[Christian Underwood]

 First RP Period Deadline:
United States: 11:59pm EST Saturday 10/10/2015
England: 04:59am Sunday 10/11/2015  

[Staggs]

 <img src=https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/3d/20/b8/3d20b8af4203a63971be644c3c39256c.gif>


One, Two, Nobodies Coming For You...
Locale: El Garaje; Santa Marta, Columbia
#NP "Jump the Gun" by Adore Delano


Outside of the large structure that looks mostly made out of tropical leaves and branches, is a large beach.  Nothing special, but a moonlit beach nonetheless.  The waves crash against the wet sand softly.  As we walk down the beach, we see couples enjoying the romantic night, some by makeshift bonfires using spare brush, while others simply look up at the stars in the sky.  The further away from the "club" we get, the lower the reggaeton music seems to pulse, and is instead replaced by blatant pulsating of young, frisky couples getting dirty.  A true testament to the area we are in.  The camera pans back a bit to see the masked female Nobody walking along as if it were nothing, while Tim Staggs, in his hooded jacket and tattered black jeans, can't help but stare like a teenage boy watching pornography.  His body moves, but his eyes do not leave the sights we are fortunately spared of seeing.  As they pass the fourth couple, Tim pats his stable mate on the shoulder, though he is clearly speechless.  Instead of saying anything, he points, moving his lips, only for gasps and squeaks to escape.

Nobody:  Jesus, you act like you're a virgin or something, Tim...

Tim:  Uhhhh...?

As Tim's eyes finally leave the surrounding erotic view, only to looks down at the sand of the beach.  This quickly prompts the masked female Nobody to turn on her heels as if she'd just heard the most shocking thing ever revealed to man.  She looks at Tim whose cheeks redden.

Nobody:  That... is...

Tim:  Lame?  I know...

Nobody: ... So hot!  I'm not even kidding.  I figured you and Alexis would have...

Tim doesn't verbally object, but his tensed body language, and completely and utterly shocked expression does enough defending to make a believer out of anyone.  The masked female still doesn't even know how to respond to this as she simply continues to walk down the beach with Tim close by.  The crowd thins out drastically as the music is only a minor note in the background to the crashing waves.  She takes a seat on the sand as Tim does the same.  He grabs onto his knees as he looks out across the water.  The masked female raises her arm a bit, letting something fall from the sleeve of her jacket.  However, instead of a weapon, it is a bottle of tequila, half full with the amber liquid.  She unscrews the cap and lifts her mask back slightly so that she can press the bottle to her lips.  She tilts her head back, taking a straight shot.  As she retracts the bottle, her lips pinch together tightly, making a bit of a face as she passes the bottle over to Tim, letting out a bit of a disgusted sigh, shaking her head from side to side before toughening up and taking it.  Tim holds the bottle, looking down to it for a moment as he contemplates.

Tim:  I'm not sure that's the best idea.  I mean, if someone finds out about it, I could get fired, you could get in trouble too... It just wouldn't be good.

Nobody:  Haha... riiiiiiiiiighhhhhht... Like they pay attention to us enough to notice you took a couple sips of tequila.  You could be juggling flaming batons in the center of the bosses office while singing "Feliz Navidad" and chugging tequila, and they wouldn't notice.  Haven't you figured that out yet?  We are The Nobodies, and there's a fucking reason, man.  No matter what we do, no one realizes we're even here.  It's not just a cool Manson song, it's a fucking lifestyle, Timmy.

She shakes her head as she watches Tim continue to contemplate.  Without trying to peer pressure him, she slowly turns away, while thinking to herself that he needs to loosen up.  Tim tilts the bottle back and takes a much bigger chug than he should have.  The masked female tries to stop him, but it's too late as he swallows it.  She sighs and shakes her head, waiting for the inevitable vomitting.

Nobody:  Just chuck it to the side, I really don't feel like looking at that right now.

Tim:  No... No, I'm going to be alright.  I've made a habit of holding back vomit since joining SCW, with the smell of bullshit wafting through the backstage area.  All of the ass eating for title opportunities, all the brown noses walking around.  It's enough to turn anyone's stomach, so I think I'll be...

