Author Topic: I WILL BE THE NEXT INTERNET CHAMPION  (Read 533 times)

Offline Andrew

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I WILL BE THE NEXT INTERNET CHAMPION
« on: April 14, 2022, 03:45:02 PM »
I WILL BE THE NEXT INTERNET CHAMPION

Narrator:  Bill Barnhart got a gift handed to him when the Climax Control 328 card was announced. Even though Bill lost the Roulette Championship to Finn Whelan at Climax Control 326 when Climax Control 328 was announced Bill is facing Jack Washington for the Internet Championship.

BILL AND IRIS RAISE MONEY WITH A LASAGNA EATING CONTESTs

The scene changes and we are taken back to Tuesday, April 5, 2022, while Bill and Bea Barnhart, along with their English Bulldog Iris, were still in Lawrenceville, Georgia, before they traveled to Greece. They are at the Gwinnett County Fairgrounds located at 2405 Sugarloaf Pkwy, Lawrenceville, Georgia, not far from their home. Today Bill and Iris are facing off in a Lasagna eating competition to raise money for homeless people in the Lawrenceville area. Bea will be acting as moderator for the event and they invited Anthony Amey, the Sports Anchor at WSB-TV Channel 2 in Atlanta, to be the official Referee for this event.

Bea:  Welcome to another fundraising challenge pitting Bill Barnhart against Iris the Bulldog. Today they are participating against each other in a lasagna eating contest. Each of them will receive a tray of lasagna that weight three pounds. They will have a maximum of five minutes to devour the lasagna. If one of them can devour the lasagna in that time they will win. If neither of them finishes their lasagna when the five minutes are up then we will weigh the remaining trays of lasagna to see which has the lighter one. The one with the lighter weight tray of lasagna remaining will be declared the winner. Today we have our friend, Anthony Amey, who is the Sports Anchor at WSB-TV Channel 2 in Atlanta. Anthony are you ready to referee this contest?

Anthony:  Yes! Let’s get this contest underway!

The serving staff brings out two three pound trays of lasagna. To ensure there is no cheating they weight both trays to ensure both are exactly three pounds. Both Bill and Iris are satisfied that this contest will be fair and equal.

Anthony:  Bill. . .Iris. . .I have in my hand an air horn. When I blow the air horn the five minutes allotted for this lasagna eating contest begins. When the five minutes are up I will blow the air horn again and the contest will be officially over and both of you must immediately stop eating. However if one of you finishes your tray of lasagna before the five minutes are up then you are automatically declared the winner. Are you two ready?

Bill:  Hell yeah!

Iris:  Woof Bark! (interpretation:  Hell yeah!)

Anthony Amey blows the air horn and this contest is officially underway. Iris dives face-first into her tray of lasagna immediately putting Bill behind. Bill realizes this and he picks up the pace and he manages to come up even with Iris at this time.

Anthony:  One minute has elapsed. Four minutes to go!

Bill takes the time announcement as his incentive to pick up his eating pace. Iris isn’t going to let Daddy Bill get away with passing her up eating lasagna so she picks up the pace also. Both are about one fourth done with their trays of lasagna.

Anthony:  Two minutes have elapsed. You two have three minutes left to devour the remaining three-fourths of your lasagna!

Iris picks up the pace of eating faster than Bill does. However in the process Iris sucked  in a bit too much lasagna and she starts coughing and gasping. Bill takes the advantage by consistently eating without choking like Iris just did.

Anthony:  Three minutes are gone and both contestants are just shy of the half way point in their lasagna with Bill quickly closing in on the half way point.

Iris has a look at her face that indicates it is all or nothing for her in this contest so she continues to gulp, swallow, and gasp, but she’s making better progress now and it appears she’s passed Bill up by a bit.

Anthony:  Four minutes are up. Only one minute to go and both Bill and Iris are just barely past the half way point in their pans of lasagna. This is going to be an interesting finish!

