Author Topic: Facing the Demons  (Read 86 times)

Offline Andrea Hernandez

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Facing the Demons
« on: April 01, 2022, 11:56:16 PM »
April 1, 2022

I had just finished having my hair done moments before I was to rehearse a political rally that was going to take place later. However, what seemed like it was going to be a normal day was far from that when I felt nothing but anger going through me. Normally, I would be hyped as hell to do a political rally, but there was a growing anger in my stomach that was causing me to really think about things and not exactly in the best way.

When thinking about my Internet title defense, as I have all week of course, I was furious when I remembered how the SCW PR team described me as “possibly shitting myself”. Angelica Romero, my personal interviewer who had just finished my hair, noticed that I was in dream land so to speak because of this growing anger.

“What’s going on, Andrea?” she asked me.

“Nothing…” Angelica expressed a lack of amusement at what I told her.

“You have been off all week. Ever since the card came out and you found out that you were going to have your toughest title defense yet against Masque, you’ve been… how do I describe it?”

“Angelica, let me ask you something. Are we doing an interview right now?”

“Technically not…”

“So why are you asking me questions off the record, huh?”

“I’m not asking you as an interviewer, I am asking you as a friend. You’re not actually WORRIED about the challenge ahead are you?”

“OF COURSE NOT!” I reacted with a snapped anger that caught Angelica off guard.

“...WOW! I was only asking a simple question.”

“Have you SEEN the way SCW has been hyping up this match talking about how I ‘might be shitting myself’ and acting like I should be afraid? It’s like they’re trying to psyche me out a lot more than my mundane, dime a dozen opponent is going to try to do. SHEESH! The match gets booked and EVERYONE is acting like it’s a fucking instant death sentence for me. You don’t think I’ve heard the podcast listener calls? Read all the predictions online? Seen the columnist blogs acting like I’ve got NO CHANCE to win against her? You haven’t felt the vibe around here as if losing this match is inevitable? For FUCK’S sake, Angelica! Read the damn room!”

“Alright… SORRY….” Angelica said with an exasperated sigh. “It’s political rally material if there ever was any…”

“Right… speaking of, I guess I better get this fucking rehearsal over with…”

I walked out of the dressing room and down the hallway. Suddenly, it all started to flood my conscience…

“Aaaaaand…. The streak is over…” I read earlier in the week on a stupid prediction blog.

“ANDREA IS FUCKED LOL!” I had read on a fan forum.

“Andrea SHOULD be shitting herself if she isn’t already…” I heard someone on a podcast say.

“It’s all over but the crying…” a stupid wrestling YouTuber had said two days ago. “Just give Masque the title already. There’s no way Andrea wins. This is where her winning streak finally ends and she’s just exposed as a fluke that got by with wins over cupcakes like Jessie, Seleana and Mercedes…”

Remembering this among other things that had been building up over the week really spiked my anger as I walked into the auditorium. Lorenzo and Regina were giving mock cheers in the audience as I stepped up to the podium but I sure as hell wasn’t feeling this whatsoever.

“As usual, this company is trying to misrepresent me and portray me as feeling or being something that I am not because they HAVE ALWAYS tried to slander me at every turn…” I said to begin the rehearsal. “I can go down a laundry list of things, you know?”

“YOU CAN’T WIN THIS ANDREA…” I heard a voice in my head say, causing me to pause. “JUST GIVE IN! YOU KNOW YOU CAN’T WIN! YOU KNOW YOU’RE ABOUT TO HAVE YOUR ENTIRE WORLD COLLAPSE AROUND YOU!”

