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Offline Alicia Lukas

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18
« on: April 01, 2022, 10:03:10 PM »
Session 18: The beginning of the end

”So, we haven’t talked about Michael”

”There’s a reason for that”

She delivered the line bluntly. No emotion, no hesitation. Just a flat delivery with a raised eyebrow. Dr Whitlow huffed under her breath and scribbled on the paper. Alicia just shook her head and turned looking toward the door. Her hands clasped together as she let out an indignant grunt. Something felt off, different. Something in Alicia had changed. The last few months, seeing her Doctor, they had helped.

Confronting things from her past, all the ghosts and demons, it made her realise who she was. Not a victim of her mistakes, but a product of them. It had given her a fresh outlook, but this was one road she didn’t feel the need to walk down. One that she didn’t want to. The wound was still open and fresh, still bleeding. And it made her uneasy, uncomfortable. And it was in a way that she didn’t want to controint. But, that never stopped Whitlow.

”Violet” Her name. It inflamed her anger. Her fists clenched as she folded her arms over her chest. A few deep breaths and she was able to calm herself down. ”Michael is the last barrier. The last moment in your life that is causing you regret. If you face it…you’ll be able to move on..”

”From what?”

Her bright blue eyes trailed up to look the aging woman in the face. Dr Whitlow. Someone who Alicia had looked up to for the last few months, someone she had grown close to now seemed to look like what she was. A frail old woman. ”If you examine what happened, maybe you can mend the rift.” Her voice trailed off. Alicia pushed herself up from the chair moving around the office.

She refused to lay down, refused to revisit this as deeply as Dr Whitlow wanted. Infact she was holding it back,m pushing it down into the pit of her stomach. She ground her teeth together and growled. Whitlow shook her head and took her glasses off, putting them on the desk next to her. ”I thought I was supposed to confront my failures…this wasn’t MY failure. And there it was, the reason why she refused to walk down that path, to confront this one. In her mind she hadn’t done anything wrong.

Dr Whitlow stayed calm, her hands sitting in her lap as she tilted her head, her long salt and pepper hair tied back and clipped high. Her eyes, a similar shade of blue to Alicias seemed to glow as she sighed. ”It was still a pivotal moment…and one you havn’t talked about. Michael was the reason you came here….and three months ago your marriage all but ended…” She sat higher in her chair, relaxing her shoulders. ”So let’s examine why…”

There was a tense moment of silence between them. Alicia looked away and shook her head. After some time, she turned and gave a nod to the old woman. Still not happy about this, but understanding why, she sat down, leaning forward on her own knees, balancing her elbows as she clasped her hands together again, her golden locks dangling down as she took in a long deep breath. ”He….always wanted another child…maybe even a girl…”

His touch was soft and tender, his strong jaw lines framing a youthful face that betrayed his age and wisdom. His fingertips danced along her cheekbone, sliding her hair behind her ear as he leaned in to kiss her. The laughter of her sons stopped the moment. Rory and Ryan ran passed with a few other children they had made friends with. The park was full, families were out enjoying the sunshine. Alicia smiled watching them, Michael sat up and grabbed a bottle of water twisting the top and handing it to Alicia. She raised it and winced before switching from her right arm to the left.

”How long until you see the orthopedic surgeon?” Alicia shrugged as she took a sip, Michael shook his head and pulled his knees to his chest. ”Are you even going to? Or are you just going to rehab it and hope for the best?” Alicia shot him a look and sighed, Michael shook his head back and put his hand on top of hers to get her attention. Frustrated by her unwillingness to answer his questions. ”Are you afraid? Afraid that they’ll tell you it’s time to retire?...would that be so bad Ali?”

”No…I mean, yes. I’d be sad but….if I had to give it up I could.” She was lying. Michael knew it. He could see it in her eyes.

He looked over at the boys and smiled calmly, his demeanor changing as he squeezed her hand again. ”If you couldn’t, or if surgery would limit your movement and do more damage….would retiring be that bad?. We could..try for a baby.” And there it was. Michael and Alicia had talked about this before. When they got married he asked if she wanted more children, at the time she said yes, but as the months moved on to years Alicia realised that she had so much more to do, to accomplish.

Things she couldn’t do if she took two years off to have another child.

