Static overtakes the screen for the briefest of moments until Jamie Staggs face is seen directly in front of it. Commotion is heard behind him, but none of it phases him. His eyes are wide open, and he almost seems as if a laugh were choking him. Struggling to keep it together, he opens his mouth, only to let go of the laugh. He quickly catches himself before taking one step back, allowing the light to take over his face.
“You are looking at…”
Jamie gives into the laughter once again, but refuses to look behind him. The whole room laughs and undistinguishable comments are made involving Jamie’s name. He regroups, trying one more time.
“Okay! You are looking at Sin City Wrestling’s newest wrestler…”
Someone rushes into Jamie, tackling him to the ground. The camera looks down to see a younger guy with spiked blonde hair with several distinct colors streaked into his spikes, rolling around with Jamie.
“Dude! Seriously, get the *BEEP* off me! I’m trying to look bad ass in front of the camera for my FIRST Sin City Wrestling promo.”
“Why don’t you make me big brother. Show ‘em that you aren’t the b***h of the family!”
Jamie grabs his little brother in a headlock and the two struggle to best each other until Jamie shoves him onto the couch and sits down on him. He uses his size advantage to hold the fairly short guy down as he looks back to the camera.
“Okay` so… Ummm… I was asked to enter this lethal lottery thing and I gotta say. Looking at the possible partners, I hit the jackpot. I got the dude that took out Blade Alexander in his debut. Lotsa people have been saying… They say, “Jamie… That dude is bugsh*t crazy. How are you gonna rely on that guy to help you win the tag titles?” So I said… Dude, if you don’t stop moving, I’m gonna fart all over you! Serious.”
Tommy rolls from under Jamie as quickly as possible and leaves the cameras line of vision. Jamie turns back to the camera, his eyes wide open, and he looks back at the camera, as if he hadn’t missed a beat, except he leans in close to the camera, cupping his hand around his mouth to whisper.
“I said, ‘Have you seen my wife?!?’”
Jamie’s eyes open wider, almost quivering at the laughter he is trying to hold in. His lips pucker as he struggles to gain control.
“That b***h is crazy, and that carries over to the bedroom. Believe that, SCHWING!”
Jamie stands up from the couch, turning sideways as he looks over to the group of people behind him. All of them seem to be playing cards down in the “game room” of Spike and Misty’s house. There are four men surrounding the table, and behind them are Tommy as his girlfriend, Desiree. They are seen quietly talking as the men around the table grunt and shout while the loud music blasts from the stereo. Jamie looks over to another couch to his right where his nephew is seen playing video games on the couch.
“This guy knows what I’m talkin’ about, eh? Eh? You are raking in the…”
Desiree stomps over to Jamie in a hurry, covering his mouth before he has a chance to speak any further.
“Experience points! You sure are Tim…”
She grabs Jamie around the wrist and turns him toward her. She gives him a few gentle smacks as her form of a reality check.
“What the hell is your problem? The kid is only 13! Are you *BEEP*ing high? You smell like…”
BONG!!!Both stand at attention as they look over to the card table where a gong clock rests in the pot. Jamie chuckles, pointing from the camera to the table. His face turns sour as he realizes something.
“Dude, who the *BEEEEEEEP* stole Christian Underwood’s clock? You guys better not get me fired from another wrestling organization! Then I will lose the sweet hook up with that Oliver dude.”
“AH! Jamie has a hook up with a dude!”
“Okay, I’M trying to be serious. Me. Jamie Staggs is trying to be serious for two seconds, and you *BEEP*heads keep *BEEP*ing it up! I didn’t invite you over to my brother’s place, without his permission to throw a party at…”
Jamie raises his watch to near his face to check the time.
“10:30 at night on a school night so you inconsiderate pricks could, like… Wait, what was I saying? Anyway, I’m teaming up with that big dude, Rage. I look at the matches, and I gotta say. I won the lottery alright!”
“YOU ALREADY SAID THAT!”
Jamie looks back at the card table and he charges at it. He lunges forward, doing a somersault through the table, sending cards everywhere. The four men at the table move out of the way just in time. He collapses on top of one of the guys, and just sits there in the wreckage. Desiree covers her mouth as she stares on in complete shock. Timmy drops the game controller and walks off mumbling about his uncle as he heads up the steps.
“I guess I’m babysitting Eden then? Uncle Jamie is a retard. Love you though!”
Jamie looks over at the stairs for a brief second as the song switches over. He then returns his focus to the camera.
“So, I’m going to beat Maoi and Erik Black next Sunday. How do I know that?”
After taking the dive and holding his back in a bit of mild pain, Jamie sits there as he rests his hands behind his head and he takes a deep breath.
“Because I am relaxed. I am in top physical shape, on a strict diet of beer, nachos, and cheeseburgers. I *BEEP* around with these guys all the time, and… Can we do this later? I’m just in the mood to party right now before Spike gets…”
The cameraman looks over toward the television where an angry Spike Staggs stands by the stereo, turning it off. He glares at the camera, and then down to Jamie. He storms over in their direction, knocking into the cameraman on his way to Jamie.
“What the HELL is your problem? I come home from spending four days in jail, to find this shit? I’m gonna…”
The camera shuts off, causing static to overtake the screen for a brief moment before a blue screen takes its place. Jazzy muzak plays in the background as “Please Stand By” flashes across the screen in blue letters. A deep voice begins speaking.
”We apologize for the delay. Blame Spike Staggs for being an uptight, ‘concerned parent’. While you wait, please check out this sorta retarded, half-way serious promo, courtesy of Sin City Wrestling.”The scene fades in, black and white, showing off a single kickboxing bag illuminated in the middle of a large, empty warehouse. The contemplative thoughts of Jamie Staggs overtakes the otherwise general quietness of the scene.
