The scene opens with a small auditorium, almost full to capacity. Most of the chairs in front of the stage are filled with fans, with only the front row filled with individuals in suits, and carrying legal pads to write down comments. The house lights start to dim, and stage lights come up, shining light on the two podiums that are on the stage. Through the PA system of the room crackles a little, and then the booming voice of Jason Halich, giving his best impression of an action movie voice over guy comes through.
Jason: “Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, bitches and hoes, crackers and dark chocolates, and anyone in between….”
The sound of a slap can be heard through the speakers, followed by the sound of a scuffle. The microphone being used makes the shuffling sound of two people fighting over it; before Jason’s poor impression is replaced by Kris’ attempt.
Kris: “In two weeks’ time, our heroes, the dynamic duo known as Jet City, will step into the Galen Center, in beautiful Los Angeles, California to challenge Jon “Pillsbury” Dough and Eyesnsane for the SCW Tag Team Championships...”
The microphone again changes hands, and Kris’ voice is replaced with Jason’s.
Jason: “So… without further ado, we give you, the multi-time world champion “Jack of Hearts” Jason Halich, and the semi-successf---”
Much like the first time the microphone changed hands, Jason’s voice cuts off and there seems to be a struggle. Kris again wins the battle, and with it, the ability to introduce himself.
Kris: “The former SCW Internet Champion and the only half of the team to actually win an SCW match in his career! He is “The Accident” Kris Halich!”
The two voices join together now, on the same page for just a single moment.
Jason & Kris: “WE ARE!”
The fans in attendance know this part, and chime in at the same time as Kris goes solo with their own animated screams.
Kris: “Jet!”
Following that, the deeper voice of the older brother joins the fans for the next line.
Jason: “City!”
The two brothers step out from behind the curtain at the back of the stage, each accompanied by their significant others. Kris is dressed in a ridiculous zebra striped suit and bowtie, but the smile on his face and “Queen’s wave” shows that the wardrobe choice was entirely intentionally insane. Jason’s was equally bizarre, coming out in a Leopard print suit that severely clashes with absolutely everything in the room. However, the eyes of most everyone in the room zeroed in on the two women, half expecting them to be dressed as eye candy, and seeming entirely confused to see them dressed in jeans and matching black hoodies, of which Heather’s reads “Jet!” and Jules’ reads “City”, matching them to the brother that they accompany. The four of them pause on the stage, for photos that everyone in attendance struggles to steady their cameras to take. The laughter in the room is exactly what the duo had been hoping for. The two women depart the stage, taking seats at a table, with their backs to the crowd. Two cameras are set up behind them, and are linked to two screens behind the podiums. Jason and Kris both move to the one on the left side of the stage, whereas the one on the right stays empty.
Jason: “First of all we would like to apologize on behalf of our opponents, The Members of the Elders. They extend their apologies for not being able to attend this afternoon.”
Kris leans into the microphone, and clarifies his brother’s statement.
Kris: “Of course, it is probably our fault for forgetting to invite them until two minutes ago.”
Jason kind of gives his brother a shove out of the way, to take control over the microphone again, extending further clarification.
Jason: “Via text message…”
It is Kris’ turn to return the shove, and he finishes the statement, delivering the punchline that actually draws the laugh they were setting up from the crowd.
Kris: “And to be honest we turned off our phones after, so we are totally not even sure if they responded, nor do we actually care. See, we have gathered here today to--”
Jason bumps Kris away from the microphone in mid-sentence, but picks up exactly where his brother left off.
Jason: “...to talk to all of you about the state of Jet City. It was just two weeks ago when I called my younger brother, and convinced him to come out of his early, pathetic excuse for retirement in order to do one thing.”
Kris does not even try to hide the shove, nor do so nicely, as he jabs both of his hands into his brother’s near side shoulder and chest, sending him off balance and back a few feet, away from the podium.
Kris: “What my brother is trying say is that he was finally considering leaving his house after a couple of years of self-pity and depression, but realized he was much too old to mount a comeback all by himself. Instead, he knew that the only way that he was going to be a success was to find a young, talented, able-bodied…”
Jason now returns the shove from his brother with equal force, but being that he was the larger and taller of the two, doing so sends Kris stumbling to the center of the stage, and he falls down to a single knee. He gets up, irate, and points a finger at his brother.
Kris: “You are a spotlight stealing dick!”