Tim gags a bit as he sucks in and puffs his cheeks out a bit.  The masked female chuckles some at the face he's making, but he waves her off.  He moves around to control it as his friend takes the bottle from his hand, throwing back another shots worth.  Tim places his hand to his chest as his cheeks slowly deflate.  He celebrates as the masked female chuckles.

Nobody:  Like a champ... almost.  But you're right.  Just thinking about all the backstage bullshit makes me wanna puke too.  It's all a bunch of bullshit politics to keep us back.  I mean, do we need to star in porn videos, or model stupid fucking clothes just to get noticed?  Or maybe we should just not give a shit about anything, and then they'll promote the shit out of us.  I mean, how fucking backwards is that?

The masked female takes the bottle to her lips once more, settling it into the sand, upright.  She is surprised that Tim takes it up quickly, though cautiously only takes a small sip.  He nurses it again before settling it down in the designated spot once more.

Tim:  This whole place is backwards.  I mean, who do you see most on camera?  People who work their asses off, only to get shoved to the side.  People like Mikah and Drake Green show up whenever they have a free moment, and when they're here, they're only half with it.  Yet, I'd be willing to bet that they are the highest paid stars in SCW.  But, the real blame doesn't lie with management.  They want to make a buck, and so they deliver what the people want.  The fans are the ones to blame.

Nobody:  Ugh, fuck the fans...

Tim shakes his head from side to side.  This catches his stable mate off guard for a minute as she leans back on her arms, staring at him.  Tim organizes his thoughts for a second, which seems to be harder to do than he'd have thought, given the state of inebriation settling in.

Tim:  They can't help that they're ignorant and moronic.  It is encouraged to be dumber than a rock these days.  Brawn over brain.  Ignorance is in right now, and they're all wearing it, just like Bieber's Vanilla Ice rip off 90's hair style.  People don't question things until the idea to do so is planted in their brain.  We've tried forcing them to pay attention to us, and it hasn't exactly gone well.  Maybe we need to make them look at the big picture instead, so that they can see how screwed up this business has become.  Once they see what we see, they will have to start questioning how they spend their money.

Nobody:  That's what I like about you T-Bone.  You're so smart.  You're always five steps ahead.

Tim:  You aren't as dumb as you try to lead on with your lackadasical attitude.  I never would have thought to keep you masked to prove your loyalty.  You get to go out there in two weeks and catch everyone by surprise.  Jessie Salco won't see it coming, and neither will the fans.

The masked female Nobody's lip curls up into a half smile as she lifts the bottle of tequila to her lips, letting the warmth fill her mouth and throat with that delightful burn.  She swallows the amber liquid and turns back to face Tim.

Nobody:  I have my bright ideas from time to time.  Unfortunately, Jessie Salco... like Steve Ramone... is too idiotic to take either of us seriously.  That's going to be a huge mistake on their part.  They wanted us locked in a cage with them.  If they knew anything about either of us, they would know that's the worst idea they could have possibly come up with.  You are the son of a psychopath, and you've proven you have a vicious streak a mile long.

Tim:  That's why I was so eager to agree to this match.  It's the perfect opportunity for me to prove myself as a real badass in this company, while shutting up the idiotic babblings of Steve Ramone and Jessie Salco.  Just imagine if I were to "accidentally" crash Jessie Salco into the cage wall.  She's used to getting knocked around by five foot nothing, one hundred and twenty pound bimbos, but this is a whole new level, and I plan to take advantage of the situation at any given chance.

Nobody:  Didn't your father tell you not to hit women?  Isn't that his number one rule?

Tim:  Fuck my father... if you haven't already.

An audible gasp is heard as such an assertion escapse Tim's lips.  The masked female turns away from Tim, placing a hand in his face.  Tim smirks wickedly as he stares at his tag team partner.

Nobody:  I don't screw married men, even if he's got that sexy, crazy stare in his eyes.  Some things are sacred to me, believe it or not.  But I can appreciate you projecting your half cocked Christmas and Easter Catholic upbringing unto me with sexual shaming.  It's very classy and Republican of you.

