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Impossible
21th November 2024
OFF-Camera
I could hear her making her way through the house before she ever got to the study where Ridley and I were spending the evening throwing paint on the floor and pretending that it was a legitimate project. There was no telling what she was upset with me about, and to be totally fair it was usually my fault. I have never been, and will likely never be, the best partner, whether that be in life or in the ring. I was significantly better at taking care of all of the kids than I was taking care of a relationship, although I like to think that I was making positive strides this time around. I was certainly trying significantly harder than I have in all relationships of nightmare’s past.
MIKAH: You cannot be serious right now!
She burst through the door, and Ridley instinctively turned her way and knocked over a quarter-full can of yellow paint that splashed across the canvas laid out on the floor. She looked at me for help, and without turning back towards the door I scooped the fifteen-month old up into my arms and sat her down safely on the desk.
KRIS: Oh no! It appears I have fucked up.
Ridley’s head cocked to the side as if she actually heard and registered the phrase. That was the very last thing that I needed at this moment, regardless of how unlikely it would be that she picked up any of the worst words.
KRIS: Don’t repeat that! She’s already too close.
I pointed at her nose with a smile, which triggered the laugh that I wanted in response. However, I was not prepared for the ball of fury standing behind me.
MIKAH: Have you actually lost your mind, or is it some kind of act to annoy everyone, myself included?
Instead of turning back to her so that I could successfully read the room, I stayed focused on our daughter, posing the question to her.
KRIS: Can I go with both?
She laughed, and I scooped her back up into my arms so that when I turned to face Mikah the two of us could show a united front.
KRIS: Both.
Ridley laughed again, which may or may not have been from my preemptively tickling her side so that it appeared to happen on cue.
KRIS: We’re gonna go with both, final answer.
Unfortunately Mikah wasn’t buying the cute act. That must mean she was actually mad at me for something.
MIKAH: Why did you even bother going back to SCW if you weren’t going to take it seriously?
I rolled my eyes before I could stop myself. Even worse, childishly, I turned back to Ridley and whispered into her ear.
KRIS: Oh! This is about the tweet.
She found it less funny this time than she had the first time, and reached out to take Ridley from me. Ever the traitor, she reached out for her mother almost instantaneously, and never once looked back.
MIKAH: Now that we have taken care of that problem, wh--
I didn’t need her to rephrase her anger.
KRIS: Look, you are the one that burst in here all adamant about being mad. What’s the big deal? It’s not like you actually care either. I told everyone that I was back just to prove I could still g---
She had already heard this speech several times, and definitely wasn’t going to sit through another repeat showing.
MIKAH: Still what? Show up randomly just to lose?
I gasped, and it was only twenty percent more exaggerated than my actual feelings.
KRIS: That feels a little rude.
It may have only started out rude, but she wasn’t done yet either.
MIKAH: It’s not like you are doing much of anything else. You have gotten these two big opportunities, and it’s like you don’t even care. You were desperate to go back, but now it’s like you could care less. If you really don’t give a shit, then why do it? Do you just want an excuse to bail every couple of weeks?
I could understand her anger, but I wasn’t going to let her reshape the narrative that I was just trying to get away from her either. That couldn’t be further from the truth, and she knew that.
KRIS: Bail? More often than not we all go together. I didn’t realize that you were taking the wins and losses so personally. It’s not like you are standing next to me in the ring anymore.
She wasn’t going to let me throw that in her face, regardless of how true it was.
MIKAH: You said that you didn’t want me to!
I shrugged, not willing to take all of the credit for her pseudo-retirement.
KRIS: You said that you were more than happy to never go back to competing. I wasn’t going to drag you back if it wasn’t what you wanted.
However, given our history, maybe that was exactly what she had expected me to do. That would at least make sense as to why she was so angry with me for fucking it up without her.
MIKAH: You had no problem doing that before!
We always came back to this exact point in every argument. Everyone is so quick to point out how much of a fuck up I used to be, and how together I have my life now. Yet, they somehow want me to be both simultaneously.
KRIS: I was a lot more selfish then.
She rolled her eyes at me, as if she wasn’t asking for something that was impossible.
