FREE FALLING WITHOUT A PARACHUTE“Does this really fucking matter? I mean what’s the point anyway? I don’t believe in ghosts, goblins, monsters, or especially fucking vampires. What do I believe in? I believe crack pot weirdos who cosplay like Tom Cruise in that Anne Rice movie and pretend to be Dracula. You ain’t foolin’ nobody bro. You’ve been caught red handed. The jig is up and we’re not gonna take it anymore. Besides I saw you in the sunlight the other day...and you didn’t even sparkle. Look...I know you’re a former Internet Champion Dmitri...I get it. You’re somebody. And I mean me? Shit some people thought I was a nobody. But do you know what I’m not? I’m not some no talent hack that won a title on accident and couldn’t figure out how to defend it. Yeah, that was you that couldn’t successfully put away Rage right? If there’s one thing that Tommy Knocks has taught me these past twelve weeks it’s that if you can’t defend that strap...you’re a loser. In fact, you’re so much a loser that you had to go randomly find Jimmy Two Times to try and make yourself better. I understand the desire to stay in the limelight and to feel like you’re making a difference. I can imagine and relate to how much of a d-bag loser you felt like when you lost your belt on your first defense….but partnering up with this guy? That shit just screams desperation, bruh. Like smells really like it. Awful like. I mean….you could’ve just teamed with Casey Williams if you wanted someone who held a Roulette belt and will amount to absolutely nothing in this company. At least Casey isn’t a cheese fest maniac. Truth.”
“It feels good to be back in SCW. I don’t really know why I left. Oh wait...I do...Tim Staggs didn’t like what I fucked his girl. Truth be told, I’m glad I left. I needed that break. I needed to go out on my own and learn what it’s really like to be the bad ass mofo that I am. I used to look in the mirror and be disgusted. I used to look in the mirror and hate what I saw. I would see a punk kid who had no direction and no drive. I’d see a kid who didn’t know how to use the God-given talents he had. But that all changed when Caleb came callin’. It all changed when Evie Baang stood by our side. I can now hold my head up straight livin’ when I look into that mirror. Because I don’t see that lazy,s hit for brains, d-bag that I used to see. You want to know what I see now? I see pride! I see power! I see a bad-ass mother who don't take no crap off of nobody! And if you get that reference I’ll give you a lolly pop. Seriously….a cherry one.”
“I don’t care if I ever become a champion. No really, I don’t. It’s not because I don’t see that value it can bring or the great feeling an achievement like that can give you. That shit is just super low on my priority list. First off….I’d rather do a speed ball and a shot of tequila than do some sort of press junket where I have to talk to some people who are gonna ask me questions about shit I don’t have the answers to. I’d rather hit the street and casino, gamble a bit and maybe fall into some shit than kiss anyone’s baby or sign anyone’s awkwardly airbrushed photograph of me. I’d rather stay in bed and fuck the living shit out of Remi than get on a radio show in Cleveland and tell them all about SCW’s anti-bullying campaing. That ain’t me, babe, it ain’t me you’re looking for. But you know what? All that shit considered...if I were Mark Ward or Christian Underwood...I’d still rather have Johnny A. Tsunami holding my Roulette belt than some wack-a-doo that takes direction from some guy named Pinky that’s no more Vito Corleone than Jimmy the guy who used to sell me hot dogs in Greektown. I don’t care if he’s your Uncle James, lose the Fugazi..it’s sad. I know you probably cut a promo about how you beat all them dudes at into the Void and how you just beat Casey...but if you want to know how I feel about Casey Williams then just hit the rewind button for about thirty seconds. The truth is James...you’re about to get yupped up and you don’t even know yet. Ya can’t even realize. This Bad Company thing ain’t about no title belt or some match or some pay check. It’s a lifestyle, fam. It’s who we are. And you and Lestat are about to figure that shit out. For reals.”
What do you do when you REALLY need to get the blood pumping? Well, it’s quite simple actually. Step one get on an airplane. Step two climb to 15,000 feet. Step three …. Jump. It’s quite simple actually. There’s only two ways skydiving can possibly end. A rush of adrenaline to the body. Or a rush of the body to the earth. I know the first one doesn’t hurt. I think it’s safe to say the second one doesn’t either, but what do I know? Anyway... shall we?