Tim:  I have my moments... But, that's not my point.  My point is that my father taught me that I shouldn't hit women, but Jessie Salco is not a woman.  She's a scared little girl who tries to act tough.  She wants so badly to be a Mean Girl with the way she insults people.  Someone as fucked up looking as her has no right making fun of someone else's appearance.  At least I don't smell like I rolled over into dog shit two weeks ago like she does.

Nobody:  That's what that smell is!  I couldn't put my finger on it...

Tim:  There is nothing lady-like about Jessie Salco.  So, I don't know why I should feel bad if I were to say... accidentally clothesline her should Steve Ramone duck.  Or, should I collide with her extra hard if I were Irish Whipped toward the cage wall, and you accidentally push her in the way.  My father has plenty of other reasons not to want anything to do with me than "accidentally" hitting a supposed woman.

His stable mate smirks at such an assertion.  Tim proudly takes up the bottle of tequila and places it to his lips.  He takes a liberal chug before wiping at his lips.  His actions have become more animated than usual, as the sloppiness starts to settle in.  He leans into his tag team partner's shoulder as he starts to sink to the ground.  However, half way there, he lifts his heavy head and holds a finger up as if to convey he's not quite finished yet.

Tim:  Steve Ramone!  How can I forget about Steve Ramone?  I guess everyone does, so it shouldn't be THAT big of a surprise, righhhh?  I mean, he hasn't really done anything.  He won tag belts, but even J2H knew how to take a pony ride on a stronger person's back while convincing himself he was pulling his own weight.  It was even more obvious with Ramone and Acquin.  Unfortunately, Acquin didn't have the strength to carry himself, let alone Steve.  Their first real challenge, and they lost the belts.  After that, they lost to me and Kris Halich, who barely phoned in his performance that night.  Steve can blame it all on Acquin, but it takes two to tag.  When we beat them at High Stakes V, is he going to blame Jessie?  The KING of excuses will have run all out, and he'll have to admit that he got beat by a couple of Nobod...

Tim loses his train of thought as he fall into his tag team partner, and they both giggle loudly in a drunken stupor, Tim more than his partner.  She laughs with him as he rests his head on her chest comfortably.  He doesn't pass out, but instead finds a strange comfort in the bosom of his new friend.  She holds his head close as the scene fades out... TO BLACK!

[Jessie Salco]

 RP Title: "An enemy of my enemy is my friend.”

Two weeks ago the unthinkable happened, Steve and Jessie worked together for the first time since Steve attacked her then-fiancé Shane by hitting him with the Fearless Shot and it quickly became apparent why they were working together, namely The Nobodies as both wrestlers have their issues with The Nobodies.

First Steve has had his issue with them for the past few weeks stemming from a one on one match he had with the leader of the Nobodies Tim Staggs which he lost but the following week he, alongside Cyrus and Andreas, attacked Tim by posing as Masked Nobodies, Tim started the brawl two weeks ago when he tried to attack Steve when he was listening to music only to be blindsided by Cyrus and Andreas.

Jessie on the other hand had been targeted by an unknown female nobody who first made herself known by following Jessie to England and leaving her a message on Jessie’s wedding night and continued to stalk her for a couple of weeks before finally revealing herself, the Masked Nobody was with Tim when he attacked Steve but Jessie ambushed her as the brawl was going on.

This escalated until they reached the parking lot at which point Erik Staggs stepped in, stopped the brawl and declared that if they was any further altercations between then outside of a match they would be suspended with him promising to make Steve’s suspension stick this time, the following week Steve and Jessie laid out a challenge to Tim and The Masked Nobody for a Mixed Tag Team Cage Match at High Stakes V which Tim readily accepted and so the match is set, can Steve and Jessie win?

Walking down the streets of San Juan, Puerto Rico
Wednesday the 7th of October 2015, 18:00pm

It’s been a crazy couple of weeks, hasn’t it?

Actually, fuck that, these past two months have been really fucking crazy! For me it all started on my wedding night the same week as Bloodstock 2015 and it’s escalated since then, so your probably wondering one thing, how the fuck did I manage to stand to be around Steve’s egotistical ass long enough to get a conversation going?

Well, fortunately for you, I’m about to tell you.