Bill picks up the pace and passes Iris. Iris speeds up and passes Bill. They go back and forth several times but the time has run out and Anthony Amey blows the air horn to end the contest. Both Bill and Iris stop eating and now the weighing of the remaining lasagna needs to take place.

Anthony:  That’s it! This contest is over! The serving staff will now weigh both lasagna trays and whichever tray is lighter that person, or dog, will be declared the winner.

With both lasagna trays containing just a bit less than half the lasagna this will be a close weighing event. They put Bill’s lasagna tray on the scale and he comes in at one pound four ounces which means Bill ate one pound twelve ounces of lasagna. When they put the lasagna pan of Iris on the scale it comes in at one pound six ounces which means Iris ate one pound ten ounces of lasagna making Bill the winner by two ounces.

Anthony:  The winner of this lasagna eating contest, by two ounces, BILL BARNHART!!!

The crowd cheers but Iris is obviously sad she lost. Bill and Iris comfort her and they remind her of the many contests she won against Daddy Bill. They hand Iris all of the remaining lasagna from the two trays and Iris quickly forgets about being sad for losing against Daddy Bill.

Bea:  I have an envelope here with $2,500 that was donated by the community in Lawrenceville, Georgia, and we are giving this money to the City of Lawrenceville to help homeless people. Thanks to everyone who donated to this fundraising event and for you who came out today to watch Bill and Iris compete and cheer them on!

The scene changes are we are taken to today in Crete, Greece, where Bill will be taking on Jack Washington for the Internet Championship. We see Bill and Bea sitting at a table which appears to be in the broadcast studio at the Theodoros Vardinogiannis Stadium. Bill is casually dressed in blue jeans and a black pullover shirt and Bea is casually dressed in slacks and a white buttoned shirt.  The techs in the studio inform Bill they are now live broadcasting.

I WILL BE THE NEXT INTERNET CHAMPION

Bill:  Jack let me start my comments by informing you that I’m going to be the next Internet Champion. That will happen on Sunday, April 17, 2022, at Climax Control 328, and there’s not a damn thing you can do to prevent me from winning the Internet Championship. How can I make a bold statement like that? Let me inform you of the facts.

Bea:  You tell him Bill.

Bill:  One reason you cannot defeat me comes from Climax Control 326. What happened on that day Jack? You faced my friend, Senor Vinnie, in a non-title match and he defeated you but you were fortunate that the Internet Championship wasn’t on the line in that match. You’ll be defeated again at Climax Control 328 but this time by me and I become the Internet Champion.

Bea:  Bill Barnhart. . .Internet Champion. . .that has a nice ring to it.

Bill flashes a big smile.

Bill:  So, Jack, shall we review your Championship history to date? You won the Heavyweight Championship on September 27, 2020 and lost is 3 months later on December 20, 2020. Then you regained the Heavyweight Championship on March 7, 2021 but lost it two months later on May 23, 2021. And now for the Internet Championship you currently hold. You obtained the Internet Championship on March 20, 2022, and I assure you that you’ll lose it to me on April 17, 2022, at Climax Control 328 for a one month reign. Hmmm. Something just popped into my head. You total combined time as a Champion for the two Heavyweight Championships and your current Internet Championship is less than my one reign as Roulette Champion. The concept concerning Championships isn’t to hold a lot of Championships and lose them quickly like you’ve done. The concept is to earn a Championship and retain it for a respectable amount of time. That you have failed to do.

Bea:  Nice slam dunk Bill.

Bill grins larger this time.

Bill:  Let’s get a few things out in the open Jack. Have you faced me in the wrestling ring yet? Nope! Are you aware that I’m going to defeat you and walk away from our match as the Internet Champion? Nope! You’re delusional thinking that with your pathetic record of winning championships and quickly losing them that you can defeat me. You seem to fail to take into consideration that I held the Roulette Championship for six months. I successfully defended it several times. I didn’t earn the Roulette Championship and lose is quickly as you did with the Heavyweight Championship. People like you enjoy making jokes about me as a wrestler. You all had your fun but when I became Roulette Champion and retained the Championship for six months all the jokes stopped. When I whup your ass and become Internet Champion all the harassment from others stop and everyone will wake up to who I am and what I’ve accomplished and they will start praising me.

