[Christian Underwood]

Post all roleplays for this match here.
Limits: 1 roleplay per week, per character, 10,000 limit.

Good luck!

[DistortedAngel]

“No one tells you it’s all about to change, to be taken away. There’s no proximity alert, no indication that you’re standing on the precipice. And maybe that’s what makes tragedy so tragic. Not just what happens, but how it happens: a sucker punch that comes at you out of nowhere, when you’re least expecting it. No time to flinch or brace.”
― Blake Crouch, Dark Matter






Grizz’s House
Somewhere in Georgia, GA
20.05.2009
04:22pm



Simple and suburban, everything the man that owned it wasn’t.

Unobtrusive and towards the end of a quiet street, Amber could count on one hand the amount of times she’d been here since falling in with Grizz and Cassidy Parker- and somehow every time she failed to brace herself for the normality of their home. Somehow she’d always expected broken down vehicles and pieces of carnival rides now left to rust and  the faint smell of overused oil and sugar lingering in the air- instead a sprawling lawn sloped down towards the footpath, with no picket fence in sight and patchy with deadened yellow. Painted all round in an off beige, the second floor window frame on the right always seemed to stick out from the house slightly despite every effort made to repair while the front step had crumbled slightly at the edges with continuous wear.

Word had it that Grizz willingly gave up the house in his divorce from Cassidy’s mother, Valerie. Many who knew had called him an idiot, that he’d have been better off fighting her tooth and nail for everything he could- and those who knew more said nothing cause it invariably had fuck all to do with them.
Still, speculation was that Grizz had been looking out for Cassidy’s interest- most holidays and whatever schedule they could agree upon at the time, Cass would live here while Amber stayed out on the road.

Everytime, without fail, Cassidy would come back complaining about having to go back and forth, while Amber would solemnly swallow the pang of jealousy that would undoubtedly creep up into the back of her throat.

Pulling in behind the familiar, old grey pick up- Amber fondly recalled learning to drive and remembering to skip third cause the truck would otherwise start coughing out black smoke, nearly rolling it more times than she dared to admit in fields and farms no longer sustainable while Cassidy squealed in the passenger seat. Grizz would always just  turn the other cheek as the pick up came back covered in mud and dust, the girls tumbling out as their cheeks flushed red and their mischievous smiles radiated seemingly for miles.
Time hadn’t been kind to the old truck though as rust had permeated everywhere that seemed to matter and the back window had faint spider cracks tracing outwards from a small chip impact.

More often than not, the few times they’d stopped had been simply for a night passing through, followed by a quick peck on the cheek for the ex wife as she cussed him right back out the door again. Thanksgiving one year had been celebrated here- although the turkey somehow ended up in a bonfire and someone down the road had called 911…

God, that must have been at least years ago by now…

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes…”

Standing on the edge of the porch, hand up shielding from the afternoon sun that skimmed just below the roof, Grizz beamed whilst wiping a little sweat from just above his brow. Lumbering down the couple of steps, his frame seemed impossibly large against such a mundane building and the salt and pepper growing through the mane of wild, tied back hair seemed more prominent than ever- with arms wide, he embraced Amber roughly, jarring her 5’8 frame in such a way that only a former wrestler could.

“Yeah, well I had a show in Atlanta coming up so I asked around to see if you guys were in the area.”

A small chuckle escaped the forest of facial hair as he released his grip on the 20 year old redhead, pride flushing his cheeks a soft ruddy.

“Come on in, Valerie is away for work so you won’t have to worry about taking off your shoes or remembering which spoon to stir your coff---”

“What the hell are you doing here?!”

Virulent, almost screeching to the point Amber could have sworn there was an echo- Cassidy Parker emerged with a scowl etched so heavily into her face you’d have thought it were carved in stone. Thick curls still bounced around her face, framing what would usually have been the warmest brown eyes you could imagine- replaced with dark stones anda crinkle in her nose that would have been cute if she weren’t so thoroughly pissed off.

“Cass I-”

“No. No you don’t… You made your choice, you made it very clear who and what mattered most to you.”

It wasn’t like that at all, and everyone knew it however Cassidy could only find solace in the hurt and anger she’d harboured. Amber had been offered an opportunity that had been little more than a dream growing up, like something out of a lifetime movie only with more black eyes and split lips. Before, Cassidy had been nothing short of supportive, maybe more so than anyone else except Grizz- however that had rapidly changed when reality stepped in, when shit got real and Amber started making preparations to leave… What had once been aspirational, now was framed as narcissistic and selfish.

Claims of abandoning everyone, that would be back at the first sign of things going sideways, that when it all fell apart, that they wouldn’t be there to catch her when it all inevitably fell apart- somehow those became routine in their arguments as Amber tried to defend the fact that her hard work had every right to come before other people's feelings and dreams.
Cassidy had said she understood, however the house of cards quickly came tumbling down once things started to get a little too real.

“For fuck sake Cass, why is it so hard for you to just be happy for me?”

Dejectedly, Amber could do little more than cock her head to the right as though trying to understand and salvage what little she could of this destructive sequence.
She’d come here seeking comfort, trying to step out of the loneliness that had become her professional life, she’d come here to commiserate about struggling to figure out where she fit in among a locker room full of personalities that seemed too large to share a spotlight. Many had vastly more experience than she did, and those who didn’t had meaningful connections or a natural charisma that drew people into their aura- all Amber had was the exact thing she’d left the carnival with… Two fists and a heart full of grit.

Hell, all she really knew how to truly do in a ring was outlast.

How the fuck was she supposed to turn that into a meaningful career?

“Cause you walked out the moment a better opportunity came along Amber, you used us. You used me and then tossed us aside when you had nothing left to squeeze from us. Now you wanna stroll back here and expect us to be happy to see you, throw our arms wide and embrace you like family when you made it very clear we weren’t.”

“Cass, that's enough.”

“No Dad, it's not enough. How can you just stand by and let her walk all over us, you gave her everything… and she left us with nothing. I’m your daughter, not her. Just because she’s this big time star now,  doesn't change which blood you share.”

“Cassidy!”

“No, she’s right.”

Purposely, while steeling a glare of her own, Amber stepped towards where Cassidy stood in outright teenage defiance. Closing the distance likely wouldn’t change anything, however Amber wanted her to know and to understand whether Cassidy liked it or not- that Amber meant every word.

“She’s always been right. Be damned if anyone tries tell you otherwise Cass, be damned if anyone gets to be anything or do anything that somehow affects your convenience- tell me, what would you prefer I have done?
Just turned them down in favour of getting blackout behind the ferris wheel every other night, turning a blind eye when Sticky wants to get a little handsy and you’re feeling a little too grown up for your own good. Am I supposed to spend my life doing backflips for an audience who doesn’t care that I might land badly and break my neck just so you might not be put out…”

Brushing her hair from her face, Amber tried to stifle the sarcastic smile that tugged on the edges of her mouth.

“As tempting as that might be- we both know that I’d have been fucking stupid to let it go begging and I have no doubt you would have been the first person to tell me so… So yeah, maybe I am being selfish Cass, but that's up to me. There aren’t job prospects for someone like me out there when all I can really do is punch people and throw in a sick flip every so often…
It might all be bullshit and games to you Cass, but this is my all or nothing. This is my everything and if you think for a second I’m gonna give that up cause you’re feeling hurt...”

Throwing up her hands in fake surrender, Amber took two steps back and turned away from Cassidy with a shake of her head- that sarcastic smile taking hold while her eyes seemed almost doleful and full of regret. Everyone talked a big game about sacrifice, Amber mused with the shake of a head, about giving up everything for something they loved- but no one ever seemed to talk about how those around them would respond, almost as though sacrifice and determination only ever meant something to the people giving anything up.

“Well, then I hate to be the bearer of bad news… But your feelings do not get to take priority over everything I’ve worked for.”

Moving back towards Grizz, she forced herself to meet his gaze.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry for a lot- just not for the reasons that I’m supposed to be it seems.”






******



“I wasn’t sure how to feel going into this…

God, my stomach has been doing backflips and I’m pretty sure I haven’t slept more than a couple hours in the last few days. I couldn’t really put any of it into words- but then I had this… interaction the other day with a fan.
Respectful, yet wary unlike most who just wanna get as close as they dare before fists start to fly- and I won’t go into the whole thing cause it's astounding enough that anyone would approach me in public, but this really struck a nerve that I hadn’t quite expected.

See, it's a father and his little boy. Probably late 30’s if I had to make a rough guess, the kid still small enough to hold his hand and after what amounted to little more than polite small talk- he places a hand on my arm and says to me' ‘you know, I’ve never really understood why can’t you be more like the other bombshells? Why can't you be more like Alicia Lukas, Roxi Johnson or Candy. Why can’t you be more like Myra Rivers…’

Please understand that at this point I kinda tuned out, that the universe seemed to hit the pause button on my brain- and since then I’ve not stopped thinking about it. I know he didn’t mean it as anything offensive, simply an enquiring mind wondering why I can't simply placate the world around me I suppose.
Still- why can’t I be more ambitious like Alicia Lukas, why can’t I be more open-minded and warm hearted like Roxi Johnson, why can’t I be more gregarious and optimistic like Candy.

Of course, the answer to that is quite simple… Cause I wouldn’t be the world champion if I was.

Obviously that's not a slight, it's just stating fact and I have no doubt that you’d agree if you didn’t possibly dislike me and the way I conduct business- or if you hadn’t retired after realizing that the world had changed far more than you were willing to concede.

That begs the question though… why can't I be more like Myra Rivers?

There will always be those who think such a mindset is overrated, that being more like you would be a step backwards instead of sideways- however those very same people are the ones who talk shit about being the best, but couldn’t win when gift-wrapped the opportunity to do better. Honestly Christina, if you think the shoe fits then please feel free to lace that bitch up while I boot your head off your shoulders again.

Of course, I digress.

Why can’t I be like Myra- the woman who has overcome her shortcomings, accepted her flaws as equal parts of herself and shown the world what she’s capable of on the second highest level this company has. It's admirable, it's honourable and if I wasn't so committed to being an asshole 95% of my waking moments then I’d probably golf clap for effect.
I’ve been thinking this over real hard, it's had me ticking over hour after godforsaken hour and the truth is, I don’t really have a reason. I don’t have a logical explanation or defense- there is not one thing on this Earth that could stop me being just like her…

See, redemption is just as subjective as beauty is in the eye of its beholder- and it's not as though our achievements to date in SCW are exactly beyond comparison on the most simple of levels. We’ve been parallels tracing our way through this bombshells division like magma through stone, like water through mountains. Leaving our mark on everyone who steps across our thresholds- we are two sides of a proverbial coin that the world doesn’t like to acknowledge sharing a face.
We’ve taken the best this company has to offer in our time, and we’ve systematically worked our way through them like stuffed toys facing down a combine harvester. Every big name, hell every medium sized and basically no name that's crossed our paths- beaten by at least one, if not the both of us.

Paths of dominance. Undeniable.

So, just what is it about you that makes you so fucking unbeatable Myra…

Is it the over-wrought work ethic or perhaps the hopeful yet realism stained view of the industry. Perhaps it's just your drive to be as good as you can be, like the successful role model you seem to be- encouraging all those you face you to discover something better about themselves in the wake of defeat.
Really, it could be all of those things- but I tend to lean towards something else, something that I don’t think anyone else has ever had the gall to admit openly.

Everyone thinks they can beat you.

Think about it though- how many people going into a Myra Rivers match have said that they’re gonna be the one to do what no one else has, only to show up and woefully disappoint?
They take you seriously, but not quite enough to actually get the job done, cause they don’t think it requires everything they have- like they can leaves little something in the tank for their inevitable celebration.
Fact is Myra, whether you’d like to admit it or not… You’re top level, but you’re also incredibly ordinary. People go out and assume that because you don’t stand out in any meaningful way, that you’re just average with weirdly prevalent and specific luck. You don’t have a gimmick as such, you aren’t exactly renowned for anything except being Internet Champion- I mean you aren’t a superhero with a badly wired moral compass, nor are you a sociopath who really can’t decide whether their style of evil is annoying or downright absurd. You don’t wield your personality like a weapon, cause many would claim that yours is lacking- I mean you say a lot, but how much of it isn’t just recycled from a previous match?
Your reputation isn’t an armour or shield protecting you from the harsh criticisms of the world and frankly, it could be argued that you unlocked your full potential without the benefit of smoke and mirrors.

Ordinary, but really really good at winning.

See, to you… Everyone opponent is the same. Everyone shares the same intention and are just another faceless mannequin to be bulldozed- it doesn’t matter what they bring to the table cause you know they’re going to look down at you. They’re gonna get all self-important about how great they are, and you’ll talk a whole lot about your dreams and aspirations coming true- motivational double speak for days on end riddled with subtle insults that become death by a thousand cuts.
Hell, before the match starts your opponent is in ribbons and no one seems to get why.

Nothing about anyone you face resonates as meaningful Myra, and I’ll be honest I’m actually ashamed it's taken me so long to understand that. No one on this roster registers to you as special- as far as we’re concerned, I’m just another body to beat and nothing I can say will change that.
I mean it’d be damn easy for me to harp on for fucking hours about the things I’ve done, the things I’m gonna do and how I’m going to be walking out with my shoulders dripping in gold- but the fact is… you don’t care.
You don’t care about me, you don’t care about anyone on this roster. You care about what you’re bringing into this match and frankly I can respect the hell out of that mindset- but it also doesn’t change the fact that I’m coming in the same way.

Fact is, I spent so many nights trying to figure out how you’ve managed to evade me. I’m not talking about that farce people wanna call the Blast From The Past semi-final or the tag match that decided the real main event is going on second last on the supercard for some weird reason…
I keep coming back to Into The Void 2020. I keep coming back to a match we had where I’ve previously admitted that I thought i had your number from the get go, I made the same mistake everyone else does and I let my focus stray from where it should have been…and I guess this is the point where I tell you that things are different now. That I changed for the better and that somehow being the world champion is proof of that- but I’d be lying Myra.

I’d be lying through my fucking teeth.

I’ve come to realize that as a person, I’m still the same person who walked into this company with a chip on my shoulder and so much venom on my tongue I could barely speak without it spilling down my front. I came into this company with something to prove- and even with the Bombshells world title on my shoulder I can promise you that nothing has changed.
I’m the same girl only now I’m holding onto this world title like it's the only thing keeping me together, like it's gravity keeping my feet on the floor, like I’m balancing on a thread that shouldn’t be holding my weight.

I’m the same piece of shit human being who walked into this company and told Roxi Johnson that her ideals were wrong, that brought out the worst in Christina Rose just by showing up, that showed that Courtney Pierce could still go with the best of them if only given a little motivation, that proved Ruby Steele was as much a fluke as everyone ever said and who proved to Alicia Lukas that she couldn’t avoid the shifting sands forever- that being queen was more than just a crown and sceptre.
Like it or not Myra, I have taken this division and I have put it on my back and frankly you’ve been benefiting from it- you’ve been swept up in this divisions meteoric rise once again- cause you have to remember, you were champion before I was, but nothing around here really changed until I got the gold.

All of a sudden, people cared about these titles again- there was a renewed motivation, people started stepping up their game instead of stepping back so that they might not step in something unpleasant like Christina’s personal drama or the sludgy remains of Keira’s confidence.
I can’t stand here and deny that you haven’t done great things- but how many people gave a fuck about what you were doing until the division was put on the map again, repping main event after main event cause the bombshells started to matter again.

Funny thing is, I always swore I wouldn’t let this title become my identity, but every day it has become a little more a part of me. Every defense sinks a little further under my skin, and even just the thought that I could lose it at Summer XXXtreme makes me wanna throw my guts out across some porcelain.
Being the Bombshells World champion though is everything- and it should be everything. I made this title mean something, it's my hard work that's gotten us here, it's my effort and my blood staining that canvas so that you might walk around with your head a little higher. It's my sweat and my tears after every win and loss cause I just don’t know how I could go on the same way with one shoulder that much lighter…
I swore I wouldn't make this title my identity, but I’m sure as fuck glad I have.

Just as you’ve made the Internet title yours- only now it's a skin you’re more than willing to shed. For a chance to get that little higher, for a brighter spotlight and to be seen in a perspective you more than think you deserve- you’d throw away the very same thing that you told everyone held more important than the belt you now want.
That internet title was everything to you until a better option came along, until something else a little shinier and a little bigger was put on the table- 300+ days Myra, and all the talk you’ve done about how much that title means to you now equates to little more than more motivational double speak.

Don’t get me wrong- 300+ days is nothing to turn ones nose up at, but if you haven’t used those days to benefit anyone else then you have to start wondering just what the fuck point there was of it…

When it comes down to it Myra, I’m the same girl you beat last year. I’m everything you’re gonna say about me, all the talk of respect and admiration before thoroughly trying to make me out like a goddamn chump cause you’ve been champion so long. I’m everything that I’ll own up to being, I accept everything I’ve done in the last 12 months plus cause without it- you wouldn’t be main eventing this Supercard. Without everything that I’ve done, you’d still be toiling away trying to get people to remember that the second most important is still something.

So I guess the real question is no longer- why can’t I be more like Myra…

Instead, it's why would I want to be… when I could be the fucking World Champion instead.”






******





Bane Residence
Las Vegas, ND
06.07.2021
02:41am




In a few moments it’d be 2:42am.

It’d been almost four and a half hours since she first crawled beneath the tangle of sheets, almost four and a half hours since she first closed her eyes in hope that her patience and silence might be rewarded by a visit from the sandman. It’d been almost an hour now since she last abandoned the efforts in favour of watching the digital neon clock beside their bed tick over even though the garish glare made her eyes ache, as though the minutes were silently scolding her for not keeping her eyes closed a little longer.
Mac’s large frame shifted slightly beside her, the rhythmic sound of his breathing combined with the rise and fall of the sheets in her periphery left her almost jealous and bitter that he might so easily find solace in sleep.

Even now as the numbers shifted shape, she couldn’t pinpoint why she couldn’t sleep. No doubt she was agitated, Mac had said as much that evening, constantly on edge as though the walls themselves might leap out to take an owed pound of flesh she didn’t remember promising.
Compounding behind her eyes- she could almost feel her mind racing at a mile a minute, quick stepping through a minefield like an explosion wasn’t just another inevitability.

Myra Rivers. Dominic Del Gado. SCW Bombshells World Title. Summer XXXTreme. Her own fucking sanity teetering on the edge of a precipice of her own imagining.

It was too damn warm.

Yeah... that must have been it.

Slipping as gently as she might manage from beneath the sheets and allowing them to fall away from her skin, her feet found the cool wooden floors below sending a small unexpected shudder through her system. In merely a sports bra and shorts that she was 80% sure actually belonged to her husband, she deftly padded across the bedroom towards the door- allowing the dim lights beyond the threshold to touch upon skin rarely ever exposed.
She knew she had a packet of smokes near the door to the back porch, focusing on taking the edge off instead of the way the light seemed to capture and illuminate the multitude of scars and mishaps traced across her body.

There was a solid reason why she covered up more than most of the other bombshells- curiosity was an untamable beast and the unusual tended to attract unwanted attention. Time after time she’d taken her determination, her willingness to do anything to achieve and allowed the consequences to cut her to pieces- all the tiny little scars across her back and arms that only seemed visible when you went looking for them, or if she stood at just the right angle were from glass shards and defiance of crooked authority. Some of the larger ones that sunk deeper between her shoulder blades were from testing her limits, breaking when she knew she should only bend and suffering for her own insolence.
Deathmatches and ultraviolence gave her a reputation, a foot in the door when she otherwise had no right to be there- winning match after bloody fucking match that she shouldn’t have elevated her beyond where she was ever supposed to be.

Outlasting purely out of spite and winning titles when she was told they were out of her reach, outside of her talent cause all she knew how to do was bleed… that's what had gotten her right here, and right now.
Lacing her fingers around the pack of smokes, she found herself surprised that they were sufficiently lighter than the last time she’d strayed from the path- but nonetheless slipped quietly out the door and into the stifling humidity that came with summer in Las Vegas.
In just a couple of days she’d be stepping on a cruise ship, wired and walking into her own title defense as a potential underdog. Fighting from beneath for something that she’d proven made her dominant.

A year before, almost to the same date… she’d walked onto a cruise ship wearing her pride and infallibility like armour, unable to be shot down by logic or reason. Stepping into the ring with one of the presumed best the company had to offer, only to leave the hero a bloody smear on the canvas cause she'd been unwilling to stoop, unwilling to bend an unwritten code of ethics that she’d lived her life by.
Amber had been the one doling out life lessons that night- perhaps to the chagrin of many, that bending and pushing against limits were fine… but to break them, you’d have no way back. There was no sidestep or backtrack once those limits broke through, nothing to fall back on once that commitment level became all or nothing.

