page with the letter she wrote me. I grabbed a nearby pen and on a whim, I decided to write her a letter.
“Mom,
This is the hardest night I’ve ever had as a mother. I don’t know how to get through this. I want to keep fighting for my dreams in SCW and all of that, but now they’re clashing with motherhood. I don’t want to be a letdown to Kimberly and it hurts my heart to know that I have been. I don’t want my relationship with her to be strained as she gets older because she grows bitter about me letting her down over and over again in the wrestling ring. I can’t experience this again. What do I do? How do I overcome this? I wish you were here so you could answer the questions I’ve had in my head. What am I missing? What do I have to do? This can’t keep happening with Kimberly and I… and this is one of those nights where I really COULD use you…”
I let out a sigh as I put the notebook aside. I lay back on my bed, going through my thoughts on a constant basis until this, plus the exhaustion I was feeling from my match was enough to finally tire me out and fall asleep with so many more questions than answers in light of this latest disappointment…
“Darn it, Miranda, wake the hell up…” I heard the voice of my mother say. I opened my eyes and found myself back in my father’s mansion. I was disoriented and confused for a bit when I saw her, sitting up on the couch I was sleeping on. I saw the calendar across the wall say “January 18, 1992”
“Gosh, it’s about time…” she said sarcastically as she sat next to me.
“...what am I doing here?” I asked her.
“I got your letter, silly!”
“Oh… but why am I HERE?”
“I thought maybe it’d be best to start from the beginning… on the day you first told me you wanted to be a wrestler. There’s no better time than now to remind you of where your journey started. You sure have become one hell of a wrestler, it goes without saying. That little seven-year-old was bold enough to chase a dream considered unorthodox and never give up on it. You’ve still got her in you, sweetheart. That’s why you’re at the top of your game right now…”
“Yeah… maybe I AM at the very best I’ve been in my career. But at what cost? My relationship with Kimberly? What am I supposed to do? Go back to GCW and win their world title again? It would be too easy. I wouldn’t teach Kimberly anything. I HAVE to have that world title in SCW. I HAVE to win it at some point. If I never win it… it’ll be the WORST failure I’d ever have as a mother and I’d have to carry that burden with me forever…”
“Honey, let’s cool the jets a bit. You’re going to win that world title. We know that. We know you’re going to keep believing in that dream.”
My mother wraps an arm around me for added reassurance.
“I DO believe in that dream, but we both know this won’t be the LAST big match that I lose…”
“Miranda, listen to me. Your success at being Kimberly’s role model shouldn’t be defined by wins and losses, okay? She’s a kid, she’ll be thinking about it under those terms… which is why YOU need to improve upon acting like a champion both in and out of the ring, through good times and bad. Saying ‘sorry’ isn’t going to cut it. You’ve got to SHOW HER that a real champion isn’t defined by that win-loss record or how many times you fail to win a world title…”
With all due respect to my mother, I was feeling confused.
“But… don’t I already do that?”
“No, and let me tell ya why. That ‘missing piece’ of the puzzle you’ve been worrying about? It’s giving too much of a damn about what your peers have to say about you.”
“Mom, I don’t get it. I DON’T care about what they have to say anymore, I’ve even SAID as such…”
“So, you’re telling me that Mac Bane calling Mikah an ‘upgrade’ over you and you acknowledging it multiple times is ‘not caring’? Doesn’t bringing up your past failures and trying to cut off other people bringing them up and trying to verbally assault you with those mean that you DO give too much of a crap? You never needed to bring up that garbage at all. Ever. You let the pressure of the moment get to you when you give too much of a crap and THAT’S why you always fall short. You made too big of a deal about the Todd Williams thing and there you were trying to make blanket statements about why something stupid someone stupid said about you ‘didn’t matter’. Well hell, when you even ACKNOWLEDGE those comments, you make them matter and THAT honey, is where you go wrong… every… single… time…”
I had nothing to say knowing that my mother was absolutely right.
