What am I doing? Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me?! I’ve been so back and forth over the last two years, I’m starting to make myself dizzy. I thought I was starting to make things right with everyone in The Nobodies, but I guess I was wrong...very wrong. If anything, I’ve only seemed to distance myself more and now I don’t know if there is any way for me to make things right. I don’t know if things will ever get back to normal.
I was the first one to bring a title to The Nobodies. I was leary about going after it in the first place, because honestly, I didn’t think it’d happen. I didn’t think I’d get a title shot in the first place, but again, I guess I was wrong. I wasn’t expecting things to change for the better when I won the title, but I also wasn’t expecting shit to get worse!
All around me, people keep telling me “Alexis, you’re somebody now! You have a title!†Ummm...no. I’m not. I’m still a fucking Nobody, and that will never change. They just want me to believe I’m a somebody because the moment I start to believe it, they’ll all go back to saying I’m a nobody. I’m not as stupid as people think I am.
Tim and Connor...they at least have an easier time pulling off their Nobody status while they hold the tag titles. I mean...Nobody wants them. Yeah...nice play on words there, huh? I don’t even know if Tim and Connor really want the damn titles anymore, because people seriously don’t give a shit about those titles anymore. People at least want my title...or they did. Hell if I know anymore. There’s really no one standing in line for a chance to take the damn thing away from me.
Except Mercedes, of course. Though, I’m pretty sure in her case, she’s more interested in shutting me up than taking my title. But, she’ll be fine with killing two birds with one stone, so to speak. And if I need to be honest with myself, a part of me is actually considering letting it happen. I’ve already lost to her once, in a very embarrassing way I might add, and there’s no doubt in my mind that everyone thinks it’ll happen again. Maybe I should just give them what they want. Maybe I should just lose to Mercedes.
Fuck, I don’t know what to do. I need to talk to Tim.
I just hope he’ll hear me out…
Sunday January 24th
Immediately Following Climax Control
Happy Belated Birthday...Bitch
I don’t know why I even came here tonight. I didn’t have a match and aside from Celeste’s little crusade she started, there was no real need to have me here tonight. Not that I ever had anyone to begin with, but when I walked out of that locker room and refused to sign that petition, I think I made enemies with the entire Bombshell roster, Celeste included. Just like Mikah. Oh well. I don’t really give a shit.
Anyway, after the main event ended and my boys Tim and Connor successfully defended their titles against the worst named stable in the history of stables, The Monstimals, I’m waiting outside the arena. I decided to have a quick cigarette before heading back to my hotel room for the night.
I’m seated on one of the benches just outside, comfortably in my hooded jacket. It’s not super cold outside since we’re in California, but it’s not exactly warm either, so I can deal with wearing my jacket without sweating my ass off. As I smoke my cigarette, several people walk out of the building and head towards their vehicles, but I’m not interested in any of them. I’m waiting for one person in particular. A few minutes later, Tim walks out along with Connor, Tessa and Celeste. Upon seeing me, Celeste quickly looks away, obviously still hurt or pissed off. Whatever. I’ll deal with her later.
I take in the last puff of my cigarette before I flick the butt on the ground. I let the smoke out of my lungs as I turn my attention to Tim. He looks rough. Like, the worst I’ve ever seen him. The empty expression on his face kills me as I walk up to him, focusing all my attention on him.
Lex: Hey Tim. Can we talk?
I speak directly to Tim, but Celeste rolls her eyes and finally looks at me. Well, it’s more like she’s sending me a death glare, and when she speaks to me, she’s spitting venom.
Celeste: Oh, now you have time for you so-called “best friend�
Lex: Shut up, C. This doesn’t concern you.
Celeste: Pretty sure it does. Unlike somebody, I’m actually a real friend to Tim.
I roll my eyes and turn my attention back to Tim.
Lex: Alone if you don’t mind. I’m not in the mood to fight and Celeste is still pissed at me, so…
Tim: Fine. Guys, can you give us a minute. I’ll catch up.
Tim wastes no time in agreeing to talk to me alone, and I’ve never felt this disconnected from The Nobodies since Tim first brought us all together. I don’t know how things changed, but it’s probably my fault anyway. Celeste scoffs, but she ends up walking away with Connor and Tessa and I’m finally able to speak without Celeste wanting to kick my ass.
