Author Topic: I'M WRESTLING A JOKE FOR AN OPPONENT  (Read 65 times)

Offline Andrew

  • Match Writers
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1121
    • View Profile
    • Bill Barnhart
« on: March 31, 2022, 08:33:11 AM »

Narrator:  For a long time in his previous wrestling federation Bill Barnhart had to wrestle, meaning fight hard, against his half-brother Chris Shipman. Now the people in Sin City Wrestling Management have decided that Bill should face off against Finn Whelan with the claim that Finn Whelan is more than Chris Shipman ever was. Well with someone getting accolades they don’t deserve, meaning Finn Whelan is less than half what Chris Shipman was, I see another successful Roulette Championship defense by Bill at Climax Control 326.


The scene comes into focus and we see a five year old Bill Barnhart on the street in front of his home at 4263 Saint Andrews Road in Oakland, California, where Bill grew up. Bill Barnhart’s father, William Barnhart, is taking the training wheels off Bill’s bicycle.

Bill:  Father what are you doing? If I don’t have the training wheels I might fall over on my bike until I learn how to balance properly and get hurt. I’m only five years old remember?

Father:  Of course I know you’re five years old as you’re my son! Bill there’s only one way to win at riding a bike and that also translates into how to win in life. Everyone learns to ride a bike starting with a tricycle, then they move up to a bicycle with training wheels, then they remove the training wheels and learn to balance and ride the bicycle with ease. Now get on the bike and ride!

Five year old Bill Barnhart gets on the bicycle that no longer has training wheels and he takes off. After a short distance Bill topples over but isn’t able to get his foot out in time to stop his fall to the pavement. Bill scrapes his knee on the pavement and we see he is in pain and his leg is bleeding.

Bill:  Damn! Now I got a scraped-up knee and I’m bleeding and it hurts!

Father:  Shut up boy and suck it up! When I served in World War II in the United States Navy I saw shipmates take shrapnel that cut them deep and they were bleeding and in a hell of a lot more pain than you are right now! You know what my shipmates did? They got up and continued taking the fight to the enemy. Your enemy, Bill, is being afraid to get hurt. Everyone gets hurt in life and they deal with that pain so deal with it! Get your ass back on the bike and conquer it!

Bill grumbles but obeys his father and gets back onto the bike. Bill wobbles like he previously did but this time he manages to maintain his balance and control of the bike. Bill quickly learns that a bike in motion tends to want to stay upright and the only time you need to think about the bike toppling over is when you go too slow. After a few minutes Bill is traveling up and down their street with ease. When Bill returns to where his father is waiting for him his father imparts some advice.

Father:  Bill you did great! Had you let your frustration, a bruised leg, and a little blood scare you off you wouldn’t be enjoying riding your bike just now. Whatever you end up doing in life as your line of work you always look forward and don’t look back. When you have failures in your life you do the same thing you did with your bike after you took a fall. You get back up and continue to move forward. Never back down from anything. Be confident in what you’re capable of accomplishing and you’ll always be successful.

The scene of five year old Bill Barnhart conquering riding his bike without training wheels, and powering through the pain of falling over, scraping his knee on the pavement, and bleeding, ends and we are returned to present-day time.


The present-day scene opens to see Bill and Bea Barnhart getting out of Bill’s Hyundai Santa Fe SUV and walking toward McCray’s Tavern located at 100 North Perry Street in Lawrenceville, Georgia. The assigned camera person follows them to the entrance of the tavern. The instant Bill steps through the doors of McCray’s Tavern everyone in the tavern yells out BILLLLLLLLLL!!! in the same fashion patrons did when Norm, in the television series CHEERS, walked into the bar. Bill takes a bow and greets everyone then he and Bea take their normal seats at the bar.

Bill:  Thanks for the wonderful greeting! Nice to be well known and appreciated.

Bea:  Bill you are always well known and appreciated.

Bartender:  Bill you’re our hero. You live in Lawrenceville, Georgia, and you’ve been an outstanding wrestler for many years and you’ve brought attention and honor to our city of Lawrenceville.