“...and when you make them matter to your opponents, you make them matter to Kimberly too and THAT is why she’s so upset. You understand what I’m saying? You WILL be the SCW Bombshells World Champion one day… and that day will come when you stop giving a fuck!”
My eyes widened hearing my mother use that kind of language.
“When you bring up the past, you leave yourself wide open for someone stupid like those rookies you knocked off on the semis to be all over you with that crap, then you get upset about others harping on your failures, then you bring it up again… you see how it’s a vicious cycle that’s holding you back?”
“I do. I never thought of it like that. Just bringing up what Mac said, or what Todd said, that gives them ‘power’ that they don’t deserve to have over me. I see where I went wrong now. I got in my own head… I worried too much about what my opponents were saying about me… I let them take my focus away… and it’s NEVER going to happen again!”
“Good! Because remember, that seven-year-old that told me she wanted to be a wrestler? She didn’t give a damn what anyone thought of it. Your father tried to ruin your dream, but you didn’t give a damn about what he thought even as he tried to torment you and make your life hell. You STILL kept that dream alive because you never caved to him. You gotta quit caving to your enemies like that…”
“I will…”
“Kimberly feeds off of how you handle things. You handle something bad, she will too. Acknowledgement is weakness, sweetheart. Be stronger! Don’t even bring up what someone said about you because their words don’t matter. Don’t you EVER give that bullshit the time of day again, you understand me? That’s how you show your little girl how to be strong in the face of adversity. That’s how you can be the best role model you can be to her and that’s how you’re going to be that world champion VERY soon! Make “someday” today, Miranda… and show Kimberly what it means to be a champion. That should be your one and only purpose now… all of that other garbage is just that.”
My heart suddenly lit up with joy KNOWING what it was going to take to get through all of this. Suddenly, I was feeling reinspired. I leaped into my mother’s arms and gave her a huge hug as a thank you for being there for me when I needed her.
“Mom, thank you so much for that. You’re so right. If that little girl in ‘92 didn’t give a fuck about what anyone thought, why should I? I will have my opportunity again… and when I do, I’m going to remember what you told me.”
“Miranda, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me and anything I can do to help you be the best you can be for my granddaughter, I’m ALWAYS with you…”
“I love you Mom…” I managed to say before that familiar bright flash blinded me and I woke up the next morning.
With my newfound fire, it was time for me to put my epiphany to action…
“I’ve got all the pieces now…” I thought to myself, looking at my sleeping daughter knowing I would find a way to make things right with her.
3-25-2022
“Be safe…” I said to Adrianna as she, Kimberly and company were about to board a plane at Leonardo da Vinci airport in Rome. Kimberly came to me, not knowing what to say.
“I want to go to Greece with you…” she said.
“I know… but… you have school on Monday. That’s important. I do want to talk to you for a minute…”
I kneeled down next to her to meet her eye to eye. I was nervous but confident as I took a deep breath and began to address the big elephant in the room.
“Kimmy, I know you were mad at me when I lost and I know you feel like I let you down…”
“You didn’t mean to… and I didn’t mean it… I was upset and…”
“I know you didn’t mean it, but it did hurt. I don’t want you to say sorry but I want you to know that I will never stop fighting for you. I have to be better and I will. Those ‘mean people’ that say those things about me? I’ve let them get to me and that’s where I’m sorry because I’m not teaching you the right way to deal with that. You don’t deal with it by bringing it up and telling them to be quiet, or that they’re wrong. You deal with it by trusting and believing in yourself to the point where you don’t bring it up at all and THAT’S where I am going to be better, okay?”
“Okay…”
“I’m not going to give them the time of day and neither should you. Don’t let what they say about me hurt your feelings because we know that I’m going to pull through and be that world champion soon.”