MIKAH: Yeah well, maybe you need to figure out how to do that again. It’s hard to watch you go out there and fall on your face each and every time. It’s even worse when you come back home afterwards and you couldn’t care less about what happened. That’s not who you are, and I can’t figure out any reason why you would want to put yourself through that unless you were really trying to get away from us down here.
I gave her a final defeated shrug, and lowered my voice. I couldn’t keep debating it with her. I didn’t know what she wanted me to do about any of it. There was no answer.
KRIS: That’s not it.
She turned her back, and started to walk out the door. She didn’t so much as look over her shoulder at me before issuing what sounded like a thinly veiled ultimatum of sorts.
MIKAH: Well then you need to figure out whatever it is….
Sure, I’ll get right on creating the impossible….
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Not Impossible, Miraculous.
November 22th, 2024
OFF-Camera
I hadn’t even gotten to enjoy my last night before the craziness started. Last year I spent the entire week in Seattle complaining about the fact that we would have all had significantly more having Thanksgiving in Hawaii. The weather wouldn’t have been as harsh. There would be more space for everyone. Best yet, I wouldn’t have had to travel for it at all. I could always hire someone to handle the mess, so making the rest of the family make the trip down was the best possible win-win. That was before I made the decision to go back to Sin City. That was before everything down here started to spiral apart. As it stood, Mikah hadn’t talked to me since our argument, and everyone was already filling in slowly but surely. That meant that whatever it was that she really wanted to say to me was going to have to wait until the very next moment she got me alone. I just needed to make sure that didn’t happen until after High Stakes at the very earliest. I needed the chance to get things back on track first. It is a good thing that I knew the one person that I could place myself next to that would force Mikah to keep her distance, and he was one of the first people through the door.
KRIS: You know Thanksgiving is still like a whole week away, right?
Jason, Holdan and Max had been the first three to show up. Heather, Kali and the kids weren’t expected for another couple of hours, and everyone else would show up in the coming days. Holdan and Max didn’t even cross the threshold into the house before disappearing to go on adventures. That made my oldest sibling the easiest target.
JASON: You say that like we all weren’t going to be at High Stakes with you anyways. At least this way we are already settled for when we get back and we just get to enjoy the week….
Somehow I should have known my plan to not travel for Thanksgiving was going to backfire on me. This going back to Sin City thing was the gift that kept kicking me in the ass.
KRIS: ...if you say so.
I guess he finally picked up on the fact that I wasn’t exactly thrilled about any part of our current situation, and turned his full attention to me.
JASON: You know, I can’t help but notice that usually you are always the one trying to pull everyone together for these things. Why is it that you look the least happy about it now? That’s usually my thing.
I knew that I couldn’t exactly blow it off, or he would just keep poking and prodding at me until I gave him an answer that sounded close enough to the truth. It was easiest to just give him what he wanted.
KRIS: It’s just a lot more pressure. Everyone being around all week makes me feel like High Stakes has to go my way or I really start the week on a sour note.
He laughed, as if the words that came out of my mouth were the most ridiculous thing that he had ever heard me say.
JASON: Why is that something that you are even thinking about?
I shrugged.
KRIS: Nobody’s really hiding their concerns.
I gestured out to the house, hoping that he would catch the meaning that it wasn’t just the people physically here, but also just everyone in general. It didn’t really feel like I had anyone in my corner anymore. Everyone thought I was wrong one way or another. Jason seemed surprised that it was something that I was spending any kind of time on though.
JASON: When has that ever mattered to you?
I snapped. It was exactly the kind of thing that Mikah kept softly tossing at me in these arguments. There was no way for me to give anyone what they wanted, and I was tired of them asking me for it.
KRIS: Now! It matters now! What is it that none of you people can understand about that? I am not that person you guys keep comparing me to anymore. I grew up. Better late than never, right? I can’t just flip a switch and go back five years, nor should anyone expect me to. You guys hated that person. Why is it something everyone keeps throwing in my face like it is something to aspire to?
I took a deep breath, but Jason looked at me unphased by any of my words.
