Dear Christina,
Have you ever had one of those weeks, you know the ones where nothing goes right and everything goes to hellfire in a handbasket? The past week has been one of those weeks…
I will admit Christina or Crystal or whoever you are this week, the thought of getting into the ring with you just doesn’t hold that kind of ‘I can’t wait’ that most of my matches hold for me. I hate to say it but there is no real desire for me when it comes to facing you or anyone else this week. I apologize for that, probably my fault anyways but I know what to expect from you and in all honesty, I know exactly what you will do in the ring.
See I have faced you before and well, I really can’t say that I am all that enthused about facing you this week. Oh sure, you are one hell of a challenge and I am sure that you are ready to talk me up or down or whatever. And no matter what I say to the contrary, you always manage to do what you do best and that is win by any means necessary. And I am okay with that.
This week has been one week that made me really sit up and take notice of where I am in life and what I am doing and questioning why I am still wrestling. I have sat listening to my head telling me to hang it up, trying to live with a lie making it harder and harder to get enthusiastic about continuing. I will be honest with you…there have been nights when I lay in the dark in tears and promise myself that would wake up and end it with one phone call or text message.
That is when my heart starts arguing with my head and I fall again. I love Sin City Wrestling…I love stepping into the ring and challenging each and every bombshell until there is nothing but the match and facing my opponent and rising to the challenge. I smile at the thought of being a bombshell in this company and know the feeling of that tiny little flutter of feeling that sparks then begins to blaze brightly as the time clicks down to that timekeeper’s bell going off to start matches.
I don’t know if you have every been in this situation Christina. I don’t know if you have ridden the peaks and valleys that I have in this career I have chosen. The highs are great, being on top of the world and thriving in a division that is the best in the world and succeeding among my peers. I have ridden that high over and over again which makes sinking in the valleys that much more painful.
Yes Christina, I have sunk so low that to be honest, I am surprised that I am still here. Wow, who would have thought that me talking about this would get so dark but there it is. That is the type of person I am, I get to places that are dark and then I have to hide it and smile.
I have been able to say that I am fine when I am not. I have been able to smile and nod and be there for others without a thought for myself. And this week I have tried my hardest to drag myself out of the dark and into the light. I have been dealing with so much that I don’t know where Sam Marlowe the wrestler stops and Sam Marlowe the person begins.
Maybe I am broken…and for that I am sorry.
Funny isn’t it. Here I am supposed to be cutting a promo to put myself over in a match against you Christina and I can’t. And I am apologizing to you for it. But I sincerely do apologize for this, you deserve an opponent that is laser focused on giving you the match you deserve and this week Christina, that isn’t me. This week my head’s arguments are too strong. I am sinking into a valley that is fairly difficult to claw my way out of. The way I am feeling, maybe the best bet is to forfeit and offer you a request for a rematch when I am in my right mindset to offer you a real challenge.
And before you get all worried about me, please don’t. I will be fine eventually and when I am I hope we can have a redo of this match and if not, I understand.
Respectfully yours…
Sam Marlowe