Lex: You look like hell, Tim. And I’m not saying that to be funny or rude or anything. I’m actually worried…
Tim looks as if he doesn’t believe me, but he doesn’t make eye contact either. He just shrugs, almost like he doesn’t want to talk about it. And by it, I mean the situation with Brother Grimm.
Lex: Tim, come on. Talk to me. I know I Haven’t been around much lately, but I feel pretty shitty about that. I just..I don’t know what to say or do. Plus, it looked like Celeste and her mom had shit under control.
Tim: There’s really not much you can say or do, Lex. I’d really rather not talk about it anyway.
He puts his hands in his pockets and continues to avoid eye contact with me. Fuck. What can I do to snap him out of this? This isn’t Tim. This isn’t the Tim I lo...look out for like a brother.
Lex: What the fuck did Grimm do to you, Tim?
There’s no other easy way to ask that, so I just...ask. Tim finally lifts his head and stares at me for a quick second, but he still has no emotion on his face.
Tim: It doesn’t matter, Lex. Just drop it, ok?
I let out a sigh, wanting nothing more than to push the issue further, but I can’t. The truth is, I don’t want to completely push him away, so I guess giving him time is what he really needs.
Lex: Ok then…
Before I can say anything else, my phone goes off in my pocket. I forgot to put it on silent. Time lets out a sigh as I take my phone out, looking at the screen.
“Johnny Calling…â€
I send the call to voicemail, and put my phone back in my pocket as I turn my full attention back to Tim.
Lex: Sorry about that. Nobody important.
I’m well aware of my choice of words there, but I can’t take them back now. Tim rolls his eyes.
Tim: Oh? Trouble in paradise with you and Johnny already?
My eyes widen as I stare at him. I’m at a loss for words and Tim breaks the silence again.
Tim: It’s no big deal, Lex. You can do whatever you want with whoever you want.
Lex: Johnny and I are just friends, Tim. Nothing is going on there.
My phone goes off yet again. Damn it. I pull it out to see Johnny is trying to call me again and I send it to voicemail once more.
Tim: He must think there is. You can answer if you want. I need to catch up with the others anyway.
Lex: It’s ok, Tim. I just haven’t talked to him in a while so he just wants to bug me I guess.
Tim lets out an awkward laugh.
Tim: So I guess you’re turning into more of a loner now then? Cool. Enjoy it, Lex. I need to go.
Lex: Tim, come on…
I try to take a step towards him, but he side steps me and walks away. I turn around and watch as he walks over and joins up with the others again. Connor has his arm around Tessa, holding her close and when Tim walks up to them, Celeste throws her arm around his shoulder, but he doesn’t seem to care. Celeste looks around and glares back me. I let out a growl and as they disappear to another part of the parking lot, my phone rings again. Fuck, he’s relentless tonight! I finally give in and take my phone out, tapping the screen angrily. I hit it a few times and accidentally put it on speaker, but I’m too frustrated to fix it.
Lex: How many times are you gonna keep calling me?
Johnny laughs on the other end.
Johnny: Damn girl, chill. Apparently you’re done ignoring my calls.
Lex: I only answered to tell you to stop calling me!
Johnny: Harsh, boo. What the hell did I do now?
I roll my eyes and let out a growl.
Lex: Let it go, Johnny. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you, I’m not buying into your--
Johnny laughs again, but it’s more an annoyed laugh than an amused one.
Johnny: Really, Lex? We’re back to that again?
Lex: I guess so. I don’t know what you want from me.
Johnny: And I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that I don’t have some ulterior motive, boo. I just called to wish you a Happy Birthday. Damn…
My jaw drops as Johnny says the words I didn’t particularly want to hear. How the hell did he know? Because I sure as shit didn’t tell him that my birthday was yesterday!
Lex: H-how did you find out?
Johnny: Dude, you’re in SCW. Just because you don’t make that shit public, doesn’t mean there’s not a way to find out. What’s the big deal anyway?
I let out a sigh
Lex: The big deal is I don’t like to make a big deal about my birthday. I never had any reason to before, so I’m not changing now.
Johnny: When are you gonna be back in Vegas?
Lex: Tomorrow morning. Why?
Johnny: I’m taking you out for a late birthday dinner.
I sigh again and shake my head. Not that he can see, but my less than enthusiastic sigh should get my point across.
Lex: That’s not such a good--
Johnny: Come on, Lex. Don’t fight me on this. Lighten up and try to have a good time. Hell, if you do, maybe certain people will stop referring to you as Grump Alexis…
Johnny laughs, amused this time, but I don’t know. I can’t fucking stand that stupid ass insult Keira coined me with, but I know Johnny said that just to get under my skin.