JASON: Do you feel better now?
I shook my head, and lied.
KRIS: No…
He laughed, understanding that I simply wasn’t willing to give him the satisfaction of saying that he was right. It didn’t really matter anyways. He already knew it, and always did.
JASON: If I had to guess, it’s just because everything you’ve been doing feels so disingenuous. It’s like you’re trying your hardest to be on your very best behavior. You’re doing all of the right things. You’re saying all of the right things. But that hasn’t been who you have ever been. It feels, cheap.
However, that also felt like an unfair critique.
KRIS: Don’t I have to be? I don’t want the kids watching me go out there and make an ass of myself.
He countered my point so quickly and effortlessly that he didn’t even have time to process my excuse before turning it back on me.
JASON: You want them to watch you go out there and keep losing?
I opened my mouth to respond angrily, but slammed it closed and forced myself to take a deep breath first. I was tired of people thinking that any of that mattered. It didn’t.
KRIS: I don’t think my attitude has anything to do with what I can and can’t do in the ring anymore. It shouldn’t matter that J2H and his buddies didn’t get a rise out of me. It shouldn’t matter that I have been able to shrug off a couple of bad nights. I can either keep up with those guys in the ring, or I can’t. Nothing else really matters.
For the first time, he actually looked like my words offended him. He shook his head and his tone became increasingly lecturing.
JASON: Everything else matters, and you used to know that. It’s not just what you say, but how you say it. It is the reason that people latched onto you. It is why the crowd still cheered you at your worst. It used to be honest, and that shit really gets into people’s heads. You had that infectious ‘Kris Aura’ that people couldn’t help but like. It was confidence, and lately you just haven’t had it.
I tried to blow him off, even if I could kind of start to see the point he was trying to make.
KRIS: I like who I am now. I don’t see a problem with it.
He was undeterred.
JASON: You should. This is just some shit that you have invented after what happened at Jet City, and I get it. You nearly died. You had to make some hard decisions for yourself, and for the kids. You needed to be a more grown up Kris while you were here. You couldn’t be selfish. You couldn’t just tell everyone how you really felt. You learned how to bottle that shit up for the first time in your life, but that’s the problem. That’s the shit that you need when you step into the ring. Those are the feelings you need to drive you. That is the confidence that you used to get into people’s heads. It is what made you unstoppable there for a minute or so. You even beat me.
I knew that the compliment was little more than pandering to me so that I would be more receptive to what he was trying to tell me, but that didn’t mean that I had to accept it.
KRIS: Well, you were already old.
He countered again, like he had spent time rehearsing exactly how he was going to drag me through this conversation. I was starting to feel set up.
JASON: ...and you had something to prove. You really let me have it. You tore into me, and then literally beat me into the ground because you wanted the top spot.
Even though I could see what he was doing now, it was a pleasant memory. We had to beg Mark and Christian to let it happen. I was one of my favorite Climax Control moments though, and having my arm raised at the end of that night set me on the path that took me to the Hall of Fame.
KRIS: That was fun.
That was when he realized that he had won the argument. The moment that I agreed with him, he knew that he had me in the palm of his hand.
JASON: Yeah, a lot more fun than I have seen you have in a long time. I think that’s kind of what Mikah has been trying to tell you, in her own way.
I couldn’t take it back now either. However, I didn’t have to give Mikah the credit for it either.
KRIS: Well she didn’t say it like that…
He shrugged that off and clapped and hand down on my shoulder.
JASON: Well I have had twenty more years of practice than her.
I nodded, but had a slight addendum of my own.
KRIS: ...and she’s mean.
Jason nodded with me without a moment of hesitation. On that much, we had always agreed. We were lucky that most of the time she was on our side, because we’d be no match for her otherwise.
JASON: That she is.
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>Two-Time
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”In my career I have been lucky enough to take part in more than a handful of moments that are etched in this company’s history forever….”
