Last Sunday…
Back at Eddie’s home in Flagstaff, I was overcome with so much joy after punching that ticket to the High Stakes main event. I had already exchanged hugs with him and my mother.
“Amazing…” my mother said.
“I don’t remember the last time I’ve seen you so happy…” Eddie added.
“It was well worth the wait seeing you wrestle in person for the first time…” Roddy added as well. To hear that validation from my formerly estranged oldest brother definitely hit home for me.
When you consider that road block Alicia Lukas was for me and how losing to her in our first encounter tore me up and started that horrible snowball effect right into the summer of hell, how couldn’t I be emotional?
“I finally pinned Alicia…” I said, the reality of such a happy moment dawning on me to the point of tears of joy which might as well represented over four years of pain FINALLY melting away from my heart. “Holy fuck, I finally beat her! God, I didn’t realize it would feel this damn good!”
We were interrupted by the sudden sound of Myra Rivers requesting a video chat with me.
“I have to take this guys…” I said, before I left into Eddie’s front porch and answered the call. Myra, all the way back in Miami, had nothing but a smile on her face and I already knew she was thrilled for me though she saw I was crying.
“Congratulations!” she exclaimed.
“Thanks… sorry…” I took a pause to take a deep breath and wipe the tears away. “You know how much this means to me. The fact that I FINALLY beat Alicia Lukas and overcame the loss that sent me on that slow spiral to madness is the most fitting thing in the world right now. I poisoned the root of the problem and overcame the roadblock to challenge for the world title for the first time in four years.”
“I remember the conversation that we had when you first told me you were going back. I was concerned for you and I didn’t think it was a good idea considering what had happened the first time around…”
“Yeah, I remember that.”
“I will happily admit that I was wrong about you going back and I was hoping I would be. I also admit that my own experiences there did cloud my judgment and that I was worrying too much about the same things happening to you all over again…” Myra pointed out with a sigh.
“Listen, I understand where you were coming from and by no means was I annoyed with you. You were looking out for me especially since, let’s be honest, SCW took you for granted and they still do with the only mention you’re getting nowadays is Julianna trying to break your record.”
“I’m LONG used to that and I’m happy with what I’ve done since I left . But, ultimately? It’s not about me. I’m elated for you and I don’t remember the last time I was so happy to be wrong about something but more than that? I am so happy for you as your former mentor that you have managed to turn things around so fast and rise up the ladder again while you’ve shown exactly how much you’ve evolved and grown between your SCW stints. Honestly, you main eventing the Bombshells match at High Stakes is at least two years overdue.”
I could only smile at this knowing deep down that Myra was right. I thought about what might have been had I not collapsed so hard four years ago, but I wasn’t feeling too sad about it. I knew that it was going to be a talking point when I publicly addressed the masses for High Stakes for the first time.
“Better late than never as the saying goes. I’m just happy that I’m here now and that things have gone much better. These last two matches that I’ve been a part of have certainly shown so much and that whatever ghosts of the past there are, seem to be gone…”
“You came back for this moment, you know. But, not all of the ghosts are gone yet. You may have poisoned “the root” with Alicia but remember… Kayla Richards never minces words and she may be particularly brutal toward you. She’s as outspoken as they come and if you’re not careful with how you treat her words then…”
“Don’t finish that thought, Myra. What do you mean all of the ghosts aren’t gone yet?”
The good vibes of the win I just got had transitioned into a “back to business” feeling as I began to look ahead.
“Now more than ever, you’ve got to face up to the mistakes and the shortcomings of that summer of hell four years ago. You may have solved the Alicia puzzle, but where you really rock bottomed was with Evie.”
I briefly pursed my lips upon hearing that reminder.
“You haven’t fully faced that yet and all you did was allow that horrible human being to define who you are and THAT was the biggest mistake you made that summer more than anything. You’ve got to find a way to face that, alright?”
“You’re right, and no worries. I will.”
With that, our video call ended and I went back inside to start thinking about how I was going to overcome THAT rock bottom now that I finally slayed the dragon with Alicia’s name on it.
Going back in time wasn’t easy…
After Summer XXXtreme 2020…
I recently flashed back to where it all bottomed out. I was walking down the hall of the cruise hearing a bunch of tears and much self-defeat talk coming from a nearby cabin. I sighed, knowing that it was the sound of my own voice.. I knew the situation: I had just lost that triple threat with Evie and Alicia with the former pinning me again and all of those old feelings were flooding back.
