THIS MATCH IS A GIFT TO ME
Narrator: Bea has a match at Climax Control 329 against Andrea Hernandez at Climax Control 329. This assignment to this match came when Keira Fisher was unable to make her assignment to this match against Andrea Hernandez so Management asked Bea to take the spot. In my conversation with her before coming on camera to give you my lead-in comments Bea’s upcoming match Bea told me she never takes an opportunity lightly and she takes full advantage of gifts like this assignment.
IRIS GETS GROOMED TO SHOW OFF FOR PETE THE CACTUS
The scene opens at HOT DOGS AND COOL CATS pet grooming salon in Rhodes, Greece. We see Bea walking into the salon with Iris her English Bulldog. While waiting to be served Bea has a talk with Iris.
Bea: Iris I brought you here to the pet grooming salon as I’m having you cleaned up so you look good and smell good so when Pete the Cactus sees you he’ll go ever more crazy over you than he normally does.
Iris: Arf! Woof! Growl! Grumble! (Translation: I don’t want a bath! Pete loves me the way I am so why do I have to take a bath and get groomed and have perfume sprayed onto me?)
Bea: I knew you would be excited about this grooming trip! Here’s your groomer now. Have fun Iris and I’ll be back in a few hours.
Iris: Growl! Grumble! Snarl! (Translation: I’ll show you what fun is when you take me home after this grooming appointment! Just wait!)
Bea leaves the HOT DOGS AND COOL CATS pet grooming and she heads off to the Diagoras Stadium where she is scheduled to present her comments for Climax Control 329.
BEA AT DIAGORAS STADIUM
Bea has arrived at the Diagoras Stadium and she is met by a camera crew waiting for her in front of the wrestling ring where the matches for Climax Control 329 will take place. The camera crew informs Bea they are going live broadcasting in thirty seconds and Bea stands ready to present her comments. When they give Bea the signal they are broadcasting she launches into her comments.
P’S AND F’S
Bea: As most of you know, unless you.re a moron like my upcoming opponent Andrea Hernandez, I’m from the Philippines. Unlike most Filipinos I’m well educated and talented so I don’t come across as a fool as many of those from the Philippines do. For your viewing enjoyment I’ll present to you a comedy routine that was performed by the comedian Buddy Hackett. Being from the Philippines I appreciate how this particular comedy routine is done. Also when you take into consideration that Buddy Hackett often performed this on live television had he slipped up just once the censors and the Federal Communications Commission would have brought lawsuits against those involved. I’ll have the Network present a short video of Buddy Hackett performing his comedy skit he calls LEO THE FILIPINO.
The network brings up the video of Buddy Hackett performing his LEO THE FILIPINO skit.
Leo the Filipino: Buddy I’m pucking fissed off!
Buddy Hackett: Why are you so upset Leo? I’ve never seen you this upset before.
Leo the Filipino: I’m upset because the foliceman gave me a pucking farking ticket!
Buddy Hackett: Everyone gets a parking ticket now and then so there’s really no need to be so upset. What happened to cause you to get the parking ticket?
Leo the Filipino: I farked my car in front of that sign over there and when the Foliceman saw my car parked there he gave me a Farking ticket stating I illegally parked in a no-farking zone. Now I’m upset so I start arguing with the Foliceman. I asked him WHY DID YOU GIVE ME A PUCKING FARKING TICKET? I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS A NO FARKING ZONE! MY GIRLFRIEND TOLD ME TO FARK AND CAR THERE AND I DID WHAT SHE SAID. Then when the Foliceman told me I have to pay the $50 fine for illegally Farking my car in I got so upset I went off on the Foliceman. I demanded to know WHY DID YOU GIVE ME THE PUCKING FARKING TICKET WHEN I DIDN’T KNOW I WAS FARKING THE CAR IN AN ILLEGAL FLACE? CAN’T YOU HAVE COMPASSION AND TAKE BACK YOUR PUCKING FARKING TICKET?
Buddy Hackett: What happened after you said that to the policeman?
Leo the Filipino: He wrote me another ticket for arguing and insulting him and the second ticket cost me an additional $100.
Buddy Hackett: Well you learned a valuable lesson that day Leo. Don’t argue with the police.
Leo the Filipino: Puck that pucking bullshit!
The short video from Buddy Hackett ends and we return to a shot of Bea in front of the wrestling ring.
