I’ve never liked being on this cruise and this year was no different. This dates back to when I was first on it back in 2020 and completely hit rock bottom feeling like a worthless piece of shit losing to Evie Jordan again and being ejected from the world title picture for many years up until last year’s High Stakes.I was sitting in the cabin that I was assigned in and I was going through a few triggers. The colors of the walls, the lighting, the window view… it all felt so cold and familiar to me and when I actually got a look at the cabin number I was in, I was completely spooked by what I just realized…

“I’m in the same damn cabin I was in five years ago…”

The trauma was flooding back: Evie, feeling like a piece of shit, hearing the other Bombshells celebrate my defeat from in here, feeling like I was a failure of a daughter, and so on.

Depression drowned me incredibly easy as well as the feeling of just wanting to give up.

“You gave in five years ago…” I could hear the demon inside of me saying. “After you lost to Evie again, you decided that you were worthless and that you were incapable of amounting to anything that you wanted to be.”

“Don’t even start with me…” I said back.

“You disappointed your family all those years ago while you proved Evie right. Even now, you’re STILL proving her right. You let down your father while she ran you out of the building again. You made the best decision that you could ever make and that was giving up and letting me take over.”

“It was the WORST mistake of my career…” I retorted. “If I could do it all over again…”

“You NEEDED ME five years ago just like you need me now. If you never let me out in the first place, you’re a retired wrestler that never made it to her fullest potential.”

“I got out of SCW to subdue you and fix myself…” I reminded that darkness in me.  “I destroyed my own doubts and I came back stronger and better than ever. I won a world championship even when I was down in the dumps over High Stakes. That’s more than enough strength to prove that I don’t need you…”

“Then why are you right back to where you were five years ago?"

That stung me, realizing how true that was.

“It’s all an unfortunate coincidence…”

“No, it’s destiny!” the inner darkness said to me. “Think about where you would be if you let me out by now. You would’ve won at High Stakes in front of your whole family and you would’ve avoided all this.”

“It’s a LIE!”

“IS IT?!?!?! Because everything since High Stakes shows that it was the truth. You put that pressure on yourself to make your family proud and look what happened. You should’ve torn into Kayla but you didn’t because you were that much of a PUSSY to go after her, FEARING what she was going to say back. That didn’t work out so well for you the last time you faced her didn’t it?”

The defeatist attitude within me grew at this point.

“...I tried to avoid that poison she spews out of her mouth, only to get buried like a nothing piece of shit and getting compared to Crystal Hilton…”

“EXACTLY!”

“Maybe you’re right… maybe I should just embrace that this is the way things are supposed to be…”

“Being this ‘inspirational redeemer’ isn’t working. Think about how different things would’ve been if you just went right after Kayla instead of trying to avoid her ‘verbal poison’... which you failed to do anyway…”

“I would’ve won at High Stakes…” I thought with a sigh. “I would’ve beaten her in the rematch and gotten her out of the world title picture. I would’ve won the Chamber knowing that fighting with you would’ve given me that extra edge again to lay waste to simpleton pieces of trash like Necra and Mercedes…”

“Everything that has happened since the Chamber wouldn’t have had you given up this ‘good girl’ nonsense…”

“I’d be the world champion right now… and the fact that I’m not is all my own fault. I should’ve just let you take over me just like I did in this cabin five years ago. It would’ve saved me so much suffering.”

“You know what to do to no longer suffer anymore. There’s no avoiding me nor what you were always meant to be in SCW. There is no point in trying to overcome the past and prove people wrong because all you do in that regard is fail…”

“I’m done fighting this…” I said to myself. “There’s no way I can make it in SCW sticking to what I truly believe in. If I keep pushing with something that’s not working, all I’ll do is sink further and fail the way everyone else wants me to…”

Realizing this made me feel completely free, but then the room suddenly got numbingly chilly and the room seemed to get brighter. I was shivering a bit, not even getting the chance to revel in the relief I was feeling that I wasn’t carrying the burden that I just dismissed.

“Open the notebook…” I could hear my father say. In a flash, I remembered what my mother gave me. “...before you give up completely…”

I looked down while still trying to deal with the chill in the room. The notebook was in a bag right in front of me and I was remembering what my mother was telling me about how it was going to help me significantly once I opened it up and read the contents inside.

“Alright Dad…” I said out loud with a sigh while my nerves were starting to go haywire. Even those two words, which were the first I said outside of my own thoughts, felt surreal to let out. “...what do you have to say?”

I reached for the notebook and on the first page, I saw it was a letter from my father that was dated shortly after I lost the world championship the first time…

“Andrea…

I understand that losing a world championship feels like the most heartbreaking and devastating thing in the world when you go through it for the first time. I’ve been there. You’re terrified that you’ve let me down losing that title quicker than you wanted to and that’s what will break your heart more than anything….”

I stopped reading briefly feeling like this spoke to me after the Chamber as well.

“...you’re taking things to heart so badly because you feel like you let the bullies in the locker room win and that they are celebrating your failure. I KNOW YOU and how you react to heartbreak and I know that you feel like Evie and all the other bullies  were right about you being a ‘fairy tale’. Let me tell you, Andrea

NONE OF IT IS TRUE…”

My eyes widened with shock seeing that last sentence in huge, bold letters! My father even wrote it in red ink in contrast with the black the rest of the letter is and underlined it to emphasize the point for me.

“I understand you’re fragile to criticism from others and that the hate you’re getting from everyone else is overwhelming you and your suffering comes from not yet learning how to handle it but the truth is, my daughter, that while it’s worse in SCW than most places, hate, criticism, and scorn is something that never goes away in this business and for the sake of your future and your career, you have to learn how to handle it! You’re strong enough and smart enough to handle it and overcome it and when you get it, you will never, have to worry about it again….”

I paused my reading and teared up a bit knowing that five years later, I STILL hadn’t learned how to overcome all the negativity and criticism that comes my way CONSTANTLY in SCW.

“I know that you will be pushed beyond your limits by that locker room, week after week, match after match, promo after promo. You will be tempted to lash back out in hatred because it’s human nature and most of that locker room operates that way. But the secret to overcoming it?

Love.”

I was taken aback by what I just read from my father.

“Love? Why the hell would I want to love anyone in that locker room after everything I’ve had to deal with from them over the years? Sure, I own that I reacted horribly to it years ago and became what I was. But how can I carry love for the ones that pushed me to that point?”

I sighed before I kept reading.

“Learn to love yourself and you'll NEVER have to suffer from the hatred and criticism and empty bullshit from others again.”

My eyes lit up with shock.

“The hatred you get from those in that room stems from a place of hate within themselves so they have to drag you down to their level. Rise above that, Andrea. Look inside yourself and see how strong you’ve become and how strong you’re destined to be.”

The tears started flooding down my face and I started to really cry once I read those final words. The last five years suddenly flashed before me and I was quick to remember that I left SCW to rebuild myself and then came back stronger, through all of it, as a much better wrestler,  and even won the world title when I wasn’t even giving myself my best.

“I got you, Daddy….” I said through my own tears as years of awful pain I was carrying inside of me was melting away in seconds. I took a few moments to soak it all in. I came to the realization that I wasn’t weak like I thought I was, then or now and that I was so much stronger than what the last few months, and the empty, vapid, horrible opinions of other people were throwing at me.

I realized that everything that happened five years ago, prior to turning that horrible leaf that I did, wasn’t my fault and that it was Evie, Crystal, Kate and all those bitches that were the problem.

It was never me!

To realize that at last opened my eyes and that room suddenly felt warmer again. I had this grim determination in my heart now knowing that to be the truth. I set down the notebook and I walked to the bathroom of the cabin that suddenly didn’t feel like a trigger anymore. I wiped away the tears and planned to open the mirror to get to my cosmetics inside when I saw my own reflection… and an image of myself from a few years back from when I was that evil, horrible person as a result of allowing the words of other people to break me.

But that evil part of me wasn’t letting go yet…

“You don’t believe any of what you just read. Five years ago, you were a failure that was one of the worst world champions of all time and you managed to duplicate that earlier this year. All you read were lies and…”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

How I was able to keep that in my head instead of screaming that at the mirror is a miracle.

“You’re DONE! Yeah, maybe there were some things I wish I did different or that could’ve been different.but for all of that, I accept myself for who I am and I was ALWAYS good enough to be me just the way I am! So what if those reigns weren’t what I wanted? Does that make Evie or Kayla right? Fuck no it doesn’t. So what if I lost to those two? So what if I screwed up against them? Does that make me a failure or not good enough? Fuck no it doesn’t. I know my own shortcomings have caused those unfortunate outcomes… like with that last match I just had… but it’s NEVER made me a lesser wrestler or person, a failure to my family or any of the negative bullshit anyone in that locker room has ever said about me true at all…”

“You MAKE them true fucking up at the worst possible moments…”

“You’re WRONG! EVERYONE ELSE IS WRONG!”

That fire in me was really raging something deep now.

“Why? Because I love and accept myself unconditionally despite my own flaws and shortcomings! I’ve been through and overcome so much more shit than anyone can ever imagine which makes me one of the STRONGEST people in the business and that love is ALL I need to do to make my doubts that create you go away!”

“But the others are still going to trash you, twist your intentions around and they’ll never stop calling you fake because they KNOW it gets to you and they KNOW that’s how they can bring you down because it’s worked MANY times in SCW. That’s where you need me to put those bitches in the ground!”

"I am who I am and I don't give a FUCK anymore…” I said out loud before I went back to my internal thoughts and the end of the mental struggle I’ve had more empowered than I’ve ever been. “...I NEVER needed you and I will NEVER need you! You were born out of my own insecurities and being in my feelings too much about the perception of others but NO MORE! That’s done! YOU’RE DONE!”

I closed my eyes and I took a deep breath. When I opened them, that image of my evil self was gone from the mirror. I looked down at the sink with my heart being filled with a new inner strength I’ve never had before. Looking back at the mirror, all I had to do was say one thing out loud to myself…

“I’m never going to have to worry about relapsing back to that bullshit again! It feels so god damn good knowing that. The best feeling in the world is that starting this weekend and going forward, I know I will NEVER, EVER be weighed down by ANYTHING, ANYONE ever says about me or two me again. Fuck them all! I’m doing ME whether they fucking like it or not and if they DON’T like it? That’s a THEM problem. It never was a me problem, it never will be. Thanks Dad, for coming through for me one last time…”

I gathered myself and opened the mirror, re-did my face with the cosmetics inside of it to rid my face of the mascara streaks I had from the earlier tears and with a greater self-confidence than ever I left my cabin to FINALLY have my own fun on the cruise, whatever that might be for the first time that I’ve been on it, to celebrate myself knowing I was finally free of my own doubts and demons.

Later…

It was late enough to where I knew the other SCW wrestlers were likely not going to be up there, but for the first time, I actually took the time to go out on the deck and look out at the sea. I was definitely coming down from a peaceful bliss that I finally got to experience for the first time being on the ship in the four times that I have been on it. The water was clear enough for me to see my reflection in the ocean.

I could feel the warmth of knowing that I no longer had to be ashamed of myself or ashamed of anything horrible that I went through in SCW just flowing right through me. I finally felt free from so many burdens and so much issues that were dragging me down. The camera was nearby, though not on yet. I wanted to think about what I was going to say considering that I made the choice to not only NOT watch anything any of my opponents said about me, but to not even directly address them at all.

It wasn’t a decision that I was regretting and looking ahead to the match that I had that weekend, I had a strange, yet peaceful aura filling my soul and letting me know that everything was going to be okay…

Finally…

I signaled for the camera to roll and when I saw the light, I began to express my thoughts.

“I’ll be real here. Summer XXXtreme is by far my least favorite Supercard of all of them that are on the calendar. After the first time I was on this cruise, I hated it and this year is no exception. I know that the last couple of times I was here, I won but they weren’t wins that I would consider particularly satisfying considering last year was a random triple threat and the time before that was in 2021 beating Samantha Marlowe in a two out of three falls match. Yes, I know Marlowe is a legend and I respect that, but Sammi wasn’t at her best and I caught her in the middle of a downswing of her career so I can’t say I can be THAT proud of that. Of course, the first time I came here was losing to Evie Jordan for the second supercard in a row and the fourth time in a row at all and it took me years to get beyond that. Even after I did, it was hard to come back on this cruise simply because I didn’t want to face that traumatic experience that I went through five years ago. In a match like what I am about to participate on Sunday, that would put me at a heavy disadvantage. However, earlier tonight in the privacy of my own room, I came across a message from my father that he wrote to me five years ago after I lost the world title to Evie… a message that opened my eyes and finally gave me the confidence to face my traumas, learn that everything that happened up until that point WASN’T my fault five years ago and finally made me come out of that cabin and enjoy this damn cruise for once…

My recent shortcomings, as I discussed before, ARE my fault and I take full responsibility for that. But should I lose this match? It’s not because I wasn’t good enough or whatever negative nonsense a future opponent might throw at me. It’s because someone else was better. I won’t have that excuse this time of “I’ve been dogging it because I let HIgh Stakes get to me for an eternity” anymore. That’s part of growing up: you acknowledge your mistakes and once you do, you toss them aside and you don’t use those as a crutch anymore. But really, everything that happened from High Stakes last year up until now is rooted in heartbreak that happened five years ago when the first SCW Bombshells World Championship reign that I had and then my disgraceful drowning on this cruise five years ago when I got my rematch took place. My biggest weakness really, is that I would take things from other people too fucking personally and I would allow losses to bother me too much instead of just filtering out the negativity and learning how to move on. I wouldn’t move on because I was too young and too immature to face my defeats and I would rather just run away and do everything that I could to sweep them under the rug but at some point, that just doesn’t work anymore. After what just happened to me, I finally had to learn my lesson the hard way and that’s what I’ve done coming into this thing. I know it’s not going to guarantee me a world championship and it’s not going to guarantee me a win in this match. But this is a process…

I’m done running away…

I’m through with responding with hatred, criticism, lies and bullshit from other people with hatred and criticism of my own right because that doesn’t make me any better than the person throwing the vitriol at me. I’m through living in that cloud of negativity and allowing myself to be just another Bombshell on the Sin City Wrestling assembly line, if you catch my drift. I know that I’m distant. Hell, even going back to my first run, I always was. But I’ve never been someone that opens her heart so easily. I’m perfectly fine with riding this thing on my own. But for me? This match is my REAL coming out party! This is where I TRULY learn how to thrive int his company. The truth is, in perspective? Everything I’ve accomplished up to this point? Winning the title the first time five years ago, winning the Internet Championship tournament, going an entire calendar year undefeated, beating Kayla Richards for the title, winning the Belle of the Brawl last year? It was all a warm up. At NO point when I accomplished ANY of that was I truly at my absolute best as a whole in my professional career. This is not to shortchange what I’ve accomplished, but this is to paint things in a different perspective.

For five years, I’ve been fighting with nothing but internal demons inside of me. I’ve had anchors in my mind stemming from many experiences in my life and career weighing me down and yet despite all of that, I was able to accomplish everything that I just described? In spite of myself, I’ve still managed to become a five time world champion across the board? Just imagine what I can do when the chains come off and I am finally free from my own burdens. Tonight, I finally learned the key to breaking free from everything that was weighing me down for years and sure, it might not guarantee me this victory on Sunday, but it WILL unlock the brightest future I’ve ever had and it WILL guarantee that I will NEVER, EVER have to suffer through the internal darkness and the proverbial chains that have done nothing but weigh me down for years, even before I ever came to this company. I can’t stop some mindless moron in this division such as Necra Octavian Kane or Kate Steele for instance, to throw shade my way and to resort to name calling and lies and bullshit. I realize that now. But what I CAN stop is how negatively I react to it and how up in my feelings I get about that type of trash. What I CAN control is how much I choose to even HEAR all that nonsense if I choose to hear any of it at all and like I said coming into this thing, I am NOT even going to BOTHER hearing your nonsense, your lies, your bullshit and all this other stuff that for the most part, comes from within a place of insecurity to some extent or some shape or form. You don’t have to like me, but you have to remember that if you choose to even try to bring me down, there’s a REASON why you make that choice.

It’s because to some extent, even though you may turn on the camera and you might say ‘well, I’m not intimidated by Andrea’, you’re honestly, for the most part, a fucking liar and let me tell you why: because if you’re NOT intimidated by me whatsoever, then you don’t even bother going out there and making the grandiose effort to even try to slander me and bring me down to your level at all. You don’t even BOTHER trying to stretch out a lie about me or to take something I said and twist it around to make it sound like whatever it is you want it to sound like to make ME look bad and considering how I am constantly targeted and criticized around here more then most people on this roster? The truth is? I’m one of the biggest threats in this company and the biggest threat in this match because of all the people in this match, I am THE person you are going to expend most of your energy on to try and drag down AND to expend most of your energy on to make sure I don’t win. You are all worried about ME, THREATENED by me to a degree, INTIMIDATED by what I have to say and when you look at my resume, yeah, you have every right to be but NOW? After I am DONE being my own worst enemy and dragging myself down by my own insecurities and allowing other people to get to me? I’m about to become an even bigger threat than ever whether I win this fucking thing or not. You’re ALL worried about beating me, dragging me down to your level, and making sure I don’t win to the point where you lose focus on YOU… and what YOU need to do to win because you’re so absorbed in making sure I don’t win and that’s what gives ME the power here and come Sunday what’s what gives ME the edge because I’m NOT worrying about what someone else says or what someone else tries to do to bring me down anymore.

What I am “worried” about is me, and doing whatever the fuck I need to do to get to the next level as a professional wrestler, empty words and adversity be damned. There has NEVER, in the history of this business, been a match that has been decided by a verbal debate that brings the worst out of people and that has admittedly brought that the worst in me for a stretch of time. Yeah, I am highly opinionated and I tell it like it is. And yeah, I have probably hurt a few feelings in this company both unintentionally and intentionally. I’m only human after all. Yeah, I came in with an attitude that most of the locker room didn’t like when I first got here and the reason why I fell off the wagon five years ago and wound up suffering the rock bottom of not just my SCW career, but my ENTIRE career PERIOD was because I let the haters and the critics win. The ONLY reason why my last match happened the way I did was for the same fucking reason when I went in there acting and feeling like I wanted to be anywhere else but that six sided ring. What I should’ve done five years ago was look ALL the haters in their faces in the eye and say “I am who the fuck I am, like it or not and if you don’t like it? Tough shit! Not my problem!” I don’t have to change for anyone else but me and I don’t have to answer to ANYONE or ANY of their criticisms or commentary or their Monday morning quarterbacking quack “psychological evaluations”. I didn’t have to do it then and I sure as hell don’t have to now…

Not to make other people happy anyway…

So take it for what it is to every single person in this match. I am who I am. I’m not perfect. I know my quirks. I know what I can be. I know that some parts of my personality rub others the wrong way, but it’s impossible to make everyone happy and even then the only person that matters as far as that is concerned is yourself. So yeah, bring your damn worst. I go into Summer Xtreme, I win this match and I truly become one with my best self and truly learn the kind of power that I have to not only control my own destiny and to be the person, the woman and the wrestler that I am meant to be through all the ups and downs and if I don’t? I STILL have learned that power and have gotten one step closer to become one with my best self AND I know coming out of it that most, if not all of my opponents, put in THAT much effort to make sure I didn’t win the match not knowing that I STILL got another victory of sorts KNOWING that as a fact: that so many people went out of their way to try to hold me back. I should’ve NEVER been up in my feelings five years ago about the unwarranted, undeserved hate I got from so many people back then knowing that really, they were the ones up in their feelings about me and the success I picked up so quickly and how I was carrying myself… but you live, you learn, you grow and regardless of what happens on Sunday, I am THRILLED to know that I see the REAL perspective of that past for what it REALLY is!

Sunday?

People are going to witness the power of the wisdom of mastering the knowledge that the only person that defines and knows their truth… is the person themselves.”

I cued for the cameraman to cut and the feed ended. He then handed me a photo album of some horrible memories of 5 years ago in SCW ranging from my loss of the World Championship to Evie, to what happened on this cruise, to High Stakes with Crystal and everything in between. I glanced through some of the photos of literally the worst summer of my life, got angry and then as hard as I could, I chucked those now-meaningless bad memories and that 2020 photo album overboard. I smirked watching those memories sink as I experienced the thrilling joy of never having those burdens again.

Beating Necra Octavian Kane was definitely the outlet that I said it was going to be. I got a very good chunk of anger that I had been holding back for five years out of me though I knew that there was probably some repressed anger that was more than likely still inside of me. I felt that satisfaction for a moment, but the next day? I knew that it wasn’t going to be all THAT helpful as far as my current situation goes. For the time being though, anger stepped aside and it was replaced with that very familiar June swoon feeling.

As had been the case every Father’s Day since he passed, I was visiting my father’s grave. The last five years definitely came before me in a flash as I longingly looked at the gravestone in front of me, fighting that horrible wishing that he was still here somehow and that the day he died was nothing but a nightmare that I had yet to wake up from. I could long or wish for things to have gone a different direction, but I let out a sigh with a very harsh reality…

“It never gets easier…”

I sighed again as I continued to talk to my father the best way that I could at this point.

“I know it’s been five years, but it still feels like it happened yesterday. The truth is, when you passed away, it was like an entire world got ripped away from me. I regret what your passing ended up doing to me. I regret that I let that pain and the toxic words of toxic people that I was dealing with at the time turn me into something I’m not. I know that I have since redeemed myself a hell of a lot and truly made you proud, but even I have to admit that winning the title in SCW the second time wasn’t as fulfilling as I was hoping it would be. Maybe I went numb after High Stakes? Maybe it didn’t mean as much as it would’ve had I won at that event instead of winning it when I did when I was alone and no family around me? Don’t get me wrong, I felt happy but not as happy as I thought. Maybe it’s because you weren’t there to celebrate it with me…”

Luckily, I was long past the point of crying over his death. I had long accepted the fact that he was dead. But five years later, I wasn’t as sure if I had accepted the fact that he could no longer be here.

“I’ve had to navigate all of this without you and there are times where I’m flying high and it’s so easy and there are other times where it feels like I can’t do it and I suffocate under all the pressure. Full disclosure? Trying the hardest that I can to keep my head up and to stay bright and above all the toxicity in a locker room full of poison like I do in SCW is probably the hardest thing I could ever do…

At this point, winning a world championship is a cakewalk in comparison….”

I paused, reflecting on the mistakes that caused me to succumb to the same exact pressure I was feeling five years ago. I knew in my heart that at the time, I had no sense of self-worth or any knowledge whatsoever of who I was or who I was meant to become. All June 2020 was for me personally was by far the worst month of my whole wrestling career.

“I am trying… VERY hard, Dad… but coming out of that last world title match that I was in… then going into the match I just had where I had a piece of shit of an opponent that treated me like I was fucking nobody… then combine that with all the shade and the harangues that I hear from opponents and even people that I’m not even wrestling against constantly. For months, I stood strong against it, but now, it’s like… what am I doing, honestly? How do I keep fighting when I know that the warped perception about me is never going to change? Aside from when I was in that rut that I was in all those years ago, all I’ve ever been is myself and it just doesn’t resonate with ANYONE at all. There’s a reason why I barely hang around the locker room or even bother promoting a fucking thing SCW related on social media anymore…”

I had to stop myself knowing that the frustration from everything that I just described was starting to get to me at this point. I took a few deep breaths and even imagined my father telling me that everything was going to be okay, to breathe, to bring everything back to what is supposed to matter and to flush everything else down the trash chute. I knew that this is what he would say to me. But I couldn’t help it anymore. I knew I was exhausted from being exposed to ‘the poison’ that I was talking about.

Winning another world championship or even succeeding in SCW became the least of my worries at this point. I had no confidence issues that I was still going to be a success story at the end of the day.

But knowing, swallowing and accepting the reality that no matter what I did, I was always going to have slander, hatred, lies, and the like thrown at me every single opposing promo became the REAL difficult part and there was a majority piece inside of my soul that just wanted to stop and not even deal with it anymore, as I was about to confess to my father.

“I’m tired, Daddy…” I said with a sigh. “...I’ll always be the punching bag of those toxic women…”

“Do you think he’d want you to be tired?” I heard one of my brothers say behind me.

“He’d want you to keep fighting, no matter what.” I heard the other say. I turned and saw Eddie and Roddy coming up from behind in the rare instance where it was just the three of us. They each put a hand on my shoulder and I didn’t even bother asking if they heard everything I said because I assumed, rightfully, that they did.

“I know you’ve been hurting lately, Andrea…” Eddie began. “...and that’s okay. You don’t have to hide it from us anymore. I know that whole series with Kayla Richards really brought you down and you tried to be strong through it.”

“It’s obvious with how distant you’ve been from that place that it really brought you down… that those words, that sudden about face, the worthless comparisons to Crystal and all of that nonsense when you didn’t do a damn thing to Kayla at all… it’s weighed you down…”

“It has, Roddy. Are you happy that I’ve admitted it? Are you happy that I’m hurting knowing that nothing I do in that company fucking matters to these people? I’m at the point where I don’t even know what the fuck anyone wants from me anymore. All I do is be the best that I can be, in the ring and out of the ring. I am real. I don’t hide shit. I don’t sugar coat shit. I express myself the way I am and it seems like all it does is give every vapid bitch in there an EXCUSE to slander me and make up all this fucking untrue shit. I’m struggling guys, honestly. There’s a part of me that just wants to… I don’t know…”

“Look, if it comes down to it, you can always walk away again…” Eddie reminded me.