That had been a goddamn staple of Amber’s career. High stakes or nothing. Give me everything or kill me, and so far she’d managed to somehow keep a breath in her lungs. A foundational cornerstone of everything that made her who the fuck she’d become- pressure wasn’t the challenge, losing everything was far more commonplace than standing tall and frankly Amber had mastered the art of falling with style… and taking as many casualties with her as she could.

Flicking the lighter to life in the still humid air, the edge of the cigarette burned intensely for a moment before fading slightly into a glowing cherry red while smoke drifted off in thin plumes. This time last year she’d been gearing up for Roxi Johnson, preparing to set the bar in a semi-main event- while her opponent this year was winning the internet title. Parallels yet not quite- Amber could talk for days about how she’d set the bar higher with every match since she walked through the door, but it was hard to argue that Myra Rivers hadn’t done some of the heavy lifting in the division as well.
Each a meteoric rise for different reasons, expectation creeping beyond manageability and yet both of them still clung to the mountain top by the jagged edges of broken nails.

Smoke coagulated in mid air as it seeped from between her lips, the rush of nicotine giving her a moment's peace from the writhing knot in her chest. Everything she’d worked for in the past year plus, everything she’d done even before that- whether traced into her skin or resting on her shoulder felt as though it now hung above her head like an anvil on a thread.
All or nothing wasn't just some fucking gimmick, it wasn’t a nothing consequence- the whole landscape of the Bombshells division was about to change and one of it's most dominant forces was about to lose it all. Amber knew, deep down, that it shouldn’t matter who the match was against, that the only thing she should care about was holding onto the world title that she’d worked so hard to earn… But her nerves were wearing thin, the constant barrage of ‘respect followed by back-handed compliment’ and recent muddied results couldn’t simply be ignored.

As much as she might try.

Thick and heavy, the lazy haze lingered around her only further obscuring her perspective as somewhere in the house she could hear the beastly Couyon, her darling 3 year old Cane Corso, padding heavily across the wooden floorboards- no doubt distracted from his snoring and drooling by movement and faintly wafting smell of cigarette smoke.
She could only presume that Mac would soon be awoken by almost 110lbs of lovable fur and drool, that she’d soon have to explain in no uncertain terms why she couldn’t keep her head straight and her stomach from doing backflips at just the thought of this match.
Oh, how times had changed… There had been a time not so long ago when something like this wouldn’t have phased her in the slightest, not because of the implications, but likely because she would have been in the challenger's role… where she’d spent most of her career.

Always on the other side of the glass, nothing to lose, but a little bit of face.

Now though, now it felt as though her legacy was tied to something outside of what she could manage with just two fists… and even though she’d only been champion for 100 days now, it felt like an eternity to try and keep up the charade of confidence and accomplishment.
She’d gone from being one of the best in the industry not to be world champion, to someone quickly defined as being on top… and that could very well be taken away from her before she knew it.

Hell, who would she even be without that title now?

Tangling her fingers in her hairline, she drew her hand back into the crimson mess as her shoulder cracked slightly- of course she knew the answer was ‘exactly the same person she was before’ but it would feel different, her name would sound different rolling off an announcers silver tongue- fundamentally she wouldn’t change as a person, but the way the world viewed her… the way she viewed the world…
Regardless of what happened, she'd still remain top of the division- for that there was no question, but it would never be quite the same without that proverbial weight to carry.

Achievement and admiration feels far more empty when you’ve got nothing to show for it, after all.

The world associates triumph with possession, to have and to hold wasn’t just for sounding devoted in wedding vows- a physical manifestation of being the best, nothing less would be ever good enough.

Trophies, scars- Amber wore her validation proudly on her skin, but unless she had the belt on her shoulder then no one would ever see that. No, she needed this title… she needed it more than she needed love and affection, more than fear and respect cause without that title she’d become just another great wrestler who wasn’t quite fucking good enough to hold her mountain top.
She needed to be the world champion more than she could physically describe without vomiting, if only to prove how desperately sick she’d willingly be. She needed this title far more than Myra Rivers did- only now she had to go out there and try to prove it without losing everything in the effort.

Stepping off the edge of the porch, her bare feet crunching softly on the gravel, she allowed the cigarette to fall from between her fingers- tumbling, falling before landing between the stones and smouldering in loose, looping curls.
In just a couple days, she’d be putting the world on her shoulder again- representing a company who’d given her the chance to prove herself on a level that many thought she’d never quite attain. In a little over a week- she’d be stepping into the ring with someone who thought that everything they’d done and represented somehow meant more than everything Amber could possibly give.

In just a little longer than that… she’d be walking out of that same ring, the weight of the world still where it belongs.

Not because she was sure she’d be able to win, but because she was not nearly ready for any of that to change.





******



Fear, as a verb, is defined as ‘to be afraid of someone or something, as likely to be dangerous, painful, or harmful.

Now I’ll be brutally honest here Myra, and this might come as a little bit of a surprise... but I’ve never actually gone around with the intention of getting people to be scared of me.
Weird right?
I mean with my supposed reputation you’d think it was my only mission in life, but the truth is that getting girls backstage to wee a little in their spandex booty shorts has never really been high on my priority list. I’ve never been much of the one to demand an emotional response from walking past anyone- and frankly if I ever start pulling such douchebag moves, well then I’d hope someone takes me out behind the arena and puts one between my eyes.

Let's be honest, there are Bombshells who really don’t want much of anything to do with me for whatever reason. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve found it a little difficult to make friends and play nice- mostly because it's never gotten anyone anywhere, let alone fast.
You see Myra, some think I’m the goddamn devil, that I’m just some scumbag leaving dirty fingerprints all over their precious gold- I’m the worst thing that's happened to this division, but be damned if they don’t want me to stay as badly as they wanna see the end of me.

Then, there are others who seem to admire and openly espouse the lack of fuckery I have left to donate, favouring orated respect out of earshot and less than subtle recognitions on social media somewhere between bikini shots and petty bickering.

Of course Myra… you’re different to all of them. Because of course you are… You’re Myra Rivers and you’re not a thing like anyone else on the roster. No gimmicks, no bullshit. Win matches, hold titles and basically be the plain oatmeal of the bombshells division- reliable but otherwise a little bland on it's own and never quite the top of anyone's list despite your continued  longevity.
I can assure that's not a bad thing, you own everything it is you are and I can thoroughly respect that.

… it's just that you gotta stop with the backhanded bullshit. Snide remarks, little niggling jabs when the spotlight is just grazing you so you have an excuse to get back into the light. Honestly Myra, if you wanna insult me then just go right ahead- no one will think any less of you, not while there's people like Christina Rose trying to get her boof-head into everyone else's business somehow improving everyone else's image.
I get it, you’re a good person… fantastic, now let's cut the crap and say what we really think instead of dancing around the idea cause it makes everything you’ve said before now awkward and invalid.

That’s the thing, isn't it?

You don’t fear me. You respect me. I’m sure I’ve heard that particular gem of a line probably hundreds of times from you by now, anytime my name comes up- it's like a ‘Pavlov's dog’ response. It's a reaction on par with breathing cause really what else is there that you can say about me that I haven't openly admitted myself- you know, aside from lies and blasphemy of course.
Truth is though, I don’t actually need anything from you. Your fear, your respect, your emotional satisfaction- all kinda ends up being redundant considering we’re not on a collision course for the Internet title, we’re not here to celebrate what an extraordinary feat you’ve achieved.

No, I appreciate that you respect me through gritted teeth- but in the same breath you’re more than ready to vault yourself off the compliment you just handed out. As though giving credit where credit is due serves only as a springboard to talking about how great you are once again.

Speaking of credit where credits due… 300 + days, huh. I must admit I’m impressed. Hard not to be considering that few ever make such a pilgrimage- that being said, it's much harder to not know about it considering it's one of the five talking points you really have.
I get that you’re proud of this and that it deserves it's own celebration- but you have to remember, regardless of this outcome you lose that title. At Summer XXXtreme that Internet title reign ends whether you win or lose…
Had you actually considered that before now?
Win or lose, that title you worked so damn hard to elevate no longer matters. I mean it's not like you can really do much more with it but keep racking up days anyways- after the first 100 days people give you a little pat on the back and a ‘nice job’ before promptly forgetting you exist. 200 days and people start wondering if they misheard, but congratulate you nonetheless cause that's certainly something.
300 days and everyone knows about it- but somehow they all only heard it from you. 300 days and counting, what have you got left to do- you took that well of good intentions and you sucked it fucking dry probably 50 days ago.

It's funny, cause it could be argued that you elevated that Internet title- you made it mean almost as much as the World title, when it was at its lowest. It could also be argued that in the same breath you drove it back into the ground cause no one else- but you came out looking better than when they came in after facing you. You took everything they had to give and you put it down the goddamn drain… instead of creating new challengers, you morally broke them so that they might not get brave enough to challenge again and possibly win.

It goes without saying Myra that you really have put the Internet title on the map- you made people wanna step up, albeit briefly, when people had lost interest.

… but when it comes down to it, and I want you to understand just how important what I’m about to say is…

You’re challenging for MY World title. You came swinging for me, not the other way around. Despite everything you’ve done, everything you’ve achieved- you realized there is nowhere left for you to go but down with that Internet title. You took a deep breath and started punching upwards cause there was no one left below you to punch down towards.
You might have your dreams, but this is still my fucking belt… Sure, don’t get me wrong the marquee says ‘Winner Take All’, but we both know what that really means… One of us walks off that cruise ship as Bombshells World champion and the other skulks away trying to regroup in hopes they haven’t lost more than just the weight on their shoulder by the time it's all over.
No one ‘wins’ the Internet title- it's just another self-important ploy to make the match seem grander. Fact is, this match is Myra Rivers vs Amber Ryan for the Bombshells World title.

That's it, that's what the match is…

You might be the more ‘dominant’ champion but I’m the one you have to beat.

See, being a champion for longer doesn’t make you better at it. Just more tenured, it makes you someone who could competently do your job when the occasion called for it. It makes you capable and willing, it makes you a hamster in a wheel trying to call itself queen when the only other viable contender is a pile of sick in some sawdust.
I won't deny that you’ve worked hard, but so has nearly every other champion to get where we are- there is nothing about your journey that makes it more aspirational than mine, hell than anyone else's. You speak as though you scaled Everest, but the green slops of the local ski resort still have you white knuckling. I wouldn't dare say you’ve had it easier- but it's far from the impossible climb you try to make it out to be.

Now you wanna call this your pinnacle. Your crowning achievement…

You wanna be the world champion to say you did it.

… I won’t lie Myra, that kinda upsets and disappoints me. I have no doubt that you’ll defend your position voraciously, you’ll go out and tell me that I’m wrong or simply misunderstood. Maybe I’ve been smacked upside the head one too many times- that I’m delusional and you wouldn't dream of demoralizing something that you want so badly…
Except that's exactly what you do- coming into this match, you’ve said more about being Internet champion for 300 days than what this world title would mean to you besides being a great achievement. You’ve done so little to make me believe that you want this title worse than me, I’ll almost feel bad beating you half to death to keep it cause it's all so very insincere.

I said form the moment I won this belt what it meant, what it continues to mean. I never wanted to fight for something so badly in my career- not just so I can be champion, but because I’ve so rarely been given the opportunity and I don't wanna let this one slip through my fingers.
To say I am the Bombshells World champion means more than your dreams ever could, you’ve done this shit so many times it's like a well choreographed routine by now- but for me it isn’t Myra. For me, this isn't just another go around, this isn’t one in a slew of many and it doesn’t just end up as another strike on a tally or notch on a bedpost.
I’ve been professional for nearly 15 years- in that time I’ve had less than 10 chances to become World champion. Total. That's it…and I’ve won 4 of those, current included. I’m sure this is the point where you go to pick it apart saying that it's cause I wasn’t good enough, and for maybe the first five or so I absolutely wasn’t…

And then I started getting really good, and people didn't like it. I was too much of a liability, too reckless, I didn't fit the right image Myra- something I’m not entirely sure you’d quite understand (and frankly you’re a goddamn liar if you say you do). I wasn’t world champion material in the eyes of anyone who thought their opinion mattered- and maybe I’m still not. Maybe I’m still the stupid, reckless liability that shouldn't be trusted with a companies reputation but I’ll be damned if you get to decide that for me.

I’ve worked harder than damn near anyone to get this title, I might have come into this company with a reputation- but theres no one on this roster who can say that I haven’t lived up to every fucking ounce of it. Herll, I dare anyone to tell me otherwise and I’ll gladly give them the match of their life before I knock them down a few pegs too...

Fact is, this might just be your dream, this might just be your golden opportunity and your last hurrah before starting to walk off into the glorious horizon with a heartwarming legacy left in your wake.

But Myra, just know… what you want doesn’t supersede what I’m willing to do, your dreams don’t get to mean more than my reality.

Not now.

Not at Summer XXTreme.

Not ever.”




******





Unnamed Cemetery
Somewhere In Georgia
30.06.2021
10:08am




It wasn’t supposed to be beautiful weather.

Days like this weren’t supposed to be blessed by sunshine peeking through shady trees and summer breezes dancing across lawns so carefully manicured you might have thought they got down on all fours and cut each blade with tiny scissors. There weren't supposed to be birds delighting and flitting between trees in merriment- creating such a startling juxtaposition to mourning that one couldn’t help but almost smile at their limitless joy.
No, days like today were supposed to be marred with clouds and threatening rain with everyone flocking under umbrellas and braving the cold instead of making polite small talk about floral arrangements and who else they knew was buried nearby.

Today was supposed to be fucking miserable, if only so Amber might feel remotely validated by blunted emotional span.

Amber had stayed at a distance for the unsurprisingly small ceremony, somehow it felt insincere to intrude upon something like this despite the closeness she’d shared. Distance and time had created that rift, and now she chose to honour it similarly… Apparently this whole thing had been organized by some distant relative she’d never met, likely only taking on the responsibility cause no one else would.
Amber couldn’t help but find herself awkwardly amused at all the false sentiment- from eyes being dabbed at with handkerchiefs despite a lack of tears to the bold, grandiose declarations from a holy man looking as though he might just as quickly fall into the hole and join Grizz, as he would sermonize what would have been otherwise a sinful existence under traditional Christian ruling.

They’d joked about these things before, somehow it didn’t feel nearly as morbid back then… Grizz had always insisted that ice-cream truck music might play as he was lowered into the ground, if only for the looks of shock and horror and so that it might once more let him down. He’d spoken of having his ashes scattered somewhere wildly inappropriate and about planting a tree in his honour at the little secluded spot where he’d had his first date with his ex-wife Valerie- just to make sure she’d think of him every time she went by there.

Of course- he hadn’t anticipated her passing before he did, but Amber presumed his petty ass would still have been game for it regardless.

None of this stones and flowers bullshit, false pleasantries spoken by people with passing interactions etched as a final memorial to someone who’d rather use the space to tell people who he really was. Grizz was a fucking asshole, but he prided himself on being damn good at it. He’d made his mistakes, but worked harder in the wake of them to try to make something better from it- he gave chances to so many people who’d otherwise never got them and loved his daughter Cassidy fiercely.
Amber knew he’d have wanted everyone to know that he thought his ex-wife was the hottest Satanist he’d ever been with, and that life was far more rigged against you than any carnival game you could ever play- but that it shouldn’t stop you trying.

Instead, he got a farce.

Forced politeness in the wake of no one having anything more meaningful to say, hell she supposed that maybe there was a certain irony to it after all that the old bastard might have come to appreciate after he was done spinning in his box.
Many of the well-wishers had moved on by now, congregating near the front gates discussing why they never seemed to see each other anymore outside of weddings and funerals- the minister held more hushed conversations on the side with a few more conservative types.
Amber could only scoff at the thought of Grizz getting anywhere near the ‘kingdom of heaven’ but be damned if he didn't at least try...

No, Grizz wasn’t a good person- but he fucking owned every part of it. Good and bad, mistakes in the same breaths as triumphs- Amber could only hope that maybe one day someone might recall her just as honestly and fondly.

Scanning the area, a familiar face seemed missing from the festivities.

Cassidy.

God, had their falling out really been that bad?

“You know Miss Ryan, I really hate that I have to catch you under these circumstances.”

Amber didn't need to turn around to know who stood behind, the way her stomach seized and her throat tightened was telling enough. Dominic Del Gado placed a hand on her shoulder as he drew level, she almost wanted to swat it away, but somehow the idea of retaliation only left her feeling more nauseous.

“It's all very touching. I’ll admit, I didn't knwo the man well myself, but my father assures me he was a gentleman above all else.”

Amber wanted to spit loudly at the thought, to express herself in any such way that might force Dominic to rethink his proximity- instead she simply bit her tongue in hopes that ignorance might be a further repellant… instead, it only served to deepen her venom.

“You have some fucking nerve.”

“As do you, and as much as I wished to avoid such circumstances- your insistence on pretending I didn't exist left me little option.”

“Don’t stand there and bullshit me Dominic, you had plenty of options. You had all the options in the world and yet you still chose this one- so don't you dare try to put this back on me.”

Clearing his throat, his grip loosened as his hand fell away from her shoulder.

“I apologize, I’ll admit this isn’t one of my finest moments. I just wanted to---”

Amber cut him off with a hiss, turning on a dime to come near on face to face- or as closely as their height difference might manage, her glare hardened further by the amused smile creasing the edges of his mouth.

“Whatever the fuck it is you want from me- I’m not interested. I don't know how to make it any clearer…”

Taking a step back while brushing out some non-existent crease in his charcoal suit, Dominic broke eye contact in favour of fixing the alignment of his tie clip.

“Were you aware that there was a will- I suppose not, and for the most part you didn’t miss alot. There was one interesting caveat though- Mr Parker left you half of the value of his assets once liquidated. Quite the generous sum I imagine, the other half going to his lovely daughter of course.”

Amber narrowed her gaze, she could feel the vein near her temple throbbing as she struggled to contain every four letter word carefully filtered out.

“I doubt that's of any concern to you.”

A small chuckle emanated from Dominic, seemingly satisfied with the state of his tie clip as he straightened his posture.

“I’d say normally it wouldn’t be- but Mr Parker also had some significant debts with my father, and since business has changed hands… those debts are now on my books.”

Amber could feel her knees shake a little, coiled like springs ready to launch herself at him. She suspected she might even get a couple good punches in before one of his ever-expanding posse managed to drag her off kicking and screaming.

“So, name your price and be done with it.”

“That's the thing Miss Ryan---”

“Mrs, if you wouldn’t mind. Bane-Ryan if you really wanna get pedantic…”

“My apologies, I’m so very used to the way things used to be.”

His comment lingered unhealthily in the air, almost begging to be bitten. Bait in front of a starving carnivore, although he’d likely misunderstood how willing she’d be to die rather than play into his little games.

“You see, I have no doubt that even before this… inheritance I suppose you could call it, that you’d be more than capable of covering whatever outstanding cost remains. However, I haven’t much use for such a lump sum- as you can imagine business is as profitable as ever and as such money isn’t exactly hard to come by.”

It didn’t take a genius to see where things were headed, how close to being entirely off the rails things were becoming.

“Drop dead.”

“Ironic, if not a little on the nose. If you’d just try to be professional for a few moments, I’ll gladly leave you to continue wallowing in your misery.”

“You got ten seconds to start making sense.”

“Until what exactly, we’re in public and you’ll do no such thing. You have a temper, but you aren’t an idiot.”

Clearly his throat unnecessarily, Amber swallowed everything she wanted to say and half the things she wanted to do.

“You and I have a history, Amber. I’d like to revisit that, if only briefly. In return- any mention of a debt is wiped from memory and, should the deal require sweetening…”

Removing his sunglasses, his grin widened to the point that she could make out the unnaturally whiteness of his teeth. God, that made her want to punch them down his neck even more.

“I know you made a promise to Mr Parker, so what if I can help you achieve that. If I could tell you precisely where you might find Cassidy Parker, would you at least consider it.”

“You’re lying.”

She knew he wasn't, but reflexively the words left her lips before her brain had even processed the thought.

“Is that something you’re willing to gamble against, after all I’ve been nothing but forthcoming so far- even in spite of your continued determination to make things… difficult.”

She had made a promise, and somehow the indignation in Dominic even knowing about that was tempered by the fact that she could in fact…
Cassidy.
God, it might have been at least 10 years now… maybe even longer.

Dominic, no doubt pleased by her hesitation adjusted his sleeve cuffs idly.

“You know I’m away for work soon.”

“Timelines aren’t a concern.”

“Doesn't sound much like good business practice.”

“All I care about is the result.”

Amber paused, her stomach half way up her throat.

"I’ll think about it."

Another chuckle, this time softer and almost genuine.

"I hope so, the last time you said that- you didn’t"

"Not that it stopped you."