The plane was a bit old, rickety even, but hey Caleb and Johnny didn’t need to land in the damn thing. All they needed to do was last long enough for that little green light above the door to click on and then like Tom Petty they’d be free.. Free fallin. Caleb could feel the humming of the engine inside of his chest as he leaned against the metal inside of the plane. Sitting on the ground in front of him was a black and yellow parachute bag he fiddled with the straps impatiently as he kept leaning forward every few seconds taking a glimpse at the light above the door which unfortunately was still red.
Caleb: Are we there yet?!
Caleb asked. Much like an impatient toddler in the backseat of a car. This was about the seventeenth time he’d asked. The ‘nos’ and the head shakes have stopped. Now all he got was a middle finger by the irritated pilot. If it wasn’t for the lawsuit the pilot would’ve already thrown him out the door. With or without the chute.
Caleb: Asshole...
Caleb responded as he pouted, and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He flopped back against the inside of the plane, and blankly stared across at Johnboy.
Johnny: Will you fucking relax?
Johnny was getting noticeably irritated. Caleb had dragged him out of his bed, where a near naked Remi was sleeping next to him, so he could jump out of a fucking airplane? All Johnny could think about what his new found rainbow-haired friend’s buttocks and the small bag of cocaine he forgot to grab off of the nightstand. It had been about thirty minutes since his last cigarette, two hours since his last bump and about a day since his last real fix. This day fucking sucked in his mind and all he could do is stare at Caleb.
Johnny: Why the fuck are we here again?
Tsunami grilled him, hoping for a deep, meaningful answer from his Bad Company brethren.
Caleb: “Why are we here?” “WHY are WE HERE?!?”
Caleb was flustered by this question. It’s been obvious for his whole life Caleb has lived his life one way. On the edge. If there was something he shouldn’t do you better believe he was going to do it. He lived his life a mile a minute. There was no stopping. No relaxing. None of the sort. The early part of his life was spent cooped up inside the same four walls for hours, days even, at a time. Now that he had stacked a little bit of money he was living life the best way he knew how.
Caleb: Once that door opens up you’ll realize why we’re up here. That free fall will hammer it home, too. See once you’re out that door there really is no turning back. It’s just you, and the air. In the back of your mind the only thing you can think about is ‘what if the chute doesn’t open?’ ‘what if I hit a power line?’ It’s a fucking rush.
Caleb had cheated death, on more than one occasion, and only in those moments did he really feel like he was living his life.
Johnny: Nah bro. The rush would’ve been doing what’s sitting in my nightstand and what’s laying in my bed. Instead I’m sitting on this plane about to jump out of a fucking plane in a t-shirt…
Johnny looks around a bit, paying close attention to the details inside of the plane.
Johnny: Didn’t Evie say she was coming?
He could’ve sworn Evie said she’d be here. As much as he tried to hide it and lie about it, no matter how much time he spent with Remi, he couldn’t shake Evie out of his head.
Johnny: Thought she was coming too..
He tried to play it off as best as he could.
Johnny: Fuck, this. Let’s just fucking tell them to land. I’m not into this bro.
Johnny started to sweat. He could feel the cold beads drip down his forehead as he finally started to freak out about jumping out of that door. He was coming down hard and was in no mood to jump.
Caleb: Evie… Evie… EVIE! It’s always about Evie. Yes, she was supposed to be here. No, she didn’t answer her phone when I called her.
Caleb said as he rolled his eyes. Johnny was smitten by everything with two legs, and boobs. Caleb began to bang his head against the inside of the plane. His impatience growing as each second went by. Caleb heard a loud buzz from inside of the plane, and after a few seconds the door opened up, and the green light clicked on. Like a little school boy Caleb began to bounce his feet up and down anxiously.
Caleb: TOO LATE!
Caleb yelled over the air now rushing inside of the plane. He looked toward Johnny who was beginning to look a bit nervous about the whole situation. Caleb laughed a bit at him as he grabbed his parachute bag, and walked his way over to the door.
Caleb: Just take a look at this.
Caleb said as he placed his right hand on the top of the doorway looking down at the ground below him. Well at least the glimpses of it he could see from the clouds.
Caleb: See you at the bottom!
