[Steve Ramone]

 Steve lost the King for a Day match at December 2 Dismember III the previous weekend but this week on Climax Control he was taking on Tim Staggs of the Nobodies and since it was the week before Christmas SCW was hosting its annual Christmas special, after previously skipping over their annual Halloween Special two months ago, the match would be under a special festive theme, something we got a preview off during the December 2 Dismember PPV in the form of the Black Friday Brawl between Goth and Wyatt Peterson that opened up the show but could Steve break the tie between them?

Steve’s home, Las Vegas, Nevada
December 18th, 2015, 11:00am

There’s no place like home!

Seriously, after a long world tour (and one trip to England for Bloodstock off course) it feels amazing to be home again! I mean yeah I came home once in a while to get tickets and the like but Charlotte was happy to see me in person after so long as was Sophie, what’s that? What about Marcus? Well it was awesome to see him don’t get me wrong and he is a lot bigger than when I last saw him but he’s still a baby, I don’t think he’ll remember me touring the world during his first few months.

And speaking of young, this week I’m facing young Tim Staggs again! Well I say again but it’s really for the first time since August if we’re only counting one on one matches between us and the first time since September if we’re counting the Mixed Tag Steel Cage Match at High Stakes V but aside from those matches I haven’t really had any encounters with the little brat.

Why? Because unlike Jessie I was ready to move on from The Nobodies following the Mixed Tag Steel Cage Match and start going after titles and, well, we all know how well that ended for me over these past three months.

But I digress, apparently the bosses decided to book a rematch between us for the hell of it and I’m not exactly complaining because I get to avenge my previous defeat at Tim Staggs’ hands.

So what am I up too? Well considering that I’ve spent the past year and a half touring the world, protesting a suspension, pushing myself as the champion the fans deserve, all that fun stuff, I’ve been spending the last week at home with my wife and three children.

What’s that? I only have two children? Did you forget that I’m getting my daughter a puppy for Christmas?

Yeah I’ve met Dio (the puppy, not the late, great metal singer) and I’ll be the first to admit that he is adorable as all hell, however keeping him a secret from Sophie has been difficult since, you know, the school season ended two weeks ago and whilst Charlotte has a routine in place for keeping him away from Sophie until the big day that’s going to be difficult.

“Okay, new round and I’m the Czar.” I commented as me, Andreas, Cyrus and Charlotte drew our cards, yep, we’re playing Cards Against Humanity and we’ve added a Christmas deck and a SCW deck to the mix and at the moment the score is: four points to me, Cyrus and Andreas whilst Charlotte is behind at three. “How am……” I trailed off as I read the rest of the card and sighed in annoyance. “How am I compensating for my tiny penis?”

“Seriously?” Charlotte asked with a laugh as they played their cards and passed them too me. “We both know that you don’t have a tiny penis Steve.”

“No comment.” Cyrus and Andreas said simultaneously and I rolled my eyes.

“Let’s just get this over with.” I responded as I started to read the cards. “How am I compensating for my tiny penis? Poorly Timed Holocaust Jokes, The Biggest, Blackest Dick and……” I trailed off as I read the third one. “You had a blank, didn’t you Charlotte?”

“No comment.” Charlotte echoed and I shook my head.

“By not having a tiny penis, I think we all know the winner here.” I said as I awarded Charlotte the point and Charlotte grinned whilst Andreas and Cyrus shook their heads. “Okay, your turn to be the Czar Andreas.”

“Instead of coal, Santa now gives bad children blank.” Andreas read the card out and Cyrus immediately played his card. “Cyrus, I swear to god that had better not be the Child Abuse card.”

“I’m saying nothing.” Cyrus responded as he put his hands up defensively and me and Charlotte played the cards. “Well aside from the fact that I’m apologizing for nothing and I’m about to take the lead.”

“We’ll see.” Andreas responded as he picked up the cards. “Instead of coal Santa now gives bad children A Magical Tablet Containing a World of Unlimited Pornography, some would not consider that a punishment, Justin Bieber or……” Andreas trailed off as he started laughing his ass off.

“What?” I asked and he showed me the card at which point I nearly fell out of the chair laughing.