*flashback*

We were escorted out of the arena following the brawl and taken to a nearby hospital that was kind enough to stick us with probably the only doctor in the place who spoke English, unfortunately Jake, Shane and Steve’s bodyguards had to stay behind so that they could try to convince the bosses to not take the damages out of our pay checks so yeah, I was alone with the egomaniac because they stuck our beds right next to each other.

“Any word from the guys?” Steve asked and I shook my head, they had told me that they’d text me the moment they got any word from the bosses but for now I am just going through my Facebook and Twitter feeds. “Okay, there has got to be something we can talk about because the boredoms fucking killing me!”

“Could it please kill you faster?” I muttered under my breath before turning to Steve. “Yes, let’s talk about the fact that you kicked my husband in the face with your Fearless Shot Superkick despite the fact that he had to drop out of wrestling school because he pretty much destroyed his knee taking a bad bump and is therefore not a trained wrestler.”

“Wait, Shane was training to be a wrestler?” Steve asked and I sighed in response.

“Yeah, he went into wrestling school when he was eighteen, he was always an athletic kid growing up so he figured that he may as well give it a shot.” I responded before shaking my head. “I spoke to the guy he was training under and he thought that Shane had the potential to be a great wrestler, unfortunately he never made it out of wrestling school.” I said before shuddering. “He was practicing the Leap Frog, you know, fairly basic stuff, however on his last try he landed badly on his one knee and pretty much destroyed it.”

“The trainer called for an ambulance, right?” Steve asked and I nodded in response.

“Yeah, he ended up spending the rest of the year in the hospital and the doctors basically told him that he was lucky that he didn’t destroy the rest of his leg.” I responded as I leaned back. “They also told him that even after his yearlong hospital stay was done that his prospects of being a wrestler were pretty much done, he can’t do much physical activity outside of a mosh pit but back when he recovered, well I guess you can imagine.” I added before grinning a bit. “Fortunately the trainer and the rest of the students covered his medical expenses, he was well liked in the school and he keeps in contact with the rest of the class.”

“Yeah, a similar thing happened to an old tag team partner of mine, remember Corey from the Gabriel fiasco last year?” Steve asked and I nodded. “He was a great wrestler and early on in my wrestling career we formed a tag team called the New York Connection with my sister Sara as our manager, yeah I know, real original name but keep in mind, I was the oldest in the team at nineteen!”

“Tell me about it, back when I was nineteen I had dreams of forming a metal band called Slaytallicanthraxdeth.” I responded as I shook my head. “Jake snapped me back to reality by pointing out how terrible the band name was and how quickly I’d get sued if it wasn’t a cover band which wasn’t my intention.” I responded before turning to Steve. “So what happened to Corey?”

“We were doing an indy show in New York, this was right before I was signed to the GWA and originally they wanted to sign us both, anyway it was a tag team match and we went to hit one of our signature spots, simultaneous no hands suicide dives with us landing on our feet.” Steve responded before shaking his head. “I landed fine but Corey overshot his dive and the other guy was barely able to catch him, as a result he blew out his knee and his career was basically over.”

“Didn’t he make a couple of cameos during your GWA run?” I asked and Steve nodded.

“Yeah, at the time he was expressing interest in opening his own fed but it never went anywhere, nowadays he’s trying to get his own school opened up.” Steve responded as he shook his head. “Let’s get back on track, why did you help me with The Nobodies?”

“You really think that I was trying to help you?” I asked with a deadpan expression on my face. “All I saw was a chance to get one up on the Masked Nobody that’s been a pain in my ass for the past few months, I didn’t even realize that you and your bodyguards were attacking Tim at first and no, I don’t know how I missed two men nearly as big as my brother beating up Tim.”

“I’m still wondering what the hell security was up too whilst we were brawling.” Steve responded before getting an idea. “I’ve got an idea.”

“I’m not appearing in one of your dumb political angles.” I responded bluntly and Steve shook his head. “You haven’t done one in a while come to think of it, especially since it’s a perfect time to do it what with the presidential election and all.”

