Sunday December 18th
After Climax Control
Walking Down The Vegas Strip
I’m well aware of the awkward looks that Jordan and I are receiving as we walk down the Vegas strip, hand in hand. Jordan is in a considerably better mood than she has been recently, and it’s probably due to the fact that we’re just spending some one on one time together. There’s a slight unseasonable chill in the air, so we’re both wearing jackets, but I’m fairly sure we’ll need to head inside somewhere shortly. Jordan grips my hand, however, enjoying the sights of Las Vegas, and looking happier than I’ve ever seen her.
Lex Las Vegas is pretty amazing isn’t it? Some people think it’s overrated and all, but I have to disagree with people who say that.
Her huge smile never fades as she turns and looks at me before looking around again.
Jordan: It’s really not overrated at all. And I couldn’t ask for a better tour guide to take me around the city.
I can’t help but smile and before I know it, she’s pulling me in close to her, wrapping her arms around me. It’s enough to warm us both up just for a few moments.
Lex Well I don’t know about that. I mean, I’ve lived here for a few years, true, but up until recently I’ve never really had much desire to get around the city. I’m discovering a lot more though. Tim and I both are.
She tries to hold herself from frowning, but she can’t. Maybe I made a mistake in mentioning Tim but she knows Tim and I are engaged, so why should I bother? She knows I love him, but she also knows I care a lot about her, too. This is all new to me as much as it is to her, but I can tell she doesn’t like it.
Jordan: Do you really have to bring him into every conversation? I wanted tonight to be just you and me. Leave Timmy boy out of this and just…enjoy being with me!
She backs away from me, but I take her hands in mine and hold her at arm’s length, trying to get her to look at me.
Lex Did I say I wasn’t enjoying being with you right now? I was just thinking to myself how great it is to see you smiling and so happy like this, compared to how you’ve been recently. You need to be like this more often. Trust me when I say being angry and bitter all the time doesn’t help anything.
She shakes her head and sighs as she turns her head and looks into my eyes again. People are walking around us, glancing at us as they walk past, but we ignore them all.
Jordan: Can you really blame me, Lex? I poured my heart out to you, told you that I’m in love with you, and I feel like I’m being played with. I can tell you have feelings for me. I can tell you want me every time we’re around each other, but you still won’t leave him. I don’t get it.
I want to explain it to her as best as I can, because there is an explanation to it. Not one that many people agree with or even fully understand, but it’s an explanation nonetheless. But the longer we stay outside in the cold, the more distracted I get with that and Jordan can feel my hands getting colder in hers.
Lex I’m going to explain it to you, I swear, but could we possibly go somewhere warmer? I’m starting to freeze right now and I also don’t feel like talking about this with complete strangers walking past us.
She pulls me in for a quick hug but my hands are still cold.
Jordan: Yeah, come on. We can go back to my hotel room and talk.
Lex Ok good. I can’t believe you’re not freezing in that outfit, by the way. Looks great, but damn...
She lets out a laugh and we start walking briskly down the strip heading towards her hotel. Once we make it to her hotel, hotel staff and guests can’t stop themselves from staring at us and our outfits. I’m starting to think that we may give off the impression that we’re prostitutes, but I don’t care. We both laugh as she leads me up to her room. It’s much warmer when she opens her door, letting me walk inside first. It doesn’t take long for me to warm up and when I turn around to start explaining things to her, she’s right in front of me. She grips my face in her hands and brings her lips crashing against mine. Her tongue slips into my mouth as she leads me over to the bed, making it very clear what she wants right now. I want it to, I can’t deny it, but everything needs to be out in the open first.
Lex Jordan, hang on. Slow down a bit.
I manage to get my mouth away from hers just enough to speak, and she pushes me down onto the edge of the bed. She looks down at me, a seductive look in her eyes, but she’s not messing around.
Jordan: Why should I? You want it as much as I do.
She kisses me again, and as difficult as it is to push her away, I have to. At least for the moment.
Lex You’re right. I do want you, but I need to explain everything first. I need all my cards on the table so there’s nothing left unsaid. Can you just hear me out, please?
She stares down at me for a moment and I can tell she’s sorely tempted to just ignore what I’m asking and go for gold, but she doesn’t. She takes a step back and stares at me, waiting for me to speak.
Lex You know I care about you, right? I’m not lying to you. I’m not hiding anything from you.
She nods and smiles for a brief moment, but doesn’t speak a word, giving me the floor to speak my mind.
Lex Okay, good. And you also know that I love Tim. I’m in love with Tim, and I have been for a couple of years now. Now before you say anything, just let me finish.
She almost doesn’t let me. I can sense her growing frustration and need to back away from me, but I take her hands in mine again, holding her there.
