[Christian Underwood]

Please post all roleplays here! Have fun and good luck!

[Dreamkiller]

Chapter 64: Past Self

This was freedom.

The last few months had been strange. We had moved away from New York. Bought a house together in Colorado. A huge step for any couple. This was not out of necessity, but was also done because we wanted to take that step. The steps that were taken afterward were not something that I enjoyed. We had friends who moved out here. Kallie and Aiden followed us out here mainly because Kallie was a native. She loved Colorado and was just coming home.

There was always a fear in the back of my mind that I was being followed or watched. So whenever I went anywhere, shopping, or to the gym I would have someone there. One of my sisters, who routinely came to visit. Or. Kallie herself. But this was different. This morning, I woke up, and I didn’t want to go through all of that again. I didn’t want to send a message and wait for someone to be there. I wanted to live my life independently, you get back to being who I was. So I decided I was going to the gym by myself. Alone. I grabbed my bag, I left the house, and I walked two blocks to the little gym that I liked to do cardio in.

And here I was. Running on the treadmill after doing some light weights. Listening to music as I was monitoring my heart. Training in Colorado came with a lot of advantages. Being this high up in elevation guaranteed me having better cardio than anyone else that I was going to get in with. If I could run 4 miles up here while keeping my heart rate normal, I could run circles around anyone in the ring and be basically like a fucking superhero.

But something felt wrong. My entire time here while working out, I had felt like I was being watched. I tried to ignore it. I told myself time and time again that it was just in my head. A side-effect of not going out by myself for so long. Is that something any of you have ever felt? The feeling of eyes being on you and watching your every move? Because that’s what I was feeling right now. I turned, getting off the treadmill and grabbing my bottle of water, as I took a large drink, I felt Somebody burning a look into my back. I whipped around, staring down the hallway, but I saw nothing. My skin was crawling; the sweat that had been pooling down my back from my neck and forehead started to freeze.

I was warm, in the process of cooling down, inside a gym that had heaters on because of the cold air outside. Even as we started getting closer to summer, Colorado was naturally cold. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down, taking another sip of water, I put it into my gym bag and started moving towards the lockers. My towel over my shoulders as I was trying to get rid of that cooling down but sweaty sensation.

There was no one else there; it was early morning, and most wouldn’t start coming in until around 9 am. I like to get my workout in before everyone else. To be leaving as the gym regular started turning up. I moved toward my locker, opening it up and taking out my spare clothes, putting them down on the bench. I heard something from around the corner, turning to see there was nothing and nobody there, but I could feel it. I could feel their eyes on me.

Walking down the hallway, I took a deep breath and turned to the corner, expecting to see someone. But there was nothing there. Was I going insane? Was I paranoid? I rolled my eyes and pushed out a deep breath, turning around. I walked right into someone. My eyes were focusing, I thought I was seeing things. That was until I heard his deep booming voice with his Romani accent ”Aye Princess…”

My blood froze. It was Jace. His long hair was tied back in a bun, he was wearing a tight-fitting black shirt that was tucked into a black leather stud belt that was wrapped around a pair of tight jeans. A pair of black boots on his feet as he slid his hands into his pockets. He smiled, trying to act charming. All this did was turn my cold blood that was ice in my veins from fear into a boiling mess of anger. ”What the fuck are you doing here?” he towered over me, stepping forward and putting his hand on one of the lockers above my head, backing me into the cold steel behind.

He leans down, taking a deep breath. Taking in my scent like a predatory animal with its prey. ”Why wouldn’t I be? I’ve been waiting to get your loan so we could have a conversation. But for the last few months, you’ve always had someone around you. And I let you believe that we had stopped looking.” Jace leans in closer with a small Smile.

”So? You’ve been stalking me this entire time? We’ve left New York. You won. Finn wanted me to get out of harm's way, and we just want to live our lives. Go take New York go after Dickie and his crew. I’m not a part of this anymore.

Jace couldn’t help but laugh, getting closer to me, so close that I could feel his breath on my cheek and my neck. ”Look at you. Playing Little Miss housewife. Is that really what you want? To be the good little woman for a weak man like Finn? That isn’t you, Kayla. That’s not the woman that you are. You seem to forget, I know who you are. I know exactly what you are capable of, and I just have to ask the question. Does Finn? Remember, you were one of us.”

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. His words echoed in my head. He was right. Once upon a time, I was one of them. I remembered what it was like. We were a family, a fucked up family. I remembered walking into a local bar. The place that was under the protection of the Ramani. But protection isn’t what you believe it to be. Protection, paying for protection from a group like that, is all about paying them not to wreck your establishment. ”What do you need me to do?”

I remember the words spilling out of my mouth. Standing at the front of the bar. Jase, a much younger version than we see today, stood with his arms pulled over his chest. Wearing a leather biker jacket and camouflage pants, he gave me a small hat on the back before reaching forward and stroking my cheek with his thumb. ”You know our rules when it comes to collecting money. It’s his wife in there. She’s not part of us. She is not someone who will be punished by a male. So I need you to do it. I need you to be the point on this. We’ll be behind you.”

I smiled, I was proud. As stupid as it sounds, I was happy at that moment. I was being trusted. Trusted to take care of business. We walked into the bar. The woman behind was in her mid-40s, with wire-framed glasses on her face. She stepped back, instantly recognising Jason and the others. She started getting upset right away. ”Hey..shhh calm down. You give us what your husband agreed, and there’s not going to be any trouble.”

”No..please. We have tried, but we just don’t have it. We will have it in a week.”

I took a deep breath and shook my head. It was exactly what I didn’t want to hear. It would’ve been so much easier if she had just given us the money. ”See, that’s a problem. You need to give us the money. Now.” I reached around the bar, grabbing hold of her wrist and sliding her forward before grabbing her glasses, ripping them from her face. I slammed them down onto the bar before grabbing her hand and slamming them into the glasses, causing them to break and cut her hand. She screamed. The rest was a blur, but she found the money, handing it to Jase.

We walked out, and Jace was smiling. The others were proud. And I felt like I had accomplished something. But that isn’t me. That isn’t me now, and that wasn’t me then. My eyes spring open, I look over at Jace and shoved him back before shaking my head in anger and frustration. ”Enough. You don’t know me. As much as you believe you do, you just don’t. The Kayla you knew back then was a complete fabrication. I’m happy. I’m happy and you can’t stand it. Stay away from us. Stay away from me.”

Jase just smiled at me. I grabbed my clothes and walked off into the shower. I knew he wouldn’t follow. The doors had opened more people were flooding in. I stood under the hot water. Trying to calm myself down. But I was angry, frustrated, and for the first time in a long time, I was afraid.

True Rivalry

The Angelina Cafe in Paris is beautiful. A wonderful place with some of the best coffee and cakes that anyone could ever want, as well as having some amazing lunch options. In the crowd of native Parisians and obnoxious tourists is a woman sitting alone. Her long black hair flows down as she wears a red and black dress, showing off her figure but also her tattoos. This is, of course, the current SCW world bombshell champion, Kayla Richards.

”The Viking tour ends in Paris. I couldn’t care less about the whole Viking thing. I mean, I come from England, I was born in East Anglia. My family had lived in and around that area for hundreds upon hundreds of years and different generations. Chances are there is some Viking DNA in my ancestry. But I couldn’t care less. Even if I tried. I have been able to come to Paris and what should have been a grand moment where I can walk through that curtain at into the void and defend my championship with my man by my side after having a wonderful week or two in Paris. The romance that could’ve happened.”

“But, because of Alex Jones and that bitch Aaron Asphyxia I don’t get to have that moment. I don’t get to spend two weeks in Paris with the man I love, celebrating being champions, going toward into the void. Do you have any idea how pissed off that has made me? Do you have any idea how angry that has made me?”

“Completely furious.”

“And I took some of that anger out on Harper Mason. Because I could. I got put in the ring with her, and I warned her what was going to happen. Same situation as walking into the elimination chamber, where I warned everyone there what was going to happen. Harper didn’t listen. So I beat the hell out of her and walked out with my hand held high as the winner. Because that’s what I do. Against all of these women who are beneath me, I don’t show them the proper respect, and I do everything I can to destroy them, and Harper is definitely is not on my level.”

“I’m sure that some of you view me as a bully. A monster.”

“The truth is that I can see where that misconception comes from. But I’m a realist. And what is more disrespectful? Going out there and doing everything I can to beat someone and not holding back or patting them on the head and giving them a participation trophy and only going at half speed?? Is that what I should do? Should I go out there against women like Harper Mason and validate their existence by acting like they are on a level that is anywhere near me? That’s not how I work. That’s not how anyone should work. That isn’t how you get better, that isn’t how you become a real champion. That is how you become weak.”