Bill:  Awwww, that’s nice to hear, and again thanks for the welcome when we walked in. By the way have you heard that Sin City Wrestling is currently on a Greek tour? Our first stop is in Corfu, Greece, at the Corfu National Stadium. I’m defending my Roulette Championship against someone named Finn Whelan.

Bartender:  Finn Whelan? Who the *bleep* is that? I’ve never heard of him so how in the hell did he get a shot at your Roulette Championship? Anyone here today ever heard of Finn Whelan?

The Bartender looks around the bar and the patrons shrug their shoulders and tell the Bartender they have no clue who Finn Whelan is.

Bartender:  There you go Bill. Nobody here has ever heard of Finn Whelan. So what are you thinking about why he got assigned to take you on for the Roulette Championship?

Bill:  I haven’t a clue. This is the first time I’ve heard his name mentioned. Some are even trying to tell me that Finn Whelan is a hell of a lot more violent and aggressive than my half-brother Chris Shipman.

Bartender:  Seriously? There’s people out there who think there’s a wrestler more violent and aggressive than your half-brother Chris Shipman? It’s impossible that anyone can be more violent and aggressive than Shipman. The fact that you destroyed Chris Shipman so many times that he went into retirement says it all.

Bill:  That’s what I said. The world, and Finn Whelan, will find out on Sunday, April 3, 2022, at Climax Control 326, that I’m the Roulette Champion and will remain Roulette Champion for a very long time. DRINKS FOR EVERYONE ON ME!!!

Bea:  That’s a nice gesture Bill.

Everyone in the bar roars their approval to Bill buying a round of drinks for all of them. While everyone is celebrating the scene starts to fade out until our screen goes dark.


The camera feed of the assigned camera person comes on our screen and we see that we are in the home of Bill and Bea Barnhart. Bill and Bea are sitting on the couch in the Living Room and Iris is sitting next to Daddy Bill on the couch. We notice there are some visible scratches and bruises on Bill, from his match against Alexander Raven at Blaze of Glory X where Bill successfully defended his Roulette Championship, but overall we know he’s fine and ready to go for his match with Finn Whelan.


Bill:  Well my next victim is Finn Whelan. So, Finn, you managed to whine and complain and beg to Management and then demand a shot at my Roulette Championship. I haven’t heard of you except for a few small mentions prior to our upcoming match being scheduled. There’s a lot of wrestlers in Sin City Wrestling who should be sent to face me for my Roulette Championship but Management chose you instead. I guess they wanted to shut you up after you whined and complained and demanded a shot at my Roulette Championship. The saying is you should be careful what you ask for as you might just get it. I assure you that your claims of being more violent, more evil, more talented, and more hateful, than my half-brother Chris Shipman, is hilarious! Nobody in the world is more violent, evil, talented, or hateful, than Chris Shipman. In fact nobody in the Universe is more violent, evil, talented, or hateful, than my half-brother Chris Shipman except for me! But, Finn, you’ll find out the hard way what the truth is when I destroy you in our match. Let me enlighten you with a graphic I’ll have the Network put up on the screen to let you know why nobody yet has defeated me for my Roulette Championship. Would the Network please put up the graphic I sent to them? Thanks.


A graphic of a Bill’s fist comes up on the screen with the wording MY FIST. . .ONE SIZE FITS ALL.

Bill:  Finn I wanted to show you this graphic to let you know that I’ll defeat you like I’ve defeated my previous challengers. We don’t know what match rules the Roulette Wheel is going to land on. Whether it is a tame Standard Rules match or a violent Hardcore Rules, or better yet a match with No Rules, I’m gonna win! Thanks to the Network for putting up my graphic. You can take it down now.

The Network removes the graphic and the scene returns to Bill and Bea and Iris sitting on their couch in their living room.