"I’m persistent"

Amber crumpled her expression into something resembling a scowl.

"You’re an asshole."

"Just think on it, Ms Ryan."

Turning to walk away, Dominic Del Gado stopped thoughtfully as though suddenly overcome by something he couldn’t quite recall, and in the softest tone that she could still make out- his words hit her like a goddamn freight train.

“I really am sorry for your loss.”

Somehow, in his wake, trying her hardest not to explode into a thousand tiny red shards- Amber could only muse and hope that it would end up being the only loss she’d be taking… cause she really wasn;t sure she could handle another.

[Myra Rivers]

July 6th, 2021

Chelsea LeClair and I were both exhausted after we had wrapped up the practice match that we had agreed to. For me, I was feeling an incredible adrenaline rush after it was over because I truly felt that I was even more prepared for my big match against Amber Ryan.

“You were amazing, Myra…” Chelsea said to me with a smile. “You truly are ready for Summer XXXtreme!”


“I’ve never experienced you being so good yourself…” I said to my former protege. “I certainly know why you’re a world champion in your own right and getting that exposure and getting a taste of what it’s like to face a world champion on top of her game is going to do wonders for me. I know you’re going to take this and apply it to your own career too!”

“I certainly will…” Chelsea said with confidence. At this point, Jazmyn Rain, my best friend, who had seen the practice match that we had, walked up to both of us. She too, was beaming.

“Chelsea, you were phenomenal.” Jazmyn told her. “But if you don’t mind, I would like to speak to Myra, alone.”

“Sure…” Chelsea nodded as she rolled out of the training ring that we had our practice match in and subsequently walked out of the room. Jazmyn meanwhile, wrapped an arm around me and my adrenaline rush had me feeling the happiest I had ever been in my career.

“Myra… I was floored by what I just saw.” Jazmyn began. “You didn’t look like you were under any pressure at all facing Chelsea. After all these years, it brings me so much joy to be seeing you at the peak of your career being better than you’ve ever been. You kept your cool when Chelsea had the advantage, you didn’t pressure yourself into self-destructive mistakes and you’re so at peace with yourself.”

I could only smile at this myself.

“I used to wrestle these big matches fearing the worst. During my time in SCW, I’ve vanquished so many insecurities that have tripped me up in the past. I’ve done it so much that I’m not afraid of losing it all against Amber. Maybe a year ago, I would’ve been. But, I’ve overcome that fear now. The stage that’s coming? I’m not sweating it.”

“I waited years for you to reach this point as a wrestler and I’m so happy for you that you have.”

“Honestly, Jaz? When it comes to being a professional wrestler, my career and doing this as long as I have, I’ve NEVER, EVER felt as good about myself and where my career is going than I do right now. Everything is going so well for me. When I first arrived in SCW, I never could’ve imagined this. I feel like when Summer XXXtreme comes…”

Jazmyn and I would be interrupted by the sound of my phone ringing in the corner. Jazmyn was nice enough to quickly grab it for me. When she gave me the phone, I saw that Scotty was calling me. I was a little confused as to why he’d be calling, but nonetheless, I didn’t think much of it when I answered.

“Hey…” I said, not knowing what was to come.

“M-myra… um… thank god…” Scotty said with a quiver in his voice. I immediately became concerned. “...you need to come… NOW!”

“Where are you?” I asked him, feeling the nervousness pour through me already.

“I’m at the hospital… it’s Adrianna…”

My eyes suddenly widened with worry as soon as I heard my sister being mentioned.

“Scotty… What happened? Is she okay?”

“No… she… she was driving on the road to the store and… a drunk driver ran a red light and… smashed right into her…”

In an instant, my world turned upside down.

“...WHAT?” I said, suddenly feeling fear going through me. “NO!!!! Please tell me you’re joking! Please tell me that this is a sick joke! PLEASE!”

“Mini van… driver’s side… you have to come NOW! They’re not sure she’ll make it…”

That last sentence was the most painful sentence I had heard since the day I found out my mother had died. The tears were already rushing as fear and worry had dominated my conscience. Suddenly, wrestling was the last thing on my mind. I tried to be numb, but the reality of what I just heard hit me incredibly quick and incredibly hard…

“NO!!!!!!! NOT MY SISTER!!!!!!!”

“WHAT?” Jazmyn suddenly said out of her own concern.

“This is UNFAIR! She gave birth only a few months ago… NO…”

“She was conscious when they brought her in…”

“Scotty...I…” I paused, realizing that my palms were sweating and I was beginning to feel sick to my stomach. “...I don’t want to hear any more right now. I’ll see you when I get there…”

Now the numbness began to kick in, even for a few seconds.

“...oh my god, what happened?”

“I’m about to lose my sister…” I said, breaking down completely. “This can’t be happening! Why? Why now? Why HER? She doesn’t deserve this! She’s meant everything to me, both in my career and out of it and if I lose her… I don’t know how I can live with myself…”

Jazmyn gave me a warm embrace. Both of us were crying at this point.

“Go…” she assured me. “Be there for her.”

After we broke our embrace, I couldn’t have bolted out of a building and gotten into my car fast enough. Before I could even turn on the ignition, I broke down even more, unable to take the horrible news that I just heard.

“Please God, no!” I said, feeling nothing but desperate at this point. “Don’t take my sister! Please! I know that there have been times where I’ve put my career before her and times where I’ve been bad to her because of it, but please don’t take her.  I don’t feel like… I don’t feel like I’ve fully made things up to her even now… UGH! What am I doing?”

Realizing that begging God to spare her life wasn’t going to help anything, I turned on the car and I pulled out of the parking lot. The tears weren’t even close to stopping and on the drive to the hospital, my relationship with Adrianna suddenly started to flash before my very eyes…

“When I first met her in 2008, my wrestling career was just starting to take off…” I reflected. “Meeting her and realizing that I had a sister gave me the biggest boost imaginable. It was shortly after we met that I won the first world championship of my career and ever since then, she has been such a huge part of my life and my career, even now. But back then… I didn’t realize how much she’d mean to me…

Summer 2008…

Adrianna and I were alone together in a medical office in Atlanta, Georgia. Adrianna, 20 years of age at the time, was looking quite confident. Yet, here I was, a couple of days away from competing for WXWF’s World Championship, full of jitters and nerves.

“I’ve felt like I’ve bonded with you already…” I told her. “...I’ve felt so connected to you even though we’ve known each other for a month. You certainly do feel like you’re my sister. But, what if the test results show differently?

“It’ll be fine, SISTER…” Adrianna said with a chuckle. “I promise. This has been weird for me too, but I’ve felt the same bond as well. I never imagined that I’d have a big sister to look up to but just seeing what you do in the wrestling ring just inspires me so much!”

“What do you want to do with your life, Adrianna?”

“I would love to be this amazing podcast host… or maybe a singer in a band. I can’t really decide. I’m just very artistic, all in all. Hey, maybe I can do a wrestling podcast or something…”

“That wouldn’t be a bad idea…” I said, as we were both interrupted by an assistant in the office handing us both an envelope. I knew that the paternity test results both of us were waiting for had arrived. I saw mine and wasn’t surprised that Adam Rivers was confirmed as my father, as I knew that the whole time.I looked over at Adrianna.

“Well?”

“Here you go!” Adrianna said with a smile as she handed me her test results… which confirmed the same thing. My heart lit up with joy when FINALLY, I had the confirmation that I had a sister. It was one of the most joyous moments of my whole life and when we stood up and hugged each other, I could feel tears of joy going down my face. As sisters, the instant connection we were feeling was unreal.

“I told you…” she said to me.

“I feel like… I have this brand new purpose in my life and career now…”

“What’s that?”

We broke our embrace at that point and we looked each other in the eyes. The innocence that was in Adrianna really warmed my heart. I had never felt pure love from someone before… not since my mother had died.

“I’m going to promise you something, Adrianna. You are my sister and I will cherish that forever! I will always inspire you! I will always make you proud of me! No matter what happens, whenever you need me, I will be here for you. I will NEVER let you down! You are giving me inspiration that I’ve never felt before. I want to be good in my life and do good in my career now that I have someone that looks up to me and god damn it, I am going to be the best role model I can be for you. Everything I do in my wrestling career now belongs to you too. In a few days, when I win my first world title, I’ll be thinking of you and I’m going to win it for you too!”

Adrianna looked like she wanted to cry, but she kept her composure as she embraced me again.

“That’s how things are going to be as long as I do what I love…” I assured her.

“I love you sister…” Adrianna said, warming my heart.

“I love you too… and I will NEVER disappoint you…”

Of course, things don’t always work out so simple…

November 2015

“I AM SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU!” Adrianna screamed at me when I visited her. “How can you turn your back on EVERYTHING you’re all about as a wrestler and as a human being! How can you cheat on someone that did nothing but love and cherish you? How can you stab Jazmyn in the back and treat her that way? How can you suddenly put your career over your own daughter? When we met, you said you’d be the best role model you could be for me and throwing everything away and turning your back on your morals JUST to get ahead in wrestling DOESN’T do that!”

At the time, fresh off my turn to the dark side so to speak, I really wasn’t giving a damn about what my sister had to say.

“I want an explanation, Miranda!”

“I’m doing what I have to do…” I said with an ice cold demeanor. “Jazmyn is just in my way now. I will ruin her career to boost my own. All these years being the good girl and being honorable and all it got me was letting down my unborn daughter and someone who put me through hell in PRW undeservedly being their last world champion! I don’t need to explain anything to you…”

“I’m your sister…”

“I don’t care!”

“You promised me that you’d be the best role model you could be…”

“”Promise broken. I don’t CARE for that anymore! And to be brutally honest with you, I don’t know why I should care when I never asked for a sister in the first place.”

Adrianna gasped in total shock at what I just said.

“Look at you… a sniveling, music world reject who couldn’t hack it on the air waves. Why would I want someone like YOU as a sister? If you weren’t my sister, nobody in wrestling would’ve ever given a shit about you! You’re just DEAD WEIGHT, Adrianna! Why should I burden myself with being your role model? Why do you even NEED a role model? You’re 27 now! Grow up!”

“This can’t be you…” Adrianna said with tears in her eyes.

“This is me…” I said, again in a cold tone of voice. “And honestly? I don’t want you in my life anymore.”

“Myra, please snap out of this…” she said tearfully as I walked to the door.

“Shut the fuck up, crybaby! I never wanted to be your sister anyway!” I opened the door and I heard Adrianna crying. She had collapsed and she was sitting down on the bottom of the stairs, in complete emotional pain. I glanced back at her, smirking and enjoying it before I walked out of her house and slammed the door shut.

“Even now… I don’t feel like I’ve ever made up for treating her the way I did when I was going through that awful phase…”

July 6th

“Adrianna!!!!” I said as I burst into her hospital room. I saw her completely unconscious, but still alive. I was grateful for this but seeing her in such bad shape caused me to collapse at her bedside and really let out all of my emotions while my face was buried in her bed. I grabbed her left hand and really let it out.

“No….” I said, completely devastated that she was in the shape that she was in. She had some bruises on her from the accident and she was motionless. Her hand felt cold and my heart was shattered into millions. Some previous guilt that I had in me for all the times I had let her down and treated her poorly began to pour out of me. “I don’t want to lose you! I don’t want to lose you! I don’t want to lose you! I’m so sorry for every time I’ve ever treated you badly, every time I’ve put my career above you and every horrible thing I ever said to you. I never meant any of it. I took out the pain that I harbored in me for years out on you and you never deserved that. I know I’ve never made it all up to you and… oh god… I don’t want to imagine my life without you…”

“They told me she has a 50/50 chance…” I heard Scotty say behind me. Somehow, I was able to gather myself to stand up. My eyes were beginning to hurt from all the tears I had shed and I immediately found myself running into the arms of Adrianna’s fiance. “...but right now, she’s in a comatose state.”

“The twins are okay, right?” I asked, referring to my infant nieces.

“They’re with my parents. She was on their way to pick them up when the accident happened.”

Scotty didn’t seem so shaken, which surprised me but it also encouraged me. I wasn’t right at the moment, but seeing how calm he was in the moment at least began to help me a little.

“Those twins can’t grow up without their mother. She doesn’t deserve this! Adrianna is the sweetest, kindest, most unselfish human being I’ve ever met. She’s always been there for me. She’s always cheered me up after a tough wrestling loss. She’s always set me straight when I feel like I’m on the edge. She’s always giving me such unconditional love that any sister can ever ask for. Every time she could help me with something in my career, she would. Every time I needed a lift before a big match, she’d give me that. She’s given me so much while I’ve given her so little in return and… I feel HORRIBLE about it. I could never apologize enough for the way I treated her during the GCW and UWA years.”

“She’s going to get through this, I promise…” Scotty said with confidence.

“I have to stay here with her!” I said as I walked back to her bedside and grabbed her left hand again. “I have to see her wake up… or I have to be here for her until the end. There is NOTHING more important to me in this world than my sister right now. I’m NOT leaving her side! I’m here for her now and I’m going to make up for everything awful I’ve ever done to her by being here no matter what…”

“Myra…” Scotty said with a conflicted sigh. “I know that this isn’t really the time to ask this… but what about Summer XXXtreme? What about the cruise? That ship is going to sail in a few days.”

“If I have to miss that world title match just to be with my sister, that’s what I am going to have to do!” I said, with no hesitation. Scotty on the other hand, was absolutely stunned by what I just said. “My baby sister, the only sister I am ever going to have, is more important to me than winning a world title. If I miss the cruise, so be it! I can have another world title match, but I’ll never have another sister! Amber can wait!”

“Myra, I applaud your loyalty but…”

“But NOTHING! I’ve carried YEARS of regret about my sister! Obviously, the times that I treated her like trash speak for themselves, but my biggest regret is that I’ve been so caught up with my career and with everything going on that I’ve missed out on being a real sister! Sure, going out and accomplishing something and winning a big match is an amazing feeling… but think about what I’ve missed because of wrestling. I cut her off for a YEAR to chase the GCW Global title. I missed her giving birth to my nieces because I was defending the Internet Championship against Candy that same day! I missed her first concert when she tried to be a singer eight years ago because I had to fight my last match in PRW… that I ended up LOSING! I know in wrestling, we have to make sacrifices, but this time, I have to sacrifice wrestling to be the sister I’ve never been!”

Tears of sorrow and regret were filling me more as I tightly grabbed her hand and watched her heart rate remain stable.

“You need to give yourself more credit than that as far as Adrianna is concerned. She’s always spoken highly of you.”

“This is all my fault…” I said, the guilt sweeping me now. “If I wasn’t such a screw up of a sister, she wouldn’t be this way.”

“That’s not true…”

“Yes it is! The only way I can ever make up for being such a screwed up sister is if I sacrifice the biggest match of my career.”

“I respectfully disagree, Myra…” Scotty says, much to my surprise. I turned toward him, letting Adrianna go for the moment. “If you feel like you’ve been a screwed up sister, even though I don’t think you are, nor does she, that’s one thing. If you feel like you have to make it up to her you would need to do what she’d want in a situation like this. She wouldn’t want you to sacrifice this match. She’d want you to get on that cruise and wrestle Amber Ryan for the world title. If you feel like you have to make things up to her, that’s what you should be doing.”

Suddenly, I was feeling torn as I looked at my unconscious sister, then back at Scotty. My feelings shifted to doubt at this point.

“How?” I asked with a soft, sullen voice. “How in the world can I even COMPETE against Amber, let alone WIN against her knowing in the back of my mind that Adrianna’s life is at stake? I don’t think I can do this… I don’t think I can wrestle that match. There’s adversity to overcome, and then there’s this. There’s no way I can win that match now…”

“You can…” Scotty said, reassuring me. “I believe in you! She believes in you. You’ve got so many people believing in you. I know that this sudden turn of events is going to make it more difficult for you, but you’re incredibly strong. I… WE… know you can do this. All of the obstacles you’ve overcome have prepared you for something like this.”

“How do you know she’d want me to wrestle that match?” I asked.

“For one, she’s one of the least selfish, most caring people on the planet…” Scotty reminded me. “And secondly? Well… there’s something that I have to go get from my car that will really open your eyes. I’ll be right back…”

Scotty and I embraced each other again before he walked out of the room to grab whatever he needed. This left me in an eerie state of mind as I found myself alone with Adrianna. My heart continued to break seeing her in the comatose state that she was in and I began to reflect on our relationship a little bit more…

“You have always… ALWAYS encouraged me to push on… even if that meant making a sacrifice of your own....”

June 2015

“Just sign the contract…” Adrianna says to me with a laugh. I looked at the contract offer that I had gotten from GCW that would ultimately vault me back into the wrestling business after two years away.

“I don’t know…” I said, doubting myself.

“Myra, you’re going to be fine. I know it’s scary going back to wrestling when you haven’t done it in a while. I get that you may not be the same wrestler you were before and it may not work out. I know that you want to be successful and that a lack of success may worry you. But, I know that when you sign that contract and report to GCW, you’re going to be even better than you were before!”

“Thank you, Adri!. I believe you. But, successes, accolades and all of that isn’t what I’m worried about. I’m 30 years old, about to turn 31. I’m still young enough to have success in my career and greater success than before…”

“So why are you so hesitant to get back to your dream? You want this, Myra! You deserve to go back to wrestling and have a better ending than you did two years ago.”

“I’ve got to sacrifice… and those sacrifices aren’t small. Travelling around the world again? Less time I get to spend with Kimberly? She’s only going to be two and she really needs me to be there at this age. I’ve felt you and I have bonded during my retirement too and I feel like going back to wrestling would risk that. I don’t want to lose that.”

“Don’t worry about me. Listen to your heart. I would love it, personally, if you went back. The way your career ended was cruel and there’s no reason why that should be your final chapter. Your heart wants this, Myra. Listen to it. Sign that contract and live your dream again. When Kimberly gets older, she’ll truly understand. No matter what you do, you have my unconditional support. Our bond won’t be lost just because we wouldn’t be spending as much time together. Besides, Ricky already gave you his blessing. So at this point, why would you pass this up?”

This caused me to think a bit. A part of me felt guilty because I was feeling like Adrianna was sacrificing our bond for my career. Yet, in my heart, getting back in the ring was something that I always wanted to do. There was unfinished business in the ring that I felt like I had to take care of and I knew how lucky I was that I even got a second chance to be part of something I’d loved since I was seven years old.

“You may never get another chance to go back…” Adrianna reminded me. “Wouldn’t Kimberly appreciate you more if you went back to revive your dream instead of wondering ‘what if’ for the rest of your life? I will have your back, 100 percent, just like I always have. I promise.”

I thought about it for a little more, and then I signed the GCW contract. My heart was full of joy knowing I was going to be living my dream again.

“Thank you, Adrianna. I’m so happy that I have you as my sister. I don’t know if I would’ve made this move today without you…”

This memory certainly stung for me considering I’d cut her off for a year just five months later. Still, I was only about to reflect on how strong her unconditional love truly was…

Christmas Day 2018

I was fresh off of losing the Carnage tag titles to Paragon and fresh off of deciding that I didn’t want to live in the darkness anymore. This was the day that I faced up to my awful mistakes being the person that I was for the very first time. We sat alone in my backyard with three whole years of guilt and regret stabbing me in the heart.

“I’m so sorry for being such a terrible sister and for the way I’ve been treating you the last three years…” I said with all the regret that my heart could possibly muster. “I’ve done so many awful things to you. I’ve said so many awful things to you. I don’t think I can take any of it back. I never meant to be so hurtful to you. Wrestling and I have a toxic relationship. It’s brought out the best of me and it’s brought out the worst of me… and you more than anyone not named Jazmyn has seen and felt the worst of me…”

“You put me through hell, Myra.” Adrianna said. “You called me names. You put me down. You cut me off for a whole year at one point because you thought I was dead weight. You truly broke my heart treating me the way you did. However, I never lost faith in you and I knew that someday, you were going to talk to me again. Even more, I knew that someday, you were going to come around. You’ve started to, and I’m happy beyond words. Let’s just say that this is the best Christmas present you could ever give me.”

“I’m never, EVER going back to that darkness again! I’ll NEVER be that person that I was in my wrestling career and the best way to do it is to… let it go… to retire… because this ensures I’ll never make the same mistake again.”

“Myra… don’t…”

“I have to. I’m never going to redeem myself for all the horrible things I’ve done. I’ve burned so many bridges. I’ll never be forgiven for what I’ve done.”

“I’ve forgiven you…” she said, much to my shock. “...and I think you WILL redeem yourself. You know in your heart who you need to be. You know who the real Myra is. The fans and your peers know who she is. The way to prove that you’re sorry is to give them the Myra they haven’t had in three years. You ARE redeemable. You WILL make up for what you’ve done. I was one of the people you treated the WORST and I’ve forgiven you.