“I haven’t been able to come up with good ideas for it aside from making fun of Donald Trump, only problem there is finding a replica toupee and fitting my hair under there!” Steve responded as he shook his head. “That’s not my idea anyway, we have a common enemy in the Nobodies and Erik told us that we couldn’t brawl again outside of a match.”

“I’m l"istening……” I trailed off as my phone went off.

*back to present day*

From that point we formed the plan that you saw unfold at Climax Control, we contacted Christian the moment that we were discharged asking for some interview time but didn’t tell him what we had planned, needless to say he was shocked when we made our challenge and when Tim accepted the challenge but he made it official the same night.

There’s only one thing left to do, and that’s kick some Nobody ass!

Anyway at the moment I’m walking down the streets of San Juan, Puerto Rico with Steve, Shane and Jake looking for a place to get some dinner as we’ve gotten tired of the hotel restaurant by now and as a direct result we want some good food, problem is finding a place that’s not too far away from the hotel because we forgot to get a rent-a-car.

Don’t ask how we forgot to get a rent-a-car.

“This album kicks ass!” I said enthusiastically as I looked down at my IPhone where I had the debut album by the all-star band Metal Allegiance, I was wearing my Bloodstock 2016 shirt, a pair of ripped blue jeans, a bullet belt and black boots. “You guys should listen to this…..” I trailed off as I looked around only to realize that the others were nowhere to be seen in the crowd. “Oh great, time to use my old tactic.” I commented as I removed my headphones and paused the song, the cover of “We Rock” by Dio. “SEPULTURA IS BETTER WITHOUT MAX!”

“WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT?!” Shane’s voice rang out before he stormed through the crowd, once he saw me he calmed down a bit once he put it together. “Jess, I know we got separated but never utter such blasphemy when I’m in earshot.”

“I didn’t so much utter it as I yelled it at the top of my lungs.” I responded before sharing a quick kiss with Shane. “Have you seen Steve and Jake?”

“I’ve been trying to avoid Steve ever since you made the challenge but aside from that? No, I haven’t seen them.” Shane grunted in annoyance before thinking for a moment. “Okay, we know Jake can’t decide on a favourite band but what about Steve?”

“Well he seems to be a big fan of Battle Beast.” I responded before putting my hand to my mouth again. “BLACK METAL AND SYMPHONIC METAL ARE TODAY’S EQUIVILENT OF GLAM METAL!”

“OH HELL NO!” Jake’s voice rang out and he quickly made his way towards us, then again considering his height it wasn’t hard to miss him since he dwarfed most of the San Juan residents, once he caught up to us he folded his arms. “That was low Jess.”

“Maybe but we’re no longer separated, aren’t we?” I pointed out and Jake grunted in annoyance. “That just leaves Steve, what do you know about Battle Beast?”

“They are a guitar driven, female fronted Power Metal band from Finland, most of their lyrics are about anime and Cyberpunk and their lyrics are a lot darker than what you usually find in Power Metal.” Jake responded and I nodded. “Just a fair warning, their vocalist’s vocals are basically on the same level of Rob Halford and Bruce Dickinson so maybe avoid insulting the music.”

“Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing.” I responded before getting ready to call out to Steve. “BATTLE BEAST ARE A CRAPPY GIMMICK BAND!”

“OH! IT’S ON MOTHERFUCKER!” Steve’s voice rang out before he made his way through the crowd accompanied by Cyrus and Andreas which made it easy to spot him, especially after he saw me. “Jess, our partnership is on thin ice already because I kicked Shane in the face earlier this year, don’t make it even thinner.”

“And I’ll say the same to you.” I responded as I folded my arms. “Anyway, at least tell me that you were able to find a place to eat.”

“Yeah, I found a place.” Cyrus responded as we turned to him. “Antojitos Del Callejon, and no, I don’t know what that name is in English but it’s pretty close and it’s got some great reviews.”

“Then I guess it’s settled.” Steve responded before pausing for a moment. “We’ll catch up with you, we’ve got a promo to do.”

“Got it.” Cyrus nodded before they walked off whilst making sure that we could still see Cyrus, Jake and Andreas from where they were, once we were alone Steve turned to me.

“Are you sure that you’ll be able to put your differences with me aside for this match?” Steve asked and I nodded without hesitation.

