Roxi - So there I was, 25 guys all against me. It was hopeless....Or so you'd think anyway. I mean, you know how I am. Anyway after a few minutes, biff, pow, zap, they're all down. Once again, city saved thanks to muah.
[ She does that a lot. ...Exaggerate her stories. Roxi sits in full superhero costume, a dark green/black bodysuit with a full mask over her face. Her red hair is tied in a pony tail and hidden from view. Her retractable staff on her hip, along with her utility belt.
She sits playfully on the edge of a tall building. Her legs dangle off the edge. She swings them playfully. She's alone. Waiting.]Roxi - But do I get any thanks? No. Of course not. It's always the "Guild" that gets all the credit.
[ ...And talking. A lot. To no one in particular.]
Roxi - It's just not fair. Am I bad for wanting a little personal recognition?
[ She turns to the stone gargoyle on the rooftop, awaiting a response. ]Roxi - That's what I thought. This is why I like you Herman. You're such a great listener.
[ She looks down and checks her watch. ]Roxi - Oops. Gotta run.
[ She blows the statue a kiss before standing up and skipping away. ]Roxi - Chim chiminey Chim chiminey Chim chim cher-ee! A sweep is as lucky As lucky can be!
[ When she finished the opening stanza, an explosion is seen in the direction she's going. She stops, checks her watch, shrugs and continues skipping towards it. ] Predictable. Oh well, let's see how many there are?[ She stands on the high rooftop peering down. She pulls out her binoculars and looks. ] Aww. Only 5. This isn't going to be any fun.[ After kicking the ground like a little kid, She stealithy moved down the ladder of the roof to a comfortable distance. Then, for no explainable reason... ]Roxi - Geronimo!
[ She shouts, gaining everyone's attention and leaps off to the ground. ] I wonder if Native Americans are required to shout that if they jump out of a plane? Do they not find that offensive? I do, and I'm not even Native American. I do however...have reservations.[ Terrible joke aside. She lands on the ground and assumes a fighting pose. ]Roxi - Avon calling.
[ She says in a tough-girl voice. ]Roxi - So guys....what 'cha doin'?
[ The thugs drop the boxes they were moving, and stare at her. ]
Thug #1 - You? What are you doing here?
Roxi - Whew, let me tell you. It's a really fun story and -
Thug #1 - Shut up! Boys?
[ The men slowly surround her ]Roxi - Quick question: Is it possible to do that scene from the second Matrix movie? You know the one where Neo has that pole and he kicks all those agent smiths?
[ They look at her, confused. ]Thug #1 - Oh, we got a pole for you girly.
Roxi - Are...are you hitting on me? Because that was an awful pickup line. I mean, I've heard some bad lines, but that was terrible.
Thug #1 - Somebody shut this bitch up!
Roxi - I assume your best is "does this rag smell like chloroform?" then.
[ Two rush her, she effortlessly leaps into the air behind one and drives him into the other. A third comes in throwing wild hay makers. She easily dodges them before poking him in the eye before kicking him in the back, sending him flying. The fourth tries an attack from behind, but a shot to the solar plexus drops him. The talkative thug rushes her, but she simply backdrops him on the pavement. She grabs his arm, holds it and stomps on it, effectively breaking it. The first two thugs get back up, one with a pipe. ] Ooh, a pipe. Well, at least he's dedicated. [ The armed thug rushes, but gets monkey flipped to the ground. She flips on top and She drops her knee into his carotid artery and within seconds he's out. All the while, she blocks an incoming kick and uses momentum to take that thug down. She rolls off of the unconcious one and onto the back of the fallen on, before smashing his face into the ground. He's out too. ] 3 down, 2 to go.[ The thug poked in the eye is back up, and the solar plexus thug along with him. They look at each other, then at her. ]Roxi - Whoa, whoa, okay guys. I'm getting pretty tired. What do you say we wrap this up?