’There are some that stick out more than others. Getting inducted into the Hall of Fame is probably number one. Winning the Roulette and World Heavyweight Championships on the same night at Full Circle is up there close to the top. Holding the Mixed Tag Team and World Heavyweight Championships together, albeit just for a second, is pretty special as well…”
”...and I can feel some of the people on the Sin City roster already rolling their eyes. I can already hear the judgments that they are making. For the audacity of mentioning some of my shining moments, I will be met with groans. People will say that I am trying to coast off the good ol’ days. To those people, I say shut the fuck up, take a seat, and give me a chance to finish. Believe it or not, I am actually on your side. For years I have touted my long list of accomplishments in this industry. Let’s face it, I have done it all. I have been all in, up, down, inside and all around every part of this company. I have won every championship. I have beaten most of the people that there are to beat; and no, I haven’t forgotten about Carter. We’ll get there. That’s not the point right now. ”
”What I have come to realize now, is that nothing that I can say is impressive anymore. The Hall of Fame is growing every single year, and let’s face it, there aren’t always enough of the ‘best-of-the-best’ left to have a worthwhile show. Each year we scrape closer to the bottom of the barrel, or we see people getting inducted that still have the best parts of their careers still ahead of them. Not to mention that Finn and Kayla went on to show the world how effortlessly carrying multiple championships can look for months on end. The records that I set with the Roulette Championship have been broken. Reckless Elite has been replaced as the top team in this company’s history. There are more than a handful of Grand Slam Champions, and even more Triple Crown winners. Despite how amazing my resume is, it has been done by so many others that it isn’t impressive anymore. So many others have been there, and done that…”
”...and it is not just that. I would be a fool to say that I haven’t noticed the way that people talk about me. Nobody thinks that I should be back. People think that I am phoning it in. They say that I don’t have it anymore. Most of my opponents have said that my best days are behind me. Most of them look at a match with me as a marquee win to add to their own resume. It isn’t exactly the easiest thing in the world to not let that kind of thing grate on you. It isn’t exactly easy to carry around that weight, especially when you look around and see all of your records falling and accomplishments being surpassed. I can see myself being marginalized in the history of this company. I could see myself fading back into the crowd, and once again becoming a nobody. I wasn’t sure that I could push through it. I wasn’t sure how I could pull myself out of it. I needed something big. I needed something to open everyone’s eyes. In the long and storied history of this company, I needed the impossible. I needed a miracle: something heretofore unseen. If everyone was joining me on my level, I needed to raise the bar.”
”....and there is only one way to do that…”
”....there is one thing left in this company that nobody has done. There is one accomplishment that I could reach out and steal for myself right this very moment. Not only could I be the first, but for however long it lasted, I could be the ONLY two-time Grand Slam Champion. There is one last way to separate myself from the crowd, and prove that I am, and have always been, so much better than just about everyone else.”
”...and maybe that is exactly the kind of push that I have been looking for since I have been back. I mean, it is not like I haven’t heard the rumblings. I have seen the sideways glances. I have heard the chatter. I ignored the social media posts. Everyone on the roster thinks that I have been handed this opportunity. They don’t think that I have earned it, but these are the same people that think I was handed a match with Finn for the World Heavyweight Championship. They’ll ignore that I won the little Proving Grounds tournament. They’ll disregard that I actually managed to lay Finn out, and pin his shoulders to the mat for a three count. Week-after-week I have to listen to people say that I haven’t done enough since coming back to earn my place back in this company, and I have consistently bit my tongue.”
”I have looked the other way. I had matches with Miles and LJ Kasey that were crowd favorites. I traded a couple of really weird matches with Felix. For a guy that was never supposed to step back into the six-sided Sin City ring, I think I have done pretty well for myself since coming back. I think that taking the top champion of this company to his limit speaks enough for itself. I think J2H, Kevin Carter, and Alexander Raven laying me out showed that I was worth sending a message to at the very least. Of course there have been some missteps. I have never been perfect, but the handful of matches that I have had this year don’t change who I am, or what my place is in this company. The fact is, I could have come in like so many big names, and demanded the shit that I wanted. I could have had this match with Carter months ago if I really felt it necessary to throw my weight around. I have earned that much in the years that I have put in here, and both Mark and Christian understand that I won’t let them down when it comes to what I am capable of in the ring. I am marketable. I make people spend their money to come to the show. I always have. I always will. If you don’t believe me, ask either of them. The check is blank, and I am welcome to cash it anytime that I want.”