Bill:  Finn you’re one of those fake wrestlers that disgust me and I’ll give you the information you need so you know why you’re pathetic and that your attitude that you think you’re better than everyone else is bullshit. So, Finn, let me talk about wrestlers like you who have to make up identities, personas, and wear a false face, to make yourself appear to be bigger, badder, or stronger, than everyone else in the Federation. Some wrestlers wear a mask and claim they are invincible. Then we see you see them lose matches. Some wrestlers wear face paint to try to improve their look to appear aggressive then we see them lose matches when someone slaps their face paint off and defeats them. Some wrestlers take a deep breath and puff out their chest to appear larger than they really are but we watch them lose matches because they are full of fluff and no substance. Some wrestlers claim they have the pinning combinations or submission holds that guarantee them a win then we watch them lose again and again and again because their pinning combinations or submission holds didn’t work well on their opponents. How do all these pathetic ass clowns, especially you Finn, compare to me? I’m the real deal. I’m 100 percent who I say I am. I don’t have steroids in me. I don’t contain additives or artificial flavorings or colors. While the rest of you are fake goods I’m the real deal. Finn when you step into the ring with me you face a 100 percent honest and true wrestler and you’ll lose the match.

Bea:  I’ve heard the backstage talk and there’s a lot of stuff going around that Finn Whelan is known for obtaining help in matches to try to get a cheap win. I’m in Bill’s corner, as his Manager, to ensure nobody tries any crap to try to get a cheap win for Finn Whelan.


Bill: Okay I got a few dings, cuts, and scratches, from my Thumbtacks Rules Match to defend my Roulette Championship against Alexander Raven at Blaze of Glory X. Minor stuff in comparison of the years of violent and vicious attacks I took from my half-brother Chris Shipman. With all the weapons involved in my match with Alexander Raven I took some cuts and bruises in the match but I’m fine and thanks for asking. After slamming Alexander Raven into the Thumbtacks for the win I’m still Sin City Wrestling’s Roulette Champion and that’s all that matters. Just remember what happened Alex. You went all-out from the start of the match and what happened is you went too much all-out. And what happened is the same thing that happened in our first match. You were doing well then you distracted your attention off of me and I took advantage of it. Simple as that. The bottom line can be summed up using lyrics from Elton John’s song I’M STILL STANDING. No matter what all my opponents have attempted to do they’ve all failed and I’m still standing as Sin City Wrestling’s Roulette Champion. And, Finn, if you think you’re going to change that and earn my Roulette Championship away from me you better think hard and be prepared for a loss to me. Nobody else could defeat me and for damn sure you’re not gonna do it. After I defeat you I’ll use the lyrics from Elton John’s son and yell out I’M STILL STANDING as Sin City Wrestling Roulette Champion!

Bea:  Even though Bill went through years of violent matches with his half-brother Chris Shipman, and you all might think it takes a long time for Bill to heal from his recent cuts and bruises, you’re wrong. . .dead wrong. Bill is a quick healer and when Climax Control 326 arrives Bill will be 100 percent ready to easily beat down and defeat Finn Whelan.


Bill:  What do you call is when you are doing something and you need to change things up to make it work well? They call that improvise. What do you do when you love eating Spam, and you love eating sandwiches, and you love eating Spam sandwiches, but when you try to make a Spam sandwich with bread all you get is a soggy sandwich? I came up with a solution. I love Spam and I love Hash Browns. So I came up with the concept a Hashbrowns Spam Sandwich. I fry up the Spam in a frying pan and cook up four hash brown patties in my air fryer at 400 degrees for 15 minutes. I spread a little ketchup on the hash browns and create a Hashbrowns Span Sandwich. I’ll ask the Network to please put up the graphic I sent to them. Thanks.


The Network puts up the graphic of Bill’s Hashbrowns Span Sandwich. The graphic stays on the screen long enough for everyone to take in the graphic then the Network removes the graphic and Bill continues with his comments.

Bill:  See what I did there Finn? I don’t follow the crowd. I don’t do the same things everyone else does. I don’t follow what everyone else does just because everyone else follows what they do. I do my own thing. I create my own circumstances. I initiate my own advantages. I win wrestling matches, and I’ve been successful in defending my Roulette Championship, because I think during wrestling matches and I anticipate what opponents are going to do. Unlike you who make false claims and try to do high-risk maneuvers, which cause you to fail more than you succeed, I stick with what works for me. Try all the silly stuff if you want Whelan. Try all the high-flying maneuvers you want Finn. Do whatever you feel you need to do to get the win over me. No matter what you try you’ll fail.

Bill lets out a loud laugh then he regains his composure and continues with his comments.