“Shut up…” I said softly, causing Lorenzo, Regina and Savannah to look confused…

“Crystal is lurking in the shadows you know…” the voice in my head reminded me. “Even if you were to win, you’d still have to DEAL WITH HER… and we all know YOU NEVER WANT TO DEAL WITH HER AGAIN… not after the most EMBARRASSING MOMENT OF YOUR CAREER. Take a dive Andrea… for your own good…”

“Shut the FUCK UP…” I said into the microphone. “ALL the haters are coming out of the woodwork trying to DRAG ME DOWN and act like the SKY IS FALLING but at the end of the day…”

“...at the end of the day, it’s better to just give in and accept your destiny as the bridge champion to someone better than you…” the stupid voice in my head blurted out, causing me to stutter something unintelligible into the microphone. “...you’re better off for it. Trust me… anything to NOT have to deal with Crystal again… anything to avoid reliving the trauma of two High Stakes ago… you can’t beat Masque… why even bother? Just accept that your streak is as dead as YOUR FATHER…”

“I’VE FUCKING HAD IT!” I screamed into the microphone as I flipped the podium over, destroying it. This shocked my team as I grabbed an axe used for fire emergencies and I smashed the podium to splinters. Lorenzo got up and tried to stop me, but I immediately raised the axe to him to get him to stand down. From there, I completely destroyed the stage. Banners were ripped off the walls. A window was broken. Chairs were being thrown off the stage, nearly hitting Savannah in the head.

“I’m DONE with this shit! I’m DONE! I’m SO SICK of this PRESIDENT OF THE INTERNET SHTICK! I’m DONE with the political rallies. I’m DONE with the stupid YouTube mockery videos. I’m DONE!!!!”

“Andrea, what the hell?” Regina blurted.

“I’m DONE with this whole SHTICK! Cancel the STUPID political rally! I’m THROUGH with being something I’m NOT! It’s OVER!” I screamed as I stormed off the stage and bolted through the door that was nearby. “Don’t FUCKING FOLLOW ME!”

I made my way down the hallway sticking the axe inside of a wall on the way to the nearest bathroom. I walked into that bathroom and slammed the door shut, locking myself in it. I took a few deep breaths to try to calm myself down, even running the water for a few moments and splashing it into my face. I was almost at the point of hyperventilation when all the outside gossip surrounding my next title defense really caused me to have a panic attack.

“It’s not HER…” I said to myself, referring to Masque. “It’s SOMETHING in my head… I don’t know what the FUCK it is… but it’s something in my head that got triggered by the avalanche of BULLSHIT I’ve dealt with all week from all the haters and critics… I’m NOT afraid of that dime a dozen BITCH… I’ve seen plenty of her over my career… I’ve beaten many LIKE her over my career. She’s really an upgraded version of Maki, honestly.”

“But you’re afraid of the consequences…” I heard the voice of my father say. I knew that this was all in my head, especially when I looked in the mirror and saw him standing next to me. I knew he wasn’t REALLY there, but my mind had reached a point where having him next to me really felt like a place of comfort for me. “...you’re not afraid of losing the title, or the streak… you’re afraid of the consequences. You’re afraid of having to deal with the nonsense you ALWAYS deal with every time you lose a match…”

“But I haven’t lost a match in more than 16 months…” I remind him…

“The last one you lost still has an effect on you…” he countered. “For 16 months, you’ve had the opportunity to ignore the dark cloud that has hovered above you ever since that loss. But with an opponent that is tougher than you’ve faced before? You can’t ignore it anymore. It’s time for you to finally face that loss and to face EVERYTHING that you had to endure because of it. No matter what you accomplish, you still haven’t forgotten that HORRIBLE feeling of losing a match to Crystal…”

“Dad, I hate to admit it… but there’s a part of me that… in a way…”

“WANTS you to lose?” my father said from the mirror, causing my eyes to widen in shock. “So that the burden of your win streak and the possibility of having to face Crystal again is erased? I raised you better than that, Andrea…”

“It makes NO SENSE for me to be on her STUPID list when SHE GOT HER REVENGE ALREADY…”

“Not the point…” my father said to me. “You’re done running away from this. FACE IT! Focus and confront the trauma that was born within you from that I Quit match… that’s the only way you can win this weekend… because that match? It WAS your darkest moment. You’ve ran from it for 16 months. Face it…”

I sighed as the vision I was having of my father in the mirror disappeared. The god awful memories of High Stakes 2020 were starting to drown my mind at this point. I could remember all the sights, sounds and even smells from that day and from the immediate aftermath of it all. Tears were even starting to come up when I remembered the psychological trauma that came out of me… starting from right when I got out of that hospital…