Kayla chuckles and takes a sip of her latte before putting it down and leaning back against the beautifully designed chair that she is sitting on. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before looking around the streets of Paris.

”Weakness is a disease. Losing is not. Letting that loss get inside you and make you doubt yourself is a weakness. The difference between myself and every single other woman on this roster is that when they lose, they decide to completely ignore it, and it festers and eats away at who they are. They don’t acknowledge the loss, and they don’t acknowledge that they need to get better. I do. I already went over it before I faced Harper, but I told everyone that I was coming for heads. I told everyone that I was coming for that championship, but not one of them was going to be able to step in front of me and stop me.”

“Losses make me stronger. Because when I lose, I come back better. It has happened every single time I have suffered a loss. I come back, I do everything I can to be better, and I end up overcoming those obstacles. I end up avenging those losses. And the first thing you need to do when you lose is acknowledge it. Women like Harper, women like Mercedes Vargas, women like Samantha Marlowe and.Mikah and Jessie Salco, they don’t acknowledge their losses, instead they bury them down deep and they try and move on and ignore them and all that does is belittle themselves and belittle this company and this business.”

“When you get beaten, and you get shoved down, you stand up, you dust yourself off, and you punch that person right in the face.”

Kayla’s expression changes. Her nostrils flare as her eyes burn. There is a certain amount of anger and frustration behind those eyes, mixed with determination as well as a healthy amount of chaos. She takes a deep breath and sits back, returning to her calmer demeanour.

”Now, that brings me to Andrea Hernandez. What is there at this point? It’s funny because I heard what Andrea had to say about her match against Crystal. Some people referred to Andrea and Crystal as a rivalry, and Andrea’s answer was to point out how one-sided it was, and it was never rivalry. And she has a point. Andrea and Crystal don’t have a rivalry because Andrea has done nothing but beat Crystal down and showed that she is a superior professional wrestler. No one can take that away from her. Andrea Hernandez is one of the best women in this company. I’m not going to take that away from her. I’m not going to disagree with that, and I’m not going to sit here and tell you all that I am on another level than Andrea.”

“Truth is, while I never really believe anyone is on my level. Andrea is probably the closest. Andrew is the kind of woman who is always striving to be the best. I respect that. And trust me on this, Andrea, I do respect you. No matter what I say or how you perceive my actions, I do respect you as a professional wrestler. Because you are one of the few people on this planet who can push me. You can consistently push me, and you force me to be a better version of myself. So, no, Crystal is not your rival. But I am.”

“You and I do have a rivalry. But all of your talk in the past about how you don’t agree with how I carry myself and how I conduct myself. That is something I can’t abide when you pull some of the shady shit I’ve ever seen. But unlike me or I will freely admit what I’m about to do, you try and hide it behind a mask of change. You try to tell people that you’ve changed. But you haven’t. Right after I won the elimination chamber, you went out on SCW television and you said that you were sure I would always accept a rematch with you. That I wouldn’t run away.”

“Obviously, you were right, but it was also a sneaky little trick on your part. See if I had had other plans if I wanted to just destroy Aaron asphyxia, you made it impossible for that to happen. Because if I didn’t accept a rematch with you and take that rematch, then you’d be able to go out on television and spew some kind of bullshit that I was afraid of you. So you locked me into having to defend the championship against you.”

“Clever.. underhanded but clever”

Kayla chuckles to herself and finishes her coffee before standing up. She walks out of the cafe, looking back at all the people sitting there who are staring at her, some admiring her tattoos, others turning their noses up.

”But hey, you can be as judgmental as you want about my attitude, but I’m sure you’ll have some kind of witty retort for this talking about how you’ve changed and going through your thought processes. But the other part of it that really annoys me is your complete disregard for the ending of that elimination chamber. You and I in singles matches are one and one. This will be the third singles match that we’re facing each other in, but you have just completely ignored the fact that it came down to you and me at the end of that chamber.”

“I have two wins over you in high-stakes matches, and you have one over me. That is one more than a lot of other people have, and I have given you the respect for that, but don’t think for one second that I’m going to sit here and let you be little what I accomplished at blaze of glory. I got into that ring, and I was the last woman standing in. I became the champion for a second time. I had an amazing championship run, and you ended up failing. I want you to think about that. For all of your talk about being an amazing professional wrestler, you still failed to do it when it counted.”

“I lost to you one-on-one. You became the champion. And instead of waiting for you to come out of that chamber with the title or to lose that title against someone else, I decided I wanted to enter that cage. Instead of waiting for a one-on-one rematch, which I was owed, I put it all on the line in a match that I had no guarantees of winning. So tell me, Andrea, which one of us is the real champion? Which one of us is the better champion?”

“As much as I respect you for what you’ve been able to accomplish in the ring and as much as I know that you and I are great rivals and when all is set and done you will be looked at as one of the only ones who could hold a candle to Me your attitude and your self-righteous nature and the fact you’re a hypocrite annoys the shit out of me. So I’m gonna do everything I can to walk out of our match as the champion. I’m going to prove to everyone that I am the better woman. You can come at me with anything that you want, you can complain about me behind-the-scenes, and you can criticise me in public, but at the end of the day, I have proved myself to be a better champion than you. And it’s on you to prove me wrong now.”

[Andrea Hernandez]

Last Monday…

“I was annoyed that I even had to wrestle her at all…”

I sighed as I was back in the hotel room in Amsterdam talking to my brother Eddie and her two daughters, Isabella and Arianna, ages 12 and 9 respectively. Crystal Hilton was definitely a bad taste from my prior SCW run that I had been wanting to get out of my mouth for a long time, but it seems as though that woman seems to always cross my path.

“I’m trying to just break away from that first run and trying to change things from then and then I get thrown into a match with her. Again. I’ve beaten her 8 times out of 11 that I’ve faced her. This is beyond ridiculous now. Remember how this whole thing started, Eddie? With her fangirling over me like an obsessed stalker, walking up to me unsolicited with a picture of our fathers and saying ‘look, they knew each other?’

“That was cringe and our father didn’t even like the guy.”

“That tracks…” I said with a scoff. “I’m just sick and tired of her period for all the intrusions that she has made. When I was down and out of it 5 years ago, she snuck in again. There were even a couple of other promotions where we crossed paths and she wouldn’t leave me alone. I swear, every time I even have to THINK about the woman, it just irks the shit out of me, Eddie. When I said what I said about her CTE kicking in and her pulling a gun on me because I wouldn’t be her friend, I wasn’t joking….”

My nieces’ eyes widened when I said that and Eddie caught on.

“Not in front of the girls, Andrea. Yeah, I understand that you weren’t joking. That woman needs serious psychological help. But don’t worry to much about her. It’s over. You beat her yet again. You won’t have to even think about her until the next time SCW decides to book her against you. I’ll be honest, it probably won’t stop until you reach double digit wins against her…”

“Oy vey…” i said with a sigh and and eye roll.

“It’s okay, aunt Andrea. You’ve got a world title to win back” Isabella remarked. For once, I can at least have a lighter mood. “...wait, who are you talking about just now?”

“Crystal Hilton”

“Who?” Arianna asks.

“See? My daughters don’t even know who that is. Shouldn’t that tell you something about what I just said?”

“Daddy, who are you guys talking about?” Arianna asks again.

“The girl in SCW that changes her name all the time, sweetheart.”

“OOOOOOOOH….” both of my nieces say.

“That crazy one…” Isabella says with a sigh of her own. “Your stalker…”

“Yeah, that’s basically it. Look, I know you two want to be wrestlers when you get older and I am touched that you’re both inspired by me don’t get me wrong. You’re obviously way too young to start any sort of wrestling training, but that doesn’t mean I can’t teach you two something now. I mean… if it’s okay with your dad?”

“That depends, what are you trying to teach them?”

“What NOT to do in professional wrestling, clearly. I mean, if I’m going to make something good happen out of dealing with that woman, I might as well pass on some type of knowledge to them. It’ll at least make them know more about the business than others when they actually start doing this.”

Eddie had to think about it, but he seemed receptive to the idea.

“Fine…” he said as he shrugged and I reached into my purse to pull out my phone.