“Don’t suggest that, bro. You know she wants to make things right.”

“I’ll never make it right…” I admitted. “Not with anyone in that room. No matter what I do, what I say, I’ll always be marginalized, scrutinized and treated unfairly just because… I don’t know. I wish things were better. I wish I didn’t have this struggle right now.”

“You just need to buy into your truth a little harder, Andrea…” Roddy advised.

“But HOW do I do that? How can I be the light that snuffs out the darkness surrounding me, you know? Dad never got the chance to teach me that. I understand that the key is believing in myself, my truth and everything that I’m about better, stronger and like you said harder. But where I’m struggling with is HOW? Dad died five years ago and it was the most heartbreaking thing that I’ve ever had to deal with and now it feels like I’m back in the same spot that I was then.”

My brothers looked at each other and I could tell that they were trying very hard to find a way to help me through this.

“For starters, quit being so distant from us…” Eddie added. “You know we’re always here to help you even if Dad is no longer with us.”

“Exactly…” Roddy added. “Whatever you need to help you get back on your feet, don’t be afraid to reach ou to either of us or both of us. You don’t have to struggle through this anymore and you sure as hell don’t have to deal with the crap that you deal with. You’re better and stronger than that. You were still doing some great things even though you lived through the horrible darkness that you did before you left that place and then you came back and you regained that world title. It takes someone very special to pull through all of that.

“You’re exactly it, Andrea. You just have to see your own strength for yourself and for real.”

“We’re here for you, no matter what…”

“Always…”

“I love you guys…”

We started to exchange hugs at that point and I knew my father would be incredibly happy with all of us right now.

“It’s fucking hard right now and it’s not getting any easier, but I can pull through this. I’ve done it once before when it was so much harder than it is right now and I can, and I will, do this again. You two have my promise that I’m never going to stop fighting and that I’ll never relapse back to what I was before. That match I just had a week ago was an outlet and a one time deal, nothing more.”

“That’s the spirit, Andrea…” Eddie assured me.

“You keep fighting and you keep on finding and believing in your truth…” Roddy reemphasized. “Just like Dad would…”

I glanced at the grave in front of us.

“...exactly like he would….”

Suddenly, this Father’s Day didn’t seem so gloomy even though I had a long way to go to fully pull through this.

A few hours later…

Chelsea LeClair was always someone that would give it to me straight which is why she’s been more or less my best friend for the last twenty or so years. When my brothers left and she came by to check on me, she was about to give it to me straight after I told her about the conversation that I had with both of them.

“I understand, Andrea…” she said with a sigh. “It’ll never fully stop being a struggle to deal with all of that toxicity and you have every right to step away from it and want to be as far away from it as possible. I mean, the shit Necra said about you going into your last match there, are you fucking kidding me?”

I rolled my eyes with annoyance.

“And everyone else seems to just want to twist your words into things like ‘arrogance’, ‘fake’, blah fucking blah. Honestly, Andrea, there isn’t an original fucking thought in that locker room. Hell, let me tell it to you REALLY fucking straight…”

“Yeah?”

“You’re too good of a person for that locker room. Hell, you’re too good of a person for SCW period.”

I narrowed my eyes with confusion.

“Chels, if that ever comes out of my mouth on social media or when the camera is on, you know that’s going to start a wave of shit just like 2020 again.”

“One, WHO FUCKING GIVES A FUCK about what anyone else thinks? I’m dead serious. I didn’t mean that as a professional wrestler and I didn’t mean that in the context of wins, championships and so forth. I meant as a human being. You and I both know, even though you really don’t want to say it, that SCW has a locker room full of awful people, full of venomous ego, full of vapid pieces of shit that don’t have an original thought, full of people that have nothing else to say about you because they’re so fucking unmotivated to better themselves in any way, full of people that just want to bring you down to their level because the company is either all they have in the business or the only company they’d be willing to work for because they’re fucking SCARED to be exposed wrestling for another company… and you’re going to let a bunch of THAT GARBAGE make you feel the way you do? Honestly, as your best friend ever, that’s fucking stupid and you need to stop fucking doing that.”

I knew right away that Chelsea was right and I didn’t even bother fighting back on this.

“Where am I wrong, Andrea? Every place has poison in its locker room. The other place that you wrestle for that you are FAR happier in and FAR more passionate about has it too, but as far as the business goes, it’s no worse than in SCW. Tell me where I’m wrong.”

“You’re not…”

“You’re fucking nuts for even wanting to be there, I’ll tell you that right now.”

“Unfinished business, Chelsea. It was never going to end the way it did when I left and it sure as hell isn’t going to end with the Kayla Richards nonsense. You’re right in everything you said. I just get so caught up in my own emotions that I forget that so often.”

“You just have to be grounded a little more and just keep focusing on within. I understand it’s a hard habit to break. I was there seeing you or hearing about you getting bullied and berated and torn down all the damn time at school or at home with Roddy back when he was a fucking prick to you. But you have at least four… about to be five by the end of this month in the other company… reasons why none of that shit matters…”

“Did you take that one out of my Dad’s playbook?” I asked her.

“Would your dad tell you anything different than what I just said? Be better, be stronger, stay above the shit, Andrea. You can express your truth and you can pick at the flaws of your opponents and their successes and failures until the cows come home, but for the sake of your father’s spirit, don’t let the assholes win. Don’t relapse back to what you were, alright?”

“Chelsea, if I ever do, you have every right to cripple me to the point of having to retire because I’d rather have THAT then ever relapsing back to that shit…”

I let out an angry sigh as I was largely determined to avoid relapsing back to that horrible phase of my career.

“I’m not letting the poison win again…”

With that, I turned away from my father’s grave and finally left the cemetery with Chelsea not so far behind…

June 27, 2025

When the camera was on, I was starting to feel a little bit better coming down from all the emotions on Father’s Day a couple of weeks prior. I was nowhere near as angry as I was going into my match against Necra, but I definitely still felt jaded considering that I had to come around on the truth that I was never going to change my perception in the ‘toxic’ locker room in SCW no matter what I said or did. Nonetheless, I spoke my mind and spoke my truth as always with the pride in my heart knowing that nobody knew my truth better than me.

“My last match was a purge. I had to get that anger out. Let’s just say it was a cheat meal of sorts as I ran rampant against a Hall of Fame member in Necra Octavian Kane and promptly shut her the fuck up. But, I have to be real. Aside from the fact that I beat someone that is in the Hall of Fame, I can’t say that win satisfies me very much. Maybe it’s because I know I have done better and that I can do better but really, I know that I’ve been too unfocused. I know I’ve been pushing too hard at the wrong things and worrying too much about perception and what other people have thought about me in the past or what someone says about me directly the week that I am facing them or whether or not someone has shaded me in a subtweet or in their own promo even when I’m not facing them. I’ve been pushing back on the hope that it would get better if not go away completely. I’ve even tried to give ‘being the light in the darkness’ a shot in trying to set a new example to change the culture in this locker room. I will be the first to admit that I was a fool for even trying that. After my match against Necra, I paid my father a visit, took in so much support and encouraging words from my friends and family, and tried the best that I could to put the pieces together just like I always do. I had to swallow the fact that the culture of this locker room is never going to change.

So why even TRY to change it at this point?

It’s still going to be the most ego-infested poison of a locker room I will ever wrestle in throughout my entire career. My way of fighting it isn’t to try to change the culture, it’s to make damn fucking sure that the culture doesn’t change me…

Again…

Necra was a purge, a statement and a release. There’s still a long way to go for things to get to where I desire them to be, but I will never be denied again and I meant it when I said it before and I will always mean when I say it. Not one person in this locker room, not one moment, not one ounce of adversity is going to change me again and you can interpret that however the fuck you want, but regardless of what happens, regardless of what lie is said about me, regardless of what happens any given match, at least I know walking out of that locker room and carrying on with the next day with my head held high and not allowing that shit to break me again is ALL I need to do to be above it all.

So as far as THIS match goes? I’m not entirely sure what to make of it really. On one hand, you got a new girl… a very impressive new girl with some favorable connections I should say… and on the other hand, you’ve got someone that has always been an identity crisis and always will be. I know it’s not the most exciting thing in the world to say, or the most “scandalous” thing in the world to say, but I’m going to go in there, I’m going to do what I have to do to win and then I just let it all roll off my back and move forward. I’m on a journey where I’m fighting through the darkness that I caved into years ago and this match will be the next step in the process for that and that’s the purpose that this match has for me.

Now, Amelia…

Got that win over Joanne Canelli.

I’m not so surprised by that.

Hell, I’m not even surprised that she finds herself in a match with me considering that, for better or worse, SCW does have a history of hot shotting newbies up the ladder like nobody’s business. Here’s where I can tell Amelia that she’s in over her head because she’s new and that Joanne really wasn’t that impressive or whatever cliche I can pull out of my ass. But no, I’m not going to do that. See, Amelia is someone that won’t sugar coat shit and she’s going to tell you exactly how she feels. She’s not going to pull any punches. I already know going in that whatever she says about me is probably going to be the same shit I always hear or maybe there will be a spin on it that is slightly different, but still. She’s the kind of person I am constantly fighting against in this company because you’ve got a roster full of women that feel like they have to tear each other down and make up lies about people and interpret this to force their lies and interpret that to twist their narrative even though it makes no fucking sense. Yeah, I already know that. I can tell that Amelia is in that same line of thinking… maybe to a smaller extent than the others, who the hell knows. Her associations alone tell you that. But I’m going to tell her straight up that what worked with Joanne isn’t going to work with me.

I’ve been where you are, Amelia. Hell, I’ve even experienced that hot shotting. When I had my first match here back in 2019, it wasn’t against anyone special at all but then my second match in… BOOM, I’m suddenly facing Mercedes Vargas and then five matches in, I’m facing then-world champion Alicia Lukas right off of High Stakes. Not even nine months in, I’m already a world champion. Matter of fact, I experienced it again when I came back. Not even ten matches in…. BOOM, I’m in the Bombshells main event of High Stakes for the first time in my long run here. I’ve been able to navigate the waters that you can only experience by doing, not by watching. You might be a quick riser in this division. I can see that in you after just one match. Clearly, with you being in this sort of match, the company itself might be seeing that in you. But the question that this match may answer in the long run is that when you get that hot shot up the ladder and you’re suddenly finding yourself in a situation where you have to step the fuck up more than you could ever imagine before, are you actually going to make that leap and prove all the hype correct or are you going to be like so many others that have crumbled and collapsed and then are never heard from again? Yeah, I haven’t been perfect. I’ve had my stumbles and falls. I’ve had two very unsatisfying world title reigns that ended quicker than I wanted them to end and overall, I haven’t broken the ceiling that I wanted to here, I will own that shit to kingdom come.

But at the same time, I’ve STILL made something out of nothing many times. I’m STILL that woman that when she was at rock bottom, went 16 months without losing a match and still captured an Internet Championship. I’m that woman that, while she was still finding her feet again in this company… and to be honest, I still am… managed to beat Kayla Richards for the world title. Yeah, like I said, that reign didn’t go how I wanted it to go, but at the same time? I’ve DONE all that while I’m dealing with the shit that I’ve been dealing with. I stand to reason that aside from maybe Crystal Hilton and Mercedes Vargas, no woman in recent memory of this company has been scrutinized, criticized, and slandered more than I have been throughout the entire time that I’ve been here and even though yes, it HAS brought me down more times than I can count, I STILL pull through all of that toxic poison I’m surrounded by. That’s what gives me the biggest edge over someone like you.

You’re impressive, yes.

You have a bright future here if you want it, sure.

But let’s see what happens when the wolves come out for you eventually just like they have from me in this company going all the way back to my second match here…

One of those wolves happen to be the OTHER opponent…”

I rolled my eyes obviously feeling annoyed about the fact that Kate Steele had become a cockroach of the Bombshells division at this point.

“...more like a Pomeranian if we’re being honest. Lord, Kate Steele is back. Quick poll, is there anyone in this company that even WANTED Kate Steele back? Look Kate, I’m going to keep it very simple with you because you’re not complex to figure out at all. You never have been. You never will be. I know you have a history of just going whichever way the wind blows and even in recent times, that’s exactly what you’ve done. I mean, I’ve lost count. That’s how many comebacks that you’ve made in recent years under how many different names or monikers or identities or what have you? I mean, last I remember, you were DIAMOND Steele and you were on this Gemstones kick with Ruby and all those bitches  and you were all about the rock band and you were all about… well… truth be told, I don’t even know what you were really all about because you’ve changed personas faster than one can blink really and now you’re coming back as…

‘The Phoenix….”

You’ve GOT to be fucking kidding me…

I am NOT going to go the route of ‘you ripped me off, I used it first’ because truth be told, that’s not an original moniker. People used it in this business long before I did and people are going to continue to use it long after we’re both done, but are you fucking serious, Kate? Do you have an original bone in your body at all? Are you even CAPABLE of changing? Are you even CAPABLE of learning anything for any sort of personal growth at all? NO! Absolutely not. Matter of fact, calling yourself a phoenix is HIGHLY inaccurate because calling yourself a phoenix is insinuating that you’ve ever had ashes to rise from to begin with and it insinuates that you even had a high in this company to even be burned to ashes at all and last I checked Kate… you’ve never been a world champion in SCW and the last time that you were even CLOSE to ANY sort of high at all was… when, exactly? You can change your name, change your moniker and change your lock all you want to Kate, but you will NEVER be anything more, to me anyway, as the woman that just can’t get the fuck out of her own way and goes in endless cycles with nothing original to ever bring forth to the table. You’re always going to be the woman that has been here the longest and yet, has never won the big one in this company because of always getting in her own way. You’re the type of person that has always talked shit about someone one week and then the next, you’re kissing their ass or sometimes, it’s even the other way around.

Once a mental mess, always a mental mess! Now, this is where I COULD bring up things that took place between us years ago or how you were one of the people years ago that were rooting for me to fail and how you were one of the most toxic people that I dealt with back then, but what good does that do me? For one, I got it out of my system last year on the cruise ship when I beat you in a triple threat match and secondly, you’re not even worth getting worked up about anymore. I was dumb and naive enough to let someone like you bother me with the garbage they were saying about me a long time ago but now? You mean absolutely nothing to me. You’ve done nothing over the last however long it’s been to even warrant any sort of emotion from me. You’re someone that a year from now is going to have either a different moniker or a different name if not both because… well… let’s be straight up… you’re a miserable, self-loathing cunt that has never pulled her head out of her own ass to see the truth and never will. So, when I beat you on Sunday, you better have your next moniker lined up. If I could make a suggestion, maybe it should be… hmmm…. “The Straitjacket Queen”?

Because really… it’s getting to a point where the only place with more than two sides you should be in is that padded room with how often you change everything about you to try to be relevant, then fail, then change again to try to be relevant and… fuck it, you’re not worth another second.

I wasted no time shutting off the camera at this point.

“Some would say that professional wrestling can be quite cruel…”

It was a unique experience for me standing in front of some young wrestling students who all wanted to be successful in the business. Myra Rivers’s wrestling students were those that I found to be a very impressionable and astute bunch. Most were eager but I quickly noticed a young lady near the back that seemed pretty tentative about what I just said.

“Trust me, I would know. I dealt with it five years ago at its worst, during my first run in SCW…”

It was definitely a happy feeling within me knowing that I could bring this up now without feeling sad or depressed in any fashion.

“...when, because of one bully that should’ve never fucking mattered, I spiraled into a darkness that I would be stuck in for two years… most likely three. I gave her power over me over some empty, stupid words that most of you in this room would be able to overcome. I allowed someone who I should’ve never allowed to matter, to define my wrestling journey and it would be the biggest mistake of my entire career. When I first lost the title to that woman, I felt like I proved her empty words right. I felt cornered, helpless, useless and after my father died, I failed to win a match for him that Father’s Day, losing to two women who ALSO should’ve never mattered… especially Crystal Hilton, then I failed to regain the title from the aforementioned bully, I felt like I was never going to get out ot it…”

I paused for a bit, knowing this next part was going to be hard.

“...and I compensated by becoming something I’m not and I will never be again.”

I took a pause to hear some whispers among the students, one of them even remarking that SCW’s locker room culture among the Bombshells was toxic.

“To be FAIR, the culture is much improved now than it was 5 years ago but you still have your occasional cancers that come in and bring down the vibe and are in it for themselves and you see that generally around the time when we do the Blast from the Past tournament and they come back for a cheap road back to the glory they are desperate to attain again.”

“So considering all that you’ve ever been through and what you’re describing with the culture, why are you even there?”

Myra’s students find themselves surprised by the remark that the tentative young lady in the back just made. I, however, wasn’t fazed as I addressed her.

“And your name is???”

“Jenna. Before I came here, I watched everything that you just described as it played out on my streaming service and it was easy to tell that during your first run, you were heavily suffering. I’m surprised you even went back at all.”

I took the question in stride before I responded.

“Jenna, SCW is a microcosm of a majority of this business, if not society today, you know? Cancers and poisons will never fade away in that company or any other. I want to be a positive force for change in that locker room. I don’t want Latinas to be ashamed of watching SCW because of Crystal Hilton’s existence or women like us to get discouraged because you have women that are in it for themselves and set such an awful example, or people your age getting discouraged when someone like Cassie Wolfe as an example, come in and struggle so much out of the gate when they first arrive because they may have jumped too soon.”

“So you’re there now because you want to be different from the status quo…” Jenna realizes.

“Exactly. There’s too much poison and drama in this business and I want to do the best that I can do to alleviate that if not change it completely. I made the mistake five years ago of allowing the empty words of others and the death of my father to swallow me whole and I would NEVER want the same thing to happen to anyone else and I WON’T let that happen to anyone else if I can help it. THAT’S why I do what I do!”

“Amen…” a male student says and what I just said brought cheers out of the audience in front of me, but I was caught off guard by Jenna starting to seem quite emotional.

“Are you okay, Jenna?” I asked.

“It’s just… my mother died of breast cancer six months ago and ever since then, my Indy experience has been really bad. It’s not so much losing more matches than winning, it’s most of my opponents being cruel about my mom ranging from things like ‘you keep letting her down’ to thinks like ‘she wasted her life raising you’. So, I can really relate to what you’ve been through…

“Guys, let me sit down with her for a little bit?”

There were some sighs and nods of understandings as everyone but Jenna left the room. I went to sit down next to her and be an ear to her.

“As someone that has been through what you’ve been through… though the bully I dealt with didn’t come after my dad’s death like that… I feel your pain and it angers me that people are like that in this business.”

“I get tormented constantly by all these people using my mom’s death against me and acting like I’m weak for not being over it…” Jenna added as she had to wipe away a tear. I’ve been told that I’m never going to make it. They’re all acting like I’m doomed to wrestle in other people’s backyards for five to seven dollars a match…”

“Wait, that’s what you’ve been doing? Backyard companies? Not even a real Indy promotion?”

“Yeah…”

“Oh Jenna, those places? With all due respect to the people that haul ass, there’s a reason why most people don’t go beyond Indy from those places. They’re tearing other people down just to get ahead or to make others feel better about themselves and if they DO progress to a global stage, they NEVER lose that trait. They’re not worth it! Have you tried to contact a real Indy booker? Anything?”

“No… I’m too worried about rejection. If I’m struggling in the ‘backyard’ scene…”

“Listen, you don’t need to go down that rabbit hole any further. You’re exactly the kind of person that I do what I do for now and exactly the kind of person I want to uplift and inspire to do great things for. Come to Into the Void with me, okay? I’ll sponsor you. I’ll get you some good hook ups to get started on the Indy scene and I’ll get you out of your situation.”

Jenna was shocked and overjoyed at the same time to hear what I just said.

“Wait… SERIOUSLY?”

I nodded.

“I’ll take you under my wing in my spare time and I’ll do for you what Myra did for me… well… after GCW, but you get the idea.”

“Oh my god, you don’t have to!” she exclaimed with joy.

“I WANT to, Jenna!”

Jenna practically leaped into my arms and gave me the biggest hug ever and I responded quickly enough to return it.

“I got you, okay? I’m not letting you suffer what I suffered five years ago and I’m sure as hell not going to let you become what I used to be.”

“Thank you! Seriously! You don’t know how much this means to me.”

“We start tomorrow, alright?”

Jenna nodded as we stood up and began to leave. Myra Rivers was standing by the door having heard the whole thing. She smiled at me and didn’t say a word, but I knew she was proud of me for what I had just done.

“I get it now…” I told her as Jenna and I left the room.

It was a hell of a feeling knowing I was taking someone under my wing for the first time and being a direct role model to someone.

My hope of course, is that come Into the Void, I can REALLY give the young lady a hell of a spiritual boost.

May 22, 2025

I was going down the elevator in my hotel trying to make my way to the lobby. Once the elevator opened, I was focused on walking out and finding a nearby place to eat for dinner, but Roddy came in and I was completely shocked. He saw me and I was feeling this guilty pit in my stomach knowing that things were definitely awkward between us after I kicked him out of my home and wouldn’t listen to him try to get through to me after my meltdown after Blaze of Glory.

This is the first time I’ve seen him since.

“Andrea…”

“I wasn’t expecting you to be here all things considered.”

“I wouldn’t miss this even though the last time we talked, you really went too far and too stubborn to really have any common sense to be honest…”

I was at a loss for words not knowing what to say at this point because I was too overwhelmed with guilt… especially as I thought back to that conversation that we had and I was just far too irrational.

“I was thinking that you hated me and that you were just going to start treating me like I did when we were kids.”

“I would NEVER treat you like that again, Andrea…” Roddy said with a sigh. “...how can you even think that?”

“I was just being overprotective of myself and I actually thought, in that conversation, that you were going to ‘show your true colors’ and be mean to me again and start running me down like you used to in the past. Honestly, that was very stupid of me to think that…”

“It’s not, Andrea. I get it. I have nobody to blame but myself for that and you were letting that chamber get to you a little too much to the point where you snapped back to a mentality you’ve worked so hard to break free from.”

“Either way, it was no excuse for you to treat you like that and I am very sorry. You were just trying to help me just like you’re trying to help me now by being here for me even though I did treat you that way and I appreciate that more than I could ever put into words at this point.”

Roddy put his hand on my shoulder understanding me in every way.

“I’m not only here to watch you beat Kayla and settle the score with her for good, but I’m also here to make sure that if worse comes to worse, you don’t spiral again.”

I scoffed at this.

“No, that’s not going to happen again. Really! I mean it this time. You were absolutely right about me when you said that I wasn’t seeing the special person that I can be. But, I’m starting to see it now because I’ve gained a whole new perspective on so many things that I don’t really know where to start.”

“Really?” he said, looking intrigued and perhaps impressed that I was able to come around so quickly. “What changed between our last conversation and now?”

“I met this girl…” I said with a sigh referring to Jenna back at Myra’s wrestling school. “She’s one of Myra’s students and from what I saw, she has tons of potential but little confidence in herself. So much of that has to do with the fact that the people she has encountered when she gets gigs often put her down and use her mom’s recent breast cancer death against her.”

“That’s fucked up…” Roddy says, before he comes to realize something. “Shit, she reminds me of…”

“Me…” I said without so much a thought. “She’s basically a mirror image of me in many ways. Knowing that, I realize that for as bad as I THOUGHT I had it after the chamber, it’s nothing close to what others are going through and nothing close to what I went through five years ago. It shook up my perspective so much in a good way and I decided I wanted to help her and be that light in this business. Someone like her is worth sponsoring and worth inspiring and fighting for so I took her under my wing and everything.”

Roddy didn’t know what to say, but I knew that he was definitely intrigued by this.

“After I met her, I’m really seeing things from a new perspective now”

“That Hall of Fame induction in GCW helped, didn’t it?”

“It helped me move past things and to come to the perspective that I have now, yeah. Myra apologizing for all the GCW madness did too but after all of it, I go into this rematch with Kayla knowing that even if worse comes to worse, there won’t be a meltdown. There won’t be any relapse back to what I was. I won’t be beating myself up and being haunted by failure and I won’t be having nightmares about Dad coming to me and telling me that I disappointed him. I’ll never lose sight of my destiny no matter what happens on Sunday and I go into this knowing who I am meant to be in this business. The locker room in SCW might be full of poison sometimes and the way some carry themselves is beyond me, but I’m not going to feed into that again. I’ll be different. I’ll be better than all of that. I’m not going to force people to change who they are because that’s not my place…”

“But being what YOU are and counteracting all of that…”

“Exactly…” I said with confidence.

Roddy was smirking at this point and I could tell things were going so much better than they were the last time we encountered each other.

“That’s the kind of mindset you should be developing, Andrea. I’m proud of you for developing it because that’s exactly the mindset that you’ll need and it will be MORE than enough to break the parallels between your two runs you were so worried about.”

“What parallels?” I asked with a sarcastic scoff. “I’m done comparing both runs at this point. It’s not going to do me any good. I just need to focus on the moment and not get so caught up in all that shit.”

“You’re doing the right thing, Andrea…” he said as we both hugged each other. “With this mindset, you’ll never have to even worry about experiencing that old darkness again. You’ve truly changed and grown and no match outcome, Sunday or otherwise, is going to dictate otherwise.”