November 2020

I remember feeling god awful when I was discharged days after the I Quit match against Crystal. I was feeling sick to my stomach for days and even at this point, that sickening feeling was still pouring through me. Along my way out, just the sight of a metal object in the corner of my eye was enough to trigger me, flashing me back to that moment where I nearly took a screwdriver to the eyeball. The not in my stomach just kept growing the closer I got to the door and had to face the general public. I was feeling a tingling sensation go down my spine and outright embarrassment consuming my soul when the door to the hospital opened and I walked through it. I looked around to see if there was anyone around. Fortunately, there wasn’t. Taking  a deep breath, I began to walk toward the parking lot.

I would be stopped in my tracks when I heard a noise on the sidewalk and saw that a screwdriver had landed right by my feet. I could only squint my eyes and bathe in the humiliation I was feeling when I heard a fan laugh at me.

“Are you gonna QUIT again?” I heard him say. I looked at him and he wasn’t alone. It was a group of Crystal Hilton fans that were standing by and they were chanting the word ‘quitter’ at me over and over. I clenched my fists and swallowed my pride feeling like it was the only thing that I could do again.

“WOW… all the crap you did to OUR GIRL and you QUIT? MAN! You really ARE SHIT! You really ARE a flash in the pan…” another of the Crystal Hilton fans said to me. The humiliation wasn’t over as I dealt with one of the fans throwing a foam dodgeball and hitting me right in the chest.

“AW! I really wanted to hit the eye! I mean… I would’ve done what Crystal did had you… ya know… NOT quit…”

In a fit of anger, I flipped off the group of Crystal fans much to their laughter as I walked over to the parking lot, found my car and wasted no time getting in it. The Crystal fans were coming after me, shouting epithets like “loser”, “quitter”, “overrated” among other slurs at me as I backed up my car as fast as I could, not caring if I ran any of them over. I drove away, but not before a tomato hit the back windshield. I heard their laughter as I drove away and found a private spot to park. Feeling utterly humiliated all over again (as if saying “I Quit” to Crystal Hilton wasn’t bad enough), I broke down in tears. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was entirely unsure about how to stomach the most embarrassing, spirit crushing loss of my career that made losing the world title to Evie look like a mere pittance in comparison…

Present Day…

I shook my head all while I was shaking myself. It was very clear to me that the match still haunted me no matter what I had accomplished since then. I even reached for my eye just to make sure it was still there. The wind was definitely knocked out of me. That loss, even though it was 16 months ago, was still causing me to suffer a minor anxiety attack in the form of a shortness of breath that was gripping me to the point where I felt like I was suffocating…

“You took pride in humiliating other people ever since, all because of that, didn’t you?” I heard myself say in my head. When I looked in the mirror, I imagined my younger, rookie self from the UWA days in the mirror talking to me now. The naive, inexperienced version of me was a version of me I never imagined ‘seeing’ again, but there she was, as close to being in the flesh as she can be. “You’ve felt insecure about yourself for more than a year, so you’ve taken it out on other people. With your silly little internet skits, you’ve mocked the likes of Jessie, of Seleana, of Dani Weston… just to name a few. You’ve taken out these insecurities on the likes of Sam Marlowe. It almost feels like this Sunday, you’re finally about to pay for your sins, isn’t it?”

“What do YOU know?” I asked the UWA version of myself. “You didn’t last long…”

“The way I was raised… the way I was brought up in this business… I would’ve never stooped to the lows that you’ve stooped to. Don’t you see it? You’ve been bathing in your own personal hell inside of your head ever since Christina made you say “I Quit”. It STILL bothers you… every time you’re facing a challenge like the one coming up, you’re always worrying about RELIVING that match even though it has NOTHING to do with that situation. You’re traumatized by that night. You know it. Take it from me… the one that was always mocked and humiliated by everyone in the UWA locker room. Would losing the title this weekend really cause mockery in the locker room to THAT level?”

“...no…”

“Hell, whatever mockery you dealt with after losing to Crystal wasn’t even UWA bad. You’re supposed to be smarter, more experienced and far superior to me. ACT LIKE IT!”

