Under the Bridge
Wisdom of the Troll
Immediate closeup of the Troll’s face as the camera for his vlog is turned on and he sits back in his comfortable yet outdated desk chair that has seen better days. He clasps his hands on the surface of his folding table desk and wears a cocky smile on his face.
Troll: Hey, yo! It’s your boy, da Troll! You know, I’m not usually the sort to apologize when I’m wrong, and I never apologize when I’m right, but I figure since you people out there are my peeps and have been good to me as my loyal viewers, I’m going to give you all a bit of a treat today. I…
He points toward himself with a thumb.
Troll: … Am going to apologize to…
He twirls a forefinger around and points right into the camera.
Troll: … You! And just why am I being such a nice guy? Because I meant to have this special vlog for my match against Lucky the Leprechaun - otherwise known as O’Malley - days ago. That’s right, you know the guy! The coward who is in cahoots with Mark Ward and Christian Underwood to **air quotes** return to SCW and attack me
COMPLETELY unprovoked at High Stakes! That loser and his equally loser wife clearly can’t take a joke so he jumps me from behind and guess what! While everyone usually celebrates a great show with drinks at a club, yours truly had to spend most of the night at a hospital! By the time I got released and went to the club to join in on the fun, everyone was gone! Probably knew that if O’Malley were there, I would have taught him a lesson! Injured or not! And then they go behind my back and sign me to a match against that painted up hussy - O’Malley, not Darcy - not even bothering to tell me he had resigned in the first place!
The Troll shakes his head.
Troll: The blatant disrespect around here is sickening! But that’s enough time wasted on that fool. I just wanted to explain why it took me so long to even dignify O’Malley’s very existence. But you see? I’ve been busy with my new lady friend!
The Troll nods with a cocky, self-satisfied smile on his face and does the RVD thumbs pose.
Troll: That’s right! Your boy, da Troll, has a social life!
**THUD! THUD! THUD!**Mom: DID YOU SAY SOMETHING GABRIEL!?
The Troll closes his eyes and sighs. Yep! We didn’t have to wait long this time, did we? Okay, we all know the real reason why people tune into the vlog from this human wart, and she wasted no time in making her appearance known - so to speak. The Troll opens his eyes and looks ‘up’.
Troll: No, Ma! I was talking to all my fans and admirers!
Mom: Oh well FINE, then! If you don’t want to tell me who you were really talking to, then that’s just fine by me!
Troll: Ma…!
Mom: I spend all day up here all by myself. Far be it for me to try and interfere in your life and just want to know what’s going on in the life of my baby boy!
Troll: I was telling them about Kitty, ma!
Mom: KITTY!? Oh
HELL NO, Gabriel Thomas Wank! You are NOT bringing a pussy into this house!
The Troll stared into the camera and mouthed ‘pussy?’.
Mom: You know I am deathly allergic! Your father - God rest his soul - tried bringing a pussy into my home and I itched for days!
The Troll, still staring into the camera, arched an eyebrow and got a weirded out look on his face.
Mom: My doctor told me to wash it to help with the itching and it smelled weird until it dried off! Your father had to hold it in front of a space heater for...
Troll: Ma….
Mom: It made for a great guard animal, I admit that! At the least sign of danger and that pussy's hair stood right on end!
Troll: MA!!Mom: Yes darling?
Troll: I wasn’t talking about a cat, Ma! I was talking about my girlfriend!
Dead silence.
Mom: Your what?
Troll: I said I have a
GIRLFRIEND, Ma!
Dead silence. Followed by….
THUD!!!!The Troll jumps up from his chair and tears off his headphones.
Troll: Ma!?
MA!!!And he runs as fast as he can upstairs….!