“I promised you 10 years ago that I’d be your inspiration…” I said with a sigh. “If it’s the old Myra that they all knew and loved that they want, then that’s what they’re going to get. Redeeming myself and making up for EVERYTHING is going to be an uphill battle for me but if you believe in me, then I should too. I’m going to make it happen… and it’s going to take some time. How long? I don’t know. All I know is… it’s a challenge that I KNOW I can overcome. You’re so forgiving… I don’t know if I deserve it after all I put you through…”

“You’re my sister!” Adrianna reminded me. “No matter what, I will always want you to be part of my life…”

I felt conflicted, but at the same time, I was feeling happy. Once again, Adrianna encouraged me to push on. But more importantly, she made it clear that everything was a clean slate and that I had a chance to start over. Considering that most wrestlers in the business don’t even get a second or third change, it was something that I definitely felt grateful for and never lost sight of.

After all, aside from the occasional relapse, I haven’t slipped back into the darkness ever since. Adrianna was certainly someone to credit for that…

July 6th

Scotty walked back in the room holding an envelope and he was incredibly calm, even calmer than he was before he had left the room. The way he was carrying himself really caught me by surprise.

“The love of your life is in a life and death situation and you don’t seem worried at all.”

“Adrianna is going to get through this” Scotty said, almost as if he knew. “I sure as hell believe in her. She’s a Rivers, just like her sister. If my dad and I know anything about Rivers women, it’s that they’re incredibly strong. She’s been stable since she’s been here and I know that’s a great sign. She is strong enough to pull through this and so are you. Your whole SCW career has solidified you as one of the strongest women I’ve ever known. You’ve overcome so much of your insecurities and your demons that most wouldn’t even be able to themselves.”

“But… this is different. Seeing someone I love like this… it breaks my heart so bad. I’m going to be so unfocused against Amber. She’s going to beat me and I’m going to lose everything. My title reign is going to be over. The best chance at a world championship that I’ve ever had will be gone… and it just might be my last chance considering I’m about to turn 37 and everything. I’ll have to start all over again, from the bottom. I want to fight that match, Scotty. I want to dedicate it to Adrianna’s honor so badly. But I know that before, I’ve done the same thing with my mother and with Kimberly and I’ve lost those matches and it’s devastated me to the point of going insane. The consequences of that match have the potential to be severe… even more now in light of what’s happening…”

“What happened to being zen about this whole thing and not worrying about the consequences of failure like you were preaching so much about going into your mixed tag match?”

“Oh… right…” I said with a sigh. “It’s just hard right now to be so focused. Tonight’s been a roller coaster. One minute, I’m feeling like I’m the best that I’ve ever been and that I’m on top of my game and that I’ve finally got everything figured out and the next, I find out my sister is in a life or death situation.”

“I understand. But at the end of the day, the odds of you winning that match against Amber haven’t changed one bit. You have to believe in Adrianna that she can pull through this and you have to believe in yourself that you can as well. Last I checked, you’re still at the best you’ve ever been and at the top of your game. So what do you say? Are you on that cruise?”

Scotty’s words have at least pulled me out of the hole a bit. I was starting to feel that old fire and encouragement from before that had enabled me to pull off such a historic reign. My eyes were finally dry after crying on and off for so long and I could feel my spirit starting to come back to me. I nodded at Scotty who looked relieved.

“It’s what Adrianna would want. The only thing that has changed about this match is that I have something else to fight for and that something just happens to be someone that I love and care for deeply.”

“I have to get back to my parents to get the twins. But, before I go, here’s that thing that I wanted to give you.”

Scotty hands me an envelope that has my name on it and a small note that says “don’t open until your birthday”

“Adrianna wanted to give it to you when you went on the cruise. She didn’t want you to read it until your birthday, but I think you need it now, more than ever. I’ll let you know that my girls and I are okay. Kimberly’s okay, right?”

“She’s spending the night with her grandmother…” I said. “Thank you.”

We hugged each other once more before Scotty left the room for the night, obviously to take care of his and Adrianna’s twin daughters during this difficult time. I reached inside the envelope and I pulled out a card. I widened my eyes when I saw that the front of the card said “Happy Birthday” on it. I was feeling incredibly touched when it also said “To the best sister ever…”

Opening it, I found a written note inside the birthday card that Adrianna wrote…

“Myra,

Today, you’re fighting the biggest match of your life. Some birthday present, right? I want you to know that no matter what happens against Amber, I will always be proud of you for how far you’ve come and you will always be an inspiration to me. Win or lose, that will never change.

During your SCW career, you’ve been at your very best.

Beating Amber and Alicia back to back in your third and fourth matches respectively in SCW? REALLY? God, that was amazing! Winning the Internet title against Kate in just your fifth match there? I was beyond floored and beyond happy for you. I had never been more thrilled for you. It was one of my favorite moments of your career. Your amazing, historic title run, the run you had in the Blast from the Past tournament, your High Stakes win over Seleana, your recent defense against Roxi… I can go on and on. Seeing you evolve into the wrestler that I always knew you could be has been one of the greatest joys of my whole life.

I know in GCW and UWA, you were a huge screw up. I know things ended badly in Carnage. But sis, your SCW run has fully redeemed you. You have come such a LONG way from your shortcomings and all of the awful mistakes you had made to the point where those can never define you anymore. You have conquered your demons, slayed your insecurities and become the best sister anyone can ever ask for. Thirteen years of cheering for you and standing by your side and I’ve never been happier to have you as my sister than I am right now.

Amber will be tough, but the demons and the insecurities you slayed along the way were tougher.

I believe in you! I have all of my faith in you that you are going to win this match! Now go out there and do it! Go out and make history! Win number 20! Win your fifth world title. Nobody deserves it more than you!

I love you Miranda. What you do in that ring brings more joy to my life than I could ever describe and that’s something I always want you to remember.

Adrianna.”

I sighed after reading that, but in a good way.

“Ugh, I thought I was done crying tonight…” I said with a laugh as I put the card to the side for the moment. I walked over to her bedside again and I stood above her, holding her hand. “Thank you, Adrianna. Thank you for all of the unconditional love and support you’ve given me over the years even when I may not have deserved it. For you, I’m going on that cruise, I’m fighting Amber, and I’m winning that world title because I know you’d want me to fight that match no matter what. I love you baby sister…”

I emphasized this with a kiss to her forehead.

“I’m not leaving your side tonight…”

I sat down next to her and held her hand as tight as I could. Even though I eventually fell asleep in my chair, I stayed with her all night because I wanted to be there for someone who had done so much for my life and for my career…

And now? I was determined to win the world title for her too...

July 10th, 2021

Two days later, I had the cameras on me in the unlikeliest of places: a hospital waiting room. Obviously, with Adrianna’s condition being what it was, I wanted to spend as much time with her as I could. I had the Internet Championship with me and it was over my shoulder and for a while, I was battling the cobwebs in my brain that made me torn about even trying to do this. However, my heart reminded me that Adranna would still want to give it my best at what I do in this business no matter what the circumstances were. I could feel her love and her strength in my heart as I began to express my thoughts on what I already knew would be the biggest match of my career…

“It bears reminding the world, but when I first signed to Sin City Wrestling, I never imagined my journey would go like this. Summer XXXtreme will be my 350th day as the SCW Bombshells Internet Champion. Summer XXXtreme will also happen to fall on my 37th birthday. And here I am, in the best form that I’ve ever been in my career, fighting Amber Ryan in a title for title match. This isn’t our first encounter with each other, but this is our first encounter one on one since Into the Void last year and it goes without saying that we’ve both changed and grown since then. I have overcome so much to get to where I am. I had to prove myself in this company. I had to prove to the business that I had finally grown and evolved into a true professional wrestler. I had to prove to the business that I wasn’t the same old, bridge burning Myra that would cause a whole host of backstage controversy like I was before. I have. In spades. Critics have tried to come my way. You’ve had your Ruby Steeles trying to drag me down with empty nonsense and such, but through it all, through thick and thin, through the criticism, through some bitterness, through some cynics and through some haters, I never stopped believing that one day I would get to this point and that I would get to this point the RIGHT way: because I’ve EARNED IT, because I’ve proven myself as one of the best women’s wrestlers in the world! I didn’t take shortcuts. I didn’t cheat my way to get to this point. I didn’t blast anyone’s brains out with a ringbell to get my way. I did it the way I was brought up in this business!

I did it with honor. I did it with integrity. I did it because I was always capable of doing this and sure, maybe on paper, I MIGHT be the underdog against Amber Ryan because something that hasn’t changed is that she’s the favorite to win in the Vegas betting odds just about every single match that she’s wrestled. I get that she’s been dominant. I get that she has ran through just about everyone that’s been in her way. I know she gave someone of the stature of Roxi Johnson problems last year. Recently, she even put the woman that at one point was more feared than any woman on the roster in Alicia Lukas in her place. You can say that Amber has BECOME that herself and that she’s become themost HATED woman on the roser. But the thing is Amber, I don’t hate  you. I don’t fear you. I am not like Christina Rose who made it all about wanting to ‘kill’ you and who had this huge vendetta against you. I’m not someone like Ruby Steele who truly wasn’t ready for the spotlight. I am far and away the biggest challenge you are ever going to have in your title reign and that is going to hold true even if you beat me and move along with your reign. The match that should’ve been the main event of Into the Void is finally going to happen and I don’t know about you, Amber, but despite being the likely underdog… and despite the fact that my sister recently got into a life threatening accident and I wasn’t sure if I was even going to wrestle this match at one point, I’m feeling as great as I’ve ever been. I know what you are, Amber. I know your mystique and I know your aura and that’s why you haven’t been able to beat me.

Does that eat at you? I wasn’t joking nor was I holding back when I said that you were someone that needs constant validation from yourself. I never meant any disrespect by that. I was calling it like I see it because at one point, I thought just like you. I want to pity you in a way, Amber because no matter what you accomplish in this business, nothing feels like it’s good enough for you. Here you are as the world champion and one of the most dominant bombshells that we’ve had in recent memory and you STILL find an excuse to be miserable? You’ve defended that title three times already and it’s STILL not enough for you? I understand that you are one of those wretlers that feels like they can’t have enough because again, that was me at one point but wow, nothing you’ve accomplished makes you happy enough? Right, you said it yourself. ‘There’s no such thing as enough’. Yikes. That sounds quite dark if you ask me. It’s one thing to keep pushing to be stronger and better every single day, but the way you go about it, you’re never satisfied with a damn thing and you never can be, because deep down, being satisfied creates a fear of complacency in you. It’s a double edged sword. Sure, you stay motivated, but ultimately, you never stop and smell the roses. You’re far too consumed in your business, in your career, in your legacy, in your title reign and you may not realize this Amber, but the longer you become fixated on these things, the more you risk destroying yourself. I get the sense that should I win this match, everything that you’ve accomplished will feel meaningless won’t it?

The match itself, it may be all or nothing, but I’m not treating it that way because the way I see it, all I have to lose is a match and a championship I already have and that’s coming from the perspective of someone that is strong enough to be grateful of the fact that they weren’t even supposed to get as far as she has in this company. I didn’t come to Sin City Wrestling with the mission of destroying everyone, putting everyone in their place and being the best at everything. That’s an M.O. that I’ve long abandoned, Amber. You? You’re a complete mystery, or at least you’d like to think you’re one but the truth of the matter is, you’re not. Validation is what defines you because you can never get enough of it. You couldn’t even relax going into our tag team match and at least have a LITTLE bit of perspective. No, you had to spend much of your promo talking about how you didn’t like the stipulation of the match, how it has to be YOU in the proper main event of the show to ‘maintain the status quo’ and all of these other things. You brag about how you’ve  made your home in the main event and how the main event has to be your house and such, but does it really need to be? You’re the world champion. You’re still in a high profile match that I would consider the main event even though on the card it’s not the MAIN EVENT MAIN EVENT, but because it’s not, that’s something to gripe about, right? You say that you respect me, but I know you’re still going to try to do whatever it takes to try to tear me down because that IS your M.O. That IS what you feel like you need to do to every single opponent whether you respect them or not. I know this because that’s what you did to me in our first one on one encounter. It’s the intimidator tactic, I get it. You’ve got to throw someone off their psychological game. I can vouch for that approach since I used to do the same thing myself but something that you need to learn more than anything else coming into this match, Amber, is that no matter what you say, no matter what you do, no matter how badly you hurt me, no matter how much you might try to diminish what I have accomplish, no matter how much you may try to compare my SCW run to yours in a condescending way, you can’t EVER break me down.

You may respect me now, but I can’t and I won’t, forget how a few months ago, in the Blast from the Past tournament when we faced each other, you DID try to diminish what I’ve done: saying you weren’t impressed by my Bombshells Internet title reign up to that point, criticizing me for saying ‘not all that much’, even going out there and trying to Ruby Steele my titole reign before the stupid bitch herself did so leading up to the Blast from the Past finals. You tried everything in your arsenal leading up to that Blast from the Past finals match to try to diminish my title reign and make it seem like it was nothing impressive and nothing special because you felt like you HAD to do that. You HAD to even TRY to say that I had ‘stagnated’ since our first one and one encounter. I’m the one that’s stagnated, but in that promo before that Blast from the Past match, you proved that you had learned NOTHING from that first encounter. Stagnating wrestlers don’t hold a championship for 350 days. Stagnating wrestlers don’t get to the Blast from the Past finals… albeit, I HATED how I got there as far as it pertains to you because I never wanted to win that match that way, but still. What I’ve done here? It speaks for itself. The fact that you tried to diminish that before? That speaks for itself too.

You HAD to feel the NEED to do so.

Hell, you even said it yourself months ago that you have a reputation that you HAVE to uphold and that said reputation dictates that you HAVE to have a win back against someone that you’ve never beaten one on one. WHY do you even HAVE to uphold a certain reputation? Why do you HAVE to beat someone that’s beaten you in the past? That just further feeds into what I’ve been saying about validation being a drug. That just proves to me that without beating me, you’re never going to feel complete as a world champion, does it not? If you truly believed in yourself and what you do in this business to your purest hearts of hearts, then you wouldn’t HAVE to validate yourself by beating me. You wouldn’t HAVE to uphold a certain reputation. You wouldn’t NEED to have the whole world revolve around you. You wouldn’t feel the NEED to break down and put down other people as if they weren’t worthy of facing you. You treat almost everyone around you like they’re beneath you because you feel the need to do that, but you’re talking about how as the Internet champion I’m the one looking down on people? You’re the one that’s looked down on just about everyone since the day you got here which has caused so much hatred toward you from the Bombshells locker room with me being one of the few exceptions.

You can never be truly happy or satisfied in this business, Amber. You can never find your true zen nor can you ever be at peace with yourself as far as professional wrestling is concerned. It’s not momentum that is your biggest disadvantage against me. It’s not the fact that you’ve yet to defeat me that is your biggest advantage. Your biggest disadvantage, your biggest weakness, is just that: that nothing’s ever good enough for you and that you can never be happy or satisfied with ANYTHING! This match for you? Be honest. Sure, you have that motivation of facing a worthy challenger and someone that you respect, but that’s not your biggest motivation, is it? Be honest with the world. Be honest with yourself. The biggest thing for you is to finally get that win over me that you haven’t gotten yet. You’re too much of a tortured troubled soul for that thought to have NOT crossed your mind at some point. But for me? This motivation that I have? It goes beyond the business. It goes beyond accomplishing my goal of my 5th world title and my 20th title overall. Sure, those are great numbers, but I’ve never been obsessed with them. I want to win this match, Amber and I want to win it badly, there’s no denying that, but I want to win this match for the love that I have for this business. Because I know in my heart that being the SCW Bombshells World Champion gives me the opportunity to represent this company and give this company something to be proud of in the wrestling world.

Being the SCW Bombshells World Champion would be the biggest honor of my career.

This isn’t about a redemption tour. I’ve already completed that. And while I preached for so long about reaching my full potential, this isn’t about that either because I know in my heart that after all these years, I’ve finally done so and the outcome of this match doesn’t change that no matter what the outcome is.

And yes, that IS good enough for me and that’s not being complacent because I’ve NEVER, EVER been complacent in my career. That's me having the ability that YOU have ALWAYS lacked in your career and that is being secure with oneself. This is basically DO OR DIE, ALL OR NOTHING for you and you’re going to keep putting that pressure on yourself with that tendency to never be happy with anything. There is no pressure on me… even in the shadow of my sister having a life threatening accident and being comatose and knowing that I AM fighting this match for her as a thank you for all that she’s done for me. All the pressure is on you, Amber.

All that pressure you put on yourself with that lack of self-validation and the lack of ability to be secure in any way is what is ultimately going to sink your championship reign. You’ve always been one of those wrestlers that fight for glory, and championships and fame… at least that’s how you’ve always come off to me with how you act. You’ve always been fighting these battles in professional wrestling to be better than anyone and everyone… all because you can never have enough.

But not me… not anymore. I’m beyond having to fight for ego and self-fulfillment now. It’s not about goals, it’s about doing right by my life’s passion and the company that I KNOW I am going to retire with in the far future. It’s about doing right by everyone that has ever stood by me through all the years, thick and thin. It’s about my sister and making her proud. It’s about my daughter and continuing to show that she’ll always have a role model in me. It’s about my mother and continuing to fight in her honor for the legacy she left in her day and for everything she EVER did for me in my life, especially laying the groundwork for the passion of my entire life.

LOVE, not validation, Amber, is why I wrestle now… love for the business, love for this division, love for those that stand by me…

Hell, I’ve finally learned to love myself after beating myself down for years. I pity you Amber… because you ARE better than what you’ve been your entire SCW career. You’re BETTER than never feeling like anything is good enough. You’re BETTER than never being satisfied with anything. You just don’t love yourself enough to be better than all that…

Perhaps when I take that title from you, you’ll finally understand how to.

So go ahead, Amber. Bring that chip on your shoulder. Bring your worst. Bring that self-hatred and that scorn that you carry in your heart. Bring that bitterness that you carry in your soul. Because I know I’m strong enough to overcome all that, defeat you, and become the SCW Bombshells World Champion…

And at Summer XXXtreme, when I pour my heart into this more than ever before and carry the strength I’ve built within me and the strength and the love those that have stood by me have given me…

That’s exactly what I am going to do…

At this point, I shut off the camera. But even then, I pull out a picture of Adrianna and I smiling and laughing together with one last thing to say.

“We’re going to win this together sis… I know we are… your love, your strength… it’s going to win me that world title…”

[DistortedAngel]

“One to be a murderer, the other to be martyred, One to be a monarch, the other to go mad.”
― Marissa Meyer, Heartless





Sun Princess Cruise
Somewhere out at sea… probably.
12.07.2021
11:28am



Amber was certain everyone saw through the façade.

Smile. Flash. Another photo.

No, smile harder cause first impressions fucking matter.

She would have sworn up and down, as the enthusiastic fan rejoined the buzzing ballroom space, that everyone else in the room was humouring her poor attempts to fit in. Meet and greets were always a mixed bag, the raucous showed up in force, not caring who was slated- or in this case when- just that they needed to be remembered, acknowledged by those whose lives seemed to matter far more than theirs. Hell, she’d done this type of stuff plenty before- but mostly as a nobody, as a new face in a company trying to be recognized. Most of those who did were the rabid, the ones who paid their rent money to attend a show, skipped a doctor's visit for a new shirt, who cared so much about what they loved that they even remembered the ferocious little redhead in the opener that was  just happy to have made the main card.

Those were small scale affairs though- maybe they thought she seemed kinda cool or simply banked on the fact that they were 80% sure she wasn’t just some backstage pleb shuffling people through robotically.

She’d never really done anything like this as a world champion though… Now everyone seemed to be glancing across the room as they moved between other more approachable stars trying to figure out if they could get a photo without losing too much of an important limb.

In truth though, she was far more terrified than they ever could be.

No, just put on the damn face Amber and pretend like your nervous system isn’t stuck in fast forward and you don’t wanna lose your breakfast all over this generic carpet. Internally she scolded herself, there really wasn't anything to fear but her own insecurity- but be damned in having a hundred or so eyes on you when you were actually paying attention to what they thought wasn’t just slightly intimidating.

Nearby, leaning on the edge of a table, she could hear Mac chuckle loudly. Desperately she wanted to give him a side glance, a sightline SOS cause it felt like she was drowning on dry land.
He knew she was putting it on, even without looking at her he could sense that she’d grown tense, that her smile hurt more than it should have.

God, since when did wrestling become the easiest part of being world champion?

Amber mused quietly as a small group of twenty-something year old fans approached, their cautious smiles offset with nervous chatter and overly polite questions. Even her tongue felt dry, almost swollen to the point she could barely close her lips- words tumbling out in a way that she hoped didn’t shift the power dynamic. They seemed satisfied although she doubted they had much other choice, or simply were overwhelmed by adrenaline and euphoria that the disappointment of Amber mumbling barely incoherently wouldn’t sink in till much later.