Michael stared, his eyes asking the same question over andf over. Alicia closed her eyes, she wanted to tell him, she needed to tell him. She got the courage up into her chest and turned to him. But the second she looked into her eyes, she faltered. ”I….” He tilted his head, squeezing her hand again as she looked down at their wedding rings, sitting on top of one another as their hands stayed locked. She moved back up to his face, leaning in for a small kiss on his lips, pulling back with a tender smile. ”I’ll talk to them Monday. And I’ll see what my options are. Maybe it is time. But I just don’t know…”

She smiled weakly, it was her trying to pass off how she felt. Michael swallowed hard, his smile faded, his shoulders dropped and his back arched. He was clearly upset. But, he hid it. He pushed it down and gave Alicia a small smile and a njod before leaning forward and placing his forehead against hers with a laugh. ”If you and I are meant to have a child then..I guess it’s in fates hands right?” Alicia smiled and gave another nod. Rory and Ryan laughed. Alicia looked over at them, the other children laughing and smiling.

Part of her wanted it.

But, another part of her didn’t…

”You could have told him then…”

Dr Whitlow sighed heavily, Alicia cleared her throat and shrugged turning toward her. ”Yeah, I could have. But part of me didn’t really know, or didn’t want accept it.” She looked away again, closing her eyes as she remembered the pain, the pain in her shoulder, the pain in her heart. That moment, where she could of broken Michzaels heart but maybe saved her marriage. ”I love…loved him. I did…but sometimes that just isn’t enough.”

She paused, that was a moment in time, but not the moment. Dr Whitlow finished her note, put the pad down and sighed with a shake of her head, removing her glasses and rubbing her tired o0ld eyes. ”Next time…I need you to tell me what ended it…can you do that?...it’s the only way you can know if you really want to be a wife in the future..or a mother.”

Alicia ground her teeth and turned, a switch had been flipped and she stepped toward Dr Whitlow, leaning down to get to the old woman face. ”I am going to make one thing, ONE FUCKING THING perfectly clear. I was happy as a wife, and I am a great mother. I love my sons, I would DIE for them. But nobody, not my mother, my father, my ex boyfriends or husbands, or my kids…or YOU…can tell me what I am supposed to do with my goddamn life…”

The situation seemed out of control, Alicia felt rhe anger in her build up, her head ached and felt as if someone was squeezing her temples. She stepped back, her hands were shaking. Dr Whitlow stood up and smiled with a small nod raising her hands up/ ”It’s alright Alicie…it’s alright…..go home..get some rest…we can pick this up next time…” Alicia swallowed hard again and gave a nod, moving passed D rWhitlow, she was so tired, so tired of all of it.

She just wanted to sleep….

A melted Candy

”You’re all blind….which is ironic isn’t it?”

Alicia sighs heavily, her hands moving up through her long blond hair as she grunts and pushes herself up to her feet.

”I have told you all that she is evil. That she is someone who cannot and must not be trusted. But do any of you listen to me? Do any of you take what I say as truth? See the last few months I have been dedicated to eradicating not just stupidity but undue arrogance from Sin City Wrestling. Now, I know there are questions about Wolfslair and our future. Let me be very clear about this. Wolfslair as an idea, as a gym, as a movement will always be there. But, as group? Well that is different.”

“Thing is, I have never needed that side of it. Alicia Lukas is a star, a bright shining star and one of the best professional wrestlers on this goddamn planet. And when I am done wiping Candy off the bottom of my boot I will turn my attention back to what I deserve. What I need.”

“The Sin City Wrestling Bombshells title.”

“See, for the last few months I have been lost. Wandering around in a haze of not remembering who and what I am while also allowing myself to just simply, exist. Think about that, one of the most dominant women in this company and I was happy to just exist. See that’s what this business does to you. It chews you up, it spits you out. It forces you to no longer be special. And that’s the thing, there are only a handful of women in this company that feel special.”


She laughs to herself. Shaking her head as the realisation hits her.

”Amber, Roci, Myself, Andrea, Myra. We all feel special. Like we have accomplished things that so many others have struggled to do. But Andrea is fading, Roxi has had to pull herself back up in resurrection after getting her tenth or eleventh shot at Amber. And AMber herself. A woman who broke my records. What does she do now? Where does she go? Everyone else in this company who has felt special, Mikah, Dani even Crystal at one point, they have all fallen into mediocrity. And I was letting it happen to me…”

“And I will be really honest with all of you. I was not okay with that. Not at all. So, as I stood and watched a woman who has nothing special about her get handed the fucking keys to SCW my stomach tuened. Candy got to make decisions that impacted people who were infinitely more talented than her. She got to make stupid matches with stupid stimpulations that made a fool of mpeople like myself. Real wrestlers, real women who live and breathe for the combat. Candy got to try and make us all look foolish.”