“For a chance at that masked bitch? I’d team up with Veronica if necessary if she was teaming with Alexis instead.” I responded and Steve nodded in approval. “So, what order do you want to do the trash talking in?”

“I’ll go first and then you?” Steve offered and I nodded in response as we turned to the camera ready for the trash talk. “For me this whole thing started three weeks before Summer XXXTreme III and for Jessie it started one week later, in case you can’t tell we’re talking about the problems we’ve been having with the Nobodies and in two weeks’ time at High Stakes we will settle it in a mixed tag team cage match!”

This is a first.

“There have been cage matches in the past off course, there’s been singles matches, tag team matches, that one Triple Cage Match that took place last year but never in wrestling history has there been a mixed tag team cage match! Off course I didn’t specify that stipulation for the hell of it, instead I specified it to keep the rest of the Nobodies out and Tim and Ms. Masked Nobody in! Here’s how it’s gonna work, I’ll do my trash talk first followed by Jessie, any objections? No? Don’t give a shit either way!”

Steve said as he folded his arms.

“Tim, you are one sneaky bastard but my opinion of you hasn’t changed since I did that sneak attack on you a few weeks before Summer XXXTreme III, as far as I’m concerned your mother should’ve swallowed your sperm.....okay that sounds incredibly wrong so let me rephrase! What I meant to say was that your mother should’ve gave Spike a blowjob!”

I couldn’t help but face-palm at that but I didn’t say anything, Steve was earning enough dirty looks as it was!

“But alas, she didn’t and you are the result of that fact! However just because your Spike’s kid doesn’t mean I won’t kick your ass in this match and considering that this is a cage match that just means that I won’t have anything to worry about as far as you escaping the match, unless you manage to escape the cage but that won’t happen! Take it away Jess!”

At least he didn’t leave off on the blowjob comment!

“Masked Nobody…..okay you know what? Until I know better I’m just going to call you Jane Doe because I’m getting tired of saying Masked Nobody all the time! Anyway! Jane, as my unofficial nick-name for you might indicate I know shit-all about you going into this match but on the other hand it’s not exactly the first time I’ve been in that situation and this time around it won’t end well for you.”

I said as I folded my arms.

“Let’s face it Jane, if it weren’t for Erik’s intervention you wouldn’t be competing at this show, in fact you probably would’ve never seen that inside of a ring but alas, Erik had to ruin my fun! That said in this match Erik won’t be around to save your ass and at the end of the night we will all know your true identity but only after I’ve kicked your ass all over the ring!”

I nodded to Steve who took his cue.

“Tim, Jane, do you realize what you have done? You have forced me and Jessie into what TV Tropes calls an Enemy Mine situation, what do I mean by that? Well the quote comes from an old Arabic saying that basically goes like this, “An Enemy of my Enemy is my friend” and what that basically means is that you’ve forced two people who hate each other to work together towards a common goal, humiliating the Nobodies at High Stakes V!”

Steve nods to me and I took it as my cue to wrap things up.

“And trust us guys, we intend to make good on that promise! With my skill and Steve’s veteran instincts we are an unstoppable force and the only way you can win is if Steve’s ego gets in the way of our end goal and something tells me that history won’t repeat its self in that regard! This is the Heavy Metal Bitch Jessie Salco signing off….”

“Whilst I remind you that this message has been sponsored and paid for by “The Fearless One” Steve Ramone.” Steve chimed in and I nodded in approval before finishing my sentence.

“Tim, Jane, Jane’s mask won’t be the only thing coming off at High Stakes for the world will see Tim as the talentless idiot he is!”

We walked off to join the others as the scene fades.

[Christian Underwood]

 The first RP period is now over. All RPs posted from here on in will count towards week two.

Second RP Period Deadline:
United States: 11:59pm EST Friday 10/16/2015
England: 04:59am Saturday 10/17/2015

[Steve Ramone]

 RP Title: “We’re not gonna take it.”

High Stakes V was this weekend and that meant that the epic showdown between the teams of Tim Staggs and the female Masked Nobody (or Jane Doe as Steve had taken to calling her) and “The Fearless One” Steve Ramone and “The Heavy Metal Bitch” Jessie Salco in a mixed tag team Steel Cage Match was only days away.