“But… all those failures…”
“Kimmy, listen to me. I’m not perfect. I will never be perfect. I will have my moments where I slip and fall and yes, I’ve done that so much with the ‘big matches’. Nobody will ever win all the time. You can’t have success without failure, that’s the way things are in this world and when you get older and you start training to be a wrestler yourself, you’ll understand. You can lose 100 times, but all you need is ONE victory to be a success. It’s not about how many times you lose. How many times you lose doesn’t matter. What matters is getting up and fighting again. THAT’S what makes a champion. I just need to win the world title ONCE and I’m golden.”
Kimberly smiles, warming and inspiring my heart. She gives me a huge hug which I return.
“I love you, mommy! I’m never going to stop believing in you…”
“I love you too, more than anything else in the universe. You are the ONE thing that is ALWAYS going to keep me going… don’t forget that!”
We exchanged our hugs for a little while longer before we said our goodbyes and parted ways. Between the departure of my family and my own departure for Greece, I could only think of what I was going to do to be better and rise above the adversity that I just endured in the Blast from the Past finals.
“Well done, Miranda…” I could hear my mother tell me inside of my head. “...you’ve got all the pieces of the puzzle now. Put it all together and become that SCW Bombshells World Champion you’re destined to be.”
“That’s exactly what I am going to do…” I thought to myself. “No more of this ‘someday’ crap. The real fight starts TODAY! I’m going to get after that title and do what I have to do because the way I see it? Miranda Lynette Rivers has allowed someone else to deny her that world title for the final fucking time. I’m NOT giving up! I’m NOT backing down. I’m NOT going to hide in a corner. You better hold onto that title Roxi… because I’m coming… and this time? I’m not going to settle for a fucking draw…”
Ever since this moment, I’ve carried that fire in my heart…
And as far as this week goes?
That fire WILL be on full display when I win that four way…
4-15-2022
[LIVE ON YOUTUBE]
The LIVE YouTube feed was on and I was feeling great going into the thoughts that I’m about to express. I was smiling and happy as I began to express these thoughts.
“Hi! I’m back on YouTube. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Well, tonight, we’re going to be doing something a little bit different. I have a very special guest… and… let me just say that the coolest job in the world isn’t being a professional wrestler… it’s being this special young lady’s mother…”
I clicked the button that enabled me to allow Kimberly’s live feed into my stream. She looked like she was drawing something.
“KIM! We’re on!”
She had a bit of a shocked expression when she realized this.
“Sorry…” she said sheepishly. “I was drawing something…”
“Yeah? You mind showing the camera what you’re drawing?”
Kimberly shows the feed a comic book drawn in marker that features myself and a redhaired hero…
“It’s a comic book… Super Mom versus ROXI! IT WILL HAPPEN!”
“Oh wow…”
“And SUPER MOM is going to win! It’ll be so much better than Batgirl vs. Supergirl!”
“You bet it is! But, you know, I’m not going to just get HANDED that title shot… there’s a match I have to win first…”
Kimberly puts down the comic and picks up three flashcards. I could only laugh at seeing a drawing of me beating up another woman.
“This is my mommy beating up Mercedes Vargas. I don’t like her. She’s MEAN… and also OLD… and my mommy is giving her disability benefits in this picture…”
My eyes were wide with shock at how savage an eight-year-old could be before she showed me a drawing of me beating Sam Marlowe.
“This is my mommy winning against Sam Marlowe. I think she’s good but… she’s too nice. Mommy has a mean streak that she doesn’t, she has an attitude that she doesn’t and my mommy beat her once already. Mommy, tell Sammy I’m sorry. I really like her and she’s one of my favorites but I just want you to win…”
“Of course…”
Then Kimberly showed the feed a drawing of me stuffing Krystal Wolfe in a trash can.
“...you’re going to beat her too. I don’t hate Krystal but… um… I think blue hair is yucky and I don’t like it very much and I don’t think she’s ready for this chance because she wants her other title. I want to see her beat up that mean, stupid Diamond lady that changes her name all the time…”
I could only laugh at this.