“I’ve fallen into that hole for the last time, I promise you that…” I said with confidence as we left the hotel together. We continued to have our conversation and started to catch up more over dinner and I had the most freeing feeling in the world knowing that I never had to worry about that horrible, internal darkness and that cruel past from five years ago ever again.

May 23, 2025 (Arc de Triomphe)

I was standing underneath Paris’s world famous military monument that dated back to the Napoleonic era of France. It was definitely a bit chilling, but in a good way. I definitely felt like I was a little more powerful here and that strength and conviction was flowing through me as I began to express my thoughts.

“If I had to pick one landmark in Paris to come to, it’s this one. This memorial of sorts is to honor those brave souls that have fought for this country in some famous wars and revolutions. For the people of Paris, this place represents the strength and resilience of this city, if not this entire country and that’s why it’s so fitting for me to be here because I went from that downtrodden girl trapped in the darkness five years ago to a much stronger woman who is only starting to learn her own strength, starting to realize how special she is, and starting to recognize her own resiliency. The night I won the championship from you, Kayla, I proved to myself how resilient I could be. I showed that I could find strength in the midst of that brutal loss at High Stakes going the way I did and I know that while it won’t be easy, I am absolutely going to have to do it again. I WILL do it again! But first, allow me to say you’re welcome for giving you the rivalry you always wanted. I suppose that’s what I gave you in return for how wrestling against you over these last few months has shown me that strength and resilience. Those are the two things that continue to push me forward and WILL continue to push me forward no matter what happens on Sunday. I have learned quite a bit, granted still learning, how to care less about how other people see me. I am who I am. I do what I do. I say what I say. I know not everyone’s going to like me. I know that some people think I’m fake or that I haven’t changed from the past.

That’s okay.

I’m learning how to be far less obsessed with my own image than I used to be because I have the strength and the resilience to see past that. YOU have it too, Kayla. It’s just too bad that you don’t actually use it and that’s something that has held you back before and has caused you to fall short in a handful of big matches in the past. It honestly SUCKS seeing a wrestler of your caliber talking about how people might view you as a monster and a bully because of your match with Harper Mason. I don’t understand why you continue to do this to yourself. I get it because I used to care so much about that and to an extent, I STILL do because I’ll be the first to admit that it’s a work in progress, but why? I’m not calling you a bully or a monster. As you know, I’ve never gone out of my way to tear you down or root for you to fail. I’m not going to condone what you did to Harper, but I’m not going to condemn it either because I GET that you were going through some frustrations with the mixed tag title situation. HOWEVER, I AM going to say that it’s further proof positive that you can’t control your own temper and at times, you get in your own way. I don’t know if it’s a lack of self-awareness or feeling like showing some compassion every now and then makes you ‘weak’, or what it is.

But the truth of the matter is, I know I am going to beat you because you have the same issue that I once had in spades during my first time here and that issue is being in your own way and holding yourself back from your fullest potential at the worst time. It speaks to how fucking good you are because of what you’ve accomplished in SPITE of yourself, but have you EVER considered sitting down and thinking about what you could accomplish once you learn to fully get out of your own way? I worry about you because I feel like you’re driving yourself crazy, thinking that letting up for even a second is going to result in you losing a match. As much as we are competitors, we’re also human, Kayla. You and I share a lot more agreements on certain things in this business and I’m even willing to go as far as saying that we’re both the same level of bold that just might make people look at us and even have a bit of bitterness toward us because of how long we’ve shared the main event spotlight. I won’t disagree with your points about acknowledging losses and working hard to become better from then especially considering my own journey. Like I said, we don’t differ on much but where we differ is our approach…

I strive to be better every day, every match, and I stove to stare adversity in the face and make it my bitch again and again just like you do, but the difference is, I don’t make it a borderline obsession like I feel that you do sometimes. I don’t take it to the point where I have to be better than everyone nor do I take it to the point where I have to viciously call people out by name… well… I guess Crystal might be an exception but I digress…

I don’t take it to the level where I’m calling out how people are rooting for me to fail. You don’t see how fast you can self-destruct from that because your relative dominance and your perennial victories where it matters the most are making you far less aware of that when you need to be. Acknowledging your losses is one thing, and I understand that and I am completely professional when it comes to that even though I don’t spend my time on Twitter talking about every single match that I wrestle in. But acknowledging your shortcomings and your weaknesses? It takes a STRONGER, RESILIENT human being to do that and Kayla, while you acknowledge where you fall short in a match and where you strive to be better from that and while all of that IS admirable and I can respect that in a way, I don’t recall a time where you’ve acknowledged your weaknesses. I don’t remember you acknowledging how short your fuse can be at times in the worst situations. I don’t remember ever hearing you admit that the constant acknowledging of what other people say about you or what other people MIGHT be saying about you in private like it’s some obscene obsession is a weakness of yours. You do you, I’m not judging, but how can you truly be better as a wrestler or even as a person when you don’t acknowledge your weaknesses? I’ve poured my heart out regarding some of mine during this months long rivalry of ours. I’ve acknowledged where I’ve fucked up in past encounters. I OWN the fact that after the chamber, I had that moment of weakness where I felt like I was about to spiral again just because I became too obsessed with comparing my runs to each other and feeling like going for a one on one rematch ‘might’ result in the same old pattern again.

I OWN that, and I OWN that it’s not the way to think.

What I WON’T own, though, is a lie or a lack of judgment in character.

Such as this conspiracy about how I pulled this underhanded trick to get a rematch and that if you didn’t, I’d be talking about how you’re scared of me?”

I paused for a bit as I reflected upon what I just mentioned. The old me from years ago would’ve been ultra defensive, up in her feelings and wanting to tear down Kayla in anger for that. But the more mature version of myself that I’ve become couldn’t even feel any anger at all, just pity.

“I get it. I’m not necessarily someone that holds back on my words, but after all this time that we’ve had dealing with each other, you should know me SO much better than that. How in the world would you even THINK that I would do such a thing when I’m one of the few people in this division that has never torn you down? What would I accomplish by doing that? Last I checked, I was owed a rematch just like you were after I beat you. Correct? Maybe you didn’t like the way I worded it, but don’t you find it ironic that you’re over there worrying so much about what other people think of you and how people root for you to fail and how people are going to slander you and say all this untrue shit about you yet you go out there and make this outrageous, scandalous accusation about me? I’ve ALWAYS known that you’re not scared of me. You’re the one that went and tried to get a rematch with me after High Stakes. You’re the one that decided to go against the odds to win the title back against me in the chamber. I KNOW better… and so should you. I’m not ANGRY or anything, but I really pity you for taking one speech about how I want that rematch that I was owed the way you wanted yours after Inception and you twisted and turned it into something it wasn’t even CLOSE to! I’m so sorry that you felt the need to go that far and that’s all I have to say about that.

And where do you get off about Blaze of Glory?

Oh right, because I’m not all over social media talking about it and because I choose to focus on my own psychological well being, I’m DISSING you and DISRESPECTING what you accomplished and then it leads into all these other adjectives you used to describe me that I could REALLY get into but I know SO much better now than to even give them the time of day because if I DID give them the time of day, then I’d just be doing the same thing that you like to do with worrying about other people perceive you. You have your opinions of me. You have the right to interpret my words, actions, tweets, appearances, and so forth however you like. That’s fine. I’m not going to hold it against you because for my own sake, it’s not fucking worth it. Your interpretation of things as far as they pertain to me is honestly, not my problem but what I AM going to say about that is that by going off on that tangent about stretched truths and taking things personally and just pulling stuff out of thin air like that is that it falls right in line to what I’ve BEEN saying for months about how you give far too much of a fuck about how other people perceive you to the point where the most INNOCENT fucking thing like social media silence as an example, is “disrespectful”.

The person that I was years ago would’ve been so god damned angry and gotten thrown off her game and basically just given you the damn match. Hell, that person probably would’ve been hell bent on proving you wrong and proving those words… those OPINIONS… wrong. What you said about me? They’re all opinions. They’re all your interpretations. But they’re not my truth because one thing you HAVE to learn as a champion in any profession, wrestling or not, sports or not… hell, it’s a general fact of a successful life no matter what field you’re a part of… is that only YOUR truth about YOU is the truth that actually fucking matters and if there is ONE thing you HAVEN’T done in your career… at least in MY interpretation anyway… is grasp the damn concept. If you were so damn confident in your own truth about yourself, you wouldn’t feel the need to preach it seemingly every time you turn the camera on and shove it down the throat here and there and you sure as hell wouldn’t be trying to stretch things the way you clearly did with me.

But ultimately? I’m not angry with you for saying those things not just because I have learned to be secure and confident in my own truth, my beliefs, my journey that not ONE person in this company, whether it’s you, Crystal, Victoria, Hall of Fame members no longer on this roster, or anyone else I’ve come across or will come across, but because honestly what I feel for you after hearing you say those things is pity. How can someone who has been as dominant and successful and on a higher tier such as you be THAT blinded to your own weaknesses and so blinded by your attitude that you can never be satisfied with anything and that you can never be happy within your own heart and soul? Do you lack a sense of belief in yourself THAT strongly that everything and anything that isn’t perceived your way is perceived as a slight?

It’s too bad if that’s truly the case because in an alternate timeline, we might even be tag partners, allies or friends considering we share so many similar views about this company and the business as a whole. But I want you to know that despite it all, I don’t hate you and I never will. I’m not going to be angry with you regardless of what happens on Sunday and regardless? I’ll always carry some respect for you as a competitor even though as a person, I may not agree with your method to your madness.

But with how resilient I’ve been before and will be again on Sunday, and knowing that all I have to do is make you doubt yourself at JUST the right moment along with building the strongest belief in myself that I’ve ever had and STILL building…

That in heart and in mind, I AM stronger… and that advantage in strength WILL bring me to victory to close out the final chapter of the first of god knows how many books our rivalry will have in the end.”

I took a deep breath feeling super proud of myself that I stuck to my guns, even in the face of Kayla’s words before I turned off the camera.

Last Monday…

“I was annoyed that I even had to wrestle her at all…”

I sighed as I was back in the hotel room in Amsterdam talking to my brother Eddie and her two daughters, Isabella and Arianna, ages 12 and 9 respectively. Crystal Hilton was definitely a bad taste from my prior SCW run that I had been wanting to get out of my mouth for a long time, but it seems as though that woman seems to always cross my path.

“I’m trying to just break away from that first run and trying to change things from then and then I get thrown into a match with her. Again. I’ve beaten her 8 times out of 11 that I’ve faced her. This is beyond ridiculous now. Remember how this whole thing started, Eddie? With her fangirling over me like an obsessed stalker, walking up to me unsolicited with a picture of our fathers and saying ‘look, they knew each other?’

“That was cringe and our father didn’t even like the guy.”

“That tracks…” I said with a scoff. “I’m just sick and tired of her period for all the intrusions that she has made. When I was down and out of it 5 years ago, she snuck in again. There were even a couple of other promotions where we crossed paths and she wouldn’t leave me alone. I swear, every time I even have to THINK about the woman, it just irks the shit out of me, Eddie. When I said what I said about her CTE kicking in and her pulling a gun on me because I wouldn’t be her friend, I wasn’t joking….”

My nieces’ eyes widened when I said that and Eddie caught on.

“Not in front of the girls, Andrea. Yeah, I understand that you weren’t joking. That woman needs serious psychological help. But don’t worry to much about her. It’s over. You beat her yet again. You won’t have to even think about her until the next time SCW decides to book her against you. I’ll be honest, it probably won’t stop until you reach double digit wins against her…”

“Oy vey…” i said with a sigh and and eye roll.

“It’s okay, aunt Andrea. You’ve got a world title to win back” Isabella remarked. For once, I can at least have a lighter mood. “...wait, who are you talking about just now?”

“Crystal Hilton”

“Who?” Arianna asks.

“See? My daughters don’t even know who that is. Shouldn’t that tell you something about what I just said?”

“Daddy, who are you guys talking about?” Arianna asks again.

“The girl in SCW that changes her name all the time, sweetheart.”

“OOOOOOOOH….” both of my nieces say.

“That crazy one…” Isabella says with a sigh of her own. “Your stalker…”

“Yeah, that’s basically it. Look, I know you two want to be wrestlers when you get older and I am touched that you’re both inspired by me don’t get me wrong. You’re obviously way too young to start any sort of wrestling training, but that doesn’t mean I can’t teach you two something now. I mean… if it’s okay with your dad?”

“That depends, what are you trying to teach them?”

“What NOT to do in professional wrestling, clearly. I mean, if I’m going to make something good happen out of dealing with that woman, I might as well pass on some type of knowledge to them. It’ll at least make them know more about the business than others when they actually start doing this.”

Eddie had to think about it, but he seemed receptive to the idea.

“Fine…” he said as he shrugged and I reached into my purse to pull out my phone.

“I want to support both of you in your dreams no matter what and I think what I’m about to show you will help…” I paused as my nieces gathered around. I accessed Twitter and bore the brunt of the cringe of even finding Crystal Hilton’s Twitter which I had blocked from my own. “...if and when you girls end up breaking into the business in your own right… like… 10 years from now or so I think. We’ll see. The first thing that you absolutely cannot and will not do is be… THIS nutcase of a person…”

Their eyes widened for a bit before I revealed to them the tweet where she had the nerve to call herself “the best Latina in wrestling”. Eddie even snuck in to look at it.

“My god…” he said as he shook his head. “...what in the name in all that his holy is she thinking?”

“That’s so embarrassing…” Isabella says. “...now I get why you never wanted anything to do with her and why you were so mad lately.”

“This is also why, when I returned to SCW, I wanted everything to be different. I wanted to throw away the past and especially the worst parts of it and there’s no hiding the fact that she was one of them. I wish all the weird coincidences and how things are playing out the same in a lot of chapters would go away and all of that, but it’s no surprise that my second run is way more relaxing and stress-free than my first run when I actually have the damn spine to tell her to get the hell out of my life.”

“We’ll never be like her, Andrea…” Isabella promised me.

“I hate her, aunt Andrea…” Arianna added. “She’s my least favorite wrestler.”

“I won’t let either of you come close, I promise that. You know I will always be there for my own family…”

With that, I got a reminder of my previous conversation with Roddy and how horribly I treated him. With all the discussion about coincidences, parallels and things that have been playing out the same, he clearly saw the worst of me at the worst time and I definitely know in my heart that I wasn’t there with him or for him when he was trying to help me.

“...which reminds me, I feel awful about how I treated your uncle…”

“Roddy’s not mad at you, Andrea…” Eddie said to me. “...he was frustrated that you were being stubborn and that you were focusing too much on how things were supposedly playing out the same.”\

“It wasn’t my finest moment because I was stuck on something so stupid. I became far too obsessed with the same patterns playing out and how supposedly it made me destined to lose to Kayla again just like I did when I had my rematch with Evie all those years ago to even try to listen to him and to treat him like that and to kick him out of my house when he was just trying to help me and after everything he’d done for me, it was stupid of me.”

My guilt was creeping in as Eddie put an arm around me.

“Hey, it’s alright. You’ll have to make it up to him and mend that fence but the fact that you rejected Crystal so openly since you went back is way more than enough to change the story the second time around and you’re going to do that AGAIN when you beat your ACTUAL rival in Sin City Wrestling and THEN go on to have that fulfilling world title reign you’ve always wanted.”

I could only help but smile for a bit and feel amazingly hopeful about what was to come after hearing that and coming to the realization that I had already ‘changed the story’ as he put it and was stressing for nothing.

“Thank you for bringing that to light. Roddy was right. I need to start to really embrace who I am and my best qualities and to be the best example to our family that I can be…”

I looked off into the distance to see my nieces who were now preoccupied with a game they were playing on my brother’s phone and just knowing that I had someone to be a role model for was enough to keep myself grounded.

“...especially them, considering they want to follow in my footsteps.”

Eddie assured me that I’d be more than okay before our conversation shifted to other matters as I knew it was time for me to take Roddy’s advice and embrace that ‘special person’ he says I have all the potential in the world to become.

The next day…

Myra Rivers and I had to get back to Canada by Thursday for another wrestling engagement we’re both part of, but for now, she and I were in the middle of a conversation about our families and how things were going before the air got a little heavier with Myra bringing up the next subject…

“How did your family take the GCW Hall of Fame induction, Andrea?”

That induction was still fresh in my mind and while I was reluctant about it at first, I had come around on it and felt like I had gone through some form of therapy to move past the harsh beginnings of my career.

“They were proud of me although they did note that there was at least one more on the way at some point, namely SCW. Understandably, they didn’t want to be at the GCW one largely because it was a faction and not me, you know?”

“I completely understand and I’m so proud of you for being able to face a horrible beginning to your mainstream career that I am very much responsible for and subsequently overcome all of that to become the wrestler that you are today.”

“Thank you…”

“I do need you to get something through your head though and I know this is out of the norm for you but if you really want a different ending for yourself in SCW and for things to go much different than the first time around, because I know that’s been a big deal for you lately, it all starts with your attitude. The fact is, Andrea, I know you don’t want to admit it to yourself, but you’re one of the best wrestlers in the world know and you need to start believing that…”

I sighed at this knowing the dangers of such an action.

“Did you NOT see the…”

“This isn’t about her, this is about you. You’re the wrestler that is basically my lasting legacy in this business, you know that right?”

“Well… Chelsea too but…”

“Chelsea has had a phenomenal career in her own right, but I see me a lot more in you. My fiance asked me if there was one person that I would unequivocally pass the torch to and basically say that they’re my ‘successor’ of sorts, and I said you without hesitation at all. I’m not telling you to be EXACTLY like me but I see so much of my own best qualities in you and I think what really holds you back in SCW sometimes is that you don’t see your own strength.”

“Look Myra, I’m flattered okay…” I began while I was still feeling a little bit confused. “...but how do you know that it’s me? How do you know it’s not Chelsea or someone else that you’ve mentored in the past?”

“You went through a rough upbringing like I did. You had someone abusive in your family like I did tell you that you wouldn’t amount to anything and you proved him wrong, you’ve proven many people wrong over the years including me and even through the darkest times you’ve ever had in your career, you still came out of it a stronger, better person. The darkness you went through during your first SCW run is no different then the one I went through in GCW when I was torturing and abusing the hell out of you on a psychological level. Like me, you have learned how to prevent the adversity you face from defining who you are in a negative fashion. Most importantly, you have a true love for this business and this insane ability to want to do proud by the people you care about. Every single quality I just mentioned, you are top of the line for that!”

I was still floored with some shock, though I didn’t know whether the bigger shock was the compliments I was receiving or the fact that they were coming from Myra. Either way, she wasn’t done yet.

“You really are a once in a generation wrestler…” Myra admitted to my further shock. “Of all the people I’ve ever wrestled with, you’ve got the biggest heart I’ve seen in all my years. You almost have to have that to overcome all the shit you had to deal with from five years ago and through most of your first run in SCW. You’re everything your father could’ve ever wanted as a daughter.

“Okay okay, I don’t need to start crying over here…” I said as I held back the happy tears that were forming in my eyes. “You don’t really mean that to the extent that you’re putting it, surely.”

“Come off it, Andrea. You need to take the last steps you need to realize it, believe in it, and be the best version of yourself and see that it’s all true and that you’re worthy of all of that praise. If anything, you’re one of the few bright spots in that locker room, if you know what I mean.”

“Trust me, I know. I was never going to return to SCW unless I learned how to filter out the toxicity I dealt with before. The attitudes of many in the Bombshells division could really weigh down even the most bright eyed, bubbly positive person on the planet.”

“I’m glad you did, Andrea and you have a hell of a story to tell to some young wrestlers looking to catch their break. In fact, why don’t you swing by my school in Miami for a day and meet some of the students I’m working with? I’m sure they’d be thrilled to meet you and I feel like you can be one of the best examples for those impressionable kids. You have so much knowledge to give…”

I was very much touched in the heart by Myra offering me this unforeseen opportunity. Deep down, I doubted it initially, but when I thought about it, I knew she was right. I felt like I had enough stories growing up in the business and eventually becoming part of it myself that I could fill a book.

“I’ll take you up on that, Myra…” I said, overcoming my initial doubts and surprised feelings. “...you’re right. I have so much more to give to this business, especially since my nieces want to be wrestlers and I can agree that I’m a bright spot even being surrounded by things that aren’t so bright and positive at times.”

“Great! Keep up that attitude and I’ll see you there, alright?”

“Alright and thank you for your kind words.”

Myra and I embraced each other before she left me alone and suddenly, I was beginning to feel like I was growing a new purpose with my career…

May 17

When the camera came on me, I wasn’t exactly sure how I was going to approach things. All I knew is that I was still stinging a bit from the chamber and I was still carrying some anger in me. But, the recent conversations I’ve had over the last week and with Roddy trying to tell me to start buying into myself better surely had me thinking. I knew that with this match coming up at Into the Void that my back was against the wall and that this was potentially my last crack at the world title. However, I wasn’t feeling the pressure at all. Even with all the Blaze of Glory anger, I was still feeling great. Maybe it’s that ‘growing new purpose’ I haven’t figured out yet.

“I’ve had my share of possible rivalries since I started here many years ago. I’ve had familiar opponents that fans may consider rivals of mine: names like Seleana, Jessie, Mercedes and unfortunately that woman I just beat last Sunday even though that story between us is now over. But Kayla Richards has to be up there now, maybe even the biggest one. I picked the worst possible time to beat her when I did so before a scheduled elimination chamber match and yes, I was frustrated, and yes, I felt like I wanted to just hide in a corner somewhere immediately after the fact. This whole thing with Kayla has been a roller coaster. Hell, this whole thing ever since I came back to this company has been that and yet, through it all, I have truly learned about who the hell I am a lot more than I ever could’ve during my first run here. Yes, just like I was at Inception, I have my back against the wall. Yes, a loss would mean that this would be my last shot just like Inception would’ve been had I lost then. But you don’t see me cracking. You don’t see me wanting to give up. You don’t see me on the edge like I used to be god knows how many times all those years ago. The last time that I was in this situation, I WON! I KNOW I can beat you Kayla considering that I’ve done it before. I hate that the last supercard even HAD to have other people involved considering that you and I both knew that it was going to come down to the two of us the entire time and even I, the more humble of the both of us… relatively speaking considering we’re both prideful bitches… would say that it was a damn waste of time for both of us to even have to DEAL with four other women…

But that was the hand that was dealt… and the cards didn’t go my way on that one.

And I know going in, that the outcome could turn out the same, but you’re not going to find me thinking about that too much. You see, as my father would always tell me, in this business, you can choose to be a victim or you can choose to be a champion and five years ago, after I lost the world title the first time, I chose the former and the rest is history. It didn’t turn out so well for me because I let the poison and the toxic bullshit get to me the rest of my time there. I have stood up to you and I have challenged you and I have pushed you harder than anyone you have ever faced in this company. I know you’ve had your battles with the likes of Julianna, Melissa, Calaway in the mixed tag more than anyone, and so on, but NOBODY has pushed you to the brink more than I have. I am probably the ONLY one that knows what it takes to push you to that desperate point because that’s exactly the point you were in come the Chamber a couple of months back. I know what makes you tick more than anyone else and I know that should I beat you again and claim that championship from you, you’re going to be questioning things a LOT. You’re not going to question yourself, but you’re going to be questioning what’s next. But if you think I am going to come in desperate, no. That’s not going to happen. I’ve learned for a long time now. In the past, I used to talk about how certain people treated me the way they did or how certain people wouldn’t leave me alone or how certain people would lie about me thinking I wasn’t going to hear what they had to say.

But the truth is, I’ve been my own worst enemy here more than anyone else and I own that shit. I’m not PROUD of it. But I want you to know that despite the rivalry that we’ve had, I’ve never had any animosity or bitterness toward you at all. You’ve never wronged me. You’ve never put me down. You’ve even surprised me in some ways because you’ve treated me better than I think you might. When this thing first started at High Stakes, I went into it thinking that I was in for a tearing down that I had become familiar with during my first run here and yet, that didn’t happen. Maybe that’s what cost me then. I know part of it was being too tied up in the past. I know for a fact that what cost me at Blaze of Glory was being too caught up trying to change the narrative and the story about me that I already changed. I was so frantic at High Stakes, I was so anxious at Blaze of Glory, but Inception? When I knew I had nothing to lose and when I knew what I had to do to win, I executed it and I pulled through. This time around, being in that same situation? I know that all I have to do is buy ino to the wrestler that I know I am and that I am destined to be. I have to go in there and buy into the fact that I have grown into one of the best wrestlers in the world. I don’t say that to be cocky, though I understand why people might see it as such. But when you have the overall record that I do in this company and when you’ve done what I have, then yeah, I believe that I have every right to feel like I’m one of the best.