Lex: Very funny, Johnny.
Johnny: I thought so.
Lex: Clearly…
I take in a deep breath, giving his offer some though. Truthfully, he had a point and I don’t quite understand why I’m holding back. I mean, I do, but that doesn’t even matter right now. And it probably never will matter.
Johnny: Well?
I let out another sigh.
Lex: Fine. I’ll text you my address tomorrow. Oh and Johnny? Don’t think I’m gonna dress up in something fancy, either.
Johnny: You need to live a little, Lex. I won’t fight you on that, though. Hit me up when your flight lands.
I nod again, understanding once again that he can’t see me.
Lex: Sure thing. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.
Johnny: Good deal. Later, boo.
I roll my eyes and end the call. Normally I would be annoyed with anyone calling me boo, or bae, but Johnny is, well...Johnny. Annoying as it may be, he’s not such a bad guy. I put my phone back in my pocket and turn around, looking towards the bench again. My duffel bag is still on the ground and I grab it and sling it over my shoulder. Moments later, the cab I had called earlier finally pulls up in front of me.
Lex: Perfect timing…
I open the back door and toss my bag inside and then slide into the backseat seconds later. I tell the cab driver where I’m headed and he drives off soon after.
Monday January 25th
McCarran International Airport
Las Vegas, Nevada
~*~OFF CAMERA~*~
I’m starting to get used to this travelling shit. I may not like it, but travelling through Nevada, California and eventually Arizona is at least better than travelling from country to country and continent to continent in that world tour last year. I’m dreading going anywhere in Arizona, though. More specifically, Phoenix, but I’ll figure out what to do when it comes down to that.
Anyway, after a shitty night in Stockton, California last night, I should have just moved my flight up. I didn’t really want to stay in Stockton any longer than I already was, but oh well. Now I’m just trying to decide if I’m going to head back to California for Climax Control on Sunday or not. I’m not booked again, and given my current situation with all of the Bombshells, it might be best if I just...stay away.
My flight landed about ten minutes ago. Since My duffel bag was small enough to just carry on-board, I didn’t have to head over to the baggage claim for any bags. Thank fuck for that, because standing there waiting is annoying as fuck. Now all I have to do is get a cab and head back to my apartment.
As I’m walking out of the airport, I’m texting Johnny as I told him I would. I’m looking down at my phone, not paying attention to where I’m going and I actually run into someone. Great job, Alexis! This time I can’t place the fucking blame on anyone else! I’m just about to do the right thing and apologize to the poor bastard I ran into, but when I look up, wouldn’t you know I ran into someone I am all too familiar with. Too bad, it’s someone I’m getting sick of running into. Figuratively and literally! My sister’s eyes light up as she sees me.
Riley: Oh my God! Alexis! What are the chances?!
I glare at her, surprised and not sharing in her excitement. She’s always happy to see me, despite how many times I tell her to stay the hell away from me.
Lex: Ugh...You’ve gotta be fuckin’ kidding me?! Riley, what are you doing here?!
She keeps that annoying smile on her face, and I really don’t know why I haven’t punched her in the face already.
Riley: Happy Belated Birthday, sis!
Before I have a chance to back away, she quickly wraps her arms around me and hugs me tight. Ugh...someone please fucking shoot me! I manage to push her away and take a step back, glaring at her.
Lex: Leave me alone, Riley. There has never been anything happy about any of my birthdays, and it’s not about to change now. You know, for you being the intelligent one back in high school, you sure are pretty fucking stupid to keep wasting your time showing up like this.
Riley: I’m nothing if not persistant, sis. You know I’ve always been that way, and you should know by now that I’m not going to give up.
Lex: I wish you would. I’m trying to move on with my life, and you should too. Just forget you even have an identical twin. It’s not like anyone really knew you had one to begin with.
She frowns and lets out a sigh. I adjust the strap of my duffel bag over my shoulder and stare at her for a moment.
Lex: Don’t you have a flight to catch or something? Don’t let me be the reason you miss your--
She shakes her head.
Riley: I don’t have a flight. At least, not today. I came here to meet up with you.
Lex: Excuse me? How the hell did you even know I’d be here?!