I grew a bit angry when the UWA version of myself disappeared. Then, I continued to face my own personal one-night darkness.

November 2020

“...I’m not really awake, am I Clarissa?” I asked one of my best friends when I met her back in the hotel room, trying to be in complete denial that High Stakes ever happened. “I’m living a bad dream. I HAVE to be. I REALLY didn’t lose to Crystal… I REALLY didn’t say those two words…”

Clarissa looked extremely uncomfortable, especially knowing already that I was taking the loss rather hard.

“You did…” Clarissa said, almost wanting to cringe.

“No….” I said, still denying it. “...that’s NOT supposed to be how it ended… she was NOT supposed to win. I was supposed to put her away for GOOD and forget that she ever existed. This was supposed to be OVER!”

“It IS over…” Clarissa said, further causing my anxiety to drastically increase.

‘Maybe if I just… I don’t know… maybe if I just never showed up in Sin City Wrestling at all… and I could’ve avoided all of this… and I would’ve never met her and…”

“Andrea…”

“Maybe if my dad never died… maybe if I wasn’t cursed to always be the bridesmaid to someone else… there has to be another match right? It CAN’T end like this…”

“You promised me that you were going to move on from her no matter what the outcome was, remember?”

My heart sank as soon as she reminded me of that.

“...yeah…”

“It’s DONE, Andrea. It’s over!”

“It can’t be…”

“It IS…” Clarissa said as she walked out. “You’ve got a promise to keep and for your sake, you better keep it…”

Once Clarissa was gone, everything around me didn’t exist anymore.

“My career is over…” I thought to myself. “There’s no fucking way I am ever going to live this down. There’s no way I am going to overcome this. There is just no way I can ever even have a career in SCW after this. I don’t ever want to show my face in that company again…”

The tears rolled down my face at this point feeling exactly how painful that whole experience was.

“How could I be so HORRIBLE?” I asked myself. “How can I even lose to someone like HER? I’m SO SUPERIOR TO HER… how is this POSSIBLE? How can I ever even BOTHER showing my face again considering that? I’ve got nothing now… I don’t know how I am even going to rebuild from this. I’ve got to be the biggest joke in the company now… I’ve got nothing… I’M nothing… I’m so alone in all of this…”

I would not sleep well for an entire week following this day. That lonely feeling of darkness pervasing through me was overbearing. I remember the feeling of never wanting to wrestle a match again. I could never forget how close I was to submitting a written resignation to SCW and how I HATED walking into the next SCW show after that match having to endure even ANY mockery from any Bombshell that I had come across. These awful feelings were truly the darkest hour of my wrestling career, PERIOD!

Present Day

“Yeah… I’m still in pain from that experience…” I admitted to the mirror. I saw the vision of my father come back into view. “I admit that I’ve been running away from that loss and that I’ve wanted to avoid Crystal at every turn since then. I HATE to admit it, but it’s true. How can I run away from that any longer? It’s been burned in my brain ever since and no matter how many wins in a row I put together and even with the title reign that I’ve had, I’ve never been able to get over it.”

“Admission is the first step toward healing, Andrea…” my father reminded me.

“I’ve always had this fear of reliving that horrible night all over again…”

“Wouldn’t it be worth it?” my father asked. “Would it not be worth your time and your pride to avenge that? Imagine the satisfaction you would gain from proving everyone wrong this weekend and then finally facing that horrible woman, beating her, and putting her behind you. YOU are the one with the revenge to gain, not her. Remember that. This week? You can take the first step to finally healing and moving on from this. Be strong, alright? You’ve got this. Don’t listen to all the negativity or all the voices that are surrounding you. You control your fate, not anyone or anything else. You can beat this dark cloud, Andrea… I believe in you!”

I didn’t have anything else to say before the vision in the mirror disappeared again. From here, I did attempt to calm down. I did try to put the pieces together and make the best effort imaginable to shut out the darkness.

And yet… I could still hear the darkness whisper to me.

I could still hear that pain speak to me in my head.

