The artist known as Senor Vinnie: Part one
The shot opens up inside a tourbus, we can hear someone play guitar in the back of the tourbus. This causes the camera crew to move to the back of the bus, there they stop every now and then to soak in the atmosphere of the bus as well as the weird decoration of it all. First they stop and see a collection of cactuses on a small table between two lounge chairs. We see a rather expensive fishtank on the ground with solid glass on top to protect the rather expensive fishes from being trembled upon by humans. But the one object that stands out from all the weirdness that is in this area are the box filled with blue and yellow M&M’s.
“Layla…., got you on my knees Layla…..”
A voice can be heard softly fading away by the sound of the television as well as a coffee machine that we see a booth further as they walk away from the plants and the fishes. We see a rather old fashioned coffee maker where have to grind coffee beans by hand before adding hot water and let the two combine the aroma and taste of one of the oldest liquids known to mankind. We see a poster of the band Metalachi, with some writing on it as the camera zooms in on the poster so it can read what it says.
“From Metalachi, to the one man that we see as our inspiration and our hero…. Senor Vinnie”
And underneath that it reads
“But of course you do”
“Layla, darling won’t you ease my worried mind???”
We suddenly hear the fingers stop playing and a sigh can be heard, followed by some coughing and drinking.
“Hombres, even Senor Slow Hand can’t even match my greatness. I mean seriously? I just ooze machismo and make all the senorita’s and their mami’s go crazy man. I just hope I don’t get their grandmami’s throw their old knickers up on stage man. I mean seriously? Last time that happened I nearly broke my freaking pinky finger man”
The camera moves away from the coffee machine, even though the camera man was tempted to grab some of the fine hot liquid. But he remembered he had a job to do, so reluctantly decided against it. We can see some chickens run around the bus as well as some goats eating some grass that was stacked in the corner of where normally a few lounge chairs would be seated. When the camera crew finally manages to pass the children’s farm we get to the man himself. Better known as the newest signee of the Sin City Wrestling, the man who calls himself Senor Vinnie. He has the same cactus next to him on another lounge chair beside him that he wanted to give to Belinda, but refused to accept from him. The plant has a seatbelt strapped across the pot that it is planted in and next to it there’s a glass of champagne and another glass filled with peanuts. Senor Vinnie looks at it and has a sad look on his face.
Senor Vinnie: “What’s wrong Pete?? You haven’t touched your peanuts yet, you usually dive in like crazy and have that stench come out of your pointy spines all day long. Is it because of Belinda??”
He looks at the plant, nods his head as if he is actually listening to the plant talking. But of course there’s no real conversation, or at least not that we can hear off. But probably it’s inside his head as he is imagining it all.
Senor Vinnie: “Now I know that true love can be difficult to be reciprocated when that other person has never actually met you Pete. But I know deep down inside, when Belinda saw those combed spines of yours. I knew right away that there’s something magical in the air…. Or perhaps lots of vomiting.”
The plant jumps up and down in the lounge chair because of a pothole that the buss had driven over as that causes senor Vinnie to jump into a defensive stand right away, looking all worried all of the sudden.
Senor Vinnie: “it’s just a figure of speech!!”
He suddenly wipes his forehead as if to say that he has managed to convince “Pete” the cactus about his explanation that he just gave him. He grabs a glass of champagne and gulps it down his throat in one swift move. He then throws the glass over his shoulder, where someone is standing there with a garbage can and catches the glass with it. Causing it to break when it hits the bottom that is clearly filled with other broken glasses that has gone before it. Senor Vinnie let’s out a huge burp before placing his feet down upon the chair in front of him. Snapping his fingers as a rather attractive young lady brings him another empty champagne glass, only to replace the one that he just broke a few moments earlier.
Senor Vinnie: “Good catch Manuel, you have the potential of becoming a catcher of the Toros de Tijuana one day”
Manuel: “No Senor Vinnie.”
This causes the man named Senor Vinnie to become irate, not believing that someone would say no to him. He is fuming from the mouth, he is about to stand up but realizes that he at first needs to check his hair. Staring at the mirror in his bus on the right of him, giving himself a wink a few times before turning back to his “catcher”
Senor Vinnie: “What do you mean NO Manuel??”
