Remember Yourself
Scene One | Off-Camera | 11/01/2022
“Old mate looks like he stepped right outta the 60’s don’t you think, Ravey baby?”
James always did have a way with words. Research, tapes, an understanding. It was important to research people who have as much to offer as Bill. Purely to see their weaknesses. Purely to see their failures. So why James was the one watching, and Alex was lost in his own world, only he knew for sure.
“Billy boy doesn’t know what he’s done, James. You don’t fuck with me. You don’t get involved. You don’t step into my world, and alter its course. He’s old school, he’s old. He’s stupid. He’s built like a brick shithouse, but he’s dumb. Do you know why he is dumb, James? Do you know why?"
Raucous laughter erupted from James, a hand slapping down on his thighs. It wasn’t his usual laughter. It sounded jovial and joyful, but it was different. That was the Barracuda’s laugh. Thinking, thoughtful. Dangerous.
“You don’t fuck with the Barracuda, and you especially don’t fuck with Alexander Raven. Death, Taxes and a Raging Raven. You better neuter this bitch, rockstar. You better put him in his place. I ain’t picking you up outta that rut again, boy. You neuter him, or I’m gonna neuter you, rockstar.”
Alex clicked the power button on a remote, turning the TV off, and got to his feet. A cigarette slipped from behind his ear, and placed it to his lips, sparking it. The strike of a match, the light puffing as James followed suit with a cigar. Alex strode to the kitchen, followed in suit by the looming shadow of James Pasilno.
“Arrogance, James. Arrogance. He’s arrogant for thinking he can involve himself in my affairs, and get away with it. Knox is good, real good. Probably one of the best I’ve stepped with since Remington. Yet Billy boy, he involves himself. He involves himself in my affairs. You don’t get involved in my affairs, unless you’re ready to face the repercussion. Old men James. He is an old man, and I’m going to break his fragile flesh. I’m going to tear open his paper skin, and put him in his place. I’m going to make sure he understands that there is no gimmick in this. That I’m not just a joke. That I’m not a man hiding behind a persona. That the Alexander Raven that thinks himself the leader of the broken, is more than just that. Unhinged, James. The Bulldog will get to see the unhinged.”
A hand came to rest on Alex’s shoulder. Flinching, his body tensing as James’ grip tensed up. His other hand ruffling Alex’s hair before he strode past him and opened a cupboard, pulling a few glasses out.
“You’re losing yourself sugar. Don’t lose yourself to it. Focus Ravey, focus. You need to focus, not get lost in the waves of rage. Lemme talk to ya, Ravey. Lemma talk to ya.”
Alex let the tension slip from his shoulder, pulling a chair at the table. Setting himself down as James poured a couple glasses of the classic #7, taking a few cubes of ice from the fridge, dropping them in each. One slid in front of Alex, the other held in James hand as he paced the table.
“Do you remember rockstar? Leon was just like you. A harder boy I never knew, but he reminds of you. Zig and zag, he took them boys years before you did, and he failed. Bravado, confidence, and anger, Ravey. We were all angry, young boys. Boys! We were god damn children, Alex. The difference, is Leon didn’t get outta that river. He swam in the waves of the anger and he let it take him. He turned on you, he turned on me, he turned on himself. I put him down rockstar. I put him down, and he ain’t ever getting back up. Don’t lose yourself, rockstar. I’ll put you down, and I told you. I ain’t liftin’ you up again.”
“But I’m gonna give you some advice I didn’t give Leon. You gotta walk that line rockstar. But you gotta know the difference. You’re the Raging Raven, the Broken Messiah in that ring. Out here, you’re my rockstar, you’re my best friend. You’re the one who slings the beers when I’m too cock-eyed to sling’em straight. In that ring, rockstar. I’m the Barracuda. I’m THE James Phenomenal. Out here, I’m just me, rockstar. I’m the gravy boat lover. I’m the king of the bar. The Barracuda is always lurkin’, ready to slice and dice, and chew ‘em all up. But when it’s us, you remember yourself Alex. You got that, rockstar?”
The words weren’t menacing, but the old school brawler in James was ever present. They weren’t so different. Walking a line between losing themselves to the images they make for themselves. James wasn’t kidding about Leon either. He didn’t know the full story, but he knew there was a shooting. Who started it? He wouldn’t ever know, but James was free and alive, and Leon was long gone. Not sure if he was breathing, but he’d been long since out of their lives. He missed him sometimes. He was fun-loving, jovial. His demons ate away at him, but he had a good side. James was a good friend, but there was always that danger. He was hard to read. Maybe that’s why they got along so well.
“We’re going to neuter that bitch, James. That’s all there is to it.”
The raucous laughter once more and the slap of his palm on the table. They both clinked the rims of their glasses together, downing them in one.
“You better, rockstar.”
Drawing Board
Scene Two | On-Camera | 12/01/2022
“Back to the drawing board.
Back
to
the
drawing…
Board.”