I could still hear the doubt telling me that I was never going to live down what happened with Crystal, that I was never going to be the wrestler that I was destined to be, that I was always going to be that bridesmaid that was never going to be seen as the top Bombshell in SCW, and that I was never going to be a world champion again. This was the point where I literally had enough.

The wounded pride that STILL hasn’t recovered from that horrible I Quit match 16 months ago was starting to bubble inside of me.

The darkness got louder inside of my head and the moment that my memories began to play the moment I said “I Quit” to Crystal Hilton while my eye was about to be gouged out by a screwdriver, I decided that I had enough.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!” I screamed to all of the voices in my head, as well as all the idiot haters that were already writing me off this week, all the fans and all the other Bombshells that have ever had a laugh at my expense, and all of the critics acting as if I was doomed to fail against Masque. I saw an image of Crystal in the mirror and that’s where I REALLY snapped.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!! I screamed again as I punched the mirror right where Crystal’s face was supposed to be, shattering it on contact. I could already see my knuckles bleeding and I was quick to turn the hot water on and run my head underneath it. I was taking a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. Someone on the outside was knocking on the bathroom door.

“Andrea?” I heard Savannah say as I shut off the water. I grabbed some of the toilet paper and wrapped my hand with it to stop the bleeding all while I was in shock from the hard punch and seeing the mirror as broken as it was. I opened the door and Savannah walked in. She noticed the mirror and my hand immediately and she was shocked.

“What the hell did you do?”

“Just everything got to me…” I admitted. “The idiots writing me off and misrepresenting me as if I am doomed as if I am shitting myself really got to me because it triggered memories… BAD memories… of my last loss sixteen years ago. I hate to admit this to you, but I’ve never gotten over it. I WANT to… but GOD, it’s so hard to do so… especially when that fucking BITCH is breathing down my neck again wanting to run up the score wanting ‘revenge’ that she already got the last time we faced off in a singles match…”

“Hey, Crystal isn’t important…” Savannah reminded me. “I understand you’ve got your demons and you’ve got to face them, alright? But you ARE capable of winning this weekend and you ARE capable of putting that dark cloud behind you. Don’t let some idiots that know nothing about wrestling or the horrible anticipation of how others may or may not react in the locker room to one of your losses say otherwise. You’re BEYOND what happened with Crystal, WAY beyond that. You got through Dad’s death too. What you’ve done since your last loss? Nobody can take that away from you and that’s something you CAN’T forget…”

I nodded, acknowledging where my baby half-sister was coming from.

“Yeah… you’re right. I guess I reached my breaking point. Ugh, maybe I should get an evaluation just to make sure I don’t have PTSD from that Crystal match…”

“Worry about that later, okay?”

My sister hugged me trying to calm me down. I took one last look at the mirror that I shattered and realizing that now I had to be on the hardest journey of my career in overcoming that 16 month old dark cloud… and GOD was that first chapter coming up this weekend going to be an uphill battle or what?

Later…

The camera was on me as I sat on the same stage that I had destroyed earlier. I was all alone, sitting among the ruins of my now CANCELED “political campaign” shtick that I had ran with for months. I didn’t regret doing any of that. But what I was regretting was feeling so damn insecure in myself over someone that SHOULDN’T matter and seeing a reminder of that in my bandaged right hand. Despite what the IDIOTS in the media or in the Sin City Wrestling public relations team were wanting to say, it wasn’t FEAR that I was feeling, it was a unique motivation and determination… those that were reminding me so much of how I was feeling prior to facing the odds that I faced when I won the SCW Bombshells World Championship in the first place.

“She’s JUST ANOTHER OPPONENT…” I reminded myself in my mind as that determination exploded. “...nothing but HYPE… nothing but people blowing smoke up her ass… smoke and MIRRORS… all of it….”

I let out a bit of an angry sigh as I began to express my thoughts.