Manuel: “I prefer ballet Senor Vinnie, it’s so gracious and so….”
With that Senor Vinnie has heard enough, slapping the taste out of the mouth of the youngster. Who grabs his face and stares at the man who pays him to catch champagne glasses before running off in tears. Senor Vinnie rolls his eyes before dropping himself back into the lounge chair next to his cactus “Pete”
Senor Vinnie: “I know Pete, it’s so difficult o find good help these days. Everyone wants to have their own opinion these days, everyone wishes to find their own individuality as if it means something.”
He huffs while blowing his hair upwards that is falling almost over his eyes, mocking for a few moments before suddenly having a huge grin upon his face, as if he had come up with an idea.
Senor Vinnie: “You are absolutely right! The one thing that would get my frown upside down is by singing a song!! And what better song to sing than this one”
He grabs his guitar once more and takes his time to place his fingers on the right snares, he moves his head in the rhythm of the song that he wants to play and sing without actually doing something. Until finally letting his fingers do the “Magic”, something to the outside world sounds like someone is scratching his finger nails across a black board.
Senor Vinnie: “HELLO!!!
He slaps the side of his guitar a few moments as he continues his head movement from left to right.
Senor Vinnie: “Yeah, uh-huh. Oh, yeah. Uh, uh,,,, ohhh yeah boy!!!!”
He has grabbed a fake gold chain and had wrapped it around his neck before grabbing some sunglasses that looks like they five bucks on the market.
Senor Vinnie: (singing out of key) Summer…. Summerrr Summer ti-immmeeee!!!”
He suddenly stops playing and stares at the cactus and realizes that this isn’t it.
Senor Vinnie: “I know, I should do a song acapella”
He coughs a few times, does a do re mi and then takes a sip from his glass of wine and savours the taste for a few moments before starting to sing.
Senor Vinnie: “Hello, it's me
I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet
To go over everything
They say that time's supposed to heal ya
But I ain't done much healing”
He turns around and looks at the cactus after singing the first verse of the million dollar selling song Hello from Adelle and shrugs.
Senor Vinnie: “Yeah I know, such an overrated song that it just makes my ears bleed. I mean seriously, who made her the spokesperson of everybody can have their fifteen minutes of fame?? Do you see her perform these days?? No, of course not. she is out home, nursing whatever excuse there is of a baby or whatever it is called down in Jolly England!!”
He “listens” to the cactus and nods his head in approval once more.
Senor Vinnie: “Yeah, you are absolutely right. I should have put the emphasis more on the first R in the way the pronounce their babies. It’s like I am stuck in Limbo and I can’t get out!! Manuel!!! Get me some tissues!! Something is bothering me in my eye!!!”
He looks around and just notices by now that Manuel is still gone, lifting his hands in the air in disparity before turning his attention back to the cactus.
Senor Vinnie: “Didn’t I tell the agency that I wanted someone that was soft and easily to be hurt emotionally?? But also that in five seconds they need to remember how much I pay them and get over their sensitivity?? This is like…., I don’t know… This many of a soft little b****h that I send packing to never come back again???”
Silence
Senor Vinnie: “Yeah you are right, maybe I should just try and hire some of the lesser talents that this supposedly big time federation has. Like…. You know…, uhm…, has there still not being any vampire sightings lately???
He looks at the cactus with a puzzled look on his face
Senor Vinnie: “What do you mean I have been watching too many Twilight movies??”
Suddenly he realizes what the cactus is saying and starts to throw a fit in the bus.
Senor Vinnie: “NOO!!!! I am not watching any Sparkle Boy Vampire movies that little girls like!! I was talking about that Don guy!!”
Silence
Senor Vinnie: “Denzel???”
Silence
Senor Vinnie: “Oh that Dmitri fuckup, right. I made a mistake, I mean who gives their kids a name that starts with a D anyways?? That’s so 1990, in today’s age we all call ourselves Vinnie or in lesser extend Pete. But that’s not what I am trying to say, I mean after disposing him after his pathetic match he has not been seen since!! I guess you can call me a modern day vampire slayer, but of course with better looks and so much better singing voice.”