An empty office. A board room table, surrounded by empty chairs. A single whiteboard standing at the head of it, text written across it. Red marker ink, and a name. ‘Bill Barnhart’. A person stood with his back to the empty audience, staring at the board, marker in hand. ‘Bulldog’ now being written above it. Then a line slashed through the name. Only bulldog left unmarked.
“The Bulldog. A confident, yet dumb, old man. Confident and old-school. An old town Georgia pro. You stuck your nose in my business Bulldog. Like the untrained mutt that you are. You took your nose and you stuck it where it does not belong. Interrupting my match. Interfering in my match. Mocking the good faith I had put in you as champion. Mocking the faith I had in you to keep to your goddamn self. Champion? No, that’s a mockery of the word, Bulldog. You’re nothing but the bitch you mark yourself as. I don’t believe in letting a dog run rampant in heat. It’s unbecoming.”
“So I need you to understand what I’m saying when I tell you.”
“I am going to neuter you, Bulldog.”
The sound of flesh against the board. The thud ringing out dully in the empty space. Then again, and again. The sound of cracking as the board begins to break under the beating of the fist. Again and again, and then, it broke. His fist punching straight through, his knuckles cracked and bleeding. His forearm scratched up as it slides back through the hole.
“Violence is the language of my upbringing, Bulldog. Violence is what beget my existence, and it is what will continue to control it. Abusive, alcoholic father. Manipulative, aggressive mentor. Ungrateful friends, and emotional abusive protege. Violence begets violence, Bulldog. Do you know what it’s like to be bred in violence? Perhaps you too, had a father who taught with fists? I do not know, I do not truly care to know. For I know this, Bulldog. That the spin of the wheel is daunting for many, but not for me. For any instrument of torture that is lending to oneself, becomes a tool for my success. Broken, unhinged and disconnected as I may be, I can see forward and I can see clearly.”
“For when you stepped to me, you made a mistake. For when you put your nose into my business you deemed it necessary to break an unspoken given of truce. Respect, Bill. A man of your tenure should know it. Yet here you stand. Mocking the traditions that founded the world we walk in. Violence Bill. Violence is in your future.”
Darkness.
Then the flicker of flames. A field replacing the office. A firepit leaping with somewhat larger than normal flames. Another whiteboard. The word ‘violence’ slathered across it. This time in black ink. A small drawing of a bat, a chair, and a collar and lead.
“I need you to understand what I’m telling you, Bulldog. Are you listening? Are you following me? I need you to understand. I need you to follow me. You need to understand this.”
The slap of a palm against the board, Alex’s face illuminated by the flickering flames. His face contorted with anger. His eyes blazing with a similar flame of passion. His teeth gritted, a heavy coat draped loosely on his shoulders.
“Broken, unhinged, disconnected. Disconnected, unhinged and broken. You’re a confident man Bill. This I know. Yet your confidence is founded in a loose fallacy. A fallacy of supremacy. A fallacy of arrogance and over-confidence. An old mentality. I’ve stepped in the ring against many an old man like you Bill. Dated, old-school. Living a life that emulates the character. Over-confident because you don’t believe in the power of change. You’re afraid of it. I know it, Bill. You’re set. You’re old. Yet that is entirely the issue here. Roulette Champion? A person whose every night fate is dictated by a game of chance. It is wasted upon the old. It is wasted upon those who cannot adapt. Who cannot grow.”
“Yet not all is lost for you, Bill. In the enlightening, you can learn. In the violence, you will bleed. In the violence you too, will see what it means to be broken. In the reality that I present to you, your disconnected nature will be exposed. In that exposure, you will be made to understand. You will be made to understand that you are lost. Lost and without direction. The broken are guided. The broken are helped. I am the Messiah for the Broken, Bill. Yet, my Conspiracy is insulted. You stuck your damn nose where it doesn’t belong, and the only thing that will remain, is the carrion I leave. You, will be the carrion that feeds. Not the bird that follows. Traditions must be upheld, and you spit upon them. An old man afraid of change, yet unable to appreciate the traditions laid before them. Mockery, Bill. Mockery.”
Alex smacks the board once more, before turning to face into the flames. Placing his hand above the flickering licks of fire. His eyes fixated, his jaw still clenched. Frustration etched into ever wrinkle and scar. His beard sitting dangerously close to the fire. Moments from being set alight.
“Gambling Bill. Are you a gambling man? I would think so, with how loose you like to play it. Do you know what is interesting, Bill? The Roulette title has changed hands in Las Vegas, more than it has anywhere else in the world. Nevada seems to be a good state for it, wouldn’t you say? It makes sense, doesn’t it? The belt of chance, to change hands in the city that is known for it. Reno will be the home of our battle this time. Not quite the same feeling, is it? Yet the reality maintains. Nevada is a state that demands change, Bill. It’s unfortunate for you, that will be a victim of the odds. I’ve made clear, since day one. I do not gamble. I ensure victory. You ruined my victory, and now I will pay you back for it. I will put you down, Bill. I will ensure that you fall beneath the boot. Violence, Bill. Violence.”