As we learned last week Steve made the challenge to Tim and Jane Doe for one reason, to ensure that no other Nobody members would get involved in the match but considering the turbulent history between Jessie and Steve over the past year the other Nobodies may not need to interfere as the team may implode during the course of the match.

And then there was Jessie herself! As stated last week she has had her troubles with Jane Doe ever since her wedding night two months ago but Jane hasn’t made an effort to respond to any of Jessie’s comments that she made during the first promo but this week both women get their chance to have their final say on the matter.

Tempers were flaring, feuds were boiling and one of the two teams hated each other! This match has all the ingredients for a classic but the main question is, can Jessie and Steve win the match?

Local gym, San Juan, Puerto, Rico
Friday the 16th of October 2015, 7:00am

These past two weeks have been pretty crazy.

Yes, I know Jessie opened her promo by basically saying the same thing but here’s the thing, I agree with her! After I kicked Shane in the face earlier this year I said that it’ll be a cold, cold day in hell before we saw eye to eye on anything but I guess Satan’s taking ice skating lessons as we speak because we agree on one thing, how much we hate The Nobodies!

Well okay there’s one other thing we agree on and that’s how excited we are for next year’s Bloodstock festival over in England but that goes with the territory especially after Mastadon were announced last Sunday night! Well okay we don’t see eye to eye on that either because Jessie hasn’t heard much of Mastadon’s work whilst I’ve been a fan for years but still! And since Bloodstock’s doing another announcement soon I’m watching the Facebook feed on my phone whilst we work out at an insanely early time in the morning.

Yes, I am that good at multi-tasking.

“Any word on the new headliners Steve?” Cyrus asked as he and Andreas worked the hand weights, Jessie was off in the corner doing sit-ups with Jake and Shane and I was over here on the rowing machine……well, rowing. “I’m not sure about the time zone difference between the UK and Puerto Rico but isn’t this around the time that Bloodstock usually announces bands?”

“Actually I’m pretty sure that the UK is five hours ahead of us.” Andreas responded as he worked out. “In other words, we likely slept right through the announcement.”

“Great, I knew I should’ve turned on “Enable Notifications” for Bloodstock’s Facebook Page!” I grunted in annoyance as I stopped rowing and grabbed my phone, I accessed the Facebook app just as Jessie, Jake and Shane walked up.

“Err guys, we’re heading out for Breakfast, want to join us?” Jessie offered as she wiped the sweat from her brow, she was currently clad in a sports bra and yoga pants but that was her workout outfit and she had her regular clothes waiting for her in the locker room, off course by “join us” she meant “eating at different tables” since our two parties still hated each other. “Guys?”

“Steve’s checking the Bloodstock Facebook page for the latest announcement.” Andreas responded as he nodded towards me, damn this gym’s crappy Wi-Fi straight to hell! “If I’m correct about the time zone difference we missed it by an hour.”

“Well yeah but we were asleep at the time!” Shane pointed out before I pumped my fist into the air and let out an excited “WHOOO!” “Is Testament the headliner?!”

“As much as I’d love that, no.” I responded as I shook my head and Shane frowned. “But who they got as a headliner instead is pretty awesome! TWISTED MOTHERFUCKING SISTER!”

“Please tell me you mean the psychotic SCW wrestler?!” Shane asked as Jake grinned broadly and Jessie shook her head in disappointment. “Seriously? They booked a glam metal band who’s outfits made Rob Halford’s outfits in the 1980s look manly instead of….well anyone else?!”

“Got to love the close mindedness of a metal elitist.” Jake commented as he shook his head and Shane rolled his eyes. “Let me guess, this has to do with the whole fair well tour thing their doing after AJ Perro’s death last year right?”

“Right, their replacing him with Mike Portney, you know, the former Dream Theatre drummer?” I asked and they nodded. “Basically this is going to be their last UK show ever and they get to do it whilst headlining a pretty major festival and before you bitch any more about it Shane, well we all know that that last year’s headliners, apart from Within Temptation, were shit but the rest of the line-up made up for it.”

