KARMA’S A BITCH AND I’M KARMA’S HIT MAN
Narrator: Before coming on screen to give you the introduction to Bill Barnhart’s comments on his upcoming match I had a meeting with Bill and he told me the general concept of what he plans on talking about. Simply put Bill said that Karma is a bitch and that he’s Karma’s hit man. With that out of the way I turn you over to Bill Barnhart.
The scene switches and we see Bill Barnhart in his room at a hotel near the Provident Credit Union Event Center in San Jose, California. With him in the room is his wife and Manager, Bea Barnhart, and their English Bulldog Iris. Bill looks into the camera and launches into his comments.
Bill: There’s a statement that goes KARMA’S ONLY A BITCH IF YOU ARE. Applying that to our oppoents, who are backed by Mac Bane and Ken Davison, they’re all a bitch and will be taken out by Karma. I want you to know I’m Karma’s hit man. Damn it’s fun being Karma’s hit man! Since Mac Bane and Ken Davison are both a bitch and they are standing behind the tag team of Dominick Strife and Supreme Machine, we already know they will get involved in the match to attempt to screw us out of the win. I’m here to let them know if they get involved in the match in any manner, except to offer support and give suggestions and advice to Dominic and Supreme Machine, then all the rules are off the table and anything goes. I assure Mac and Ken that getting involved in this match, and getting destroyed by us in the process, is not what they want. Now that I have those comments out of the way I wish to address other items before getting into direct comments concerning our match.
BACK TO AN INCIDENT DURING BILL’S HIGH SCHOOL DAYS
We are taken back to when Bill Barnhart was attending Skyline High School in Oakland, California. We see Bill and his friend Steve parked on the side of a street, with Bill’s car, when another car drives up and stops. Two classmates from Skyline High School, Jerry and John, who hate Bill and Steve, get out of the other car and confront Bill and Steve.
Bill: Oh, great, the scum of the Earth just showed up to give us some shit.
Steve: We got this Bill.
Jerry: Oh, look, two f*cking losers, Bill and Steve, ready to get their asses kicked.
John: Are you two ready to get beat down?
Bill and Steve look at each other, then they look at Jerry and John. Bill and Steve flip their middle finger at Jerry and John and tell them to f*ck off.
Jerry: Wrong move to try to intimidate us.
John: You’re gonna get hurt now!
Jerry and John charge Bill and Steve and try landing blows but they miss terribly. Bill and Steve land several blows then they shove Jerry and John to the ground then they get into Bill’s car, start the engine, and threaten to run over Jerry and John. Jerry and John wisely get into their car and try to take off to avoid getting whacked by Bill’s car. Since Jerry and John are scared shitless they swerve into traffic and get hit by an oncoming car. Fortunately for Jerry and John the other car didn’t cause enough damage to injure them but their driver’s side door is crushed and there’s enough other damage to prevent them from moving the car. Bill and Steve pull up alongside Jerry’s car, roll down their windows, and yell at Jerry and John.
Steve: That will teach you not to mess with us! Ha ha ha!
Bill: That shows you assholes how Karma works. Karma rose up and slam dunked you for trying to do something illegal. I’m glad I’m associated with Karma as it sure is fun being Karma’s hit man!
At that comment Bill hits the gas and speeds off down the road. He looks in his rearview mirror to see the police showing up to investigate the accident. Knowing Jerry is going to get arrested Bill and Steve do a HIGH FIVE and continue driving off into the distance.
RETURN TO CURRENT TIME
Bill: Ahhh I remember an incident when our former friends Jerry and John attacked me and my friend Steve and we got the advantage on them and then Karma rose up and kicked their ass. It’s always fun to watch Karma work to f*ck people up who are assholes. Speaking of assholes we have a match at Climax Control 316 where we face a pathetic tag team consisting of Dominick Strife and Supreme Machine. They have the backing of Mac Bane and Ken Davison. I find it amusing that two losers are being backed by two losers. Double losers are amusing. Mac. . .Ken. . .the only reason you are involved in this match is to interfere in the match to try to screw me and Vinnie out of the win. That’s not gonna happen. Not in this match. . .not in our nexte match. . .not ever. You seem to be able to talk the talk but you’re not able to walk the walk. I’m telling you now, before the match happens, so that you cannot claim you didn’t know, if you get involved in the match and try to interfere in the match in any manner, all rules will be thrown out and it is all out war. Me and Vinnie are not going to get screwed over by pathetic jerks who can’t face us directly so they have to try to gang up on us. Nice try but that shit won’t work against me and Vinnie.