BEA’S HISTORY AGAINST ANDREA HERNANDEZ
Bea: As I stated I don’t transpose P’s and F’s like Leo the Filipino did, as I’m highly educated and intelligent. However it is a funny comedy routine and one slip-up would be a disaster. I was assigned to face Andrea Hernandez at Climax Control 329 because Keira Fisher was unable to make her assignment to that match. So, Andrea, what are your thoughts about me being assigned to this match instead of Keira? I mean, come on, let it out, tell us how you feel having a reasonable reign as Internet Champion then April 3, 2022, you lost the Internet Championship to Masque De Lune? Nobody enjoys losing a Championship so I’m sure you feel bad, sad, and disappointed, but you should manage to hold another Championship some day. Suck it up and move on.
Bea pauses to take a drink of water then she continues with her comments.
Bea: Before you say something about our history against each other I’ll take the opportunity to inform the viewers so you don’t have to waste your breath. We’ve met in the ring only once Andrea and I admit you won that match by pinfall. But for the education of the viewers I need to state the facts so when you make all your claims they’ll know the truth. When we met on February 2, 2020, at Climax Control 260, that was only my third match as a wrestler. I was new to the sport and you, having a bit more experience, got the win in that match. We haven’t met in the ring since that time. Maybe you fail to take into consideration that a lot has happened in two years and two months since our first match with each other. Maybe you forget that at one point in your wrestling career you were a rookie and had to take a lot of hard knocks before you got up and took charge. Whether you forgot all of that from your beginner days, or you just care to ignore the truth, so be it. The truth is that you are facing me, not Keira, and I plan on impressing the world so they’ll see I’m deserving of a shot at the Internet Championship, and other Championships, here in Sin City Wrestling. If you wish to take me lightly it’s your loss.
Bea informs the camera crew she needs to pick Iris up at the HOT DOGS AND COOL CATS groomers and that she’ll return later to air more comments for her upcoming match. They cut their feed to the network and our screen goes dark.
RETURN TO HOT DOGS AND COOLS CATS GROOMERS TO GET IRIS
The scene comes on our screen and we see Bea Barnhart in the lobby of HOT DOGS AND COOL CATS groomers in Rhodes. She is waiting for Iris to be brought out. When Iris comes out Bea is excited to see Iris need and clean, with her hair trimmed, wearing numerous bows and a bandana, and she smells of expensive doggy perfume. The look on the face of Iris is enough to let us know she didn’t want a bath but she had no choice.
Bea: IRIS! You look stunning and you smell great! Wait until Pete the Cactus sees you looking and smelling great!
Iris: Grumble! Snort! Growl! Howl! (Translation: I’ll give you something to smell when we return to our hotel room!)
Bea: On our way to our hotel I have a special surprise for you. We’ll stop by a restaurant that is pet friendly and I’ll buy lunch for you and Pete the Cactus, then we can finish is off with ice cream for you two, then we will return to our hotel room so you and Pete can play video games while I return to the stadium to continue my comments concerning my upcoming match with Andrea Hernandez.
Iris: Bark! Arf! Howl! Squeal! (Translation: Since you put it that way I’ll behave and not stink up our hotel room. Thanks Mommy!)
Bea and Iris take off and the scene slowly fades out as they walk away.
BEA HAS RETURNED TO DIAGORAS STADIUM TO AIR MORE COMMENTS
We again see Bea Barnhart standing in front of the wrestling ring at Diagoras Stadium where she will face Andrea Hernandez at Climax Control 329. When the camera crew informs Bea they are live broadcasting Bea launches into her comments.
Bea: Andrea. . .Andrea. . .Andrea. You are in for a very special match against me. You don’t take me seriously but after I defeat you then you will become a supporter of me as you will no longer be able to defeat me in the ring. When we are into the action of our match and you try to land a blow or maneuver on me I won’t be there to accept it. I’m quick in the ring and you will not be able to latch onto me. As soon as you realize you missed a blow or maneuver and turn around to try another one I’ll have already landed a blow or maneuver on you. The concept is a simple one of me attacking quickly then quickly moving out of your reach. You’ll be so frustrated by the five minute mark in our match that you’ll just give up and take the loss to me. Yeah. . .yeah. . .yeah. . .you think that won’t be the case in our match. You think that can never happen to you against me. Imagine your surprise and shock when I defeat you and prove to the fans who they should be supporting.
Bea flashes a huge grin.
Bea: I’m going to be so quick in our match that you’ll think I can time travel where I zap out from in front of you and the next instant I’m behind her applying another maneuver or hold on you. You’ll get dizzy spinning around trying to figure out where I’ll be the next moment. But, Andrea, there’s no need for you to fear and tremble as I won’t drag out your loss to me just to make you suffer. You’ll suffer enough when I quickly defeat you and nobody will believe in you any longer. Remember my assignment to this match is not a punishment placed on me. It is a gift handed to me. Have a nice day.
Bea informs the camera crew she’s done with her comments and they cut their camera feed and our screen goes dark.