“I want to support both of you in your dreams no matter what and I think what I’m about to show you will help…” I paused as my nieces gathered around. I accessed Twitter and bore the brunt of the cringe of even finding Crystal Hilton’s Twitter which I had blocked from my own. “...if and when you girls end up breaking into the business in your own right… like… 10 years from now or so I think. We’ll see. The first thing that you absolutely cannot and will not do is be… THIS nutcase of a person…”

Their eyes widened for a bit before I revealed to them the tweet where she had the nerve to call herself “the best Latina in wrestling”. Eddie even snuck in to look at it.

“My god…” he said as he shook his head. “...what in the name in all that his holy is she thinking?”

“That’s so embarrassing…” Isabella says. “...now I get why you never wanted anything to do with her and why you were so mad lately.”

“This is also why, when I returned to SCW, I wanted everything to be different. I wanted to throw away the past and especially the worst parts of it and there’s no hiding the fact that she was one of them. I wish all the weird coincidences and how things are playing out the same in a lot of chapters would go away and all of that, but it’s no surprise that my second run is way more relaxing and stress-free than my first run when I actually have the damn spine to tell her to get the hell out of my life.”

“We’ll never be like her, Andrea…” Isabella promised me.

“I hate her, aunt Andrea…” Arianna added. “She’s my least favorite wrestler.”

“I won’t let either of you come close, I promise that. You know I will always be there for my own family…”

With that, I got a reminder of my previous conversation with Roddy and how horribly I treated him. With all the discussion about coincidences, parallels and things that have been playing out the same, he clearly saw the worst of me at the worst time and I definitely know in my heart that I wasn’t there with him or for him when he was trying to help me.

“...which reminds me, I feel awful about how I treated your uncle…”

“Roddy’s not mad at you, Andrea…” Eddie said to me. “...he was frustrated that you were being stubborn and that you were focusing too much on how things were supposedly playing out the same.”\

“It wasn’t my finest moment because I was stuck on something so stupid. I became far too obsessed with the same patterns playing out and how supposedly it made me destined to lose to Kayla again just like I did when I had my rematch with Evie all those years ago to even try to listen to him and to treat him like that and to kick him out of my house when he was just trying to help me and after everything he’d done for me, it was stupid of me.”

My guilt was creeping in as Eddie put an arm around me.

“Hey, it’s alright. You’ll have to make it up to him and mend that fence but the fact that you rejected Crystal so openly since you went back is way more than enough to change the story the second time around and you’re going to do that AGAIN when you beat your ACTUAL rival in Sin City Wrestling and THEN go on to have that fulfilling world title reign you’ve always wanted.”

I could only help but smile for a bit and feel amazingly hopeful about what was to come after hearing that and coming to the realization that I had already ‘changed the story’ as he put it and was stressing for nothing.

“Thank you for bringing that to light. Roddy was right. I need to start to really embrace who I am and my best qualities and to be the best example to our family that I can be…”

I looked off into the distance to see my nieces who were now preoccupied with a game they were playing on my brother’s phone and just knowing that I had someone to be a role model for was enough to keep myself grounded.

“...especially them, considering they want to follow in my footsteps.”

Eddie assured me that I’d be more than okay before our conversation shifted to other matters as I knew it was time for me to take Roddy’s advice and embrace that ‘special person’ he says I have all the potential in the world to become.

The next day…

Myra Rivers and I had to get back to Canada by Thursday for another wrestling engagement we’re both part of, but for now, she and I were in the middle of a conversation about our families and how things were going before the air got a little heavier with Myra bringing up the next subject…

“How did your family take the GCW Hall of Fame induction, Andrea?”

That induction was still fresh in my mind and while I was reluctant about it at first, I had come around on it and felt like I had gone through some form of therapy to move past the harsh beginnings of my career.

“They were proud of me although they did note that there was at least one more on the way at some point, namely SCW. Understandably, they didn’t want to be at the GCW one largely because it was a faction and not me, you know?”

“I completely understand and I’m so proud of you for being able to face a horrible beginning to your mainstream career that I am very much responsible for and subsequently overcome all of that to become the wrestler that you are today.”

“Thank you…”

“I do need you to get something through your head though and I know this is out of the norm for you but if you really want a different ending for yourself in SCW and for things to go much different than the first time around, because I know that’s been a big deal for you lately, it all starts with your attitude. The fact is, Andrea, I know you don’t want to admit it to yourself, but you’re one of the best wrestlers in the world know and you need to start believing that…”

I sighed at this knowing the dangers of such an action.

“Did you NOT see the…”

“This isn’t about her, this is about you. You’re the wrestler that is basically my lasting legacy in this business, you know that right?”

“Well… Chelsea too but…”

“Chelsea has had a phenomenal career in her own right, but I see me a lot more in you. My fiance asked me if there was one person that I would unequivocally pass the torch to and basically say that they’re my ‘successor’ of sorts, and I said you without hesitation at all. I’m not telling you to be EXACTLY like me but I see so much of my own best qualities in you and I think what really holds you back in SCW sometimes is that you don’t see your own strength.”

“Look Myra, I’m flattered okay…” I began while I was still feeling a little bit confused. “...but how do you know that it’s me? How do you know it’s not Chelsea or someone else that you’ve mentored in the past?”

“You went through a rough upbringing like I did. You had someone abusive in your family like I did tell you that you wouldn’t amount to anything and you proved him wrong, you’ve proven many people wrong over the years including me and even through the darkest times you’ve ever had in your career, you still came out of it a stronger, better person. The darkness you went through during your first SCW run is no different then the one I went through in GCW when I was torturing and abusing the hell out of you on a psychological level. Like me, you have learned how to prevent the adversity you face from defining who you are in a negative fashion. Most importantly, you have a true love for this business and this insane ability to want to do proud by the people you care about. Every single quality I just mentioned, you are top of the line for that!”

I was still floored with some shock, though I didn’t know whether the bigger shock was the compliments I was receiving or the fact that they were coming from Myra. Either way, she wasn’t done yet.

“You really are a once in a generation wrestler…” Myra admitted to my further shock. “Of all the people I’ve ever wrestled with, you’ve got the biggest heart I’ve seen in all my years. You almost have to have that to overcome all the shit you had to deal with from five years ago and through most of your first run in SCW. You’re everything your father could’ve ever wanted as a daughter.

“Okay okay, I don’t need to start crying over here…” I said as I held back the happy tears that were forming in my eyes. “You don’t really mean that to the extent that you’re putting it, surely.”

“Come off it, Andrea. You need to take the last steps you need to realize it, believe in it, and be the best version of yourself and see that it’s all true and that you’re worthy of all of that praise. If anything, you’re one of the few bright spots in that locker room, if you know what I mean.”

“Trust me, I know. I was never going to return to SCW unless I learned how to filter out the toxicity I dealt with before. The attitudes of many in the Bombshells division could really weigh down even the most bright eyed, bubbly positive person on the planet.”

“I’m glad you did, Andrea and you have a hell of a story to tell to some young wrestlers looking to catch their break. In fact, why don’t you swing by my school in Miami for a day and meet some of the students I’m working with? I’m sure they’d be thrilled to meet you and I feel like you can be one of the best examples for those impressionable kids. You have so much knowledge to give…”

I was very much touched in the heart by Myra offering me this unforeseen opportunity. Deep down, I doubted it initially, but when I thought about it, I knew she was right. I felt like I had enough stories growing up in the business and eventually becoming part of it myself that I could fill a book.

“I’ll take you up on that, Myra…” I said, overcoming my initial doubts and surprised feelings. “...you’re right. I have so much more to give to this business, especially since my nieces want to be wrestlers and I can agree that I’m a bright spot even being surrounded by things that aren’t so bright and positive at times.”

“Great! Keep up that attitude and I’ll see you there, alright?”

“Alright and thank you for your kind words.”

Myra and I embraced each other before she left me alone and suddenly, I was beginning to feel like I was growing a new purpose with my career…

May 17

When the camera came on me, I wasn’t exactly sure how I was going to approach things. All I knew is that I was still stinging a bit from the chamber and I was still carrying some anger in me. But, the recent conversations I’ve had over the last week and with Roddy trying to tell me to start buying into myself better surely had me thinking. I knew that with this match coming up at Into the Void that my back was against the wall and that this was potentially my last crack at the world title. However, I wasn’t feeling the pressure at all. Even with all the Blaze of Glory anger, I was still feeling great. Maybe it’s that ‘growing new purpose’ I haven’t figured out yet.