“I didn’t deserve to be here…” I could hear myself say. “...I’m a flash in the pan. I’m nothing. I’m never going to recover from this. I don’t ever want to wrestle again…”
That was enough for me to walk into the cabin and look at my past self who continued to beat herself up.
“I should just retire tomorrow…”
“Don’t say that…” I told my past self, who looked up at me and found herself stunned. “It gets better…”
“...you’re… ME?” she asked me.
“From 2024, yes. I’ll tell you right now that you’re still wrestling four years from now…”
“How is that even possible? Everything that could go wrong has gone wrong: losing the title, losing four straight matches, my dad dying, being exposed as a flash in the pan…”
I sighed, trying to hide my annoyance at this point.
“Everything looks like shit right now, but I promise you that it WILL get better and that your brightest future is still ahead of you.”
“It’s not true…” she said. “I never deserved to be a world champion in SCW. I peaked far too soon. All the garbage that Evie said about the whole run being a fairy tale was completely right…”
“Alright, that’s it…” I said with anger in my voice. “Now I understand why my father got annoyed with you. You’re going to stop this fucking pity party right now and you’re going to stop this fucking spiral you’ve been on since you suffered your first SCW loss to Alicia. Now, buck up, shut up and listen to what the fuck I’ve got to say…”
My past self looked at me stunned.
“...you are NOT going to be Evie’s victim anymore, got it? I will not let it happen! You were never weak and you’ve always had it in you to be a world champion and I don’t give a fuck what Evie, Alicia or any of the massive amounts of locker room haters you had at this time had to say otherwise.”
“How could you know it’s better… other than ‘I’m living it’?” She asks me. I had to bite my lip to think of an answer without giving away too much.
“For starters, Evie doesn’t exist anymore and Ben divorced her…”
My past self was definitely stunned in silence by that, allowing me to continue.
“Exactly! All the shit she said about you? It means NOTHING! She doesn’t even last THIS year, Jessie… of all women… JESSIE beats her at HIGH STAKES this year and she’s never full time again! So tell me what those words mean…”
“Go on…”
“It won’t happen in SCW, but you will acquire at least two more world titles…”
“...really…”
“And try this on for size… you WILL main event High Stakes one day!”
“WHAT?!?!??!” my past self said with a gasp, expressing her disbelief that things really do get better.
“Let me show you something…”
I pulled out a picture of my third world title win from December 2023 from my pocket to hand to her and she looks completely touched by this. In fact, she’s so touched that she gives me a huge embrace.
“Thank you…” she said, with tears flowing down her face. I was quick to dry them myself.
“At one time, I thought you were weak…” I admitted. “But now I know that even then, I was strong after all. Despite everything, you still pushed through and yes, there were still some extended struggles for a while, but eventually, you were strong enough and brilliant enough to fight your way through all of the darkness that you are enduring right now. The worst has passed, now dig yourself out of this…”
“I will…” she assured me as we broke our embrace.
11-14-2024
I came out of that flashback and talking to my past self extremely empowered while I stood in the wrestling ring of my father’s old wrestling academy.
“I had long wished that things back then didn’t turn out the way that they did…” I thought to myself. “But at the same time, if they didn’t go that way, I wouldn’t be as strong as I am now. In a way, perhaps I had to leave SCW when I did for my own sake. I feel like at this point, I’m finally beginning to heal from that horrible summer now that I am aware of how strong I’ve become. Though, perhaps it would’ve been even more fitting if I was able to beat Evie’s ass along the way to really put an exclamation point on that…”
“UGH! Not this fairy tale again…” I heard Chelsea LeClair say as she walked into the building. I was stunned to see that she was dressed just like Evie Jordan, wig and all and I had nothing to say as she walked into the ring with me.
“What the hell are you doing, Chelsea?”
“Finally putting this thing to bed”, she answered out of character. “After all, that roleplay experience in Edmonton when you heard the fans react to your ‘inevitable’ line worked so I figured this would work again. Plus, with Kayla being as verbally brutal as she can be, I thought preparing you by bringing you the closest you’ll get to overcoming that piece of shit from four years ago would immensely help you manage whatever crap Kayla throws your way.”
“So you’re worried I wouldn’t be able to handle her worst?”
“No, but just in case that’s a worry in your subconscious mind…”
I rolled my eyes.