Lex It’s called polyamory, Jordan. I was aware of it before and knew it was a thing, but I didn’t really understand it. Not until I met you, anyway. Tim knows I’m attracted to women, and he understands. We’re honest with each other, and that’s how I want things to be with you, too.
Jordan laughs for a second, but as she studies my face, her amusement fades and she raises an eyebrow.
Jordan: Wait, you’re serious? You honestly expect me to be okay with this?
I nod and she tries to pull her hands away, but I squeeze them and keep my grasp on her. I can’t let her walk away.
Lex I know it’s a lot to ask, but it’s not as complicated as it seems. I haven’t lied to you about my feelings for you, and I’m not going to start now. I want you in my life, Jordan. And this is the solution. This is possible.
Jordan: But you’re still planning on marrying Tim...
I nod again, and as hard as I try to keep her hands in mine, she’s able to pull free, back away and turn her back on me. I give her the space she needs to think about this and process all of this information, and I quietly hope she understands. When she finally turns around, her eyes are furrowed as she glares at me.
Jordan: No. I’m not okay with it. I'm not going to be some token in your sick fantasy game, Alexis!
Lex It's not some game, Jordan. I do care about you, more than you know.
She shakes her head, and laughs in frustration.
Jordan: Oh, it is a game. A game where you get to continue fucking your tatted up boyfriend and use me to satisfy what his dick can't.
Okay, did she really just say that? I can make this work for all of us. I know I can. It’s just proving more difficult to get Jordan to understand. Or maybe she does, but just doesn’t want to admit it.
Lex First off, he's my fiancee now, as I’ve told you. Second, don't try and act like you know a thing about my relationship with Tim when you don't. Trust me when I say that he satisfies me just fine.
She rolls her eyes in disgust and I finally stand up from the bed, keeping the small distance between us. I don’t want to make her angrier than she already is.
Jordan: If he did, why were you so drawn to me just now? Why are you STILL drawn to me? If you were fully satisfied, you wouldn’t be so ready to jump into bed with me.
Lex This isn’t just about sex, Jordan. I've never denied being drawn to you. That's my fucking point. You can still have me, but you have to understand that Tim is a part of my life. A person can love more than one person, Jordan. I didn't realize that until recently…
Whoa. Okay, yeah, I just said that. It took me a while to even say the words to Tim, but I guess I have learned a lot from my experience with that, so I blurt it all out. It’s okay, though. I don’t regret it. I don’t try to backtrack as I keep my gaze locked on her, hoping this situation improves.
Jordan: Bullshit, Alexis. Don't try and spin this poly shit on me anymore. You either love me, or you don't.
Lex Jordan, please stop this, ok. I'm trying to give you what you want here. What we BOTH want. Just try to--
I take a step towards her, reaching for her hands, but she pulls away again. I’m tempted to just give up and walk out the door, but I can’t do that.
Jordan: No, Alexis! I want YOU! ALL of you! You can leave that wrestling bullshit. Leave Tim. I'm not some sick fuck that will share you with your fucked up boyfriend...fiancee...whatever the fuck he is to you. That's not who I am, and you know, that's not who you are either. It's who Tim says you are.
Lex No, it's not. You're not inside my head, Jordan. You haven't been. It took me a while to try and wrap my head around it all, but I'm telling you. I don't want to lose you, but I can't lose Tim either. And I’m sure as hell not leaving my career when it’s actually something I’m good at and I’ve still got stuff left I want to accomplish.
Jordan: Yet that decision is exactly why you'd lose me.
Hearing her say those words hurts. It’s like a knife in my chest, but if she’s dead set on leaving me, I can’t stop her.
Lex Then that's your choice. Just as it would be Tim's choice to leave if he wanted. But he's not. He understands how I'm feeling.
Jordan: Because he just wants your permission to go off and fuck some other guy, claiming he loves them or some shit! You know how fucked that sounds? He's using you for his own sick--
She’s really starting to irritate me now. If she would just take the time to get to know Tim, she’d understand. But she won’t. And it’s getting harder and harder for me to keep my cool as I have to defend him to her.
Lex No he's not, Jordan! I know it's complicated, but if you could just have an open mind here.
Jordan: No, Alexis. I won't. I can't. I could be one hundred percent true to you. I wouldn't go off and fuck some other guy or woman and grant you permission to do the same just to try and make me look better, and if you want to stay with some piece of shit like that? That's on you, but just know you're making a huge fucking mistake.
I take another stop towards her, closing the gap between us. She doesn’t back away, thankfully, so I continue to plead my case, but I’m firm in my response to what she’s saying about Tim.
