Cracks
Beep bop boop beep
The ringing tone of the Skype call sound echoes through the hotel room. Alicia blinks a few times, her long blond hair everywhere as she puts one of her legs up onto the chair, a long sleeved oversized Metallica shirt and a pair of small denim shorts on her body as a cup of fresh coffee sits in front of her. The noise keeps going, over and over again. But there is no pickup, Alicia tilts her head, the call ends.
Not Available
She lets out a sigh, pushing off the glass table moving around and running her hands through her head, she looked at her phone, nothing. The silence around her was deafening. The pressure of the room, the walls closing in. Alicia sat down on the end of the couch, her elbows on her knees, her phone in her hands. She opened it, flicking down the list of contacts, facebook messenger, whatsapp, a wolfslair group chat. But there was nothing she could say, even though she had so much she wanted to say. She hated this, all of it. Being away from home, away from her sons, away from her friends. She had her sister, she had the other few members of Wolfslair that had made the India trip. But Miles and Zoey were too busy at the various gyms in every hotel stop, trying to outwork each other before getting food and drink upon drink.
This was the first time in a long time she felt alone. Not just alone, lonely. For most of Alicias life she was around people. Her mother, her brother and sister, then various gyms and other wrestlers. Her relationships, from Chris Cane, to Kaden Kessler, Travis Blake….Michael….
They had always been around her. Even as her relationship ended she still had her sons, she still had Wolfslair.
But now, in a foreign land, without Alex, who was still injured, without Austin who had all but disappeared aside from a few disturbing social media posts following his wife’s tragic death. No Johanna, Alicia found herself even missing the angry German who had been a vicious piece of the puzzle. Out of the original four, the group of Wolfslair not just the gym, she was the final one. She was the one waving the flag, but it was a flag that had faded. Finn Whelan was a part of Wolfslair, Zoey, Miles, Lachlan. All members of the gym but none of them were part of the group.
That was dead and gone.
Buried.
And it had not gone out with a bang. No grand war, no final match where all four of them stood together. It just faded away. She felt it slip and disappear, and there was nothing she could do about it. No changes she could make, no great speech she could give. It was gone. But she hadn’t had time to grieve or mourn the end of it. Until now. Not until she had these quiet moments full of silence sitting alone in an Indian hotel room. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath until a voice startled her.
”Need to talk?”
Alicias eyes sprung open. She looked around, it was the familiar voice of Dr Whitlow. She shook her head, breathing fast as her heart beat started to raise up and move faster, the tempo only matched by the pressure. ”No…no no no no” Her hands started to shake, her body followed, she stood up and paced back and forth. She didn’t want to go down that rabbit hole again, she didn’t want her mind to break and fracture. She didn’t need this pressure. She didn’t need the pain and fear that came with it.
She looked back over at her ope laptop, the small red notification from skype popped up on the icon down near the task bar. She walked over, it was from Alex. She sighed and closed her eyes pressing the icon to call back. The familiar tone, followed by a pickup, on the other end was Alex. He sat in his home office, it was dark outside there, she swallowed hard, forgetting the time difference between them. ”Hey Kid, you ok?”
She swallowed hard, her voice was shaky with her breathing. ”Uh…I don’t know…” She looked down, Alex stayed quiet but he let out a small sigh, he knew something was wrong, he always did. But he always knew when to stay quiet or offer advice, when to push or when to sit back. Alicia shook her head and looked up. ”I just, I feel myself failing…like…failing…as in, I don’t know if I’m even meant to do this anymore.”
Alex just tilted his head and smirked. ”Why?”
Alicia shook her head again and threw her hands up. Almost not believing the question. She cleared her throat and laughed nervously. ”Why?” Alicia turned and [ushed up again pacing back and forth. Her hands fidgeting as she moved around. ”In the last few months I lost to Vargas, to Steele and to Angelos. An over the hill old woman who had never beaten me till that point, now she won’t shut up about it, a never was who spends more time playing rockstar than wrestling and a kid who couldn’t buy a win….and you ask Why?”
Alex shook his head and laughed, Alicia narrowed her eyes and looks right at him. But Alex’s voice raises.”Yeah, why? For years all I have heard out of you is how bad you wanted the Bombshells division to rise up to your level. So now Vargas finds her pride, Steele finds her balls and Angelos steps up and you’re upset about it?”
”Yeah I-”
”You what?...” Alex interrupted. His eyes burning right through Alicias laptop screen. ”You wanted this division to stand up and challenge you, you wanted this. And now here we are. Everyone has stepped up their game, everyone has gotten better. So, now it’s your turn…” He shakes his head and laughs to himself. ”Are you going to just walk away? Or are you going to do what you have been telling EVERY SINGLE OTHER WRESTLER to do the last four years and step up?”
Alicia went silent. The upset and fear she had seemed to melt away and what was left, was shame. Shame that she let a few losses do this to her, shame that she let herself get so petty, and shame for allowing it to spill over onto social media like she had. She closed her eyes and took a breath before nodding. ”Ok, you’re right. I just…I’m going stir crazy. Everything has been spiraling, everything has been just…failing…”
Her voice faded out, Alex swallowed hard and leaned forward with a heavy sigh as if he could feel the pressure of everything he said as well as realising how Alicia felt. ”This isn’t just about the matches is it?......” She stayed silent but shook her head. ”Ok….this is, hard, for everyone. The state of the gym as well as what is happening with some of our members…I get it…and I get you feel alone…but none of us abandoned you.” His voice broke, Alicia swallowed and looked up. ”I’m always here, no matter what….”