No, at least with wrestling there was a singular focus. One person, one goal, one belt. One achievement at the end of a misshapen rainbow with distinctly too much red. In that ring, she could be anyone else and receive no judgement- being good, bad or otherwise was simply part of the journey instead of a predetermined destination.
That was the thing, a thousand eyes might be on you, but you didn’t see them- for the time between those tolling bells, everything those eyes had to offer, had to resent and judge you for… they didn’t matter. They held no power, they had no sway as though their mouths no longer noise and their hearts stopped beating until they were given a three-count jumpstart.

Between those ropes, surrounded on six sides- she could be anyone else. Maybe she’d be the person she always wanted to be, the one she dreamed off late at night as a kid surrounded by posters nearly falling off the walls… or maybe she’d be everything she’d come to loathe internally, the person who’d do absolutely anything to anyone on the proviso that the end justifies the means.
Mostly though… Amber resigned herself to quietly admitting, trying to ignore the chatter of small talk and rising temperature in the room… Mostly she was both of those people because somehow, someway they ended up being one in the same.

She knew though, shooting Mac yet another sideways glance that seemed to bounce off his affable nature, that once it came down to the match… when it came down to what really mattered… when it just came down to what she could do inside a six-sided ring.

She knew she’d be fine.

So where the fuck was that Amber now?

“Miss Ryan?”

Like flicking a switch, Amber shifted into auto-pilot ‘professional mode’ as an older woman approached whilst flanked by a group of special needs teenagers and adults.

“Yeah, sorry was just… you know... ”

Amber actually didn’t know, however the lady nodded with a polite, almost matronly smile. No doubt just as confused, but shrugging it off cause these damn wrestlers and their daydreams.

“I hope you don’t mind if we---”

Straightening up as though being told off for slouching in her chair at school, Amber slipped the Bombshells World title off her shoulder- almost savouring its weight in her hands before passing it off to the older woman. Briefly Amber opened her mouth to warn her that the title was heavier than it looked, but after a moments realization the title was already being gently placed on the shoulder of a young lady in a wheelchair.
With a smile that Amber could only one day hope to successfully imitate and fluffy brunette hair that fell around her face, framing wire-rimmed glasses and hazel eyes glimmering with an untold excitement, the young lady gave- what Amber could only presume- was her best ‘Distorted Angel’ impression.
Determinedly distant and apathetic, although definitely tempered by a radiating excitement that simply couldn't be contained.

Watching amusedly, Amber leaned back against the table behind her for a moment, almost glad not to be the centre of attention for a minute or two before a soft touch on the arm drew her back to reality. A knowing, almost crooked smile met her as the older lady leaned in slightly.

“Perhaps you’d like to, oh I don’t know... join her? You are, after all, the champion I presume...”

Despite the inflection in her voice, Amber immediately realized that it wasn’t being framed as a question. For some reason, she’d always considered the title as the centre piece- the only reason that anyone came up to someone like her to begin with besides asking for money- the redhead was realistically just the vessel, like a direction to be pointed in.

“I mean I’d hate to ruin her---”

“Trust me. You won’t be ruining anything.”

Swallowing hard, Amber tried her damndest not to stumble over her own feet- she was merely a consequence of the privilege. That Bombshell's World title was a symbol of excellence, it was a statement above all others and a declaration of what could be achieved. In the eyes of many, no doubt, she was just the newest pretty-ish face to lug it around while explaining to airport security why her extra carry-on bag weighed so damn much.
Just lucky, and probably a little fucking cuckoo.

Mac caught her edging glance this time, his own gathering of special needs fans milling about whilst a slightly younger woman corralled them thoughtfully- with a knowing wink, he leaned down towards a particularly frail looking boy while helping support the hefty title belt resting on his small shoulder.

See, Mac understood this… he made it look so fucking easy that it was almost infuriating.

Given the option, she’d just as quickly have disappeared under the table as she would take another photo…

Do the right thing Red, she could practically hear Mac telling her now, take the damn picture. Go say something nice, thank them for not being complete assholes and move on to the next one…

Leaning into where she presumed the frame would be, as an obscene amount of mobile phones emerged from pockets, she could feel the smile almost tear at her cheeks while her dry lips cracked a little from the exertion.

Smile. Flash. Another photo.

She didn’t understand how it came so easily to everyone else- making small talk between photos, smiles plastered far and wide as though grimaces had been painted garishly into grins. It all felt like an inside joke that she’d only ever heard the build for, the punchline somehow elusive as everyone devolved into raucous laughter before she could learn their secret.

God, she wanted it to make sense… for all this to be as easy as breathing.

More photos and smiles, more pleasantries as the group moved off- satiated on everything she had to give, despite the well having run dry before she’d entered the room. As the group shifted off, stragglers gave a gentle nudge in the right direction while the more enthusiastic were shepherded back towards their troupe while gleefully muttering about what they’d been allowed to be a part of.
Before Amber could exhale the breath she’d been holding onto- the matronly woman, her name badge obscured by the thick plait that had crawled over her shoulder and down to her waist, placed another gentle hand on Amber’s forearm in the type of way that only grandmothers and the such like could.

“Thank you, I know it's probably a bit of an ask when everyone wants their moment…”

Amber stifled a scoff as best she could, obviously she wasn’t exactly familiar with who Amber was- only that she had a shiny belt and therefore that made her important.

If only that were remotely true.

Perspective was key- having the belt made her someone to be seen with, regardless of how she’d gotten there.
All the things she’d done along the way- previously shunned and scorned for the same violence that was now praised and widely regarded as a significant turning point. All the things she’d said- too harsh, too virulent and venomous, not appropriate and deliberately acerbic, now everyone hung from her every word and treated her opinions as though they were spun from gold.

No, because she had the belt… everything was somehow forgiven cause it was a means to an end.

“... but you made some very special people very happy today.”

Amber could only wonder if the same would be said once she went out there in front of the world and did heinous, possibly inhuman things to retain her Bombshell's world title…

Or if it really was just a matter of perspective.





******



“In the span of a year, you could do many great things.

Lives begin and end within mere days, change happening in but the blink of an eye. Everything you know, everything you’ve worked for- that you love and you sacrifice for moment after moment can turn to ash between your fingers as you try to hold onto absolutely anything before it's lost to the breeze.
Under ideal circumstances there is infinite potential- but our lives don't quite work like that, do they? This industry that we’ve committed our very existence to wouldn't dare allow us such a luxury and so with the rolling tides and the setting of the sun- we rise and we fall.

Some of us take flight, using those fallen around us as motivation to do better. To take stock of what left us grounded and we rebuild, hoping that the foundation holds long enough before the scavengers steal the legs out from underneath in an effort to elevate themselves. We do better cause we have the willingness to do so and the belief that for whatever reason- we might deserve it.
Of course, then there are others who fall and continue to do so cause they fail to realize that just because it's movement from a status quo, doesn’t make it a positive change where reality only sets in once they hit the fucking floor. They wallow, they make excuses and refuse to move from that place cause they want someone else to start building their foundation beneath them, they want to be elevated by what little of their reputation still carries weight and favour.

In the span of a year we can fall in love a thousand times over- maybe even more. Sometimes it's with someone else, unexpected perhaps or someone you chose to see everyday. Other times it's simply with a cup of coffee after a long night or a particularly lovely sunrise when you’re on your way to the gym… we attach ourselves to things and people cause we need to feel love, to reciprocate it.
We fall in love with our achievements and we mourn their losses cause we understand that they can't possibly be forever- and though we may admit as such, it's still a shock when you wake up without that extra weight on your chest.
We fight and we mourn for what we no longer have, for everything we’ve done and what used to represent our hard work. Celebration in the same breath as acceptance of an inevitable failure.

Lives change so drastically in the space of a year, that sometimes we forget it really only takes one night.

At Summer XXXTreme last year- you won that Internet title. Of course, I don’t need to recount the story or blow smoke cause you do just fine at embellishing details without my help. Fact is that for a year now you’ve kept a stranglehold on that title- you climbed that mountain and you made it mean something… sort of.
It's easy to talk about climbing mountains when you fail to see the bigger one just on the horizon, to talk about overcoming challenge after challenge when those chasing that title aren’t quite giving you their best cause they don’t think either you or the title are really worth that.

I’d never say you haven’t earned every single one of those nine defenses…

… however it's a little rich as well to make it sound like you’ve climbed Everest, when you’re standing on a plateau.

See, the issue here is that you pigeonholed yourself without really meaning to- you created this niche, and at first it seemed like a great little short term hang out on your way to greater things, but defense after defense went by and you got comfy. You started furnishing this niche, hanging wall posters etc you grew comfortable cause you knew that you had a safe place- you had a homeground advantage, a sanctuary and be damned if you’d be beaten on your own hallowed ground.
For a year there was no need to do better, you had no reason to look beyond what you had- cause it was yours.

A year is a long time though, and the challenge just isn’t there anymore. There’s only so many Char Kwans and Jessie Salco’s that you can beat before things get a little tedious, and that internet title doesn’t shine quite as bright when it's not in the main event.
I mean I honestly commend you for being willing to step beyond the threshold, taking that much needed step out of your comfort zone to find a much higher mountain with a far less comfortable summit- see, this isn’t a place that can be claimed, you can't settle down here cause the terrain simply won’t allow it. Rarefied air does funny things to the brain when deprived for too long, and the top of the mountain was never meant to be owned.

We rent this space, this air isn’t ours to claim, but we make it home while we can meanwhile trying to ignore the skeletons just below our feet from all the other poor suckers who just weren’t ready for the high life.
I have no allusions to think that my reign will last forever Myra, I’m not in such a state of denial to think I can’t be beaten just because I have the literal higher ground- after all, many a title has been lost when hubris is prioritised.

See, the thing is you look at me and you continually make assumptions. Maybe all that oxygen deprivation and head trauma has done quite a number on me- but you’re still talking at me like you have this inside information, like you’re saying anything that hasn't been regurgitated from almost every opponent I’ve ever faced.
You wanna say I’m a mystery, but then proceed to unwrap me like a kid at Christmas. I mean I hate to break it to you, but just cause it's in barbie wrapping paper and is shaped like a barbie doll box- doesn’t mean that it can't be yet another big ole middle finger from the universe. I’m very much not the one-dimensional edge lord that you’d like to make me out as, I might have my issues granted and I’ve spoken very openly about them- but I have the same ambitions as anyone else on this roster… oh, except for you of course.

Myra Rivers, paragon of virtue.

Hmmmm, poor choice of words maybe.

You’re the ‘manic pixie dream girl’ of the Bombshells division. You aren’t like everyone else, you pride yourself on integrity and honour- you just wanna go out there and do all the good things, and the fact you’ve gotten where you are is just cause of hard work and believing in yourself.
Don't you think I heard enough of that from Roxi- I mean I know you beat the woman, but to steal her schtick as well might be a little low for someone of your high moral standing. You act as though you’re above this match, above this division- while we’re all scraping away to be considered the best in an industry leading division, you’d much rather show everyone that you’re better than simply being champion. You surpass all expectations and socio-economic standards of wrestling.

Just like Mother fucking Theresa if she could do a mean headlock.

See, there's a reason things aren’t good enough for me- and it's got nothing to do with validation, I don’t have to look in a mirror and repeat mantras to get going in the morning. I work harder cause I know I can do better, I know I can be better- why should I settle when there's always a new mountain?
You’re content Myra, content with what you’ve built cause you have little reason left to be ambitious- you were just like me, and you did whatever it took to get what you wanted. You don’t win world titles without being a piece of shit, you don’t stay champion for 300 plus days cause you’re just really happy to be there- no, you had that hunger, that drive and now that you’ve done everything you wanted, you can sit back and rest on those precious laurels.
You get to take a step back and judge the rest of us assholes with something left to prove for all the things that you once did, shunning the same behaviours that made you exactly who you are.

God, it must be really easy to call people hypocrites when you’re so fucking oblivous to whats coming out of your mouth.

Maybe one day, if I ever get to that point of course, I’ll get to smell the proverbial roses before they wilt. I’ll stop and enjoy what I’ve done, I’ll be able to look back and marvel at the distance I’ve covered and every step that I took to achieve them- but the fact is Myra, I’m not there yet. I’m a work in progress and maybe I will be for sometime- I didn’t come up the same way as you, I didn’t just get opportunities and title shots cause I made a lot of noise…
It took me a damn long time to start speaking up for the things I wanted, the things I believe I had earned. Longer than I care to admit- and I haven’t done as many impressive things as you. I’ve won four world titles in almost 13 years- it's a laughable amount in retrospect, and makes it seem like I’m just a late bloomer.

Four world titles from less than ten attempts- really my batting average isn’t exactly terrible however it's not as many as I should have gotten- see I missed many chances cause I was told that I wasn’t good enough. That I wasn't ready. That it wasn’t for me.
So to hear you try and tell me that I need to validate myself is fucking laughable, I might be my own worst enemy Myra- but I know I deserve better. I’ve known for a long time and that's why this ‘all or nothing’ really is all or nothing for me. Why it means so damn much, cause the prospect of losing everything to someone who thinks that I’m just another self-destructive wannabe legendary twat is absolutely maddening.

You don’t get to tell me when enough is enough, when we both know that if you weren’t elbow deep into that Internet title reign you’d be frothing for my place just as much as I am.
Right and wrong, good and bad- maybe I’m a little unconventional and yeah, it’ll probably be my downfall- but that's my issue, that's my business and the fact is… There is no ‘right way’ to be champion, no… fuck ‘the right way’ Myra- there is being a champion and there isn’t.
Either you want it or you don’t.
Judging by your inability to admit so, it's easy to see that you don’t. You no longer have any investment in that internet title cause it can’t get you any further, but bearing your fangs for the world title proves you to be more of a hypocrite than your words betray.
You call me out for letting my ambition be my ruin, but not once have you made any claim to the world title other than that it's an extra piece of luggage you have to plan for. I made being world champion something to be proud of, I took it from those who say it as just another trophy for the mantle and I’ll be fucking damned if I let it go back to being a conversation piece on a coffee table.

Here’s the thing, you make being a walking timebomb sound like it’s a bad thing, that the idea that I’ll simply self-destruct under my own pressure is a surprise to anyone. Truth is, I’d rather be that claymore on legs threatening to detonate if looked at the wrong way- but wear the Bombshells world title with the pride and respect it deserves… I’d rather lose it all eventually to someone who can prove they want this title more than I do, rather than someone who walks around thinking that being comfortable in the wrestling industry is something to be proud of.

Look me in the eye and tell me you want this Bombshells world title more than I do Myra, tell me that and mean it- and I have no doubt you could beat me.

You can’t though, not honestly. I’d rather be left in that ring in bloody pieces than know you’re out there undermining all the hard work I’ve put into rebuilding this title's prestige. You sucked the Internet title dry and now you’re looking for new blood, well no dice here sweetheart cause I put more blood into this title than you have the capability to draw and I hope your personal hubris finally sees you turned to anti-matter at Summer XXXtreme.

A year, a year is a bloody long time Myra. For everything you’ve done, I commend you

… but what takes a year to build only takes all of three very long seconds to obliterate.”






******




Sun Princess Cruise
Somewhere still out at sea.
13.07.2021
08:03am




“Red, you can’t just stay in the cabin for the rest of the trip.”

Slightly exasperated, Mac Bane studied his wife for a moment as she sat awkwardly cross-legged at the end of the bed with a book sprawled across her lap. Without even looking up or missing a beat, Amber flicked the page over while the beginnings of a knowing smile tugged at the edge of her lips.

“Of course I can’t, I mean I still have to go out and wrestle…”

Sarcastic and a little smug, Amber’s gaze lazily wandered over the novel's pages- although she seemed far more interested in avoiding eye contact than what any of the pages before her said. She knew what Mac had meant though, outside of the prior meet and greet commitment that she’d been ‘strongly encouraged’ (and by strongly encouraged, they meant obligated by being the Bombshells World champion) to attend the day before- she’d had very little reason to leave the balcony cabin she shared with her Internet champion husband.

Although she hadn’t mentioned it to Mac, she’d contemplated asking to downgrade rooms before launching if only for her own sense of self- besides, being champion for her still didn’t quite go hand in hand with luxury and indulgence. Maybe she had earned it, a fact that Mac had been trying to drill through her thick skull since she won the belt, but it still didn’t excuse all the excess that seemed to automatically come with it.
It wasn't as though she didn’t appreciate all the niceties that the cabin had, nor the generosity of their employers in valuing both Mac and herself as headliners- it's just that… it all felt like too much. Too much in comparison to what she had to offer them as a person, too much for what she considered her worth to be, too much for someone who maybe didn’t have the capacity or taste to truly understand why these things were important.

If anything, she’d simply never had the chance to get used to niceties without strings attached.

Soft and plush, excessive purely for the sake of appearing so and materialistic in such a way that didn’t feel like it added any value outside of aesthetic, she couldn't help but wonder what kinds of people had stayed here before her… had they been wrapped up in the little details, overwhelmed by opportunity or had they grown so used to such rarities in life that such class and refinement had become mundane.
Beside her, as she adjusted slightly while trying not to sink further into the bed, the Bombshells world title sat gleaming happily and catching the morning sun that streamed in through the open balcony.

It was difficult not to linger on the fact that everything about this room was immediately connected to that belt- a fact she was more than intimately aware of and if anything, it made her almost resent the beauty of the space more. Maybe it was the whole reason she was here- but it's value came in what it had become to her, an extension of who she could be, a representation that good could come from anywhere and anyone under just the right lights… While she hadn't quite adjusted to the idea of accepting a more exquisite taste, she could more than appreciate what that belt had meant for her as a person.

… and how much she wasn’t prepared to lose it anytime soon.

Amber couldn’t help but smile a little as she considered how much she’d come to like this person she was becoming- maybe it was a bit lonely at the top, but the view was the best you could get. Assertive and a little more confident in who she was, she'd become accustomed to the nameplate on the belt- as foreign as it seemed at first- and the way people looked at her with a different point of view.
Fear and respect weren’t all that different- but finally she could find the thin line in the sand that separated them instead of obliterating it the moment she stepped in a room.

“You know what I meant darling- why don’t you use your time for good, I dunno run a class or a seminar… Go swimming. Learn to tap dance…”

Amber glanced up from her book with a ‘really?’ kinda stare, to which Mac could only shrug in response.

“Tap dance Mac… That's the best you have for me?”

Gently, yet deliberately Amber closed her book. Taking a moment to compose herself, she cleared her throat slightly and settled her hands on the edges of her knees expectantly.

“As for some class or seminar- what is it that you think I could teach anyone that wouldn’t get them arrested… What could I possibly stand in front of a group and speak on that doesn’t automatically presume that every problem could be solved by violence?
Shit I dunno, how to pickpocket 101… How to hotwire a car?”

“Amber…”

“What about- hot to start a brawl in any bar with five words or less. Yeah, that's a spot on life skill.”

“You’re being ridiculous now.”

“... or better yet- how to alienate everyone on your way to the top.”

Silence fell between them for a moment as Amber’s acerbic tone left a faintly bitter twang on the tip of her tongue. Regret perhaps, or something far simpler…

“Have you considered for a moment that you might be overreacting?”

Narrowing the gaze of her left eye, she cocked her head slightly forward' she regarded him curiously as though trying to study the level of seriousness in his voice.

“Oh, I absolutely have… and you’re entirely correct that I am. Here’s the thing though, and we both know this darling- the only real ‘skills’ I have, are the ones that got me onto this boat. They are the ones that got me to being a world champion- and if I’m brutally honest, I hope no one ever tries to follow my path cause I don’t think I could live with myself knowing someone wanted to be just like me.”

Placing her book to the side, Amber rubbed her forearm instinctively as though a reflexive nervous tic.

“Besides- there are people out there Mac…”

Trailing off her a moment, Amber briefly lost her train of thought- her tone softening in contemplation as the breath escaped her lips.

“... there are people, and I see them maybe once a week. We pass each other in the halls- sometimes they smile at me instead of hissing and scowling, but mostly we just avoid each other cause I don't understand them and they don’t wanna be anywhere near me… and you know what? We’re stuck with them for the next god knows how long… I’ll be honest with you now, I’d rather take a head first dive over that rail than get stuck in an elevator with half the people here.”

“... Come on Red, it's not that---”

Amber threw a hand up curtly, almost begging for Mac to hear her out.

“--- not that bad? Maybe not for them it's not- see they want to make small talk, they wanna forge connections cause they get this shit… Damn near anyone on this roster can walk into a room full of people and know they aren’t gonna offend anyone simply by looking in the wrong direction, they don’t feel like their chest is about to explode when someone starts a conversation about nothing.
I can accept the fact that most of them don’t hate me these days- but plenty sure as fuck don’t like me much either…”

Reaching to her other side without looking, Amber pawed for a moment trying to get a firm grip on the Bombshells world title before pulling it into her lap like a security blanket.