Jason steps away from the podium and comes face-to-face with his brother, the two now screaming, without need for a microphone for the entire room full of people to understand them.
Jason: “To say you are talented is an insult to talented people like me!”
Kris was not one to back down from a fight though.
Kris: “Talented like never having defended any of the handfuls of titles you ever won!”
Jason gasps, but at this point the people in attendance can tell that the fight is totally staged, as Jason issues Kris an open-handed slap that does not connect at all, yet the resounding sound is heard as Kris claps his hands and turns away.
Jason: “At least I can say that I have won more than one, and even at that, more prestigious than an ‘Internet Championship’ whatever that is.”
Kris returns an equally fake slap, and Jason falls back into the podium. Kris brushes the front of his suit off and takes a step towards the podium.
Kris: “Well there is only one way to settle all of this!”
He reaches out to the Jet City sign and rips it in half, before sticking the “City” sign back to the podium. He takes a few steps away, removing the sign for The Members of the Elders, and sticking the “Jet” half of the sign to the podium, gaining wide cheers from the fans.
Jason: “We will just have to see about that!”
The crowd is applauding both men for the show, but Kris and Jason ignore them, their words coming through microphones.
Kris: “Oh, we’ll see!”
Jason nods in agreement, but refuses to let his brother to get the last word.
Jason: “I guess the only thing left to do, is see!”
Finally, both women behind the moderator’s table speak into their microphones at the same time, yelling at their respective brother in unison.
Heather & Jules: “Shut up!”
Almost as if being yelled at by angry parents, both men slam their mouths shut and look down at the podiums. The two girls look at each other smiling, and chatter back and forth with one another about how awesome it was that they were almost perfectly harmonized in their command. Both brothers, look up from the podium slightly, only raising their heads high enough so that their eyes can meet the gaze of the women in front of them.
Jason & Kris: “Sorry….”
They sounded exceptionally melancholy, and at least half of the members of the crowd seem to legitimately buy their apology. Jules and Heather talk over what they are going to do in order to get the event back on track, before agreeing on the order of questions. Jules turns to her microphone, while Heather sits back in her chair slightly.
Jules: “The first question of the night is for Jason and comes from…”
She points behind her, to the crowd, without turning to actually locate the individual she references.
Jules: “One of those guys… Jason, with your brother’s long history in the company, none of it being particularly positive, why would you bother trusting that he is going to be able to pull himself together long enough to get the job done at High Stakes against two men that only won the titles a little more than two weeks ago.”
Jason smiles widely, and nods to Jules in approval of her perfect delivery of the question.
Jason: “I can answer that question in three short, easy-to-follow points. Firstly, I would like to thank you for your question and say that despite the lack of revealing clothing you decided to wear this evening, you look absolutely delicious. Secondly, there are only two people in this world that are capable of keeping my brother in line, and only one of them has a penis… I think.”
He looks back and forth between Kris and Heather for confirmation, and both give him a subtle nod.
Jason: “That individual is me. I have taken care of this man child for all 27 years of his life, and will likely continue to do so long after we leave this business. If anyone can get the best of the best out of him inside a ring, that person is me. Finally, the team of Jet City is not completely new. Before we both left the business for a while, we competed in a couple of tag team matches in small promotions, and we have yet to lose a match as a team. I think that makes us more than capable of handling a team that is fresh into their championship run.”
The response gathers light applause from the audience that dies out pretty quickly. Heather does not allow time to be wasted before getting to the next question.
Heather: “Our next question comes to us from the user @DefinitelyNotKrisMakingUpFakeQuestions on Twitter, which seems like an unnaturally long, but legitimate, Twitter handle. The question reads: Kris, it is a widely known fact that your brother is, indeed, old as shit. Are you concerned that maybe he has lost a step, or could possibly break a hip during your match?”
This time the crowd becomes a little more unhinged as Jason glares across the stage at Kris. He holds up his index finger, and mouths the words, “That is one” to Kris before the younger brother even attempts to answer the question. Once he starts though, it is obvious that he is going to take a much different approach than his brother.