“I’ve had my share of possible rivalries since I started here many years ago. I’ve had familiar opponents that fans may consider rivals of mine: names like Seleana, Jessie, Mercedes and unfortunately that woman I just beat last Sunday even though that story between us is now over. But Kayla Richards has to be up there now, maybe even the biggest one. I picked the worst possible time to beat her when I did so before a scheduled elimination chamber match and yes, I was frustrated, and yes, I felt like I wanted to just hide in a corner somewhere immediately after the fact. This whole thing with Kayla has been a roller coaster. Hell, this whole thing ever since I came back to this company has been that and yet, through it all, I have truly learned about who the hell I am a lot more than I ever could’ve during my first run here. Yes, just like I was at Inception, I have my back against the wall. Yes, a loss would mean that this would be my last shot just like Inception would’ve been had I lost then. But you don’t see me cracking. You don’t see me wanting to give up. You don’t see me on the edge like I used to be god knows how many times all those years ago. The last time that I was in this situation, I WON! I KNOW I can beat you Kayla considering that I’ve done it before. I hate that the last supercard even HAD to have other people involved considering that you and I both knew that it was going to come down to the two of us the entire time and even I, the more humble of the both of us… relatively speaking considering we’re both prideful bitches… would say that it was a damn waste of time for both of us to even have to DEAL with four other women…

But that was the hand that was dealt… and the cards didn’t go my way on that one.

And I know going in, that the outcome could turn out the same, but you’re not going to find me thinking about that too much. You see, as my father would always tell me, in this business, you can choose to be a victim or you can choose to be a champion and five years ago, after I lost the world title the first time, I chose the former and the rest is history. It didn’t turn out so well for me because I let the poison and the toxic bullshit get to me the rest of my time there. I have stood up to you and I have challenged you and I have pushed you harder than anyone you have ever faced in this company. I know you’ve had your battles with the likes of Julianna, Melissa, Calaway in the mixed tag more than anyone, and so on, but NOBODY has pushed you to the brink more than I have. I am probably the ONLY one that knows what it takes to push you to that desperate point because that’s exactly the point you were in come the Chamber a couple of months back. I know what makes you tick more than anyone else and I know that should I beat you again and claim that championship from you, you’re going to be questioning things a LOT. You’re not going to question yourself, but you’re going to be questioning what’s next. But if you think I am going to come in desperate, no. That’s not going to happen. I’ve learned for a long time now. In the past, I used to talk about how certain people treated me the way they did or how certain people wouldn’t leave me alone or how certain people would lie about me thinking I wasn’t going to hear what they had to say.

But the truth is, I’ve been my own worst enemy here more than anyone else and I own that shit. I’m not PROUD of it. But I want you to know that despite the rivalry that we’ve had, I’ve never had any animosity or bitterness toward you at all. You’ve never wronged me. You’ve never put me down. You’ve even surprised me in some ways because you’ve treated me better than I think you might. When this thing first started at High Stakes, I went into it thinking that I was in for a tearing down that I had become familiar with during my first run here and yet, that didn’t happen. Maybe that’s what cost me then. I know part of it was being too tied up in the past. I know for a fact that what cost me at Blaze of Glory was being too caught up trying to change the narrative and the story about me that I already changed. I was so frantic at High Stakes, I was so anxious at Blaze of Glory, but Inception? When I knew I had nothing to lose and when I knew what I had to do to win, I executed it and I pulled through. This time around, being in that same situation? I know that all I have to do is buy ino to the wrestler that I know I am and that I am destined to be. I have to go in there and buy into the fact that I have grown into one of the best wrestlers in the world. I don’t say that to be cocky, though I understand why people might see it as such. But when you have the overall record that I do in this company and when you’ve done what I have, then yeah, I believe that I have every right to feel like I’m one of the best.

I don’t need anyone else to believe it but me, Kayla. You factor into it as a rival and probably the biggest obstacle that I’ve ever faced in my career, but a wrestler doesn’t beat someone like you if they aren’t among the best at what they do and I know in my heart, that’s exactly what I am. I am seeing it. I am believing it. I am buying into the fact that because of everything I have ever had to overcome just to get to where I am, I AM that bitch! I AM that wrestler! I AM someone that has worked her fucking wayt ot the top and is going to STAY at the top as long as she likes and I know for a fucking fact that I can break into that Hall of Fame, attain another few world championships and when it’s all said and done, I know my name is going to be there amongst the greatest that have ever been in this company as will yours one day and hell, we’re probably going to end up in the same Hall of Fame class. I am that girl that started straight from the bottom, abused and bullied by her own brother who at that time didn’t even want me to exist, only given the chance to be a wrestler because I was the only one that could keep my family’s tradition alive for a fifth generation, got abused FURTHER when she finally broke in by her own mentor just because she was insecure with herself and saw a piece of herself that she didn’t like about herself at the time, then cut her teeth in other companies before she came here…

I’m not saying it makes me any different or any more special than anyone else… but the roads I’ve traveled, the RACISM that I’ve dealt with even when I first started from people that have long ceased to exist in this business, the SEXISM I put up with in the company that I was in before I ever came here… it’s so much for ANYONE to handle and MOST wrestlers would’ve cracked and quit but I didn’t and I came here and the rest? Well that’s history. I rose up to the top of this company in 8 months when I got here and I crumbled and collapsed because I didn’t buy into what I was capable of as a wrestler at that time. Id idn’t embrace that because I allowed other bitches to dictate my destiny and I have reached that point where I’m DONE with that Kayla. You’re not out to dictate my destiny, I recognize that. But I’m going to make you fight like hell. You’ll have to dig into a primal part of your soul to put me away To retain that championship that you took from me at Blaze of Glory in that Chamber, you’re going to have to beat one of the very best that this division has ever had and fuck it, I’ll toot my own horn here because if I am going to buy in, I might as well go all in, you’re going to have to beat arguably the best Bombshell in Sin City Wrestling history that hasn’t been inducted into the Hall of Fame yet! Debate that, fight that, I don’t care. I’m finally going to buy in because I know what I am meant to be int his business now. I am done being that meek and timid little girl that felt like she doesn’t deserve what she’s gotten in her life and career just because people told her while growing up that she didn’t deserve anything!

I am done being the pushover I used to be all those years ago that allowed shallow bitches to dictate what her fate was going to be in this company. I’m done listening to other people. I focused a little too much on the empty words of someone like Mercedes going into the chamber match and that arguably didn’t help me either. To retain that championship, you’re going to have to beat the wrestler that didn’t fully buy into what she’s capable of until she crossed paths with you and that would be fucking ironic, would it not? I would’ve never come forward and discovered what I am truly capable of in this business if we never crossed paths whatsoever. If anything, that’s my big takeaway from all of this, Kayla. I know that regardless of what happens, we’re going to clash again in the future world title or not, but for the time being, knowing that my back’s against the wall and that this might be my last chance, I will be going in buying into what I truly am int his business., I’ll be going all out to get that title back and to have that reign that I’ve always wanted in my career KNOWING that there is going to be a point where you’re going to come back for that championship and I’ll be waiting for that if and when I have that reign that I am starving for at this point. Of all the wrestlers you’ve ever met here Kayla, you’ve never met anyone hungrier than me.

Notice though, that I haven’t said a bad word about you. Notice that I haven’t said a word about your attitude, or about how you conduct yourself, or anything like that. Notice that I’m not trying to tear you down or criticize you. What good will that do me, for one? And honestly, in this weird sort of way over the last few months, even though I may not FULLY agree with your method to madness, I’ve come to respect and even slightly admire it. I’ve grown to respect you far too much to want to do that to you. I may have said some harsh words in the past and I will own that with you, but I’ve never been stupid enough to just dismiss you and throw you away and then act as if you don’t matter or act as if you don’t deserve anything the way others have. I’ve never rooted for your failure the way others have and that’s what makes me different from your other opponents. That’s why I’ve been successful once before where many others have failed and that’s why at Into the Void, I will be successful yet again. I know what I am capable of and I know how strong and how successful I can be now more than any other time in my career and win or lose, I am not going to change that conviction. As I’ve said before, you can beat me, but you’re not going to kill me and you’re not going to get rid of me. I’ve become much stronger than ever. Wrestling against you has ultimately brought out probably the best in me as a wrestler up to this point even levels beyond what I knew I was even capable of. But ultimately? I’m coming out of this with my third world championship in this company not only because I’ve proven that I’m capable of it before, not only because I can, but because as I showed at Inception, I WILL. I’ll be embracing my full potential and my entire destiny at last by the time we clash once more and I will push forward one way or another but THE way I plan to push forward is by breaking the tie as that three time SCW Bombshells World Champion so few have had the privilege to attain.”