Lex Jordan, I care about you...I LOVE you...but watch what the fuck you say about Tim. You can hate me and trash me all you want, but Tim has done nothing to you.
Jordan: Or what? What are you gonna do? Jesus, Lex. This guy has your mind twisted so much, you can't even see it! And you're trying to do the same shit to me!
I shake my head in frustration, and I’m starting to run out of things to say to her. I’ve said about as much as I can say, and I feel like I’m repeating myself now. It’s not like I’m asking her for a threesome with Tim or something.
Lex I'm not trying to do anything, Jordan. I promise you that. You didn't even know me before we met in rehab. You can't say he's twisted my mind, because he hasn't, okay? None of this would be happening right now if I hadn't met you in the first place. I love Tim. He's done so much for me over the last few years, and I'm not going to give him up.
Jordan: He's going to betray you, Alexis. And you're too stupid to realize it. I know guys like him...they're the reason I became a lesbian in the first place. You can't trust him.
I smile and let out a half laugh, frustrated with her lack of faith in not only Tim, but me and my judgement as well.
Lex Yes I can, Jordan. And you can trust me, alright? You want me? You can have me. But I'm going to marry Tim whether you like it or not.
Jordan: And then what? How does all of this work exactly, Alexis? Do we make a schedule of when you'll be fucking him and then coming back to me, or do I just have to guess?
Lex I don't know, Jordan. I'm still figuring it out, but you have to respect my relationship with Tim and trust that I'll still make time to be with you, too.
She shakes her head and lets out a sigh, still not ready to give in. I walk up to her and take her hands and she stares into my eyes.
Jordan: And what if...
She stops mid thought, and shakes her head. Whatever she was going to ask me must be difficult because she looks away, and fights back tears.
Lex What if what? You can ask me anything. I’ll be completely honest with you.
She takes in a deep breath, trying to find the right words. She still can’t look into my eyes. Not until I place a finger on her chin and turn her face so she’s looking at me. I encourage her to speak just with a simple look in my eyes. She takes in another deep breath before she finally finishes her thought.
Jordan: What if...one day *I* wanted to marry you? You’re just willing to give up on that possibility so you can marry him?
Wow. That leaves me speechless for a few moments. I know she has a point, but I don’t even know where to begin to answer that one. Well, I do. But she’s not going to like it.
Lex Look, don’t make this any more complicated than it already is. I love you, but Tim is the one that I want to marry. I can’t explain it, but it doesn’t mean I love you any less. We can make this work if you just...try. I’m not asking you to love him or to join us in the bedroom...
She shakes her head in disgust.
Jordan: Good because that sure as shit wouldn’t happen. Dick isn’t my thing...
I can’t help but laugh, but she doesn’t. She still has a serious look on her face as I pull her back towards the bed. I sit down on the edge, and pat the spot next to me, and she joins me, turning her attention back to me.
Lex I’m just asking you not to leave. And not to make me choose. I’m sorry if this puts you in an awkward position, but it’s where I stand...or sit in this case. It’s your choice if you want me to leave, but I’m here right now because I want to be. And I know you want me to be, too.
Jordan: This isn’t easy, Lex. Not a single bit of it.
Lex So don’t think about any of it right now.
I stand up and step directly in front of her, gripping her face in my hands in the same way she had done to me earlier. I lean down and bring my lips to hers, kissing her passionately, knowing she won’t be able to fight it. I just want to distract her, if only for a little while. I pull away for a moment as I let my hands slide down her waist and to the edge of her shirt.
Lex Just focus on being here with me right now and let the rest fall into place as it should.
She stares up at me for a moment and I can feel the tension dissipating, and the heat and passion rising. I’ve never been with another woman before, but this is what I want in this moment and time.
Jordan: I love you Lex. Despite everything...I can’t help but love you.
I smile down at her and she pulls me down on top of her as she falls back onto the bed. I lean down and start kissing her again as we both start to undress one another. And the rest...Well, let’s just leave that up to the imagination.
The Next Morning…
I hadn’t planned on staying in Jordan’s hotel room all night, but Jordan had begged me to stay until she fell asleep. I agreed and it wasn’t long until I drifted off to sleep myself. I woke up just a little while ago with Jordan still sleeping soundly next to me and I quietly disappeared into the bathroom to get dressed. I brush out my hair while I’m in there, and when I walk back out a few minutes later, Jordan is awake. The sheet is the only thing covering her body and she’s smiling at me.
Jordan: Why’d you go and get dressed? You don’t need to rush off so soon…
I smile back at her as I walk over to the bed. She props herself up on her elbow, still keeping herself covered, but letting the sheet drop just enough.
Lex: Yeah, I do actually. I wasn’t planning on staying all night last night. I had fun though.