Kris: “I could take the diplomatic approach and go step by step, and lay out some bullshit pretty language in an attempt to only partially answer the question. The problem is, I am not a politician, and that seems like a lot of wasted effort. What I can say is my brother is by no means past his prime. Granted, he is a little older, and a little slower than I am when it comes to getting around the ring, but he is more than talented enough, and his technical skills are sharp enough, that things like that do not put the team at a disadvantage. When we need to take the tempo up a notch that is when I catch the tag and get things moving. When we need to catch a breath and start dismantling body parts, we put let the veteran do his thing. Tag teams are about balance, and we have that pretty much down to a science.”
Again, a light bit of applause comes from the crowd, slightly more powerful than the response given to Jason’s answer. Kris taunts his brother by licking the end of his index finger before drawing a tally mark in the air, giving himself the first round win. Jules makes sure that his celebrating is only momentary though, turning the attention back to Jason.
Jules: “Jason, you are making a debut in SCW, in a title match no less. How are you handling the added pressure involved in not having a few matches to get your form back before being thrown into the fire?”
Kris rests both of his elbows on the podium, and rests his chin in the palms of his hands, his fingers outstretched onto his cheeks and tapping lightly. His eyes widen, and he stares at his brother in a way that makes everyone a little uncomfortable, in an attempt to throw him off his game.
Jason: “Now, I do not expect everyone here today, or even everyone watching SCW programming to be familiar with my history. In addition, it would be uncharacteristically cocky of me to name specific names and times of accomplishments from my past. However, what I will say is that this is not the first time that I will be stepping into a company for a first time, and competing for a title when the bell rings. Four years ago, I did just that, and I walked out victorious. From that moment, I went on to hold that title for longer than anyone before or after me, and defend it more times than anyone in company history. My asshole tag team partner made mention, incorrectly, that I had never successfully defended any of my previous championships, so I am happy to have been afforded the opportunity to correct the error. We can hardly judge him though, as substance abuse has destroyed most of his memory.”
The fans do not applaud or cheer this time. Instead, most collectively yells out “Ohhh!!!” in response to the dig at Kris. The younger of the two brothers sits up from the podium, and the buffoonery has faded from his expression. It is his turn to point at his brother, and then hold up an index finger, signifying that the comment was his brother’s first strike, making them even. He turns the glare from Jason to Heather, who speaks up with the next question.
Heather: “Kris, you have had success in SCW, but never at High Stakes events. In fact, you have never even had a match at the venue, despite appearing. In fact, it could be argued that, for the majority of all of the time you have spent in SCW, you have not done anything noteworthy. In your first few runs, you attempted, and were unsuccessful in winning the Roulette Championship. Finally, you won the Internet Championship, but lost it a short time later and then left the company citing hatred of the travel schedule. As a man with a wife, child, and child on the way, is it really worth it to return now?”
Jason holds his hand over his mouth to cover the fact that his jaw dropped open in response to the question. Kris looks absolutely dumbfounded, and attempts to form an answer, before shaking the question off momentarily.
Kris: “May I ask who sent in this question?”
Heather shakes her head nonchalantly.
Heather: “You may not.”
Jason actually has to turn away from the cameras to hide his laughter at the exchange between husband and wife. Both brothers focus on Jules, who leans back in her seat a little, and points a finger of blame at Heather, hoping the woman did not see her do so. Kris’ eyes dart back and forth across the stage, trying to put together an answer to a question that they had clearly not planned for. He looks up at Heather, who gives him nothing but a blank stare, that she internally struggles to maintain, but it does not outwardly show.
Kris: “In all honesty, I do not think that my personal life is--”
Jason finally manages to regain his composure and learns into the microphone, joining the attack on his brother by cutting him off.
Jason: “Do not pussy out, man! The fans deserve an answer to the hard hitting questions!”
Kris opens and closes his mouth a few times, looking from Heather, to his podium, and then to Jason. He holds up two fingers to his brother now, signifying a second strike, and increased frustration.
Kris: “When I left this company the last time, I did not have anyone in my life that was important enough to bounce decisions of this magnitude off of. I was impulsive and reckless in everything that I did. Because of that, my win/loss record is not great. I would show up under the influence of substance. Even when I was sober, I would phone in my performances in order to simply collect a paycheck and leave. I was not serious about this career choice, I just wanted the money. The problems that I had, at the time, made traveling around the world inconvenient. As I have mentioned, more than once, I have come back now to make those things up to this company, the people on the roster, and the fans, all of whom deserved better. However, if anyone thinks that I did so without speaking to both the mother of my child and my beautiful, pregnant wife, then they are surely mistaken. I would not be standing on this stage without her blessing and support.”