With that being said, I didn’t hesitate one bit before I went and shut the camera off. I sat by for a bit knowing that I had so much passion and fire in me and that I obviously had one more passionate promo in me before I carried on working to continue to embrace the wrestler and the woman I’ve always been destined to be.

[Dreamkiller]

Chapter 65: Lie of Omission

I rushed home after the confrontation at the gym. I didn’t let Jason know that it rattled me. But in hindsight, it would be hard for anyone to believe that it didn’t. I held my gym bag as I stepped inside my home. My sanctuary. A place that I felt safe not only because it was my home but also because Finn was there. I felt protected when I was around him. It was something that I’ve never felt before. I never needed to feel before.

For years, I had been so independent in everything. No matter who I was in a relationship with, my own protection was on me. In this business, you will always have people coming for you. But not even the ones that you are facing in the ring. Sometimes people come for you, and they are simply fans. But it’s always been on me. Always been my responsibility to protect myself and those around me. I’ve never had to rely on anyone else. And because of that, I’ve always felt like I had everything in control.

But this entire thing, when it came to the Romani, everything from my past that had become such a burden weighing down on my shoulders, I was not in control. I didn’t know where they were or when they were watching me. The only time I knew that they were there was because they wanted me to know. They wanted me to see them. They wanted me to be scared.

So I needed Finn. I needed his reassuring words, I needed to know he was going to protect me. To love me. That’s something that not many people see in our relationship because we aren’t so public about it. Other couples in this business like people to know that they are together, but they are loving, that they are Affectionate. That isn’t something that Finn and I have ever subscribed to. We aren’t like Carter and Miles, we aren’t like Kris Ryan’s and Mikah.

At least, not in public.

But in private, that is a completely different matter. I stood in My Home, staring across the living room at him. He was sitting on the couch, flicking through a paper with a coffee in front of him. And instantly, I felt protected. Not that he was going to get up and run across the room and fight off hundreds of people who were trying to get to me. But he was there. Ever present. Everyone else that I had ever been with was a question mark when it came to whether they were going to protect me or feel the need to. Finn knew he didn’t need to, but was always ready to.

I felt loved.

I felt cared for.

It was a feeling that I’d never known that I needed. And truth be told, I never had before. But with him it was different. With him, I wanted to know that he was going to protect me. But it was an unspoken bond. I loved him. Unconditionally. It didn’t matter what Finn did or what he said. I loved him with all my heart. And a slow smile came across my face as I looked at him. I couldn’t help myself. Other relationships that I had been in had never been like this. But with him it was different. Whenever he touched me, whenever his hand moved across my wrist or his fingertips danced along my back, I felt complete.

As sappy as this sounds, I never knew what true love was until I met Finn Whelan.

And that’s what was making this so hard. As I stared at him, as he looked up from his paper and tilted his head, knowing that there was something wrong, I couldn’t bring myself to tell him what had happened. Not because I was scared of the repercussions, not because I was scared that he couldn’t handle it. But he had been through so much. He lost his championship to a man whom he had always despised yet somehow grown to trust. He lost it because of a woman who had ripped his heart from his chest and made him look like a fool.

Neil, I was about to tell him that a problem we had run from had caught up to us. That my ex-boyfriend, who was leading a crew of men who were trying to destroy everything that Finn and his brother stood for, had found us and had always known where we were. The pile of bullshit that Finn had in front of him was about to multiply exponentially. And it was going to be because of me. So you can imagine my trepidation in telling him. It wasn’t me being dishonest. I wanted to protect him.

I wanted to protect Finn just like he had protected me.

Not that my protection had ever done much. His arm was still in a shoulder brace, he was still without a world championship, and he still had to watch as his ex-wife walked away having one up on him with Alex. But I could still tell that he knew something was up. As much as I tried to hide it, he knew me so well that a simple glance could tell him more than my words ever could. He put the paper down, pushing up off the couch and stepping toward me with his arm hugged against his stomach. His shoulder is still in the brace.

I tried to hide all the fear that was starting to well up inside me and simply tilted my head and smiled. I stepped toward him and reached out my fingertips, touching his face as I kissed him. Trying to distract him from what he thought he saw. If there was one thing I knew how to do, it was to use my sexuality to distract someone. And as much as I knew Finn wanted me, as much as I knew he found me attractive, he isn’t an idiot.

I pulled back, Finn slowly smiled and shook his head before opening his mouth and asking me the one question. I really didn’t want to answer. ”What happened?”

”Nothing”

I shook my head and smiled, putting on my best mask. I knew it wasn’t gonna stop him from asking more questions, but it was the best I could do. I stepped closer and put my head on his good shoulder, wrapping an arm around him and just taking a deep breath. ”Are you sure? You just seem a little off.” his arm instinctively wrapped around my hip. His good arm, of course. The other one was still tucked between us.

I simply nodded slowly as my head leaned against his chest. I let out a deep breath and melted into his arms. ”I just needed this. I don’t know, maybe I’m feeling a little insecure. It doesn’t happen often, so don’t get used to it. But right now I just want you to hold me.”

I wasn’t wrong. I’ve never been someone who falls into the realm of being insecure. In fact of something that I actively avoid because it is simply not me. I’m a confident human being. Anyone who has known me for longer than about two minutes can see, hear,  and feel that. But occasionally, insecurity does creep in. My moment with Jase had made me insecure. But that wasn’t the reason why I wanted to hold Me. I just needed him. I needed to hear his heartbeat and feel his arm around me. ”Well, I’m not going to say no. You know I love you, Kayla.” Those words made me smile. Whenever he said it, I smiled. And he knew that.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before opening them and looking up at him from my position nuzzled against his chest ”I know. And I love you. We don’t say it very often, but I know it. Just like you know how I feel about you. This is just one of those moments, Finn.”

”Are you sure there’s nothing wrong?”

He was giving me another chance to tell him. Another chance to open up. I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him everything. About being scared, about Jase cornering me and trying to make me believe I wasn’t the person that I really was. But I also knew that it would be a bad time. He had just lost the championship, he was in pain, part of his career had been taken away from him, as well as everything else that had happened. I couldn’t tell him. I didn’t want to tell him. Because, as I said, it was my turn to do right by him.

It was my turn to protect him.

Identity Crisis

After cutting a promo in the middle of Paris last week, Kayla is now sitting in a more traditional setting. Her long hair flows down a black leather jacket as she sighs heavily, ready to begin.

”What do you want this division to be? Do you want this to be a division full of people who are whining and crying? A division of people who don’t know how to get what they want? That is the kind of thing you’ll be getting if you sit back and let mediocrity become great. When it comes to holding this championship, mediocrity should never be the starting point. And it never has been with me. It has never been with Andrea. But the division under me, with me as its champion, you will have every single woman on this roster aiming at my back. Every single one of them is going to be coming for me, regardless of who they are and what they are about. I don’t really have any friends in this company anymore. Everyone should be coming for me, and everyone should hate me.”

“Same with Andrea. After all, she and I are two peas in a pod. We both talk about rivalries, and we both talk about where this division is going, but only one of us has the power to change anything. As good as Andrea believes herself to be and as much as she has become someone who can at least get to the same level as me, her ceiling is a lot shorter than mine. I can take this division to heights that he has never achieved. I can make this division mean something again. I started doing it before when I was champion. And in losing to Andrea, I heard all the gaps and I heard everyone be shocked. Andrea needs to realise that. Her win over me, while it was something that I could see coming, was something that no one else could.”

“I was the only one who believed in her enough that I knew she could beat me. The fans didn’t believe it, and everyone else in this company didn’t believe it. And when she walked out as the champion, there was an audible gasp in the crowd and silence. Silence from everyone on social media and silence of the crowd.”

“That is the worst thing anyone can hear. And that’s what Andrea heard. So, if I sit back and let her become the future of the division, then what does that mean for this division? This division is the strongest one. It has a champion at the front, who is the strongest. And that would be me. I am someone who can be instantly recognisable. I can go on Twitter....or rather X... and I can destroy people verbally, or I can go in the ring and do it for SCW. I’m a fucking star and Andrea just isn’t on that kind of level. When it comes to what she can do in the ring, I’m not gonna lie and say that she’s hopeless because she simply isn’t. She is good enough to step up to me in the ring, and she is good enough to be the champion as far as physical attributes go. But as a professional wrestler this woman doesn’t even know who the fuck she is.”

Kayla scoffs and shakes her head before continuing.