“THE SKY IS FALLING! THE SKY IS FALLING” I said with a mocking tone of voice. “RAPTURE THIS! RAPTURE THAT! BLAH BLAH FUCKING BLAH!  Yeah, it’s not like I haven’t heard it all before. The idiot fan base and all the stupid podcast prognosticators acting like I’ve already lost the Internet Championship to Masque when the match hasn’t even happened yet. I’ll say this… before I REALLY dive into this BITCH. I was never upset or angry that I suddenly found myself in a title defense against her. In FACT… the first word that came to mind was FINALLY… as in FINALLY, I’m not being fed fucking CUPCAKES the way Krystal Wolfe was during most of her Roulette title reign. FINALLY I am NOT having to settle for challengers like Jessie and Seleana. From a COMPETITIVE standpoint? Yeah, I got NOTHING to complain about. HOWEVER, what DOES piss me off is how the IDIOTS that release the cards and the public relations team behind them wants to act as if I’m “scared shitless” of her. OH MY GOD! I’m a DAMSEL IN DISTRESS that’s about to FINALLY GET IT, RIGHT? That’s what the IDIOTS that promote the card WANT you to think. It’s not the first time they’ve misrepresented me but that’s neither here nor there. I WILL say this though…

No FEAR of Masque…

I mean… why the hell should I be afraid of someone that hasn’t really beaten anyone worth mentioning up to this point for starters? Why should I be afraid of someone who is honestly not any different from other wrestlers that I’ve encountered that are similar to her? Oh because she’s never lost in singles competition? Get the fuck out of here with that. You see, YOU are just someone that gets by on mind games and psyching people out, preaching about RAPTURE this and RAPTURE that, acting like you’re going to DRAG ME TO DOOM AND GLOOM, subtweeting your yawn-inducing BULLSHIT with your customized Twitter text acting like it’s anything special but I am going to let you in on a secret here… you’re NOT special. You’re smoke and mirrors. You’re someone that’s “cool” and “edgy” and “different” when you first walk in the door, but when it all comes down to it, you’re just another bitch… so yeah… save me that “rapture” talk that you’ve used with your other opponents, save me that talk about “OH THERE’S DARKNESS SURROUNDING ME AND I DON’T KNOW IT” and “I’M GOING TO BRING THAT DARKNESS AND MAKE HER WORLD BURN…

No really, get the FUCK out of here with that stereotypical horror movie BULLSHIT!

Believe me, I’ve had my battles with darkness throughout my career… and I’m not talking about stereotypical horror movie bullshit like Maki or someone like you… I’m talking about REAL darkness… I am talking about enduring PSYCHOLOGICAL HELL over and over again. I’m talking about events that criplled me for a while and should’ve brought my career to a grinding, screeching halt, but didn’t. I’m talking about the last time I lost a match to someone like Crystal Hilton sixteen months ago. That SHOULD’VE been the end of me in Sin City Wrestling if we’re being honest. I didn’t have any business bouncing back from that. I had no business at all ever showing my face in that locker room again considering that I WAS the mockery of the Bombshells locker room to the point where a then-debuting Krystal Wolfe tried to make a name for herself at my expense by throwing that whole thing in my face only for her to FAIL in the end and become victim number ONE of nineteen consecutive victories leading up to this point. And yet, bouncing back? That’s exactly what I did. I’ve suffered my fair share of embarrassments in my time in Sin City Wrestling. I’ve been thrown out of battle royals by Mercedes Vargas of all people. I’ve had people like Keira fucking Fisher act like I was OVER AND DONE WITH and thinking that I would never bounce back from losing the SCW Bombshells World Championship. I’ve overcome it all… in my CAREER… not just here in Sin City Wrestling…

ALL forms of darkness and toxicity over my career…

Hell, my own father never wanted me to become a wrestler at all and until just before he died, he wasn’t necessarily the father I always wanted him to be.

My own MENTOR psychologically and even PHYSICALLY abused the shit out of me in front of the entire world. Yeah, you think having your top torn off and getting beaten with a belt buckle in front of everyone while you’re tied down to a bench isn’t fucking humiliating and isn’t something that would make you not want to show your face again?

The first company I ever wrestled for as a singles wrestler was toxic as fuck, a political hell hole, a high school like environment and a place that nearly drove me to quit this business because I was so sick and tired of being the resident whipping bitch of the entire cruiserweight division. They nearly ripped out my passion for wrestling out of me.