Caleb dropped his parachute bag inside of the door, and leaned forward somersaulting out of the door.
Johnny: Fucking guy….
Johnny stood up and quickly strapped on his parachute. He walked over to the open door and tremendous winds nearly sat him back down in his seat. He picked up Caleb’s parachute and then stood there frozen for a moment. He shut his eyes, mumbled something under his breath, and then took off. It felt weird at first as all of the wind gust by his face. He opened his eyes a bit to see Caleb spinning through the air, laughing.
Caleb: La la la….
Caleb hummed to himself his eyes closed. As he spun through the air Caleb placed his hands behind his head, and crossed his legs as if he was lounging away on the couch. Carelessly falling down to the earth.
Caleb: OOOF!
Caleb let out a large breath as his parachute was slammed into his chest by a headfirst falling Johnny. Reaching up Caleb grabbed the chute. After some wringing, and fighting Caleb was able to maneuver his way into his parachute. Dejected he looked down at the fast approaching ground before pulling the cord for the chute. As it extended Caleb’s momentum was stopped suddenly as the air caught the canvas.
Johnny: Asshole!
Johnny screams across the air at his tag team partner as the two float aimlessly down toward the ground.
Johnny: Now how the fuck am I supposed to steer this thing? And I think I lost my fucking cigarettes…...asshole!
Caleb: Steer? Just pull those little wires hanging down at either side. But it doesn’t really matter all you have to do is make sure you don’t break your ankles when you hit the ground.
Caleb yelled through the air as the two got closer and closer to the ground. After what seemed like forever of just floating through the air Caleb’s feet finally touched the ground again. He disengaged the chute as he took a few steps forward getting his balance again. He looked around for Johnny but didn’t see him. Out of nowhere, he heard screaming…
Johnny: Watch out!
Caleb ducked as Johnny flew past him, smacking the ground hard.
Caleb: Idiot.
Caleb said as he shook his head, and looked around the Nevada desert.
Caleb: Now, get a us a ride home.
Johnny: Fuck you...give me a cigarette.
Caleb reached into his pocket and handed Johnny a crushed pack of Newports.
Johnny: Really?
Johnny carefully slid a half crushed cigarette out of the box and sparked it with his Bic lighter.
Johnny: How the fuck am I supposed to get us a ride home? You’re the only person I know with a car.
Caleb: Call fucking uber or something asshole. I don’t have my phone on me. Jesus christ, do I have to fucking do everything?
Caleb said flustered. For as much of a rush as Johnny was in Caleb was surprised he didn’t have someone waiting out here on the ground for them. Caleb shook his head as he looked over at Johnny. He gave him a look like, hurry up, as he tapped his foot on the sand.
Johnny: Alright I’ll fucking call someone.
Johnny rolled his eyes, thinking about how he has to do everything, and then shoves his hands into pockets to search for his phone. He moves them around frantically when he doesn’t feel it.
Johnny: Umm….
He checks the pockets again for good measure.
Johnny: So you don’t have your phone either huh?
Caleb: ….. Are you some kind of retarded?
Caleb asked Johnny. Flabbergasted at the fact Johnny hadn’t brought his phone with him,
Caleb: You’re always on the damn thing. Texting Remi, playing candy crush, or watching porn. What the hell is going on with you?
Caleb had no idea what Johnny did with his phone, but Caleb liked to live in his own little world, and create this stories. It’s just all part of what Caleb Houston is.
Caleb: Well…. I guess we better get walking. If I miss the morning cartoons I’m going to kill you.
Caleb started walking toward the beat up road about three hundred yards away. Johnny watched him walk and took a long drag of his Newport and smiled as he blew out the smoke. He looked down at the cell phone in his hand and read the text.
REMI
Be there in twenty….start walking.Johnny laughed to himself as he walked to catch up with Caleb.
Johnny couldn’t find his hat. He had a red hat, with the words ‘Truck You’ written across the front. It was his lucky hat. He thought he had left it at Caleb’s so he headed over there. He knocked on the door but no one would answer. He knew someone was home, he heard loud noises coming from right behind the door, but still...no answer. He knocked again, this time harder.
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
Still no answer. He turned the door handle and low and behold, the door opened. In the living room Caleb and Derek were having a standoff. Caleb was standing there in his boxers. His heavily inked body exposed. In his right hand was a large foam sword that he had pointed at Derek.