He smiled, Alicia took a deep breath and smiled back with a nod. ”Thanks Alex…I’ll see you…and everyone else..when I get back..”
Life is like a box of Candy
”First thing is first…congratulations to Ariana on beating me a few weeks ago.She earned it, she stepped up when I asked her to and she showed the world she is more than just a name on a list. Or a member of the Go gym. Ariana could have a future here. So, I hope after that win, that she can continue her upward swing….”
Alicia swallows and shakes her head trying to pull it all together.
”But, that is for her sake. Not mine. See, Vargas beat me and seemingly won’t let anyone forget about it through various means and ego stroking. And now she gets a little shot out of it. Good for her. Along with Seleana Zdunich. Hey, that’s great, I hope one of them wins it instead of both of them failing like Kate Steele did. And I get it, it’s rich coming from me but this is the issue and an indicative point of context that needs to be said. Women who have been able to beat me get opportunities. And I have been sitting around, thinking about this for a while and I suppose I should be honored right? Being looked at as some kind of semi final boss that stands in the way of others before they can take on the big bad of SCW…”
“I could sit back and enjoy the fact I am seen as the measuring stick of the bombshells division. Or, I can rebuild who I once was. And I get it, I do, I have had a career that so many others would envy. World titles, reigns that have become the stuff of legend. I dominated Honor, I dominated WWH and I dominated here. And after all that I am still looked at with respect and I appreciate that. I could just fade away and be happy with my “spot” But, I see others who have done that. Other women and men who once dominated their respective divisions and now just simply…exist…”
“I am not about that life.”
“I have often talked about Roxi Johnson, and some of it hasn’t been very positive. I have talked about how her whole happy, smiley “hero” character is nothing but a fake bullshit mask that hides the real selfish bitch behind it, and I will stand by my words there. However. She is a woman who could have done what I just suggested. She could have come back to SCW and played the role of respected veteran, having a nice paycheck, a nice spot. That isn’t what happened….”
Alicia smiles and shakes her head, adjusting her shirt as it sits under a black leather biker jacket.
”Roxi didn’t rest on her laurels, she returned, she dominated and is a world champion again. I respect that. I respect what she has done, I respect what she has been capable of. And it is something that I hope to emulate, I just don’t know how. See, in the past when I’ve lost, I’ve gone home, I’ve dissected it and thought about it, I have done everything I can to break down my mistakes and screw ups. And I have risen above it. But lately, lately it hasn’t worked. I have done everything I can to rise above my failures and…I’ve just failed more….”
“So maybe, just maybe I need to change my ideas, change my style, change my attitude. Get back to basics and start from the bottom, and work my way up.”
“And to be honest with all of you, there is no one closer to the bottom, than Candy.”
She laughs and moves her hand through her long blonde hair with a sigh.
”Oh little Candy. It seems as if we have both been sliding down the totem pole of relevancy isn’t it? Oddly enough the last time you and I mattered to this company and this division was when we faced each other. What fun that was eh Candy? You used the glitter, I pretended I was blind because, lets face it, the glitter is a brilliant but incredibly underhanded tactic. And I questioned whether or not you were a secret evil genius pretending to be a moron to get all the fans and management on your side. But, I believe I have the answer to that. I believe you’re an idiot. I believe you are a candy coated dip shit that rain mans her way through life.”
“You are, the wrestling Forrest Gump.”
“The wrestling I am Sam.”
“And whenever someone calls you out on it, you have your husband Marcus say evil mean things about them because you are to cowardly to say any of these things yourself. The worst thing I have ever heard you say is calling people a “meanie head”. You are a grown woman who spends her days with a man who spends more time on his body than he does on your marriage and a fluffball dog that has a higher IQ than you.”
“And now you are coming back to face me again. You are two and zero against me in the last year Candy. Twice this year you did everything you could to beat me and twice you failed.”
Alicia shrugs and paces back and forth.
”Of course, you could beat me. Somehow. But while Vargas, Steele and Angelos turned their wins over me into something you wouldn’t. See, aside from a few Roulette title wins you have had a career that can be described as mediocre. And that’s honestly all you are. Mediocre. Mediocre in the ring, on the mic and as a GM you sucked. You came up with the stupidest most mind numbing matches any of us had ever seen. And here’s the thing Candy, I don’t blame you. Getting angry at you for doing something mind numbingly dumb would be like getting angry at a dog pissing on your floor…”
“And I have already rubbed your nose in it twice and tossed you out the fucking door.”
“And I find myself needed to do it again. I find myself in need of a win, in need of a restart. And as I said, I’ve hit rock bottom Candy, and so have you. All we heard from management was “Candy is coming back” and after all the build and people talking, you arrived, you got in the ring and you failed. You failed miserably. Yeah just like I have over the last month or so, but Alicia Lukas is not a joke, I am not going to be the gatekeeper or the measuring stick of the SCW womens division. I am going to be the comeback story of 2022. The returning hero, the goddamn beast I used to be. I will scratch and claw my way back to the top and I will step on whoever I need to. And that starts with you…”