”You know, you and I have blown a lot of smoke up each other‘s arses Andrea. Talking about how good we both are in the ring and how we love to fight each other, and how equal we are. But the more I think about it the more I realise that you don’t even know what the fuck you’re doing. When you should be focusing on me, when you should be thinking about what you can say about Me and how you’re going to promote this match and get all the eyes of the wrestling world on what you and I are about to do to each other you go on Twitter and decide to talk about Crystal instead of Me. and while I thought it was hilarious that you said Crystal was like the Antonio Brown of professional wrestling, I still question why you’re focusing on someone that is irrelevant to this.”

“But, then again, you don’t seem to know where you’re going or what you’re doing. Every single time we hear you open your mouth, every single time you are getting ready to cut a promo on an opponent or talk about a match, you talk about how you have learned who you are. Constantly. How often can somebody learn who she is, and how often can you draw back on the wisdom of your father to win a match? Same shit different day. Time and time again, this is all you do, Andrea. You come out you talk about your father, you talk about learning more about who you are and then you try and justify that to get fake sympathy and fake bullshit because you don’t know who you are and you are constantly wearing a mask to cover it up.”

“You’d think after world championship wins and being in this business for so long that you would know who you are by now. Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. Or maybe you’re nobody.”

“Who knows? All I know is that you keep on playing the victim. You keep on whining and crying and talking about how people don’t understand you and how you’re learning more about yourself, and the person you were isn’t who you are now. You need to play the victim, Andrea. You need to act like you are the one who is being wrong because if you aren’t, then who are you? Who are you? If you face someone who is better than you, that is your default go-to mindset.”

Kayla shakes her head and throws her arms across her body, folding them over themselves. A look of anger in her bright green eyes as she steps forward.

”A weak mindset and one that is beneath you. But it also seems to be the one that you automatically go to every single time. I told you over and over again that when I lose, I come back better. I have never changed who I am. I’m a bitch. I know I am. I have the entire wrestling world hating me and wanting me to lose, yet somehow and someway. I seem to be more honest and genuine than you are. Because I tell the world what I'm prepared to do. You seem to be more than happy telling everyone these long winded bullshit stories about your father and how you’ve changed and how you want to grow as a human being. When in reality you don’t know how to grow because you don’t know who you are.”

“It’s pathetic.”

“You are pathetic. And I expected better.”

“I have proven time and time again that I will come back better than I was before. All you have been able to prove is that you have no idea who you are. No idea what you want to do. You are a fake, vapid human being, and you are just as bad as all those other women whom you claim to want to be better than. All those women who talk shit about you and hold you down are exactly exactly like you. But you can’t see it. You can’t see who you are, you can’t see your shortcomings, and you refuse to acknowledge them and try and overcome them. You are just as bad as everyone else. In fact….”

“You are just as bad as Crystal…”

“You have a chance to rise above that, but I have no faith that you’ll be able to. I went back and I re-watched every single one of your promos for the last six months, and it’s the same thing time and time again. And the worst part is that after I beat you the first time, you had a chance to grow, and you failed. You were able to beat me, and you didn’t even use that as an excuse to get better. You just shrugged it off like a win over Me didn’t mean anything, and you went right into the elimination chamber. A match that you could have won by showing how great you are, but in the end, you lost and you decided to play the victim. You wind and complained about it.”

Kayla throws her arms in the air and shakes her head before pacing back and forth.

”I want everyone to sit back and think about that reaction. Your reaction to being put in the elimination chamber and losing was to wind and cry about it. To talk about how beating Me was such horrible timing because you had to defend that championship against so many others. But you’re forgetting something. I didn’t have to be in that match, Andrea. I didn’t.”

“I could have waited. I could have waited and watched whoever was going to come out of that match as the champion. Whether it was you or whether it was one of the other women, I could have simply waited. You, on the other hand, are complaining about having to defend the championship in that match and completely disregarding my win. That is a huge difference between us. You complain about these opportunities and these big matches and having to defend a championship against more than one person.”

“I owned it.”

“I needed and wanted that match. I wanted to go in as champion and defend the title in the elimination chamber of Instead, I chose to enter as a challenger because I had no choice. And that’s just it, sometimes as a champion, you need to do things that you don’t choose to do. I run toward them gladly. I will defend the championship against anyone, any time, any place in any kind of match, and I will do it with a certain amount of confidence that no one else has. You won’t. You’ll just bitch and moan and complain and going these long rambling diatribes about shit that nobody cares about while trying to play the victim and act like you are no longer the woman that you used to be.”

“All the while having no idea who you actually are.”

“So, I am going to step into the ring it into the void and I’m going to keep this championship. I’m going to make sure that you are unable to grab it and you are unable to drag it down to the mediocrity that you have surrounded yourself with because you don’t have the balls to be the champion that we all know you could have been. We have had a great rivalry. That’s true, Andrea. But as we get to the end of it, as I start to get that little bit ahead of you and I start to win other matches that you simply didn’t want to be in then our rivalry goes from something beautiful to something disappointing. and that’s just it, I’m disappointed in you Andrea. I expected more than you whining and crying behind the scenes and then throwing a tantrum on TV. I expected a real challenge.”

“I expected… an equal. And I didn’t get it.”

[Andrea Hernandez]

“Some would say that professional wrestling can be quite cruel…”

It was a unique experience for me standing in front of some young wrestling students who all wanted to be successful in the business. Myra Rivers’s wrestling students were those that I found to be a very impressionable and astute bunch. Most were eager but I quickly noticed a young lady near the back that seemed pretty tentative about what I just said.

“Trust me, I would know. I dealt with it five years ago at its worst, during my first run in SCW…”

It was definitely a happy feeling within me knowing that I could bring this up now without feeling sad or depressed in any fashion.

“...when, because of one bully that should’ve never fucking mattered, I spiraled into a darkness that I would be stuck in for two years… most likely three. I gave her power over me over some empty, stupid words that most of you in this room would be able to overcome. I allowed someone who I should’ve never allowed to matter, to define my wrestling journey and it would be the biggest mistake of my entire career. When I first lost the title to that woman, I felt like I proved her empty words right. I felt cornered, helpless, useless and after my father died, I failed to win a match for him that Father’s Day, losing to two women who ALSO should’ve never mattered… especially Crystal Hilton, then I failed to regain the title from the aforementioned bully, I felt like I was never going to get out ot it…”

I paused for a bit, knowing this next part was going to be hard.

“...and I compensated by becoming something I’m not and I will never be again.”

I took a pause to hear some whispers among the students, one of them even remarking that SCW’s locker room culture among the Bombshells was toxic.

“To be FAIR, the culture is much improved now than it was 5 years ago but you still have your occasional cancers that come in and bring down the vibe and are in it for themselves and you see that generally around the time when we do the Blast from the Past tournament and they come back for a cheap road back to the glory they are desperate to attain again.”

“So considering all that you’ve ever been through and what you’re describing with the culture, why are you even there?”

Myra’s students find themselves surprised by the remark that the tentative young lady in the back just made. I, however, wasn’t fazed as I addressed her.

“And your name is???”

“Jenna. Before I came here, I watched everything that you just described as it played out on my streaming service and it was easy to tell that during your first run, you were heavily suffering. I’m surprised you even went back at all.”

I took the question in stride before I responded.

“Jenna, SCW is a microcosm of a majority of this business, if not society today, you know? Cancers and poisons will never fade away in that company or any other. I want to be a positive force for change in that locker room. I don’t want Latinas to be ashamed of watching SCW because of Crystal Hilton’s existence or women like us to get discouraged because you have women that are in it for themselves and set such an awful example, or people your age getting discouraged when someone like Cassie Wolfe as an example, come in and struggle so much out of the gate when they first arrive because they may have jumped too soon.”

“So you’re there now because you want to be different from the status quo…” Jenna realizes.

“Exactly. There’s too much poison and drama in this business and I want to do the best that I can do to alleviate that if not change it completely. I made the mistake five years ago of allowing the empty words of others and the death of my father to swallow me whole and I would NEVER want the same thing to happen to anyone else and I WON’T let that happen to anyone else if I can help it. THAT’S why I do what I do!”

“Amen…” a male student says and what I just said brought cheers out of the audience in front of me, but I was caught off guard by Jenna starting to seem quite emotional.

“Are you okay, Jenna?” I asked.

“It’s just… my mother died of breast cancer six months ago and ever since then, my Indy experience has been really bad. It’s not so much losing more matches than winning, it’s most of my opponents being cruel about my mom ranging from things like ‘you keep letting her down’ to thinks like ‘she wasted her life raising you’. So, I can really relate to what you’ve been through…

“Guys, let me sit down with her for a little bit?”