“... because of this. Because I’m me. I’m safe here Mac, they don’t have to pretend and I don’t feel like I’m gonna choke on a hello. So, why leave?”

Forcing a smile, Amber gripped tightly the edge of her world title. There was comfort from leather and metal as Mac watched her solemnly- measuring his words in hopes that the rising snark and frustration didn’t seep into his words too deeply.

“... You know, you haven’t exactly made much of an effort.”

Amber was sure he didn’t mean it to come across with such… haughtiness. As though the idea that she hadn’t been trying was something so averse and unapologetic that he couldn’t help the way the words seemed to fall. Both of them knew what he meant though- Amber had a distinct way of simply vanishing into thin air when sociably threatened- hell, she’d termed herself on more than one occasion as ‘socially claustrophobic’. Fact was, unless she happened to be wickedly hyped up on adrenaline or simply switched into what Mac had delightfully coined as her ‘hurricane mode’, then odds were that she’d actively avoid any potential civil situation not on her terms.

“Maybe so- and that's on me, however it doesn’t change the fact that we’re still gonna be stuck around each other and I don’t wanna be the reason anyone is miserable unless it's Myra fucking Rivers after our match cause I kept MY world title. It's just- I don’t get to wake up in the morning and everything just clicks, I don’t get how to suddenly read a room or make small talk that doesn’t feel like chewing aluminum foil.”

Pulling her title a little closer, Amber looked down into the golden surface somehow hoping it might distort the view of the person looking back at her.

“Besides, as much as I love being the world champion- and as hard as I’ve worked to get here… Having this belt just alienates me even further- you know, as if I had a fucking clue to begin with. Bombshells don’t see me as a friend, or even an ally… I’m a goddamn target and I wear that bullseye with pride, darling. I’m a walking challenge, and who the fuck would really wanna get caught up with that shitshow…”

Another pause, although neither of them dared to move. Instead the silence created more distance in a space that seemed to feel smaller by the moment.

“In that ring Mac, I’m someone else cause I learned how to be… cause I had to be, even though sometimes I hate that person more than anyone else. There was no choice, cause the girl that first walked into a professional ring wouldn’t have made it a year otherwise… When it comes to being in the ring, I don't have to make friends, I don’t have to be a conversationalist or a shoulder to cry on. I just have to be better than whoever is standing across from me…”

Relinquishing her stranglehold on the leather edges, Amber sighed softly. There was something almost distant in the way she regarded Mac, something desperately trying to reach out and connect but somehow unable to keep a hold of anything meaningful for more than a few fleeting moments at a time. Brushing her hair out of her face, Amber’s expression softened with a pensive smile- almost thoughtful.

“... outside of that ring though Mac? I’m just a girl who never really learned how to make friends.”





******




“You know, sometimes we just gotta put on our big girl pants and admit when we’re wrong.

It's a rare moment, I know, this is the point everyone gets our their dictaphones and such to take note of such an occasion- but you have a point Myra, and I have been wrong. I mean granted you had to do some serious digging and grudge holding to get there- but who the fuck am I to judge, right?

Blast From The Past was ugly. It brought out the worst in people and obviously I can tell you’ve been holding onto a little bit of resentment since- I said some shit, you said some shit. We both talked a lot and neither of us really listened until we thought we were being condescended to and subverted for the others gain- I can admit I said things that were wrong cause I was hurt, I was carrying alot of unresolved baggage and I was speaking from a place of emotion instead of logical thinking.
Here’s the thing that kinda gnaws at me a little though- in order to be so annoyed, so very irked by such things… there has to be an element of truth. In all the bullshit spewed whilst trying to keep my head above Christina’s drama, I stumbled across a very real nerve that you simply wouldn’t let me forget about.

You don’t hold onto an insult unless it hits home- although in truth it's all irrelevant now. I moved past that cause I realized that holding onto it gave Christina Rose an attachment to me that I really didn’t feel like dragging. I took everything that came with Blast From the Past and I let it slip from my shoulders- but for some reason, you can’t.
Despite the fact you got the better end of that deal, that you went on and- dare I say- got robbed in that final by someone who didn’t have the nerve to stand in the ring long enough to actually lose… and yet you still linger.
Once again though, you are right… I did try to diminish what you had done, I took all my pent up resentment and I fired all barrels in your direction in hopes that something might stick, that I might feel a little better about myself in the wake of breathing in all of that Zdunich detritus, that you might cleanse my palate from the muck and mire that I’d been swallowing.

I took your achievements and I drove them into the ground- and even though it did nothing, you still feel slighted.

Are you honestly that insecure Myra, that you have to scratch and claw for a reason to feel anything towards me and this match. Are you so deprived of literally anything to care about that you have to dig, you have to bury your hands in the muck despite not liking to get dirt under your nails- just so you might feel some kind of justification for the forced emotion you’re putting on.
Truth is, you’re impassive. You’re entirely indifferent- either you care so much about things I said back then that you’ve been waiting for a chance to come at me, which you’ve had plenty of opportunity to do… or you don’t give a fuck at all and are looking for something to mask your obvious apathy and disdain for having found yourself in this situation.

I’ll be honest, I’m more impressed that you’re trying so fucking hard to get a rise out of me with this shit than I am that you’ve held that belt for so long without your pretentiousness literally creating a black hole where you stand.
I was an asshole then, and I’m a slightly better asshole now. I’m a more clear headed asshole cause I don’t have that blue haired walking distraction tactic trying desperately for senpai to notice her, I’m not up to my eyeballs in empty threats and outdated cliches so maybe you’ll get something a little more original this time.

You’re a woman who takes great pride in her ability to remember, I find. You’re meticulous, noting anything even remotely detrimental that might be connected with your name- you scope and filter through everyone's words looking for a mention so that you might be able to complain about it between humblebragging about your achievements. Never forget anyone who might have wronged you Myra- not those minions cutting into the catering line, not that one guy who parked like a douchebag and bumped your car door trying to get out- not even the powers that be forcing you into as match that requires you to find something to get angry about.

I tend to find these things are more rooted in perspective and the way it warps to what we seek… We view ourselves through such a narrow scope, forcing ourselves to believe that we’re the only ones allowed to operate in shades of grey. Everyone else has to comply with the way we view the world, or they’re wrong.
Everyone has the right, and many flex this to an unhealthy degree, to believe that they are the good guy in their own fairytale- that all the dragons are lined up for them to slay, the riches for them to attain and the princesses hanging out of windows are just begging to be saved by them and them alone.
Few are willing to admit that maybe instead of the lead, that they may just be a supporting character- that their efforts, as well meaning and impressive as they may seem in isolation, are not in fact, actually significant in a greater narrative.

Let's be honest though, if you actually cared about the outcome of this match Myra- you’d be arguing that you’re a noble protagonist instead of some bit-player making up the numbers. You’re like Nightwing trying to pretend like you aren’t feeling a little pissed that you don’t get to be Batman, that your promise and potential doesn’t leave you in quite the position you previously imagined.
Obviously you’ll call me a liar cause that's the obvious course of action- you’ll be very offended, but that you understand and it's all just a part of my psychological need to throw myself off a tall building.

You just seem to have me all figured out, just like everyone else.

I’m just a confused girl who can’t appreciate what she has. I’m too reckless, I’m too ambitious, I’m too whatever the fuck else virtue or attribute can be contorted into a backhanded compliment. I’m too much of me and that's just a problem… I represent the best of this company, and you can’t quite get through your skull that being champion for longer doesn’t automatically make you better. The very fact that you’ve beaten me- does not make you better.

What does then- cause obviously something has to, right?

You can’t possibly be walking into this match with any other outcome than winning, you have it all planned out down to the last frame- cause you’ve done it before. Funny how that's your hang up, like I don't have the mental capacity to… I dunno, move on? Accept that I fucked up the first time, that I approached a match in the worst way and paid for it.
You paint me like an idiot rookie in all honesty, you have this tendency to talk down like it's my first day in wrestling school and I managed to mess up running the ropes cause I fell through them instead. You treat me like I’m this child that needs to be educated Myra, that I somehow don't understand what the fuck I’ve gotten myself into- like I fluked my stupid ass into being a world champion and this whole thing has just been a lazy attempt at ironic comedy that people lost interest in months ago.

I came into this company and I aimed for the top- you found your way to a comfy place and settled. Yeah, that is called complacency and it's also called accepting your position. Instead of working my way up the ladder, I literally went all or nothing to get here and now you look down upon me instead of up at me- I sidestepped your petty bullshit to get where I am, I didn’t need to ‘get my win back’ to do better Myra- it's just a happy bonus if it happens.

And it will, although I know you’re struggling with that concept right now.

I guess the thing is- you don’t like the fact that I didn’t ‘go through you’ to get where I am. I didn’t need to step through the ‘gatekeeper’ title to find my way into the main event scene- a win or loss against you did nothing to affect my trajectory, it didn’t affect my ability to win when it mattered.
I could very easily have never had that first match against you last year, and I’d still be where I am now… you though, you needed to win against me, you got catapulted because of my name Myra, not the other way around. I came in like a bull in a damn china shop and you were steadily making your way through the lower-midcard- you got elevated by doing something that everyone said you shouldn’t have and frankly you did a good job of capitalizing.

I shot for the top on day one, and I earned every step I took towards it. I chose to put my name out there and I suffered the consequences when I overstepped my boundaries- I faltered and I failed at times but I stuck to my guns instead of allowing myself to believe that second best was what I deserved.
Time after bloody time, even before I won the World title, I was representing this company at the highest levels- I stood for more than even the World Champions quarrelling about who was getting more TV time- and since I’ve won, I’ve dragged opponents up to my level who might not have been there otherwise Myra. Courtney Pierce got to prove her worth, that it wasn’t just a fluke that got her noticed, Ruby Stelle- despite being woefully outmatched- still had the best match of her career cause she found a reason to step up, Alicia Lukas proved to everyone she could still be the world champion if I wasn’t already tightening my grip on the belt… and lets be honest here, I got the fucking best match out of Christina Rose that this company has seen in years.

I elevate those around me, Myra. I take what I’m handed and I make everything better.

Let's be honest here- the only reason you ACTUALLY want the Bombshells world title is because it means something. Before, it was a hot potato dancing between hands like everyone was worried it might leave a black mark on their career, that it might be cursed cause no one could successfully defend it without becoming an absolute cunt in the process. You sat back, cosy with your little consolation prize and you waited… You waited until I gave this title meaning, I gave it reason to be respected and in time I made your title appear obsolete despite the fact you’d been breaking and setting unprecedented records.
You waited until the World Bombshells title was once again the most coveted title that women in our industry could hope to compete for- and then you made your move, you decided that now it was suddenly your aspiration and your dream to represent this company.

No, you fucking had plenty of opportunity to step up and do more. You watched this title get bastardized week after fucking week and you chose to simply stand back and let it happen-you racked up the days cause you knew that the worse the World title looked, the better the Internet title looked.
Lets face it Myra, I might be a little dumb- but I’m sure as fuck not stupid.
You’re a predator playing priestess, you preach love and strength from the rooftops like a goddamn sermon for the masses while gently raising your pedestal, looking for that next new platform to be pretentious from.

Trust me Myra- love truly can get you a lot of things in life, hell it can give you life cause I learned that one from experience… but it doesn’t break through walls, it doesn’t tear down ivory towers and cut down tall poppies. People do those things, and try as best as you can to deny it- but you’re just as much a selfish piece of shit as I am cause otherwise you’d never have accepted this match.
Love might have gotten you this far, but it doesn’t get you through me. I’m not just gonna bow out of the way cause you’ve got a personal reason to win- that's not being insensitive, that's looking out for my own interest, which you’d do in the same situation.
I’ve been through enough adversity to know what it does to your brain- colours taste different and sound always seems just a little too loud for comfort, I’ve watched those I care about fall around me like dominoes and plenty of those I care about have watched me do the same.

Fact is though- you’re walking into this be all, end all trying to win for someone else. You don’t wanna win the title to be champion, you wanna do it to prove you can, to make up for whatever guilt you might be feeling- like the black hole inside your chest might somehow be satiated by some more achievement. Just keep shoving gold in there Myra, I can promise you nothing will change...
Granted, your motives seem noble, but that doesn’t make me view this match any differently- at the end of the day, you’re coming to take something from me that I’m absolutely not prepared to give up just cause you think your purpose is more worthwhile.

Come Summer XXXtreme though- you won’t lose cause you brought your best, cause you didn't have enough love and support at your back from everyone who thinks you’re gods gift to humanity…

It's cause your best, your love, your support and everything you have to offer…

It’ll never be enough.

… cause lets face it, I should know all about that.”





******



Sun Princess Cruise
Somewhere still out at sea.
13.07.2021
02:17pm




“I must admit Ms Ryan, I never did pick you for the cruise type.”

Leaning gently against the balcony, the horizon stretching beyond sight in crystalline blue-green, Amber rolled her eyes whilst resisting the urge to simply dump her phone off the edge.

“Personally I find them rather abhorrent. Normal, everyday people becoming google-eyed miscreants indulging in cheap excesses- they think it gives them status, there’s a certain elitism that I struggle to look past. No one goes on a cruise cause they enjoy the ocean, they go on cruises cause they have mindlessly self indulgent lifestyle dreams they wish to live out without the threat of anyone they know judging them for their choices.”

Dominic Del Gado chuckled on the other side of the phone, grating on the redheads already frayed nerves.

“It’s simply the worst of Vegas put on a boat and sent to sea with all those attracted to neon buffets and poor impulse control.”

Despite the fact she knew Mac was busy, no doubt being a social butterfly or some such, she couldn't help but continually glance back over her shoulder as though she expected him to be standing in the cabin watching… judging … It was hard enough to disguise the fact she’d had to ignore three of Del Gado’s calls while Mac tried to convince her to come rock climbing.
As tempting as it may have been, she knew she’d regret it the moment she stepped onto the deck- well, that and the fact she knew that Dominic wouldn't stop calling until she picked up.

“If I’d known you had such an aversion, then I might have indulged more previously.”

A derisive laugh echoed down the line as Amber’s attempt to show contempt was thrown back at her in seconds.

“Ah, Amber… We both know you’d never do such a thing. You can barely stomach a change in routine, let alone throwing it out the window for a self-indulgent jaunt.”

Swallowing hard, she knew the gentle motion of the ship was more what left her stomach feeling a little off kilter and the faint taste of bile on the edge of her throat- although she’d have been more than happy to blame it on Dominic’s ever-present condescending sneer. A few more seasickness tablets and she’d probably be fine…

“It's one of the many things I admire about you, and why I believe that you can help me.”

“You need far more help than I can give you.”

Amber spat noisily off the balcony in hopes that maybe she might cleanse her palate, but instead found looking down only made her lightheadedness worse.

“For such a beautiful young woman, you hold onto a lot of spite. If it weren’t such a defining trait of yours, it’d almost be a shame…”

Trying to distract herself, Amber shifted her sunglasses on her face and focused on the broadening horizon- she’d never really spent much time on the water, as a child she never had access to people who owned boats and in the carnival the closest she ever got was the occasional autumnal beach trip between towns when the water was far too cold- but she knew she’d splash around in it anyway cause that's just what was expected. Reflexively she rubbed her forearm, the skin already reddened and slightly angry from what was becoming an increasingly frequent twitch.

“I trust you’ve had the opportunity to consider my offer.”

To call it an offer was generous, an implication of business more likely and even then she’d had no idea what she was supposed to be agreeing to- like selling her soul for an IOU on a coffee stained napkin from IHOP. It wasn’t as though she didn’t want to see Cassidy, to try and mend bridges that had long been ash and cinder in the back of her head- just one opportunity to make good, or at least fucking try… Fulfil a dead man's promise, maybe ease a little bit of her own guilt.

“I can’t really say I have- I’ve been teaching seniors how to do sick backflips and orchestrating toddler fight clubs. Gotta get them started early, you know?”

Sarcasm was an automatic defense mechanism- in truth she hadn't really considered much of anything outside her upcoming match with Myra Rivers. It was hard not to, in all honesty, she had far too much on the line for it to be anything less than priority one.
Amber knew she’d worked too hard to build this house of cards to simply watch it fall cause she couldn’t get her head out of the past, to allow her personal life to interrupt what was arguably the best year of her career to date.
She’d gotten better- maybe not so much as a person, but as a professional… as though after 12 years in the industry, she was finally starting to get how this shit worked. Why being champion was so… addictive. There was a thrill, a rush of seeing her name on that plate and knowing that she had earned it off ehr own back, that everything bloody and broken felt like it was worth something.
She’d been recognized as someone worth believing in- and now, part of her was starting to believe it too.

“Ah of course, I suppose the health insurance would be top notch for all those broken hips and gouged eyes. I’m surprised you weren’t out there having cocktail nights with the girls and wild, raunchy or---”

“If you’re quite done.”

“Not so fun when it isn’t you, is it? Come on now, Ms Ryan we both know you’ve done little more than ruminate on every possible way things can go wrong…”

“You know, it's a little hard to wanna agree to anything when you haven't given me any more details than that you want me to do you a favour. Generally how that works is that you actually give me some idea what the hell I’m actually supposed to do…”

“I’m aware of the nuances of agreements, I’m also aware that you generally aren't one for the cautious approach. Normally an ‘act now and ask questions later’ type of gal.”

“Well, I hate to disappoint.”

“Mmmmm, I doubt that.”

“Have you considered for even just a moment, that I might have changed?”

Flashbacks, nostalgia flooded in just behind her eyes. It all felt very deja vu, only with more than a decade life experience telling her otherwise.

“I had, but you haven’t and that's why you’re useful. See, it would have been very easy for me to just accept a monetary donation and walk away- but I have a far more pressing issue, a far greater financial hold up if you will. One that makes everything Mr Parker would seem like chump change- but things have stalled and someone needs to give a little… push.”

A push could be a kind word or it could be a boot to the chest sending someone flying off a cliff. Amber said nothing to begin with, trying to find a way to verbalize her frustrations that Del Gado wouldn't simply belittle the moment it left her mouth.

“I’m not just some fucking hired goon.”

Another laugh, one filled with merriment and ridicule alike.

“I wouldn’t dream of such a debasement of your abilities. Besides Ms Ryan, contrary to popular belief- not every argument can be won with violence. Your expectations always lead down such dark pathways, although I’d be remiss to expect anything different from you- if anything it reminds me of before when---”

“You and I have very different perspectives on that time.”

“Why must you harbour such resentments from what was such a profitable arrangement.”

“Cause it's you.”

It was more than that, she could feel her skin prickle as salt seemed to collect like a thin veneer on her skin. She’d spent her life and career making toxic decisions, desperate to just be accepted by someone for what she was and what she could do. Back then, anyone would do…
Now, her sentimentality could no longer spread so thin.

“Before I agree to anything- promise me one thing.”

Another swallow, although this did nothing to ease the knot tightening in her throat.

“... that I don’t have to hurt anyone this time.”

An uproarious laughter erupted and died in moments, the red mark on her forearm now deepening into a purple bruise.

“Such a noble and distinctly black and white perspective to have on all of this- and coming from you of all people. No, see that is the very nature of business and you, you have made a career of ruining other peoples livelihoods for the sake of your own. You take hopes and dreams and you shatter them for bragging rights and title belts- so forgive me, but you aren't exactly in any position to be debating the ethics of progress."

In a voice sounding far smaller than it did in her head, she could only hiss out a response.

“That's a whole different thing.”

Another chuckle, although this one seeped of venom and harsh absolutes.

“No, it's not… You sit there wanting to try and find a way to justify in your pretty little head that you can do something harmful for your own perceived good and still be reassured that you aren’t a bad person. Truth is Ms Ryan, whether you like it or not… Doing bad things doesn’t make you a bad person Amber, enjoying them does.”

[Myra Rivers]

July 16th, 2021

“SOLD for $2000” says the excited voice of Jazmyn Rain, my plus one for the cruise after my original plus one, my sister Adrianna, wasn’t able to make it due to her potentially fatal accident. I smiled with pride as a fan came up to me and gave me a check for $2000. I handed him my “Mainstream debut package” which consisted of a duffle bag with the in-ring gear that I wore for my first mainstream match in NSWA on January 6, 2008.

“We’re going to take a brief intermission…” Jazmyn stated as I autographed the merchandise and exchanged ‘thank yous’ with the fan. I looked around at the stuff that hadn’t been auctioned yet and I was feeling quite good about it and yet, this emptiness in my heart from Adrianna not being able to make it was still permeating through me. I sat down and sighed, feeling all the angst and worry about whether Adrianna would even wake up. I felt Jazmyn sitting next to me and when we looked at each other, she could tell I was in some pain.