Silence.
Senor Vinnie: “Who is Bryan Adams??”
He doesn’t wait for an answer from his cactus as he slowly rises to his feet, barely able to maintain his balance because of the champagne and the bus hitting another pothole. He finally after a few attempts reaches the mirror he was aiming for, there he checks his hair until he is being distracted by a phone call.
Senor Vinnie: “Could someone please answer that phone?
”
After a few times of hearing it ring he sighs and remembers that Manuel had ran off, he wonders where he could be as the buss never stopped driving the whole time but shrugs his shoulders. He then starts to search for the phone, not knowing where it has been placed this whole time because of having people that would do things for him instead. He finally manages to get the phone and picks it up.
Senor Vinnie: “Senor Vinnie’s tour bus, Senor Vinnie speaking”
He listens to the voice on the other side of the line and rolls his eyes.
Senor Vinnie: “Normally I would have someone answer it for me, but I decided to attempt to see how you normal unknown humans live and answer it for a change. I do must say that I am getting a rather tired wrist by holding this phone so close to my ear, is this a rather natural pose to have your phone in your hand like this??? “
He extends his arm as if to show the other person on the other side of the line how he is holding his phone,k but quickly realizes that this isn’t a video call and decides to take the “risk” and puts the phone back against his ear.
Senor Vinnie: “If I get an tennis elbow from this, I will sue you for every penny that you are worth. But hearing your southern accent, I doubt that will be a lot”
The person on the other side of the phone decides to ignore that comment and starts to talk to him about something.
Senor Vinnie:”What do you mean I am booked?? I mean, of course I am booked. But uhm, for what am I booked?? Because I need to know as I have a very busy work schedule this week. I….”
While talking on the phone he is looking for his calendar, there we see that his entire month of October there’s nothing booked.
Senor Vinnie: “Yup, just as I suspected, it’s the only day of the week that I am not booked. You sir are a very lucky man, so where do you want me to perform my greatest hits??”
There’s a moment of silence upon Senor Vinnie’s part as he realizes that it isn’t for a musical performance, but for a wrestling match.
Senor Vinnie: “Soooo, I guess that Mr. Underwood and Mr. Hotspot took me very seriously when I told them that I could perform at any given moment of the week. I obviously meant that….”
He gets interrupted by some more info from the other person on the other side of the line.
Senor Vinnie: “A gold rush tournament?? I do hope it isn’t like that cheap knock of gold watches to be won at the end of this “tournament??”
Again another explanation that causes Senor Vinnie to suddenly get a grin upon his face.
Senor Vinnie: “Well obviously I knew that it was a tournament to decide who will become the next number one contender for the SCW world title. Currently held by that rather odd chap that is rather mean to me on Social Media. Telling me to shove a cactus up in my….”
He is being cut off, obviously for the reasoning of the youthful viewers that sign up daily to watch their favorite superstars do their promo work or wrestle on house shows all around the country. And of course now you also get the opportunity to watch what Senor Vinnie does on a daily basis, who doesn’t want to miss out on that???
Senor Vinnie: “Well it’s at least an opportunity to become number one contender for their world title, something that is deservingly for the career and the ability of the Mariachi if wrestling wouldn’t you agree Pete???”
The cactus is of course silent, but Senor Vinnie is laughing out loud after the comment being made by Pete.
Senor Vinnie: “So true!! I wasn’t aware that I had to face someone, but I am sure that it is a nobody. So who is it??”
The person on the other end of the line gives the name of Joshua Acquin as to be the man that is his opponent for the coming Climax Control. Something that is clearly not facing the Mariachi of Wrestling.
Senor Vinnie: “No seriously, who am I facing??”
Again the name is being mentioned on the other end of the phone as Senor Vinnie realizes that there is someone that is called Joshua Acquin.
Senor Vinnie: “Ah I see, I thought you said Harley Quinn. Now I know that there are many comic book wannabe’s, but who in the right mind wants to be a personification of a DC chick?? Seriously, I would be laughing so hard, that my cojones would itch for a week. But to hear that I have to face a guy named like that??? To be in one of the opening matches instead of facing the champ right away?? I mean seriously? How much more could they possibly underestimate the biggest signing of the ages??”