Riley: I have my ways. Don’t worry about it. Alexis, I really wish you’d reconsider coming back to Phoenix. Even if only to visit for a day! I know you weren’t happy about finding out about Oliver, but please don’t take it out on him.
I laugh, annoyed, and shake my head. My phone dings, and I’m assuming it’s Johnny texting me back.
Lex: I’m not taking anything out on him, Riley. He doesn’t even know me, and he’s not even old enough to care. I really don’t want to keep going through this with you time and time again. It’s getting exhausting and not that you care, but it really stressed me the fuck out.
Riley: Of course I care! I never wanted to be the cause of any pain or stress for you, sis! I want us to have a normal sisterly relationship, but you won’t even give me the chance anymore. I know you had it rough when we were growing up and it practically kills me, but I’m trying to fix it. For both of us. For our entire family!
My phone dings again, and I’m tempted to turn my attention to the text messages from Johnny rather than my annoying sister, but I hold off for the moment.
Lex: There’s some things you can’t fix, Riley. You need to accept that. I’ve been gone for two years now, and even if I did somehow get the courage to go back to Phoenix, I’m sure Dad hasn’t forgotten about what I did. He sure as shit won’t forgive me.
Riley: I told you to let me deal with Dad. If you and I show up back home in Phoenix together, it would be easier--
Lex: No, Riley! Just...No! It’s never going to happen so just forget it! I don’t have time for this. I need to get back home and get some rest because I have plans tonight and I’m not going to let you ruin them, or my mood. I suggest you get the first flight back to Phoenix.
She reaches for my arm, almost pleading with me, but I pull away and walk around her, hailing a cab. One pulls up right in front of me, thankfully.
Riley: Alexis, please…
I quickly toss my bag into the back seat of the cab and turn around to look at her.
Lex: I mean it. Go back to Phoenix. Goodbye, Riley.
She’s heartbroken and on the verge of tears as I get into the backseat of the cab, ordering the driver to leave. I don’t even look back as give the driver my address. All I want to do is get back to my apartment and sleep for a while before focusing on hanging out with Johnny tonight. Shit...Johnny! I quickly take my phone out and text him back, and get the details for dinner tonight. I find it odd, but I’m almost looking forward to seeing him.
Almost…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Later that night…
I’m standing outside the restaurant, waiting for Johnny. We just finished eating dinner a little while ago and I headed outside while he paid the bill. It was a relief to me when he brought me to one of Las Vegas’ decent burger places instead of some fancy place where I couldn’t even pronounce some of the items on the menu.
For the most part, it was a quiet dinner. At least on my part. Johnny talked up a storm, trying to get me to do the same, but I only talked every so often. Honestly, I wasn’t in much of a talking mood, even with Johnny. When he finally walks out of the restaurant looking directly at me, I can tell he noticed how quiet I was.
Johnny: Alright, Lex...What gives? You’ve been pretty damn quiet tonight. I know I’m not a boring date, so what’s going on?
I shake my head and let out a sigh.
Lex: Nothing. Don’t worry about it.
Johnny: Bullshit. Dude, are you capable of having a good time? Ever?
I stare at him for a moment, really thinking about the answer to that. I’m not even sure I know the true answer, and all I can do is shrug.
Lex: Yeah, I am. I’m sorry if I just have a lot of shit on my plate right now. It’s nothing against you.
Johnny: Yeah, I know it’s not. That was the point of bringing you out tonight. To get you to lighten up a little.
Lex: Look if you want to get pissed off at me, too, go right ahead. Everyone else is.
I snap at him a little before I turn start walking down the street. I don’t even know where the hell I’m going.
Johnny: Lex, I’m not pissed at you, alright?! Damn girl, chill..
He follows after and catches up to me. I roll my eyes as I continue walking.
Lex: Alright. What do I have to do to piss you off then? It’s bound to happen sooner or later, so might as well get it over with now…
He grabs me by the arm and we both stop walking. He looks a little annoyed. Good. We’re getting somewhere.
Johnny: What is your problem, Lex? What are you so afraid of?
Lex: I’m not afraid of anything.
He takes a step towards me.
Johnny: Prove it then.
He stares down at me for a while, waiting for me to make a move, but I can’t. I’m just...frozen...right where I stand. Eventually he lets out a sigh and shakes his head and takes a step back.
Johnny: Exactly what I thought. When you’re done be afraid, you know where to find me.
Johnny turns around and starts walks away and I still can’t move. Damn, I never really noticed how nice his ass looks...SHUT UP ALEXIS!
