Nerves
Feeling nervous is a fact of life. It’s something that you are going to have to deal with no matter who you are or what you do. From a teenager starting their first job, not knowing what to do or where to go, to a CEO negotiating billion-dollar deals, and in the life of a professional wrestler, nerves tend to pop up more often than not. Every single time Alicia is getting ready to go out before a big match the nerves will bubble up. But that isn’t always a bad thing. Nerves let you know that you’re alive. Nerves let you know that what you’re about to do means something to you.
That your actions will have consequences, and what you want to do will be rewarding. Nerves keep us on our toes, stop us from being complacent, and push us towards our goals and what we want to do.
And for Alicia, she had a lot to be nervous about.
Over the last few months, she had believed that maybe her wrestling career needed to start winding down. That maybe it was time for her to start looking at retirement. To teach the next generation or to stay at home with her kids. Maybe to start planning on having another child with Austin. All these thoughts ran through her head, but at the same time there was a small problem. She still had the burning passion for professional wrestling. To be a professional wrestler. To turn up to work and do her best and try to become a champion. This is something that would never disappear, and because of that, she knew she wasn’t ready to hang it up.
Every match that she had, she was nervous. Every single time she stepped through that curtain and went out into an arena full of paying customers, the same thought was running through Alicia‘s head. Was she still good enough? Was she still at that point where people wanted to see her? Where people would pay to see her? Or was it going to be a situation where they would look at Alicia, see what she used to be, and become disappointed? That is what was running through her head. That is the kind of nerves and pressure that she was dealing with. And that was in her professional life.
But what about her personal life?
Well, that also had its moments. Especially today. Alicia took in a deep breath, holding it in her lungs for a moment as her hands sat flat against the bathroom counter in front of her. As she exhaled, she opened her eyes, staring into the mirror with a small shake in her breath. In the mirror she studied everything—her makeup, her hair, her jewelry, her dress. She swallowed hard and pushed off the bathroom counter. ”It’s ok. I can do this.” she muttered to herself under her breath. She looked over at the door, stepping forward, grabbing the handle, and pulling it open.
As she stepped into the next room, her sister Zoey stood with her arms folded, also wearing makeup with her hair done in a long flowing dress. ”You ready?…”
”Yeah…”
She wasn’t. Her mind started flashing back to when she married Michael. Hell, she thought it was going to be a fairytale and he was going to be perfect. She thought about how it ended, she thought about her previous relationships. All the men who had let her down in her life after she thought they were going to be perfect for her. Her heart started beating harder and harder in her chest as they moved from the small room out into the hallway. Zoey led Kallie and the other bridesmaids down the aisle in front of Alicia. They went down the aisle and in front of everyone. The familiar tones of Here Comes the Bride played.
Alicia took another deep breath, clutched her bouquet in her hands, and started to walk. Moving down the aisle she could feel everyone’s eyes on her. Her mother and all of her mother’s friends as well as everyone from Wolfslair. She moved down the aisle and felt herself starting to shake. But then her eyes found Austin.
His long hair that had grown back over the last few years was tied in a bun. His beard was trimmed but still long. He smiled when he saw her. His hands clasped together as he looked handsome in his perfectly tailored suit. His groomsmen and best man all matching with color and style as Alicia moved up to face him. Alicia‘s oldest son Ryan was in charge of handing his mother‘s hand to Austin, stepping in for Alicia‘s father, who of course had passed away.
Austin lifted Alicia’s veil and couldn’t hide his happiness. A smile stretched even wider across his face as they turned to the celebrant. Their wedding was not being held in a church, it was not being presided over by any form of religious affiliation. But it was a celebration of their love. A celebration of who they were as people. Austin slowly looked to the side before the celebrant said anything, gave a small nod, and whispered, ”You’re beautiful…”
She blushed and swallowed hard before turning away. The ceremony began. But the nerves were gone. The excitement was still there. The happiness was still there. But Austin had calmed her. Reminded her with one simple look and one simple phrase that she belonged here. And she had finally found her happiness.
