Chuck E Cheese
You know the place, right? That “restaurant” (and we’re using the term loosely here!) that combined animatronic rodents with stale pizza and so many electronic games for a fun night out -- for children. For adults it is hell on earth! Did you know that this children’s pizza palace had a private room, set aside for personal reservations if you didn’t want to share your birthday joy with others -- and really, who does? And if you’re a kid who is just out with the family for a little pizza, a few games and a romp in the playground area, you don’t want to sit back and watch some other kid open presents that by all rights SHOULD be yours!
You get where I’m coming from, right?
Annnyway! This oh-so-special private room was, in fact, reserved. And it was reserved by very special people for a very special reason.
Twisted Sister: “SURPRISE!!!”
(Yeah, who didn’t see that coming!?)
The double doors that led into the kitchen swung open with a flourish and out marched Twisted Sister, wearing a hostess smock, and carrying a lopsided, double layer cake slathered messily with icings of varied colors. Obviously used candles decorated the top of the cake, none of which were lit -- yet. Balloons were everywhere, strewn about every surface and hanging from the rafters and on the surface of the walls. Party hats were set at each place setting, noise makers and streamers. And at the head of the table was none other than the guest of honor herself -- JESSIE SALCO!
Well, not really. It was actually a mannequin seated on the chair, wearing attire much like what the “Heavy Metal Angel” Jessie Salco would wear, and an image of her face, cut out from a magazine, stapled over the mannequin’s face.
Twisted Sister was then joined by Iron Maiden wearing a waitress uniform, complete with frilly apron and matching white hat. And the door swung open one final time, and out stepped Chuck E. Cheese himself in all of his glory. The trio looked to one another and then began to march in a parade formation around the tables, Twisted Sister carrying the cake in front, Iron Maiden blowing a kazoo in the middle, and Chuck E. Cheese dancing a jig in the back.
Together: “There once was a girl named Jessie!
Whose social life was nothing but messy!
So disliked was she,
That when invited to party,
Nobody came but poor Jessie!”
Twisted Sister ‘slams’ the cake down in front of “Jessie” and she and Iron Maiden join hands and jump up and down, celebrating while hopping up and down in a circle while Chuck E. Cheese applauds. The paper bearing Jessie’s likeness came loose and hung halfway off of the mannequin’s face. Twisted Sister and Iron Maiden each leaned over her shoulders from behind and looked around to examine it, then looked up at each other.
Twisted Sister: “She’s coming unglued!”
Iron Maiden: “More than normal!”
Twisted Sister spun about and snapped her fingers.
Twisted Sister: Chuck E.! The tools!
Chuck E. Cheese held a paw up to acknowledge and scurried back through the swinging doors. Twisted Sister reached around Jessie the Mannequin and peeled her face the rest of the way off. She rested an elbow on the mannequin’s shoulder with her cheek smooshed in the palm of her hand as she gazed at the picture.
Twisted Sister: “I REALLY hope this doesn’t sour you on the whole party experience Jessie, because we went through a whole lot of trouble just for you!”
Iron Maiden leaned over, cheek to cheek with her tag team partner and cohort in mayhem.
Iron Maiden: “I hope it doesn’t reflect badly on our service and we don’t get tipped!”
Twisted Sister shook her head.
Twisted Sister: “No, Jessie isn’t that sort! She doesn’t take things personally like this when it’s beyond our control.”
Iron Maiden: “You mean like when she bitched when she got signed to this fight with you?”
Twisted Sister: “Yeah…”
Twisted Sister then frowned.
Twisted Sister: “Yeah! She was all over Twitter saying bad things about me!”
Iron Maiden: “About us!”
Twisted Sister: “Yeah!”
Iron Maiden: “Yeah!”
Twisted Sister turned and slapped the mannequin in the back of the head, hard! Sending it collapsing face-first into the cake, sending icing splattering everywhere. Twisted Sister started to tear at her hair with her fingers and a maniacal look in her eyes.
Twisted Sister: “Now look what you gone and done! Chef HInes spent hours on that cake!”
Iron Maiden: “Chef Hines?”
Twisted Sister: “First name, Duncan!”
Twisted Sister sat Jessie the mannequin upright and then grabbed the picture of Jessie’s face and slapped it on the face, hoping for the icing to make it stick but they both just watched it slide s-l-o-w-l-y off and back to the table. As Chuck E. Cheese came scrambling back through the doors, Twisted Sister looked to Iron Maiden and sighed in dismay.
Twisted Sister: “She’s giving me nothing.”
Iron Maiden clucked her tongue at the mannequin, while Chuck E. Cheese slapped the picture back on its face and aimed -- a nail gun (!?) at it! Chuck E. pulled the trigger and the power behind the rain of nails was powerful enough that it ripped the head right off of the mannequin and it fell to the floor with a thud. Chuck E. put a hand/paw to his mouth as the female maniacs looked down at the fallen head with Jessie’s face nailed to it and resembling Pin Head. They then looked up into each others eyes and faces and …
Screamed in manic delight!
Chuck E. Cheese pulled his head off, revealing Anthrax (duh!) and they draped their arms around each others shoulders behind Jessie the Mannequin’s chair and they rocked from side to side, singing…
Together: “Every pity party needs a pooper!
That’s why we invited you!
Pity party pooper!”
Twisted Sister: “Jessie, you’re being a bit of a spoiled brat, I mean, really! You could give a girl a complex, acting the way you do. When all I want to do is make nice and play, and here you go and start behaving like a little brat, like you’re just oh too good to go on a play date with me! Now how do you suppose that makes me feel, Jessie? You know very well that I don't get to get out as often as I might like and play with my friends, and here when we get scheduled for a play date of our very own where they even say we can play as rough as we want, you act like it's all for your benefit. Like it means nothing for me and everything for you. Like you were the only one who stands a chance of having any fun. That is no way for us to start off our friendship, so shame on you!”
“ then again, you can't be all bad. You did, after all, have the good graces to invite my bestie, Iron Maiden, to come and play with us as well. That was very, very nice of you! And might I add, very brave as well. Not too many people like to play with us together. Usually it's one or the other because they are worried that maybe we play a little bit too rough between us, but not you! You're not worried about that at all, are you. You're even talking about adding little stipulations like maybe playing a game of Blind Man's Bluff or cops and robbers to add a little spice to the day! Fun!”
“So maybe I was being a little harsh, but I still think you could have handled things between us better. We are going to be very good friends, after all! And friends think about more than just themselves or their own pleasure. And you are trying, so if you can do it, then so can I! I am going to make our little games together as much fun for you as it will be for me!”
“Promise!”
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