OCW, the company that I wrestled for before I got here? Toxic, sexist environment dealing with the old folks bullshit that wanted to hold me down and prevent me from ever reaching a main event caliber level… a level that I eventually reached here in Sin City Wrestling.

My father’s death…

The most embarrassing, humiliating moment of my career against Crystal two High Stakes ago…

You bet your fucking ass that in one form or another, I’ve swam in that darkness many times and I’ve survived it all and I KNOW that your empty, shallow, bullshit ego can’t handle this Masque, but the fact of the matter is, for the first time in your Sin City Wrestling career, you’re facing someone that has survived WORSE than ANYTHING you could ever put her through. I’m loud, I’m boisterous, I brag, I act like I AM the shit, like I AM the baddest bitch on the block, that I AM the most dominant Bombshell in the company, because I AM! I speak my mind, I speak the truth and nothing BUT the truth. I KNOW who the hell I am in this business, alright? The only reason you’ve skated by as much as you have is because you haven’t faced an opponent worth a damn that can expose ANY weakness at ANY given night and with YOU? I know WHY I am going to beat you and it’s a REAL simple concept. I don’t run and hide from pain. As you just heard, I OWN that pain. I can be stubborn about it and NOT want to deal with it at times, but eventually? Yeah, I fucking deal with it because that’s what makes a fucking champion in this business.

I’m NOT YOU

I don’t HIDE BEHIND A MASK.

I don’t know who the fuck you are, I don’t care to know who you are. All I know is that there’s no way someone like you could ever scare me because people like you are the REAL cowards. Yeah, you hide behind that mask. You go ahead and rely on your psychological bullshit. You play that game and you try to strike fear in the hearts of others because you know that without the mask that you wear, figuratively and literally, without hiding behind all this rabble rousing some old shit that you do every time you turn the camera on and talk about the same old rapture, that you’d be exposed. You don’t TRUST your abilities in that ring enough and that’s why you and people LIKE you have to resort to the mind game, rapture bullshit. It’s literally one of the oldest tricks in the wrestling book, Masque. Me? I never had to rely on that shit. I’ve always relied on doing what I have to do to win. Someone like you is internally weak on the inside, most likely because they went through some horrible times growing up or at some point in their life they suffered a traumatic event of some sort but nah, you want to hide behind a mask and never talk about that shit because FUCK being vulnerable, right? Why even HIDE behind a mask to begin with?

What are YOU afraid of?

What makes YOU tick?

Of course, you NEVER talk about those things because you ARE the real coward here. The real FEAR is within YOU… not me… YOU! I’m not going to GUARANTEE that I am going to expose that fear within you, but I AM going to find out what makes you tick. Your typical shtick is these preambles and platitudes and mind games that everyone in the wrestling business has heard before, mixed in with trying to talk about the ‘inadequacies’ of your opponent which… alright… let’s play weather girl. What are you going to say about me?

“You’ve never faced real competition before me!”

“Someone else…” namely Amber Ryan because DUH… “is more dominant than you”

“You have to hype your shit to hide how inadequate you are”

Something about my father and him being dead…

Some type of mind game about that as if it’s going to fucking affect me at all…

“You’re afraid of going for the world title because you know you’re not good enough…”

“Your world is about to crash and burn because of me…”

“You’ve only won X amount of matches because you’ve never faced real competition…”

Am I getting warm yet?

Insert mind game.

Insert rapture quote.

Insert stereotypical violent threat nonsense.

Am I on fire yet?

Oh wait, you wanna dig into my last loss and the summer of hell that I went through too?

Or would you rather talk about how I called for better competition for my title and how you bet I am scared and shitting myself just because I don’t waste my time on fucking TWITTER spewing the nonsense you’ve spewed all week with your cryptic nonsense and your borefest fuckfest you’ve got going on?