“Sure, let’s go with it. Give me your… or I guess… Evie’s… worst…”
Chelsea cleared her throat and off she went.
“How could YOU, the biggest flash in the pan in SCW history, be in the main event of High Stakes? Didn’t you learn ANYTHING from your FAIRY TALE RUN four years ago? You were the absolute WORST world champion EVER and quite frankly, beating you for the world title was just that damn easy because I exposed you for the fraud you always were and the piece of shit you still are. You had a BIG DOWNFALL, the worst I’ve ever seen ANDREA…”
I just rolled my eyes and Chelsea happened to catch that.
“Roll your eyes at the truth, yeah? Losing the title PROVED you were the Cinderella all along…”
“It didn’t prove SHIT, Evie! Hell, this little ‘fairy tale’ narrative? It wasn’t true! It was NEVER true! Really, if you remove ALL of your fucking bullshit, what it boils down to is that I lost to someone that challenged me on a random supercard that other than the title changing hands, had NONE of the long term consequences you said it did! Losing to you didn’t prove you right and it wasn’t a god damn fairy tale because if it WAS, I don’t recover from that summer. I don’t go on to be undefeated for all of 2021 despite myself, I don’t win the Internet Championship and go on this epic 18 match win streak and I don’t come back to SCW after a couple of years away and break through into the High Stakes main event so I KNOW that EVERYTHING you said about me all those years ago is BULLSHIT and YOU made it bullshit the moment you ran away from this place after Jessie Salco beat your fucking ass”
Chelsea could only laugh.
“It’s smoke and mirrors all over again, Cinderella… just like it was then. All it takes is ONE loss and it’s DOWNFALL all over again…”
I wasn’t even getting angry. I was smiling in her face the way I would’ve if the real Evie was saying this to me.
“This is just another fairy tale and Kayla, who is far superior to you, is going to bring you back down to earth just like I did. You couldn’t even handle me, so how the hell are you going to handle her? What do you have to say to that?”
“Nothing…” I said as I laughed in her face. “...because all I hear is noise. YOU were NOTHING but fucking NOISE Evie, and YOU were the lucky “fairy tale” that was SUPER FORTUNATE that when wee faced off, that I didn’t realize that.
“You’ll ALWAYS be my bitch and I’ll ALWAYS make you feel like you failed your daddy…”
With a snap, I popped Chelsea right in the face, knocking her down so hard that when she hit the mat, her black wig popped off.
“Oh my god, Chelsea… shit…”
I kneeled down to make sure she was okay as she held her jaw. She moved it around a bit and slightly winced.
“Good, Andrea…. Fucking GOOD….”
“You’re not mad?”
“No…” Chelsea said with a scoff. “She would’ve deserved that.”
I felt relief, but then I had this warm, healing feeling going through me when an epiphany basically flashed before me.
“On one hand… wow… what a shame that I let someone like that get to me so easily back then. But then again, I couldn’t have known how to handle someone like that four years ago. Now I understand.”
“Kayla might try to come at you like that, if not worse…” Chelsea warned.
“If so, then so be it…” I said, feeling damn good about myself. “There’s nothing her or anyone else can say or do to me to bring me back to that rock bottom. I’m not that Andrea anymore. I’ve matured and evolved and you know what? I feel like I’ve healed from everything from four years ago now that I’ve faced much of that horrible time of my SCW run and overcome it…”
“Great!” Chelsea said with a smile. “Now go win that championship!”
“You’re damn right I will…” I said with a true determination in me. I helped Chelsea back to her feet and we talked a bit after that, but now I knew in my heart that I had healed from the past… and that everything from four years ago was NEVER going to burden me again…
11-16-2024
I was inside old building on my parents’s Sedona property that used to house my father’s former wrestling school. The camera was on me and in the room I was in, the walls were littered with photo moments of my first SCW run: the championships, the heartbreaks, my best and my worst, my matches in the past with the likes of Crystal Hilton, Keira Fisher, Alicia Lukas, Sam Marlowe among others. When the camera was turned on, I was reflective but I also knew I was ready to move forward and that’s just what I was about to do.