I don’t need anyone else to believe it but me, Kayla. You factor into it as a rival and probably the biggest obstacle that I’ve ever faced in my career, but a wrestler doesn’t beat someone like you if they aren’t among the best at what they do and I know in my heart, that’s exactly what I am. I am seeing it. I am believing it. I am buying into the fact that because of everything I have ever had to overcome just to get to where I am, I AM that bitch! I AM that wrestler! I AM someone that has worked her fucking wayt ot the top and is going to STAY at the top as long as she likes and I know for a fucking fact that I can break into that Hall of Fame, attain another few world championships and when it’s all said and done, I know my name is going to be there amongst the greatest that have ever been in this company as will yours one day and hell, we’re probably going to end up in the same Hall of Fame class. I am that girl that started straight from the bottom, abused and bullied by her own brother who at that time didn’t even want me to exist, only given the chance to be a wrestler because I was the only one that could keep my family’s tradition alive for a fifth generation, got abused FURTHER when she finally broke in by her own mentor just because she was insecure with herself and saw a piece of herself that she didn’t like about herself at the time, then cut her teeth in other companies before she came here…

I’m not saying it makes me any different or any more special than anyone else… but the roads I’ve traveled, the RACISM that I’ve dealt with even when I first started from people that have long ceased to exist in this business, the SEXISM I put up with in the company that I was in before I ever came here… it’s so much for ANYONE to handle and MOST wrestlers would’ve cracked and quit but I didn’t and I came here and the rest? Well that’s history. I rose up to the top of this company in 8 months when I got here and I crumbled and collapsed because I didn’t buy into what I was capable of as a wrestler at that time. Id idn’t embrace that because I allowed other bitches to dictate my destiny and I have reached that point where I’m DONE with that Kayla. You’re not out to dictate my destiny, I recognize that. But I’m going to make you fight like hell. You’ll have to dig into a primal part of your soul to put me away To retain that championship that you took from me at Blaze of Glory in that Chamber, you’re going to have to beat one of the very best that this division has ever had and fuck it, I’ll toot my own horn here because if I am going to buy in, I might as well go all in, you’re going to have to beat arguably the best Bombshell in Sin City Wrestling history that hasn’t been inducted into the Hall of Fame yet! Debate that, fight that, I don’t care. I’m finally going to buy in because I know what I am meant to be int his business now. I am done being that meek and timid little girl that felt like she doesn’t deserve what she’s gotten in her life and career just because people told her while growing up that she didn’t deserve anything!

I am done being the pushover I used to be all those years ago that allowed shallow bitches to dictate what her fate was going to be in this company. I’m done listening to other people. I focused a little too much on the empty words of someone like Mercedes going into the chamber match and that arguably didn’t help me either. To retain that championship, you’re going to have to beat the wrestler that didn’t fully buy into what she’s capable of until she crossed paths with you and that would be fucking ironic, would it not? I would’ve never come forward and discovered what I am truly capable of in this business if we never crossed paths whatsoever. If anything, that’s my big takeaway from all of this, Kayla. I know that regardless of what happens, we’re going to clash again in the future world title or not, but for the time being, knowing that my back’s against the wall and that this might be my last chance, I will be going in buying into what I truly am int his business., I’ll be going all out to get that title back and to have that reign that I’ve always wanted in my career KNOWING that there is going to be a point where you’re going to come back for that championship and I’ll be waiting for that if and when I have that reign that I am starving for at this point. Of all the wrestlers you’ve ever met here Kayla, you’ve never met anyone hungrier than me.

Notice though, that I haven’t said a bad word about you. Notice that I haven’t said a word about your attitude, or about how you conduct yourself, or anything like that. Notice that I’m not trying to tear you down or criticize you. What good will that do me, for one? And honestly, in this weird sort of way over the last few months, even though I may not FULLY agree with your method to madness, I’ve come to respect and even slightly admire it. I’ve grown to respect you far too much to want to do that to you. I may have said some harsh words in the past and I will own that with you, but I’ve never been stupid enough to just dismiss you and throw you away and then act as if you don’t matter or act as if you don’t deserve anything the way others have. I’ve never rooted for your failure the way others have and that’s what makes me different from your other opponents. That’s why I’ve been successful once before where many others have failed and that’s why at Into the Void, I will be successful yet again. I know what I am capable of and I know how strong and how successful I can be now more than any other time in my career and win or lose, I am not going to change that conviction. As I’ve said before, you can beat me, but you’re not going to kill me and you’re not going to get rid of me. I’ve become much stronger than ever. Wrestling against you has ultimately brought out probably the best in me as a wrestler up to this point even levels beyond what I knew I was even capable of. But ultimately? I’m coming out of this with my third world championship in this company not only because I’ve proven that I’m capable of it before, not only because I can, but because as I showed at Inception, I WILL. I’ll be embracing my full potential and my entire destiny at last by the time we clash once more and I will push forward one way or another but THE way I plan to push forward is by breaking the tie as that three time SCW Bombshells World Champion so few have had the privilege to attain.”

With that being said, I didn’t hesitate one bit before I went and shut the camera off. I sat by for a bit knowing that I had so much passion and fire in me and that I obviously had one more passionate promo in me before I carried on working to continue to embrace the wrestler and the woman I’ve always been destined to be.

3-30-2025

It was a week after the chamber and as I sat on a bench swing in my backyard, I wasn’t over it. I was still rather heartbroken by the outcome of it. I wasn’t the SCW Bombshells World Champion anymore and just like the first reign, I couldn’t even make it past one supercard with it. That really sucked worst of all and I was just at a loss being alone with my thoughts.

“What the hell could I have done better?” I asked myself in my mind. “I can’t help but feeling that this is completely unfair. I win the championship again after all these years and then I get thrown into a situation like that? Why does this keep happening to me? Why is every chapter of my second run playing out exactly like my first? That’s the worst part of all of it and I can’t seem to shake it. I’m tired of it and I just want things to be different for a change….”

I paused my thoughts and there was no question in my mind that my frustration and sullenness was completely overwhelming me. I wasn’t thinking straight. I was sifting through the chamber trying to figure out something. I was trying to find any part of that match, any piece of the puzzle, something that I missed, something that I did wrong. However, my frustration was growing when I realized that I couldn’t figure out anything.

“Are you doing any better?” I heard Roddy ask me as he came outside to sit next to me. I couldn’t even look at him considering how disappointed and heartbroken I still was and the moment he looked into my eyes, he realized that I was still in a bad way.

“What could I have done different, Roddy?” I asked him, drawing a sign from my oldest brother.

“Andrea, sometimes, you come across a situation where you do everything right, prepare for everything right, have the right mindset and all of that and it still doesn’t go your way.”

“Don’t tell me…”

“You were in a shitty situation with the chamber and the odds that you had to overcome. Considering that situation, the truth that sucks is that you did everything you could possibly do and there was nothing different, nothing better, that you could’ve done.”

My eyes widened a bit being presented with this harsh reality.

“...it just wasn’t meant to be…”

That was my cue for the tears to start falling, but in the midst of all of that sadness, an anger was filling me and that became the dominant emotion of my own mind.

“It’s not fair…” I uttered, catching him off guard. “...it’s not FUCKING fair. Why did there even HAVE to be a chamber at all? Why did it have to be ME in that situation?”

“Look, I’m sorry that you had the worst possible timing and luck with all of that but you need to do what you have to do to get back on your feet, shake it off, go for it again and then you’ll win it back and have another chance to have that satisfying world title reign in SCW that you’ve always wanted. You’re at the peak of your powers right now and only getting better and this isn’t the time to fall apart and lose sight of that. You’re still in that title picture. I understand you hate how hard it can be and everything, but it can only get better…”

“How many times can I hear that and other words of encouragement and stick to that mantra until things actually DO get better? I’m TIRED of all this, Roddy…”

Roddy is confused with where Andrea is coming from.

“What do you mean? What are you tired of?”

“Why is my second run going EXACTLY like my first run? I’m so GOD DAMN SICK OF IT”

“Don’t yell, Andrea.”

“Well maybe I need to this one time because it’s literally all the FUCKING SAME: I start off with an undefeated streak, I face the world champion in Tucson… LOSE that match and LOSE my first shot at a world title, I beat Crystal Hilton, I get another shot, I WIN the championship this time, and in the first supercard defense, I lose it! IT’S ALL THE SAME! Every chapter! Every bit of it! ALL! THE! SAME! WHY does it have to be exactly the same? My entire story in Sin City Wrestling might as well be titled Groundhog’s Day! It’s so frustrating, it’s so annoying! Is having that fulfilling reign and having the story be DIFFERENT too much to ask for? FUCK, Roddy, what do I have to do?”

Roddy sensed that I was losing my cool so he gently places his hands on my shoulders.

“Hey, let’s start off by calming down for a second, alright?”

A few tears of frustration were really falling down my face at this point. It all felt like the same again.

“What’s next? You suddenly die just like Dad did?”

“Okay, that’s a little too dramatic, Andrea. Come on.”

“I finally got his acceptance and then he got his heart attack and I haven’t had your acceptance for very long, so I don’t fucking know!”

“Andrea, you need to listen to me. Calm the fuck down. Don’t blow this up bigger than it actually is. I understand that you want the story to change and that you want it to be different. I get you’re frustrated with everything playing out exactly the same as five years ago. But you can get that title back. You can beat Kayla one on one a second time. You’ve already done it, sis. Just challenge her to a rematch and settle this thing one on one because if you take the chamber, which WASN’T a one on one match, it’s literally one to one. Challenge her and win it back and the cycle is broken.”

“I’m not stupid, Roddy. Challenge her again and LOSE?”

“Why would you lose?” Roddy said, his frustration increasing.

“I lost when I got my rematch five years ago and if everything HAS to play out…”

“ANDREA! STOP!” he yelled.

“No! YOU stop! I’m fucking cursed to relive the same fucking heartbreak and frustration from 2020 all over again.”

“NO YOU’RE NOT! FUCK! You need to get over the stupid ‘groundhog’s day” shit! What the fuck is that going to do for you? You want me to be honest with you? I don’t give a fuck about what happened five years ago! That’s ancient history! You’re stuck in this time warp and letting that get to your head when you KNOW better and when you’ve PROVEN that you’re better than all of that! I am seeing the Andrea that turned her back on the fans and everything Dad stood for all over again! You’re not going to relapse back to that. It’s all just a COINCIDENCE Andrea… a very… weird… fucked up COINCIDENCE! There’s no curse! You want things to be different? Then ACT fucking different! THINK fucking different! I know Evie Jordan put you through a LOT of horrible shit, but Jesus fucking Christ!”

I was starting to slightly hyperventilate, but not to the point where I couldn’t function.

“Let me ask you an honest question. Why do you do this to yourself? You never fully buy into how special you are. Why? Don’t be acting like such a fucking child, Andrea.”

“Oh I’m a child now?” I said, without thinking straight.

“I never said that…”

“Get the fuck out of my house right now.” I snapped.

“Andrea…”

“Get the FUCK OUT, Roddy! I don’t need you to bully me again!”

“I’m not…” Roddy stops himself and throws up his hands in frustration. “Fine. Call me when you want to snap out of this. You’re having a moment and sometimes, a slip and a fall when your mind is going a hundred miles an hour will happen. That’s what’s going on, so I’ll give you your space. But do yourself a favor and please, for once, realize how special you truly are.”

I didn’t say a word through my own tears before Roddy left my backyard and subsequently my house. I sat alone for another or or so lamenting that things felt like they were all the same and that suddenly, it was a doom and gloom all over again. 

Obviously, in the weeks since, I’ve come to regret how I acted in this private moment.

5-9-2025

I’ve since come out of my moment and my slip and found myself at another blast from the past, this time regarding the GCW Hall of Fame. The ceremony for myself and the “Utopia” faction that I was a part of with Myra and Chelsea at the start of my mainstream career 9 years ago is tomorrow, but for the time being, Myra took Chelsea and I to the Biltmore Hotel in Phoenix where we first met and formed the faction to begin with. I was feeling very awkward considering that the last time the Hall of Fame subject was brought up between us, I was acting irrational and lashing out plenty. As the three of us talked in the suite Myra brought us to, that guilt was really swallowing me whole.

“I’m sorry…:” I meekly said to both of them, catching them by surprise.

“Pardon?” Chelsea asked.

“For how I acted during the lunch that we did a while ago…” I said with a sigh. Myra was very understanding.

“GCW wasn’t a good time for you, Andrea…” Myra reminds me.

“You really shouldn’t sweat that…” Chelsea added. “...like Myra said, you struggled plenty in GCW and you suddenly had to leave the moment you FINALLY started finding your feet. I don’t blame you for not being enthusiastic about Utopia, a faction you have negative connotations about in your mind, being what you’re going into our first Hall of Fame for. You haven’t had a thing to do with GCW since we left.”

“Touche…:” I conceded. “So many painful memories and Utopia was never a good time for me. It was my foot in the door for wrestling in front of a worldwide audience and evolving into the wrestler that I’ve become ever since, but I associate it with pain, with abuse, with Myra’s ex treating me like trash and telling me that I’m the 4th banana many different ways, with you getting all the attention and adulation…”

“I hate to bring up the fact that… um…” Chelsea pauses and awkwardly looks at Myra. “...only I was meant to be part of that faction originally…”

My anger just spiked a bit.

“But you know I always had your back and always did in that situation and I was never going to be part of it without you.”

“It didn’t stop Myra from…” I was the one awkwardly pausing and looking at her now. “...I’m not finishing that thought.

Myra suddenly hung her head in guilt.

“It’s okay. Let it all out. Say what you want. I’m not that cruel, ruthless person I was back then and as I was to you.”

“It didn’t stop you from treating me like a redheaded stepchild, Myra…”

Chelsea was biting her lower lip with nervousness.

“When I think of GCW and when I think of Utopia, all I think about is how you were a FUCKING HORRIBLE MENTOR TO ME…”

Myra winces with shame for a split second as I continued my rant.

“...it wasn’t just favoring Chelsea over me. It was you and your ex constantly bullying me backstage, on social media and even in front of the cameras. You constantly ABUSED ME! You ripped off my shirt and whipped me with a belt on live TV in front of everyone! You told me I was never going to amount to anything in this business, Myra! You said I never deserved to amount to anything. And you know what… now that I REALLY think about it… all of the struggles I’ve ever had with Sin City Wrestling, finding myself there, my confidence, how I constantly worry, have a mental breakdown even now, as I did a week after losing the title for the second time, the dark path I was on five years ago for the rest of my first run…”

Tears formed in my eyes as I stared a hole through Myra’s heart.

“It was all because of YOU! Had you NEVER abused me the way you did, I would’ve developed a much better confidence in myself far earlier than I actually did! I would’ve beaten Alicia in Tucson. I would’ve beaten Evie! I would’ve told Crystal Hilton to fuck off the moment I met that garbage bitch! I would’ve never had mental health issues that forced me to leave and even NOW, I still struggle! I feel so STUPID for forgiving you and even allowing you to be a part of my life at ALL!”

“Fucking hell Andrea…” Chelsea says with a shocked gasp while I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore.

“So why the FUCK would I want to be part of a ceremony commemorating something that traumatized me for years and has had a profound affect on my career, even now?”

I wasn’t surprised to see Myra hang her head with tears of her own.

“Andrea, the words ‘I’m sorry’ aren’t enough for a situation like this. If you really don’t want me to be part of your life anymore, I don’t blame you. I should’ve nurtured you so much better and all these years I wish I did, but all I did back in that time was set you up for failure for the future… especially and including SCW. You are right in everything you just said and to see you still struggle from time to time psychologically, to hear about that argument you had with Roddy and how you were in a pit doubting yourself after you lost that title again, it breaks my god damn heart knowing that I took a soul like you, so innocent, and fucking ruined her… I ruined you Andrea… and I don’t think I ever deserved your forgiveness. The fact that you even forgave me at all shows you that you’re a bigger, better person than I am.”

I sighed with relief and I could already sense that I was starting to heal a bit.

“I am very sorry that my actions toward you had that profound effect on your career. You’d probably be in SCW’s Hall of Fame, which I understand would be far more satisfying for you, if it wasn’t for me.”

“I’m not cutting you out of my life… come here…”

Myra and I tearfully hugged it out, resolving any remaining bitter feelings between us from years ago.

“...you’ve more than redeemed yourself to me for all of your help and for being a much better  mentor in recent years.”

“I’m glad you’re finding peace Andrea…” Chelsea said. “But maybe it’s not such a good idea for you to go to the ceremony considering what Utopia and GCW represents for you.”

“Chelsea…” I began as Myra and I broke our embrace. “I’m going. I have to. It’s the only way I can ever face the beginning chapters of my career and finally heal the root of the problem of why I don’t see how special I am…”

“Andrea, I’m here for you and I always will be…” Myra added. She and Chelsea left me alone to my thoughts, and the deep internal healing that just started in me…

Perfect timing…

That’s when my camera crew just happened to walk in. I was asked if I was ready to speak my mind regarding my match on Sunday and I assured them that I was. While I was healing from a piece of my past, I was also bringing up some of the same anger and frustration from the chamber match and the ‘cruel coincidence’ as Roddy put it of both my runs playing out exactly the same. Before long, the fact that I even had to THINK about Crystal Hilton again was pissing me off.

“I’ve been dealing with much frustration lately and I am not going to sugar coat that. I’m still angry about the Chamber, the entire situation I found myself in, the fact that I didn’t do what I wanted to do and that was to get past one supercard cycle with the title to finally put the first reign to rest, among other things. That’s why a few weeks ago, I was on Climax Control saying that it wasn’t going to end like that and there had to be a one on one tiebreaker and in a few weeks, that’s exactly what is going to happen. But, before I get there, I have to deal with Crystal Hilton. AGAIN! GOD, I am so fucking SICK of that woman. Granted, I’m not about to piledrive her through a television like I did that one time even if so many of the Internet wrestling fans are memeing that moment and saying ‘Andrea did nothing wrong’, but STILL! Crystal, I’m not holding back here. You’re a fucking tick on my ass, a piece of dog shit that gets stuck to the bottom of my hundred dollar Jimmy Choos, an acid reflux that can never pass soon enough and all the other metaphors you can think of. I can’t stand you, never could, never will and facing you again when I’m frustrated as all hell with so much anger over the last six weeks or so boiling is probably NOT the best thing for my blood pressure right now, but FUCK IT! The last time we faced off, the rivalry between us died. I guess this Sunday, I’ve got to put the damn coffin in the crypt, huh?”

I rolled my eyes, showing my frustration that I even had to deal with that woman again.

“Let’s talk about the last time, you know… when I beat you. I declared the rivalry over and that I was moving on with my life because I REFUSE to have YOUR NAME be a part of MY story any longer and the first thing you said on social media is how it wasn’t over and how you were going to end it on your terms. Fucking stalker obsession, much, bitch? Here’s the deal, the only person that you are obsessed with more than me is yourself. Isn’t that right, “best Latina in the business”.... Oh my GOD, you actually had the NERVE to say that. Crystal, let me ask you a very serious question. Bitch, how fucking bad is your CTE? Best Latine in the business? Bitch, you’re not even the fourth best Latina in Sin City Wrestling and hell, you’re not even the best Latina in ANY of the companies you wrestle for. Hell, even Bobbie Dahl is a better Latina than you and she’s not even Latina! Are you that fucking atttention starved, Crystal? Have you really fucking lost it? Oh you bet your ass you’ve lost it and not just in the ring. Mentally, you’ve fucking lost it and you’re just fucking embarrassing yourself now. Oh right, you want to pick social media fights acting like you matter and you’re even saying that you deserve all the attention and all this other shit to anyone that is willing to engage with your nonsense. You deserve all the attention for what? When was your last world championship in Sin City Wrestling, Crystal? Hell, when was the last time you even did a damn thing in this company? The Roulette title that was like 2 years ago? Sure, you beat Cassie Wolfe the same night I started my second title reign, but in that elimination chamber match, it was CASSIE that was in it, not you.

Where were you, Crystal? I didn’t see you there. Oh right, Mercedes Vargas… ANOTHER LATINA by the way… beat you to qualify for the match…

But you want to call yourself the best Latina in the business.

Child, PLEASE!

You’re ranting up a storm talking about how bullshit it is for you to face the Barnharts but maybe if you put JUST a little more effort into your fucking craft instead of being a fuckign attention whore on social media picking fights with everyone and talking shit just to talk shit, then MAYBE you wouldn’t be facing the Barnharts and MAYBE you’d actually still have a shred of dignity left but NO, stuck in the same egomaniacal cycle over and over again. How much longer until you decide to be apologetic and talk about being on your 8 millionth redemption run and how you’re going to prove yourself again and how things are going to be better and different only for things to devolve back to the same? I guess if I had to say one good thing about you is that for ONCE you’re showing who you really are and yeah girl, you are toxic as fuck and that’s why I never wanted anything to do with you and that’s why I never wanted to be your friend, never will be your friend and the only reason why I even allowed you into my life at ALL was because I didn’t have the confidence in myself that I do now to just straight up tell you to your face to FUCK OFF!

But you sure as hell won’t do that because from day one, you’ve been so fucking obsessed with me to the point where there are fan theories out there that feel like you want to marry me as a second wife… third wife… I don’t fucking know. Don’t think I haven’t heard the hypocrisy in your words when you were going into your match against Cassie Wolfe. Don’t think that I don’t know about how you were talking that bullshit about how our last match “isn’t the last time she’ll hear from me”. It’s sickening and disgusting, this obsession you have over me and it needs to fucking stop. Seriously. It could get to a point where you suddenly pull a gun on me when your CTE kicks in and you threaten to kill me because I don’t want to be your friend and I am NOT even JOKING about that. I should seriously consider a restraining order on you at this point. Let me quote you on some of the things you said about Cassie Wolfe when you faced her…

Something along the lines of how she dropped the ball and how you don’t see a future in her. HUH… well, who would know more about dropping the ball than the bitch that has dropped the ball pretty much more times than anyone in the history of the Bombshells division, right? And as for her future? Well, the jury is still out on that one. She was in the chamber after all, you know, the same chamber you missed out on by losing to fucking Mercedes Vargas? So, while the jury is still out on her future, I can say with full fledged confidence that at this very moment, in Sin City Wrestling, she definitely has a brighter and better future than you do, Crystal. Also great job on cheapening your own victory considering that you beat someone that in your words, dropped the ball and has no future. So really Crystal, when you consider that and when you consider your abject failure to even build off that win at all, what did that win actually mean in the long run for your career here?

Absolutely nothing!

You’re over there whining and bitching about how people don’t take you seriously anymore and how people think that you can’t hack it anymore yet as usual, you do absolutely nothing to change that perception. Nothing! That’s the Crystal Hilton special 1.0, by the way…. Whining and crying and complaining that people don’t respect her and that people don’t see her the way she wants to be seen yet does nothing to help herself or make her situation better. NOTHING! The last time I wrestled her, I went in there figuring that I was the ONE opponent that she was actually going to step in the ring with and get fired up about considering her never ending five year long obsession with me and what the fuck did I get in the ring that night? Someone that was nowhere close to a rival anymore. Period. That’s why I declared the rivalry dead and that’s why I moved on because I know that clinging on to any sort of rivalry with you wasn’t worth a damn thing anymore. I moved on, Crystal, because the truth of the matter is, I never wanted you involved in my career in the first place. I knew from the start that if I was ever friends with you, then I would turn out to be just like you and that my image and reputation was going to go down the fucking tubes just by being associated with you at all. I’m GLAD, Crystal, that I made that choice because I would’ve never found a way out of my hole. I would’ve never overcome my own demons. I would’ve never been mature enough to accept responsibility for my own actions and to change… and I mean REALLY change and do everything that I needed to do to grow as a person and be so much better than I was before.

You talked about redemption and practiced it for 2 months, went back to the same old shit, then rinse, cycle, repeat, for years and through it all, you ended up staying the same ass shit that you were five years ago… hell before we ever met at all. I only needed ONE redemption moment to get back on my feet, find myself as a person, come back to this company better than I was before and GAIN that respect that you WISH you could have and that at this point in your career considering your career has jumped at least five sharks by now, you will NEVER have and that’s not just THIS company. Hell, the fact that yesterday, you spent so much time screaming and shouting on social media to anyone that would listen in another company that you wrestle in trying to be the big dog in the yard that you’ll never be again talking about ‘best Latina in the business’ instead of actually TRYING to get up for this match that we have on Sunday yet again proves that you have no priorities, you have no passion for this, you’ll never get out of your own way, and the only ring you belong in is GROUP THERAPY working out your undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder that you CLEARLY have with a group of people just as delusional as you are. You’re out there trying to act like J-Lo when you’re not even at Becky G’s level anymore! So come Sunday?

I’ll beat you.

AGAIN!

And maybe after tomorrow, I REALLY should get that restraining order.

How much longer are you going to embarrass your daddy? Seriously?

I rolled my eyes and signaled for the camera to cut at that point.

Prior to my first promo and shortly after I had told off my ex, Roddy and I were spending some time together before we made our way back up the interstate to see my mother. Things were cordial between us as they always were and we were reflecting on how I was able to tell off my ex.

“That’s the kind of assertiveness that you need to have…” Roddy reminded me. “It’s always good to stand up for yourself and to stand up for your virtues even if someone makes the effort to try to tell you differently or to throw shade on that bullshit.”

I could only chuckle at this.

“Where were you five years ago? Don’t answer that. It’s rhetorical. By the way, you didn’t set that up did you?”

“Wait? Really? You think I’d plant Lorenzo on you to test you? Is that it?”

“It happens quite a bit on television fiction, you know.”

“I’d never do that to you, Andrea. But, there’s something that I did want to talk to you about and I think now’s the time to start drilling this in your head.”

I felt a little bit concerned when Roddy suddenly pulled off the interstate and onto a smaller road before finding a rest stop and pulling over. I followed him out of his car and we found a nearby picnic table underneath an increasingly dusky sky.

“I talked to Chelsea yesterday….” he began, confusing me.

“You and Chelsea talk?”

“We’ve met at some of your shows when we both happen to be there. She was talking me something about how you were having lunch with her and Myra to celebrate your Hall of Fame in GCW… congrats by the way… and how you weren’t enjoying yourself because you got nitpicky about your title reign so far.”