“Girrrrrl, don’t let that hottie walk away! MOVE YOUR ASS AND GO GET HIM!â€
That ever present voice inside my head finally snaps me out of my frozen state, and just in time. Johnny is pretty far ahead, but I shake my head and join reality once again.
Lex: Johnny! Johnny wait!
He just shakes his head and doesn’t listen, so I’m forced to run as fast as I can to catch up to him. When I’m finally right behind him, I grab his arm and spin him around. I don’t even give him the chance to pull away, as I grab the collar of his jacket and pull him down towards me, bringing my lips to his in a fiery kiss. I don’t know what has come over me, but I don’t hold back, and neither does he as he kisses me back. A moment later, I pull away quickly and look at him.
Lex: Is that proof enough for you?
He raises an eyebrow and grins.
Johnny: Well...it’s a start…
I hear proud clapping in my mind as we kiss again, but I just ignore it. Bitch finally got what she wanted...and so did I.
A Few Hours Later…
So, I wasn’t expecting tonight to do the route that it did. At all. We ended up back at Johnny’s place and let’s just say, neither of us held back, and now Johnny is passed out beside me in bed, and I’m wide awake. I take in a deep breath and sit up, putting my feet on the floor, with the sheet wrapped around me. We both got caught up in the heat of the moment, I have no idea where the hell my clothes ended up.
Lex: Perfect…
I roll my eyes as I whisper, trying not to wake up Johnny. Where the hell are my clothes?! While searching for them, I spot Johnny’s shirt on the floor just a few feet ahead of me. I guess that’ll work until I can find my clothes. I grab it off the floor and put it on. When I stand up from the bed, I look down at myself and let out a sigh.
Lex: Now...where are my clothes?
I search around the room quietly, spotting individual pieces of my clothing. As I begin to collect them, that annoying voice in my head starts up again.
“Don’t you even think about running, girl. You look better in Johnny’s shirt, anyway.â€
I roll my eyes and ignore her. I look over to the bed, making sure Johnny is still asleep. To my relief, he is, so I sneak my way into the bathroom.
“Lexi, baby...What is your problem?! You can’t tell me you didn’t enjoy that! And now you’re just gonna run out like that?â€
I roll my eyes and let out a laugh as I walk into the bathroom and turn on the lights. I quietly close the door behind me and I put my clothes on the counter next to the sink. I sigh as I look at myself in the mirror.
“Nice hair, baby doll. I can tell you had quite the great time with Johnny…â€
I let out a quiet growl, closing my eyes for a brief moment and then opening them once again. I smooth out my hair.
Lex: Leave me alone...Damn!
I start to quickly put on my clothes as she laughs inside my head once again. I really can’t get into an argument with myself, because if Johnny hears...Well, he really won’t want to be anywhere near me.
“Not until you get your ass back in there and wake him up for a second round. You know you want--â€
Lex: Shut up! I’m not some sex-crazed slut!
Just then, there is a light knocking on the door. Oh great...Johnny is awake and he probably heard me.
Johnny: Lex? Who you talking to in there?
That devilish voice in my head laughs again, but she says nothing this time. I shake my head as I quickly get dressed. Once I’m dressed I open the door to face Johnny.
Lex: I wasn’t talking to anybody. Sorry if I woke up. Here’s your shirt…
He reluctantly takes his shirt, looking at me confused.
Johnny: Uhh...ok. What’s going on?
Lex: Nothing, Johnny. I have to go. Thanks for tonight, but I need to go home.
Johnny: I can give you a ride--
I shake my head as I find my jacket and head towards the door.
Lex: No, it’s okay. I’ll walk...or get a cab.
Johnny narrows his eyes and goes to argue but I quickly open the door and walk out, closing the door behind me. I’m fucking losing my mind. Well...whatever I fucking had of my mind left to begin with. I’m running around, focusing on Johnny, Tim and the rest of The Nobodies, but I’m not focused on the most important situation now.
My beef with Mercedes Vargas and the fact that she’s about to get a shot at my title at My Bloody Valentine.
I can’t...focus! I can’t fucking concentrate and keep my mind focused on where it needs to be right now. I went and started shit with Mercedes Vargas a few weeks back, intending to finish the bitch off for what she did to me on her Queen For A Day show, but now? Now I don’t even know what the fuck to do because she seems like the least of my problems. And I have a long fucking list of problems that only seems to grow every damn day.