The fan reaction to this answer is unmistakably the loudest thus far in debate. Kris comes out from behind the podium and actually leaps off of the stage, planting a kiss on his wife’s cheek and taking a bow before the crowd who seem pleased at the way he dug himself out of a pretty deep hole. Jason even puts his hands together, and gives his brother a congratulatory nod. Upon reaching his podium again, Kris holds his hand out to the crowd, waving for them to quiet down so the event can move on. Once they do, Jules clears her throat, and get Jason’s attention.
Jules: “Jason, while your brother’s personal battles have always been in the public eye, yours have never been addressed by the media. You have left this business a handful of times as well. The ways that you have done so have not exactly been any better than your brother. For instance, you once faked a car accident in order to get out of a contract. You suffered tragedy in your personal life which led to stepping away for a couple of years. Most recently, you started a company, which failed miserably, and you left the public eye to avoid association with now incarcerated members of the company. Can anybody actually trust that you are here for the long run, being that you do not have the same motivation for redemption that your brother does?”
It is Kris’ turn to cover his mouth, and Jason’s turn to be blindsided. He raises his left hand to his chest and exhales heavily, acting as if he was stabbed by her words. He is able to downplay his shock a lot better than his brother was, and finds an answer a lot more quickly as well.
Jason: “I do not have the motivation to fix my mistakes, because I simply do not make mistakes when it comes to this business.”
Jason pauses for a second, allowing the confidence in his words to sink it. It does not get the chance though, as Kris interjects.
Kris: “Bullshit!”
Kris tries to cover the accusation as a cough, and even goes as far as to slap his chest a few times with one hand while covering his mouth with the other. He shakes his head and tries to brush it off as nothing.
Kris: “I am so sorry. I had a tickle in the back of my throat… or something.”
Jason tries to set his brother on fire with his gaze and is disappointed when Kris does not burst into flames. Instead, he settles for holding up two fingers and then pointing at his brother, making them even once again. He turns his gaze away from Kris and back to the crowd, not allowing the distraction to derail his answer.
Jason: “The car wreck happened, but was exaggerated to get myself and my fiancée at the time out of our contracts. I experienced the death of my daughter shortly after, and that derailed any thoughts of a comeback. Then, I invested my money in a project with a tone of potential, only to have a thug and criminal show his true colors when it was found that he was manipulating everything in front of, and behind the cameras in order to benefit himself. In all of those situations, leaving the public eye was for the best. For one reason or another, it needed to be done. Whether that was to pursue a relationship, grieve for the loss of a child, or distance myself from a criminal investigation, it needed to be done. Now that all of those situations are resolved, I am back to do the thing I want to do most in the world. If something important enough comes along, would it create an issue? Maybe. I refuse to promise more than I can deliver. What I can say is, I do not foresee it happening, and I think SCW is stuck with me for a long time.”
Jason waits for some kind of applause to radiate through the crowd, but gets a complete lack of response. The individuals in the front row of the auditorium are scribbling down notes on their pads of paper, now that a legitimate question had been asked. Heather turned slightly in her chair, not wanting to infringe on them getting the information down, but not wanting to hold up the show.
Heather: “Kris, I think we can all agree that we have asked some hard hitting questions, but mostly have chosen to keep it light. What we have not yet brought up, is the subject of The Members of the Elders, or at least not directly. Do you have a message you want to relay to them?”
Kris nods a few times, and brushes his index finger across his bottom lip, trying to organize his thoughts.
Kris: “I think that I can say a few words, sure. All joking and whatnot aside, these two are probably pretty formidable. The Doughboy is a three time tag team champion, and I am pretty sure that is with three different partners. In everything that I have seen, the guy probably forgotten more about technical wrestling than I will ever spend time learning. Granted, I have an excuse now. I wouldn’t want to step on Jason’s toes or turn our match into a constant one-up battle. Our style works because we are so very different. Eyesnsane just had a parking lot brawl match. Now, the dude may have not walked out of it with a victory, but he also did not get his ass handed to him. The guy held his own in the match, and quite honestly fights a lot like me. So we have equal match ups, regardless of which of our opponents is legal. On the other hand, I think that the opposite is also true, and that we have the advantage in the mismatches. One thing is certain though, as good as Dough might be in tag team situations, with a handful of partners, my brother and I have been working and training together since we were teenagers. I think that gives us an edge.”