“You can’t lose faith in her, Myra…” Jazmyn reminded me. “You’ve got to believe…”

“I do…” I stated. “...I just can’t help but worry. I do need to thank you though. This charity auction for Adrianna was a phenomenal idea! The turn out on this cruise is just amazing! I didn’t realize there would be so many fans that cared.”

“Don’t sell yourself short. You do have many fans on this cruise, many of them going back to the beginning. I mean, did you see how happy that guy was to have your ring gear from your first mainstream match EVER? Amazing! I’m so happy that these fans get to be part of this for a good cause. I know you’re sentimental about your accomplishments and it’s going to be weird having an empty basement back at home… but trust me…”

Jazmyn grabbed one of my hands, her typical way of reassuring me.

“This sacrifice that you’re making for Adrianna is an amazing thing that you’re doing. Putting others before yourself! That’s the Myra I grew up with, knew and loved. It must be hard to part with all of this…”

I shook my head at this point.

“It’s not. It’s easier than I thought it’d be. My sister is so much more important than my wrestling career. I’d sell my house for her if I could…”

“So that debut ring gear, the authentic copy of your PRW contract, the ringbell you knocked Maggie loopy with in Carnage and the self-produced DVD of our Seven Stages of Hell match… no hesitation at all? You’d do this all over again.”

“In a heartbeat…” I said as I felt a tug in my heart. “...especially that ringbell. I’m surprised someone would pay $2500 for that…”

Jazmyn chuckled for a bit before she continued.

“I’m about to get right to it…” she said as I saw the same briefcase that I won in NSWA from THE ladder match in Vegas get placed in center stage. “...and WOW… that next item.”

“That briefcase made my career. God, it’s difficult to part with that because that match meant and still does mean EVERYTHING to me… but Adrianna is one of three people I’d sacrifice that for…”

Jazmyn gave a reassuring smile as we both stood up. I picked up a microphone as Jazmyn took the podium. I took a pause to hear applause from the audience and kept myself together the best way I could. Quickly remembering when I scaled that ladder in NSWA and retrieved the briefcase, defying all odds and having my big breakthrough moment, brought tears of joy to my eyes. Somehow, I was strong enough to hold back and press on with the auction.

“This next item up for bid: it is very near and dear to my soul. On March 23, 3008, in Las Vegas, when EVERYONE in NSWA doubted me, hated me and criticized me, when NOBODY in the world but Jazmyn and I even gave me a chance to win that eight person ladder match against some brutal competition at the time, I defied the odds and I won that briefcase to get a shot at ANY title I wanted. And as you all know…”

A tear snuck down my face and I quickly wiped it away.

“...without that briefcase, I would’ve NEVER come close to being what I am today. That match made my career and it laid the groundwork for what was to come over the years. It taught me to ALWAYS believe no matter how stacked the odds are against you! Bidding starts at $100.”

I heard the applause as I stood aside for the bidding to begin.

“$100! Do I have $200? 200!”

“$500” I heard a fan say.

As the bidding was going on, I had my own thoughts in my head.

“The odds were stacked against me coming into SCW too…” I reflected in my head. “I came in here about to face the toughest competition of my career and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t terrified. But, I remembered that ladder match and how I overcame the odds and it really helped give me perspective of what I needed to do to succeed here. If it wasn’t for that match, I wouldn’t have come so far. I wouldn’t have beaten Amber the first time I faced her. My bond with Adrianna wouldn’t have been established so well without it…

Even though the match happened months before I met Adrianna, I still remember it as a key piece of our relationship and that was something I was flashing back to…

June 2008

It was the day of my WXWF World Championship match in Atlanta, hours before the show was to take place. Adrianna and I were backstage and we were watching that ladder match. I remember feeling happy and joyful within me seeing Adrianna react to this match. She shrieked with joy when I made a big move, she’d gasp with worry when I took a big fall, she’d get angry when one of my opponents came close to reaching the top. She was heavily invested and it made me proud.

“I know what happens but UGH… I just… I can’t stand seeing someone better than you, sis…” Adrianna said, causing me to chuckle a bit.

“Nobody gave me a chance to win…” I reminded her. “I went into it with nothing but my own belief in myself and whatever ability I had. On that kind of stage, I was more determined to win than all seven of my opponents put together and…”

“OH MY GOD!!!!” Adrianna screamed with shock and delight as she saw me shove a 20 foot ladder sending two of my opponents crashing through tables below. I chuckled, taking the interruption in stride.  We saw me setting up the ladder and slowly starting to scale it. “Sorry…”

“It’s okay…” I said with a laugh.

“Is this it? IS THIS IT?!?!?” she said as she saw me climbing up the ladder. “YES! THIS IS IT! THIS IS REALLY IT!”

Sure enough, on the television, I had unhooked the briefcase to win what was the biggest match of my career at the time. Adrianna hugged me, almost leaping into it.

“I’m so proud of you for pulling that off!” she said with a naive excitement in her voice. “Now I know you’re going to win your first world title tonight!”

“It’s… not a guarantee…”

“Are you kidding me? You beat seven people in a ladder match. How can you not beat three people in a cage? What I just saw is someone that I’m happy to have as a sister, inspiring me SOOOO MUCH!”

“I’m happy that it means so much to you…”

“Miranda, I grew up in a single-parent household, just my mom and I, because ‘Dad’ didn’t give a shit about me and I watched my mom struggle so much to make ends meet and everything. I went to the poorest schools, lived in the worst neighborhoods and college was always a pipe dream. I’ve had the odds stacked against me from day one and seeing someone of my own blood overcome those types of odds gives me so much hope and inspiration that I can do the same myself! That’s why seeing you do that means so much to me. Seeing what you can do with your back against the wall gives me SO much confidence in you! You’re going to make THAT moment matter and win your first world title tonight!”

She embraced me again, though she was taking a lot longer to let go. As such I returned that embrace with no hesitation at all.

“I appreciate that you have so much faith in me, Adrianna…” I said, feeling incredibly touched. “I’m glad I gave you something to be proud of. I PROMISE YOU, I’m going to give you something else to be proud of WHEN I win my first world title tonight. I’m not letting you down tonight and I never will…”

We stayed locked in our embrace for a good while after that, no more words being said in the moment. In my soul, I was already beginning to feel that newly formed bond with her being so strong. That bond became even stronger when I pulled through and I won my first world championship that night…

July 16th, 2021

“I’m not letting you down sis…” I thought to myself. “I’m not letting you down! I’m not letting you down! I’ve let you down enough times over the years and with this match coming up, I’m not letting you down again! I know if you knew about this auction, you’d be proud of me. One way or another, I believe in you! You’re going to survive this, baby sister! When you do, you’ll see me give you ONE MORE MOMENT to be proud of WHEN I beat Amber… WHEN I win my fifth world championship…”

“SOLD FOR $3500” I heard Jazmyn’s loud, excited voice boom through the Sun Princess’s dining hall. This, for the moment, snapped me out of reflection. A young, Hispanic woman was beaming with joy. One of the guards handed me the NSWA briefcase. I felt that sentimentality of that ladder match within me one last time before I uncapped my permanent marker that I had with me and signed it. The woman came up to me and she was thrilled.

“Oh my god! I’m so happy I finally got to meet you!”

“What you have now is something that means the world to me, I hope you know that. What’s your name?”

“Stephanie”

I smiled as I wrote down her name above my signature along with the phrase “Never Stop Believing!”

“I’ve been a fan of yours since day one…” she admitted. “I remember some of my friends laughed at me for being a fan of yours because they all thought you were a terrible wrestler and then they all got quiet when you won. What that did for me personally was inspire me to break free from the harsh life I had lived growing up. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have been so inspired to be the first in my family to attend and graduate college and really live my own dreams!”

“I’m so happy to hear that!” I said with a smile, feeling touched that I made a difference in someone’s life.

“Now? Everyone’s all ‘Amber this, Amber that’...” she said with frustration. “You’ve got everyone talking about how she’s the best Bombshell on the roster, these people that don’t even WORK for SCW predicting she’s going to win so easily, these people acting as if you’re going to be just another defense for her, all these people acting as if she’s unbeatable. Well she’s NOT! Amber is great, but she’s not the best. YOU’RE the best…”

“Stop it!” I said with a laugh. “I appreciate your support over the years. Seriously. I love that I’ve inspired you so much and it’s people like you that push me to do what I do. So, thank you for that and believe me, I’ll beat her. I’ve overcome the odds and the naysayers before and you’ve got the memorabilia that’s a reminder of that! Thank you!”

After a quick embrace and a photo op with Stephanie, the next item up for auction was brought in. It was another briefcase, but this one was even bigger and was made of silver. I stood up to introduce the next item.

“This might seem like another briefcase. But, take a look inside…”

The guard popped open the briefcase and the crowd gasped with joy and shock when they saw what was in it.

“This… is my PRW Hall of Fame collection! Inside, you’ve got my Wrestler of the Year AND Feud of the Year awards, already autographed, the exact gown that I wore during their annual awards ceremony, my Hall of Fame ring and an 8 by 10 of the moment I won my third of four world championships… which by the way, remains my most recent world title that I won with pure intentions. Adrianna and I really grew close during this time and this was when I really was at my best. The wrestler I was in 2010 with all I accomplished truly set the foundation for the wrestler I’ve become now. In a sense, 2010 Myra was a preview of what I’d become in SCW.”

I took a deep breath as I went back to my seat.

“Y’all know the drill…” Jazmyn stated. “Do we have $100?”

The bidding for the Hall of Fame collection began and I was back in reflection mode…

“Before I got to SCW, 2010 in PRW was the purest, most wholesome year of my career…” I thought to myself. “I had no selfish intentions. I fought HARD for PRW as their franchise face. But most importantly, I fought hard to make Adrianna happy. She got more involved with things and I remember fighting for her honor countless times as some of my peers in PRW attempted to insult her to piss me off, verbally abuse her and in one instance, someone even assaulted her. Every time, in that year, that I fought in her honor, I won. Considering I had accomplished so much just by being me and abiding by my own beliefs and convictions, as I have in SCW, I truly felt like the best world champion and best wrestler I could possibly be. But more importantly, I felt like one amazing sister because that year? I really lived up to my promise of never letting her down. She was so happy….”

This was the point where I truly began to reflect on how amazing things were at the time…

November 30th, 2010

“I’m here with none other than Adrianna Rivers…” one of PRW’s interviewers said on the red carpet of PRW’s annual awards show. I wasn’t in the shot, but I was observing from a distance that would allow me to hear what was being said. “Adrianna, tonight was certainly a big night for your sister… hell… it capped off what was a BIG YEAR for her. How do you feel about what she’s accomplished this year and how much does it mean to you?”

Wow…” Adrianna says with a sigh. “That’s a very broad question, Jeffrey. Myra had an amazing year: Wrestler of the Year once again, Match of the Year, Feud of the year, being inducted into the PRW Hall of Fame, and most of all, the fact that she won her third world championship. She did have her early struggles when the year started as she was having some issues finding her way. There was a time or two where I got physically hurt by someone she was at war with where she had to step up in my honor and defend me. What it means to me personally is that this year has shown me that I have an amazing sister and one hell of a role model…”

Adrianna took a pause and from a distance, I could see her start to get emotional. This was beginning to tug at my heartstrings.

“When she got her Hall of Fame induction, what I saw was not just a woman that is my own role model but also, the exact definition of what a wrestler in this business should be all about. She represents this company and this business with pride, honor and dignity and you will never find a nicer person with a bigger heart for this than Myra. You see her and you know that she’s someone that, while she isn’t perfect as none of us are, will ALWAYS stand by this business and ALWAYS respect this business. And for her to go out there and do what she does, and do it SO WELL and for her to ALWAYS stand by her beliefs no matter what, I am the luckiest person on earth to have a big sister like her.”

My heart started to come apart a bit as I watched Adrianna cry tears of joy.

“I want our sisterhood to be forever. I know it will be, no matter what. The way she’s handled adversity and accomplished so much is a testament to the fact that she is the purest role model in the sport today and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I will ALWAYS be proud of her for being the phenomenal sister she’s been to me the last two years…

Myra, if you’re watching this, I love you so much and I always will! Keep living your dreams the way you have! That’s all I’ll ever ask of you!”

I watch Adrianna walk away to compose herself. She didn’t see me, and I didn’t call out to her, but nevertheless, I felt this amazing feeling in my spirit knowing that at that time, I was on top of my game and everything that could’ve gone right, was going right.

July 16th, 2021

“...ever since I reformed and ever since I came to SCW, I’ve always wanted to make her proud. I’ve always wanted to be that phenomenal sister that she described me as. I always wanted to replicate that amazing year in PRW because that’s when I was at my TRUE, UNQUESTIONED best on ALL levels of the business. SCW and my whole journey has been the closest I’ve ever come to reaching that nirvana again…”

“SOLD FOR $11,200!” Jazmyn explained with excitement, causing me to focus on the auction again.

“Wait, WHAT?” I said aloud, in complete disbelief! Some of the crowd was stunned by this as I stood up and walked to the “Hall of Fame” collection that was up for bid. “Jaz, did you say $11,200?”

“...yeah…” Jazmyn said with amused confusion. “What? You’re not paying attention to the bidding or something? Or are you just stunned that a Hall of Fame collection that included an actual ring and actual awards would go for that much? You really do undervalue your accomplishments sometimes…”

“I would like to claim my collection now…” I heard. I looked around and I saw SCU wrestlers Cordelia and Morgan Clark. Knowing who they are and where they come from, it suddenly didn’t seem like too much of a surprise.

“Only WE would be able to afford that…” Cordelia said with a scoff.

“Why would you want this? I shattered your cousin’s knee once in an awful assault a few years ago…”

“So?” Morgan shrugs and scoffs. “You did wrestling a favor. Plus, Cordy… yeah big fan…”

“HUGE! Morgan and I were in attendance when you beat that Joker-wannabe looking idiot for your third overall world title and there’s ME, 11 years old and impressionable, being so wowed by it that I imagined myself doing this. I watched you growing up and it was through your career where I learned to become a prodigious, dominant CHAMPION that I am now! I won a title for title match, and so will you.”

“I appreciate your sentiments, thank you so much!” I said with a smile as Cordelia closed the briefcase.

“Want me to sign that?”

“Nah, I’m good. I just need you to beat Amber.”

“Not a big fan?”

“I don’t HATE her…” Cordelia states.

“Cordy just thinks that Amber Ryan is blown up WAY out of proportion…”

“Yeah, like Jackal Whacko or whatever that guy’s name was, you took the PRW world title from a decade ago at MSG and he was never the same after that. He was that hot thing going for a while, then it was over. You ended that run of dominance, you’ll end this one too. He was treated like the biggest deal in wrestling, just like she is. I’m not saying she’s bad…”

“Just overhyped…” Morgan interjects. “Anyway, we’ll be seeing you. THANK YOU!”

Cordelia and Morgan walk off the stage and the next item that is revealed is concealed by a black sheet.

“The next item up for auction is… the Amber Ryan collection….” I begin. The fans in attendance at the auction immediately laugh and then I unveil a 16 by 20 collage of my win over Amber Ryan from Into the Void last year.

“Before I get into this, this is NOT me taking a cheap shot at her. This match though, means the world to me. This match is what MADE my SCW career. This was THE win that put me on the map here. I had split my first two matches and nobody really batted an eye at me when I first walked in… and then I won this match and I made HUGE waves. To this day, this is one of the most significant, important wins of my career and one lucky fan gets to commemorate this with the actual ring gear I wore for that match, an autographed 8 by 10 I took backstage at the event, and, for a special twist, the journal entries I wrote going into that match! Let’s get started…”

“Bidding starts at $100…” Jazmyn said as I walked back to my seat. Just looking at the “Amber Ryan collection” made me remember that match…

“If I didn’t win that match… things would be different. I would’ve never faced Alicia in my next match and gotten another big win…” I thought to myself. “Kate Steele wouldn’t have pushed to defend the Internet Championship against me. I wouldn’t have become the Bombshells Internet Champion and gotten the chance to establish myself the way I have. If I had lost that match, I would’ve been just another Amber Ryan victim. I didn’t let that happen… even when most didn’t think I could win. I had to dig deep in my heart and remember the wrestler that I was when I met Adrianna and the wrestler that I was when I had that amazing 2010 in PRW. I had to find ME again, on the fly… and I did!

And it was the happiest joy on Adrianna’s face I had seen in a long time…”

June 10th, 2020

I had walked into my Miami home following my return from Into the Void. Sheer content was still pouring through my veins. I was incredibly happy that I was able to defeat Amber and it was one hell of a feeling. I set down my stuff and walked into the kitchen, taking it all in for a bit. I looked down at the counter taking in that victory, knowing that it was a big deal though not knowing the full extent of what it would actually mean.

“How did I beat her?” I said to myself. “I never for a second believed otherwise, I knew I had what it took… but how did I do it? Who was I in that ring? I felt something in there during that match that I hadn’t felt in such a long time…”

“YOU WON!” I heard from nearby and I smiled recognizing it as Adrianna’s voice. “Oh my god you WON!”

It was her vibrant jubilation that really drove home the happiness for me. She gave me the biggest hug she’d given me in a long time.

‘I KNEW you could do it! I KNEW IT!”

“As excited as I was about that win, you’re even more excited than I was.”

“So few people gave you a chance all because Amber goes into SCW with a big reputation in the business. For days, I had been getting crap at my career from my peers talking about how amazing Amber is, how you had no chance, how you were over the hill, how losing to Bobbie proved you were over the hill, blah blah blah, whatever. They thought you were washed up and had nothing left to give and I kept telling them that you did even as they laughed in my face. Well, guess who’s laughing NOW? UGH! It was so annoying hearing about Amber Ryan’s so-called greatness all damn week!”

“Hey, ultimately, when it counted, I won.”

“YES!” Adrianna exclaimed, as her happiness continued to be infections. “What I saw on Sunday night was amazing, let me tell you. It was the wrestler and the sister that I met many years ago and got to know and love. It was the purest match you had wrestled with the purest heart in more than a decade. I hadn’t seen you wrestle like that since PRW and it meant SO MUCH to me that you brought that Myra back. I don’t want to get sappy or anything, but I’ve missed her for so long and I’m so happy I got to see her in that ring again. I could tell that you were in there, just focusing on your match.”

“There were so many distractions…” I reflected. Amber came hard at me, especially verbally.

“You didn’t cave though! You didn’t let her get to you. You didn’t let the fact that she was hyped up as a big deal bother you. You didn’t let your lack of publicity in SCW compared to her bother you. You didn’t fight that match with this giant chip on your shoulder wanting to prove everyone wrong. You weren’t holding hatred in your heart over Carnage Wrestling. You won that match because you wanted to win that match. You won because you focused on being a WRESTLER and not a star. You won because it was about the honor of the business for you, not petty, personal grudges or this craving for a shallow spotlight like it was before. You did everything that Myra a decade ago would’ve done and what I saw was someone that… well…”

“What?”

“I may sound crazy by saying this… call it a hunch. What I saw was someone who brought back what she was 10 years ago and modernized the very best of her to make her better than she’s ever been.”

Adrianna’s statement caused me to raise my eyebrows a bit. Within seconds though, a light bulb went off in my head. My jaw dropped, sensing the “Eureka” moment I had been starving for, for years.

“That’s the key… focusing on me, focusing on what I can do, focusing on the honor of the business and not on all the other nonsense… I’ve finally figured it out. All these years in wrestling, and I finally get it now. All these years since PRW trying to be something that I’m not, doing the awful things that I’ve done, taking too damn long to learn how to let things go. Even a few months ago, I would’ve wrestled that match against Amber feeling like I had to validate myself because of Carnage… but I didn’t… and I wasn’t weighed down by that…”

“EXACTLY! You get it now! How many times have I told you over the years to not worry about that petty nonsense and how people perceive you and your competition? I’m SO HAPPY that you finally get it and you know… this is just the beginning. I feel it in my heart that I’m about to see you wrestle the BEST you’ve EVER wrestled at any point in your career…”

“Adrianna, let’s not be so bold! It is just ONE match…”

“But it’s THE match that’s going to change EVERYTHING for you, for the better! It’s your “EUREKA” moment! You’ve unlocked exactly what is going to make you successful in Sin City Wrestling and I am there for everything! The Myra I saw against Amber is one that’s going to win one more world championship someday. You’re in your purest form again… and nobody in that company is going to stop you…”

I was incredibly touched by Adrianna’s faith in me. But little did I, or anyone know, just how right she’d become…

July 16th, 2021

“What a ride SCW has been…” I reflected in my thoughts…

“SOLD for $4175!” Jazmyn stated as I focused my attention back on the auction. A young man immediately came up to make his payment and to accept the “Amber Ryan Collection” as I stood up to greet him.