I sighed, not even trying to deny or hide this.

“Yeah, that happened. They were trying to get through to me but I was too stuck in my feelings to want to listen to them.”

Roddy didn’t react right away and that worried me for a bit.

“I didn’t win my matches against Victoria, Mercedes and Cassie the way I wanted to win them….”

Roddy took a moment before he responded to what I said. IHe didn’t have to tell me that he was disappointed that I was still saying this. I could tell that there was a part of him that really wanted to be blunt with me even if it hurt, but I could also see just how much he was trying to fight it for my own sake.

“Andrea, I am going to give you a pop quiz okay. Did you cheat to win either of those matches?”

“No…”

“Did you beat Victoria?”

“Because Alexandria interfered but…”

“No no no, don’t give me that. Did you beat Victoria?”

“Yes…”

“Did you win that tag team match?”

“Yeah but…”

“DID YOU… or did you NOT win that tag team match?”

“I did…”

“Here’s what I have to say about the Alexandra interference with your match with Victoria and the fact that Kayla got the pin.”

“What?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

My eyes widened a bit as I wasn’t expecting him to say that.

“You won both of those matches and you’ve won every match you’ve been in since you regained your world title. Nothing else matters besides that and that’s the mindset that you need to learn how to have. Sure, you might have some people that you wrestle point out the asterisks and the “yeah, but” nonsense, but let them do that because the truth of the matter is that you’ve been so dominant during your entire time in SCW, in both runs mind you, with your first run being while you were psychologically nowhere even close to your best in fact, that it speaks volumes a hell of a lot more than those two matches. The people that actually know how to be smarter than just stooping to low hanging fruit will come up with a better way to try to verbally psyche you out.”

“Yeah, I am starting to understand…”

“You can have Mercedes try to throw that in your face all you want. You can have Cassie try to throw it in your face. You can have Kayla brag about getting the winning pin in the tag match and you can have her going after you for winning by interference against Victoria, but who cares. Let them fucking talk. Nobody knows your truth except you. That’s the golden rule. Who gives a fuck about what they think and what they say. The truth that you need to come to terms with is the fact that had you NOT gotten so bent over ONE Alicia Lukas tweet twisting something you said after she beat you all those years ago, you could’ve avoided all of the heartache you’d suffer later on. You and I both know that.”

I nodded and there was a piece of me that was even starting to feel discouraged. Was I actually handling being a world champion in SCW all wrong? Was I making the same mistakes again? Could I potentially be on a relapse path should I lose the world title after one supercard cycle again? Those questions were causing a bit of a panic within me, but fortunately, Roddy was able to sense that.

“I apologize if I am coming off harsh in any way.”

“You’re not…” I said with a sigh. You’re telling me the truth that I need to hear and I greatly appreciate that. Roddy, listen. I don’t see things the way you do and I know you understand that and Dad taught and showed you things that he never did for me either because he didn’t get to live long enough to do so or he thought ‘she’s a girl, she can’t handle it’. But damn it, I can handle itr. You have a point. The locker room in SCW is different now, though you still have your straggling jaw jackers, you know? I shouldn’t be doubting myself and killing the moment of my title reign just over those two matches. You’re right. I’m trying so hard to avoid that one supercard and done thing again…”

“You’re worrying too much about that…”

“I know, but I can’t help it! I think to some degree, I have some form of acute PTSD stemming from the first time around to the point where I feel like I always have to protect and defend myself. If I lose this title so quickly again, then…”

“You win it a third time in a circumstance that is much more favorable to you, that’s what you do. You don’t sulk. You rise up and you keep fighting. That’s what you do. Most people that would throw losing the belt in your face and mocking you for the one and done supercard thing are people that either would never win that title themselves, are people that had it for an even shorter time than you have or that will never win the title again. You overcome the Evie thing, didn’t you?”

“Yes…”

“I’m about to bring up another example: Roxi…”

“UGH! Why do we have to bring HER up?”

“Did she not bury you in a promo for a match against Julianna DiMaria without mentioning you by name? Did she not try to twist your narrative and say that you did nothing with beating her even though you won the Internet Championship and had an undefeated 2021 after the fact?”

“She did…”

“What did you do?”

I was laughing now, though mostly at myself knowing that I was complicating the whole situation in my head.

“I came back to SCW and wrote a brand new fucking narrative that not even someone like HER would be able to dictate… of course, this was after I stood up to her publicly and told her to fuck off only to dismiss it because… she’s not important, fuck her. I get your point. I tell my narrative, I write my story, I determine my own worth and not a damn person can say otherwise and if god forbid worse comes to worse, it doesn’t change my truth, nor does it change my narrative.”

“You’ve got it! As long as you give it your best in that ring and stay true to your narrative, a win’s a win. It doesn’t matter if there were shenanigans or if a partner got a pin and not you. Don’t let other people dictate otherwise.”

“Thanks….” I said with a sigh. “Can we go see Mom now?”

“Sure…”

We both stood and then left the rest stop behind, getting back in the car and continuing the trip to Sedona.

The next week…

I swung back down to the Valley obviously on the way to Tucson and while a part of me was nervous, most of me was happy at the fact that I was finally getting to see an old friend that was a ride or die during the SCW days even when I was struggling and I was at my worse. The front door open and Clarissa Vega, my former manager and during the first SCW run, my closest confidant, greeted me with an embrace.

“Come in…” she asked. I noticed the bulky knee brace she was wearing and I even helped her back to the couch and to sit down.

“How’s the rehab, Clarissa?” I asked her, knowing she was a long way back from getting back in the ring herself.

“Great, aside from this brutal rehab. Progress is progress but a word of advice? Never have a meniscus tear. And don’t try to push it if you suspect that you have one.”

“Duly noted…” I said, even with all the empathy coming to my heart seeing her in the shape she was in. “So, you said you had something for me?”

Clarissa reached into her pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper with a broken heart on it that I was very familiar with. I gasped with some surprise when she handed it to me.

“You told me, right before you lost the title to Evie in 2020, that should you lose the title, to keep it hidden somewhere and to give it back ‘if by some miracle I am ever champion again’...

Cue me wincing…

“It was a very interesting read then and it’s even more now…”

“Oh god…”

I opened up the time capsule I was handed and right away, I could feel a soul crushing sensation inside my chest as I remembered how the night before my first reign ended, I was writing about how I didn’t believe in myself at all, how Evie was going to run circles around me, how I didn’t stand a chance in hell, how I wasn’t ready to be a world champion and that everything was happening so fast and because I had no experience in doing so, how I wasn’t ready to be a leader and how I was going to lose to Evie ‘tomorrow night’ and that I deserve to suffer because that’s all I had done my whole life. I started to cry a bit seeing that in the last sentence, I wrote ‘I am going to lose, everyone is going to laugh at me, Evie will be right about me and I will never be SCW Bombshells World Champion again’. Clarissa wrapped an arm around me.

“Kayla isn’t your biggest enemy, or Evie, or Crystal, or Myra, or Roxi… it’s been you the whole time. That’s why I invited you here so that you could be reminded of that.”

“How could I ever write any of this crap?” I asked as I grabbed it to tear it only for Clarissa to stop me from doing so.

“No, keep that. You have to!”

“Why would I want to?”

“Because you’re still going to have your ups and downs just like everyone else and should you not survive the chamber with the championship and you need some perspective that things will get better, you will read that and you will remind yourself that you’ve overcome a hell of a lot worse, alright? I know we haven’t kept in touch as often as we used to, but you always were a far stronger person and a champion at heart in many ways, more than you would ever giver yourself credit for. Stop stelling yourself short! I know you so well! You’ve dealt with some worries and some stress about this match as anyone would, but you’re going to be okay even if Kayla or Mercedes or someone else wins. Got that? I love you and you’re like family to me and I don’t want to see you throw away the last two or so years over the worst case scenario.”

I took so much of what I just heard into perspective and as much as I knew in my heart that I had overcome the past and everything that I read in that time capsule, I knew that it was perfectly fine to briefly look back at the very sequence of events that led me to go down the rabbit hole that I did so that I could do everything in my power to prevent it from happening again.

“Look Andrea, it’s your journey that inspired me to become a wrestler myself, even in my mid-30’s, because if you could do it, I could to… and I did being a world champion in my own right and it would’ve never happened if we never crossed paths, so that’s something I need you to remember.”

“Of course. You were there for me when I first got started in this business and you didn’t quit on me at all even during those dark SCW times that I had and you wanted to keep giving by going on your own journey in this business. To hear you say what you just did, that really warms my heart and it surely inspires me. I’ve honestly been a bit of a pain lamenting the way I’ve won certain matches recently and I was pushing and trying to compensate way too hard for the previous reign.”

“Andrea, you are a far stronger person and a much better wrestler now than you were then. You don’t need to compensate for a fucking thing and you don’t need to make up for shit anymore. Short term by winning on Sunday, and long term regardless of outcome, you’ve got this, you own this and I know you don’t want to think about the ‘what if’ in the negative so much, but I’d rather you ne titleless yet be mentally healthy then a world champion that’s pressing because she had matches she didn’t win in the most desirable fashion ever.  Your mental health is more important than any company, any title…”

“That’s a lesson I’ve learned over the last few years so I’m not going to disagree with you at all. But still, I want to win, I’m GOING to win!”

“You’re preaching to your biggest cheerleader aside from your family and Chelsea on that one…” Clarissa said with a laugh. “You’ve got it. Have stronger faith than you did all those years ago.”

“You got it…” I said as we embraced. I stuck around a bit for some lunch but at that moment, I knew I was pulling through and overcoming my recent, needless frustrations.

3-28-2025

Back at Mt. Lemmon for another retreat and another promo. Seeing as how my mind was all over the place for a while because of the pressures of this match, I definitely took heed of some perspective that I was given from those that care about me. I definitely felt more confident as I began to speak.

“The last time that I defended a world championship on a supercard, it didn’t go well for me and I didn’t do myself a favor writing myself a letter that I didn’t deserve to be there and that I didn’t stand a chance. I wrote about how I was going to have circles ran around me and all this other crap but the worst part about it was that in that letter, I made an admission to myself that I was going to lose and that I was never going to be world champion here again. I am so fucking glad that I was able to prove that wrong even when I took a couple of years off from here at one point. So, I am going to drive this point home that I am the one that defines my narrative, I am the one that tells my story and that I am the one that decides how it all goes. Anything that you people in this chamber have to say about me, and I’m sure you’ve all said something that defines what I’m saying here by the way, none of it matters. Win or lose, I am not going to make the same mistake of allowing the words of other people to define me as a champion and while I am not going to make promises or guarantees as far as the outcome of the match is concerned, what I AM going to promise and guarantee is that I will NOT give up, I will NOT just eat shit and go to the back of the line, I will NOT sulk, I will NOT relapse back to what I was the first time around here and I will NOT run away from this championship ever again and I don’t give a fuck if the odds are against me and I have a 5 in 6 chance of losing this…

Worse comes to worse? It doesn’t erase what I did against Kayla and I know in my heart and fucking soul that this isn’t going to be the last time I hold this championship no matter what. I’m here to stay this time and not just in SCW, but also as a perennial contender for this so if you think this is where I buckle and this is where I “get exposed”, you’ve got another thing coming because I am going to fight to my last fucking breath and down to my last fucking drop of blood that I’ve got in me. You’re going to have to beat me down to a damn pulp to take this from me and no matter what happens, my journey, my story, continues on the way I want to tell it with the only question being whether or not I continue it as the world champion for the time being. So, let’s expose some of the stupid narratives and some of the stupid shit said about me, shall we. I’d start with Candy, but unfortunately, up to this point? Nothing to say. All Necra Octavian Kane did was just gloss over my career and really show how out of touch she is with the people that are in this company saying that I haven’t ‘accomplished a whole lot’ in SCW essentially because I have only three belts to my name here. All I have to say to that? Easily? Is that there’s more to my career then the titles: the 2021 unbeaten run, once winning 18 in a row, one of the more dominant Internet Champions when I had it, and really the only thing missing from my resume is a fruitful world title run and I have PLENTY of time in my career for that.

I know that I am going to be a hall of fame member in my own right at some point so I’ve got that going for me so I’m going to move forward with the other three, starting with Cassie. Cassie, for the bright future that you have, I am going to tell you this very bluntly. I might piss you off with what I am about to say, but I am long beyond the point of my career where I am caring about what other people have to say about me at this point. Your WORDS say that you want it, but your actions don’t. Cassie, going into that tag team match I threw in some very harsh criticism about your attitude going into that match and teaming up against Mercedes and I was telling you how much that attitude sucked and that’s not the attitude a champion should be having. Did you, when you talked to me in your promo, even mention ANY of that? Did you even LISTEN to anything that I said? If you truly wanted to be a world champions nd if you truly wanted to break your string of bad luck when it comes to championship matches in this company, then you would’ve addressed that and you would’ve come at me like a house of fire and trying to tell me how wrong I am or hell, even call me a hypocrite because of my past, but no, you couldn’t do that. All you did was try to convince me that you’re not Krystal. You could’ve showed me in that tag team match that we had that I was off base about your attitude or short of that, even talked about it at all, apologized, make a vow to be better and all of that stuff and to me, that tells me that a young wrestler like you has a very uphill battle not just in the chamber, or in SCW< but in wrestling as a whole. How can you be a champion when you showed in a moment in time that you’re not growing as you should be or that you can exhibit any sort of potential for growth? If you’re not willing to address the shortcomings you’ve exhibited, how can you grow to be a champion? Ask that question. Overall? A wasted growth opportunity, an example that you’re not a fast grower,and ultimately someone that won’t win this thing.

And speaking of lack of growth, Mercedes… holy shit…”

I paused for a bit knowing that as soon as her name came up, I had to keep things calm.

“I will start off by saying this: most of the cancers of the past that would twist the narrative about me if they didn’t outright lie through their fucking teeth… like Roxi blind mentioning me like a two-faced coward ass bitch in a promo while I wasn’t in the company saying I ‘did nothing’ with the win I got over her as an example… aren’t in this company anymore and for that? It’s a great thing for this company and for the division because it shows that this division can grow and evolve with time and I have proven that I can adapt and change. However, not ALL of the narrative twisting, lying cancers are gone and Mercedes, you happen to be one of them. You come right out of the gate about me with an outright fucking LIE… this thing about clinging to the narrative of being overlooked. Respectfully, Mercedes, ARE YOU ON FUCKING CRACK? Yeah, that’s a serious question. Are. You. On. FUCKING. CRACK? When in the FUCK, in ANY of my promos or in any social media have I even USED the word ‘overlooked’? Perhaps I said something in the context of hoping I was on a supercard that I wasn’t on such as Violent Conduct for instance, but that’s a competitor’s heart right there wanting the opportunity. I never said I was overlooked. Hell, how the FUCK can I even THINK that I’m overlooked when I got my Belle of the Brawl tournament shot, my recent world title shots. Why the fuck would I feel overlooked? Hell, why would I be overlooked at all? Tell me if I give a shit if people fear me or not. Spoiler: No. Never gave it a thought. But the wrestler you’ve never beaten, who has won 80% of her matches, who won 18 in a row, went High Stakes to High Stakes, all of 2021 and nearly a year and a half without being beaten, is somehow forgettable. OKAY, Mercedes. Whatever! I don’t even need to go deeper than that because that has to be the dumbest fucking shit that I’ve ever heard of me ever since Roxi with “she did NOTHING with beating me” and Krystal Wolfe with calling me a “washed up former Bombshell” and anything and everything Evie Jordan said about me. “

I was laughing at everything that i pointed out and honestly, I couldn’t even stop laughing for a good minute or two. That’s how ridiculous I was feeling about Mercedes and her “forgettable” quip about me and I was showing how much I was OVER letting the empty, shallow, WORTHLESS opinions of the most ignorant, shallow bitches like Mercedes Vargas define who I am.

“Aside from bringing up some numbers, there’s nothing else I need to say about how STUPID calling me ‘forgettable’ is but I WILL say it’s HYPOCRITICAL of you because of all the times you’ve come out and defended yourself against the same old tired bullshit of ‘old, needs to retire, needs to step aside”... none of which I SAID to you going into that tag match despite you inferring that. You’re talking about how you’ve grown and adapted…. I mean, you’ve been a more consistent winner lately… but you’re literally the same person that I first met back in 2019 when I first came to SCW, at least in my view you are. HELL, you even recycled the same thing you said about me back then about how I’m insecure and how I ‘tear down’ others to feel better about myself….you know what? No. fuck that shit. That’s how YOU interpret it and that’s a YOU problem. The TRUTH from my perspective is that YOU are TRIGGERED by the fact that I’m not lining up to kiss your ass, not then, certainly not now and that I tell it like it is because THAT’S WHO THE FUCK I AM and if you don’t like who I am, then get in line, take a number, shut the fuck up and CRY about it BITCH! Don’t bitch at me and throw lies and slander my way just because you’re completely incapable of handling someone else’s criticism of you.

But don’t worry Mercedes, you’re not necessarily the most verbally grandiose exaggerator in this match. Kayla, that would have to be you, arguably. We’ve done this same song and dance twice. I know your style. I don’t need to get into it. Of COURSE you came in and talked about how you come back better and how when you lose, you’re able to get your revenge a hundred thousand percent of the time. I knew that was coming. And I know the trend, but I’m BETTER than those you have lost to before as I’ve mentioned previously. I get your point of view. You don’t want this thing between us to end with me on top. I don’t hate that. I can’t, really. In this weird sort of way, I haven’t seen that kind of fight in an opponent, or a rival of mine that I’ve ever had in my career since my own mentor in Myra Rivers and when I’m mentioning HER in the context of YOU from my perspective, that means a hell of a lot. But I KNOW that you’re desperate to get me back and that desperation is consuming you. I don’t say this as a means of “I’m gonna duck you” or ANYTHING like that because you KNOW ME better than that, but the smart move? You don’t cash in your rematch for an elimination chamber especially when you have the distraction with Finn’s ex lurking around and causing all sorts of problems for you. Your ego and pride are once again costing you when it counts the most and in this chamber match it WILL cost you again. You should’ve waited until it WASN’T a one on one situation and until you handled that personal business that way I DO get you at your best. How can you say that you’ll be better and stronger when your desperation stemming from your pride is pushing you to make such a hasty decision like this? I mean, I get it because you and I both feel and know we’ll be the final two in this thing. You saw me flip that switch when I beat you. I had to do the very thing that you are doing now in order to be the SCW Bombshells World Champion but what you seem to overlook at this point is that I too, am capable of pulling the same type of dominance that you have in the past. Only TWO Bombshells have ever beaten me more than  once throughout my time here. Take that for what it’s worth. Take that 2021 unbeaten run, that 18 match wins treak into account and when it’s all said and done? You WILL realize that after I retain this championship against all odds that you have, after all this time in SCW… FINALLY met your match….

After Inception…

I was in the locker room within one hour after finally regaining the SCW Bombshells World Championship. I had already gone through all of the sentimental emotions and all of the tears and the reminiscing about the journey and all of the good stuff when I happened to be in a FaceTime chat with my mentor Myra Rivers who of course, was in a hell of a happy mood.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been more proud of you than I am right now…” Myra said with a smile. I was definitely feeling great knowing that I had such a hell of a validation from her.

“Thank you…” I told her.

“You don’t need to tell me how hard it was to get back there because trust me, I know. I’m not going to wax lyrical about everything that you’ve had to overcome just to get to this point because we’ve beaten that to death really, but nonetheless, it makes me incredibly happy to see you with that championship again.”

“I do wish that you had won it yourself at one point…” I responded, knowing that in spite of what her former detractors, most of whom aren’t even in SCW anymore might say,  she was more than good enough to do so.

“Don’t worry about me…” Myra said, taking it in stride. “I turned out to be more than fine after I left. Worry about you, okay? You know that the last time you were a world champion there, things didn’t go the way you wanted them to and I know you’re hungry to prove that you can be a world champion in SCW and that you’re ready to have the main event spotlight and lead that division the way that I always knew that you could. You very much deserve to have this moment and I’m not going to let you spend one iota of it thinking about anything else other than the situation that’s at hand right now. You’ve got a long road ahead as you know…”

“Right…” I acknowledged, knowing that my history of holding this championship wasn’t all that great. “The first time around, I wasn’t ready to hold this championship. I will own that to kingdom come and everything because when I won it, I was spiraling toward my weakest point. But now that I am at my strongest point yet, things are going to be a hell of a lot different.”

“Don’t forget that you beat one of the most dominant champions too…”

“Of course…” I said as I took a deep breath. “It took two fucking tries, that’s how fucking tough she is. She is a very harsh person. She can be quite mean. I don’t quite understand her methods or why she carries herself the way that she does, but she is a hell of a wrestler and a hell of a champion and I didn’t go through some slouch to win this and I will always acknowledge that.”

I took a pause for a moment as I began to think about Kayla Richards. For all of the similarities that I was noting privately and publicly about her toward certain people thatI had my issues with during my first SCW run, the one thing that I had to give her aside from the obvious is that even though she was a bit harsh toward me in what she was saying and even though I didn’t necessarily like the reason why she wanted a rematch with me, she didn’t bury me through the dirty or verbally eviscerate me the way she had most of her challengers before her.

“That’s why you should go congratulate her on not just her reign, but for the amazing match that you two just had.”

I was thrown off guard because that was the last place that I was expecting Myra to go with this. I was immediately feeling the skepticism. Myra already saw the confused expression on my face and she didn’t seem surprised by it in the slightest.

“I understand that this seems like out of left field for you, Andrea. I get that you don’t like her personality. But for one, you have to remember that your personality the first time you were in SCW wasn’t all that different from her to begin with. But still, it’s kind of a time honored tradition that is fading by the wayside. Let’s face it, we both know that division is cutthroat and that being a sore winner can be a very common thing. She wasn’t a sore winner with you after High Stakes. She thanked you on Twitter, remember?”

“But is she even going to want anything to do with me? You know how she is. I think the last thing that she wants right now is for me to even approach her. She’s definitely smarting over losing this championship to me and the last thing I want to do is to give her a reason to be even more pissed off than she already is.”

“It’ll be fine. Trust me. You seem to be one of the few in that division that she might even have any respect for anyway. If anything, try to make the effort to be a good sport and to congratulate her for the good karma for your title reign than anything else. I don’t see what’s wrong with that. I get it. She’s prickly and everything. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t get along with her or that you can at least respect each other as competitors. The way I see it, you’re both more alike than both of you realize.”

I still wasn’t sure, but there was a part of me that was coming around on it knowing Myra was pretty much right.

“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt…”

“What’s the worse that can happen? That she reject your overture and tell you she’s going to come back and try to win it back from you?”

“That’s what I would expect really.”

“The effort is what matters here. You didn’t take this opportunity to do this with Crystal and Roxi when you won the world title the first time… though knowing how they are, I suppose I can’t fault you for that.”

“I’d rather be friends with Kayla then both of them combined anyway.”

“Then do it! Go congratulate her on her championship reign! You’d be surprised by how far a gesture like that can go in this business.”

“Okay. Sure! Thanks, Myra. What’s the worst that can happen? She deserves her due and I’m going to rise above all the hate she gets and give her that.”

“You’re already starting your title reign the right way, Andrea…” Myra says with a confident reassurance in her voice. “...congratulations again and I know you’re going to have a far better reign this time around with all of the strength that you’ve gained over the years.”

“Thank you Myra, we’ll talk soon.”

The FaceTime call ended and I took a deep breath. I was pretty nervous all in all. Kayla’s prickly personality had me on edge, but I knew it was the right thing to do because I knew she had gotten so much hate during her reign which is something that I could very much relate to during my first run in SCW. With that being said, I left my locker room and went down the hallway. I found the door that led to Kayla Richards’s locker room and knocked on it.

“Kayla?”

I knocked on it again, but I got no answer.

“It’s me… Andrea… can we talk for a second?”

I still wasn’t getting an answer and I was starting to get worried. I knocked once more, but still no answer.

“She left…” a stagehand that was walking by informed me. “...I don’t know if you are aware of this, Andrea but there was a situation with her, Finn, an ex… it’s pretty messy.”

“Oh…” I said with a bit of a sigh, remembering what he was talking about. “Thanks. I forgot about that.”

The stagehand nodded at me and left.

“I guess I’ll just drop her a tweet then…”

I turned and headed back to my locker room, partially disappointed. I was hoping to congratulate her on her reign face to face, but I also understood she had a personal situation going on. I would, eventually, acknowledge her in a tweet and praise her accomplishments but I also knew that despite the respect, that a rivalry between us was probably just beginning…

March 6

“That’s crazy! How can you even trust her?”

Chelsea LeClair decided to swing by my Paradise Valley home for a Netflix binge. We were both sitting on the couch discussing the match to come.

“You don’t think Kayla hates you for taking the championship from her?”

“I don’t think she hates me…” I reasoned. “I do believe that she wants to take the championship back from me, that much is a given. But I don’t think she hates me. Though… I don’t think she likes me either.”

“All the more reason for her to screw you on Sunday…” Chelsea quipped with a sigh and an eye roll.

“Chels…” I began, sighing myself. “Do you honestly think that Kayla Richards… KAYLA FUCKING RICHARDS… would want to screw me over and ultimately cost us the match when you and I both know that the woman has too much pride in her own career and how she carries herself to have a loss on her record to Mercedes Vargas?”