“You and me both!”
“My mom’s gonna win because she wants this more than everyone else and she’s a fighter and she has a big heart and she never gives up no matter what happens and what happened in the tournament doesn’t matter because here she is fighting again and yeah… like my mommy said to me one time: it’s about how you get up and fight again!”
“Exactly! Thanks Kimmy! Mommy loves you! I’ll see you when the tour is over!”
“I love you too!”
I blew my daughter a kiss before I turned off her camera and focused on the task at hand with all the excitement, inspiration and determination my heart and soul could handle.
“Okay, you gotta admit that my daughter is a natural promo right?”
I laughed for a bit before I got serious.
“It goes without saying that this match means the damn world to me. It’s not often that I get another chance right after the Blast from the Past tournament but here we are and I am grateful for it. You saw my BIGGEST inspiration right there. That’s who I want to win that world title for and to be honest, following that tournament, I want that world title even MORE now! With every passing day that I don’t have it, my hunger fucking grows for it. Yeah, I got knocked the fuck down again but here I am, ready to fight another day and it’s that perseverance that is going to put me over the top in this match. You want to know how bad my hunger is right now? Well, let me tell you something. I’m inspired as all hell, but the fact of the matter is that I’m coming into this match with an angry fire too. I’m going to come right out and say this. I’m DONE being the ‘so close’ girl. And that label that has gone around me as the ‘best Bombshell yet to win the world title’? You can shove it up your ass too! I’m coming after it now and I’m not going to let Blast from the Past stop me. The biggest difference between my opponents and I is that after I get knocked down, I come back up and I get even stronger. Now sure, you’ve got someone like Mercedes that can say that she does the same thing. I DO admit that in this weird sort of way, Mercedes, I admire your stubborn tenacity but it’s that stubborn tenacity that is both your biggest strength AND your biggest weakness. You fall and you fall, over and over again, but you get up and dust yourself off just like I do and that’s great but the difference between you and I is that while I evolve and grow along the way to become an even better wrestler, with this week being yet another example of that, you just continue to beat the same dead horse over and over again. You don’t evolve. You don’t change. You figure ‘why should I change? I got nothing to prove to anyone else’
Well does anyone else include YOURSELF too? Because you definitely fight as if you have nothing to prove to yourself anymore. Where’s that damn fire, Mercedes? Where’s that hunger you once had? I haven’t seen it from you since I walked into this company myself. I recognize that you’ve been a champion many times over and have blazed a trail so to speak, but you’ve become the Kmart brand Bombshell in the sense that you’re stuck in the past and that you don’t adapt with the times. You are THE pure definition of being in this match by reputation only b because last I checked? First round elimination in the Blast from the Past tournament. You had a shot to beat Krystal for the Roulette title. Nope. Andrea for the Internet title? Nope. And coming from me, it’s going to sound odd, but I don’t give a fuck, Amber for the world title? Nope. Hell, bought yourself a win lately against someone OTHER than Bea Barnhart? Let’s see… the gauntlet was a big miss for you and the self-absorbed ‘only threat’ in last week’s triple threat was the one that got pinned. Don’t tell me that you want this more than I do, Mercedes because if you REALLY wanted this bad enough, you’d be openly chasing the world title WAY more than you actually do instead of sitting in your ivory tower called Twitter talking shit to everyone for their shortcomings when you really don’t inspire greatness anymore. You lost the hunger to be the best long before I ever got here and in our first encounter with each other, I’ll be glad to show you why I have what you’ve lost LONG ago…
That being said, I know how much my other two opponents WOULD want this, but let me ask you something Sam Marlowe.