“Congratulations…” I said, pausing…

“DeMarcus…” he told me, and I noticed he was wearing a Christina Rose t-shirt. “And let me just say FUCK AMBER RYAN! FUCK THAT BITCH! I HATE HER! CHRISTINA WAS ROBBED…”

I widened my eyes in shock at this and inside I was far from happy.

“Amber ROBBED my girl Crystal of the world championship and I hope you fuck her up and end her career. Fuck the nice girl shit! Snap back into being EVIL AS FUCK as you were in GCW and beat the shit out of her until you break her fucking neck! Yeah, my favorite moment of years is when you took that ringbell and.,.

“Stop… STOP!” I asked the fan and he suddenly went silent. “This is not the time nor the place for that. I may not like Amber’s personality to the fullest extent, but I meant what I said when I had the respect that I do for her. She may have done some things that I don’t agree with and she may be my opponent, but this is NOT the time to air out grudges, okay? This is about my sister and raising money for her medical care. Alright? It’s just too bad that you only wanted this ‘Amber Ryan collection’ to be happy over the fact that she lost a match to me. I’ve gotten to where I am in SCW by rising above this sort of thing. Now please, take the item that you won and get back to your seat.”

Demarcus was a bit stunned, but he nodded and left the stage. With that, the last item, covered by a velvet sheet. Knowing what was next, I took a deep breath.

“This next item is going to be something. I’ve won many championships in my career. Some of them, I got to keep due to company closure or some other circumstance. My first three championships I ever won in my career were the NSWA Women’s, WXWF Women’s, and WXWF World Championship. WXWF died while I had their titles and I left NSWA while I had their belt as well. NSWA never crowned a new Women’s Champion. As a result, I have kept all three ACTUAL BELTS… until now…”

I took a deep breath and unveiled the three aforementioned championships, causing the audience to gasp and murmur with joy.

“These are NOT replicas! THESE are the real deal! THIS is how much my sister means to me! I held all these championships at the same time when I was getting to know her and she was so thrilled and so amazed by the fact that I was so successful in such a pure and inspirational way. This is the most valuable set in tonight’s auction, and our last set. So, let’s make this one count for my baby sister. The fact that I am willing to sacrifice THESE for Adrianna shows you how much she means to me! If it wasn’t for Adrianna, I would’ve NEVER won these belts and I would’ve NEVER become the success that I’ve become in this business! She inspired me to be a champion and to be successful in the best way possible. So, we’re going to start the bidding not at 100, but at $1000. Let’s do this….”

“You heard her…” Jazmyn stated. “Bidding starts at $1,000. We got $1,000, how about $1200? We got $1200! How about $1400?”

I was definitely feeling a pit in my stomach. For the first time all auction, I was completely nervous. I was worried about whether the most prized possession of all of my wrestling memorabilia fell sort of what I was hoping it would sell for.

“$3000, do we have $3200?”

“4000!” a fan stated!

“5000” another exclaimed.

“7500!” I heard, causing my eyes to really widen in shock!

“WOW!!!!!” Jazmyn exclaimed! “That’s the second highest bid of the night so far! Do we have $7700?”

“8500!” Another fan shouted. Suddenly, I was feeling happy. The nervousness was gone! I was starting to feel a sense of pride and joy that my fans had cared so much about me. I had wanted to cry, but at the same time, I wanted to hold it together.

“12000” I heard aas my heart jumped out of my chest! Jazmyn herself was shellshocked.

“Highest bid of the night!” she exclaimed with excitement. “Do we have 12,200?”

“20000” I heard the voice of a woman from the back, causing the entire audience to really burst out in shock. I went completely numb in disbelief that someone would make such a bid but I was definitely elated about this.

“Umm… wooow… um… do we have 20.2?”

The whole room at that point went silent.

“20.2?” Jazmyn asked again. No response.

“20000 going once”.

Silence.

“20000 going twice”

Silence. Once nobody made a peep and all I could hear were crickets, the reality hit me. I couldn’t help but cry at this point. I didn’t know who it was that made such an amazing bid, but I certainly felt like I owed them the biggest thank you ever for helping me do right by Adrianna.

“Sold for $20000! Thank you all for coming tonight!”

There was a loud cheer from the audience over the winning bid as everyone began to file out of the room. Jazmyn came over to console me as I had just about lost it. My face was buried in one of her shoulders and I cried for a bit.

“We raised almost 45 grand tonight…” she told me, causing me to feel joy.

“Ahem…” I heard the winning bidder say. “I’d like my prize now.”

I looked at her. She was a woman that was in her early forties for sure. She had her check in her hand and without even hesitation, I went over to hug her. Weirdly, she didn’t react.

“Thank you so much…” I told the woman. “...um… name?”

“Alexandria,” the woman stated as she awkwardly returned the hug. “I’ve had my eye on you from the moment you hit the mainstream. I’ve been wanting to meet you all this time. But, now’s not the time. I need to get these amazing title belts and be on my way. Here’s your check. When you want to talk, I’ll be in the first class cabin.”

Alexandria, who had personal security, had them come up to grab the case consisting of the title belts. Without saying another word, she turned and began to leave.

“I appreciate your generosity, Alexandria. But why so much?”

“...just helping out family, that’s all…” she said as she got closer to the door.

“WHAT?” I said, confused. “Can you explain that to me?”

Alexandria said nothing as she and her security detail departed. Jazmyn and I were left alone in the empty auction room at this point. Before I even got a chance to reflect on what just happened, my phone rang. It was from Adrianna’s number and there was an indicator of a video call. I nervously answered it and the first thing I saw was Adrianna… in her hospital bed, smiling and with the brightest spirit I ever felt from her. She was still worse for wear, but she was alert and most importantly, alive…

“OH MY GOD!!!!!!!” I screamed out. “Adrianna!!!!! You’re ALIVE!”

There was no way I could hold back the tears anymore and I just about lost it.

“I’ve got a long recovery ahead…” she admitted. “But I’m going to be okay. I was told about your auction and what you were giving away. How much did you raise?”

“Almost 45 grand…” I said through some quivering. Hearing this figure brought Adrianna to tears herself.

“I love you so much…” she said, trying to control her emotions, but obviously unable to in the heart of the moment. “...how did I know you were going to come through for me? Of course you would…”

“ALWAYS…”

“You’re ready to be world champion Myra…” she assured. “I know you’ve had your fair share of ‘so close, so far’ heartbreak since you unretired from wrestling, but this time IS the time because you’re READY and you’re better than you’ve ever been! I know you’re afraid of losing it all. I know that you’re afraid of experiencing that heartbreak again. You’re going to overcome both of those fears and you’re going to win because after all these years, you’re strong enough to do so…”

“Adrianna… I just overcame an even worse fear than both of those things put together: losing YOU. Those two fears are cakewalks in comparison now…”

“Good…” she said. “...those two fears, you’ve defeated over and over again in SCW… and on Sunday, you’re going to do it one more time. I am so grateful, Miranda, for EVERYTHING you’ve ever done for me and EVERYTHING you’ve ever given me as a sister. Without you… my life… I don’t know where it’d be…”

“Sis…” I said while taking a deep breath. “...it is I that should be grateful! I don’t know where my career would be right now if I never met you. You always gave me inspiration to do my very best and I know I’ve failed you before and I can only say ‘sorry’ so many times. It’s not ME that’s going to win that world title on Sunday… it’s US! It’s OUR fight! OUR victory! It’s always been US! You will be in my heart, my soul and you’re going to be there to help me make this victory possible… for US! One way or another, I will make you more proud of me than ever!”

“I love you Myra…”

“I love you too… and I’ll see you when I get off this cruise… I WILL be world champion when I do, you can count on that!”

Adrianna didn’t have much strength left, but she had enough to blow me a kiss before the video call ended. I was holding myself together, but my heart was going all over the place. I was certainly elated that Adrianna had come out of her coma and survived. Jazmyn gave me another warm embrace. She too was crying with joy that Adrianna survived.

“She’s okay…” I tearfully said. “She’s going to be okay…”

“Now you’ve got to win it for her…” Jazmyn reminded me. “I know that the odds aren’t in your favor, all things considered but…”

“Yeah, being the underdog in a match against one of the most dominant Bombshells in the company right now, if not in all of wrestling when this whole situation with Adrianna has been happening has been a roller coaster… one that has felt overwhelming at times to be honest…”

“I know… but you’ve been through this many times over the years…” Jazmyn reminded me. “...and more often than not, when the odds are stacked against you, you DO overcome. You know exactly what you need to do…”

I nodded, getting myself together.

“Believe…” I said, with no hesitation.

“You know it…” Jazmyn said as we gave each other a hug. After this moment, we gathered ourselves for a while. I, specifically, was letting it all sink in, reflecting on every single piece of not just my SCW journey, but my wrestling journey as well…

Half an hour later…

The camera was on me as I remained in the main fall where the auction had taken place. I had gathered myself more than enough to be able to make my second on-camera address. Even though it was Amber, even though I knew she wasn’t going to mince words toward me, even though she had her reputation, and even though I had been on the roller coaster ride I had been on, there was no doubt in my mind that I was confident, ready and able to express my thoughts straight from my heart…

“Are you nervous about this Amber? It sure seemed like it when you cut your last promo. Don’t worry, I am not going to pick it apart and do the same old trite thing anyone would do. Besides, I can’t be picking you apart word for word when I STILL have that respect for you. This isn’t a debate, this is a wrestling match where the two best Bombshells in the company are going to clash. Yeah, you can be nervous all you want, Amber. That’s perfectly okay. Because the fact of the matter is, I am too. I’ve always been when it comes to matches like this. If you’re not nervous about what you do, you’re either a conceited arrogant bastard or you don’t have enough passion for what you do. Well, that’s what my trainer told me anyway. You see Amber, ever since I’ve come to Sin City Wrestling, I have overcome so many demons. I’ve overcome my demons of doubt, yes. When I first came here, I didn’t have the hype that you did nor did I have the notoriety that you did. I didn’t have a damn reason to feel confident. I had every reason to doubt and to worry that this whole journey in SCW for me was going to be this huge crash and burn. I had a worry that I was going to embarrass myself and losing to Bobbie nearly made that feel true for me. I was scared and worried that I was going to be a flop and that my career would end in a disgraceful fashion. When I faced you at Into the Void last year, I will be straight up with you. There was a part of me that was feeling like I was walking into an execution.

I was worried that you were going to want to destroy me and maybe even end my career because I knew the kind of wrestler that you are and I knew the kind of reputation that you carry. I knew from day one that you hardly had any care for your own psychological well-being, so why would you care about anyone else’s? I’d be lying if I said that your word going into that match didn’t hurt me a little bit, because they did. They hurt because much of what you said at that time was true. But you know what I’ve done my whole career, Amber? I face fears. I face demons. I overcame them. I knew that in order to defeat you that night, I had to be the best wrestler that I could be in my purest form, and I was. I knew going in that there was that possibility that our encounter last year could’ve been my last match and I was going to FIGHT to ensure that it wasn’t, and I did. Have you ever wondered how things would’ve been had you won that match instead? I do… because I know that without my win over you, I don’t have the career that I have here. Beating you was the turnaround moment for me that launched my career back into the stratosphere. I won that match because I believed in myself, even if I was one of the few that did.

I FEARED YOU Amber… but I overcame you. Yet, coming out of that match, I knew that you were going to become one of my biggest rivals here and our careers have been compared to one another as far as SCW goes. Yeah, I’ve had the more dominant winning streaks. Yeah, you have more losses than I do, but it’s YOU that has the Bombshells World Championship. YOU are the one with that edge over me. YOU are the one that everyone thinks is going to win. YOU are the one that people outside of SCW know FAR more and thus, people are inclined to predict that this is going to be just another title defense, but you and I? We know better than that. If I never beat you, I would STILL fear failure today. Alicia might rout me out of the building a few weeks later. I never get an Internet title shot against Kate. I’m probably lost in the shuffle somewhere like women such as Candy and Jessie. Failure, Amber, is the one thing that I have had to face my whole career and failure is the one thing that has destroyed me and pushed me to be at my worst more than anything else. Nervousness? Yeah, it feeds that fear. So let me ask you this, Amber. What if you DO lose? How would you take it? Knowing how you think? You’d beat yourself up. You’d drag yourself down. You wouldn’t care that you accomplished so much. Instead, you’d be so focused on the loss. You’d be focused so hard on the failure. Sure, you’ve got a history of bouncing back from failure, but you’ve got a funny way of doing so as Roxi would attest. I get it because I’ve been there too. My biggest failure was in PRW when I found out I was pregnant and I dedicated what I thought was my last match to my mother and unborn daughter. I wanted to beat my biggest rival who did nothing but torture me for years. I feared failure. I lost. It consumed me for YEARS!

I carried it with me into UWA. I was good enough to be a Women’s Champion and their second-tier champion… never enough to be world champion… and that’s my own fault because I wrestled with that fear of failure and falling short every single time I had a chance to get to that next level. That fear in that company Amber… was so great, and I held myself back SO much that any time I had a chance to be a world champion, I defeated myself before the bell even rang. It was always a career-long pattern: in PRW, in GCW, in UWA, in Carnage…

And I broke that fear by beating you. I further buried that fear of failure into the ground with the Internet Championship reign that I had aside from the one hiccup in the Blast from the Past finals. We can argue about who is the better wrestler between us all night long, but I can tell you with confidence and with all due respect that the one that is STRONGER psychologically is ME! Because I know that failure is a fear that you carry that I know longer don’t. You HAVE to have this Amber, and despite the way you tried to present it the first time you spoke your mind about me, I don’t carry that HAVE TO attitude with me. I don’t want to defeat you to have a ‘crowning achievement’. I don't want to be world champion to achieve a number. Don’t you know me better than that? It’s never been about the crowning achievement for me. Hell, why I want to be world champion extends far beyond me. Sure, it would realize a dream of mine. Sure it would be amazing for me to have one last world championship reign. Sure, it would be a hell of a story if I went in there and I won that title and I won my 20th overall title and my 5th world title at the same time, meeting both of those goals of mine. Sure, it would be a GREAT headline if I put the cherry on top to one of the most incredible wrestling comeback stories EVER. But you’re THAT shallow in your own mind, Amber, that you SOMEHOW draw the conclusion that EVERYTHING I just mentioned is what it’s all about for me? NO!

It’s NOT!

How can you sit there and SAY that when you’re so damn anti-social as you are? How can you even KNOW ME when you have never made the EFFORT to know me beyond words I say on a microphone? What you see me as, as a professional wrestler, and what I ACTUALLY AM as a professional wrestler are two completely different things. It’s almost as if there’s that ONE last little thing that you want to throw my way, isn’t it? Sure, I had my phase where I was all about the numbers and the accolades, I own that. Always have from day one. But for YOU to paint the picture that it’s the accomplishment that I give a shit about and nothing else? Coming from ANYONE ELSE Amber, I’d feel INSULTED. But coming from you? I just pity you because now I know for a fact that you only see what you WANT to see. No wonder why most of the locker room hates you! Aside from Mac, I’ve never seen you try to reach out and be friendly with people on anything other than social media. Even as the world champion, you’re STILL trapped in your own bubble where you’re not happy with ANYTHING, where you don’t even BOTHER to come out of the damn bubble and actually get to know the truth about the world and anyone living in it. It’s that bubble that holds you back from reaching your full potential in this business and the longer you stay in it, the longer you’ll stay miserable and the more you will NEVER shake that ‘not satisfied, not good enough’ feeling. I am saddened by the fact that someone with such talent is so narrow minded, especially about herself.

You know that voice in the back of your mind telling you that it’s not enough and that you haven’t reached your full potential? I’ll let you in on a secret. It’s right. It’s one hundred percent right and the BITCH is Amber… YOU are the one that did it to yourself! I’m not going to pretend that I know you from top to bottom, but I used to think like you and dwell on the self-hating negative all the time!  I had that voice in the back of my head too! That voice is INSECURITY… and it’s insecurity that gives you the need to slander and bring down everyone else and the need to feel like you KNOW someone when you really don’t. It’s not about the fame for me anymore, Amber. Don’t you get that? This isn’t about numbers. This isn’t about the glory and the fame of being a world champion.

Hell, I’ll let you in on a secret, Amber.

It’s about EVERYONE ELSE BUT ME!

When I first started doing this, it was for my mother and making her proud because before she died, I told her that my dream was to become a professional wrestler just like she was and I had to live with the fear of letting her down if I didn’t make it. I busted my ass training for this for HER! I busted my ass wanting to hit mainstream for HER! I busted my ass trying to be SUCCESSFUL in all of this for HER! If she were alive today, she’d be incredibly proud of me, I know that in my heart. This match is for HER because SHE is the reason why I even started this! I KNOW now that my biggest failure in the business, before I retired in 2013, wouldn’t have made her upset with me.

This is about my DAUGHTER! This is about being the best role model to her, win or fucking lose! This is about showing her that you can overcome anyone and anything to reach your goals and to realize your dreams! This is about being that guiding light to her that I wasn’t in my earlier career when I was being nothing but a bridge burning fuck up!  My daughter is an amazing spirit just like I am and just like my mother was. GOD, it’s like my mother’s spirit reincarnated in her and despite the fact that I LOST Blast from the Past, she was NEVER disappointed in me. When I lost to Bobbie, she was just happy that I tried. For her to be proud of me, for her to know that mommy lived her dreams and that she can do the same when she grows up,l , oh my GOD that would be the greatest feeling EVER in my career! My DAUGHTER being proud of me and realizing she can DO ANYTHING she sets her heart to and KNOWING that she feels that way about herself because of ME… THAT… Amber… is MY fucking pinnacle of my career. THAT is my grand achievement in this business.

...this is about my SISTER… Adrianna…

At this point, I took a reflective pause to try to hold things together before I continued…

“...that young woman… I became attached to her from the moment I knew she was my sister…”

The tears started to well up in my eyes, but I nevertheless continued on, even as they fell.

“I won my first world title in my career for HER because I wanted to give her something to be inspired by. SHE is the inspiration that drove me to become successful in the early part of my career. If I never met her, I wouldn’t have ever had that inspiration and I wouldn’t have become nearly half as successful as I am right now as a professional wrestler. I’m WINNING this match not for me, but for HER! This match is dedicated to HER and unlike before when I dedicated matches to people and failed to win, I am NOT putting that pressure on myself because I KNOW I can win this match. I KNOW that I have established myself as one of the BEST Bombshells on this roster. I know that no matter what happens when this is over, I am going to be in that top tier for as long as I can handle it. I’m NOT going to be one of those hot-potato in and out Bombshells as far as that world title goes. I get why you won it. I get what you want to do. I respect that because I agree with that mission but I am just as capable of carrying that as you are and that’s what I am going to do WHEN I beat you. NO pressure on me!

YOU?

It’s ALL on you because you’ve never broken the habit out of not putting pressure on yourself. I’M not the one that’s going to feel like a failure upon defeat. YOU are the one that will should it be YOU that loses. I know that Adrianna is going to be proud of me regardless of what happens. Can you say the same about anyone that you love? If you beat me, you beat me. So be it. But it wouldn’t be the end of the road for me. You wouldn’t break me. You wouldn’t shatter me. You wouldn’t be like all the other rivals I’ve faced in my past that have done so and that made me feel like the worst mother, sister and daughter of all time. You wouldn’t send me to the back of the line. You would end my 350 day Internet title reign and hand me a loss but you would only delay the inevitable. I know in my heart now, that it’s a matter of WHEN I become a world champion again and not IF. The only IF is whether or not it’ll be on Sunday. Spoiler? It’s going to be. Because unlike you, I’ve escaped the self-loathing bubble. Unlike you, I don’t need this to validate my ego. Unlike you, I’m not doing this to pad my legacy. I don’t NEED to be the Bombshell that sets the standard, but I’m going to damn sure represent the division in the best way possible. Unlike you, I’m not doing this for me. Unlike you, I know that I’ll be okay no matter what.

But you? I know how gutted you’ll be upon losing that world title. I know. I’ve felt it: that ‘so close, yet so far’ feeling that has been the one demon I’ve yet to slay in my growth and my nearly-complete journey of reaching my full potential.

This is for my FANS who’ve stood by me from the start. For my MOTHER who gave me a reason to dream, for my DAUGHTER who I am doing the same thing for, for my SISTER, my sweet, dear sister who I will cherish forever…

And I HOPE… Amber, for your sake? You grow from this one way or another.

I WANT YOU to be strong, and when it’s all over, I hope you are.

One more time? I overcome the odds to realize a dream for the greater good.

And this time? I’m not saying ‘so close, yet so far’... I’ll be saying “I did it… for everyone that I love that has inspired me every step of the way…’

With my sister’s spirit within me, I believe in myself now more than ever… and together… we WILL achieve this victory!!!

With that, I shut off the camera… and I started focusing on the challenge to come...