Chelsea was taken aback by this and her eyes widened some. She was thinking of a counterpoint to this, but she took a deep breath knowing that she had nothing to say to that.

“Touche, Andrea…” she said with a playful eyeroll. “But after that final bell rings, watch your back.”

“See, that is where you could have a point. I did try to meet her in the locker room after I beat her and everything, but she wasn’t there. For all the flak that she gets about her attitude and for all the intensity that our matches and our war of words have gone between the two of us, she IS more trustworthy than most people on the roster. I’m not going to go as far as saying that I trust her with my life or anything, but she says what she means, means what she says. I trust her a hell of a lot more than I trust other people in that locker room and don’t forget that I’ve teamed up with people that either don’t like me or people that I don’t like…”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t happen often, Andrea and it’s not like we ever teamed together when our friendship has been on the rocks, you know? Unless there was like a random instance neither of us might remember at the moment. Just understand that I am trying to look out for you.”

“Oh god…”

“What? We’ve known each other forever. Why wouldn’t I do that?”

“I’m not going to have the same speech with you that I had with my mother a few weeks back…” I said with a laugh. “But I understand.”

“I don’t want you to lose your confidence at the worst time and don’t roll your eyes at me like you just did…”

“Sorry…”

“You deserve to be successful and happy and you deserve to have a much stronger, better journey with the title than you had before and that’s all I want for you. Kayla is going to want to trip you up along the way and she will be coming for your throat. It’s not going to happen on Sunday because you’re right, she’d rather win with you than have a loss to Mercedes on her record, but trusting her is still a risky move to begin with. You don’t know what she’s capable of when her back is against the wall or when she feels like she has to prove a point.”

“Chelsea, I’ve teamed up with Crystal multiple times even if most of those times didn’t happen in SCW and that bitch is the most untrustworthy there can be, right?”

“Right…”

“And are you forgetting that the one person that helped me heal the pain of the past and that gave me that final push to find the best version of myself was my brother, right? Not the one that coddled me, protected me and took care of me when I was down in the dumps, but the one that bullied me, made it clear growing up that he never wanted a sister, beat me up in the closet that one time and did everything he could prior to his prison sentence to make me feel like a worthless piece of shit.”

Chelsea kind of winced at how I referenced Roddy. I could tell that she understood where I was going with this but the thought still made her uncomfortable nonetheless.

“Roddy, for me, is the strange bedfellows of all strange bedfellows. As kids, we NEVER got along, but he redeemed himself after he got out of prison by helping me get over so much shit, you know? I didn’t have to trust him after everything that he did to me growing up and after treating me as if he wished I never existed all those years, but I did because in my heart, I felt like it was the right thing for my career and I was proven to be right. So, the fact that I trusted my worst enemy from my childhood and arguably the root of all the pain I was in and all of my self-esteem issues from my last time in SCW with my career to get back to the top of the mountain finally…”

“Everyone else would be child’s play…” Chelsea admitted, fully seeing my point. “Don’t let her ego and her constant starvation for all the glory she can get weigh you down though and have eyes on the back of your head, especially after the match is over, okay?”

“Chelsea, you got my promise on that. I don’t see our opponents getting along at all if their little Twitter bitch fight is anything to go by.”

“Honestly, it doesn’t even matter if they get along or not. As long as you and Kayla get on just fine, which you’re CRAZY to think so by the way, but you do you girl, you should have this.”

“It’s going to be FINE, Chels. We got this. I don’t doubt Kayla for a second, for better or worse. But believe me, once we take care of our business and once we defeat Mercedes and Cassie, there’s no mincing words or holding back. We’ll achieve this common goal, but after that, it’s back to business as usual between us. After all, Kayla’s turning into a fiercer rival of mine in SCW than Crystal ever could’ve been…”

Chelsea seems a bit worried about what I just said.

“I don’t think this thing between you two is anywhere near over…”

I stood up to grab some water.

“Honestly? I wouldn’t be shocked if we ran it back next High Stakes the way things are going…”

With that, I want to the kitchen and really began to think of the possibility that Kayla and I were on a collision course potentially for months to come. I couldn’t think of it for long though…

Not when mutual business needed to be taken care of…

March 7

The camera was on me as I was standing by an inactive trolly on a random hill in San Francisco. With the championship over my shoulder, I was feeling pretty confident in myself even though this coming Sunday, I was definitely in a situation that most people in my shoes wouldn’t find as ideal at all. I was taking into account the burgeoning rivalry with Kayla and all, but I also know that this was something to put to the side which is more than I can say for my opponents. Add on getting caught in an unfortunate crossfire despite the fact that I won against Victoria Lyons and I definitely had plenty on my mind…

“Talk about a unique circumstance in the second match of my second reign as the SCW Bombshells World Champion, right? I mean, the match against Victoria, I won that, but that carried an unfortunate asterisk in all of that. I can sit here and I can mope about that fact and let it get me down, but I’m not going to do that. I said what I meant after the match when I said that there were going to be more opportunities to solidify my reign especially before the chamber and that’s exactly what is happening here. Kayla and I, I think everyone knows the growing story between us.  I know SCW media is going to try to push the whole question of ‘can we get along’ and I have no doubt in my mind that we can and that we will… at least while the match is in progress. After the fact? I can only speculate so much and I’m not going to do that but what I do know is that we can get along WAY better than our opponents can. I mean, you got Cassie whining up a storm on Twitter about the match in and of itself and you’ve got Mercedes Vargas talking about the match as a cruel punishment…”

I sighed and I rolled my eyes.

“Never evolve from those egos, ladies? Am I right? I’m going to start off with Cassie here. Cassie, let me be real with you. I don’t mince words and you might even get a bit heated with what I am about to say. I know that this isn’t the ideal situation for you, but to say that you’d rather team up with your dog than team up with Mercedes? Are you fucking kidding me? Now, I’m not necessarily defending Mercedes here and I get why you don’t like her and why you think she’s an albatross to you because of how long it’s been since she’s held a singles championship or the age old bullshit of ‘she’s hung on for way too long’, but fucking seriously? I’m not Mercedes’s biggest fan, I admit that. I wish she would find a way to evolve and grow because someone her age is still very much capable of doing that and I’ve witnessed it with my mentor after she left this company and has since had the time of her career, but still… you can’t take away what she has accomplished. If you’re spitting on her in the present day, that’s one thing. But the way YOU are treating it, it’s like you’re disrespecting her entire body of work here. Sure, it’s been a minute since she’s won a title here and yes, even I have gone after her for her accolades and how most them were fleeting reigns. I own that shit. But at the end of the day, she has still accomplished more in this business than you have and by no means is it a guarantee that you’re going to have a better career than her in the long run.

Is she the most ideal partner for you? Absolutely not. But you could’ve ended up with SO much worse… like Bea Barnhart… speaking of dogs…

Yes, on paper, you’re behind the eight ball with this match, but carrying the attitude that you have about it, especially with your partner, you’re basically beating yourself before the match even starts and of course, you’re far too young and inexperienced to even come close to realizing that you’re doing this and you’re especially too inexperienced to see HOW you’re doing it. And this thing that you, and SO many other people do with asking ‘when was the last time you were relevant’? God, can people get new material than that? It’s one thing if it’s coming from Kayla who has come out and trashed her god knows how many times by now and everything because at least she’s been relevant and absolutely relevant now but coming from YOU? Someone that is barely starting out in her career and doesn’t have the resume to talk about other people being relevant? Yeah, that’s where you lose me. You could be a big player in the future, but when you’re making rookie mistakes and when you’re approaching things like someone that’s just barely out of wrestling school the way you are with this match, I fear that you’re going to fade away just like Krystal did.

I mean with the attitude you have… so many red flags…

Maybe instead of bitching about how you’re so sick and tired of being unable to ‘get any momentum in SCW to save your life’, bitching about having to team with Mercedes or hell, bitching in general, you should chill the fuck out and see the big picture. People your age don’t see world championship matches very often. Maybe instead of bitching about Mercedes, you should be grateful for this opportunity. I mean, ARE YOU really? I would imagine it might be hard to be considering the way you won your qualifying match…

But I suppose Sunday, we’ll get some answers with you…

Now as far as Mercedes Vargas goes…

Yes, I’ve had my battles in the past with her. Hell, she was my second match here. I admit that at that time, when I faced her for the first time, I didn’t treat her right and I was overly harsh about her even though a fair portion of what I said to her back then was true. I admit that I ran her down pretty fucking badly when I beat her to win the SCW Bombshells Internet Championship which up to this point, is the closest she’s been when it comes to being a champion here again. But for all that I’ve said in the past about Mercedes and for all of the hate she gets around here, especially from my partner this Sunday I should add, I’m going to approach this better. So Mercedes, to start off with, on behalf of just about everyone in this division, I want to say that most would rather have you in the chamber than Crystal Hilton and you did the division a favor by making sure that she didn’t make it. I will give you SOME credit in that in more recent times, you’ve shown some flashes of brilliance and that you have had your moments and even a couple of nice wins here and there. You’re definitely someone that seems to have found kind of a second wind. But I say ‘kind of’ instead of ‘definitely’ because for all of what you’ve been able to do, that consistency?

It’s still not there.

You have your moments, but you’re still having a hard time putting it all together the way you used to before. Sure, you beat Crystal to get in the chamber, but was it because you were having another flash of brilliance or was it because you just happened to have the luck of the draw as far as opponents are concerned? Imagine if you faced someone that was going to be a little more difficult for you like Victoria for instance. Would you have qualified at that point? Hell, let’s be real here. The win that got you noticed enough to even be in the qualifying position was probably the win that you got at Inception which I guess is good enough for you, but it’s not like Song is lighting the world on fire or anything. That’s you though, Mercedes. You’ll take what you can get and damn it to hell how you get it. For better or worse, that’s always been you, but ultimately, your attitude toward all of this still hasn’t evolved a bit since the first time we faced each other all those years ago. You’re the most experienced of all of us and you’re the only one of the four of us in this match that is actually in the Hall of Fame and as much as i get that this isn’t the ideal situation for you either, as the Hall of Fame member, and as the veteran, you should rise above the bullshit and you should be the one that is setting the example of how to conduct yourself at any sort of adversity and if what I saw on social media when you reacted to this match is any indication?

You fell WELL short of the mark….

‘Cruel punishment…’

Are you fucking for real, Mercedes?

What the fuck kind of attitude is that? You took this match as a ‘punishment’? Why? You shouldn’t be taking this match as a punishment., You should’ve taken this match as an opportunity to silence so many haters that you clearly still have in the locker room if anything but instead, you want to complain about ‘cruel punishment’ and act as if this match for you is a glorified handicap match. When you’re carrying that type of attitude into this match, then you’re only justifying the repetitive opinions of your haters and you’re also showing why you still can’t get the consistency that many would expect out of someone that is an SCW Hall of Fame member and a two time one at that. Someone like you that acts the way you do at any sign of adversity is someone that proves time and again that they not only can’t be a champion, but on attitude alone, they don’t deserve to be a champion. Rather than give your partner a chance to really prove yourself, you’re talking about how you’re going to carry the team showing that you clearly lack faith in anything that Cassie Wolfe might bring to the table. It’s really sad that for your age, an age where many wrestlers show a greater sign of maturity, you’re still acting as if the Mean Girls still exist in Sin City Wrestling. You’re the one woma n in this division that doesn’t seem to know how to grow up and quit acting like a child when things don’t go your way and with how you have ALWAYS carried yourself and with that type of crap that you put out there with how you reacted to this match, I look at you and I see the one Bombshell that I’m glad I never became because really…

Had I stayed on the path that I was on the first time I was here? I fear that I might have slowly become another version of you and that’s absolutely the last thing that I would’ve ever wanted… well, second to last thing. Being another version of Crystal is a fate worse than burning in hell.  But when I left here and after I was able to bring my mental health back together and revive that spirit in me that I always had while I was gone, I changed my attitude toward things. I grew up. I managed to pick up the pieces enough and grow a new perspective strong enough to make me confident enough to come back here and even THEN, I STILL had to CONTINUE to change my attitude and my perspective on things and I was NEVER going to win this championship that I have here if I didn’t.  I STILL had to learn how to get over myself and let the past go, which is something you’ve lacked for so many years especially the former, to win this championship again. That’s what separates people like me from people like you in this business, Mercedes. I’m not going to tell you to hang them up. I’m not going to berate you for hanging on for too long. I mean, I’m sure Kayla may have that covered. But through my own experiences? I have realized that the issue with you, at least in my opinion, isn’t the fact that you’ve hung on for too long…It’s the fact that you’ve stuck to the same old attitude and the same old formula as your age grew in size and you’ve never been able to grow past the stubbornness that seemingly makes you resistant to any sort of change at all.

So maybe the next time you find yourself in a similar situation as this Sunday, you might want to think about letting yourself breathe and allowing yourself to grow up and develop a fresh perspective on your career, this company and how you approach things in professional wrestling. All I know is that come Sunday, even with the rivalry between us, Kayla and I are going to win this match because we both want to win and we’re focused on winning while you two are bickering and whining and either acting as if you have no chance to win because of who your partner is or taking this match as a punishment. How do you both have any hope of winning this thing when you can’t even trust each other for five minutes?

Kayla, all I have to say to you for now is… let’s kick some ass! You know… and I know… even if our reasonings for how it’s going to happen may differ to some degree… that we’ve got this and you know that I’m not going to fuck you over and leave you hanging.

I trust that you won’t do that to me either…

So for this one night?

Let’s put the rivalry aside…

Even though you and I both know after the match is over… it’ll be business as usual…

I wink at the camera, showing that I’m taking that in stride. But afterward, I shut it off and got even more hyper focused on what was to come.

From the perspective of the best friend…

“Andrea hasn’t been training with me for the rematch, Chelsea…” Myra Rivers tells me as I begin my special report Inception vlog. “The last time I saw her was before her match with Crystal, but something really snapped in her. I don’t know if it’s in a good way and that’s what worries me…”

I could only sigh knowing where Myra was coming from…

“Andrea is fine…” I reassure her. “She’s been approaching things differently. She’s been training with her oldest brother and they’ve been… bonding… shockingly. He used to bully her when…”

“Trust me, I know all about that. But is this the right thing for her?”

“You know more than anyone that sometimes, you have to do what you need to do to get to what you want. I mean, your approach now with your career is far different than when you were in SCW and the results for you have been so much better.”

“Touche…” Myra tells me. “Look, I have to go. Have fun with your special Inception vlog, alright?”

“I will…” I said with a smile as I hang up the phone. I exhale as I begin to speak.

“So HI, it’s been a while since SCW has seen me around, huh? Look, I’m trying to support Andrea here. She has no idea I am filming this. She’s going into this rematch at Inception and all and she’s SO focused on it and she’s really been acting differently. I never thought that she’d ever train with Roddy considering the abuse he put her through, some of which I have been unfortunate to witness…”

I approach Andrea’s mother’s house before I walk in.

“Going into this match, let’s get a sense of how her family is feeling. I mean, they were all understandably crushed with High Stakes…”

“Yes, I was…” admits Andrea’s mother as she walks into the shot. “...and she’s changed her approach. Some of it concerns me. But you know how I’ve always felt, Chelsea. She’s always been hard on herself. She definitely felt like her world might’ve been about to collapse after High Stakes and everything, but she did manage to pull things together very quickly. That being said? She has been distant since High Stakes, haven’t you noticed?”

I sighed, acknowledging this fact.

“Yeah. I’ve hung out with her, but it hasn’t been as frequent and it hasn’t been as long as usual. So, I wanted to get your thoughts or any information of exactly how distant she’s been.”

“High Stakes changed my daughter…” Andrea’s mother adds. “She recently blew up, literally, her past. That’s been a positive change. She has been focused more on being positive and less on beating herself up and allowing the past to consume her. Nobody feels worse about High Stakes than she does because she really feels like she should’ve won and would’ve won if she wasn’t making this a big redemption story. I’m proud of her for growing from this, but I wish it didn’t have to mean that she had to be distant…”

“I feel that. She is trying to grow as a person and I know that this means taking time to herself, but to be so caught up in it and focused on it. I don’t know, Mrs. Hernandez… Andrea has really pushed herself harder. It’s like losing at High Stakes awoke this beast in her that doesn’t want to let up.”

“Yes, but I’m worried about how she’ll handle it if she doesn’t win. When it comes to rematches against people that have beaten her for world titles in SCW…”

“NO! Don’t finish that thought! Please! We need to have our full support behind Andrea…”

“You know I’ll always have her back…” says the familiar voice of Eddie, her non-wrestling brother. He’s accompanied by his two daughters.

“Aunt Andrea is going to win!” her younger niece states.

“Yeah! We look up to her and everything and she’s our hero and we know she’s going to win it for us…” adds the older niece.

This definitely brought a warm feeling to my heart knowing that Andrea would appreciate their naive optimism and I wasn’t one to burst the bubbles of children at all.

“That’s the plan!” I said with some excitement my voice.

“Chelsea, you don’t think Andrea’s going to blow up at you over this, will you? I mean, considering she has no idea…”

“Eddie, it’s fine. Let’s do what we can to inspire her once she watches this, alright? Let’s keep it simple. What is your favorite moment of her career?”

“Every time she kicked Crystal Hilton’s BUTT…” the older niece answers right away, causing the whole room to laugh.

“I hate her, she’s stupid AF…” the older niece adds.

“HEY! Not in your grandmother’s house!” Eddie says. “I’d like to say that my favorite moment for Andrea was when she won the Festivus World Championship because she proved to herself that she’s a true blooded main event player and really healed her demons that night. The fact that she carried that title for a whole year really adds on to that. She just needs to transfer that experience to SCW and Inception and she can pull off the same thing.

“Mrs. Hernandez?”

“When she won the SCW Bombshells World Championship to begin with…” she says. “...she realized her dream for the first time and showed how strong she was although little did we know, she won it when she was going through so much darkness and everything. The pride she brought to our family that night was something we’ll never forget.”

“Me? Personally?” I began. “My favorite moment of hers was when she decided to go back. I kept telling her she had unfinished business. For months, I told her that she was going to go back someday because there was no way her last match should’ve been Bea Barnhart with her last title match moment being losing to a flash in the pan, you know? With all the shit Krystal Wolfe was talking about her, I knew she wasn’t going to let that slide and she’s been amazing since she went back.”

I could only smile, taking pride in being the best friend of someone so strong.

“We know what the girls think. But, you both be honest with me. Will Andrea win at Inception? Does she have enough in her to pull this off or have the recent changes been implemented too late? It takes so much to change your mindset and it usually doesn’t work right away. I’m not saying I don’t believe in her, but this is going to be an uphill battle.”

I hated saying it just as much as Mrs. Hernandez and Eddie hated to hear it. But in asking this question, I had to paint the picture of the reality of the situation. All of us knew that if this didn’t work out for Andrea, this was going to be her last shot. Yet, Eddie had a grim determination on his face showing faith in her.

“She won that title while she was self-destructing in darkness and when she was spiraling toward her weakest. So why not when she’s rising toward her strongest? She needs to trust herself and she needs to love herself and not beat herself down when things look bleak…”

“I concur with this…” Mrs. Hernandez adds. Andrea has done so many wonderful things with her back against the wall. The skill that she has to learn is how to let things roll off of her back. I worry that she may have started picking up this skill too late, but every time I talk to her, it feels like she’s picking up on that skill quickly. As long as she sticks to her script, she will win that championship even if it’s not at Inception. She can’t beat herself up or blow up any mistake. She doesn’t need to be perfect, she just needs to stick to her gameplan…”

“That’s perfectly well said…”

“You’ve got this, Andrea… I couldn’t have asked for a better daughter.”

“We love you!” her nieces add.

“Stay true to yourself… that’s all you need to do…” Eddie advises.

“Time to go surprise Andrea…” I said as I leave the house. “Thank you guys.”

I was walking as quickly as possible to the Hernandez training facility.

“I really hope Andrea doesn’t freak out when she finds out what I’m doing…” I say with a sigh. “...but I want to talk about how I’ve noticed the change too. When we were growing up, Andrea was living in a Disney world but she would often be discouraged and always break down when she was always told “no” about becoming a wrestler. I remember having to console her many times with that and still having to help her pull through her hardest losses after she turned pro. I wasn’t around when she had her mental breakdowns after Alicia and Evie. I was rehabbing and getting my own life together so I missed her first world title run. I regret that… but I’m not missing it the second time around!

 The familiar walk to the building wasn’t long but when I opened the door with the camera rolling, I saw Andrea and Roddy wrapping up a session. Andrea stood up after giving Roddy a bulldog and she saw me with the camera. She didn’t seem so thrilled about this.

“Chelsea, why are you filming?”

“I want the people to get a different perspective of you. But… holy hell… it’s so surreal to see you and Roddy training together and I’ve never seen you so focused and smooth between the ropes…”

“I really don’t need that camera, Chels…”

“Sis, it’s alright. I don’t mind. You’ve been working hard. Why not have a chat for a minute?”

Andrea rolls her eyes.

“Fine…”

I moved a bit to get a shot of them stepping over the ropes and onto the apron.

“Roddy… I want to ask you the first question. What have you noticed differently with Andrea since High Stakes?”

“She’s been talking less about the past. She’s not mentioning Alicia or Evie anymore. She doesn’t bring up Crystal. She doesn’t mention her last run in SCW. This isn’t about redemption for her anymore. She’s driven to be champion again. All she wants to focus on and talk about is how she’s too strong and too good of a wrestler to be just a one time world champion in SCW and how she wants to make that happen”

“I’ve been tuning out any hype too… about Kayla. As a matter of fact, where words used to bother me or where I feel like I HAD to defend myself against them, when I listened to what Kayla had to say about me, it was really in one ear, out the other. I just… didn’t care so much. Words are just words. I’m done crying about High Stakes or bawling about my dad’s death and things that happened in 2020. That’s over with.”

“Andrea took a while to get that fire in her again after that High Stakes gut punch…” Roddy adds. “But I’ve been teaching her how to have a short term memory with this and she’s catching on.”

“It was dumb and stupid of me to come back on that redemption kick…”

“Andrea, I don’t think so…” I told her. “That was your primary motivation to come back and there’s nothing wrong with that. You just had to have moved past it the moment you got the title shot. But, you learned that lesson. Now, I hate to ask this question and this is something that worries me but… what if you don’t win?”

Andrea sighs and facepalms at this while Roddy is shaking his head.

“Don’t ask that, Chelsea…” he says.

“I’m not worrying if that’s what you’re thinking. But, look what happened to Myra. You know that…”

“That was Myra…” Andrea says. “I love her and she’s always going to be the big sister I never had, but something I’ve been realizing lately is that for as much help as she’s been and for as willing as I am to go to her for help if needed, even now, her failures aren’t my failures. So Myra had two straight cracks at the title just like I will and it didn’t go her way. It sucked for her and it nearly drove her to retire. But, that’s not going to happen to me. That’s it. I’m not answering that question…”

“Andrea, even addressing it isn’t going to hurt your chances…” Roddy advises her. She rolls her eyes and continues.

“Fine. I’ll do what I need to do to win on Sunday. But Chelsea… I am done being defined by certain losses and certain people. Myra let those loses to Amber define her SCW career for a while and look what happened to her in the end. I admire the fact that she exploded after SCW and showed the world what they missed out on, but when I say it’s all in the past, I mean that. In fact, Roddy training me and working with me and the fact that we’re finally bonding after all these years has really filled the void left behind by my father when he died…”

This froze me with shock for a few seconds.

“I never thought I’d say this, but training with him is the best thing I could’ve ever done for my career and the fact that we’re working together proves that I’m not going to be defined by my past anymore. Forgiving him for how he treated me when we were kids is the most freeing feeling in the world. My childhood trauma has healed, Chelsea. I know that doesn’t ultimately determine whether I beat Kayla or not, but it proves that I’m stronger, that I’m rising above my pain, and that I’m pushing forward from that and continuing to grow…”

Hearing this from the girl I’ve known since we were both 9 years old really brought a smile to my face. Seeing as how this was my first real exposure to the “new Andrea”, I was beginning to understand the method to her madness and why she chose to distance herself after High Stakes up until now.

“Andrea, I am so happy for you and I’m so thrilled that after all these years, you’re finally on that path to healing and growing. My heart had been hurting for you so much over the years seeing you so hurt and heartbroken all the time when things didn’t go your way.”

“I’m done with that forever, girl…” she says with a smile. “I’ve got this. I’ve truly discovered the core of my ‘new self’  and I need to grow that to be the best that I can be. Sure, it’s a long term process. It might not win me the belt overnight. But I know that it WILL at SOME point and that point will be on Sunday. I KNOW that I’ve got this and even if god forbid I’m wrong, it’s not the end of the world and I’m going to be okay because the truth is, Chelsea? I’m forever done with being a victim instead of a champion. Going forward, losses like High Stakes will not define me. I mean that from the bottom of my heart that I’ll NEVER be a victim of my demons, my losses or my heartbreak again!”

I wanted to cry, but for the sake of the interview, I had to keep it together.

“I’ll leave you two alone…” Roddy says as he and Andrea embrace before he leaves.