Warm up
”Well, here we go. Stage one of my little plan has come to fruition. I told everyone that I was going to go after the championships that I hadn’t won. Rebuild everything from the ground up. And a few weeks ago I was able to accomplish the first part of that.”
Alicia pauses for a moment, a hand sliding into the front pocket of her tight black jeans. A black and red leather jacket sits over a cut-off band shirt by the deathcore band Lorna Shore.
”Winning a number one contenders fatal four-way. And I’m sure some of you are surprised that I even want to go after both of the championships that I haven’t won—the Internet and the Roulette championships. I have been very outspoken in the past about the Roulette and its rules. The fact that it is chaotic and you could find yourself in some kind of barbed wire cage of death match, or alternatively a line dance-off where you need to be the first person to put on a pair of cowboy boots. But the truth is that the chaos is what people find interesting about it. And because it’s something I’ve never done before, because it’s a mountain I’ve never climbed before, I want to do it.”
“But make no mistake, this doesn’t mean that I never want to hold the World Championship again. In fact, it’s the opposite. I of course want to be the SCW World Bombshells Champion again, but I need to take these other goals off first. I need to be able to earn my right to go after that championship again, and until I do, I’m going to be doing everything else I can to accomplish my goals.”
“I don’t care who I have to face. I don’t care who I have to beat. And I don’t care what levels of hell I have to go through if I’m going to earn the right to call myself a champion again.”
“This company has gone through many transitions, and I’ve gone through many transitions as a person. I’ve watched as my career has crumbled and fallen. I’ve watched as people have completely written me off as a threat despite the fact that I always put up a fight. The women in this company who have been able to beat me earned it. And it’s only been the best of the best that this company has to offer that have been able to say that they were better than me. Women like Amber Ryan, women like Roxi Johnson. Legends of this business who earned their place. They are the ones who have been able to beat me and leave me in the dust.”
Alicia chuckles to herself and paces back and forth a little.
”But getting to this point wasn’t easy. I had to beat three women to get this opportunity. Admittedly, Bea Barnhart and Seleana Zdunich aren’t exactly what I would consider to be challenges to me one on one, but in a triple threat match or fatal four-way anything can happen. But my opponent this week is someone who I beat in that four-way—Cassie Wolfe.”
She chuckles and stops pacing, staring directly ahead as she continues addressing her opponent.
”And of course there’s another connection here. I’m not blind as to why I’m facing you in a match, Cassie. Your relationship with Harper is definitely going to make it more interesting. But I have to ask you an honest question. How does it feel being used? How does it feel knowing that you are a tool? Because that’s what’s going on here. You are being used as a tool to elicit some more interest in the match that is not even going to have you in it. I’m going to be facing Harper Mason for the Roulette Championship and you probably won’t even be at Violent Conduct. And if you are, it will be in a throwaway match that no one cares about.”
“So right now, this is the most important you are going to be. You are a puzzle piece in a story that you are not the hero of. They are using you to give Harper a reason to dislike me even more than she already does. I’m coming for Harper‘s championship and she’s already going to want to keep it, but now she’s going to have a reason to want to hurt me. Because I’m going to hurt you. And I’m going to do it as a point of principle.”
“Not to be a bitch, but you deserve it.”
“You and women like you are a stain on wrestling. You see, professional wrestling is about evolving and getting better. It’s about making sure that you conquer as many mountains as you can. But you and Harper don’t evolve. You are mediocre. You stay in the same little bubble where everything is familiar and safe. You don’t go outside your comfort zone. So I’m going to do you a favour, Cassie. I’m going to drag you out of your comfort zone and I’m going to force you to evolve. Because either you are going to get better and you are going to beat me, or you are going to drown. And you’re going to realise that your ceiling in this company has been reached and you can’t break through it.”