Are you REALLY ready for this match? Are you truly ready to make that climb back up the SCW ladder again? You were recently inducted into the Hall of Fame and you could’ve let that be your swan song and your happy ending but much to your credit, you decided you wanted to fight again and that made me happy because that’s the Sam Marlowe I know and love. But at the same time, I am concerned that the problems that plagued you before you disappeared from in-ring action are still prevalent. I hate to group you and Mercedes together because you know how big of a fan I am of you personally, but you too have stumbled into that same trap of being stuck in a time warp slash toxic cycle where any growth or evolution from you isn’t obvious. You’re the same sweetheart that you were before, but I don’t think you’ve really got the bite to get ahead. You’ve admitted yourself that you’re rusty for one and while you surprised the world and submitted Krystal Wolfe… more on that later… in the tournament, in all honesty, it never SHOULD’VE been a surprise. That’s how far you sadly let yourself fall and it hurts my heart to say that, but I’m not going to let anyone or anything deny me what I want. Hell, ever since the tournament, I’ve been doing some reflecting and thinking as to why I can’t get over the hump and basically, I realized that I’m more like you than I thought I was. That’s not to be meant as a SLIGHT on you, but I realized we both had or have the same weaknesses: caring too much about what other people think, worrying about past failures, addressing the past, an inability to let go of said past, you showed it all in spades in the tournament going into your second round match against Candy and Goth and THAT match right there tells me that you’re NOT ready…
You should’ve focused on the present and future, but you spent so much of your time on camera talking about the whole situation with Candy and the Roulette title that happened more than two years ago. It honestly saddened me and I understand that was the moment things really went bad for you. Hearing you say that when I rewatched that promo recently had me realizing ‘wow… I did the same thing in that tournament when I kept bringing up the failures’. Well I’ve LET GO of those failures now, Sam. I’m moving BEYOND the heartbreaks and the events that have brought me down and kept me from my full potential and it’s time for you to do the same. I don’t want to hear about Candy. You’re worrying about ‘solving the problem’ that is her and overcoming your failures… just like I did in the finals… and it cost YOU just as much as it cost me. The big difference Sammy, is that I’m letting go and I’m NEVER bringing up those failures again. I don’t need that crutch and neither do you. As a friend, I have to tell you straight up that it’s time to quit hanging on to the past, just like I’m doing because all you’re going to do is stop yourself from ever reaching your fullest potential. You’ve got it in you, Sammy. I saw that when you submitted Krystal and I felt that when we faced each other for the Internet Championship, but damn it, quit fucking anchoring yourself and put your big girl pants on. You want this match? You want this shot? Fucking show me! Take control of your destiny and quit letting other people and events define you…
Just like what I’m doing…
And I’m NOT going to be denied whatever the fuck I want! I want that match against Roxi! I want that world title. I want to beat her for that world title because fuck it, I KNOW I deserve that chance! I fought her to a draw last time, following a loss, and as a competitor, I CAN’T and I WON’T let that be unresolved and I’m NOT going to let SOMEONE ELSE take that opportunity away from me, KRYSTAL! You’re a fine competitor and your Roulette title reign shouldn’t be brushed aside at all, but holy hell, you’ve been inconsistent lately. Sure, you beat Evie Jordan and that’s great, but where’s your focus going to be? I KNOW how badly you want that Roulette title back. Are you going to let that weigh you down in this match? You’ve had MANY chances to take the next step just like I have, but you continue to fall short and get in your own way. You’ve been very inconsistent since Andrea broke your winning streak. To be at the top, you’ve got to win the big matches against the best of the very best. Andrea? Nope. Amber? Nope. Team Hero? Nope. Keira Fisher, who you had beaten before, you ended up losing the title to. That’s without mentioning the fact that you’ve even lost matches to those you SHOULD be beating like Sam and Diamond and yet… you didn’t…
And speaking of Sam, is trying to even the score with her going to be a distraction for you too?
