The West-Ward Blogicles
Season 4, Entry #9 -- “Baggage”
I can feel it now. The mixed reactions of my being number one contender. There will be those that fully support me, love me and believe in me, but everyone else... well...
There will be those that tell me that I have already been here. Several times. Faced off against Fenris, twice and lost. Twice I was in a ring with my opponent this week, and once again, lost. They will tell me how nothing has changed. That just because I beat a man that let social media bother him to the point of distraction does not mean I am ready to carry the mantle of champion.
Others will say that I will be distracted myself since Senor Vinnie is now my uncle by marriage. That I will be too focused on making a good impression or not upsetting my aunt.
And the last are just the people who have never liked me regardless and take pleasure in my series of missteps. People that only pay attention to the things that suit their arguments without actual proof to back them up. But I digress.
It is not my responsibility to prove my doubters wrong. That was why I failed. I put this responsibility on my own shoulders and eventually I broke down with the weight of it. It's happened twice and the second time I let it drag me down the same way as the first. But this time, this third time, I am not carrying anybody's baggage. Not even my own.
Luggage is meant to be stored and only brought out on trips, not something you carry around constantly. So, I unpacked my luggage. Yeah there was some items that were broken beyond repair. That's going to happen but most of it, I found a place for. Not forgotten by any means but definitely not shoved in a pack, putting weight on my back. Everyone saw what I did out there, despite my own personal turmoil. I still went out there and did what I needed to do. I proved every word I said about Jake Raab was true and I really hope that instead of being bitter and putting it all in his luggage, he unpacks it and uses it to move forward. Just like I hope Austin is not coming into this match with his loss to Vinnie in his.
I am in no way demeaning Austin's accomplishments. My god, this is the man who took out Fenris. A man that until he faced Austin, had zero losses. I know I've already said this before but it's worth noting again. This man has also held the Heavyweight title for 154 days.
Thanks Mercedes! *Wink, wink*
That is roughly five months. Five months! That is nothing to scoff at. It deserves respect and I humbly offer that. I have no reason to come at him like I did Jake. Austin has always been completely honest. He respects me as a competitor, but I am a competitor and if he didn't feel like he had what it took to take me down again he would have no business being here. Just like despite all the praise I give, I fully believe that this is my match to win. Not because Austin isn't qualified. Or that he's distracted or emotional. Nothing to do with him losing to Vinnie either. It has less to do with him and more to do with where I am right now.
See despite all the confidence I have put on the screen in the past when going up against a champion, deep down I was afraid. Afraid of what another loss was going to do to me. How it might just be the one that breaks my back, figuratively speaking. I know I am not someone that has been trained to do this since I was young. I started three years ago. My agent at the time got this bright idea to turn my childhood love of wrestling and my martial arts background into something profitable. In his mind it was just another acting job. He wasn't concerned about what I wanted, only what wasn't going to make him money.
It was part of that baggage I unpacked not too long ago. So when my contract with his agency officially expired last month, we both agreed it was mutually beneficial to go our separate ways. The freedom to not have anyone making my decisions anymore was liberating. It was like I woke up and knew what it was like to breathe real air and see the real sunlight.
Dramatic... I know...
But you get the point right? I had this part of me that had been locked away, just... released. I am in charge now and I am making decisions that I want. And I want to win against every man I have faced and lost too. I want to cross them off this list and know for certain that I was holding myself back in every single one of those matches because of the heavy baggage I carried. And that, is why Austin should be worried.
He beat the version of myself that let things hinder his ability, and if that version was only narrowly beaten, then how is he going to fair against Ty Unleashed? A Ty West that has absolutely everything to live for now. That has been constantly slipping off that final rung of the ladder, only to have to start again at the bottom. I am not falling again. I am not being weighed down and dragged back to the bottom any longer. I am ready to keep climbing until I am the man on top. Where I should have been against Fenris. Where I should have been against Vinnie. Where I should have been against Austin. I know that this match is for essentially bragging rights only, but to me it has so much more meaning.
Austin, you know for the last little while I have been so envious of you. Not jealous. Envious. You had it all. The title. A good group of supporters and a family. I wanted all of that for myself too. I thought that some of those things just couldn't happen for me. I let my envy start turning into a deep seeded hatred, but not for you buddy, but for myself. It was then I knew it was time to stop shoving it all deep down and pretending it wasn't eating away at me. Courage is not bravery. We often get that confused. Courage is the ability to be vulnerable and to stand up even when the world is crumbling around you. I stood up Austin. I allowed myself to be vulnerable and you know what? I learned that being brave isn't about not showing everyone what's going on, it's about taking ownership of the things that could hurt you and continuing on with them. It's not about demolition, it's about incorporating them into the existing structures and buildings around them.
I have risen from the destruction and started to rebuild. I am using my rubble to build something else. Not new per say, it's still the same buildings just put back together differently. These buildings will stand taller, be stronger.
I am the building that fell in the rain but now I am the structure that will withstand any storm.