He turns his attention towards the cactus and rolls his eyes and sighs before returning to the phone.
Senor Vinnie: “And not to forget his cactus Pete.”
He nods his head some more before hanging up again and has a huge smile on his face when he turns around towards cactus Pete.
Senor Vinnie: “It’s like I am swimming in an ocean with just tiny fishes and being the only shark around!! It will be just another exceptional night where Senor Vinnie will put Sin City Wrestling on notice, because it will be the night where Joshua will understand that I don’t give any cojones about his amazing career in SCW. Because it will end on the night that he will come face to face with the man that will drown him in disappointment…. “
Joshua Acquin vs. Senor Vinnie equals….. singing the blues for poor little nightmare
Senor Vinnie: “It’s time to play the game of truth or dare….”
The shot opens up with Senor Vinnie sitting in a rather expensive sofa, behind him there’s a wall where there are many guitars standing against the wall and golden and multi-platinum records hanging against the wall. He is drinking from a glass of martini while staring at the camera.
Senor Vinnie: “Buenos Dias amigo’s, welcome to my relaxation room. Here I sit down after a long day of work and enjoy a moment of knowing that I have made it. And as you can tell by the many instruments or award winning records that I am not a one hit wonder, something that people would give their own mother in law to be relevant… Even if it is for a few seconds, but these people are easily satisfied with merely a lousy youtube review of : “Where have they been??” By some idiotic vlogger that cannot even pronounce his own name correctly, let alone knowing who the true artists of the entertainment industry are… it’s like being f***ed by Napster all over again”
Senor Vinnie closes his eyes and takes a sip from his Martini, savoring the taste for a few moments before he continues his talk.
Senor Vinnie: “Now I realize that most of you weaker minds can’t remember that back in the good old days that Napster was an illegal streaming device that you could download everything for free, including the worst of viruses that were known to man. Well, you get what you pay for isn’t it??? Well things has changed and everyone has gotten their foot in the door and got paid, well isn’t that nice? The only problem of it all is that we had to deal with lots of bullshit that was so pathetic and bad, that it turned our stomachs upside down… and I am not talking the greatest hits CD of Michael Bolton, even though you will realize what I am talking about when the gringo opens his mouth and starts to massacre your hearing aids that are your ears stupido’s”
“And the same can be said about the wrestling industry, the entertainment capitol of those who like men do incredible things, the things that you shouldn’t do at home and put themselves at risk for your lousy money that you pay every single time that you want to see us. Show us some fucking gratitude you perro’s!!!”
He closes his fist for a few moments before shaking his head in disbelief, realizing that it has no use because nobody will give him any response whatsoever.
Senor Vinnie: “Men and/or women that have so gracefully paved the way for us newcomers to try to take over and make them feel obsolete. Making them relevant to a certain degree, you know having discount at the local walking buffet table. Not remembering that these things are actually free, but hey. You have to make those legends felt special no?? And that’s their God given right to feel special, but people like Acquin?? Someone that I do not know personally, nor do I ever wish to. A man that as I have been told a few times by senior Underwood as someone that likes to talk a big game, but does not deliver in the promises that he makes. Something that would ruin an investment that Senor Underwood is trying to build in this federation. And after reading some of your past promo’s, I just wonder about one thing Senor Joshua??”
“See how I do not show you the respect by calling you by your last name?? A last name is something that speaks out respect, speaks out trust in someone else when you promise something that you deliver. I mean how long has it been that you mounted to any success little perro??”
Senor Vinnie yawns for a few moments, looks at his rolex and counts the seconds before another minute has passed and then drops his head backwards as it leans over the sofa and pretends to snoar before looking up again and is completely annoyed.
Senor Vinnie: “Does it take you this long to give me a freaking answer?? Or is your brain working on half of the capabilities that your wrestling ability has?? If that’s the case, then I should just ask the bosses to have your doctor write down an excuse note for you not showing up at the first place hombre. Because by the looks of it, I am just better off talking to a stiff. At least they give amusing lectures when your head is up there”
He points in the air
Senor Vinnie: “Or when your head is shoved six feet under the ground”
He stomps his rather expensive boots on the marbled ground to give his words extra meaning.