There were some sighs and nods of understandings as everyone but Jenna left the room. I went to sit down next to her and be an ear to her.

“As someone that has been through what you’ve been through… though the bully I dealt with didn’t come after my dad’s death like that… I feel your pain and it angers me that people are like that in this business.”

“I get tormented constantly by all these people using my mom’s death against me and acting like I’m weak for not being over it…” Jenna added as she had to wipe away a tear. I’ve been told that I’m never going to make it. They’re all acting like I’m doomed to wrestle in other people’s backyards for five to seven dollars a match…”

“Wait, that’s what you’ve been doing? Backyard companies? Not even a real Indy promotion?”

“Yeah…”

“Oh Jenna, those places? With all due respect to the people that haul ass, there’s a reason why most people don’t go beyond Indy from those places. They’re tearing other people down just to get ahead or to make others feel better about themselves and if they DO progress to a global stage, they NEVER lose that trait. They’re not worth it! Have you tried to contact a real Indy booker? Anything?”

“No… I’m too worried about rejection. If I’m struggling in the ‘backyard’ scene…”

“Listen, you don’t need to go down that rabbit hole any further. You’re exactly the kind of person that I do what I do for now and exactly the kind of person I want to uplift and inspire to do great things for. Come to Into the Void with me, okay? I’ll sponsor you. I’ll get you some good hook ups to get started on the Indy scene and I’ll get you out of your situation.”

Jenna was shocked and overjoyed at the same time to hear what I just said.

“Wait… SERIOUSLY?”

I nodded.

“I’ll take you under my wing in my spare time and I’ll do for you what Myra did for me… well… after GCW, but you get the idea.”

“Oh my god, you don’t have to!” she exclaimed with joy.

“I WANT to, Jenna!”

Jenna practically leaped into my arms and gave me the biggest hug ever and I responded quickly enough to return it.

“I got you, okay? I’m not letting you suffer what I suffered five years ago and I’m sure as hell not going to let you become what I used to be.”

“Thank you! Seriously! You don’t know how much this means to me.”

“We start tomorrow, alright?”

Jenna nodded as we stood up and began to leave. Myra Rivers was standing by the door having heard the whole thing. She smiled at me and didn’t say a word, but I knew she was proud of me for what I had just done.

“I get it now…” I told her as Jenna and I left the room.

It was a hell of a feeling knowing I was taking someone under my wing for the first time and being a direct role model to someone.

My hope of course, is that come Into the Void, I can REALLY give the young lady a hell of a spiritual boost.

May 22, 2025

I was going down the elevator in my hotel trying to make my way to the lobby. Once the elevator opened, I was focused on walking out and finding a nearby place to eat for dinner, but Roddy came in and I was completely shocked. He saw me and I was feeling this guilty pit in my stomach knowing that things were definitely awkward between us after I kicked him out of my home and wouldn’t listen to him try to get through to me after my meltdown after Blaze of Glory.

This is the first time I’ve seen him since.

“Andrea…”

“I wasn’t expecting you to be here all things considered.”

“I wouldn’t miss this even though the last time we talked, you really went too far and too stubborn to really have any common sense to be honest…”

I was at a loss for words not knowing what to say at this point because I was too overwhelmed with guilt… especially as I thought back to that conversation that we had and I was just far too irrational.

“I was thinking that you hated me and that you were just going to start treating me like I did when we were kids.”

“I would NEVER treat you like that again, Andrea…” Roddy said with a sigh. “...how can you even think that?”

“I was just being overprotective of myself and I actually thought, in that conversation, that you were going to ‘show your true colors’ and be mean to me again and start running me down like you used to in the past. Honestly, that was very stupid of me to think that…”

“It’s not, Andrea. I get it. I have nobody to blame but myself for that and you were letting that chamber get to you a little too much to the point where you snapped back to a mentality you’ve worked so hard to break free from.”

“Either way, it was no excuse for you to treat you like that and I am very sorry. You were just trying to help me just like you’re trying to help me now by being here for me even though I did treat you that way and I appreciate that more than I could ever put into words at this point.”

Roddy put his hand on my shoulder understanding me in every way.

“I’m not only here to watch you beat Kayla and settle the score with her for good, but I’m also here to make sure that if worse comes to worse, you don’t spiral again.”

I scoffed at this.

“No, that’s not going to happen again. Really! I mean it this time. You were absolutely right about me when you said that I wasn’t seeing the special person that I can be. But, I’m starting to see it now because I’ve gained a whole new perspective on so many things that I don’t really know where to start.”

“Really?” he said, looking intrigued and perhaps impressed that I was able to come around so quickly. “What changed between our last conversation and now?”

“I met this girl…” I said with a sigh referring to Jenna back at Myra’s wrestling school. “She’s one of Myra’s students and from what I saw, she has tons of potential but little confidence in herself. So much of that has to do with the fact that the people she has encountered when she gets gigs often put her down and use her mom’s recent breast cancer death against her.”

“That’s fucked up…” Roddy says, before he comes to realize something. “Shit, she reminds me of…”

“Me…” I said without so much a thought. “She’s basically a mirror image of me in many ways. Knowing that, I realize that for as bad as I THOUGHT I had it after the chamber, it’s nothing close to what others are going through and nothing close to what I went through five years ago. It shook up my perspective so much in a good way and I decided I wanted to help her and be that light in this business. Someone like her is worth sponsoring and worth inspiring and fighting for so I took her under my wing and everything.”

Roddy didn’t know what to say, but I knew that he was definitely intrigued by this.

“After I met her, I’m really seeing things from a new perspective now”

“That Hall of Fame induction in GCW helped, didn’t it?”

“It helped me move past things and to come to the perspective that I have now, yeah. Myra apologizing for all the GCW madness did too but after all of it, I go into this rematch with Kayla knowing that even if worse comes to worse, there won’t be a meltdown. There won’t be any relapse back to what I was. I won’t be beating myself up and being haunted by failure and I won’t be having nightmares about Dad coming to me and telling me that I disappointed him. I’ll never lose sight of my destiny no matter what happens on Sunday and I go into this knowing who I am meant to be in this business. The locker room in SCW might be full of poison sometimes and the way some carry themselves is beyond me, but I’m not going to feed into that again. I’ll be different. I’ll be better than all of that. I’m not going to force people to change who they are because that’s not my place…”

“But being what YOU are and counteracting all of that…”

“Exactly…” I said with confidence.

Roddy was smirking at this point and I could tell things were going so much better than they were the last time we encountered each other.

“That’s the kind of mindset you should be developing, Andrea. I’m proud of you for developing it because that’s exactly the mindset that you’ll need and it will be MORE than enough to break the parallels between your two runs you were so worried about.”

“What parallels?” I asked with a sarcastic scoff. “I’m done comparing both runs at this point. It’s not going to do me any good. I just need to focus on the moment and not get so caught up in all that shit.”

“You’re doing the right thing, Andrea…” he said as we both hugged each other. “With this mindset, you’ll never have to even worry about experiencing that old darkness again. You’ve truly changed and grown and no match outcome, Sunday or otherwise, is going to dictate otherwise.”

“I’ve fallen into that hole for the last time, I promise you that…” I said with confidence as we left the hotel together. We continued to have our conversation and started to catch up more over dinner and I had the most freeing feeling in the world knowing that I never had to worry about that horrible, internal darkness and that cruel past from five years ago ever again.

May 23, 2025 (Arc de Triomphe)

I was standing underneath Paris’s world famous military monument that dated back to the Napoleonic era of France. It was definitely a bit chilling, but in a good way. I definitely felt like I was a little more powerful here and that strength and conviction was flowing through me as I began to express my thoughts.

“If I had to pick one landmark in Paris to come to, it’s this one. This memorial of sorts is to honor those brave souls that have fought for this country in some famous wars and revolutions. For the people of Paris, this place represents the strength and resilience of this city, if not this entire country and that’s why it’s so fitting for me to be here because I went from that downtrodden girl trapped in the darkness five years ago to a much stronger woman who is only starting to learn her own strength, starting to realize how special she is, and starting to recognize her own resiliency. The night I won the championship from you, Kayla, I proved to myself how resilient I could be. I showed that I could find strength in the midst of that brutal loss at High Stakes going the way I did and I know that while it won’t be easy, I am absolutely going to have to do it again. I WILL do it again! But first, allow me to say you’re welcome for giving you the rivalry you always wanted. I suppose that’s what I gave you in return for how wrestling against you over these last few months has shown me that strength and resilience. Those are the two things that continue to push me forward and WILL continue to push me forward no matter what happens on Sunday. I have learned quite a bit, granted still learning, how to care less about how other people see me. I am who I am. I do what I do. I say what I say. I know not everyone’s going to like me. I know that some people think I’m fake or that I haven’t changed from the past.