***
Ty West only had a few days at home before he had to fly to Aruba. This time however it would be without his niece. While the family was on board the Sun Princess, word had arrived from the Canadian Children's Aid Service (Americans know it as Child Protection Services) that Ty had officially been given full custody of Evan Lee Caron. It was the first step to formal adoption which, from what his lawyer had said, could take up to eighteen months to be finalized. For now though, Ty was happy just to legally be her caregiver. So of course this meant that he was responsible for making sure she was fully set up in school.
Twin Lakes Elementary was a newer school. Red brick with a blue roof. Ty put a hand gently on Evan's back to guide her towards the door but she stiffened.
"What's wrong? Are you nervous about not having friends?"
Evan smirks and rolls her eyes. "Uncle Ty, I didn't have any friends at my old school. I was the weird hyper kid who wore wigs."
Ty feels a pang of something. Sympathy maybe? He wasn't sure. Evan had felt isolated her whole life because of her differences.
"Then what's the issue?"
She looks up at him. "What if the American school system isn't as advanced as the Canadian one and not only will I be the weird hyper kid that wears wigs but also the kid who knows it all too. People definitely do not want to be friends with the brainer kid."
Ty turns her and crouches down so that they are eye to eye.
"I really don't know. You know I was homeschooled. I never went to a public school. What I know, I have learned from other people. But what I do know is that anyone that can't accept you for everything you are, doesn't deserve to be your friend at all anyway."
Evan looks at him a minute before laughing. Ty couldn't help thinking that she really was like Jan.
"Oh Uncle Ty... you really are a boy scout." She smiles. "But I know what you mean. And that's good to say but that doesn't mean the other kids care too much."
"I wish I had all the answers..."
Ty suddenly feels that same pressure from before. That maybe he wasn't good enough to be her parent. Then she puts a hand on his shoulder.
"You don't have to have the answers. You just gotta be there. And you are."
She then takes a step back and adjusts the pretty blue wig she had decided to wear today. Ty stands and they head to the office. Of course there were a lot of questions from the principal about her parents and what level she was at in her education and when her ADHD came up the good natured smile faded away.
"Is she medicated? You know that there are special schools that are better equipped for children with her..."
Ty sighs heavily, shaking his head. "Disability? We don't look at it like that. It's not a disability, it's just a difference. She just learns things differently but that doesn't mean she is in any way not as smart as other ten year olds."
He looks out the glass window of the man's office to where he could see Evan. She had put on her noise cancelling headphones and pulled out a notebook. She liked to doodle and some of them were actually quite good.
"She is on medication but even if she wasn't it in no way means she should be treated like she's got an incurable disease. Evan gets A's and B's."
The principal looks skeptical. "In Canada maybe but here in the United States..."
Ty cuts him off. "From the research I did quickly on my phone while waiting for you, it says that Canada's Elementary education is actually ranked 3rd, just under the United States, so don't try to tell me that we are superior. In fact Canada placed 3rd on the world scale for best country, compared to us at number eight. So, don't use that card on me, please. What I was trying to get at was, Evan is smart, and all she needs are the tools to help her."
The Principal doesn't know how to respond so simply nods his head in agreement.
"Good. For the next few weeks, Evan's caregiver Analise will be caring for her while I travel for work. It's all in the paperwork you had me fill out. I hope that if there are any issues you can call me directly to deal with them."
"Of course Mr. West. I'm sure Evan will fit in well here."
"I hope so, Principal Radbury. It was a pleasure to meet you."
Ty offers his hand to the man who is obviously very intimidated by him. Mr. Radbury then hands Ty a paper with all of Evan's class information and uses an intercom to call down another student to bring Evan to class.
Ty exits, sitting next to his niece.
"So, did he try to tell you I should be locked up like a crazy person?"
She doesn't stop doodling or look up at him when she speaks.
"More or less..." Ty says honestly.
Evan nods her head. "I'm not surprised. A lot of people assume I must be dumb. They way Gran explained it was that my brain just moves faster than everyone else so I don't know how to stop and work out all the little details. The pills help me work on those little details."
Ty nods. He was often blown away by the level of intelligence that Evan had. She struggled with literacy but yet was so intuitive about the world around her. It almost felt contradictory.
A young girl, Evan's age, enters the office and walks toward them.
"Are you Evan?"
The girl seemed bubbly and friendly to Ty but it could have been a clever disguise. Children were good at deceiving adults yet were monsters to each other.
Evan looks up at the blonde girl and nods
"My name is Paige Knightley. I'm in your class. I'm going to show you around today."
Evan stands, grabbing her backpack and starting to walk away.
"Hey, kid..." Ty yells,after her. Evan looks over her shoulder. "You got this..."
Evan gives him a smile. "So do you... Dad..."
She winks and walks next to the girl who has started chatting Evan's ear off. Ty fights back a tear in his eye. After he had talked to Jan on the ship, he had decided to move forward with the formal adoption, and then every once in awhile since, Evan had thrown in a 'Dad' during conversations. He had so much pride seeing her. He may not ever have biological children, but Evan was everything he ever needed.
Once she's gone, he leaves barely making it to Lora's car before he tears up.