Things were great when I first joined SCW, and I thought they would stay that way. Boy was I wrong. I thought that no matter what happened, my friendship with The Nobodies would stay just as it was...just as it should be, but things quickly changed. Why?
Was it wrong it wrong for me to go after the Bombshell Internet Championship? Was it wrong for me to do what I thought The Nobodies were out to do, and attempt to put my name in the spotlight? Not that it was going to have any effect anyway, because we’re Nobodies...it’s kinda the point. It just seems that where I am concerned, shit just took a complete one-eighty, and it fucking confuses the hell out of me. And Tim...shit, I don’t even know where I stand with Tim anymore.
I did something last week, and I feel like I betrayed him. I don’t know if there is a fix for this situation, or if I should even bother looking for one, but that is my biggest problem right now. I’m sitting here worrying about shit that has no immediate resolution in sight instead of worrying about one really fucking annoying problem that will come to a head really quickly.
Mercedes Vargas.
Ugh...just saying her name gives me a fucking headache. I know she’s going to be the biggest threat to my Bombshell Internet Championship so far, but for some reason right now...I don’t care. I really fucking don’t. And that’s not a good thing.
That’s not fucking good at all, Alexis.
**Flash Forward Six Days Later**
Sunday January 31st
After Climax Control
~*~ON CAMERA~*~
What a shitty night. No, not just shitty. Tonight was just some diarrhea like shitty night. There’s really no other way to describe it, and I don’t even know why I’m still here in California. I should just head back to Las Vegas until My Bloody Valentine II in a couple weeks, but I can’t even move right now. After my confrontation with Celeste, and then my plan to attack Mercedes again that backfired, I’m trying to relax outside. Trying to clear my head.
Key word being “trying.â€
I’m failing miserably, though. I’m sitting on the ground with my back against the wall. I have my hood up over my head, trying my best to hide my face because...well because I’m fucking crying. I don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve shed actual tears, but I can’t seem to stop tonight. Fuck, I’m such a weak little bitch! I’m trying to keep my sobbing as quiet as I can, but judging by the fact that people turn and look at me on their way out, I know I’m failing there, too. No surprise there.
I’m just a big failure, aren’t I? I failed at being a daughter. I failed at being a friend. Fuck, I even failed at being a damn Nobody! I grab at my hair, wanting nothing more than to pull out a couple of handfuls, but a familiar and unmistakable voice stops me.
Connor: Lex? What the hell are ye doing?
I quickly wipe the tears from my eyes. Or I at least try to before i lower my hood and look up at Connor. I know he can tell that I’ve been crying, but fuck if I give a shit right now. I shake my head, about to say something I’ll regret I’m sure.
Lex: Shouldn’t you be with the others, Connor? Better not let Celeste find you talking to me. She’ll have a bitch fit.
Connor lets out a laugh and takes another step towards me.
Connor: I’m sure they’ll be catching up shortly. What are ye doin’ out here by yerself? Lex, what is going on with ye lately?
I close my eyes and shake my head. Hell if I know the answer to that question, and I wipe at my eyes again.
Lex: You should probably ask Celeste that question, since she seems to know everything about the decisions I’ve made and continue to make. She apparently knows me better than I know myself…
Connor lets out a sigh before he sits down next to me. As nice as it is to have some human interaction, other than Johnny, I’d probably be better off left alone. But I don’t push Connor away surprisingly.
Connor: How many times do I have to have this discussion with ye, Lex? This new situation ye got going on needs to be resolved. Unless ye don’t want it to be.
That was more of a question than a statement and I turn and look at him. I think the look on my face gives away the fact that I really don’t know what I want and I shake my head, fighting back more tears. Jesus, Alexis, quit being such an emotional pussy.
Lex: I don’t even know what I want anymore, Con. I shouldn’t even be focusing on all this shit right now anyway. Not when I got Mercedes Vargas looking for anything and everything to use against me to get my title. I’m all over the place.
Connor: No shite sherlock! One minute I think things are fine, or on their way to being fine and the next there’s more drama following ye! Why can’t ye just get along with C?
I let out a laugh. Celeste and I, we’ve had our moments, but for the most part, we’ve been at each other’s throats more than anything. I’m not entirely sure why, but I could make several guesses.
