“Who's fucking who?”
Black.
“It's like a Lewis Black thing am I right?”
Fade in. It's Blade Alexander.
“It seems to me like lately around here in SCW it's all about what guys are fucking what girls, and that seems just as ridiculous to me as things could get in professional wrestling. It's like SCW has this rule... This rule where none of the guys can put their hands on any of the girls or else bad things will happen.”
“They never really tell you what the bad things are mind you... They just leave it up to your imagination like you're a little kid and the worst you can dream up is worse than anything they'd ever think of doing. But here's the thing... They wont do anything.”
He's alone, it's outside. It's fall now. Leaves have changed and all that jazz. It's also dark too, but it gets dark early enough now that who knows what time it really is. Could be 9 pm, could be 8 am. Who knows.
“They wont do anything to you... They're too scared. For all the reputation they have is legends, it's not their man on woman rule that they really care about. If it was there would be far less drama around the SCW locker rooms. We could just go about our business and when someone tried to promote a wrestling card in this company they might actually talk about wrestling.”
“But no, you wont see any of that. You'll only here the girls... what do they call them here? Bombshells? You'll only hear them bitching to one another about who slept with who's man like they'd prefer to be on Jerry Springer rather than something associated with the Nation Wrestling Alliance.”
“Things were much better before all the women got involved.”
Leaves, now golden and orange in color and fallen blow about casually on the ground.
“And I don't mean to be sexist here, but really. Things were better. It's not that the women are bad. If they were just bad I mean, that I could live with because at least they'd be trying. At least then they'd care.”
“But no, they don't. They're not here because they love wrestling. They're not here because they want to do this for a living. They're just here because you can't get good movie roles if all you've ever done was take your clothes off on the internet. I'm pretty sure if you Google it you'll even find pictures of Misty out there, naked both before and after she had her kids. The worst part is I know that like... 90 percent of you are watching this online and just paused this just to take a look to see if you could see Misty naked. What's worse is that I know about 85 percent of those don't even have their pants back on yet because you found those pictures.”
Blade is walking alone down a leaf-covered sidewalk. In the background is a middle school and along side the walk is a chain link fence that Blade is running his fingers along as he walks by.
“Ah Misty... You've finally come back to us to reveal a great secret about your old flame Spike. It's just too bad everyone already knows his secret... He's a douche bag's excuse for a human being. People who meet Spike for the first time often remark on how he emits a very strong shit odor. It's because he comes from the Kevin Nash school of wrestling which states that as long as you brown-nose your bosses and play politician in the locker room then you don't actually have to know a single thing about wrestling.”
He's wearing a rather decent coat, a black woolen stately looking coat with a charcoal grey hooded sub layer. He's bleach blonde hair stands out in the street light in contrast to his dark attire and nightly surroundings.
“Last weekend I wasn't booked for the big Halloween show for SCW. A year prior I main evented that show and secured myself the contents to a very lucrative briefcase, but now SCW would rather drop me out of their spotlight whenever possibly. Sure as a wrestler I'm head and shoulders above everyone else, but what use does a regional professional wrestling promotion need with someone who can wrestle when they have transvestites, trans-sexuals, fetish models, emo boys, and teddy bears?”
“A year ago SCW became a viable enterprise based on the fact that it had me in it's main events. It took off thanks to Blade Alexander, but now they've got nothing for me. I've been forced into a consolation match for tag team titles that people have honestly forgot were there just because the people behind SCW don't remember what that W at the end stands for.”
“And what better way to show those titles mean something than throwing the comedy act that holds them against two random guys who just happened to have been in the original SCW main event.”
“Oh how the mighty have fallen they say.”
He stops and turns to face the camera.
“Yeah, the mighty have fallen alright, but it wasn't D-Block and I that did the falling, it was every single other person involved in SCW. It's everyone who sat back and did nothing while our sport was rapped by people who couldn't apply a wrist lock.”
“It's not that the tag team champions are so great that they can't be beaten, it's just that no one cares to do it. Throw some random people together then put them in the ring against people who call themselves sinners on Sunday night, but spent their entire Sunday morning in the front row of their church leading every hymn. It's sad. It's pathetic. It's not professional wrestling anymore. It's not even wrasslin'. SCW has devolved into nothing more than an asylum for imbeciles who couldn't even complete the most menial of tasks and contribute at least a little to society.”
“Now I get why DJ has already got one foot out the door... Instead of building this thing up and having it go somewhere, getting people involved by building up their excitement, they would rather just put the two of us together because they saw us talking once, and that's what they think a tag team is in SCW. Two guys who have met before.”
“Last weekend I was out proving to the world that I was one of the best and that I belong in the very top of the rankings, not just for the SCW Championship, but for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship. Was I ranked previously? Of course not. That would require SCW actually wanting me to represent them and they don't want that, I'm neither a joke no a puppet. They'd rather vote for Spike, a fucking chicken who has to cry to someone to get a title shot in SCW but when it comes to winning a belt back that was stolen from him, he shrugs it off. You want that piece of shit as the poster child for SCW? He looks like some 80's rocker who still dresses like he's 20 because he needs to be relevant. He's talentless. He's spineless. He's an asshole. Let me put it in terms that you might be able to understand... Spike is supposed to be a fan favorite, but when he lost the NWA World Title people fucking cheered... Think on that for a bit.”
He resumes walking.
“Back to the whole tag team thing... Does it seem like I've not really mentioned my opponents? I haven't really. Why would I? They do absolutely nothing to actually promote this match so why should I? They do nothing to sell the fact they're the tag team champions, so why should I? They're more interested in airing their personal laundry to anyone who'd watch or listen and crying about it on Twitter than doing the simple act of saying the word wrestling in something that is supposed to promote a wrestling match. No wonder DJ has one foot out the door. He actually wants to wrestle and as long as he sticks around here then there's no threat of that ever actually happening.”
“I'm sorry people, I really really am... Here you've listened to this whole rant and you've expected me to talk about my family, my friends, whatever 'Bombshell' I'm fucking but I'm just not the kind of guy SCW is looking for. I talk about wrestling. I do wrestling stuff. When I cut what we in the business call a promo I actually try to promote the match. I don't come here to sell some elaborate fantasy that I'm some rich whomever dealing with my rich people problems. I'm not the reincarnation of some long dead Egyptian pharaoh, I'm just a dude with a modest apartment living in a modest city struggling to cope with working for an outlandish company who's association with wrestling doesn't really extend much beyond the marque. Hey, you never know though right? Things could change.”
Fade.