This is not to decry or to denigrate your wrestling abilities or anything of that nature because at the end of the day, your win-loss record is your win-loss record, but when you REALLY break it down, to ME anyway? You’re just smoke and mirrors. Boy I can hardly wait for the social media backlash I’m going to get when this thing airs…

I mean really… Masque… for as good of a wrestler as you might be, when I look at someone like you, I see someone that is the REAL April Fool’s joke around here. You’re one of those wrestlers who once they have their first definitive loss, whether it’s to me or whether it’s to another Bombshell, that the cracks and the chinks inthe armor are going to show and little by little, those cracks are going to grow until your entire facade falls apart and you fade into the darkness, to be forgotten about. Hey, maybe it’s YOU that is on the downward spiral and doesn’t even know it yet? Maybe beating you on Sunday is going to REALLY kick that downward spiral, yeah? You might be the toughest challenger I’ve had to date with this title, I will be the first to admit that, but just because you have the media, the fans and those stupid little nerdy prognisticators all up your FUCKING ASS doesn’t mean that you’re going to win. But at least when you look at the real picture here when it comes to who is real and who isn’t, at least I can go to bed at night knowing that I AM real, that I DO wear my heart on my sleeve, that I say what I say and I fucking mean it. I can sleep at night knowing that I don’t have to hide in the shadows, that I can be ME, that I can say “FUCK THE HATERS” every single time I step into that ring and add another win to the win column. But don’t worry Masque… lest not thy ego be bruised… don’t fret… because I KNOW how much you actually want to MEAN something in the big picture… and you do…

…it goes beyond another win to the win column.

It goes beyond retaining my title.

It’s about REVENGE for me… not against you… I have no reason to seek revenge against you…

It’s about FINALLY quieting a CERTAIN SOMEONE that constantly INSULTS ME by running up the score against me by wanting “revenge” that she’s already had… it’s about the road to FINALLY moving past the fucking DARK CLOUD that has hovered above my head for 16 months and getting to move on with my life and my career NEVER having to see that woman’s face again and ending this fucking thing with her on MY terms. You might be the biggest speed bump on that road up to this point, Masque… but you’re still JUST a speed bump to me. I have no reason to fear someone that truly fears themselves and their own insecurities and is CLEARLY running away from something even if I don’t know what that something is. If beating you is what I have to fucking do in order to get to her, so be it. I have had it with people thinking that they know who I am. I have just about had enough of being disrespected, misrepresented, being treated like I’m some kind of fucking coward, painted as something I’m not… I mean SERIOUSLY… it gets VERY tiring after SO damn long. The only one that knows who I am is me, PERIOD and the only one that controls my future IS me, PERIOD! But you?

You’re going to try. I know that. But what I am going to promise you is that you are going to FAIL.

I’M going to be the one that ends up being your kryptonite, you understand that? I’M the one that is going to be the “BRINGER OF DARKNESS” here because what’s going to happen is, I AM going to find a way to win and I AM going to remain the Internet Champion and THEN I am going to leave a psychological scar… or is it an egotistical scar… oh what the fuck is the difference… and it’s going to be YOU that winds up hating yourself and it’s going to be YOU that is going to be driven to desperation because when it comes to people like YOU in this business, like say… Maki for example, that’s EXACTLY what happens… just about every single time in this business. Your first REAL loss in Sin City Wrestling is going to drive you so mad that I actually want to apologize in advance to the Bombshells on the roster for what I MAY be about to trigger.

Not like I fucking care, all I care about is REMAINING the SCW Bombshells Internet Champion at all costs no matter what I have to do, getting to Into the Void and FINALLY shutting CRYSTAL HILTON THE FUCK UP so that she can QUIT trying to run up the FUCKING SCORE against me and she can QUIT putting my name in her mouth. Sorry Masque, you’re just a stop along the way… NEVER the destination. At the end of the day?

STILL undefeated!

STILL the SCW Bombshells Internet Champion!

I’m Andrea Hernandez, THE DOMINANT BITCH ON THE BLOCK… and I appr…

PFFFT…

“President of the Internet”...

Yeah, FUCK THAT!

All I give a damn about now is conquering that 16 month old dark cloud… beginning… with…. YOU!

I signal to the camera, allowing them to cut off the feed. I take a deep breath, obviously feeling better. Looking around, I see the wreckage that I caused and the remains of the now-retired “President of the Internet” shtick that I’ve grown more than willing to move behind from and I walk off the stage and out of the auditorium feeling pretty damn good about what’s to take place on Sunday…