”...but I didn’t do any of that. I wanted to go about all of this the right way. I wanted to work my way through some of the new guys that I never got the chance to step into the ring against while I was busy teaming with Mikah. Other than my match with Finn, I have carried through on that promise, and there is not one single person that I have stepped in the ring with that I haven’t beaten at least once. If that isn’t ‘earning my spot’ I don’t know what you people want from me. The entire reason that I came back to Sin City was to eventually get a shot at the Internet Championship, and I have been incredibly patient.”
”...it has been nine years since I last held the Internet Championship…”
”It was the first championship that I ever held in this company, and I was only the third ever person to hold it. I was a different person then. I had a different, dumber name. I was a nobody, and I was desperate to prove that I was the type of competitor that was good enough to carry this company. All of those things that are on my resume now were empty boxes on a checklist back then. I think I only managed to hang onto it for a couple of months before Despayre took it from me, I got hurt, and I was gone for a while. I never got my chance to get it back from him. To be totally honest, I don’t remember ever getting another shot at the Internet Championship after that ever again. I ended up in the Roulette division forever, and then after that everything was either Reckless Elite or World Heavyweight Championships.”
”A few years ago, before I made my way all the way through the roster and back to the World Heavyweight Championship, I made it a point to go through the names of everyone that had ever beaten me. I started taking out the blemishes in my history one at a time. I started righting all of the wrongs, and winning all of the matches that I had lost. Most people look at that as the absolute peak of my career, but one thing that I was never able to fix in that history was the fact that I am not one of the great Internet Champions. I had one of the first handful of opportunities to make that championship something special, and for the only time in my career, I failed. I made something of every other championship that I held. I created history, but I thought that window had closed.”
”I never thought that I would be in a position in my career for Mark and Christian to take me seriously as a challenger for the Internet Championship. I always figured I was either going to be stuck in the main events, or nothing, so it never bugged me that I never got this chance before now. However, if it is right here in front of me, I would be an idiot not to take it. I didn’t demand this opportunity. I was asked about it, and I responded. I put out the option, and people jumped at the chance. Suddenly, seeing Kris Ryans as the Internet Champion didn’t seem like a bad idea to anyone. It seemed like common sense. It felt right. It is the last piece of my puzzle, and the doorway to the next level of my greatness.”
”...but I guess that says almost as much about Carter as it does about me. Not only was he the one to topple Peter Vaughn, but he hasn’t really slowed down since. Like me, he has had a match with Finn where he came so close to putting the top champion in this company down for good. He has been a success as a tag team specialist. He has proven he can hold his own in the ring by himself. He has elevated that Internet Championship to a point where he can step into the ring with a Hall of Famer and look like he belongs. I wish, for all of your sake, that there was something about him that I didn’t like, but there isn’t. I respect what he can do inside the ring. I am entertained by the person that he seems to be outside of the ring. He was on the shortlist of people that I wanted to step into the ring with when I started really taking this comeback seriously, and this opportunity checks too many boxes for me to pass it up. ”
”So my only problem with Carter is that he is in my way. He is in my way of making history, and once again separating myself from everyone that has ever stepped through the ropes of a Sin City ring. I deserve to be the one. I have earned it over years of giving everything that I have to this company. I have struggled. I have fallen, but I have come back stronger and better every single time. There is nothing else that I can do in this company bigger than winning this match at High Stakes. There is no stage, no championship, no main event, no opponent bigger than this match with Carter. There is no bigger moment of my career, than what I stand to accomplish on Sunday night, and unfortunately Carter is going to find himself at the wrong place, at the wrong time. There is nothing that I won’t do to win. There is no chance that I will leave Tucson without the SCW Internet Championship. It has been too long since I have made history in this company. People have forgotten that every Sin City highlight reel used to be my goddamn biography. Kris is SCW. SCW is KRIS! And it always will be!”
”It’s past time for everyone to come to their senses.”
”It’s time for me to make them remember who I am.”