Caleb: Hand it over!!
Caleb yelled out to Derek. Who responded with a loud growl as he pulled a the black remote in close to his body.
Johnny: What the fuck are you guys doing….and where the fuck is my hat?
Both Caleb and Derek turned quickly to see Johnny. Caleb looked at Johnny irritated as he pointed the sword back at Derek. Inching closer to him.
Caleb: This little asshole stole the remote. Fuck your hat I threw it away. Shit was ugly as hell anyway. Fucking middle school lingo on it.
Caleb said. Visibly irritated by the whole situation going on inside of his house right now. It had been a long night, of no sleep, as Caleb was up most of the night playing MLB The Show making sure he could make it to the big leagues with his RTTS player.
Johnny: Dude...my hat bro?
The hat was special to Johnny for no real reason at all. He bought it a some highway stop in California but for some reason, he liked it.
Johnny: Who cares if Derek has the remote?
Caleb: FUCK YOUR HAT.
Caleb yelled out as he threw the sword onto the ground, and lunged towards Derek. Caleb wrapped his arms around the panda bear, and wrestled him down to the ground trying to pry the remote from his paws.
Caleb: Because he’s going to make us watch Kung Fu Panda, again. You fat stupid idiot.
Caleb yelled out. Clearly today was going to be a long day. There was no coffee to be found, and Caleb was in one of his moods already.
Johnny: Ok….
Tsunami walked into the living room to where Caleb was wrestling with Derek. As the two fought on the floor, Johnny simply leaned over and ripped the remote out of Derek’s hands. He pointed it at the television and turned on Kung Fu Panda.
Johnny: There….done. Now where’s my fucking hat?
Irritated Caleb stood up from the ground, and walked over to the large trash can in the kitchen. Picking it up he carried it over into the living room, and launched it over Johnnys head nearly hitting him with it.
Caleb: Fucking find it…
Caleb yelled out as the trash can spun through the air, and connected with the middle of the 65” flat screen television. Sending it toppling off the stand and crashing onto the ground.
Caleb: You owe me a TV.
Caleb said as he stomped off toward the balcony. Johnny turned to Derek who just looked up at him and remarked.
Derek: PARSNIPS!
Derek called out as he stuck his tongue out at the obviously irritated Caleb. Johnny watched Derek walk off before shaking his head and walking towards the balcony where Caleb was standing. He took out a Newport and lit it up. He took a deep drag before letting out the smoke.
Johnny: You know….that was my favorite hat, man. Not cool.
Caleb looked over at Johnny and just shook his head. He leaned over the balcony a bit as he looked down at the cars driving up and down the Las Vegas strip.
Caleb: It’s … a …. Hat.
Caleb said. Possessions were never something Caleb really cared much for. So he didn’t understand the chubby Johnny got from wearing his hat. As a matter of fact Caleb’s favorite articles of clothing were things he had traded for. Such as the TMNT T-shirt he had traded his jeans for in Japan.
Johnny: Whatever….look….you and Edie….that for real?
He took another drag.
Johnny: Because Remi is cool and all but...I ain’t ready for all that.
He thought about Evie again.
Johnny: I mean we’re cool….we fuck and shit but…..wanna get high, bro?
He took another drag as he anxiously awaited Caleb’s answer.
Caleb nodded his head.
Caleb: Yeah, it’s real. She’s the first person who’s never really ditched me for something better after the first few days. Most of them see money, and a face get what they need and dip.
Caleb shook his head.
Caleb: Not today. Not in the mood. I’d rather just go back to sleep, or something.
Johnny: Sleep? Look at this day, kid. You don’t get better weather than this in Vegas.
Johnny pulls a small piece of cellophane out of his pocket.
Johnny: This day is gorgeous.
He opens up the cellophane and shoves his nose inside.
SNIIIIIIIIIFFFF!
Johnny: ...gorgeous…
He leans back in the small chair and his eyes widen as he zones out for a minute, not paying attention to what Caleb was saying.
Caleb: It’s hot. It smells weird.
Caleb said. Visibly uninterested with anything that was going on in Vegas. His mood changed drastically from day to day. Hour to hour even. He never really stayed one emotion too long. It’s just the way he was.