I lean down and kiss her and she tries to pull me back down on to the bed, causing me to laugh. I manage to pull myself back and she looks up at me disappointed.
Jordan: Well, I’m glad you did stay. And we can have more fun right now if you would just stop being in such a hurry to leave. You don’t have to be anywhere.
Lex: Jordan, stop. It’s not like I’m not going to come back. I was supposed to text Tim last night, but I didn’t.
She rolls her eyes and drops back down on the pillow. I fold my arms as I stare down at her.
Jordan: So he’s making the rules now? I’m sure he knows you’re fine. He wasn’t blowing up your phone or anything last night.
Lex: No, he’s not making the rules. There really are no rules, but when I tell him I’m going to do something, I’m going to stick to my word. Just like if I tell you something, I plan on sticking to it. Please don’t be jealous, okay? I spent the night here with you last night, and as long as you want, there will be more nights like this. And speaking of my phone...do you remember where I put it?
She shakes her head as I start looking around the room for my phone. I thought I left it out on the dresser, but it’s nowhere in sight now. After searching several minutes, a thought dawns on me and I turn and face Jordan, folding my arms again and frowning at her.
Lex: Alright, what did you do with it?
She tries her best to look innocent as she shakes her head, but refuses to look at me. She instead just stares up at the ceiling with her arms propped behind her head.
Jordan: I haven’t done anything with it.
Lex: You’re lying to me. I left it out on the dresser and you just happened to point out that Tim wasn’t blowing up my phone with calls or text messages last night. Now, Tim respects my decisions and all, but I know he would have at least texted me last night. Where is my phone Jordan?
She rolls back over on to her side and just stares at me. I know she has put my phone somewhere, and I’m betting it is in the drawer of the nightstand. When I reach for the drawer, she grabs a hold of my wrist and stops me.
Jordan: Baby, just wait. Please? Just get back into bed with me for a little while and then call Timmy boy.
I roll my eyes and shake my head at her pleading. I know what she’s trying to do, and it’s not going to work. If anyone is going to work out this whole arrangement, it’s going to be me. I pull my hand away and open the drawer to find my phone. It has conveniently been turned off and she lets out a disappointed sigh as I turn it back on. I sit down near her on the edge of the bed as my phone starts pushing through the notifications from last night.
Lex: Jordan, you’re making this more difficult than it has to be. You don’t have to sneak around hiding my phone like this. I could have told Tim last night that I was staying here and he would have been fine with it. He’s not this controlling asshole you seem to think he is.
Jordan: You don’t know that. What if you start spending more time with me, and he starts to disapprove? What then?
Lex: You mean what if he starts acting like you’re acting right now? He won’t, okay? I don’t know how many times I have to explain this to you.
She doesn’t say anything in response and I take a few seconds to look at my notifications. Luckily there aren’t that many text messages from Tim, but I still feel bad about the whole thing.
Lex: I have to go, alright? I promise I will call you later, but I have to get back to Tim for a while.
Jordan: When will you be back? Or is Tim more important?
I let out a sigh and shake my head.
Lex: How long are you staying in Vegas for? How are you even affording this room?
Jordan: I’m in Vegas for as long as I need to be. And don’t worry about how I’m paying for this room.
Is she serious? I know she doesn’t have a job and this room isn’t cheap, either. I don’t know where she got the money, and I’m not ready to get into it too much at the moment. Another idea hits me and I walk over and grab my bag. The keys to my rarely used apartment are inside and I take them out, walking back over to the bed, handing them to her.
Jordan: What’s that?
Lex: The keys to my apartment. I’m hardly ever there, so you can crash there. I know you can’t afford this room, so you can stay at my apartment and we can talk about everything else later.
Jordan: Don’t you and Tim ever stay there?
I shrug. I know she doesn’t want to know the answer to that, but I’m not about to lie to her.
Lex: Sometimes when we wanted some real privacy we did, but it’s not a big deal anymore. I’ve got something else up my sleeve for the solution to that. Just take the key, Jordan.
She thinks for a moment and then reluctantly takes the key from my hand. She still doesn’t seem sure about it as she looks back up at me.
Jordan: What do you have up your sleeve?
Lex: That’s between me and Tim, but I’ll let you know soon, okay? I gotta go.
Jordan: If you say so. I love you, Lex.
I smile and lean down, bring my lips to hers again. She keeps the kiss locked on as long as she can, almost desperate to get me to stay, but I back up.
Lex: Love you too, Jordan. I’ll call you later.
She frowns again as I stand up and head towards the door, walking out a few moments later. I call Tim as I’m heading towards the elevator, thankful he picks up after the second ring. This arrangement could take some time getting used to for all of us, but I know I can make it work. I think I can, anyway.