There is light chatter about Kris’ comments in the crowd, and the two brothers share a glance at each other, nodding. Jason leans forward into his microphone and asks Jules a question for once.
Jason: “I have something that I would like to add, if possible? Unless you had another question.”
Jules: “Well I did have another question, but it was exactly the same one we asked Kris, so go ahead.”
Jason rubs his palms together over top of the podium, and then pulls his microphone off of the podium, holding it up to his lips. He steps around to center stage, and looks out to the crowd.
Jason: “In the spirit of total transparency, I think we can all agree that this whole shtick up here was meant to be more fun and light spirited than anything else. Sure, our significant others have tossed to hard questions at us, but even our responses and efforts have been to keep you guys entertained. Mr. Pillsbury, Jon Dough, seems to have a similar outlook on his craft. He is good at what he does, but wins and losses do not matter to him. Eyesnsane, I am not entirely sure about. There is significantly less information about him available to us, or maybe I am just not digging deep enough. The main thing that I want to get across is that despite the way that we have acted, The Members of the Elders should not make the mistake of thinking that we are taking this whole thing lightly. We are very serious about this match, and every other one that we are going to be involved in with this company. We do not come in, and do things halfway.”
Jason pauses and turns to his brother, to mimics him in ripping the microphone off of the stand and coming to the center of the stage.
Kris: “I have echoed the same kind of statement every time I have spoken about a return. I understand that I am notoriously flakey and unfocused so maybe when the words come out of my mouth; everyone blows them off, which is the reason that I am going to have to keep repeating them over and over again. I care about people putting on a great show. I care about the product. I care about proving myself. Not very many people know, given my brother’s level of success as compared to my own, but this was never his dream or his goal. This was never his plan. This life was something that I wanted since before I was old enough to make it a reality. I wanted to be the one in training every day, and he got dragged along for the ride. When I went down a bad path, he kept pushing to keep that dream alive for me. Now we are here, together, so that I can take it back for myself.”
Jason shakes his head and dismisses the last part of what his brother says.
Jason: “You have a lot more work before you climb out of my shadow. You may have been the one to conceive the idea, but I made it the reality that we live in today.”
Kris: “I think that---”
Jason reaches over and slaps the top of the microphone, which forces it to slide out of Kris’ hand.
Jason: “Nobody cares!”
It hits the stage hard, and then rolls forward before falling off of the stage and onto the moderators’ table. Jules quickly scoops it up, and pulls it close to her chest, shaking her head and denying Kris when he asks for it back.
Jason: “The path that we are going to carve through SCW is not one of individual notoriety or accomplishment. Jet City is not some partnership to arbitrarily be thrown away when we feel it is time to rise above the group and make a run as individuals. We have done that. We have been champions in the past. The thing that we have never done, but the thing that we are going to do in a little over a week, is win a championship together. SCW has given us the opportunity to do just that. We are not going to let them down. You may not exactly be cheering for us, often times you will probably boo us, but one thing that will never be, is bored by us.”
The people in the crowd actually start to rise up out of their chairs, in applause. Kris takes an exaggerated bow in gratitude at the ovation, and holds his hand out for Jason to hand him the microphone. Jason turns it over, waving to everyone in the crowd.
Kris: “Now we just have a couple of things we have to do before getting out of here, and if we could have your help doing so it would make us so very happy, what do you say?”
Crowd: “Let’s do this!”
They have prompted them to do deliver the line more than a handful of times before. Jason takes a step closer to his brother and puts his arm around his shoulders so that they can both speak into the microphone at the same time.
Kris & Jason: “WE ARE!”
Kris lowers the microphone and they separate. They move to opposite sides of the stage and yell out, accompanied by the crowd.
Kris: “JET!”
Jason: “CITY!”
Kris tosses the microphone underhanded to his brother, who raises it without hesitation. Almost instinctively, the fans quiet, knowing the event is coming to an end and knowing exactly what the next words out of Jason’s mouth are going to be.
Jason: “And for any of you that are fans of The Members of the Elders, you might want to go ahead and phone a ride home for them from the Galen Center, because they are going to need it.”
He tosses the microphone back to his brother, who holds it up.
Kris: “Someone call the ambulance! There’s gonna be an Accident!”