Caleb: Have fun with that. Hopefully you know how to fix yourself up when Christian asks you to piss in a cup for him.
Caleb said as he leaned up against the railing of the balcony. His gaze was blank, and his left eye twitched as he stared aimlessly off into the distance.
Johnny: Nothing a bottle of water can’t fix, kid.
Johnny hopped up to his feet.
Johnny: Mind if I take the kid out for a walk or something? He should get out…
Caleb: Water…. Yeah.
Caleb said shaking his head.
Caleb: Go for it. Don’t give him any candy. If you do I’m dropping him off with you and Remi tonight.
Caleb told him.
Johnny: Cheer up, fam. Gonna be a good weekend. Maybe we’ll get to kick that Joshua d-bag in the face again….
He walks towards the door.
Johnny: Try not to be so miserable when Edie comes over….
Caleb just shrugged it off as he played with his beard a bit.
Caleb: Been there done that. Time to move onto some bigger, and better things in SCW. No point going after the same weak link over, and over again.
Johnny: Derek! Let’s go get some candy!
Caleb rolled his eyes as Johnny walked back inside.
You know…. This second run in SCW is starting off an awful lot like the first run. Come in. Make an impact. Rise to the top. It’s pretty much the same situation for me each and every promotion I step foot into. It’s almost as if I’m meant to be the top dog no matter what ring I’m standing in. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it. When I walk around the halls of SCW I see a lot of familiar faces from my first run. Most of them still with a sour taste in their mouth because of the way the last exit happened. Honestly, fuck them. I’m not here to prove anything to anyone. Let’s face it as butthurt as they are to have me back none of them will have the balls to step up and say a word about it. There will just be crossed eyes when I pass, and whispers behind my back. I’m used to that. See people always hate the alpha, and that’s exactly what Caleb Houston is.
A few weeks ago Johnny and I took care of the surfer boys. Easy match. Easy win. Johnny had fun. I had… whatever. I’m not that concerned with the bullshit SCW is going to run out to the ring opposite me. The result is always going to be the same. Victory.
Coming up in a few days at Climax Control 1 billion Bad Company gets a shot at the Unholy Alliance. Just two more speed bumps on the Bad Company fast track to the top. I could care less what these two did in my time away from SCW. Who they beat. Who they lost to. Any of it. None of it really makes a difference because at the end of the day all they are is another warm up. They’ll talk a big game. But when your head is a full of air of course your lips are going to leak from time to time. It’s all business. I like their confidence. That actually gives me a little more motivation when I step in the ring. Generally, I like to win. But when someone flaps their gums a little too much most of that like turns into a desire. Passion even. That’s not the version of Caleb Houston you want standing across from you in the ring. That’s when people get injured. That’s when the Gold Rush comes out in full force.
Now, sure they’re going to talk about how much bigger they are then Johnny and myself. But as we’ve seen multiple times in the past the bigger they are the harder they fall. See size doesn’t necessarily mean anything in sports. If you take a brief look through history that won’t be too hard to figure out. But when you don’t have anything else going for you of course you’re going to focus on that, and only that. Have to give them credit though. They seem to actually have passed a remedial math course they were able to add Johnny and my weights together. Let’s all take a second and give them a small golf clap. It doesn’t matter if you’re 5 feet nothing or 7 feet 10 when these hands and feet start flying they’re going to connect. It’s a matter of how long your jaw can take it before you go Down in Flames.
Couple negatives I’ve taken from Dimitri and James is that all they did was look at height and weight. They honestly think Caleb Houston is the new guy on the block? Next time you guys might want to look and learn a bit about something you should take a little bit more than a quick glimpse. Had you gentlemen put your three combined brain cells together you’d have realized that Caleb Houston has indeed competed in SCW before. Hell, I even held those little tag team titles everyone holds so near and dear to their hearts. It’s okay though. I forgive you. It wouldn’t have changed the outcome in the match Sunday night anyway. We all know how this one is going to end. Let’s hope you’re a little more dedicated to training than you are a promo. I’d at least like to break a sweat this week gentleman. If you can do that for me I promise I’ll make this as painless as possible. Until then boys enjoy that burning in the pit of your stomach. Come Sunday night you’re going to find what That Sinking Feeling is all about.