Bill:  Finn there’s a term TALKING OUT YOUR ASS and it has numerous interpretations of what that term means. Examples are to make an obviously false comment or claim. Another is to jump into a discussion on a topic you have no prior knowledge of and it usually results in the person looking like an idiot. Another definition is talking bullshit or nonsense. And, finally, the definition of TALKING OUT YOUR ASS, also known as VERBAL DIARRHEA, is often perpetrated by idiots who love to state their opinion on topics without having prior knowledge or information on the subject before jumping into the discussion. With that in mind I want everyone on the Sin City Wrestling Roster, especially you Finn, to understand that I plan on shoving your head up your ass so you’ll literally be talking out of your ass when you speak. And if you spread rumors by calling others on your cell phone I’ll shove your cell phone up your ass so you’ll be calling people and they will tell you that you are literally talking out of your ass.

Bea:  I wish to make one final comment then I need to bring Iris out for her walk. Finn we know you’re a desperate wrestler. We know you want to make a name for yourself. We know you’ll try to get others to get involved in the match so that you can claim it wasn’t YOU who cheated it was someone outside of the match who cheated. Try all you want punk but you won’t succeed. Others have tried and failed. When you try and fail you will get tossed on top of the other losers Bill took out. Come on Iris! Let’s go for a walk!

Iris gets excited to go for her walk and she jumps off the couch and runs to the front door so she can allow Mommy Bea to put her harness and leash on. We return our attention to Bill.


Bill:  Oh, Finn, how it sucks to be you. How it sucks that you’ll walk into the ring over-confident only for me to send you home a pathetic loser. You may think you are something great but in reality you’re pathetic and you suck. Thinking you’re something, and actually being that something, are two different things and they are polar opposites.

Bill smiles into the camera.

Bill:  A Parakeet may think it is a Hawk but in reality it is still a small weak Parakeet. A house cat can think it is a Lion but in reality it is still a small house cat. I worm can think it is a Python but in reality it is still a little worm. A house fly can think it is a fighter jet but it is still an insignificant house fly. You, Finn, think you’re something you’re not just as the Parakeet, house cat, worm, and house fly think they’re something they’re not. Those creatures I mentioned are still what they are no matter what they think they are.

Bill laughs loudly.

Bill:  Take a look in a mirror Finn. What you see looking back at you is a pathetic piece of shit who hasn’t earned their shot at my Roulette Championship. I’ve never had a shot at a Championship handed to me because Management felt sorry for me like they feel sorry for you. I’ve earned every shot at a Championship that I’ve received. Now, Whelan, although their attempt to make you feel better, by giving you a shot at my Roulette Championship makes you feel like you’re actually worth something, you and I both know the truth. What I want when I defend my Roulette Championship is an opponent who is a legitimate challenge and not a token sacrifice thrown my way. Yes, Finn, that’s what you are. A token sacrifice to me. . .the god of Roulette Champions.

Bill roars with very loud laughter.

Bill:  You see, Finn, the difference between me and you is that you cower away from adversity when you get hurt or injured. Early in my life my father taught me to not let adversity keep me down. He told me if something knocks me down I need to get up and take on and defeat what knocked me down. Father told me about his Navy shipmates who got injured during World War II and yet even when cut and bruised and bleeding they continued to fight the enemy until they won the battle. I learned that as a young boy and I brought that concept to my wrestling career. I’m in the sport of wrestling to overcome everything and every type of wrestler. I’m in the sport of wrestling to show the world what a great wrestler is about. Yes I get bruised, cut, hurt, and bleed, just like everyone else. But that’s where the similarity ends. Whereas other wrestlers give up when they get bruised, cut, hurt, or they are bleeding, I get more aggressive, I power through the pain, and I come out victorious. I’m the total opposite of a pathetic wrestler as you are.

Bill roars extremely loud with laughter then he regains his composure to continue his comments.s

Bill:  Did I piss you off with my comments Finn? I did? Good! That’s what I intended to do! Please enjoy the rest of your time leading up to Climax Control 326 being healthy and without pain because when our match is done, and my hand is raised in victory, and I retain my Roulette Championship, you’ll crawl home and nurse your wounds for weeks.