“It has been years since I have stepped into a wrestling ring. Many years. Five, I think. At least, that is all I can count on one hand without complicating things too much.”
A second spotlight illuminates Jamie, who is standing just out of line from the first spotlight. “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor begins playing. Jamie slams his left thumb against his right palm, and the hard pounding sound is heard echoing through the building. He looks up, and the camera switches to a lower angle as he slams his index finger against his right palm, evoking another loud slamming sound. The camera switches from many different angles as he counts with his middle and ring finger, before getting a close up on his hand. In slow motion, his pinky finger slams against the palm of his hand, causing a large amount of dust to fly from the collision, and an explosive sound is heard. He goes to do another, but realizes he is out of fingers, and he sighs.
“Let’s just say five. Five loooong years! Wrestling is like a drug to me. Sorta like…” BONG!!!”Somebody should really get that clock back to Christian Underwood… But, unlike a drug, wrestling has never left my blood. I fiend for it like a crack baby fiends for sugar cubes. The rush is what I lived for. The roar of the fans, the cheering of the crowd, the exclamations of the audience… Wait, that’s all the same thing… I heart wrestling.
“Anyone who knows anything about my wrestling career should know that the man I am teaming with for this Lethal Lottery tournament was my opponent in the last match I ever wrestled in. Along with Nikki Silver, in the GXW World Championship match at Black Sabbath III. It was a tough match, like going through hell. And I don’t just say that because it was a Fire and Brimstone match, because it wasn’t. It was a Scarecrow Match. Hell if I know what that even is to this day, and I wrestled in it!
“I remember one thing that could have made a big impact in the ring. If Rage and I had worked as a team, one of us would have been the World Champion. What is better is that, this time? We will work together, and we will be the first SCW Tag Team Champions. That isn’t a threat, it’s a promise! I WILL walk into that ring. I WILL fight my worthy adversaries. I WILL give it my all. I WILL leave blood, sweat, and tears on that mat, of course it won’t be my own. I WILL hook the leg for the three count, and I WILL have my arm raised in victory. Rage is just lucky he drew my name, coz I totally kicked his ass before, and I would do it again if I had to.”
Jamie swings his arms back and forth as he hops from side to side. Once he feels limber enough, he begins taking jabs at the air in front of him. He ducks his head as he goes at it like a professional boxer more than a wrestler.
“This week is gonna be easy. I don’t know anything about Erik Black, but I know that I’ve seen him on his back more than anything. He’s got skill, but I been doing this for eight years easy. I am a third generation wrestler. My grandpa kicked ass in the 40’s, my dad and uncle tagged in the 70’s, and then me and my brothers have been kicking ass since the beginning of the second.millenium. I got this, son. Check yourself before you, in fact, wreck yourself.
“The Samoan Warrior… Maoi. What a good guy. He helped with the clean up in Japan most recently. It kinda makes it hard to punch a guy like that in the face… Kinda. I mean, I’m still gonna do it like fifty freakin’ times, but I’m gonna feel a little guilty. This guy is just an all-around good guy. He raised his family and supported them. He goes all over the country, even the world, to work for charity. But, I don’t feel bad. This business isn’t about guilt. It’s about putting the hurt on your opponent. It’s about the three G’s. GUTS, pursuit of GOLD, hence GLORY. I don’t care who you are, if you stand in my way. I’d punch Ghandi in the face if he stood between me and championship gold. That’s how a German-Irish boy rolls. One side is pure determination, stop at nothing, and the other is prideful, tough as hell, ballsy as shit, knuckles to your *BEEP*in’ face, and you will be on the ground taking a nap, kid! BAM!”
Jamie lunges forward with one final swing before he turns to face the camera. He flips the hood from his hoodie down, running his fingers through his medium length, soaked hair. His face is showing his true determination.
“Sin City Wrestling. You have been put on notice. I might be a joker. I might be half bake… retarded. I might be a lot of things, but one of those things IS championship material. I’m gonna do what my wife has yet to do, and that is, capture SCW gold. I’m gonna tag with that big pissed off ape, Rage, and I’m gonna show him how a REAL wrestler does things!”
Jamie quickly turns in the direction of the kickboxing bag, and he charges at it full force, going for a Spear, but instead of the bag moving, Jamie crumbles to the ground, burying his face in his arm, screaming in agony. The music abruptly stops, and Jamie’s buddies burst through a door, letting in a stream of light to show off the musty, dirty warehouse as Jamie kicks his legs around. They all laugh at him, circling him, and laying in playful kicks to him.
“You dumbass, Jamie! We filled that bag with bowling balls and barbed wire!”
Jamie screams incoherently at them as they point at him and laugh.The muzak starts playing again as the deep voiced man comes back on with a special message.
“This half of the show has been brought to you by the letter G.”
A big “G” appears on the screen, fading over to the Sin City Wrestling logo.
“And by Sin City Wrestling. Tune in to the second half next week, where we explore the letter B!”
*Children sing-song voice*
“B is for the b*tches, and the job they do for you! (BLOW!)
B is for beverage that makes them look better too! (BEER!)
B is for their bouncy, bouncy, bouncy balloons! (BOOBS!)
B is for …”*Long censored section as the song fades out*
The screen pauses on this picture.
“Tune in next week for the uncensored full version… Wait, we can’t? Awww *BEEP*. Tune in next week to watch these idiots bring themselves one step closer to early retirement!”
*BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*
.:{End Transmission}:.