You’re a great wrestler with the POTENTIAL to become a world champion, but you’re just too damn inconsistent. The biggest name you’ve beaten is Evie and even THAT, you beat someone that just came back and probably had some rust going on. To me, I think you’ve hit a wall. Maybe you let your winning streak and your Roulette run get to your head and thought that you were too good to lose to Sam, but it was especially after that where things started to come apart JUST a bit for you. You can’t become a world champion when you’ve been going on the roller coaster you’ve been going on, especially since in one of your promos against Evie, you even admitted that you got complacent with the Roulette title. Me? I’ve NEVER been complacent. I’ve NEVER stopped trying no matter how bad things get. Yeah, you had your losing streak at the start of your SCW career that you DID persevere through, but for one, you haven’t been tested to the lengths that I’ve been tested at not just in SCW, but my entire career. I wasn’t supposed to come out of retirement in 2015, but I did. I wasn’t supposed to get stronger and be at the best I’ve ever been at in my career as I’ve gotten older but I have and it’s through NOT being complacent and putting my heart and soul into this every fucking day that I’ve become the wrestler that I am.
You think I EVER got complacent with the Internet Championship? NEVER! I even DEFENDED IT, SUCCESSFULLY, against the NOW CURRENT WORLD CHAMPION for fuck’s sake. I went out and put it all on the line and YEAH, we ALL know the outcome to that one, but STILL, I’m beating you in this match because I’m NOT complacent, because I’m NOT afraid to go the extra mile and I don’t take a fucking thing for granted just like you may have done with the Roulette title during your ‘complacency’. You’ve got SO much to learn about what it REALLY takes to get to the next level and this Sunday it’s going to be yet ANOTHER example of Krystal Wolfe struggling to swim with the sharks. You want this title shot? You’re going to have to take it from me and I’m not going to let you do that. You’re not getting in my way. I’m through with allowing other people to do that. I’m not SETTLING for anything less than a win like I did when I drew against Roxi and went ‘well, I didn’t lose this time so it’s progress!’ YOU are the NEW ‘someday’ girl of Sin City Wrestling Krystal because I do think that you WILL be a world champion SOMEDAY but that SOMEDAY is NOT going to be at Into the Void and it’s NOT going to be through ME!
I’m taking this fucking opportunity, Krystal. This is MY DAY to rise up and say that it’s MY TIME now! I control my destiny! I determine whether I’m worthy! I determine whether I become World Champion in this company or not! SOMEDAY it’ll be you Krystal, but I’m DONE saying SOMEDAY because for me, my day IS coming… and it’s coming at Into the Void! I’m not settling for “happy to be here” anymore and most importantly, I’m teaching my daughter how to chase her dreams and get the fuck after it instead of sitting back, hoping and waiting for her time to come. I’m done with ‘hoping’ and ‘waiting’, Krystal. It’s nothing personal against you, but Blast from the Past lit a fire under my ass to BE BETTER and to quit limiting myself and my potential all because I’m worried about what this jackass says about me, what that jackass said about me or this shit that happened last year, or this shit that happened to me 10 years ago… I’m DONE with that Krystal!
I’m DONE settling!
I’m making this MY time!
I’m getting after it and hauling ass in ways that NONE of you can match and my drive, my perseverance and my determination trumps all three of you ladies… COMBINED! Don’t believe me? Don’t care. I’ll SHOW YOU personally when I win that damn four way and punch my ticket to a world title shot and after Into the Void, I HOPE you’re able to handle that burden of ‘best Bombshell yet to win a world title’ that is about to fall upon you when I finally win it myself.
So Roxi… brace yourself…
Because I’m coming…
And WHEN we meet again, with all due respect, I’m settling that unsettled score between us my way!
Nothing but love for you Roxi, but this is business… and you’ll see first hand how bad I really want this…
As for everyone else in this match?
You! Won’t! Deny! ME!"
Needless to say, when I ended the YouTube feed with those words, that raging fire in my heart was beginning to grow into a passionate inferno that was truly about to drive me to a destiny I refuse to be denied much longer…