That’s okay.

I’m learning how to be far less obsessed with my own image than I used to be because I have the strength and the resilience to see past that. YOU have it too, Kayla. It’s just too bad that you don’t actually use it and that’s something that has held you back before and has caused you to fall short in a handful of big matches in the past. It honestly SUCKS seeing a wrestler of your caliber talking about how people might view you as a monster and a bully because of your match with Harper Mason. I don’t understand why you continue to do this to yourself. I get it because I used to care so much about that and to an extent, I STILL do because I’ll be the first to admit that it’s a work in progress, but why? I’m not calling you a bully or a monster. As you know, I’ve never gone out of my way to tear you down or root for you to fail. I’m not going to condone what you did to Harper, but I’m not going to condemn it either because I GET that you were going through some frustrations with the mixed tag title situation. HOWEVER, I AM going to say that it’s further proof positive that you can’t control your own temper and at times, you get in your own way. I don’t know if it’s a lack of self-awareness or feeling like showing some compassion every now and then makes you ‘weak’, or what it is.

But the truth of the matter is, I know I am going to beat you because you have the same issue that I once had in spades during my first time here and that issue is being in your own way and holding yourself back from your fullest potential at the worst time. It speaks to how fucking good you are because of what you’ve accomplished in SPITE of yourself, but have you EVER considered sitting down and thinking about what you could accomplish once you learn to fully get out of your own way? I worry about you because I feel like you’re driving yourself crazy, thinking that letting up for even a second is going to result in you losing a match. As much as we are competitors, we’re also human, Kayla. You and I share a lot more agreements on certain things in this business and I’m even willing to go as far as saying that we’re both the same level of bold that just might make people look at us and even have a bit of bitterness toward us because of how long we’ve shared the main event spotlight. I won’t disagree with your points about acknowledging losses and working hard to become better from then especially considering my own journey. Like I said, we don’t differ on much but where we differ is our approach…

I strive to be better every day, every match, and I stove to stare adversity in the face and make it my bitch again and again just like you do, but the difference is, I don’t make it a borderline obsession like I feel that you do sometimes. I don’t take it to the point where I have to be better than everyone nor do I take it to the point where I have to viciously call people out by name… well… I guess Crystal might be an exception but I digress…

I don’t take it to the level where I’m calling out how people are rooting for me to fail. You don’t see how fast you can self-destruct from that because your relative dominance and your perennial victories where it matters the most are making you far less aware of that when you need to be. Acknowledging your losses is one thing, and I understand that and I am completely professional when it comes to that even though I don’t spend my time on Twitter talking about every single match that I wrestle in. But acknowledging your shortcomings and your weaknesses? It takes a STRONGER, RESILIENT human being to do that and Kayla, while you acknowledge where you fall short in a match and where you strive to be better from that and while all of that IS admirable and I can respect that in a way, I don’t recall a time where you’ve acknowledged your weaknesses. I don’t remember you acknowledging how short your fuse can be at times in the worst situations. I don’t remember ever hearing you admit that the constant acknowledging of what other people say about you or what other people MIGHT be saying about you in private like it’s some obscene obsession is a weakness of yours. You do you, I’m not judging, but how can you truly be better as a wrestler or even as a person when you don’t acknowledge your weaknesses? I’ve poured my heart out regarding some of mine during this months long rivalry of ours. I’ve acknowledged where I’ve fucked up in past encounters. I OWN the fact that after the chamber, I had that moment of weakness where I felt like I was about to spiral again just because I became too obsessed with comparing my runs to each other and feeling like going for a one on one rematch ‘might’ result in the same old pattern again.

I OWN that, and I OWN that it’s not the way to think.

What I WON’T own, though, is a lie or a lack of judgment in character.

Such as this conspiracy about how I pulled this underhanded trick to get a rematch and that if you didn’t, I’d be talking about how you’re scared of me?”

I paused for a bit as I reflected upon what I just mentioned. The old me from years ago would’ve been ultra defensive, up in her feelings and wanting to tear down Kayla in anger for that. But the more mature version of myself that I’ve become couldn’t even feel any anger at all, just pity.

“I get it. I’m not necessarily someone that holds back on my words, but after all this time that we’ve had dealing with each other, you should know me SO much better than that. How in the world would you even THINK that I would do such a thing when I’m one of the few people in this division that has never torn you down? What would I accomplish by doing that? Last I checked, I was owed a rematch just like you were after I beat you. Correct? Maybe you didn’t like the way I worded it, but don’t you find it ironic that you’re over there worrying so much about what other people think of you and how people root for you to fail and how people are going to slander you and say all this untrue shit about you yet you go out there and make this outrageous, scandalous accusation about me? I’ve ALWAYS known that you’re not scared of me. You’re the one that went and tried to get a rematch with me after High Stakes. You’re the one that decided to go against the odds to win the title back against me in the chamber. I KNOW better… and so should you. I’m not ANGRY or anything, but I really pity you for taking one speech about how I want that rematch that I was owed the way you wanted yours after Inception and you twisted and turned it into something it wasn’t even CLOSE to! I’m so sorry that you felt the need to go that far and that’s all I have to say about that.

And where do you get off about Blaze of Glory?

Oh right, because I’m not all over social media talking about it and because I choose to focus on my own psychological well being, I’m DISSING you and DISRESPECTING what you accomplished and then it leads into all these other adjectives you used to describe me that I could REALLY get into but I know SO much better now than to even give them the time of day because if I DID give them the time of day, then I’d just be doing the same thing that you like to do with worrying about other people perceive you. You have your opinions of me. You have the right to interpret my words, actions, tweets, appearances, and so forth however you like. That’s fine. I’m not going to hold it against you because for my own sake, it’s not fucking worth it. Your interpretation of things as far as they pertain to me is honestly, not my problem but what I AM going to say about that is that by going off on that tangent about stretched truths and taking things personally and just pulling stuff out of thin air like that is that it falls right in line to what I’ve BEEN saying for months about how you give far too much of a fuck about how other people perceive you to the point where the most INNOCENT fucking thing like social media silence as an example, is “disrespectful”.

The person that I was years ago would’ve been so god damned angry and gotten thrown off her game and basically just given you the damn match. Hell, that person probably would’ve been hell bent on proving you wrong and proving those words… those OPINIONS… wrong. What you said about me? They’re all opinions. They’re all your interpretations. But they’re not my truth because one thing you HAVE to learn as a champion in any profession, wrestling or not, sports or not… hell, it’s a general fact of a successful life no matter what field you’re a part of… is that only YOUR truth about YOU is the truth that actually fucking matters and if there is ONE thing you HAVEN’T done in your career… at least in MY interpretation anyway… is grasp the damn concept. If you were so damn confident in your own truth about yourself, you wouldn’t feel the need to preach it seemingly every time you turn the camera on and shove it down the throat here and there and you sure as hell wouldn’t be trying to stretch things the way you clearly did with me.

But ultimately? I’m not angry with you for saying those things not just because I have learned to be secure and confident in my own truth, my beliefs, my journey that not ONE person in this company, whether it’s you, Crystal, Victoria, Hall of Fame members no longer on this roster, or anyone else I’ve come across or will come across, but because honestly what I feel for you after hearing you say those things is pity. How can someone who has been as dominant and successful and on a higher tier such as you be THAT blinded to your own weaknesses and so blinded by your attitude that you can never be satisfied with anything and that you can never be happy within your own heart and soul? Do you lack a sense of belief in yourself THAT strongly that everything and anything that isn’t perceived your way is perceived as a slight?

It’s too bad if that’s truly the case because in an alternate timeline, we might even be tag partners, allies or friends considering we share so many similar views about this company and the business as a whole. But I want you to know that despite it all, I don’t hate you and I never will. I’m not going to be angry with you regardless of what happens on Sunday and regardless? I’ll always carry some respect for you as a competitor even though as a person, I may not agree with your method to your madness.

But with how resilient I’ve been before and will be again on Sunday, and knowing that all I have to do is make you doubt yourself at JUST the right moment along with building the strongest belief in myself that I’ve ever had and STILL building…

That in heart and in mind, I AM stronger… and that advantage in strength WILL bring me to victory to close out the final chapter of the first of god knows how many books our rivalry will have in the end.”

I took a deep breath feeling super proud of myself that I stuck to my guns, even in the face of Kayla’s words before I turned off the camera.