[ They charge. She quickly pulls her staff from her hip and extends it. They try to stop themselves, but two quick shots from the metal pole is enough to finish this. She begins tying them up. ]Roxi - Why couldn't you guys be more like Herman, huh? He LOVES my stories. Oh well.
For some reason, I always feel like some kind of dominatrix when I'm tying people up. I mean, girl in skin-tight outfit tying up dudes.. Thankfully you're all unconscious otherwise this would be awkward.[ She finishes and is about to use her wrist communicator...]Thug #1 - Bitch! you broke my arm!
Roxi - Yup. That was me.
Thug #1 -I swear when I get outta her...I'm gonna get you.
[ She stares at him for a moment, hands on hips. She walks over and kneels down next to him. ]Roxi - You know, you are persistent. I mean, I took you and four of your buddies there, down pretty easily. And yet here you are, threatening me....or hitting on me again, I'm not sure which. So, tell you what...I will allow you to touch my boobies.
Thug #1 -...What? You're one crazy bitch.
Roxi - Go on. Touch 'em. Something to get you through those tough times in prison. Tell all your friends about it too.
[ He reaches for her chest with his good arm. He's so close but then she pulls back and headbutts him, knocking him out. ]Roxi - Pervert. Oh, ow! ow!
[ She grabs her head in pain. ] Note to self: Never. Headbutt. Anyone.[ She now can speak into the wrist communicator. ]
Roxi - Guild base, Lady Bedlam here, mission accomplished.
[ There's buzzing as the other end of the speaker comes back. ]Guild Base Operator: Guild base will not acknowledge the name "Lady Bedlam" No hero under the guild has that name.
[ She angrily sighs before talking again. ]Roxi - Are we really going to play that game Rudy? Mission is accomplished.
Guild Base Operator: Guild base to the last caller please identify.
Roxi - You know damn well who this is.
Guild Base Operator: Guild base to the last caller please identify.
[ She bit her lip in anger under the mask. ]Roxi - Guild Base....this is Crab Girl. Mission accomplished.
Guild Base Operator: Roger that, Crab Girl.
[ With that she stormed off, leaving the unconscious men tied up.] Well, that was last night. My name is Roxi Johnson, Also known as Lady Bedlam. Don't like that prick Rudy confuse you. I USED to be crab girl. But then again, for a while it was nice to be her too. Before that however, I tried to get into the crime fighting business and go solo. It...seriously does not work that way. Stupid Government. No my friends, the superhero world is much harder to get into than you'd think. It takes more than tights, a cape, and a mask. Let me tell you a story.
[ Flashback sequence go! ...
Fade into Roxi sitting on top of a similar but different rooftop. She wears an all black "catsuit" with a Lone-Ranger type mask. She scouts the area. ] Alright, let's see, 8 men, 2 armed. Gotta get them first. [She goes to move in, when she is tapped on the shoulder. She turns, and spots Mr. Amazing, resident superhero.] Crap. Mr. Amazing - *clears throat*
Whoa, face to face with his junk. Sexually awkward. Holy crap. You could bounce quarters off those abs...I think I'm in love.Roxi - ....Yes? Is there something I can do for you?
Please say sex.Mr. Amazing - Well...
Roxi - If you say anything in the realm of sex... Yes. I will totally do that.
Mr. Amazing - What? No. I want to know who you are and why you're here.
Roxi - I'm...I'm....
Mr. Amazing - You're not with the guild are you?
Roxi - Guild?
Mr. Amazing - Guild of Super Heroes International Taskforce.
Roxi - Uh, maybe.
Mr. Amazing - Why do I doubt that.
Roxi - Because...I'm not a great liar. Good maybe, not great.
Mr. Amazing - Enough. The point is, you cannot fight crime here.
Roxi - Why not?
Mr. Amazing - Because you are not part of the Guild, and even if you were, this is my zone.
Roxi - You're zone?
Mr. Amazing - Everything east of the river, down to the library, I cover it.
Roxi - But...but I wanna fight crime!
Mr. Amazing - Sorry, Miss, you're going to have to join the guild In order to fight.