“Got anything more to say to Kayla?” I asked her. She merely winked, took a deep breath, got herself into her “phoenix mode” so to speak, and went off…

“Kayla…” she began, “...I don’t know how you were raised. I don’t know what leadership lessons you took. I don’t know how you developed the mindset that you have. I don’t understand why you feel the need to bitch, ramble, meander about every little thing under the sun, but you do you. I’m not going to judge, but what I AM going to do is hold you accountable and what you do from there is up to you. Do you REALLY hear yourself talk? Because if you did, maybe there wouldn’t be a misunderstanding of people using the word “bully” toward you? Hell, why do you continue to care so damn much about what other people say about you? Why do you focus so much on how apparently, so many people root for you to fail? How can someone that has been so dominant for so long and who has accomplished what she has be that goddamn fragile? I guess I empathize a bit because for so long that used to be me, but what it tells me is that Inception isn’t the steep hill that it might be perceived as on paper. All I have to do is tick you off enough, push you to your mental limits, and push you JUST enough physically, all it takes is to make you doubt you can beat me for ONE second and you’re on the mat for three. It’s easier said than done, but my resolve has only gotten stronger since High Stakes, as I’ve told you before. You worry so much about semantics, like facing Mercedes and being complacent because you’re facing her and all of this stuff that’s a theory of yours at best and a fallacy at worse…

Facing Mercedes doesn’t make you weaker. It’s not the opponent. It’s your attitude toward facing them. What kind of use is that type of burden you’re placing on yourself? I mean, I’m not necessarily tooting my own horn about my wins over Ruby and Crystal, but I’ve never felt complacent because I faced them and I never worried about my skills eroding just because I faced them. To me, that tells me that you are someone that gets in your own head WAY too easily over the nitpicky fucking things and how your opponents have been unable to identify that and realize that they can attack this as a weakness is beyond me! The fact that you’re so wishy-washy about EVERYTHING, contradicting yourself from one minute to the next…

Saying that you wanted to face me again because I pushed you harder than anyone and because it’s what you wanted and because you wanted to experience it again and all of that… yeah, that’s noble on the surface…

Then you go around and bitch and moan about how because I was so close to beating you that there is “doubt” that you’re actually the best and how you’re hearing people say that if I had another shot, I’d beat you…”

I watched Andrea act as if what she just pointed out as giving her a migraine.

“Who is expressing this doubt and who is actually saying that sort of thing, Andrea? Because I’ve never found a tweet that says that and unless I missed any details on Climax Controls, nobody has come out on camera and actually SAID anything that Kayla claims she’s been hearing.”

“THANK YOU! WHO is doubting you about actually being the best, Kayla? WHO is saying that I’d beat you if I had another shot. I sure as fuck didn’t say that. I sure as fuck have never expressed that sort of doubt about you. WHO the FUCK is rooting for you to fail so openly because Chelsea makes a strong point. I haven’t heard a person on camera root for you to fail. Who the fuck is coming out and doing a ‘disservice to your legacy’? WHO? Tell me… WHO?

Is this ACTUALLY happening considering I’m NOT seeing this on the shows or on social media ANYWHERE? Or is this all just ‘the big lie’ in your head that you’re creating for yourself? And if so? WHY? To motivate yourself? WHO do you have to silence so fucking much? WHY do you need to shut people up? WHAT narrative do you need to destroy and WHY do you need to destroy it so bad? Because if I didn’t know any better, with all the shit you keep spewing, I’d think that you’re a psychopath that needs to pay a visit to Dr. Phil. That right there contradicts the ‘noble and honorable’ aspect of your actions. It’s not because you WANT to give me the rematch, it’s because you want to silence some imaginary voices in your head… or if they’re real, they’re not public in anyway… and even then, WHY give them ANY sort of attention? You are literally making the same god damn mistake that I was making when I lost that very championship that you hold right now and yet you’re so stuck up your own ass to realize it!

But YOU… YOU of all people… want to preach to ME about being a leader? YOU want to throw the epithet of “follower” at me just because…

SUPPOSEDLY, I didn’t come out of the gates as fast as YOU would’ve liked to come back at you again…

Which… you know that’s your prerogative, never mind the fact that when I broke my silence going into my match with Prudence Pierce, I came right out and said that nobody was cutting in front of me in the line to get another title shot and that I was going to get right back after it and do whatever had to be done. That’s all I need to say to defend that but really, I don’t answer to you and I don’t answer to anyone but still… YOU… a LEADER?

With WHAT leadership qualities? Because last time I checked, to be a leader, you need to be a strong person that knows what she is about and who doesn’t give a shit about what other people say about her or think about her…

…does that description suit you?

Let’s see… considering you’re so fucking focused on what other people say about you to the point of obsession and how you feel the need to silence the opinions of other people and feel the need to constantly point out that other people are rooting for you to fail…

I’m going to say no.

Last time I checked, if I’m not mistaken, a leader is someone that builds other people up, not tear other people down.

What about that description, Kayla? Does that fit you at all?

Let’s see…

All those times you’ve torn down Mercedes and Seleana for being past it… all those times you’ve told other Bombshells that they aren’t on your level… telling Mercedes that she needs to walk away, saying she’s old, all of those things… tearing down other people in general, albeit with the truth in some instances…

No…

And hey, last time I checked, a leader is someone that makes the most out of every situation with an attitude that sets an example for everyone else. Again, using your match with Mercedes as an example here, you could’ve just said that Mercedes is someone that you have to beat because you’re not going to lose your momentum or because you’re not going to open the door for her to sneak in and get a free title shot against you with a win against you and that you were going to do what you needed to do in order to establish yourself as the champion that you are.

THAT would’ve been perfectly fine and that would’ve shown some leadership qualities because you’re coming out and saying that you’re going to continue to show how it’s done, adversity be damned, opponent be damned, trap match with someone like Mercedes who still shows flashes here and there be damned. There wouldn’t have been ANYTHING wrong with that.

But what did “the leader” do, huh? Whine and bitch about being ignored, talking about how you’re unhappy with having to face her, how her beating you would be the death of your legacy and how it shouldn’t be allowed to happen, talking about how a loss to her would piss away all the amazing things that you’ve done and how it would kill the Bombshells division and all these other gross exaggerations about how one loss to Mercedes Vargas would… OH MY FUCKING GOD RUIN EVERYTHING!”

Andrea paused and even I couldn’t help but laugh as she rolled her eyes. I could tell that she was starting to become really annoyed, if not pissed, with Kayla’s attitude in general.

“...so having said all of that, Kayla, are you the kind of person that makes the most out of every situation? For the most part, yes. I will admit that you are. But do you do it with the kind of attitude that inspires other people to be better and that sets the example for others to follow? FUCK NO you don’t! Because THAT kind of attitude that you showed against Mercedes is completely unnecessary and completely unbecoming of a leader and is definitely NOT the example that you should be setting not just for the locker room, but for any impressionable young girl out there that watches our division. So don’t you dare fucking talk to me about being a follower and not a leader when you have NEVER shown any real ability to be a leader at all. How the fuck can you be a leader of anything when you set such a piss poor example with such a fucking horrible attitude? Tell me how you can be a leader when you’d rather tear people down as you’ve admitted tons of other times. Tell me how the fuck you can be a leader when you give so much of a fuck about what other people say about you, how other people perceive you, what other people think about your legacy and you’re constantly bitching about all of that, throwing a fucking tantrum like a spoiled little princess who was told “no” by her daddy when she asked if she could have a pony for Christmas!

Now, I’m not going to go around calling myself the best leader in the world or the best example of the whole locker room. Considering the shit I’ve done in the past that was far from honorable, I haven’t even earned the right to even use that term. Hell, I’m not even going to refer to myself as a leader in general but I know for a fact that you’re sure as hell not one yourself. So Kayla, don’t fucking lecture me about something that you have proven on numerous occasions you’re nowhere close to being yourself. If you want to be that self-absorbed, then you do you. But what it comes down to, in my book, considering the way you’ve been acting especially since High Stakes with paying too much attention to other voices: real, imaginary, and otherwise, is that you got spooked by the fact that I gave you the hardest challenge of your reign so far and you want to snuff me out and beat me again just to silence the doubts in your head that I had to have put in there.

You can puff out your chest and act like the division’s boogeywoman all you want to and you can continue to prove to me that you’re not changing or evolving a fucking bit considering you’ve got the same attitude now as you’ve had your whole career and you’ve even admitted that you see no need to evolve and change anything because of how much it’s working, but while your in-ring acumen is impressive, now I see your attitude and your bravado for what it really is… and it’s FRAGILE! Come Inception, I will do what I have to do! I will expose that. Unlike you, I’m not coming into this match, this time around, needing to silence anyone or anything. I’m not needing to fix the past. I’m not needing to redeem myself. I’m not needing to prove myself to you or to any fucking person because the only person I need to prove a fucking thing to is me, myself and I. Period! I don’t need to destroy anyone’s narrative. I don’t need to prove anyone wrong, not like you. If you want to stay in that bullshit, then you stay in that bullshit and you do so at your own peril because with that type of attitude that you have, you are truly setting yourself up for failure. High Stakes isn’t going to define me because I’m not like you. I don’t let losses define me like you do… or I suppose in your case, a possible loss define you like how a possible loss to Mercedes was SOMEHOW going to destroy YOUR LEGACY!

I don’t let other people’s narratives and opinions and perception fuel me like you do…

The truth is, Kayla?

For as good as you are and as dominant as you’ve been?

You’re really not as scary as other people say or think you are or as you try SO HARD to make other people believe.

I know that now…

And with that knowledge on top of all the knowledge I’ve gained since High Stakes?

I know that I can, and that I will, beat you and that I WILL be world champion! Considering everything I exposed today, WHY should ANYONE be intimidated by someone like you?”

My jaw dropped in shock at how Andrea completely went off. She slid off the ring apron and smiled at me.

“Let’s get some lunch, Chelsea…”

I smiled and laughed at this, but inside? As I shut the camera off? I believed in her more than I ever have in our 20 plus year friendship…

January 5

I was in Miami at Myra Rivers’s wrestling school. We took some time to train together as it had been a while since we had done that. The training was going fine, but during a brief intermission, I was sitting at the side of the ring when I had just learned that I was going to have a rematch against Kayla Richards at Inception. This was followed by the announcement that I was going to be facing Crystal Hilton.

“Talk about a double shot…” I thought to myself and it was at this point that despite the vigor that I had shown after the fact leading into my previous match against Prudence in regards to facing Kayla again, suddenly, that whole match at High Stakes was starting to come back to me. I was beginning to feel it all over again from a psychological standpoint and unlike Thanksgiving not that long after the fact, it was from a negative standpoint. I already knew that the way I reacted in the short term was just a numbness reaction that had suppressed how I really felt.

But now that it’s been a bit of a longer time, that numbness was gone and I couldn’t hide it anymore.

I was feeling really sick to my stomach. I had that empty, garbage feeling all over again. I thought back to the way that the match ended and all the parallels between my first run and this current run that I was on and all of that cruelness that I had previously expressed to Chelsea LeClair about six weeks ago was coming back to haunt me again.

As a professional wrestler, there are few feelings worse than losing a match just because your body didn’t have enough fight in it.

I thought about that, and it stung.

“The only thing worse than that is quitting…” I reasoned with myself.

Then I remembered that the last time I faced Crystal in SCW, that’s exactly what I did.

Thankfully, Myra’s returning presence prevented me from even going down that rabbit hole. Even then, she glanced at me, saw that I was basically white as a ghost, and she knew something was wrong.

“What happened?” Myra asked me. “You’ve been training pretty good in there. You’re not thinking otherwise, are you?”

“No, it’s got nothing to do with that. I just found out I’ve got a rematch at Inception…”

“Great!” Myra said and she was clearly happy for me for that split second before she realized quickly that I wasn’t so thrilled about it. “I thought this was what you wanted right You were talking about being front of the line and going for it all over again…”

“I jumped the gun JUST a little bit on that…” I admitted with a sigh. “Look, I don’t want to talk about that right now. Let’s just get back in there and keep working on what needs to be worked on.”

Myra sighed, but she knew she wasn’t getting anything else out of me.

“Fine…” she said as she went back in the ring. I did as well trying to shut it off from my mind, but when we resumed wrestling against each other, she was completely squashing the hell out of me. She was countering everything I threw at her when I was really coming at her strong, fast and like a house of fire. The more she was beating the hell out of me, the more frustrated I got before I was completely off my game. She had me set up for one of her finishers, but she let out an angry sigh.

“It’s like you’re a completely worse wrestler right now. This isn’t you. We’ve got to talk about it, Andrea. You can’t avoid it. This is clearly bothering you. Why the hell is this bothering you?”

“I can’t say I’m over High Stakes honestly…”

“You better get over it quickly, Andrea.”

“It was the biggest stage of the year, world title match, literally in the best shape of my life, wrestling basically one of the best matches of my career, and it wasn’t enough. You’ve never been in that situation.”

“You remember that title for title match I had with Amber, right?”

I was swallowing that last sentence at this point.

“Touche. Myra, all I can think about is how it doesn’t seem fair that it went the way it did. I hate to think that. But what else could I have done in that match? What more was there left for me to do? I know that I hung onto the past too much and that weighed me down, but something like that isn’t just going to…”

“Sadly, it happens when the other wrestler is better somehow and there’s nothing you can do about it in the moment.”

Myra sat down in the corner and I was right there with her.

“It hurts… to lose on the biggest stage like that… in front of my FAMILY… to lose it like THAT… and I hid it for a while but I was just numb to it because I didn’t want to face that pain. It sucked to lie to Chelsea that I was ‘okay’ when I really wasn’t. Now, I don’t feel like I let anyone down… other than me of course. I puffed out my chest saying ‘front of the line’ to be strong when really, I was faking it. So yeah, finding out just now about Inception and I’m mixed between feeling like it was a pity grant and feeling like maybe I shouldn’t be having this so soon. I mean…”

“Stop it, Andrea…” Myra said with her eyes narrowing with a bitter anger that I’ve become all too familiar with. “I can’t take this from you anymore. This is triggering to me because I’m getting flashbacks right now to the last 12 months of my own SCW run. I’m glad that you’re getting these feelings out of your system but I really need you to get the fuck over yourself, get the fuck over these feelings and quit it with the guilt tripping and self-doubting. This is unacceptable!”

I was taken aback by what she just said.

“I’m not going to let you make the same mistake I did, so you better fucking listen to what I’ve got to say here.”

“The same mistake you made?”

“I mentioned that title for title match. Yeah, that was the most heartbreaking loss I had when I was there. I was devastated just like you are and just like you did, I wanted to be brave and jump right back in there without thinking about it rationally. And yes, I got that rematch against her… but rather than give it a rest for a cycle and try to run it back for High Stakes, I wanted that stupid, instant gratification coming out of a heartbreaker and it ended up being Violent Conduct, with that exploding barbwire thing, a match I CLEARLY had a massive disadvantage in, and I went into that honestly never believing I was going to win. I see the same patterns ith you and I’m not going to allow it. You’re going to beat Kayla. I believe it. Chelsea believes it. Your family believes it. I just need YOU to believe it! You don’t stand a chance if you go in with this attitude and I’m not going to allow you to do that.”

“I understand, Myra. I’m sorry. I just had to get it out because I couldn’t hold it in anymore.”

“I’m GLAD that you did! That’s growth! That’s showing that you can focus on what’s ahead and currently, from what I just learned myself during our intermission, that seems to be an old foe…”

I sighed, knowing Crystal was coming.

“Crazy… after that elimination chamber, she was my next major match. Stupid parallels… but wait, fuck that! FUCK the parallels! Fuck history repeating itself! In fact, FUCK history period!”

Myra smiled knowing that i was coming out of it.

“I know the last time you faced her in SCW… yeah, FUCK that! Don’t you fucking dare make the match about avenging that or settling your past with her. FUCK the redemption story, Andrea. You’ve completed that already! you’re so lucky you’re realizing this considering I didn’t when I was in your shoes during the Amber debacle…”

“It’s not going to be about that. I’m turning the page. I’m over it. I’ll do what I have to do to move forward. What happened with Crystal didn’t define me and neither will High Stakes…”

“Good!” Myra tells em as she stands up and helps me back up. “Now show me that fire, alright?”

I nodded before our session resumed and while I was able to get back on track for the moment, even the strongest piece of my psyche knew that said history with Crystal wasn’t necessarily something I could ignore…

January 8

…considering…

I was in front of the television in my mother’s living room watching back that High Stakes match at the moment. The good news is that I wasn’t watching it back with any bitterness, anger, depression or any other negative emotion.

It was definitely a sign that I was over it.

The bad news is that Roddy, my oldest brother, suddenly came in and unplugged the TV right before the ending of that match against Crystal.

“Excuse you? I was watching that!” I said with anger in my voice.

“You shouldn’t be watching that shit.”

‘“Who the fuck asked you? You were in prison at the time.”

“And HOW is watching back that match against Crystal productive?”

“You remember ‘tape study’ right? I’m seeing either where I went wrong or where she went right. There’s nothing more to it than that.”

“Yeah, because a match from 2020 still FUCKING MATTERS…”

I was getting annoyed with his aggressiveness, but noticeably, I felt this tingling sensation in my spine feeling like we were little kids bickering with each other again.

“You’ve gone way uphill since then, she’s gone the opposite. Simple. Do I need to remind you that you’ve never liked Crystal and that you’ll never be friends with her? That alone should be enough motivation for you if not trying to build momentum for Inception.”

I narrowed my eyes with anger. My father, of course, would get away with saying this. People like Myra and Chelsea, most likely. Eddie, my closest brother? Absolutely. But the brother that rooted against me at one point and beat the shit out of me in the closet and thought I’d never amount to anything at one point? I wasn’t going to take that crap from him.

“This is why you wanted to even talk to me again? So you can suddenly dictate my career and act like the same fucking dick that you were when we were kids? Fuck yourself! You don’t get to just waltz back into my life, put on this fake shitshow that you did, only to show your true colors! I’m not standing for it.”

Roddy was taken aback by my anger.

“Hey… let’s cool the jets. Fucking Christ, Andrea! I’m trying to be helpful. I just don’t think a match that has honestly become so irrelevant…”

“You go through that match yourself and tell me it’s irrelevant…”

“It’s not going to help you. I’m doing the one thing that I’ve never done as a brother and that’s look out for you. This is me trying to prove to you that I can be here for you because the truth is, I saw that match in prison. I saw you say ‘I Quit’ and the moment you said that, I saw the pain and hurt in your eyes and I saw all the abuse I put you through and from that moment forward, I felt horrible about how I treated you and I felt like I was partially responsible for you being at the rock bottom you were when that match happened. That’s why I don’t want you watching that shit. It hurt me to see you like that and I feared after High Stakes I was going to see that again. Thank fuck that’s not the case, but I’m not letting it happened again. You’ve suffered enough, Andrea… especially because of me…”

I suddenly felt some guilt go through me and then I realized that I was the one that was acting in the wrong.

“I’m sorry.”

“When you lost that match to her and I saw that pain in your eyes, I made it a mission that I was going to help you in any way that I could.”

“I don’t know how to feel about this. You mean to tell me that some GOOD actually came out of that match?”

“I’m not the horrible monster I used to be…”

“Forgive me. I’m still not exactly used to you being nice to me. I’m going through plenty as you know and I’m working past High Stakes. I’m so sorry that you had to see that…”

“Don’t be sorry, be better….” Roddy said with a sigh. “...I want to help you somehow. I know what you’re capable of. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. I want to see you win that title and beat Kayla. I want you to grow. You’re the one carrying the torch for our family and I want to see that torch passed on to the next generation. I know you don’t know my daughter that well all things considered, but your journey in the ring has made you her favorite aunt, you realize this right?”

I could only chuckle at this for a bit as I sat down on the couch.

“So all three of my nieces see me as that, huh? Let me guess, she wants to be a wrestler too just like Eddie’s girls?”

“Exactly! You’re not only inspiring the 6th generation of our family legacy, you’re also inspiring what might be the second generation of women in our family doing this and that’s something I want to see through so help me, help you.”

It was a hell of a positive feeling hearing what I just heard. I was thrilled about it really. I was already imagining the possibility of all three of my nieces being wrestlers one day and if it’s because I inspired it to happen, then that was something I wanted to see through in my own right. Suddenly, I felt like I had a new purpose for doing what I do: not to overcome the past and seek the redemption, but to keep that torch in the family strong to pass it on to the next generation and keep pushing for the future. I was smiling at this point but I also knew that with my past with Roddy not being so great, that this could also be too good to be true.

“How can you help me? You’ve been out of practice with this for so long.”

“I’ve picked up training once I got out. I mean, I’m probably never going to be hired anywhere, but dad showed me and taught me some things that he never got to show you. I can contribute if you’re able to move past old times and let me. The fact that you didn’t at High Stakes is what cost you and even you know that.”

“You said it just like Dad would’ve…”

I sighed.

“If there’s any way you can, I’m all ears, okay?”

“I’m happy to see you can look past all the pain that I ever put you through and if you master just that in SCW, you’ll be world champion again.”

I got teary eyed in a happy way as we shared an embrace.

“I’m so glad that you’re finally wanting to be my brother!”

“It’s way overdue. I’m here for you for whatever you need. Keep turning that page and you’ll never have to worry about the past hurting you or weighing you down ever again.”

I composed myself and I turned the television on again. The I Quit match with Crystal was still on pause, but I suddenly clicked a “trash can” button to delete it off that television.

That’s when I realized I really knew how to let go…

January 10

The camera was on me as I had plenty to talk about and think about. As I thought back to High Stakes, I knew I’ve had to have a bit of a journey just to get back to the point where I a at and I still had a ways to go. But I knew that beating Crystal Hilton was what was going to keep the fight going and when I spoke my mind, I knew I couldn’t let up.

“Facing Crystal Hilton has never been easy for her even though I have beaten her more often than she has beaten me. We’ve got a very convoluted history with each other that started with my first run here and when she tried to be my friend from the jump even though I personally never wanted that and to rip the band-aid off right away, I still don’t Sorry Crystal, but it’s too hard to ignore the fact that my career has always been better without you in it.  Yes, I know the parallels between my two runs here. In my first run, I had a world title match and I lost and then in the next supercard, who was my opponent? You were. So, I’m coming off of that loss at High Stakes and now I am facing you again. Wait, who was my other loss at that event years ago? You were. Who did I beat to get myself back on track before when it came to the world title? Right, that was you. So… UGH! Yeah, the de ja vu is starting to get really fucking annoying. So, as tempting as it may be for me to say “let’s repeat history all over again” or to say “time to avenge that High Stakes loss and overcome yet another piece of my past”, that’s NOT going to be the case. Yes, the history is there. Yes, the parallels are there, but I’m saying fuck that because like I preached before, it’s time for me to quit focusing on my fucking past here and all the pain and all the heartbreak and all of that shit and it’s time for me to turn the page and look a head to a new purpose and a new future…

That’s the kind of attitude that has been the difference between you and me before and it’s going to be that difference yet again…

That difference in attitude is why it only took me ONE redemption just to turn things around for me here and to regain the respect that I had flushed down the toilet around here before while you’ve had many redemption attempts in your time here and whether it’s because you give up so easily, end up coasting and relying on your reputation or because it’s too fucking easy for you to fall back into old attitudes and old habits all over again, you just can never be consistent and you can never complete that redemption. You’ve had that history of bitching about not being respected enough and you’ve even tries so hard to be my friend even NOW and it’s just the same repetitive pattern over and over and over again. Can you still be as good as you’ve been? I believe that you can. You’re only what? A couple of years removed from a Roulette Championship run here? Yet, for all your stops and starts, comings and goings and everything in between, you STILL can’t get ANY consistency going around here. You’ve reached a point where people are beginning to treat you the same way people used to treat Mercedes vargas and Jessie Salco. People aren’t seeing you as that big name Hall of Fame member like they used to. They see you and they think you’re someone trying too hard to hang on for too long.

What’s this whole thing that you’re doing going to amount to anyway, Crystal? I don’t wish evil on you. I am not openly rooting against you or anything, but up until this point, you’ve been in and out the door and you have struggled to really gain any traction here in so long because i truly, honestly, don’t think you want it in Sin City Wrestling nearly as much as you once did. I compare the Crystal that you are NOW compared to the one that I wrestled four years ago and it’s like night and day. Whether it’s because you’ve got your nose in other companies and focusing so hard on other places or whether you’re coasting here or whatever, that fire just isn’t there anymore. You seem to be far more fixated on your hotel or whatever it si you’re doing then you are about your time here as an SCW Bombshell. If you want to run your own business, you do you. But you can’t just go into this half hearted and if anyone in this company should know that, it’s you. Four years ago, when we were at each other’s throats for so long, you wanted my ass on a platter. You wanted to kill me. Hell, you even wanted to stab me in the eye at one point and you were one of the most fiery competitors there could be on the roster. You even, after you beat me at that one High Stakes a few years back, managed to regain the SCW Bombshells World Championship and everything.

What the hell happened to you, Crystal?

What happened to that wrestler that wanted to get revenge on me so bad?

What happened to the lights, camera, action chick that acted like she owned the spotlight?

Does she even exist anymore? Because your performances recently come nowhere close to what I just described. Your performances recently seem like they are coming from either someone that is just taking up roster space to collect a paycheck or someone that just hangs around and doesn’t care as much about that spotlight nearly as much as she once did. You were telling Young Justice that you’re no stepping stone or anything like that and you really SHOULDN’T be…

But you’ve been wrestling like it for the most part as of late.