Bea:  Well stated Bill.

Bill flashes a Joker from Batman type of grin.

Bill:  Another thing I want to get out in the open. Recently Goth won a multi-wrestler match with the winner obtaining a shot at the wrestler who is holding the Internet Championship at the next Super Card. I know you were cowering when you saw Goth win his match because I know you don’t want to face him as he’s an impressive wrestler. But who are you facing at Climax Control 328? ME! And here’s a bit of history for you. When I worked in Asylum Wrestling Alliance I took out Goth more times than he took me out both inside the wrestling ring and outside the wrestling ring. Not only in the wrestling ring as a wrestler but in a personal way as I worked as his Assistant in helping with the Federation. So imagine what you’re facing this Sunday. A wrestler who was able to take Goth out of action more times than Goth was able to take me out of action. Plainly stated you are facing me, not Goth, and after I win the Internet Championship from you this Sunday I’ll be the wrestler defending against Goth at the next Super Card. Then after I defeat Goth, and properly retain my Internet Championship, the entire wrestling world will stand up and salute me!

Bea:  Although I know other wrestlers, and most of the viewers, don’t like me reminding them of my Manager status in Bill’s corner during his matches I’ll state my position anyway. I’m in Bill’s corner as his Manager to ensure there are no run-ins on his matches, no cheating by his opponents, and no other illegal activity in the ring. So, Jack, if you attempt illegal stuff during the match I’ll inform the Referee and keep you in line. If others try to run in on the match to help you they’ll be stopped and taken out before they get to the ring. You’ve been warned. Take my warning seriously.

Bill:  Thanks Bea. Jack I’m a wrestler who goes all out in every match. I never hold back. I’m a wrestler who never once demanded or begged for a shot at a Championship. Every shot given to me was given to me by Management because they like what they saw in me and wanted to give the Champions a challenge. If you think I don’t make an impression on Management by performing my job well in Sin City Wrestling remember that I never beg or demand Management for shots at Championships. Unlike the rest of you who demand shots at Championships when you didn’t earn it I do my job and don’t beg and demand anything. Take into account that two weeks after losing the Roulette Championship to Finn Whelan we saw Management sending me to challenge you for the Internet Championship. There’s a full roster of wrestlers that most people feel are more deserving of a shot at you but I got it. Did I beg Management for this match? NO! Did I threaten them if they didn’t give me this match against you? NO! Did I bribe them with money or other favors? NO! I got this shot because I’m an amazingly gifted wrestler and they acknowledge that fact!

Bea:  Woo Hoo!

Bill laughs loudly then continues with his comments.

Bill:  Jack I’m not a stand-up comedian but I have a few stand-up comedy lines I’d like to present to you. . .

What do you call a man who had a penis injury and had an artificial penis made for him from wood? WOODPECKER!!!

What nickname do you call a man who has a wooden artificial penis?  WOODY!!!

What do you call a wrestler who has held three Championships in Sin City Wrestling, who quickly lost the first two, then at Climax Control 326 he lost his match against my friend, Senor Vinnie, and now he’s going to lose the Internet Championship to me at Climax Control 328? LOSER!!!

Bill and Bea both roar with laughter. The techs in the studio inform Bill and Bea that they are taking a one minute commercial break then they will return to broadcasting.

AFTER THE COMMERCIAL BREAK

CLOSING COMMENTS

Bill:  Final recap of what I stated to you today Jack. ONE. . .you suck. TWO. . .you’ll lose the Internet Championship to me at Climax Control 318. THREE. . .I’ll be defending the Internet Championship at the next Super Card. FOUR. . .You’ll never be able to defeat me. FIVE. . .Have fun leading up to our match this Sunday, if you are able to remain calm and relaxed knowing who and what is facing you, and I’ll see you on Sunday in the Main Event!

Bill gives the CUT sign to the studio staff and they cut their feed and our screen goes dark.