“We all know the whole mythology of the Phoenix… how when it burns and dies, it rises out of its own ashes. Four years ago, that Phoenix within me died and so did my fighting spirit when I went through the worst summer of my career. That summer plagued me in my first run so you would think that I’d just want to get rid of all the memories and drown them in fire, right? Wrong. I went through tons of adversity and somehow, someway, I kept getting through it every single time to the point where after two years away, I managed to come back and to get myself in this world championship match at High Stakes. You can’t write a better redemption story than that. I went from running away from the past to coming back to face it, embrace it and to grow stronger from it and Kayla Richards, for all you’ve done as the SCW Bombshells World Champion, for someone that calls themselves the Dreamkiller and who has been as dominant as she has been, I am not going to make the same fucking mistake I made when I went to Tucson and faced Alicia Lukas for the first time and that was to enter that ring, alone, dismissing my family even, scared shitless and worrying about the worst because the way I see it? The match is all I have to lose. You can’t kill a dream that I allowed someone else to kill four years ago. I have regained faith in that dream again and you’re about to have the toughest challenge yet.
See, I know what you’re about. I know how you’re going to try to approach me. I get that you’ve got to push people to their mental limits and that once upon a time, I was mentally fragile, but Kayla, there’s nothing you can do and nothing that you can say that is going to shatter me. I’ve done this dance before, and yes, I have failed that dance more than I’ve succeeded in it and yet, I’m STILL able to break through! I know that I am the opponent that you should stress about the most because I’m the kind of opponent you won’t be able to break. I know your history with Julianna and how you basically lured her into defending the championship against her. I know how you were able to get one over on Luna because you knew that she has never been right in the head. Tempest, as we both know, isn’t nearly as strong psychologically as she is physically so I had little doubt that you were going to retain against her. But me? I’ve got them all beat. I’m CONFIDENT that I’m going to beat you and I am going to pour every fucking ounce of fight that I’ve got into this because this moment right here, that we are about to have, is why I came back to begin with. It wasn’t easy for me to come back, Kayla. As a matter of fact, my entire journey here has never been easy. It’s one of the worst feelings in the world to come in, make that impact, win a world championship as fast as I did, lose it far quicker than expected and then not just lose your championship, but lose your father… and lose yourself…
Yet I’m still here…
I’ll be honest, my first time here? I brought a fair portion of that on myself. I didn’t believe in myself enough. I allowed other people to break me and turn me into something I’m not. There were certain losses that got to me for so long, that made me feel like a piece of shit. I didn’t help myself with the lack of self-belief that I had but that self-belief is something in me that has grown stronger than it ever has. Let me ask you something though. What do you think defines a stronger champion? Someone that just dominates for months and turns back challenger after challenger to the point where they might be getting bored at some point? Or someone that has been through hell and back, a partially self-inflicted one at that, and yet has endured, survived and even thrived every step of the way when they had no business to and when they had no business being as good as they were? For me? It’s the ladder! I’ve been there and done that with the whole “domination” thing with the 18 match winning streak and that undefeated 2021 and it just wasn’t gratifying enough for me. Even with some of the wins that I’ve got and an excellent run as the Internet Champion, my proudest moment here WAS that world title win that I did manage to have.
What separates me from your previous challengers is that I come into this wanting this if not craving this to a higher level than any of them. I actually WANT to be here, I WANT to be a world champion again. I WANT to prove that not even the worst bit of hell is going to knock you the fuck down, that you can once more rise from the ashes, do it all over again and do it at the best you’ve ever been. What separates me from you though, is that you’ve been so fucking dominant you may have forgotten what it’s like to have your back up against the wall, when you know that you’re in a do or die situation, when you realize that you could very well lose Hell, you’ve been so dominant that it just MIGHT get inside your head, not that I need it to, in order to win, but still. What are you going to do when I push you BEYOND your absolute limit, Kayla? Beyond anything you anticipated coming from me. How are you going to respond when you realize that you’re in trouble, when you are threatened with losing that championship more than any time during our reign? Will you be able to rise to the occasion and push back hard enough to keep that title?
Are you willing to fucking go as far as putting my career in jeopardy if that’s what it takes to retain? I admit that outside of the ring, I don’t know your whole story. I only know what I’ve seen in the ring. But with how easy you’ve had it for the most part dating back to when you first came here, I KNOW you’re not as well versed with dealing with adversity as I am. Yes, you’ve had your moments where you fell short such as the three times you lost the Internet Championship. Yes, you’ve come back from that stronger and hungrier every time, but for the most part, your adversity has been losing that title three times and recently losing the tag titles and for a while, being passed over for a world title shot. That’s the curse of being so god damn dominant. Psychologically? Mentally? I feel like I’m the stronger of us! That phoenix in me has resurrected and it is burning brighter than ever and I am going to give you THE reason why you WILL be in some serious trouble at High Stakes and ultimately why I will be the one to dethrone you:
I wasn’t even at my BEST… not even CLOSE… during my first run.