You talk about how you don’t want to be made fun of by ‘women that couldn’t lace your boots’ and let me tell you one thing Crystal, when you’re dropping a mundane, Indy scene insult like that ‘lace your boots’ line, then that really shows me that you don’t care nearly as much about this as you once did. But back to the point, you complain about that, yet, with your lackluster performances lately, you INVITE being made fun of. I guess the one aspect of you that really didn’t change from four years ago until now is that you still seem to lack any sense of being able to take responsibility for your own actions or lack thereof?

I’ll be honest with you Crystal…

I hate to say what I am about to say because at heart, I really DON’T want to say it but at the same time, it’s a truth that shouldn’t be ignored.

We’ll never be friends.

We might be on good terms at some point, but we’ll never be friends.

And what’s even harsher?

Here’s what I REALLY don’t want to say by the way…

I’m GLAD we never became friends and I will gladly tell you why I feel that way. Because the truth is, had we ever been friends, your worst habits would’ve rubbed off on me. Had we been friends, I would’ve turned out to be very similar to you and when I first came to this company any years ago, I knew about you, I knew that your reputation wasn’t the greatest and that’s what made me skeptical of you. Yeah, that’s admittedly prejudice of me and that might come off as shallow to some, but how could I ignore that? I’m glad we never became friends because I would’ve picked up some of your behaviors that wouldn’t have been so wonderful.

What you saw out of me four years ago is basically a taste of what I would’ve been for the rest of my career had we ever been friends and THANK FUCK I snapped out of it. In a harsh, roundabout sort of way, I basically saved my career by not being friends with you and it hurts my soul to say that because that’s not the kind of person I am, generally but I’d feel even worse about sugar coating this or even worse, lying. I used to feel this hatred of you all those years ago. I used to feel this bitterness toward you for so long largely because you tried to force your way into my life at one point. I used to be heated about you because I knew if there was one woman around here that I could consider a heated rival, it was absolutely gong to be you…

But times have changed…

I’ve changed…

I’ve become a far better wrestler that I was back then and I’ve proven that with how I was able to come back here, do what I do, win the Belle of the Brawl tournament and go to High Stakes…

You? Well, you personally haven’t changed but in a Sin City Wrestling ring, you’ve gotten progressively worse and the worst part is, you’ve allowed it to happen.

Before? I looked at you and I felt what I felt as I described moments ago.

Now? I look at you and I don’t feel a fucking thing.

The Andrea of old would’ve come in here wanting to avenge that High Stakes loss from 2020 to make it part of her ‘facing and overcoming the past’ campaign that was going on leading up to High Stakes…

But after losing at High Stakes, I realize that I can’t be all about the past and that I have to just come to terms with it all… meaning that it’s not worth being angry at you for the past. It’s not worth being angry at Alicia Lukas, or Evie Jordan or Keira, or Roxi or anyone that I pissed off or that I was pissed off at from the last time I was here. It’s just not. I’m moving above and beyond that now. Maybe in a weird way, losing at High Stakes was probably the best thing that could’ve happened for my wrestling present and future. I can’t say that for sure, Crystal. Yet, despite being above the past, I know deep down that I still have to treat you like I did in 2020 as the serious threat that you were at the time to the world championship because even though you have struggled for the most part since you came back for this 50th go around or whatever number it is for you here in Sin City Wrestling, even though I’ve seen your matches and how you seem unmotivated at times, I KNOW in the back of my mind that if there’s ONE opponent and ONE match that can get you motivated, it’s me!

I’m not stupid to look right past you like that.

I’m the ONE opponent you’ll probably bring out your best for and I don’t know if I should take that as a show of respect for me in this weird, backhanded sort of way or if I should take that as an insult to the company. Actually, you know what?

I’ll take it for what it is, whatever it may be. I’m not going to worry about it. That’s something out of my control. Either way Crystal, this match for me isn’t about proving that I’ve overcome the past. This match for me isn’t about toppling a demon of mine from X amount of years ago. This match for me is to build momentum for Inception AND it’s also to show the world exactly how different our paths have been since four years ago and exactly why I’ve been able to grow and get better and continue to push toward the top of my game with all the passion in my heart while you’ve seemingly lost your heart for this and continue to spin in circles as you have in this company for the last good while now.

It’s a much different ballgame now, Crystal.

And as far as our history is concerned?

This is where I turn the page and move forward instead of being fueled by the past. Ironically? I don’t think any other match or opponent would have served as that bridge for me. I suppose in that sense it is fitting.

Godspeed with the rest of your career here and whatever live brings you…

I take a bit of a sigh knowing I basically said goodbye to one last piece of the past that I had here, yet when I shut off the camera? I was feeling very happy that I took the first step on the bridge that was finally going to get me to leave said past behind.

11-17-2024

These days, it’s incredibly rare to have any one on one time with my mother. But the day after I released my fiery first promo for my High Stakes match, it was just the two of us having dinner together up in Sedona. We had already gone over the typical life updates both ways at this point and after my mother took a sip of some water she was having, she caught me off guard by bringing up the one thing that was generally taboo when it came to our relationship.

“Can I just say that as a mother, there’s no greater sense of pride in the world than her own daughter displaying how strong she has become?”

“I can only imagine. Why? What did I do?”

“That promotional video you released yesterday had me crying….”

I gasped, not sure if the bigger surprise was my mother’s emotions of the moment or that she went out of her way to watch that. She had never been a fan of professional wrestling whatsoever and she was never, especially, a fan of me being involved in it.

“...I’m so happy for you that you’ve finally found your way.”

“Wait, so does that mean that you’re… going to Tucson with us?”

“Why is that a question? Of course I’m going! I wouldn’t miss that match for the world. It’s one of the biggest matches of your career.”

“I’m shocked, but touched, considering over the years you’ve been wanting me to stop wrestling… especially that awful summer four years ago…”

“When you mentioned wanting this, I didn’t take it seriously at first. But while you were growing up and not letting go of the idea, I knew it was serious. I know I was vocal against you doing this but I was worried about you getting hurt and letting that business consume you the way it had your father and your ancestors on his side of your family. They didn’t like me because they thought I married your father because of his career, but the truth is, it was in SPITE of it. If it were up to me, none of my children would be involved with wrestling.”

“Yet, you still support me…”

“I’m no fan of professional wrestling, but with you, I’ve come around. You overcome your worst darkness from years ago and in the long run, I was wrong about your career being a horrible thing for you. Perhaps my concerns were misplaced after all…”

I sighed, knowing that my mother regrets that she was vocally opposed to my wrestling career for years, even as recent as last year.

“They weren’t misplaced…” I told my mother. “You had every right to have them, especially four years ago when things were really that bad for me and that would be the closest I’ve ever been to just being done with the business at all. I’m sorry, that four years ago, you ended up seeing the literal manifestation of your worst nightmare about me and my wrestling career play out in front of the entire world like that. I can only imagine it was heartbreakingly horrible for you to see me constantly suffer that way.”

The sad expression that just formed on my mother’s face for the moment confirmed that for me.

“It was. You collapsed so hard just because you felt like certain losses proved a bunch of vapid idiots over there right and I always knew that you were better than that. Your shortcomings don’t prove anyone else right because they don’t matter.”

“Myra taught me how to think differently, mentioning that the only truth that matters is the truth that comes from within…”

“That’s exactly it.”

“Even then, it took me a hell of a long time to truly master that mantra and to finally learn how to block out all the noise from other people. I didn’t return to SCW at all until I was SURE I had mastered it. I’ve had a couple of opponents try that same shit with me already and I’ve even got a person or two that I haven’t even bothered mentioning extensively trying to throw dirt at me but it just doesn’t bother me at all.”

“That’s great…” my mother said. “There is absolutely no reason in the world why it should.”

“I’m at the best that I’ve ever been at all facets of the game and I’ve not wavered. I haven’t collapsed. I haven’t even come close. It’s such a coincidence that this year’s High Stakes is in Tucson considering that’s where I had my first SCW loss and things started to snowball for the worse, but ultimately it’s fitting that I’m regaining that world title there.”

“You’re going to win as long as you don’t let Kayla bother you…” my mother predicted.

“This isn’t 2020 anymore. From the moment that the match became official, I’ve known I’m going to win.”

“I’ve felt it since the moment you finally pinned Alicia…” my mother said with a smile. “I know you’ve got this and it’s going to mean the world to me to see it in person.”

My mother and I embraced at this point and I left that conversation more confident than ever that I was going to pull through at High Stakes.

11-19-2024

I wasn’t heading down to Tucson just yet. I headed to Flagstaff and found myself at my older brother’s front door. I rang the doorbell and Eddie was surprised to see me.

“I thought you’d be in Tucson right now.” he said.

“What? Is that the way you say hello to someone that’s about to become the SCW Bombshells World Champion for the second time?” I asked with a laugh.

Eddie could only smirk and I knew that he was loving my confidence.

“By all means…” he said as he stepped aside and allowed me to walk in. He shut the door behind me and I got right to the point.

“Obviously, as High Stakes has gotten closer I’ve been doing much thinking and reflecting. I’ve thought about my journey not just in SCW, not just my entire career, but from the moment I was a five year old little girl with the big dream of becoming a professional wrestler.”

“Trust me, it boggles my mind that you’re already 30.”

“I wanted to tell you straight up before we go to Tucson that all these years, I’ve known that you were the one person that has been behind me on this and has encouraged me and looked out for me from the very beginning.”

Eddie seemed a little surprised as he sat down on the couch and I sat down in kind.

“You’ve protected me. You’re the one person in the family that never shot down my dream. Sure, Mom and Dad came around, but they were against me doing this, as you know. I never said thank you for being the one person that got through to Dad when you decided you didn’t want to be a wrestler and when you stood up to him and told him to get over himself and the family’s outdated sexist nonsense and just allow me to be a wrestler because I was the one that really wanted it.”

“Do you realize how difficult it was to have that conversation?”

I nodded.

“Thank you for being the one person that never gave up on me and that made this whole thing possible and you’ve got far more of a role in what’s about to happen on Sunday than you can ever realize. Even when I was rock bottom as I was two to four years ago, you never gave up on me when most people would’ve or maybe even should’ve!”

“Remember a couple of years back when I told you that I didn’t want to have you around me until you left SCW?”

I had to bite the inside of my lower lip the moment he brought that up as I knew that it was far from my proudest moment.

“I hate that you did that…” I admitted.

“Do you honestly think I enjoyed doing that? Because I sure as hell did not. But, it was something that had to be done because being in that company at that time was destroying you and I couldn’t stand to see you that way. I know back then, you felt like I was giving up on you but you know now that I was trying to push you to start bettering yourself and to have the best mental heath that you could have. It was tough love, but I don’t regret forcing that ultimatum on you.”

“You could’ve just cut me off completely and permanently but you didn’t and again, that just shows you how much faith you had in me to be the best person that I can be.”

“I’m seeing it right now and I couldn’t be happier for you. If Dad was still here…”

He stopped the moment I sighed at what he just said.

“It’s so hard knowing that he’s missing this…”

“I understand. But we both know he’d be proud of you if he was. He’d be thrilled that there’s hope for a sixth generation of our family legacy…”

“I’m su… wait. How? I don’t have any children nor am I seeing anyone…”

“You’ve inspired my two daughters so much, especially lately, that THEY want to be wrestlers one day.”

My eyes perked up and lit up when I heard this.

“They’re going to Tucson also…”

“Hey now, don’t pressure me…” I said with a laugh.

“I’m just telling you the deal and that’s how good you’ve created your own situation, Andrea. The fact that you’ve inspired the next generation of our family, think about that, what’s at stake, what winning that championship again would mean not just to you, but to all of us.”

“I have to an extent and considering how strong our relationship has always been from our earliest memories and all, this world championship I’m about to win will be just as much yours and your daughters as it will be mine. Thank you so much for looking out for me and protecting me all these years…”

“I don’t need to protect you anymore…” he responded causing me to move in for an embrace. “...you’ve grown into an incredibly strong woman now. You’ve got this…”

We paused, before our conversation shifted to other family topics. That growing unity within our family as High Stakes drew closer was definitely a source of inspiration I didn’t know I needed.

I went to bed that night feeling that glow in me. Yet, in the back of my mind, as I fell asleep, I felt like the puzzle was missing one more piece…

There I was again…

The same building and ring that my father trained me in. The lights in it where definitely glowing brighter than before and I was a bit stunned by this as I leaned into the corner, head on the turnbuckle, running through my thoughts and knowing what I was about to face was going to be a hell of a challenge, but one I wasn’t losing faith in overcoming at all.

“Some comeback…” I heard.

I widened my eyes and felt some denial go through me only to turn around and see my father standing right in front of me.

“Dad?!?!?!”

“Did you honestly think I was going to miss this?”

“Of course not but if only you actually COULD be there… for real! I’m about to score probably one of the biggest wins of my career and all after two years of such unreal growth and the obstacles I’ve had to destroy just to even come close to getting to this point. It’s crazy how I went from a disgrace that was getting constantly mocked and ridiculed after I left to suddenly being one win away from winning back the title that I know in my heart was taken from me far too soon. I can only imagine how it all would’ve been if you were physically there for everything.”

“Your confidence and seeing how it’s grown has made me a proud father, Andrea. But, let me ask you this. What if you don’t pull through? What will you do? How would you be able to cope with that. You’ve lost big matches in SCW before and just about every time you have, it’s caused you to be destroyed in some way.”

Confusion poured over me and I was wearing it on my face. I couldn’t understand why he would ask that.

“That was then. Honestly, that ‘what if’ question hasn’t crossed my mind and I’m sorry if that disappoints you.”

My father laughed before he responded. “THANK GOD.”

“Thank god?”

“If you’re as confident as you say you are, you don’t even give the ‘what if’ question the time of day. I was testing you and now I know you’re truly ready. But if worse comes to worse…”

“Nope! That’s a ‘cross the bridge if it ever comes’ situation!”

“PERFECT! You’ve got it! FINALLY! The family legacy is in the most secure hands it could be and with seeing you grow and evolve as you have from the depths of despair you were in years ago, I have to tell you, Andrea… you have truly made me realize that all along, you were a father’s dream as a daughter.”

“Really?” I said, surprised and happily teary-eyed. “Daddy, I… oh my gosh… you know, I spent all these years imagining what it was like to finally achieve that level of respect and approval from you especially considering you didn’t initially want me to be a wrestler at all and now… oh my god, I thought I forever disappointed you all those years ago.”

“You could never disappoint me, princess. It hurt like hell knowing the situation you were in, but I knew the entire time that when you got out of it, you were going to be stronger and what I see before me is someone that has shown she can carry the torch on her own. I’ll always be in your heart, you know that. But I wanted to tell you not just how proud of you I am, seeing what you’ve become, but also goodbye.”

“What? Goodbye?”

“I’ve done what I can from the ‘beyond’ so to speak, to guide you and help you.”

“Dad…”

“You’ve grown so much that you don’t need me anymore. The torch is officially yours now. Your future has never been brighter now that you’ve overcome all the darkness from the past that turned your SCW dreams into a nightmare the first time you were there. You’ve overcome every fucking major hurdle you can face to be complete across the board… except for Kayla, but that’s coming. I got one more request for you…”

“Consider it fulfilled when I beat her…”

My father laughed, catching me off guard.

“I wasn’t talking about the title. You’ve got that.”

“So what’s this request then?”

“”Give me a granddaughter damn it…” he said with a laugh. “...someone that can be truly inspired by your journey and who can carry the torch herself.”

“I can’t promise that, but I’ll try.”

“Good…” he said as we shared one final embrace. “...I love you princess! I’ll see you again someday.”

“I love you too! Thank you for everything you’ve ever done for me.”

Suddenly, everything flashed…

11-20-2024

I woke up in my own bed back in Phoenix, touched that at long last, my father’s death and the darkness it brought into my life was finally overcome.

I knew in my spirit that I was finally, fully healed from his death and it was the most freeing feeling I’ve ever felt.

“There’s nothing that is going to stop me from my fullest potential now…” I thought to myself. “...thanks Dad, for that final push… that final heal…

I’m ready to show the world the final stage of the evolution of the Phoenix that always burned inside of me…”

In that moment, I had never felt more inspired about my wrestling career…

11-22-2024

Not for a second did my faith continue to waver even when I was in Tucson at this point. It felt great to finally be here when I didn’t have any regrets or bitterness from the past weighing me down anymore. Still, the camera was on me in the Cathedral of Saint Augustine, the very location that was associated with the beginning of the snowball…

“Four years ago, I had lost to Alicia Lukas and this was the first place I went after I left the building. I came in here to say a prayer of forgiveness to my ancestors that I felt that I had let down and it wasn’t my best moment at all. It was in this church where my former descent to darkness and madness started. I come back here, at last, a healed woman. Everything from the past from the crap I dealt with in SCW to my father’s death, especially the latter, I am as healed as I can be from this and I know going into Sunday that for this Bombshells World Championship, one of the smallest margins that is going to tip the scales one way or another is confidence. Kayla Richards, as always, you’ve come out of the gate as confident as you can be and why wouldn’t you be otherwise being as dominant as you have been? You can go ahead and run down all the great things that you’ve done. You deserve that victory lap. You deserve your credit for beating Julianna, Tempest and Luna. I’d be a fool to deny you that. But for as confident as you came across for much of what you said, I observed your words very closely and I analyzed what you had to say and in spite of your well earned bravado, I was able to notice some ever so slightly cracks that CONFIRM that I am going to win on Sunday. It’s not just the fact that I have more confidence in me than you do in yourself…

It’s the fact that you tipped your hands at various points…

You even admitted that you don’t know if you can come out of this match with the title while I’m coming in here KNOWING that I WILL! For all your bravado, you tipped your hand. Despite those wins over the three Bombshells that you’ve mentioned, your biggest strength in never being satisfied with what you’ve done is also your biggest weakness, one that I know I can tear apart. You even admitted, particularly after you lost the tag team championships, that you even had some doubts. I get it. Losing those titles came as a surprise for you, but judging by what you had to say, I don’t think you learned your lessons from that. If you did, maybe there’d be a hint of evolution or some type of growth from you, but instead, it’s more of the same. But hey, you’ve been as dominant as you’ve been and you’ve been on top as long as you have. Why the fuck should you change anything, right?

Because if you don’t change, you eventually fall behind and lose your damn place and I hate to say it, but we’ve had our history of dominant Bombshells that lost their way after being dominant for so long. Once Alicia Lukas lost the world title for the third and to date the final time, whether it’s because she lost her edge or because the division was changing around her, she has yet to regain that former dominance. Hell, look at me…

18 match winning streak, undefeated 2021, Internet Champion for over 200 days and in a flash, it ended at the awful hands of one of the most undeserving, overrated Bombshells this company has ever had and I didn’t wrestle here again for another two years…

As much as losing that streak and that aura of dominance bugged me, it was the best thing that could’ve happened to me because that was when I had to get the hell out of here for my own mental health. I knew I couldn’t push any longer. I came back and I have proven that I have evolved. That’s a MASSIVE advantage I KNOW I have over you because I’ve BEEN on that journey that I’ve just described, whereas you haven’t yet. Your biggest flaw as a champion is that you don’t smell the roses and you don’t FULLY appreciate what you have and I KNOW this because during my winning streak, that was me! You start out from the jump saying that I am going to be the biggest challenge you’ve had and I appreciate that sentiment considering that for obvious reasons, you’re going to be my biggest one since I came back to the company but there’s no damn need for you to basically admit that half of your defenses were people that you felt either didn’t deserve a title shot or that weren’t good enough to get a title shot. In fact, I think you should look in the mirror because the way I see it, you criticized Julianna so much for defending the championship against people that she knew she could beat only for your own reign to be pretty damn similar…

If you take away the fact that you were also defending the tag team championships at the same time, how is your reign that much different than her? To your credit, what I just mentioned fulfills your dissatisfaction, but the thing is, Julianna went after YOU and called YOU out because she WANTED to shut you up and yet, when have you gone out and done the same thing? If you’re so dissatisfied with your reign and the people you’ve had to defend your championship against, why is it that until NOW, you’ve finally got a challenge that you’re satisfied with? Why did it have to take a tournament? For as vocal as you were about wanting to challenge Julianna so damn bad, you weren’t nearly as vocal with wanting a specific Bombshell to face you and challenge YOU. Is this rooted in a doubt that is burning within you more than you realize? Hell, if you respect me and wanted to face me so damn bad, all you had to do was pick up that damn microphone like you’re known to do, talk your shit and make that challenge but instead, you sat there and you waited for that challenge to just fall on your lap.

Essentially? The situation that you’re in that you seem to hate so much with how much you’ve gone on about facing the likes of Ariana and Seleana and how you wish they weren’t on your list of title defenses and how you wouldn’t have cared nearly as much and had far less passion if Alexandra won the triple threat and how you went as far as calling Alicia a faded violet that you would’ve rolled your eyes at… YOU had a hand in creating that situation for the simple fact that you haven’t done enough to change what bothers you so damn much. Besides, what in the actual hell kind of attitude is that? How can you just openly admit that you would’ve been bored with Alexandra and and have shown no passion when you promoted the match in front of the camera and that you and just ‘shrugged’ at Alicia like that? What kind of championship level attitude is that, Kayla?

A fucking POOR one if you ask me! I mean, how else can you describe the admission that you’d have given LESS than your best with certain Bombshells when, as the woman that is supposed to REPRESENT this division AND this company, you should ALWAYS give it your damn best no matter who you’re facing! Granted, I’d be remiss to gloss over the fact that during my undefeated streak, my attitude wasn’t that different which again, that shows me that I WILL beat you because really, I feel like I am facing a bit of a mirror image of who I used to be when I was here last time. I am confident that I know your weaknesses and what makes you tick because I WAS that type of person. This is exactly what I meant the last time I expressed what I felt about this match when I said that you’ve been so damn dominant that you might have forgotten what it feels like to have your back against the wall and hearing what you had to say and how you’ve had to bury most of your previous challengers in dirt so to speak, that FURTHER validates what I said. So when you combine everything that I just said and when you take into account your admission that you were having ‘seeds of doubt’ in your mind, then I KNOW I’ve got this because I am facing a woman that on the surface is a dominant champion and will do whatever it takes to remain as such and to let the entire world know how dominant she is, but deep down inside?

She’s someone who is far more vulnerable than what meets the surface. How can someone that has been as dominant as you have been for so long even have ONE seed of doubt in your mind? How can you sit there and admit that you don’t know if you can come out of this match with the win? I was hoping that you would have a little more bravado than that considering that is what you’re known for so I suppose in that sense, I don’t know if I should be surprised or disappointed all things considered. But me? Okay, sure, I started out with the likes of Krystal and Seleana in my first two matches and someone like you is beyond their level, but you don’t hear me have such a horrible attitude about who I’ve faced so far. I took the wins as they came no matter who they were against because I have evolved enough to appreciate every step along the way in the journey to get that SCW Bombshells World Championship back. Not ONCE since I came back to this company have I ever expressed any sort of doubt and not once have I even felt the need to call people out or to complain about a damn thing because now I know a HELL of a lot better than I used to.

Granted, my return hasn’t been flawless. There were times where I got frustrated a little bit. I admit that not being on the Violent Conduct card was a tough one to swallow and there were times where I questioned why the likes of Prudence Pierce and Raine, who I defeated in her debut, were in the Proving Grounds series for Julianna’s title and I wasn’t. I did wonder why certain Bombshells were getting these opportunities while I was on the sidelines. I’d be a fool not to mention that. But not ONCE did you see me bitch about it nor did you see me set aside time in my promo to bitch about how I deserve such and such over so and so because I KNEW that with the way I was going, the opportunity that I DID manage to make the most out of WAS going to be coming and the OLD Andrea, even the one that was in SCW prior to giving Crystal Hilton that piledriver through a television monitor and embraced the hate, would’ve bitched and moaned about everything I just mentioned…

But no, I stuck with it and I made it work out because that’s what a CHAMPION does! THAT, Kayla, is GROWTH! THAT is evidence  that I’ve matured and grown! THAT is growth that as a professional wrestler, you have yet to exhibit in my personal opinion! I wish I could tell you that when it comes to your title reign, there’s nothing to be ashamed of, but sadly with the words that have come out of your mouth already regarding certain title defenses in your reign, I’d be lying to you if I did and that’s really sad that I can’t say something like that because I can’t make you think any different than what you already do.

I already know that you’d be ashamed of losing the championship at High Stakes, not because of me necessarily, but you’d be ashamed of yourself for coming up short on the biggest show of the year to someone that you said was going to be your biggest challenge throughout your reign in all likelihood. You deserve to treat yourself better than that, Kayla. The way I’ve broken it down, it sucks that the world champion is someone that drowns herself in doubt and lacks the ability to appreciate herself enough to grow as a champion.

But perhaps after Sunday, you can gain a little more perspective on what it truly means to be a champion in this company and this business! This Sunday, in what is absolutely the biggest match of my SCW career PERIOD, I KNOW, that with the growth I’ve experienced and the appreciation within me of my journey that I’ve developed through the ups and downs, that I WILL burn the brightest and I WILL become the SCW Bombshells Champion again…

That perspective… the one that I’ve grown while I was away… the one that you’re lacking right now…

That’s what will result in a new champion when it’s all said and done and there’s NOTHING… NOBODY that will EVER shatter my resolve again!”

I took a deep breath and with the greatest confidence I’ve ever had in my life, I shut off the camera for the final time.