“Instead of coal, Santa now gives bad children membership to The Nobodies!” Andreas read the card out and we all laughed, except Cyrus who had a big grin on his face. “Let me guess, that was yours?”

“No, mine was Justin Bieber but that was pretty damn good.” Cyrus said with a laugh and I held my hand up, that was my card.

“Steve wins and he’s one point away from winning.” Andreas said as he handed over the black card to me and Charlotte drew the next black card, before she could read it out the sound of a puppy whimpering caught out attention and we looked down seeing Dio at my side, we were in the garage and we had Dio with us to avoid Sophie stumbling upon him. “Didn’t we just let him out to do his business?”

“Yeah, twenty minutes ago.” I commented as I looked at the puppy, then I noticed that his bowls where empty and frowned. “Okay, Charlotte’s the Czar so she can’t take a break.”

“Oh forget it, I’ll go feed him.” Charlotte responded as she stood up whilst making sure to place the black card facedown so that we couldn’t see it, once she returned and Dio was happily eating his food she picked up where she left off. “Oh geez, blank always makes me cum.”

“Err, I’m pretty sure that half of my cards will result in you filing for divorce.” I commented as I rubbed the back of my neck nervously and Charlotte shook her head.

“I won’t take it personally Steve, don’t worry.” Charlotte reassured me as Andreas and Cyrus played their cards and, deciding to test that theory, I played the dirtiest card in my card. “Okay, The Smallest, Whitest Dick always makes me cum, Mikah’s not so secret affair with Mark Ward always makes me cum or…. Steve, I hate you….” Charlotte trailed off before shaking her head. “Triple Penetration always makes me cum, I’m not even going to ask how that works.” Charlotte said as she shook her head and awarded me the card and the game.

“I win! Just like how I’ll win this Sunday!” I said with a cocky grin and Charlotte shook her head.

“Well, that was fun but I have to go help Sophie with her Christmas Cards to her friends from school.” Charlotte added as she stood up and walked towards the garage door. “And no, I won’t be filing for divorce, you will be sleeping on the couch though.”

“Damn it!” I cussed and Charlotte grinned before leaving, realizing that we had nothing better to do I decided to do my promo.

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year, Christmas! Well that and the weekend that I get to kick Tim Staggs’ head off all over again! In fact, we’ve prepared a mock Christmas Carol just for the occasion! Ready guys?” I asked Cyrus and Andreas and they nodded in response before we grabbed Santa’s hats and put them on as the Jingle Bells theme started playing.

“Dashing through the ring, wrestling circles around opponents
I am so awesome that no one can possibly compare to me”
OH!
Jingle Bells, Tim Staggs smells, Connor Murphy ran away
Alex screwed three guys, Celeste North cried
And I kicked Tim’s head off!”

This repeated three more times before Charlotte put a stop to it, I almost forgot that I had been banned from singing since the last time I did metal karaoke but I digress.

“Now that that’s done we’ll move onto the meat of the promo, remind me Tim, how did our last meeting end again? Oh yeah, I kicked you in the head! And hit the What Fear off the top of the cage! Granted it was Jessie that ultimately won the match for us but the fact remains that I kicked your ass not once but twice and this Sunday I’ll make it three for three!”

And before you say anything.

“Yes, yes, I know that the second time I kicked Tim’s ass it wasn’t in a match but rather a well calculated attack by the three of us but I’m still counting it because an ass kicking is an ass kicking in my mind and as far as I’m concerned this match won’t be any different! I will defeat you and that’s that! Merry fucking Christmas and a Happy Fucking New Year!”

Almost in response to this Dio barked happily as he watched us with his tail wagging and I decided to wrap things up.

“It’s been a hell of a year for SCW but I’m ending things on a high note! I may have lost the King for a Day Match but the true king will reign throughout 2016 and beyond! Tim, I don’t know if The Nobodies celebrate Christmas or not but as far as Santa Steve is concerned you’ve been a very naughty boy but instead of coal you’re getting my foot in your face! This message has been paid for and delivered by “The Fearless One” Steve Ramone the champion the fans deserve!”

We sat down to pick up on our game of Cards against Humanity as the scene fades.