Lex: I think we’d be pretty fine at the moment if she wasn’t pissed off at me for not following in line and signing that petition she’s starting against Mikah. Now she’s got every Bombshell pretty much against me. Not that they never were to begin with, but now they find every reason to throw it in my face that I didn’t follow C’s lead and sign. It’s frustrating as hell, Con!
He nods, but I suspect it’s not because he agrees with me. And I’m about to find out just that.
Connor: It is frustrating, Lex. It’s frustrating that yer siding against C and getting along with that self-absorbed twit. Can’t ye see that C managed to get almost every Bombshell to agree with her? Regardless of how they all feel towards her or one another? Even Mercedes Vargas…
I roll my eyes and laugh again.
Lex: Is that supposed to make me feel better about facing her, Con? Because she’s siding with C on something? Even if I signed, I’d still have a problem with Mercedes and I’d still be facing her in two weeks at My Bloody Valentine. I get that Celeste and the other Bombshells are sick of Mikah’s shit, but the whole petition and lawsuit thing...I don’t get it. And everything thinks that I’m kissing Mikah’s ass or something, and I’m not.
Connor: No, but ye sure as shite defend her a lot…
Lex: I don’t defend her, Con. I just point out how fucking irritating everyone else is being, because regardless of the stupid shit Mikah says or does, she’s not as fucking annoying as most of the other Bombshells.
Connor: Does that mean ye find C more irritating that Mikah?
Ok. I wasn’t expecting him to imply that, let alone ask that question. I look at him with a surprised look on my face. The fact that I hesitate to even answer says it all.
Connor: If the answer to that question is no, then ye really need to re-think signing that petition and standing beside C in this one. Maybe if ye do, Mercedes will have less to use against ye in two weeks. Don’t give her an advantage, Lex. Because the second ye let yer guard down...yer done.
I take in a deep breath and let out a sigh.
Lex: I don’t even think I care anymore honestly. Mercedes has already beaten me once, something she can’t say against even Celeste. But that loss was because of my own stupidity and I’m never gonna live it down. She knows it. Everyone knows it. People are going to be rooting for Mercedes in this one, so maybe I should just give them what they all want. Tim won’t even talk to me so I’m sure he wouldn’t care.
Connor: Like hell he wouldn’t. That’s a load of shite, Lex, and ye know it. Maybe if ye got yer shite straight instead of constantly piling on more drama and chaos, none of this would be a problem. Throwing in the towel against Mercedes won’t fix anything and ye know it.
I turn my head and look at him again. I’m fighting back more tears because I’m more confused than ever.
Lex: At this point maybe the only solution to all this is to just walk away and leave completely. That way I don’t have to worry about people liking me or hating me. I won’t have to worry about Celeste being jealous for whatever reason. I won’t have to worry about holding a title people I don’t think I deserve, and I won’t have to worry about hurting Tim in some form or another, because apparently that’s all I keep doing and I don’t know why. I’m tired, Con. I’m so fucking tired…
I can no longer fight back the tears as they start to pour down my face once again. In a surprising move, Connor puts his arm around my shoulder and tries to comfort me, much like a big brother would and should do.
Connor: Look, Lex...I doubt it’ll convince ye of anything, but if ye were to just up and leave, that definitely wouldn’t make things any better. Especially where Tim is concerned. He’s going through a lot right now and he needs us. All of us. And he needs us to all get along and be on a united front. And clearly, ye need us just as much as he does. So stop yer blubbering, get yer arse up off the ground and fix things. Starting with Celeste.
My sobbing slows down and I sniffle as I wipe away at my eyes. I seriously can’t remember the last time I ever cried this much. Shit...have I ever? But I take a few minutes to compose myself and take in a few deep breaths before I look back to Connor.
Lex: I don’t even think she’ll listen to me at this point, Con. I don’t think Tim would either.
Connor: Yer smarter than people give ye credit for, Lex. Ye’ll find a way to make them listen. I’m listening ain’t I?
I nod my head and let out a laugh.
Lex: I’m not sure why you are, but thanks.
Connor nods then gets back to his feet. He stands in front of me, holding his hand out and looking down at me. I take the hint and he helps me back to my feet and I quickly dust the dirt and gravel off of me.
Connor: Now ye can focus on making things right with Tim and Celeste and then moving on to beating Mercedes and retaining that title of yers. Just please, Lex, don’t give up and make things worse. If ye do, I’ll have to kick yer ass...or at least have Tessa do it.
I roll my eyes and laugh.