“Are you listening to me, Bill? Do you understand what I’m telling you? You are a bitch that needs to be neutered Bulldog. Regardless of the stipulation, regardless of what we must do. I will put you down, over and over. I will blood you if I so well deem it necessary. I don’t intend to be quick about it. I don’t intend to be civil. This isn’t a matter of a man versus a man in a wrestling match. You made this personal by breaking a silent truth. You made this personal by sticking your nose into my damn business. Scared, Bill. That’s what Knox called you. Scared. You know what? He’s damn right too. You’re damn scared of me Bill, and you and I both know it. Behind the bravado and bluster. Behind the arrogance and confidence. Behind the old thinking, is one truth. You’re afraid that you can’t keep up, and it’s true. You can’t keep up with me Bill. There is no gamble here. There is one damn truth. The Broken Messiah is going to break the Bulldog.”
”It’s time to go to sleep, puppy.”
His shoe pressed to the barrel that contained the flickering inferno, kicking it forward. Flames leapt across the grass and engulfed the whiteboard. The flames devouring the board instantly. The words violence glowing as it began to melt and warp under the intense heat.
“We’re going down in flames Bill. I hope you’re ready. I’m going to break you. Neuter you, take everything you love.”
“And then.”
“I’m going to burn you the fuck down.”
Darkness.
Silence.
Broken
Scene Three | On-Camera | 12/01/2022
“I’ve been thinking Bill. I’ve been thinking a lot actually. Weeks I’ve had to stew on this. Weeks I’ve thought about every which way I intend to hurt you. That I intend to pay you back. That I intend to show you, your failure. My friend, James, he’s giving me some advice. Some advice I may need to follow. Some advice I think I will follow. To walk that line. To acknowledge who I am in that ring and who I am, outside of it. To acknowledge both Raven and Rabenschwarz. The issue Bill, is that, I can’t tell them apart myself anymore. James can’t separate himself from the Barracuda, in the same way that I can’t separate myself from the rage.”
“Raging Raven. Anger incarnate some had dubbed me. I never liked that term. Rage and anger, are two similar but different things. Anger is directed. Controlled, and accessible. Rage is an insatiable feeling. A boiling, bubbling, fiery inferno of feeling that rips through you from the depths of your very being. Do you understand rage and anger? I hope so. I need you to understand the difference, because it’s important to differentiate. I need you to understand that I’m bring to Inception isn’t controlled. It isn’t focused. It’s insatiable. It’s a necessity. It’s a force. It’s what breaks me, and in turn breaks those that stand against me. Disconnected from reality as we both are, you would understand this better than any other Bulldog.”
You will fall. You will collapse. You will feel the pressure of my rage. My Conspiracy will descend upon you, and it’s a feeling you cannot be ready for. Anyone can deal with a hostile crowd. It’s an existence we become used to. The reality however, is my Conspiracy are filled with the same rage. Like me, all that follow are broken. They look to me for guidance. They look to me, for understanding. They look to me, because I can lead the broken and disconnected. The unhinged and the rage filled. The Conspiracy are always at my back, ready to follow. Ready to hear what I can tell them. Ready to listen. To understand.”
“Are you listening?”
”Do you understand?”
“I cannot fail anymore, Bill. I don’t have the forgiveness for myself to do it again. This isn’t just a feeling of want or desire. This is a necessity at this point. A necessity to prove to everyone that I am who I say I am. That Alexander Raven is the Broken Messiah for a god damn reason. It’s been a long time since I’ve worn gold around my waist. The last time, I was the inaugural champion. The first ever. I’m a two time world champion, a former SOLO tag team champion. I rose from the ashes, and stitched my flesh back together. I rent a man’s flesh so heavily that he leaked his own god damn grey matter into the ring. What have I done since? Lost my chance at becoming the inaugural champion again, to a man who should have been locked up. Cheated out of a victory of being a double inaugural champion by a mouth little bitch, who couldn’t dust my boots when we finally squared off.”
“I earned my opportunity to fight you with a goddamn slingblade, Bill. Do you understand the damn ineptitude of someone to go down to a slingblade? Yet it proves something else. I don’t need to choke you out. I don’t need to hit the Raven’s Spine. I can beat you, with a slingblade. Hell, I could beat you, with a headlock takeover. Yet that’s not the point is it, Bill? No, the point is to hurt you. The point is to ruin you. The point is to make sure you regret having ever stuck your damn nose into my business. The point is to break and leave you to feed my Conspiracy. The carrion to my flock of Ravens. I will break you Bill, and that isn’t an empty threat. That isn’t a lie. That isn’t a mockery. It’s a truth. I am the Broken Messiah, and I will ensure you are broken. Your second defense, will be your last. I will put you down, and I will reign supreme. I am, the future Roulette Champion. You’re nothing but a roadblock.”
I will break you.”
“I will burn you down.”