Senor Vinnie: “Now I understand that for someone that has been in this organization for how many centuries of being overlooked, that it can be an act of arrogance of a newbie to try to steal your heat. You may even call me Loco for trying to convince you otherwise, but hey. Then tell me, tell me of all the supposedly superstars that this ratings failing organization claims to possess, then why does a debuting superstar fight a multi-talented hombre like you?? Because they knew that if you faced Senor West, you would not show up. Not bother to check through customs from one city of this lousy state to the other. You will find excuses everywhere, because let’s face it. What I have seen of you, what isn’t much to be honest. Is rather.., how would I put it in a term you would understand Joshua??”
He taps his chin for a few moments, where he starts to think about a word that would suit his opponent for his debut match perfectly.
Senor Vinnie: “Oh that’s right, in every aspect of the entertainment world you need someone to excite the crowd for the real star to give them the orgasmic fantasy that they never dared to hope for. Like in music, you would be the opening act for like a few hundred drunks, who do not knowt he difference between Of Mice and Men and Black Sabbath. Or perhaps you would be the movie editor, that makes the one minute trailers to excite you for the star to wow the crowd when they go and see the movie. And I’m not even going to explain to you why you are the fluffer of this federation, because if you do not know what that is… then it’s not much of a surprise hwy you are not important… like how I will be in the future…”
“You see Senor Joshua, you live your life in Limbo my friend, you are like stuck in a web and are wondering why the spider hasn’t eaten you yet. You are that one time risk that some people think they can wager upon you, realizing that if the risk succeeds that you could go far. But you know where I’m going to no?? Oh sure you are, you in your supposedly wisdom are already fuming at the chops of all the demeaning comparisons and things that I am saying. That you have sat up in your baby chair that has been custom made just for you, blast your little tiny fists upon the little table in front of you that they can place your little plate or bowl of food in front of you. Screaming for attention before someone shoes a spoon of disgusting yoghurt down your throat while reading the financial section of the new York times.”
“All I am saying is that you are not worth my time to spend my debut upon, but I will gracefully allow you to stand behind me as I boast in the spotlight. Perhaps you have an talent for giving me a shoulder massage after the match is over, just please put on a paper back on your head so that I will not recognize you. I am kind of annoyed when a loser touches me, that’s why I have a no touch clause in my contract for the fans you know. But that is not to your concern, your concern is trying to prevent me from doing the impossible thing that cannot be stopped!! Beat you in my debut match, I wish you luck perro. Because that’s like many others would say, you will need it”
He slowly gets up from his sofa, but realizes there’s something he had forgotten and sits back down once more.
Senor Vinnie: “I also like to point out Senor Joshua, that assuming on Social network that I love cactuses is an assumption that you have falsely made. Granted, I do have a rather special understanding with the plants, because they are the Gift to the people. Something that clearly in an age where electronic devices are taking over your capacity to learn and make you addictive to things as worthless as that little bird of social connections. That you do not know that this thing will bring us together, like it has already done so for Senor West and I…, like the playing hard to get routine of Belinda will ultimately bring us so much closer. All the priceless moments that credit card commercials try to convince you off as long as you order one, you know being successful. Oh wait, that’s an area that is still a mystery right?? No?? Que?? Oh whatever”
“Look, I’ve already degraded you to the levels of non-existence, but at least look at it this way. After our match is over, you have made me happy after suffering another defeat. I mean one more won’t harm your career any more than it already has no?? You have given your boss, Senor Underwood another reason to smile afterwards. Aaaaaaaaaand, you will wake up the next morning knowing, knowing that you have been in the ring with the Mariachi of Wrestling… the very best that you have ever seen. And who knows, I may give you a plastic version of the gift of the people. Some training version to see whether you are mature enough to take that responsibility and enter the army of the people…. But then again, Pete already told me he wouldn’t bet any money on it. So until Climax Control my friend, just try not to blow your load too soon… or else you may even fail at fluffing your entire career up to one rather small, disappointing… bang…”
With that he winks at the camera before walking from his sofa and the shot slowly dies off.