“Well okay, Within Temptation wasn’t crap for you and Jake but we were over on the Sophie Stage losing our minds to Fleshgod Apocalypse.” Shane responded as he folded his arms. “Besides, I could’ve sworn I heard that Within Temptation had technical issues.”

“Only when they were set to perform “Ice Queen” AKA the song with the video that you consider to be the Birdemic of music videos forcing them to skip it entirely but aside from that the set went off without a hitch.” Jake responded and Shane shook his head. “Besides Steve has a point, the rest of the line-up hasn’t even been announced yet.”

“True, I guess they’ll be something decent on the Sophie stage, either that or me and Jess will just bang in our tent like we did after Sabaton finished their set last year.” Shane responded and Jessie laughed at that. “Anyway you never answered our offer.”

“Huh? Oh, right, the breakfast thing.” I responded before nodding to Jessie. “You up for doing our trash talk first Jess?”

“Sure? Why not?” Jessie shrugged as she shifted her bra strap. “Let me get dressed first, wait for me here okay?”

“Sure.” I responded as she and Shane and Jake left, a few minutes passed and Jessie returned wearing her Dark Angel t-shirt that she got at Bloodstock and blue jeans. “I opened things up last week, you want to start first?”

“What? No ladies first?” Jessie asked with a grin and I shook my head.

“Jess we both know that you’re way too much of a tomboy to be considered a lady.” I responded and Jessie laughed.

“Good point but I’m still going to start.” Jessie responded before she turned to the camera which I was already facing. “Two months, two fucking months! That’s how long I’ve waited to get my hands on the Masked Female Nobody ever since she entered my life and this Sunday at High Stakes V I’ll get to do just that in the mixed tag team cage match!”

Jessie said as she folded her arms.

“Steve took to calling you Jane Doe because he got tired of calling you Masked Female Nobody all the time but as far as I’m concerned he’s being too generous! Why do I say that? Usually Jane Doe is a name given to an unidentified woman, usually a murder victim, until the police discover their true identity which could take years, provided she’s ever identified at all, but as far as I’m concerned you don’t deserve that much consideration.”

Jessie said as she shook her head.

“Why? Because you are not normal! I know the same can be said for about 50% of active wrestlers but you? You are special in that regard, like I said during the sit-down interview at the last Climax Control when I saw your face unmasked briefly I never saw your face before and whilst you say that you are doing this out of some misguided loyalty to Tim but I’m calling bullshit on it! You’re just jealous of my success in the wrestling business and jealously will only lead to your defeat!”

Jessie nods to me and I took over from her.

“And that just leaves me and you Tim! And unlike Jessie I know a lot about you! You are an obnoxious, self-important emo teen with an ego the size of Manhattan and these are your good qualities! And before you say anything about “pot calling the kettle black” in your promo later on today Tim we are nothing alike!”

We couldn’t be more different if we tried!

“Sure I have an ego but I can back it up in the ring to a greater extent than you can and not only that but you are what’s wrong with this generation! You expect everything to but given to you for nothing and I’m here to give you a reality check! Just because you come from a famous family doesn’t mean that everyone should just how to your every whim but then again what do I know about that? I actually earned my legacy in the wrestling business!”

Key word being legacy.

“That’s the keyword of my beef with you Tim, legacy! I have left a proud legacy in this wrestling business over the years and I will leave a great legacy in the form of my two children Sophie and Marcus but you? You don’t want anything to do with your family’s legacy but you still expect everyone to take you seriously, well I’ve got some bad news for you Tim, we’re not gonna take it anymore!”

“Did you just quote a Twisted Sister song?” Jessie asked and I nodded.

“Yeah, it was the first thing that came to mind since they were announced earlier.” I responded before I decided to wrap things up. “The song of this promo is “We’re Not Gonna Take It” by Twisted Sister, why? Because I and Jessie will not take any more of your bullshit anymore and we’re going to do something about it by kicking your asses! This message has been paid for and provided by “The Fearless One” Steve Ramone…..”

“With some help from the Heavy Metal Bitch Jessie Salco.” Jessie chimed in and I nodded in agreement.

“And this Sunday we are going to kick some Nobody ass!”

We left the gym as the scene fades.