Roxi - How can I join the guild?
Mr. Amazing - Register at the Fortress of Fight. However, we only take those that are gifted.
Roxi - Oh. Sounds easy enough.
Mr. Amazing - If you say so.. Now if you'll excuse me.
[ He flies off, and of course, deals with the problem. ]
Yeah. That's how it all started. All that bureaucratic nonsense just to stop crime? Whatever happened to Citizens on Patrol? It's not just a great Police Academy movie, it's a plan. Wait...unarmed, untrained people stopping crime.
Yeah, that's a terrible idea.
I stand by the Police Academy movie being good though. [ Moving on... back at present day. She storms back into the Guild command center. obviously angry. ]Roxi - What the hell Rudy!
Rudy: Ah, Crab Girl. Good going on the mission.
Roxi - Shut up. I told you, my name is Lady Bedlam now.
Rudy: It hasn't been approved. So you're still -
[ She grabs him by the collar and lifts him up. She pulls off her mask so he can see her eyes. ]Roxi - Call me Crab Girl one more time. I will stab you in the nuts. You got me?
Rudy: Okay, okay. Calm down.
Roxi - I know where you sleep Rudy.
Rudy: Don't remind me.
Roxi - Now, anything new?
Rudy: Yeah, Commander Lyon wants to see you about a new assignment.
Roxi - See, was that hard?
Rudy: Shut up.
Roxi - Later Rudy.
Rudy: Later crab -ah!
[ She instantly tosses a throwing knife at him, it lands a few inches from his crotch. ]Roxi - Told you. I'll stab you later.
[ She casually walks down the hallway til she finally gets to the Commander's office. ]Roxi - Commander, you wanted to see me?
Commander Lyon - Yes. I have a new assignment for you.
Roxi - Uh-oh, sounds like Juneau again.
Commander Lyon - It's not. Word is your a trained pro wrestler?
Roxi - Yes.
Commander Lyon - Good, we want you to do a little recon in a place called SCW. Sin City Wrestling.
Roxi - Sounds dirty. What are my orders? Can I hurt people?
Commander Lyon - You know the rules.
Roxi - Damn.
Commander Lyon - Just...Do some recon for us. This is an eyes and ears type mission. We're setting everything up for you. And Vision will be your link back here.
Roxi - Sir, I can do this solo.
Commander Lyon - Vision is your partner, no arguing.
Roxi - Alright, but if he tries anything, I will break his leg. And arm. And back. and ankle. And wrist.
Commander Lyon - Duly noted. Now if you would, close the door on your way out. Your assignment starts now.
Roxi - Sir, what am I not hurting people for? What's the point of this?
Commander Lyon -....
Roxi -...Is this to get rid of me for a while?
Commander Lyon - Not at all.
Roxi - Is this is about you're juicer...I already said I was sorry.
Commander Lyon -You're digging a deeper hole.
Roxi - Fine. Fine. I'm going.
[ She turns, and slinks out of the office. ]Commander Lyon - Uh, excuse me?
Roxi - What?
Commander Lyon - Put it back.
Roxi - Dammit. How did you know?
Commander Lyon - You're never going to sneak that out of here with your costume on. It bulges.
Roxi - One of these days.
Yeah. So that happened. I'm supposed to use my awesome wrestling skill to...I guess win around here. Plus, if things get rowdy, I get hurt people. Things will get awesome. Possibly explody too. [ Fade into the Roxi's new digs. She peeks around looking intrigued by everything.]
Vision - You're like a little kid.
Roxi - What does this do?
Vision - Don't touch that!
Roxi - Whoops.
Vision - Can you please focus.
Roxi - Focus on what, I don't even know why we're here.
Vision - Just...listen. Read this.
[ A printout shows up on Roxi's computer. ]Roxi - What's this?
Vision - It's why you're there.
Roxi - WHAT?! THAT'S WHY I'M HERE?
[ Stay tuned for issue #2: Code Name: Crab Girl ]