“And we all had to sit there and eat it.”

“Learn to love the taste of shit indeed.”

“And I have had to watch this idiotic piece of shit stumble through her career and somehow stay employed, stay popular and in some cases succeed. All while doing things that if others did, they’d get vilified for. Straight up made into pariahs and destroyed. Yet, she does what she wants. Little miss Candy is so innocent and so amazing right? The glitter is nothing but a fun little gimmick that is just so fucking pretty and doesn’t hurt anybody…”


She rolls her eyes and throws her hands in the air. Alicia’s look, demeanor and attitude in stark contrast to Candy. Alicia's long blond hair flowing down her back and shoulders, down her leather biker jacket and black T-shirt with the logo of the Swedish rock band Ghost.

”Until it does. And not only does the glitter present a danger to your eyes but, it is a cheat. It’s a cheap cheating move that everyone turns a blind eye to. An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind right? Well Candy is not going to get revenge on me. She is not going to get her pound of flesh and walk away with a win. And why? Because Candy is simply not good enough. However, the fact that this has to take place with us both blindfolded is fitting but also a joke.I would love to see what I am going to do to Candy…cause everything I am prepared to do…is well worth it…”

“She’s a joke, and not even a funny joke that can be passed off as fun or charming. She is the type of joke your aging Aunt tells you when you’re five years old that you cackle like a lunatic at. Only to still be her go to joke when you’re 12 years old…that you now roll your eyes and and just want to stop hearing.”

“She’s such a bad joke, Will Smith is warming up his pimp hand as we speak…”

“Is that topical enough for y’all? But the fact remains, Candy is someone who so many of us can’t stand. From the happy go lucky attitude, to the stupid glitter, to her ugly fucking dog, the truth with Candy is that she isn’t talented so she has to use this stupid shit to stay relevant in a world that has moved on from rainbows and unicorn farts.”


She speaks through gritted teeth, her bright blue eyes flash with fire and anger. She slams her fist on the table, it causes the can of Monster energy on the table to shake.

”And the worst part about you Candy? You can’t even stand up for yourself. You were in a match in the blast from the past and your focus was on me. Well, Marcus' focus was on me. And he was the one who unleashed a tirade on me. You left lame traps ansd smiled and did you usual idiot behavior. Meanwhile your husband decided to run his mouth. And the truth is Candy, there is a small amount of truth in what he said.”

“I am jealous of you.”

“I am jealous of the fact that you can be such a huge joke, do stupid things that would get others thrown out and somehow get handed opportunities week in and week out. I am jealous of the fact you are universally loved when all you do is make a fool of yourself and a mockery of the wrestling business. Everything you do is a offense to me and people like me. Women who bleed and sweat and dedicate themselves to the purity of professional fucking wrestling.”


She shakes her head and looks away, growling under her breath before looking up, her nostrils flare as she tilts her head.

”I hate you…I hate you with everything I am.”

She pauses again letting her words sink in before standing up straight and folding her arms over her chest.

”Blindfold or not, joke or not I am going to get in that ring and do everything I can to hurt you, to break you and to put my mark on this business again. Because you Candy are nothing but a stepping stone back to where I need to be, where I deserve to be. This isn’t about the internet title, the mixed tag team titles or the roulette titles. No, not at all. This is all to bring me back up to that one title that really matters, the championship that everyone wants to hold yet so few people are capable of.”

“The Sin City Wrestling bombshells title. A championship that will never, ever be in Candys possession. A title she can’t even get a shot at because she will never be good enough to pull herself to that level, to become the star that I am.”

“Honestly, Candy you should be thanking me. You should get on your knees and hand me all your goddamn skittles and junior mints and milk duds and whatever else you have because I am dragging you, kicking and screaming up the card to a higher level than you would ever. EVER. Reach on your own. Or with your idiot husband talking for you.”

“And trust me on this. If he utters my name again, I will drag his titred, broken down, needs viagra to compensate ass down to the ring and I’ll make him my bitch.”

“But, in Greece, you and I will have our eyes hidden, we will get in the ring and I will break you in half. Because that is what you deserve, that is what you need and that is what I want. Good luck Candy, you’ll need it against me.”