You know my story. Everyone is aware of how Alicia handed me my first loss and started spiraling while hurting and hating myself and being at the mercy of the locker room that I allowed to get inside my head. And yet, despite the suffering I was going through, I STILL found a fucking way to even win that championship at all. Sure, it wasn’t the best reign ever. In fact, it was a big disappointment to me personally… or at least I saw it that way until recently when I realized that when you consider the personal torture I was going through mentally, I really shouldn’t have won the championship at all. I never gave myself the chance to be a champion and that’s a HUGE reason why I came back and wanted a second run. I didn’t believe in myself enough. I had no business even being in SCW after my father had passed and I got constantly embarrassed by Evie, and I suffered that humiliating I Quit loss to Crystal Hilton at High Stakes or any of that. Where most people would’ve and SHOULD’VE given up for their own mental health, I STAYED!
I FOUGHT through the fucking pain and the agony that was killing me inside while I was that horrible person that I used to be and while I was treating everyone else like shit. I KEPT GOING even after my father died, after I dealt with the torture and the bullshit of people that hated me and rooted for me to fail. I WON the Internet Championship being in all of that pain. I had that undefeated 2021. I had that 18 match winning streak. I kept finding a way to keep fucking fighting and to accomplish what I was able to accomplish in my first run dealing with the torture that would make 95% of wrestlers not just leave SCW, but be DONE with this business! Most wrestlers that lived through the hell that I lived through would’ve gotten the fuck out of wrestling, but I am not most wrestlers, Kayla. I am NOT your previous challengers! In a position where most wrestlers would be too broken to even lace up their boots again, I kept going and fighting. I won that Internet Championship tournament being in so much pain I developed a drinking problem, when I was at a point where I was about to hand in my resignation for my own sake with an eye on coming back only to be placed in that tournament before I could hand that resignation in.
I won and retained that championship for over 200 days and kept that streak going despite knowing in the back of my mind that I HAD to get out and fix myself. With a shattered heart and my mental health being completely cauterized, I DID ALL THAT! HOW? Because, to borrow a cliche phrase here… I AM HER! I am that woman that even at rock bottom, even when things are completely pitch black in darkness, I still fight my way through and I still find my way to create the absolute best for myself out of any given situation no matter how garbage it is so putting it all into that context Kayla, whatever you bring against me, whatever you say against me… knowing you can be cruel and callous to other people at times depending on your level of respect, or lack thereof… you won’t even come CLOSE to penetrating the strength that I have built up within me.
THAT’S the kind of challenger you have…
Of course, as you know, that shattered heart and cauterized mental health finally caught up with me and for my own sake, I had to leave. I don’t regret that. I fixed myself, got stronger, came back…
And here we are…
Fittingly, having to go through Alicia, my SCW-long kryptonite, to get here…
Fittingly in my own home state, in Tucson, where my first loss happened and when the snowball that led to my self-destruction here and that summer of hell that broke me for years…
After everything I’ve had to endure, everything I’ve had to learn, everything I had to do to make myself the best wrestler that I can be and to be better than I ever have been at any point in my career, NOW… unlike THEN when I was in that world title picture as early as I was…
I AM READY, Kayla!
I’m ready to be that world champion again and I’m ready to be the one that solves the Rubik's Cube that you have been in this division this entire year and regardless of the worst that you throw at me and whatever the fuck you want to say to me, I WILL pull through, I WILL endure and I WILL become, for the second time, the SCW Bombshells World Champion and that phoenix will be soaring all over again having risen from the ashes of years ago where I allowed myself to crumble and allowed other people to define my truth…
Everything I’ve worked for when I decided I was ready to come back will culminate with this world championship Kayla…
And come High Stakes, you’re about to cross the one dream that you can never kill…
With that, I wasted no time whatsoever going to my camera and shutting it of for the time being. I took a look around and glanced at the old memories of my first SCW run and felt a sense of pride knowing that I DID pull through despite everything that was weighing me down.
Now?
I was feeling like with NOTHING weighing me down, that the sky is truly the limit for me at High Stakes.