Lex: She might kick your ass in the bedroom, Con, but that doesn’t mean she can kick my ass. But, that’s an argument saved for another night.
Connor: Fair enough. Anyway, ye want to come back to find the others with me? I thought they’d be out by now, but guess I was wrong.
I shake my head.
Lex: I think I need to give it a few days before I approach them and try and fix things. Thanks, though.
Connor: As long as ye stick to yer word and fix things, I don’t care how long it takes.
Lex: I will, Connor. Can you do me a favor in the meantime, though?
Connor nods and gives me a look that says “anything.â€
Lex: Not that I really need to ask, but can you make sure Tim is alright for me? Or try to? Last time I saw him he looked like hell and it wasn’t easy for me seeing him like that.
Connor gives me a reassuring pat on my shoulder, nodding again.
Connor: Already taking care of it, Lex. We’ll all get Tim through this. I promise.
I try to offer an encouraged smile, but something tells me that Tim’s troubles are no where near over, but I can’t worry about that right now. I have to worry about Mercedes Vargas.
Lex: Thanks, Con. I’ll be in touch soon. I promise.
Connor: I’m not the one that needs convincing of that, Lex. Just do what ye gotta do.
I nod and say nothing else as I turn and walk away. It’s time to sort shit out and get my life back on track. One way or another. I’ve got a lot of work to do in two weeks, but I walk away more determined than ever.
I guess it’s time to get down to business. It’s time to sit here and address the Queen of SCW, Mercedes Vargas, and focus on our match in just over a week’s time at My Bloody Valentine II. Over the last couple of weeks there were few times where I was actually looking forward to facing you, Mercedes, but make no mistake about it now, that’s all changed. Now, I’m looking forward to nothing but stepping into that ring with you and redeeming myself for a loss that never should have happened in the first place.
We’re not going to be in front of your hometown crowd this time, Mercedes. People may still be on your side and rooting for you either way, but I’ve learned my lesson. I won’t make the same mistake I did last time. I won’t accidentally pin myself against you. I’m not going to cost myself the Bombshell Internet Championship, Mercedes. Think what you want. Say what you want, but it just ain’t gonna happen.
I listened to you words at Climax Control last week very closely, Mercedes. I was paying attention, but you see, I think they may have had the opposite effect of what you intended. Were they supposed to scare me? Were they supposed to intimidate me maybe? You want to take my dreams away because I almost took your career? HA! Bitch, go ahead and try, but allow me to let you in on a little something before you attempt to do that.
I don’t have any dreams, Mercedes.
I’ve never allowed myself to be weak enough to dream about anything let alone try and make them come true or allow them to come true. Why accomplish any dreams when people like you can do just what you say you’re going to? Dreams can be crushed just as easily as they were accomplished. I know that from experience and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let myself be that vulnerable ever again.
But...go ahead and think that Mercedes.
Do you think that the Bombshell Internet Championship is my dream? So you are going to take it from me? Lady, I never once dreamt of the Bombshell Internet Championship from the day I set foot in SCW, and I haven’t since. Unlike most other Bombshells, or even men on this damn roster, my decisions aren’t driven by some stupid title. No, it goes beyond that, Mercedes. Way beyond that.
It’s about respect. It’s about equality.
All my life I fought to be treated equally as my own damn identical twin sister. I found to be given the same respect and love that she was given, but for some reason, never was. I guess I should have figured it would be the same way in every aspect of my life, because let’s face it. We’re all people, right? In SCW, we’re all wrestlers. We should be treated the same fucking way regardless of age..or gender..or whatever.
So this beef between you and I, Mercedes? Goes beyond some stupid and insignificant little title. This is personal, bitch, and you’re going to find that out first hand...again. I’m not out to end your career, Mercedes. I’m not out to end your life as you know it. No, I’m out to do something much more satisfying, because you’ve done it a time or two to me.
I’m going to embarrass you, Mercedes. I’m going to humiliate you the way you’ve embarrassed and humiliated recently. Don’t think I can do it? Well, you’ll just have to wait and see, but trust me when I say this, Mercedes. It WILL happen.
At My Bloody Valentine II...I will make people point and laugh at you the way they pointed and laughed at me. Mercedes Vargas will no longer be looked the same way. I can feel it, Mercedes. And I think you can, too. My Bloody Valentine II...won’t bring anything good to you. I’ll be keeping my title and walking away with a smile on my face for several reasons.
See you in a week, Mercedes.