Bill grins toward the camera.
Bill: D’oh!!! Dominick, Supreme Machine, Mac, and Ken, you know that exclamation from The Simpsons. That’s the common thing Homer Simpson utters when he realizes he f*cked up. You four will be uttering that exclamation, and many more, if you try to cheat or interfere in the match and me and Vinnie give you the beat down of a lifetime. You’ll utter that exclamation when you realize you should have just shut the f*ck up and turned around and walked away. I don’t take shit from anyone and neither does Vinnie.
CALLING FOR HELP FROM JESUS OR AN EXCLAMATION KNOWING YOU’RE TOAST?
Bill: One of my close friends during High School was Steve Truelson. We used to do sleepovers at each other’s house all the time. We were always getting into trouble with our parents but we didn’t care. During one sleepover at Steve’s house we stayed up late and we decided to shoot off fireworks. We set off fireworks outside Steve’s bedroom door which led to the walkway on the side of the house then jumped into bed to pretend we were asleep to make it look like it wasn’t us who did the fireworks. I remember my friend’s father, Clyde, woke up from his sleep due to the noise and he yelled what I thought was CHEEZ-IT like the crackers. I asked Steve if he thinks his father is hungry and he asked me why I asked that question. I said because Clyde is yelling for CHEEZ-IT so I thought he wanted crackers. Steve laughed and told me his father wasn’t yelling for CHEEZ-IT to get crackers he was using the name of Jesus as a curse word by screaming out JESUS!!! as more of a curse.
Bill lets out a loud laugh.
Bill: Mac, Ken, Dominick, and Supreme Machine, I told you that story about Steve’s father, Clyde, for a reason. First for Dominick and Supreme Machine if you play by the rules of our match and don’t cheat, don’t violate the rules, and don’t have Mac and Ken interfere in the match you’ll lose the match but we promise not to seriously hurt you. However if you cheat, violate the rules, or have Mac or Ken interfere in the match, you’ll get severely hurt and may end up retiring from wrestling. Is that a threat? Nope! That’s a promise! As for Mac and Ken I state publicly that if you have to resort to cheap shots, cheating, and attacks on other wrestlers, to try to get noticed then you’re damn sure more pathetic than I thought. Me and Vinnie don’t cheat. Me and Vinnie don’t rely on interference in our matches. However me and Vinnie take revenge on those who pull that crap on us. You have a choice to make. Play by the rules or get taken out and possibly sent into retirement. That’s not a choice me and Vinnie have to make. That a choice you four have to make. Remember, though, that you have to live with the choice you make. If you start the attack on us then me and Vinnie will finish it and you’ll get hurt. You can call on God, Satan or Jesus. . .or even CHEESE-IT crackers, but I tell you there are not enough supernatural powers, or CHEESE-IT crackers, in the Universe that you can call on to help you beat us down. If you think I’m joking then try. . .just try. . .I dare you.
CLOSING COMENTS
Bill: For our opponents, Supreme Machine and Dominick I let you know that myself and Vinnie will not tolerate any cheating or interference. If you need the help of Mac and Ken to defeat us then you are two pathetic pieces of shit and need to be flushed down the toilet. As for Mac and Ken you need to know that your actions have an effect on how you’re seen by the other wrestlers and the fans. If you want to cheat and interfere in the match to help your two puppets, Supreme Machine and Dominick, get a cheap win, that’s fine as I’ve already told you we’ll deal with that in more than one way. One thing I hate with a passion are cheaters, liars, and people with illegal behavior. Me and Vinnie have had enough of the bullshit from the rest of the Roster. Your puppets wrestlers, and you two, either play the game by the rules or your wrestling careers are over. Your choice to make. We’ve made our choice. See you on November 21, 2021, at Climax Control 316.
Bill informs the camera person that he’s done with his comments. They call into the Network to tell them that and the Network tells them to cut their camera feed and when the camera person cuts their camera feed the screen goes dark.
